The Relationship Contribution Ideal

I guess it all stems from some weird family thing where we buy each other’s love. Rather than constantly saying “I love you,” we just spoiled the shit out of each other with stuff and things. Perhaps that’s where I got my inherent need to contribute to relationships, both romantic and platonic. Buying gas, food, fun and entertainment just became a regular thing. Oh, it got
taken advantage of, let me tell you, but with the people that count, it counted me in as a person who wasn’t afraid to contribute.

When it comes to work, I never really had a problem with getting a job and making my own money. That comes from my mom’s side; with the exception of her, they are all workaholics. I liked paying my dues. At the end of the day, I could close the book and say, “I worked hard, and with my earnings I’m sure going to play hard.” I have always done what I was supposed to do and what was asked of me with my work. As a nanny I even ventured to do a little more than just that. I liked to be a good worker, and someone who was valued by my employers. Although this is another area I’ve been taken advantage of in, for the most part, I just want to participate and be present.

When it comes to my husband and me, we like to be equal participants in this marriage. Even though we both bitch to each other about it, we end up wearing it with pride. As two people who have been screwed over in more ways than one, monetarily, emotionally, and even with our own
possessions, we are all about sharing the wealth as often as we can to keep the karmic cycle on our side, rather than repeat earlier fallbacks. Sure, the standing joke from my husband is “My money is our money and her money is her money,” but we have an agreement when it comes to family finances: He works more and brings home the bacon, and the rent check, so I keep up the house and work part time to pay the bills and keep us fed. We are masters of our craft, masters of our relationship and of our marriage. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

One of my best friends and I always say, “Do you work to live, or live to work?” I think we can all agree that all work and no play makes us all dull people! My bestie and I also agree that no one WANTS to work, but as a part of society, that’s usually just how it is. Some people have this sense of entitlement, which I've never understood. We are entitled to working to earn a paycheck and we are entitled to general human rights. This does not include the American Pop Culture trend of laziness, a general disregard for basic responsibilities and being a loaf upon society.

Personally, I would go crazy if I was stuck at home all the time. I would have to find all kinds of crazy projects to keep me busy. And I love being an active participant in my world, my marriage, and in all of my relationships. We may not have a million dollars and money to just throw away,
but we can care for ourselves and the people we love. Isn’t that what it’s all about?

Sure, someday my husband and I will settle down and have little ginger kids and I won’t be working all the time. We’ve already agreed on my staying home for the first handful of precious years with the little ones. I agreed on my staying home, because I want to be an active contributor and participant in my role as a mother.

Don’t get me wrong, I would LOVE to see my husband’s face if I just said, “Yeah I don’t really
wanna work anymore. It’s not very fun.” He may pee his pants laughing at me as he gave me the “Tough shit,” look. But the again, I would never say that. Working gives me sense of purpose. No one loves their job 100% of the time, but both of us have found a place in our lives where we are pretty happy with the general state of it all. This is a new horizon for us. We'll embrace it! Things could always be worse.

This isn’t some sanctimonious statement of how I’m some holier than thou, bad ass
wife and lazy wives and single gals suck; this is just my way of saying that you need to find
whatever makes you happy and fit it into your lifestyle. Contribute where and when you can to whatever relationship you feel most strongly for! We’re in a very progressive age. I doubt most women have the simple goal of being taken care of and pampered these days. I’m just saying, why spend all your time and energy doing nothing when you could be doing something!?!

My husband constantly taunts me. As an Aries, I’m a busy-body. I can do everything all at once but relaxing is the hardest thing for me. Sitting still and indulging in “nothing” is something I’m not very receptive to. Lately I’ve heard so many friends talking about work, long term plans and
life as we know it. When you leave the grace period of your “early twenties,” you’re all of the sudden just expected to have it all figured out.

I’m coming to realize, however, that if you can’t contribute to your immediate realm, how are you going to contribute to a plan? It all goes with that whole, “If you’re not a part of the solution, you’re part of the problem,” thing. I feel lucky that I didn’t marry some macho pig who thinks my
job is to cook, clean and cater to his needs whilst pumping out a parade of kids. I feel lucky that I have a job and that I can pay my bills and afford a few frills here and there.

I think it’s safe to say that my relationship contribution is that I want to be truly IN my relationship. I want to be an active being, rather than watching the world go by as a spectator. I love being lazy as much as the next person, but when I look back and I give advice to the generations behind me, I’ll tell them I had to work my way through this world too. I have a feeling the end of the journey will be just as rewarding as the journey itself! I guess I’ll let ya know.