Vacation Bliss and Sick Daze: Whirlwind Unwound

Well, it's been awhile. I'm welcoming myself back into things as I type. Where have I been? Well, with the exception of a great trip, I have been nowhere awesome. In fact, I had been so ill last week I just couldn't pull it together to write, but I'm back and rebuilding in every which way to finish this year strong.

We had driven from left coast Florida to Hilton Head Island South Carolina for a Savannah, Georgia wedding and had a trip that caused my best friend to text me and tell me to do whatever it was we were doing more, so that the joy captured on my face was there way more often.

We had fun at the beach, we did some learning about the area, we went to a petting zoo, played a round of mini golf, we got treats galore! We were living our best lives as the cool kids say. We weren't breaking the bank, which was beyond amazing for us, too. That allowed for more relaxation in fact.

After a great family weekend with one minor speed bump, which now in retrospect is so telling it's almost creepy, I came home to one of the nastiest illnesses I have ever experienced.

Our last night we went to a restaurant my husband wanted to try. Full disclosure, I really don't enjoy going out to dinner. Breakfast out is a dream, lunches I can handle, but dinner with a 6 year old out, is like a race against time before she's done and you just want to relax and get your money's worth.

First I ordered a peach bellini, thinking it would be one way and it came out with more pulp than all of Florida's orange juice. I don't send things back. I also major in passive aggression. I will not complain and I don't want conflict. My husband is Mr. Restaurant Man and encouraged me to send it back, so I did. It was not an easy thing and actually caused a bit of a strain between us because I can get a little high strung in those situations and often over-stress it. 

When we ordered I tried to be adventurous and when I got my food it was lacking. After the humiliation and strain of the drink send back I didn't want to make another fuss and be "that customer" of the evening. The cole slaw on my tacos tasted weird, so I made the hubby try it. I said, is it like "bad" or a flavor that I'm not into? He said it was fine, I grinned and finished up, we headed to ice cream. For ice cream I ordered a blue cookie monster thing and then made everyone laugh at my blue tongue, blue lips and blue teeth to lighten the evening. We walked off the food and returned for the last night in the condo. I hit the hot tub for all of 10 minutes but then started to feel off.

I will admit that I'm that person who has physical trouble on her travels, meaning, my body gets off its normal schedule, if you get what I mean. In new places with unreliable bathroom use, my body gets tense and tends to stay that way until nature has it's way and wins. My husband made me a probiotic tea at the first mention of my tummy being off. It seemed to get some things feeling better. I slept. We got up early to see the sun rise before the long day in the car.

I was not even kind of hungry. I just wanted coffee. The coffee seemed to help the second act of whatever my tummy was going through. I didn't have solid food until 11AM and started with crackers. Then my husband and I shared some chicken salad. It wasn't until we were 2 hours from home I finally caved and got fast food. I got Taco Bell and at the time it was amazing and gave me the push through for the final stretch. However, as soon we were home and comfy I started to feel even more off. And so it began.

I will spare you the gory details, this is not that kind of blog, but let's just say my body was rebelling against either, dinner the night before, or the cheesy gordita crunch or all of the above. I had more tea and more calming food and still, things were leaving my body swiftly and I was having the most intense stomach cramps I have ever experienced. As the night went on it was coupled with fever and chills and long showers and midday naps weren't cutting it. I called into work Monday, with no choice but to rest. I got a weird second wind Monday and changed our sheets, convincing myself I would be fine the next day after all the extra sleep, and a bowl of pasta. 

Monday night was another sleepless night but I was going to work, come hell or high water. I hit the grocery store for reserves after rolling out of bed, taking a long shower, throwing on clothes, resting in bed another 10 minutes and then pulling it together enough to get myself to the store and the office. I got to the office 20 minutes early and napped in my car. I just had to make it to lunch I told myself.

I was on a steady diet of ginger ale, gatorade, water, and all I wanted was applesauce. I had cheese as the secondary option for protein. On my lunch I took a car nap then woke up violently needing to hit the bathroom. I started to have horrible cramping to the point where I felt faint, and then another ugly symptom came up and that's when I called in the hubby. He told me it was time to leave work, and go to urgent care, enough was enough.

My bosses were fine with me leaving early and I made it to urgent care in about 30 minutes. They warned me of a two hour wait. It only took me about 30 minutes before I got to a room, and my husband came to join me later. When the doctor came in, I had left out some important and gross symptoms my husband filled in for him, and apparently I warranted one injection and 2 prescriptions.

I was uncomfortable and in an haze. Ironically the shot was administered through none other than my butt and a very young, attractive woman who was a nurse practitioner had to see my old pale rear end to give me my injection to feel better. I will say my color came back quickly and I was released to go home and rest. The residual migraine stayed with me and off I went to get better. I had to take Wednesday off as well.

On Wednesday while the meds were working their magic I felt very spacey, almost high. I watched all the things on "the big TV," I normally wouldn't be allowed to if the kid were home. I tried to stay up all day so I could sleep well that night. I wasn't allowed to work out while I was on the meds and my husband check in on me that I was just resting and trying to get in some calories.

I had lost about 6 lbs in 2 days. Most women would jump for joy. I'm not even kind of "most women." This was killing me. I wanted my body back. I missed things like coffee, having any kind of appetite, wanting real food or meat and not having to go to the bathroom after every meal. I missed not feeling so thirsty and feeling like I actually knew my body. I felt like my body was just rebelling like "how could you!?" 

It wasn't until exactly a week later, last night, that I could eat at normal capacity. This morning was my first cup of coffee in over a week. After all of this, after everything, I realize how important it is to take care of myself in more ways than one. After I went to urgent care my daughter said "Mom, it was not a good idea for you to go to work this morning!" She wasn't wrong.

On the one hand, showing my make-up-less struggling, slightly smelly self was proof that I was actually not okay. On the other, it did me no favors. I was stupid grateful for my husband and daughter being supportive. I was also grateful the dog gave me endless healing cuddles. My bosses were amazing, with no guilt, and that helped me heal as well. 

This morning was my first workout back and I had to take it slow. I'm usually the last one to go after western medicine as the healing but I couldn't wait it out, and now I'm back to finish this year off and here is where I'm idling:

I can only do what I can with what is before me. This year has been one of healing and growth and we have made some serious moves in our family life and personal lives. It's been really hard. I've had to admit some stuff about my life, my family and myself that I don't want to. I've had to face some old traumas. I've had to grow UP.  Next year will be more of that.

I'm here and lucky to be here with the family that is mine and the good health I have. It is my job to make the most of the time I have on this planet. There will continue to be good days and bad days, vacation bliss and sick days and life's whirlwind may wind me up and keep me spinning but I just need to keep my focal point so as not to lose my balance.

I plan on finishing this year of blogging as intended and I'm not sure what 2020 will look like for writing. I appreciate all of you taking the time to read along and will be working on new topics this week and through the holidays. I'm back in action and hope to not be knocked down any time again soon!

Emotional Smog Intake

Last night I had a meltdown. It was quiet and over something seemingly fixable, stupid and ridiculous. Last night I felt the emotional eruption that would leave dust, smoke and smog and I was fighting for air.

Have you ever had to take in so much from "the other" that you've left no room for anything of your own? This other could be a friend, a sister, a cousin, a husband, a kid, a neighbor, whomever. Have you ever had to take in all of the stuff and then figure out where to put it but you come out just feeling depleted and without storage capacity? This happened to me last night.

Refreshingly when I explained my tears and tantrum to my husband he said, "Okay, I can see how that could be taxing." It just kind of took me over. Remember that epic cartoon movie Ferngully? Remember Hexxus?

Yeah it was like that. Where just this dark emotional, pollution of smog just came in and knocked me right out.

It didn't come out in the midst of the multiple exchanges I had that have now been identified as triggering. Like secondhand smoke it came in small increments but throughout the day, consistently. It was like, I'd get close to a mental wall, then regroup, then get hear a higher spiky wall, regroup and then a wall with a moat, then regroup but finally I was like "I can't do this."

What couldn't I do? I couldn't order take out food. I lost it when I inadvertently messed up my order, overpaid or was overcharged, whatever, and then came home to my super-husband handling our puking first grader himself, in an attempt to give me a calm, happy evening. 

Everything mentally collapsed in front of me and came down to "I just wanted a burrito bowl and I can't even order that! I've been dying to try this place and I'm so hangry, I'm stressed about spending on this, money is tight and I just can't deal!" Yes all of that, from a big emotional fog.

I paint myself as a good friend, good listener and someone there for you. I can do that for people, and like being a reliable support system. That isn't to say that everyone doesn't have limitations. I was definitely unaware I could hit all of mine in one day.

First there was the mom guilt of needing to be home for the sick kiddo but hubby was off anyway, and he assured me that he could handle it just fine. Then there is the money worries and budget, which just sets in ANY TIME I BUY ANYTHING THAT ISN'T A "need." Add into that the emotional intake of all others and just me being anxious, and I had run myself into empty.

My husband was actually rational and kind about how the whole day ended up, which was better than what I had envisioned. I was still able to get some sleep but I'm definitely feeling hazy today.

It's such a weird thing. I was so intent on listening and I have heard things so closely but so much of what I've heard hasn't been things to take "lightly" so to speak. Life is heavy. I desperately try to operate with no judgment but sometimes, I gotta say, I kinda wanted to scream a bit. Everyone has their trauma, their struggles and their ongoing battles, but we have to remain open and grateful.

I'll admit I still wrestle with that whole "listen not to just wait to speak" thing where you have to actively listen rather than just wait your turn to talk thing. Yesterday it was all listening and less and less being heard when already feeling maxed out in the unheard department, that when I wasn't heard "quite properly" for the food order, the smog filled my lungs and make me cry in frustration. 

When my daughter was complaining about not feeling good I asked her if something else was going on and she admitted to me that she was stressed about having a new job in her classroom. Of course now I know that her little immune system was seriously struggling but she was definitely feeling the stress of change. She gets this from me. I always physically feel all my mentalities fighting it out.

While I'm navigating all of this, shakily, with blurred vision and desperate for more rest and reboot I've come to the conclusion that I really need to be more self-preservative. I really need to keep those boundaries in place. This whole "incident" wasn't anyone's fault or completely avoidable, but it sure was quite a reality check. While I feel fortunate that I recognize this all, and have some more support than I'd anticipated, boy did it shift some perspective. 

I think I'll be working through this for awhile. I'm sure the whole thing will be blogged out and thought out in one way or another. Happy Wednesday readers!

"Instincts Are Misleading, You Shouldn't Think What You're Feeling"

This post is going to be filled with all the quotes; you've been warned. So yesterday I woke up feeling "down a peg," and used the rain as an excuse to miss my kickboxing but still rallied at lunch on the elliptical. I'm still in heavy vacation recovery zone and yesterday I had to do a random project for my boss. Therefore, the blog post yesterday got lost in the shuffle, and I think that could be said about myself too.

Yesterday I did a classic "chick" move and text someone that had fallen off the grid and I did my whole "check in" thing. I knew I should have just let things succumb to the fade, but I am who I am. Is that a Popeye thing? Now this isn't a post about a fight or a blow out or even some kind of half closure. This is just about following your instincts and feeling some harsh realities.

To be clear this isn't a bad person or harmful person I reached out to, but rather someone who knew me during a rough phase in my life and that maintains only that perception and understanding of me. There is no knowledge of my personal work and growth and out of insecurity I sent that text almost looking for an opportunity to say, "But I'm getting better."

That opportunity didn't happen because, and just as I had suspected, just as my gut warned me, the conversation was directed to their recent break up and moving on to bigger and better conquests. In that moment I was reverted back to where I was two years ago with them, grasping to keep this kind of attention because it was all the attention I got. Yesterday, it just made me uncomfortable. In addition to that, the conversation was very much left hanging, no sense of closure or a reciprocated "Talk to you in a few weeks."

I then went through my normal anxious routine of "I told you so," "You knew this would happen," "You should have never checked in," "why do I even bother?", "I don't wanna deal with this," etc, etc.

True to form I then became irrationally angry that I was left hanging: "What you're too busy to say 'Talk to you later?'" "You're too good to take a moment to like, close a conversation or give some reassurance in this situation?" "If I can make time to message you, you should be able to respond!?"

Following the above came the rationalizations and inner self-soothing dialogue. And don't even act like you don't do this yourself because we all do! I started thinking to myself, "Well it was mentioned that things were overwhelming with the break up so just give it some time." "You put all that good energy out there and you can't FORCE a response, REMEMBER?" "They always come back, especially when you're not in a good enough space to hold your mental ground and navigate their stuff so, just keep that in mind." "It is what it is." "It really just is what it is, so just breathe and let it go."

Now this one fall back might be specific to just me but I usually "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" this stuff. There are usually a handful of people that I struggle with keeping afloat that I just wish I could forget about, in a non-mean way, but like they'd been erased and I could just no longer care. I just wish I could pluck them from my brain and every day existence. 

It was with prayers about my anxiety and a good workout at 9Rounds complete with punching things, getting out some aggression that I kind of reminded myself that I can "do no harm, but take no shit." I had to build myself back up into the idea that, it's not about me nor is it my fault that texts weren't returned, conversations weren't closed and that the whole exchange was uncomfortable. I mean I own my feelings of discomfort as, my just not being mentally prepared for the deluge of info and for not realizing the effect of it on me. However, regardless of how the exchange was left, I still can't control another person's opinion of me.

In an even more awakening light, I was listening to the Dax Shepard ArmChair Expert Podcast with Busy Phillips and he said something so right on I actually wrote it down on my work scribble pad. He said, "It's too uncomfortable to think they might now not like you so people stay half in a relationship still being there for them...I can't live with the notion that this person I like now hates me, but sometimes through your actions and other things that's just a part of living on planet earth."

That hit me like a stroke of lightning and happened just after this morning that all I could picture was that scene in The Office where Pam was going to see Karen for the first time after the break-up with Jim that subsequently got Pam and Jim together. Pam said, "I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I hate even thinking that al-Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me, they wouldn't hate me."

I kept replaying that scene in my mind mulling over the exchange and then came into work and popped on my morning podcast only hear that exact part of the ArmChair Expert interview clearly. It was something of kismet and started all good things in my mind. When I went to write the title to this post, after listening to a lot of The Cranberries this morning, all I could hear was one of my favorite Death Cab for Cutie songs, "Lightness," and there is a kind of bridge that sings, "Oh instincts are misleading, you shouldn't think what you're feeling. They don't tell you what, you know you should want."

It made me grateful that I was open enough to connect the dots instead of putting myself into some mental frenzy of insecurity and invalidation. It gave me affirmation that, sure I may have had a mis-step or emotional relapse of some kind but I'm also ridiculously human. 

All of the quotes ring true to me, my anxiety and my relationships of all kinds. I spent the morning making a playlist on Spotify dubbed, "Care Less," with all kinds of songs designed to fuel my whole, "let it go," "it is what it is," and "let it be" cliche mantras to get me through the weird funk I'm now lifting myself out of only a tad hazily.

Ironically I'm not really embarrassed to admit or write about any of this. Why? Because we've all had this happen. It could have happened when you were 14 or just yesterday. We have these anxious exchanges with friends, ex-friends, ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends, old family members we don't stay in touch with that leave us feeling inferior, unappreciated or less than. It could be a product of a bad day, or a mental health slump, or it could just be those sticky insecurities tripping us up. It could be many people, many things, many reasons, but guess what? It has hit us all at one time or another.

I used to journal about stuff like this and write weird narratives about it or some beatnik poem. This time I'm just openly like "Yeah, I was THAT chick yesterday." Perhaps the bravery comes from the likelihood of the secondary party actually reading this being about the same as the chance I have of winning the lottery, but it is out here for ALL readers and interested parties so, "Que será, será."

For those of you who haven't had much experience with this, thanks for the reading time but remember that as "just a part of living on planet earth," odds are you'll reach this point one day and may my awkwardness guide you on your quest navigating weird relationship things.  

Case of the Mondays; Still Recovering From Three Kid Weekend Bonanza

This morning has been, "Just another Manic Monday, Ooooh oooh." Work has involved unnecessarily difficult customers with long-winded phone calls and the busy work seemed to be never ending. Here I am after my lunch run, finally getting to my blog and putting off a few things that can definitely wait.

So this past weekend I had my friend's son and daughter as house guests and I learned that I am 1000% supposed to only have one child. More importantly, I have a higher appreciation for anyone with more than one child, and the utmost respect and appreciation for the life and child I have created. I didn't realize how QUIET my house is with just her. Immediately, things that were once so easily done, required more tact or extra help and the things I had become accustomed to were on hiatus.

The perfect example would be going to the bathroom. Immediately I banned all children from my master bedroom and bathroom unless being given my permission for anything otherwise. I figured I needed some kind of "safe zone." I would close my bedroom door and my bathroom door but then they would bust in with some kind of issue. I couldn't even pee alone! My daughter is 6 now so I am much more used to being able to go to the bathroom alone. Not this weekend, though.

Peeing alone is like a mom-luxury that is always coveted. It was one of my favorite things about going back to work! There was no kid busting open a stall; no uncomfortable complaints about a smell from a nearby stall by the tiny person yelling at you to hurry it up. 

As far as the bed time stuff, my daughter goes down quietly and early. These kids cry loudly and go later. By Sunday I was a mombie and felt hungover from life. I could barely remember what or if I ate anything, all I knew was to have everything the kids could possibly need ever and keep feeding them. They ate their way through Saturday, Hungry Caterpillar style.

When my friend picked them up she joked, "Now you know what my life is like." I thought, well yes maybe but I think we all have a special place and special kind of patience for our own children that just doesn't always transition to "the other kids."

My husband hit it outta the ballpark helping as much as he could but Sunday morning I just hit this mental limit where I couldn't really deal very well. It was loud, there was no such thing as enough coffee and I couldn't think straight. I'd had not 10 minutes of peace because it was "take time for you, or get sleep so you can handle tomorrow." I always choose sleep. 

After the kiddos had left, my husband and I kicked into high gear on putting the house back in functioning order and by about 3PM all of us could barely move. My daughter was happy to not share and argue and watch hours of My Little Pony or play tablet. I was soooo happy that I could watch something without being chased after every 10 minutes. You could hear TVs but there was no other noise. 

What's in the Joni Mitchell song? "Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you got til it's gone?" Yeah all of that and more.

Besides the fact that we had children staying with us, I realized how much I had become accustomed to my coping mechanisms, my down time, my rebooting, and my mindful eating practices that having them disrupted, even for 48 hours just really messed me up mentally. It was like I started shutting down and not being able to formulate complete thoughts. It was super stressful.

It definitely made me ready for vacation but also made me super grateful for raising my daughter to enjoy her down time, just like her mother does. She was just as exhausted and mentally spent when they left, I could tell. I knew she liked having the company, but I also know how hard it is not to be able to just be yourself in your own place. 

This morning was a little frenzied and mentally I felt like it pushed me right back into that stressed place but I took a good run on lunch and kind of got myself out of the funk. This weekend was a lot of learning about myself but I feel good about that. I feel like the lessons were imperative to keep my forward momentum and stay the path to positive growth. I know it sounds hippie but, it feels like that is what I'm working with.

The kids had fun. There were many smiles and lots of silly memories made. There were nonsensical arguments and constant tattling. There were many funny things said and really weird things done but they had a good time.

So I'm still recovering from Three Kid Weekend Bonanza and my Friday vacation launch can't come soon enough but I'm here! I came, I blogged, I conquered! Happy Monday readers!

The Vibe And The Tribe Thing

Everyone seems to know this mantra these days. I can tell you over the past 6 months, this little rhyming ideology has been a game changer for me. My best friend used to tell me that I was easily meshed into any group. I didn't fit in a clique per-se but I attract all different kinds of people and I especially am found wanting to be "the good friend."

Motherhood has made my personal friendship stuff rough. Just last week I wrote about losing contact with a friend dear to me that really hurt me. Weirdly enough some of my best and long lasting friend relationships are long distance. It's not about seeing each other or even talking on some regular basis. It's about being there for each other during the best and the worst times and never completely losing touch.

My friend from Kindergarten, also someone I have blogged about, lives in Italy and I had him call me last week just for like a 20 minute phone call. We message each other weekly if not more, but when he called me I realized I hadn't actually heard his voice in like 2 years and I forgot about all the silly things that come with that kind of interaction, the laugh, the sarcasm and such. I got off the phone and just felt so contented having had that "normal" conversation because he's one of those people that just gets me.

It's after a handful of years of stress, darkness, anxiety, depression, anger and all the MUCK that I can now admit "Hey I've been completely lost and horrible," but also that I can clearly see who stuck around and let me be ANY version of me, and are now right there with me celebrating my growth. 

I've felt ashamed. I've been ashamed of myself, my family and my circumstances for seemingly have lost a grip on our stuff. We had some wonderful milestones that we hit in the midst of the dark times and I pushed myself into the "celebratory mode" to try and get myself out of my funk but it's weird how it is only now can I adequately appreciate the journey.

We had friends over for dinner, something I realized we don't do often. I used to blame this on my husband the chef never being home and no one wants anything I could ever cook. Then I realized that we had befriended people who were buying new houses and getting new furniture and shopping and decorating and that wasn't us. Our house is a mix of sentimental hand-me-downs and gifts and a celebration of us actually having a house of our own to paint weird colors and cover in canvases.

Our friends that we hosted last night have hosted us so many times. They have a fabulous home with a great pool and it's clean, kid-friendly, dog-friendly and super great for entertaining. This was the first time we had them over and I was concerned the kids would be bored because we just had toys, no pool. 

Our friends immediately saw our daughters room and were like..."WHOA THIS IS A COOL BEDROOM." Her loft bed was painted in colors she picked much like her walls and ceiling. She had fairy lights wrapped around the edges. She has a Nintendo Wii on a Disney Princess old school tube TV and huge plastic Maximus horse. Her loft bed had a mattress and stuffed animal beneath it to chill with her action figure shelf that she hand painted filled with Disney figurines awaiting to play. The dog has a staircase to get to the top of the loft bed which has My Little Pony "carpeting." Her room has green walls and a purple ceiling.

Then my daughter showed her guests her secret dream-house play-space, also known as the garage. My husband arranged a carpeted area with his drum set, her yoga mat and the heavy bag. So one was punching, one was drumming and everyone was having a blast. My husband later told me that our friends husband said, "It's so creative over here. The piano, the drums, the place is covered in Luna's art and canvases and pictures she made everywhere it's so cool."

I had never thought of it that way. And today it is making my heart calm, happy and ridiculously grateful that we gave off that vibe. It made me think of our upcoming trip and where we are staying. We have a city full of family but I'm crashing with my best friend, her husband and their 3 children in their 3 bedroom, one bathroom house. Why? Because I have always loved staying with her because it feels like a home away from home. The last time we were there, she brought out old Barbie toys and a doll house for my daughter that they still had. They have dogs, cats, bunnies, chickens, you name it. The girls re-decorate and swap rooms often. There are pictures of her mom and family and craft projects everywhere. I'm completely comfortable there and it just makes sense to be around my people.

My house is a place where you can spill without getting yelled at. I didn't spend $2,000 on a dinette set so, if you get glue on my table I could care less. We don't have matching furniture so if you stain something maybe it will actually match another piece. I watched two friends we really enjoy, and their kids, just walk into our house and embrace it. Then I watched my daughter show off all the things she loves about her home from, the guest room to her room, to her garage. It was a weird sort of gratification, in a way.

My husband outed me as only having "the same people," over. We have my cousins and our other close couple friends over. Otherwise we really don't "host." It's strange because I can hostess like a boss, but I think up until yesterday, I just felt so awkward about our house. I think I reflected all my own insecurities onto my poor house and last night it proved itself to be our "home."

The vibe and the tribe thing are real. Even through my worst phases of life, the people that have caused me stress or discomfort, the people who I have been challenged by, the ones who have stuck around to see me push through everything, are enjoying me being in a better place and THAT feels amazing too.

And don't get me wrong, it's not a "happy" thing. This isn't some "Oh yeah because I'm happy now." I'm not that person. I am awake, I am healing, I am growing and I am slowly owning my trauma. I was not able to do that 3 years ago. I was not able to do that 2 years ago. In that process I was not always like-able and I can own that now too.

If anything I'm affirming that all the cliches are completely real. You have to take things "one day at a time." If you can get a day with "no complaints," call it good. The feelings I'm putting out into the universe are being reciprocated as they should be and the things I don't need are falling out of the way.

I am finding that the people that I need to keep up my forward momentum are right there alongside me. My tribe is ridiculously important to me and I hold them dear. This isn't to say anyone who isn't in my "vibe" isn't in my "tribe" either. I feel good in my general surroundings and support system, which is a huge step. I have always felt that feeling lonely when you are alone is natural but feeling lonely when surrounded by people or in the company of friends is the absolute worst feeling ever, so you can afford to be picky about that sometimes.

With all my years with one foot in the hippie door in Oregon, I can tell you that most of their mantras are true and helpful so, I leave you with this for a Monday Musing: