Stormy Morning Slowdown - Self Love And Self Appreciation

Let me just preface this with the fact that I rarely know what I'm going to blog about, let alone get excited about it. There are so many days that the page stays blank and the cursor taunts me until I get going. Today was completely different and I knew exactly what I wanted to talk about. 

So, I've been writing a lot (perhaps too much) about self love, self appreciation and healing. This morning happened upon a lesson in all of the above and at 5AM for all times. I've recently taken to double work outs. So I'm up at 5 for 30 minutes at 9Rounds, then I get ready for work and pack clothes to run or use the elliptical on my lunch break, maybe add in some more abs or weights as well. It's helped a lot with my confidence and energy. 

I realized that I never regret my early morning workout but I always regret skipping it for extra sleep. I just operate best if Monday through Friday I'm up at the same time and with the same routine. This morning I woke up to my alarm groggy; I could tell I didn't sleep well my last couple hours. I got up and got dressed and went to feed the dog. I heard thunder and shrugged it off. When I walked into the kitchen it was thundering louder, there were faint flashes and it was pouring.

I paused and looked at the "clean" dishwasher light and remembered I had laundry to fold as the rain got worse. I thought to myself, "I can miss this morning, fold laundry and put away dishes, still work out on lunch, oh and watch the Big Little Lies finale with a fresh cup of coffee!" And that is exactly what I did.

What is fresh and new for me, what makes this all blog-worthy is that is I haven't been berating myself mentally over and over for missing the workout. I even had one of my closest friends give me "permission" for a rest day. I'm recently really sensitive about my rest days. I reserve them for the weekend because Saturdays are super busy and Sundays my gym is closed and I always hope to be more calm. Not hating or punishing myself for indulging in a little rest is new, but also really nice. I'm attributing this to some growth and healing.

I have a big weekend looming as I'm taking on two extra children for my household and I'm not going to pretend I'm not slightly stressed and anxious but I also am not being negative about it or dreading it. I'm fully capable and looking forward to getting them out and having fun with them all. It's also new that I'm saying yes to things that normally I would shy away from and setting more fun boundaries with other things. My inner dialogue has been more positive and succinct. I like it.

The stormy morning forced me to just stop and slow down. I have dreams for a porch re-do one day and I thought, one day I can hang on the porch with coffee and enjoy those showers. I appreciated the quiet while folding laundry, completely engulfed in my show just taking it all in. I rarely take time for much of anything anymore, let alone self care and something so simple was kind of a huge deal and I felt proud for allowing myself to do it all without any mental backlash.

Self love is rough. I had a day this week where I messaged a friend saying I felt fat and flabby and was struggling and I thought maybe it was just a bad outfit choice. I was honestly impressed with my clarity about all those feelings, and that instead of "complaining" about it, desperate for some weird validation or compliments, I kind of just owned it as an off feeling day and attempted to reach out for a little support. And the reach out was well received and kind, by the way.

Self appreciation is another new thing for me. I'm slowly appreciating where I am on the journey and that I'm trying, diligently to continue the forward momentum. Falling into a negative self-loathing place is easier than staying positive and learning self-love and appreciation, in my experience, at least as of recent times. This morning was an affirmation that I'm truly on a good path with it all. That is an easy feeling to embrace on a good day, maybe not so much on an off one though.

It's a process, all of it and I'm sure I will have bad days but for today I'm keeping the goodness close and pushing through. I'm even loving the rain!

I was excited to share about this, not just because it's pleasant progress, but I think we all get so caught up in the grind and the stress of life that we forget that slow mornings filled with a little calm can do wonders for the mind, body and soul. I love that I'm not internally pouting about anything right now and am embracing things instead. I think that's a good sign for the things to come and I feel good about it all!