The Song Remains The Same, But The Times They Are A Changing

Yeah I just titled that with a Led Zeppelin - Bob Dylan mash up. So get ready for a musically themed post for this Friday.

There are weird albums, songs, and bands from my late teens early twenties that can bring back some of the most random memories or have some kind of sensory reminiscent thing with me. Mostly, however, I've discovered that the same amazing songs just have new levels of depth and meaning.

It's so hilarious to me how we can listen to these albums over and over but not really "get them" until we're ready to hear them in a particular way. We watched "Bohemian Rhapsody" over the weekend so naturally I have been binge-listening Queen on repeat. A Night At The Opera is an album my dad and I used to listen to all the time. There is this song, "Love Of My Life," and it's completely gorgeous but I never really listened to it until the movie. The movie portrayed it as a tragic love song about being in love with someone that you couldn't ever completely give yourself to, nor could you live without them. This has been on repeat for me all week, because I think it's honesty is as gorgeous as it's tune.

As a Spotify addict, and a Pandora loather, Spotify will judge my random playlists with suggestions that I can choose to add, rather than be forced to listen to. Sorry Pandora, but just because I like Taylor Swift doesn't mean I want to listen to an hour of Rascal Flatts, no offense. Spotify reminded me of my favorite Coldplay album and I heard this one song again but actually listened and was like, "Holy crap! Relevant much!?"

Zeppelin wins in saying the Song Remains The Same because in more ways than one, it completely does. Music is timeless. So when people say they don't "like" The Beatles or The Rolling Stones I don't understand what that means. You don't have to brush your teeth to "Love Me Do," or "Paint It Black," but music transcends everything. You've heard those songs regardless of if you put them on yourself, and I feel like you at least have to recognize the talent factor.

I'll always feel I was born in the wrong era, but in some ways I get the best of it all because I can revisit the legends, judge the new kinds and appreciate every single transition of the ages. I love almost every kind of music, or at least I can appreciate what it's doing for it's audience. Some people are more instrumental in their tastes, others are lyrical.

I'm completely lyrical in my obsessions. Any song can have a good beat but when you tell me a story, a story that I've lived or felt or been in myself, it is a very different experience. I don't enjoy Britney Spears music because she is deep. She's catchy and fun and dances well and I give the girl mad props for being herself. I don't love Bowling For Soup because they have touched my heart with their wise words. They are funny and great stage performers and they give you the fun tunes you need when you're stuck in traffic.

Led Zeppelin I listen to when I need perspective on the world. Death Cab For Cutie writes my soul into compositions that have shaken me. Hanson has gotten me through some of the worst moments because they write words that encourage and affect me.

I don't judge anyone's taste, anyone can like and listen to what they please, but what I know as a fundamental truth about me, is that music is life, I'm better with it, and it always keeps me going. I have felt the most spiritual experiences in front of a stage just watching someone completely electrify the audience with their musical presence.

Times are definitely changing. The arena concerts just make me sad because you spend all this money on an uncomfortable seat to see someone on screens instead of in a smaller venue where you can feel the music to it's fullest and dance until you can't stand anymore. I've caved and gotten the arena seats just to be in the presence of Paul Simon, Billy Joel, Rod Stewart and Neil Diamond but I didn't get to sing and dance around like I do when I go see Dashboard Confessional and scream and cry and sing with them the very songs that defined my teenage years.

Paul Simon has written some of the best poetry that has spoken worlds to me, but I'll never see him in a tiny club like my parents and their friends. I'm always at my best when surrounded by meaningful music. Sometimes I get so irritated when I drive with my husband because I put on a non-Disney playlist and I just want to listen to the songs, and he wants to talk about stuff. Rude, right? Kidding! I just love my time with music.

There are a few newer artists who are thriving in creativity for the next generation but I've also felt that parental gap where certain things are just "noise." I mean I can understand why they are "cool," but they are definitely not for me. I actually had the horrifying realization recently that most popular songs by pop women are about sex and filled with innuendos and even my favorite childhood bands were littered with sexual themes and my parents either didn't notice or didn't care.

I'm always thankful when my favorite artists make new music. I feel like it's a personal gift to me. I thank them by going to see them live, provided they come to Florida, which sometimes they don't. My husband and I saw one of our all time favorite bands, The Decemberists last year at The House of Blues Orlando and I was dancing and singing all the songs loudly without a care. I looked around and people were seemingly just bobbing along with little enthusiasm. I said "No wonder they don't come down here! No one is dancing and their music is for dancing!" Yes, I'm that crazy person hippie dancing always.

I'm going into this weekend with great playlists ready to embrace those songs that are staying the same but acknowledge that the times they are a changing. That doesn't mean I'll ever stop listening to vinyls though...

Poetic Playlists And Powerful Prowess

Does anyone else have playlists they default to based on their mood or current goings on? Or is that just me? Every time I need a reminder that I can be a bad ass and am mentally and spiritually strong, I somehow default to Dashboard Confessional. Besides the fact the lead singer is completely delicious and their words are poetry, I feel comfort knowing that they have written about what I have personally felt. Today is brought to you by "Bend And Not Break:"

I catalog these steps now, decisive and intentioned,

precise and patterned specifically to yours.

I'm talented at breathing, especially exhaling,

so that my chest will rise and fall with yours.

I'm careful not to wake you, fearing conversation.

It's better just to hold you and keep you pacified.

I'm talented with reason, I cover all the angles.

I can fail before I ever try.

Try to understand, there is an old mistake that fools will make.

And I'm the kind of them, pushing everything that's good away.

So won't you hold me now? I will not bend, I will not break.

Won't you hold me now? For you I rise for you I fall.

I am fairly agile. I can bend and not break.

Or I can break and take it with a smile.

I am so resilient. I recover quickly.

I'll convince you soon that I am fine. 

So this song is a reminder for me, of the struggle to coexist. I'm opening the doors to start talking about this with a lot of close friends and family, which is insanely difficult for me. I have had to maintain a powerful prowess and keep up appearances, and with that, so many people have made assumptions about me that are now keeping us from successfully relating to one another.

I take full responsibility for this. It has been my armor to not over-share or let people in. It has also been part of my denial and justifications of bad situations, to feel like they "probably knew," and just chose to stay separate. Guess what? Bridging these gaps, feels super volatile right now.

Living in the shadows of rough times can make you feel the need to "keep you pacified." It makes you, "talented with reason, I cover all the angles, I can fail before I ever try." As a classic over-thinker, when I needed help the most, when I wanted to tell family how it was, I then pictured the disappointment about not being able to handle my own life, and being told how I was to fix it, and not being heard, so I just stayed quiet, "pacified," and failed even before I tried.

It has taken years to come to terms with and own it all and here I am. Ironically, it's now that I'm faced with avoiding some cacti in the desert, so to speak, and if I'm not careful, I will get scratched while going forward on my journey. I willingly admitted today that I'm due for a therapy session on how best to handle not being so prickly. 

While hanging onto the facade of having it together, I actually put myself back together. Some noticed, some haven't a clue. And now that I'm finally standing back up without being so wobbly, I refuse to fall again, if I can avoid it. I've recently tackled a lot of my feelings of being disrespected and feel like I'm healing there, so the prospect of this being threatened is throwing me.

I have some issues with politeness and etiquette, I've found. I learned young that you may not be in love with a gift from someone, or even really want to keep it, but a gift is a gift so you say thank you and show appreciation. I also learned that when it comes to any shared household and marriages, you thank both parties in a household for any gift or hospitality. What I mean is and for example, say your childhood friend has a dad that's a lawyer and a stay-at-home mom. You don't just go thank the dad for the gift because he makes money. You thank the dad and the mom and the kid because, as a family, they gave you something. Small things like this make huge differences to me, I'm learning and I feel like these variances in gratitude speak worlds.

Resentment has always been a struggle for me; always. I think it's part of the world of addiction and that addiction is still so forgotten to be a family disease. Spouses and children of addicts are always seen as so separate from the issue of the addict, so it gets hazy and often feels unfair. So I do resent all avenues of feeling unrecognized for my growth while being submersed in addictive circumstances.

I've had to be strong when I didn't want to. I've had to take charge when I didn't know if I could. I had to clean up the mess with no help and no hope. I've had to stay positive when surrounded by a million reasons to be negative. And because I'm human, I'd like to get a little "Attagirl," from the ones who noticed at the very least.

In some ways I have gotten that validation, but currently I stare in the face of a situation where not only do I not have any acknowledgement, but straight ignorance, and I'm struggling. I can bend, but not break.

I wish I had the power to "not care." I desperately wish I could shrug it off and walk away. But to quote Arya Stark, "That's not me." What is me, now, is recognizing ALL OF THIS; especially through the power of a poetic song and amazing Dashboard Confessional playlist that I made. I will be working heavily on navigating these feelings and I'm sure this will have a follow up post. But any suggestions are welcome too! 

Away I go to keep trying to grow!