Grateful Expectations

Expectations can be the root of all evil. The moment you start expecting anyone to act a certain way or respond in a specific fashion, you're ultimately doomed. In a way, expectations are just routine reactions. You expect a thank you when you give someone something, especially a gift. You expect a compliment if you've noticeably changed anything about your appearance or "dressed up." You expect pizza to be delivered within the time frame quoted. You expect to get bills.
 
When you're expecting a child you pretty much know that baby is coming out of you and then you have to care for him or her. And then there are the unexpected things in life: The rude comments, the lack of appreciation, the car accident or break down, the job loss or change, the winning of the lottery. It's a mixed bag; a Forrest Gump box of chocolates if you will.
 
Some expectations are great, and others I've found can be down right detrimental. I always get uneasy when someone is nice to me because if I get used to it, that's when tension arises. When a friend offers to buy you lunch, it's a great unexpected thing. When you expect to get said lunch regularly, you'll probably just end up hangry. It's a shot for disappointment.
 
If you make a grand gesture you often expect a grand "Thank you." Now, I come from a line of ladies who are all plans, no action. We're over-educated, under-achievers. We have great plans and ideas and nothing every comes from it but daydreaming. We are so damn good at daydreaming. I could daydream anyone under the table! But when I get all fantastical in that female mind of mine, things get out of hand. So, when I go out of my way to do something great and I just get a, "I really appreciate that," you feel a little let down.
 
Now I've already come to terms with the fact that life is not a "Glee" episode, so there will be no breaking out into song to sing my praises, but we often just expect more. And that's a kind of false advertising. Maybe it's a female thing because we envision every situation and idealize it in ways that no one could ever live up to that expectation. It's like a kid at Christmas; you picture them loving these gifts you (not Santa!) hand picked for them and then they fixate on the one thing they didn't receive. And it's not because they are horrible children or bratty, they just dreamt about Christmas morning and those things they wanted or expected so much that not finding it feels, crippling.
 
It's all such a ridiculous song and dance but it's what we do. Simple solution: No expectations. Easier said than done. Especially in overthinking, overreacting, female world. As someone riddled with anxiety and serious bouts of depression, these expectations are especially painful. Perfect examples are usually found in marriage. I asked my husband to unpack the rest of the house after we moved. I was doing an obstacle race and I found a free sitter and he'd have nothing to stop him. When I got home, all muddy and exhausted, I was extremely disappointed to see boxes and almost more of a mess than I'd left. My expectations were so high! I envisioned a perfectly put together and unpacked home. It was not that at all. He made progress, definitely but I just hid in the shower for an hour trying not to overreact to my ridiculous Martha Stewart Home living magazine ideal and realized we had some work to do.
 
It's important to dial down the expectations. Because they can hurt ourselves and each other. Great expectations are great, but it's important to keep it realistic and stay GRATEFUL. It's so easy to get caught up in what we don't have, we forget to appreciate what we do. And that needs to be in EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. Don't chastise a friend for not getting you what you expected, be excited that they celebrated the being that is you, in a different way. That ridiculous song, "Don't Worry, Be Happy," it has some merit. I expect the expectations to be attainable. Say that 5 times fast and you're on the right track.