The Wonderful Thing About Triggers

No, TRIGGERS, not Tiggers! But what a wonderful alliteration, no? So here we begin for a Monday.

Being "Triggered," is now almost a trendy thing, and there are all forms of it. Some things can bring flashbacks, some can spark anxiety or prey on depression, some can make you want to eat all things, but triggers are real, and often tough to navigate.

In my early experiences for depression and anxiety therapy, they advocate you identify your triggers. This has been a new journey in all walks of my person life and it is both awakening and exhausting simultaneously.

Side comments and sarcasm can trigger. Sometimes things hit a nerve right? For me, I get triggered when I have someone who is extremely drunk or clearly high on pills/meth/cocaine bombard my bubble when I'm not expecting this. See, if I go to a bar or an establishment where alcoholics and addicts just are, I can adjust my expectations properly. If I am anywhere in broad daylight, especially around children, it always takes me aback, not that a parent might have wine or a beer near kiddos, but that someone could be unabashedly wasted around the smaller youth. These are triggers for me.

I know they are triggers for others as well and they can really mess with you at times. When I get triggered I either have a shorter fuse for patience, or I just sink a bit mentally. I feel like I have to mentally talk myself out of the funk until I can handle the situation at hand. It often feels uncomfortable and exhausting.

We don't like to talk about our feelings do we? This is the very foundation of the world of therapy and its profits because we pay to have someone draw it out of us. Navigating all of this stuff often makes us feel like we are in the woods with no compass and no signal for GPS. 

Triggers can come out of nowhere too, which can feel like a metaphorical throat punch that knocks the wind out of you, depending on the situation. I'd recently experienced a trigger where my husband was playfully poking fun at me about being a mean grouch but it took me back "Stranger Things" style to the black-back-rounded, wet floor vignette of watching an older alcohol-fueled argument of being yelled at for being "mean, mean, mean," and other not nice words and it just stopped me in my tracks. I kind of had to sit down and close my eyes and remind myself that's not where we are.

My husband explained a trigger to me where he gets uncomfortable with class birthday parties at people's homes serving alcohol. He said, "If you throw a BBQ for your friends with kids and serve alcohol, no biggie, you know everyone on that list and are offering food and refreshments. If you have a family and friends birthday party for your kid where you personally know all the parents, and you have alcohol available, whatever. But when you invite strangers into your house, people you don't know well, you invite and entire classroom and their parents to accompany them, and you have beer next to the Capri Sun, I think that's a little weird." I keyed into this and saw what he was talking about and I for one don't drink around people I just don't know well. Knowing the triggers, we find our way to deal.

Admitting triggers is tough, especially in a world where mental health awareness is still becoming mainstream. I think so many people just take it as another form of "sensitivity," to life but mental health matters are real and deserve some patience and respect.

I get very triggered amidst the disregard and disrespect for mental health as well. It isn't as intensive as some other instances, but triggered, nonetheless. I feel like some people get the idea to test the boundaries and I'd like to ask, please don't!

 

I've been on this planet 34 years and my mother JUST NOW has started acknowledging my anxiety, depression and related issues as more than just "a hard time," or "over-sensitivity." This is a whole new thing for us and sometimes it gets weird.

This isn't some PSA about walking on eggshells, either. I've lived that way. It's incredibly not worth it. This is about the general respect and awareness that everyone handles their lives and their struggles in completely different ways so generally be patient, be kind, and give them a little space on things.

I've had to use my patience and kindness dutifully lately and as of last night, I had to learn to respect the space as I have also needed my space respected. The wonderful thing about triggers though, is they are a gateway to better connection, and better understanding. A simple, "What triggered you?," can go a long way and getting an explanation can help you be more communicative and mindful for future interactions. This is a PROCESS, people! It is a process that takes time and energy. It's also not a "fix," but it can still mend broken fences, if you will. 

So to kick off a week I suggest you share and ask about triggers with those you know have heaviness in their minds. Try it and report back!

Weight A Minute

Weight stuff sucks. I just text my husband a "feeling fat" reference and he told me that your body fluctuates up to 3 to 5 pounds difference a day and not to feel discouraged. My shorts are telling me something else, I feel.

I gave up "diets" forever ago and I found that everything in moderation works best. I can be super extreme about diets. When I was on Weight Watchers a decade ago, I used to eat like 4 servings of low fat soup, and save all of my calories and cheat points for liquid calories or an order like this one:

I can also just not eat. It's like a medieval challenge for me to starve. This is not the correct approach, I found. I also hate the idea of missing out on food, or fun because of dieting.

For years I worked in close proximity to what I call "Food Shamers." You were damned if you do, damned if you don't. You were highly praised for losing weight when noticed, and side comments were always made. It was not a happy environment. If you were given "free lunch" you would feel guilted into eating but then shamed for eating Pizza, Chik-Fil-A or whatever, later. It was maddening.

It was after that I realized I wanted to eat and do whatever. That also backfired. Calories suck. It is now, with many workouts, endless therapy, age and my thyroid working against me, that it's all about moderation, all the time.

So this morning I put on my shorts that I haven't worn since...October maybe? In October I was still going to spin and boot camp. I had just toned up like a boss and was gradually getting out of obsessive workout mode and into mental health matters. The shorts were a little tight. Frustrating.

I refuse to watch the Marie Kondo thing on Netflix but I get the whole "not sparking joy" thing to the point where I purged my whole closet. Any pants that made me feel fat or less than, have moved on. And also some pairs of shorts. I refuse to feel "badly" about myself in what I'm wearing.

So I talked myself down, "Okay, you haven't negatively changed your diet. You are still transitioning from Boot Camp to kickboxing which is just a whole new routine for your body to adjust to. You also just got the diagnosis that you have an underactive thyroid working against you. You don't LOOK unhealthy. You're good girl."

I text some friends for moral support. I did the mirror check at work. Then I listened to my Dax Shepard podcast and he said how important physical activity is, not for vanity, but for mental health and my self esteem perked right back up, why?

I'm in a way healthier mental space now, then I was consumed with double workouts, hating to run and feeling lack luster about routines. So what if my pants disagree. This is just affirmation of why I adore leggings more. 

I consider myself a body positive person, but also get a little worried when it comes to those heavier people that are technically and medically unhealthy. Be curvy, gorgeous women, but also be healthy. You can embrace your size but don't eat McDonald's 5 times a week. The health standards and balanced diets exist for a reason. You don't have to technically fit in, but also don't risk unnecessary health problems and shorter life span just because you want to not care about what you can eat.

By technical standards, I have never fit the "ideal weight" for my height and even at my most fit, and most skinny, I didn't fit into them, but my BMI was healthy, and had no health concerns. Sure, my thyroid is being a ridiculous challenge that has me fearing western medicine, but I work out 30 minutes a day 5 to 6 days a week, sometimes longer. I don't eat junk routinely and drink maybe one night a week or one night every few weeks, if that. I'm still curvy and not a size 0. Everyone is different.

I think we all struggle with our weight, whether or not we want to admit it, but we just need to "weight a minute." Life happens, some days you need two cupcakes, some days you don't. Food is amazing and I've never regret eating anything...anything that didn't give me food poisoning that is.

I love trying new things, desserts, and having great wine with it all. I'm willing to work for that, no questions asked. I realized very young that I cannot sit around and eat what I want. However, if I work out or participate in athletic activities I can care less about what I'm eating and just work on moderation. One cupcake, not four.

We will all have bad days, bloated and frumpy days, and days we think we're Beyonce. Just saying. 

My encouragement and pep talk is, do what works for you and makes you happy for your health level. Just "weight a minute" the next time you get a case of the "feeling yucky body moments" and think about your health. If you're doing what you can, and not pushing too many boundaries for your metabolism and such, you're doing awesome. Maybe there are other ways to improve upon? Aren't there always? 

Stay strong readers and just "weight a minute," because we all have those days when we just feel so, "bleh." But remember, you are Beyonce, always!