When I was 18 I had this insane crush on the wrong guy. He was awesome we were just not compatible. This was an incredible pattern in my youth. From the neighbor across the street who was super dreamy and he thought I was the most annoying girl ever (full disclosure, I was) (also my best friend is laughing reading this right now) to my best guy friend when I was 16 who was completely and utterly gay and not interested in anything about me being a woman, but we just kind of "got each" other, all the way to age 18 and this kid was a fixture in my early childhood that reemerged in my college years. Of course I thought this was meant to be.
Anyway, I could blog about him because man did I make an epic mess of that one, but the moral of THIS particular post is the fact that he and I went on many, many, many road trips together. Most often to visit his family, we had concentrated car time of 2.5 hours each way. Of course I had to know and like all the bands he did and subtly force my music at him as often as possible.
He was the WORST at reading me. I could be visibly pouting and he'd be oblivious. So one time we're getting ready to go on this drive and I do it, I make...THE PLAYLIST. This mix CD had all the songs on it about how I felt, and most of them by HIS favorite bands, total bonus, and it was carefully constructed so he would completely fall in love with me by the road trip's end and then happily ever after. It was the best plan ever and couldn't possibly fail, right?
This didn't even remotely work. He skipped the songs the meant the most and unveiled my true feelings for him and even fell asleep once or twice. Of course I just sang them along to myself with all the damned feels, pouring out my soul to essentially just myself. I can now laugh hysterically about my young, naive ways and how this was a total chick move, which of course epicly failed.
Anyone who knows the complete ME, knows that I take my music very seriously. I may not be addicted to clothes shopping and having new sheets with matching duvets, but I seriously almost took out a loan and cancelled all our family vacations this year to take me and my hubby to the last Warped Tour in California to be gross and uncomfortable for 3 days of raw, live music that would officially retire us from all punk rock persuasions.
Ironically, I still make playlists, mix CDs and communicate like this. I think I do this in an attempt to be more heard, but sometimes you have to really listen, which can be tough for people. Honestly, the reactions to the songs or albums I pass along are everything to me and I note them carefully.
My best friend and I communicate almost solely through Hanson songs and remind each other of the ones we may have forgotten in trying times. My husband and I trade songs randomly just for fun, it could be old, it could be new or it could be weird ones we would have never thought one another could find. I could send around music to the point of becoming really annoying, so I usually just engulf myself in playlists.
When my long lost friend, previously blogged about, rekindled our friendship, I sent him a care package with something like 7 burned CD mixes introducing him to all my favorite bands and songs and then wrote descriptions about what the songs meant to me and then why I sent them his way. He's a good dude so he actually read and listened. He may still have them if a girlfriend didn't find them and trash them!
Whenever I'm going through, well anything, I find my way through it with music. So when I feel friendships or relationships strained, and definitely when I'm stressed and anxious, you'll find new or revamped playlists in my Spotify for me to get me through the day. Since I'm still very much in CD mode this just sparks ideas for "mix tapes" to burn and helps me revisit my version of classics of my thirty plus years as a music lover on this planet.
I make playlists for friends, family and situations that no one will ever hear, but often I will send a song or two as a way to say things I can't find my way to communicating properly otherwise. A couple years ago a friend and I had a "song off," where we traded favorite songs and notes on why they were awesome. It's a great way to learn new tunes and share feelings, no matter how subtle or strong.
I did this even further back and exchanged Spotify lists. I made mine in like 10 minutes and it was thoughtful and real and said everything about me. The returned one from my buddy was definitely a compilation of music that was enjoyable but not many of the songs had a message, or if they did it most likely wasn't the message that was actually being sung. Since then I've sent my buddy a few songs trying to convey some pretty rough feelings I'd been going through and the response was that it wasn't a favorite kind of music and couldn't get into it. I laughed on my drive home about that, because clearly it hadn't occurred that the song send was a way of indicating I wanted help outta my "funk."
If you REALLY listen to songs exchanged and shared, they say WORLDS about me, myself, and my situation. I know this isn't the case for everyone. For some people, music is just music. For me, music is where I go when I can't write or formulate the words and I feel it needs to be taken to the next level.
I've actually always dreamt of being a music video producer or the person that selects songs for soundtracks and scenes in shows and movies. I think that music can change any dynamic quickly. Something sad could be changed into a more calm situation with the right song. I firmly believe that music is the soundtrack of my life.
If you really listen to what I choose to put on, or a song I send you, the messages can be multifaceted, even complicated depending on my mood. I take lyrics very seriously and Google them to no end to make sure I know what they are saying. Music can change meaning over the years, and in incredible ways. When I was 17 and listening to the Beatles, they were jaunty, catchy tunes. Then I saw "Across the Universe" and really started listening to their collection and they're crazy deep and insightful.
The songs that I thought meant something different in my youth, have aged with me and now hit me in new ways. I love how timeless music is, no matter what medium you're listening to. I remember loving the Backstreet Boys because their songs were catchy and they were all over MTV and then when my parents got divorced my dad was explaining to me that most of those songs were about heartbreak and break ups and failed relationships. I had to really listen because the music videos just had dance moves to distract you from it being kind of depressing subject matter.
I even always loved depressing music though, even when I was particularly happy. I love how music could just kick you right in the feels and make you succumb to all the emotions you may have been avoiding. I've cried at plenty of concerts and not in a fan girl way, but just because watching it all happen live can be intense and spiritual.
I'm also kind of a harsh critic. Now I'm not one to say what is better or best or that certain music "sucks," but for me it is all about substance. I knew I was getting old when I heard Rihanna's song "Work" and thought, "Well this is just noise. What is she even saying?"
I know why songs get popular and hit Billboard, but I also know that some artists are really saying things and conveying things to their fans, while others are just in it for the showmanship. For me it is all about THE MESSAGE. I try to really listen, because if you really listen, a whole new musical world can open up before you.
If I ever send you a song, you should know that I have something to convey with it. I'm your go to person for when you're having a bad day, I'll find the song to illustrate what you're going through. I believe that music is a huge part of healing. Music makes me a better person and I actually get depressed if I don't listen to it enough.
We have songs for when we are happy, sad, mad, in love, in a break-up, confused, and so on and so forth. Some songs are just silly and catchy and some will stop you in your tracks and change the face of your day, or even your life:
Natalie Portman was right, by the way, that one song did actually change my life. Not only is Garden State in my top 5 all time soundtracks, but because of this movie and this scene, I'm a hardcore Shins fan. One day I hope to get my favorite quote from that song, "New Slang," tattooed on me someday.
So here I am typing and I'm listening to this playlist I made for today as I'm sifting through mental closure of unresponsiveness and moving on from old versions of myself while growing into new places and phases. Each song is on there saying something specific. Some lyrics are meant to be heard and understood verbatim, some are more metaphoric, and some of just the ideas and melodies of general feels and emotions racing through me.
Sometimes I make playlists and think about if you really listened to them on a chilly evening by a fire pit and curled up to talk about why they are the best, how transforming it could be, knowing full well those nights are super rare. Call me a hippie but all of my best Oregon associations with smoking weed were mostly around listening to albums and hippie dancing to them.
I truly believe, wholeheartedly that there is a soundtrack to accompany everything in life. It could be a road trip, a weekend getaway, a rough conversation, a family event, a life change, or just a bike ride. There are songs that take you away within every situation to where you should be.
So, if you REALLY listen to music, and if you REALLY listen when someone shares a song or album with you, you can learn an immense amount about anything from what they are personally going through, to what their taste in music is, to what they want to say to you but maybe lack the best way to do it. This isn't to say that if you get sent a love song that the sender is actually in love with you but it's a great conversation starter, regardless.
It's my advice that you REALLY listen, and if you do, drink it in, pay attention and get into that groove!
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