Shifts of Self

Can you have a mid-life crisis if you’re not, mid-life? Can you just wake up one morning and be out with all the old and ready to usher in all the new? Can you recommit to yourself in the snap of a finger?

These are the questions slapping me in the face as I realize that I’ve outgrown many, many things. I just had my birthday and instead of doing the boring thing where I freak out about getting closer to 30, I’m just ready to dive into some new things.

I had a great month in March. I ran a 5K, worked out here and there, ate what I want, did what I wanted and just let it all go. If I wanted wine, I had it. If I wanted a margarita, I’d get one. But soon enough my body put a big old yield sign in my face and urged me to rethink the nonstop,
carefree whims I’d been allowing myself to succumb to. It was time to get it in gear.

My husband helped with one of the best presents: A YMCA Gym membership. I’m a group fitness junkie. Spin, tone and sculpt, Step class, yoga, whatever; I’m there! I do pretty much everything but water aerobics and Zumba. I went head first into old routines and completely realigned my diet and eating habits. My husband and I agreed on giving up bad habits for 30 days,
just to see what, if any impacting effects it had. No alcohol, less caffeine, up the veggies, grains and goodness, down the snacks, junk and fun badness.

Then I noticed some other stuff too. I’m anything but a cook. Occasionally I like to bake, but I’m not a cook. My favorite food is tacos. Well, that, and salad. But I can never get enough of my husband’s tacos. Simple ground beef or turkey and guacamole, pico de gallo, lite sour cream ,
cheese, cilantro, maybe even some lettuce and I’m hooked! One night he said that if I wanted tacos, I had to make them, with his supervision of course. He gave me the play by play and prepped everything (I SUCK at chopping anything) and it wasn’t so terrible.

The next thing I know, a few nights later, I’m heating up some basic veggie casserole from the Crockpot that we made for reserves in the event of long days and no energy and I realize we have some things I could add to make it a bit…tastier. Before I know it, I have Boca Burger crumbles,
mushrooms, onions, jalapeno, garlic and basic seasoning sauté-ing in a pan. It was delicious, but the idea of me creating culinary delights.

It happened again on an evening when my husband was home and before I knew what I was saying, I’d somehow offered to make dinner with his gentle direction. And there it was, BAM! I made spaghetti sauce with ground beef, mushrooms, fresh parmesan, spices, banana peppers, onions and garlic!

Before I could control it on my day off, I made a key lime pie, roasted chickpeas for a snack/appetizer, cinnamon crumb cake (okay that one was from a box), and a chicken fajita/enchilada concoction complete with chicken, red bell peppers, jalapeno, onion, seasoning, enchilada sauce, and garlic to add onto casserole or brown rice! I didn’t know where it was coming from! I’d also been on a rampage making small home improvements in attempts to make our new place more “grown up” and “homey.” We’d decided to have a stay-cation if a vacation even existed this year and we were determined to make this place an oasis.

I also started a curious journal out of an Alice in Wonderland notebook I’d been given for Christmas a couple years ago. I named it my “Desiry: A Diary of Desires.” Keep your head on straight people, this is not a naughty book! I just started writing everything I want in it…from the
physical and tangible to the completely fantastical and improbable. It’s freeing!

I’d recently come to the realization that some of the simple and seemingly ridiculous goals I’d set for myself when I was in high school have been achieved and I didn’t want to live life forgetting what I’d wanted in my twenties. When I was 17 I wanted to make my own money so I could purchase brewed, coffee house coffee for myself every day. I can totally do that now if I want. It’s a total waste of money, but it’s the principle of the thing. I also vowed to free myself of my dad’s one-ply toilet paper embargo and dare to get something quilted. That’s in my twenty-something budget as well. Go me!

So I just started writing. I put the date and what I want. So far a Louis Vuitton purse, trip to New York to see “Wicked” on Broadway, new towels, new bedroom sheet set, and watching everything on my Netflix Instant Queue all live in my “Desiry.” I think I’m scaring the people around me too. I’m more in tune with realities, frustrations and demands. I’m doing things I haven’t done
in a long time, and it’s a positive move forward. Perhaps I’m, somehow, having an out of body experience.

Maybe these are attempts at staving off a looming feeling of impending depression. Maybe I’m just growing into my 27 year old self at an alarming rate. Maybe I’m having a Tom Hanks circa “Big” experience! I’m replacing my hunger for content with a hunger for the new and exciting. We’ve met some new amazing people and they are rubbing off on me, in a good way!
I still have a long road to full adulthood but at least I know where that path is, rather than constantly meandering elsewhere. I’ve revisited the past through memories, music and momentary daydreams about the “What If,” all too often. I guess I’m just ready for positive forward momentum. Life is touch and every day is not always rainbows and sunshine but the good definitely outweighs the bad.

Some changes sneak up on you with no choice and no warning. Some changes are looming but never fully present. And some changes are constant and ever evolving. I guess it’s time for me to be a part of the evolution embrace it all! There may be a new kind of Ali around but she’s still sassy, sarcastic and ALL ALI! I guess it’s just the New and Improved version of Ali…stay
tuned!