Live Music Is Living My Best Life

My first concert was when I was 13. I didn't appreciate it at all at the time. It was with a friend who was almost a frenemy but my mom made me go. It was Billy Joel at F&M college circa 1997, 1998ish. My first concern I cared about what at Hershey Stadium. Hanson. I have no shame. It was huge and overwhelming and loud but so fun. I didn't see many other concerts until I was 18, but was lucky enough to see *NSYNC in south Florida when I was 17, which was awesome.

When I moved to Oregon and connected with music to get me through all my family stuff I started going to concerts. My dad wouldn't go with me, but would drop me off and pick me up or make my older sisters take me until I was about 19 and had large dude friend to look out for me. By the time I was 19 going to concerts was like a hobby and collecting tickets, bumper stickers, shirts, autographs, anything I could get was like a sport.

Last night I went to the radio station 97X's sponsored event called the "Freebie Weebie." I drove an hour to a dive bar to get the "free" tickets and an hour home about a month ago because a band I would have paid to see, was going to be free at my favorite venue, Jannus Landing and St. Pete, a mere 6 blocks from my office. I recruited a friend and off we went.

The band has now exploded onto mainstream channels, but started with one simple hit, "Broken." I heard the song early one morning and couldn't get past how amazing the lyrics were: "I like that you're broken, broken like me, maybe that makes me a fool. I like that you're lonely, lonely like me, I could be lonely with you." I did what I do best which was find them on Spotify and immediately devour the debut album of Lovelytheband.

Last year when I found this album my life was really in a huge state of upheaval for me. When I found this album it seems to reach out to all my mental health struggles, relationship struggles, feelings of inadequacy and lonely but surrounded by people parallels. I felt like it was written for me, which I hadn't felt in a couple years so it was really comforting. I quickly found multiple songs I loved but my favorite was called "Stupid Mistakes" and professed, "We all make stupid mistakes sometimes, but I make them more than most, and it's my fault that I live my life running away from ghosts. Too many skeletons, too hard to keep them in the closet where they've been. We all make stupid mistakes sometimes you're the one that I miss the most."

Going to concerts is like a religious experience for me. The way that some people connect when they are at church is me at a concert, especially a concert where the band's entire album or collection has profoundly affected me. These rights go to: Hanson, Death Cab for Cutie, Dashboard Confessional, Rilo Kiley, The Decemberists, Cake, and Ben Folds to name the most dominant. 

This free concert event came to me with reservations. I'm too old to deal with drunk kids spilling beer on me and being unaware and insensitive. The bar fights and people too drunk or high to know they are at a show aren't cute or benign anymore, they make me jaded and cynical and annoyed. But I wanted to see Lovelytheband before they were "too cool" and lost the ability to play small venues. 

The entire night was actually great. Not only did I have perfect company, but the opening band was from St. Pete and sounded fine, the second act I had just happened upon from the same station and they reminded me of other bands I loved back in my youth and they put on quite an amazing set, and Lovelytheband played all of my favorites off of the album. 

When they played their hit "Broken" the lead singer spoke about being young and being sad but not really knowing why he was sad and said, "Sometimes it's okay to not be okay and never feel badly asking for help. Asking for help is great!" He spoke about mental health awareness and it kicked me right in the feels. It was so perfect. 

I had had a weird end to my week with amazing news, frustrating news, relieving news, extra hurdles, late bedtimes, not enough food, too much stress and just feeling anxious about multiple things. I had felt the love and support from some of my favorite people while all the while feeling a little isolated. It was quite literally all the feels and happy struggles, but struggles still and then I had such an inspiring musical end.

After the concert I had a weird, miraculous event that I can only hope was some good karma after a strange week. I had walked my friend to her car in a neighboorhod I knew well. I had just had a kind homeless man tell my tired self that I looked beautiful while walking back to the parking garage at my work complex, which is apartments with retail space. Before the show I wanted to take the least amount of stuff with me, so I took off my car keychains, and my key card for my office. I thought, I don't need to get back into the building anyway, just into the parking garage so no biggy.

I had done this once before with no issue but had my whole purse and entered through the lobby. This time I didn't need all the extra stuff. I had just text the sitter that I would be exactly on time as predicted. The night had gone as I expected which was such a strange comfort. When I ran into the parking garage, they had lowered a gate and locked a doorway I had never even seen before. It seemed to have a weird punch code with numbers. And I didn't have my key card to get in through the building. It was locked in my car, behind that gate. Oh my gosh, HOW WAS I GOING TO GET IN TO GET MY CAR TO GET HOME.

I had thought quickly on my feet and called my friend immediately thinking, okay worst case she can get me home to the sitter, we could get my car tomorrow and I'd have to write the babysitter a check or get her cash tomorrow because I locked my money safely in my car so it couldn't get lost or stolen at the show. I dialed my friend and got 3 rings in. Someone pulled in to come into the garage and the gate opened, I followed them in. It happened to be the resident that parked exactly in front of my car and I mouthed a relieved "Thank you" to her while she was on her phone.

When my friend picked up the phone after I had scampered past the huge gate, I said, "I thought I had an issue but I'm good now." I rushed to get out as if worried I'd be stuck and on the drive home was just praying thankfully. I thought, I would have been there forever waiting. Or had to make my friend drive me home. Or pay for an uber. WOW. How weird that I didn't know they had a main gate, I'd never seen it closed. I didn't have my key card, which I always do, and a car pulled in to let me in as I had almost begun to panic. WOW. I felt like the universe gave me a pat on the back after the musical therapy as an affirmation that things would keep being muddled through and I would prevail.

Music has always been a form of therapy but after last night it just reminded me that I'm at my best when I'm around live music. My voice is hoarse today, I'm exhausted and look haggard but it was all worth it for the dose of musical serenity. I feel blessed. It was worth every dime for the babysitter and every extra yawn. If you ever want to know me well, take me to a concert, it nourishes my soul to be around music and especially a good crowd that appreciates it as well.

With that said I hope to lock in an early bed time as my party days are numbered but feel so blessed to have had last night as another part of living my best life in the books. I may not have gotten a ticket stub, t-shirt or bumper sticker but I got the full concert experience and had some good karma after. Now back to reality. 

The Soundtrack Of Our Lives

I'm one of those people who believes that "music is the soundtrack of our lives." I can remember an exact moment when a song was everything to me, and silly moments around music too, yet somehow I forget why I walked into the room and sometime, just to eat lunch. This is my ridiculous truth.

This morning I had to switch cars with my husband. His is, as I so lovingly put it, "A beater car," with an old 6-CD changer. So he has since raided our CD cases and snuck in some memorable classics for my commute.

Years ago for Valentine's day I made him a mix. That thing might be 14 years old but it has so many of "our songs." What's funny is just the other day I was listening to a song by Coldplay and was immediately taken back to sneaking out of the house for a "walk" with my walkman-discman thingy and going under this HUGE willow tree to sneak cigarettes when I was still living with my dad.

So when my husband perfectly planted this mix to play, I totally had all the flash backs and all the feels. Mostly because music is so versatile. If you put on an album you were obsessed with 15 years ago, I guarantee it will speak to new levels and old if you rock on with it today. Some things are timeless.

Now I'm also that person whose love for music is far more lyric-based than melody based. I legitimately feel that Simon and Garfunkel is serious poetry and, although I love the melody and beats also, the words are everything to me. This often gets me a bad rap for loving all the "sad" or "weird" songs.

As much as I wanted to be a Punk Rock Princess in my late teens, I was far too little to get beat up in the most pits and living in the Pacific Northwest at the time left me ripe for the Indie music scene. So, with my punk rock buddies and boyfriends, I was always the girl exposing the new indie talents to them, whether they liked it or not.

I made my then-boyfriend-now-husband appreciate Death Cab for Cutie on an entirely different level. To this day we still see them live and can always agree on listening to their albums if we can agree on nothing else that day. Our big wedding song was "I Will Follow You Into The Dark," most likely their most infamous hit.

Most people complain that this is a "depressing" song but hubby and I agreed it was darkly gorgeous, succinct and real. Both of us have struggled and will always struggle with our faith and to us, this song was just raw truth in love and partnership. Of course this song made the mix and I listened to it on the drive in this morning, singing right along.

Music will always be my most wonderful and faithful companion and spans so many genres for me. Hubby also unearthed an old mix from an ex-roommate and I instantly remembered the origin of it and how much I loved it from the moment when it was burned onto that CD.

Among other CDs available for me to listen were Matchbook Romance, which made me want my old pink "Chucks" on, and the soundtrack to Across The Universe, an epic movie set to Beatles Music, followed by the ever amazing band, Cake. 

It's so wonderfully funny when you hear certain music and think "I completely forgot about this band, song, album, mix, etc!" I slowed down and just remembered all the moments associated with the tunes and felt grateful for the soundtrack.

Hubby and I have the 10 year mark looming for our engagement and wedding anniversary, but I'm not going to sit here and act like it's been cupcakes and rainbows. Sometimes it's music like the songs on the mix that remind you of how far we've come and what we can push through. Musical reminders are super important, in my humble opinion.

There are some tried and true musicians that have kept me sane over the years, no doubt about that, but any band that I love is definitely part of my life's soundtrack, my story and probably contributed some kind of theme song to my days.

I have made friends through music in more ways than one. I have kept close friendships through music as well and I seriously wish I could be a professional concert-goer and make money from it. One of the best times of my life was writing reviews for Creative Loafing and getting to go to free shows. I saw so many bands I would have never been able to afford and had a blast taking it all in.

For me, music is the soundtrack of my life through the good memories and the bad. It has gotten me through the best of times and the worst of times and is an epic anti-depressant, therapeutic healer, and friend for the lonely times. I'll probably write about this over and over, but to me, it cannot be stressed, exclaimed and explained enough! Rock on, readers!