I had to take a step back recently. I'd hit a weird workout plateau or wall even, and I also started reverting back to my comfort coping mechanism routines instead of getting into new ones. In the midst of all of this, I just paid a bit closer attention to some things and realized quite a bit.
When boot camp ended there were a handful of us moms that took it pretty hard. We had gone for years and years and we lost a staple in our lives. During all the bad times and hurdles in life, we had good ol', reliable boot camp, and it was no more. I decided to look at this in a positive way like, "Okay, I have been sick of those 5 specific workouts for years and I was feeling kinda lackluster anyway so, this could be a good time for a change." Others had far more opposition and weren't able to see anything positive about it.
When I started 9Rounds, I was so excited because I got a raise to be able to afford it AND I'd always loved kickboxing. I had been wanting to join a kickboxing gym for over a decade. Goal met! I had two moms in tow to start the 9Rounds journey, both of whom have since decided it's not for them. Their attendance was a good "get in and get going," for me at the start, but I have always been one to establish my own routines and work hard, with or without a buddy. And, in my experience, the longer you go to the gym solo, you end up making buddies in said gym anyway.
When I realized that 9Rounds was barely helping me sustain and I had gained a bit, I was upset at first and had my tantrum. But then, with that ever-so-important step back, I realized that over the past 6 years, all of my weight loss successes and long-term energy spurts have only happened with excessive workouts. It is the way my body is built now, and I accept that.
I started to look around for other gyms or programs to supplement with 9Rounds but the cost was just too much. So then I thought, "I bet my work complex has a fitness center, and I bet us employees have access, so I should just ask the building manager!" I did, and she said to go ahead and enjoy. Not only am I using my lunch break in a much better way, I'm no longer spending money on unnecessary things while wandering St. Pete, I'm not out in the sun and heat or unpredictable rain, and I usually have the place to myself, so it's like a quiet little haven.
I saw the difference immediately in energy levels and just my physical well being. Immediately I was sleeping better and eating better because of the new routine. As my mom friends explained why they weren't kickboxing with me anymore, I told them that I started running on my lunch breaks and that it's an adjustment after 5 years of the same routine. I don' begrudge them finding their own way or managing their own struggles.
My old trainer from boot camp and I stay in touch. The only reason I can't go to his new workout class is because it's at 6AM and I have to be in the car by 7:15AM, ready to go to work. He joked with me that I needed a new job and I giggled because, I have the best job I've had since I left nanny-ing, and this job is worth any other sacrifice!
So again, with a step back I looked and reminded myself, that I fought really, really hard to get HERE. I once told my best friend awhile ago that when I was 19 I had two goals: to be able to afford a fancy coffee every day (aka coffee shop coffee) and to be able to afford "the good" toilet paper. By the time I was 25 I realized that fancy coffee shop coffee is a much nicer treat from time to time, and I can make great coffee at home for cheaper too. And "the good" toilet paper isn't cheap, so generic works just as well for the job! At 34, fancy coffee shop coffee is a serious treat I allow myself once or twice a week as I'm super picky and immediately get pissed if it's not made right, and "the good" toilet paper is based on what's on sale and coupons.
Things CHANGE, you evolve, you learn, you grow. Sometimes we don't want the change. Sometimes we detest the change, but you have to find what works, and if it doesn't just find a way to accept it. Or maybe find a medium of, "Okay this isn't working as I'd expected, so what can I be doing to deal with what is at hand?"
For me, for my kickboxing and working out, I realized I needed to pay closer attention to my movements in 9Rounds and supplement any exercise I couldn't do properly, rather than half-assing something.
I realized that because it was a completely different brand of cardio than my body had become so used to, I needed to jog it out and do some additional weight training to balance everything out, and for me IT IS WORTH IT, because then I don't have to feel bad about enjoying food and life. I refuse to regret and damned doughnut unless it was actually like a bad doughnut.
This is part of the whole adulting process and everyone hits it at their own pace, but I'm there right now and when you see other friends flailing, sometimes it's hard not to step in and talk about all this, but when I had people come at me negatively it didn't "snap me" into growing, it probably just stunted me moreso, actually.
Sometimes all of this, sucks, I won't sugar coat it, but in my humble opinion, it's worth it. Finding what works can be daunting and exhausting, at times even leave you feeling hopeless. Accepting what doesn't work can be exactly the same if not worse, but all of this is a part of life.
Everyone will be different too, but I wish we could just be supportive of each other. I have one mom friend who is always apologizing for not coming to work out with me. I never shame her or guilt her, I just say, "If you need rest or you're not up for it, I'll be there tomorrow with you so take care of yourself." Making her feel bad won't make her come back!
I've been having a struggle with church attendance recently and there is one particular church-goer who likes to bring this up whenever I manage to get myself in there. Last time took the cake of the comment, "I hope you know I'm not really trying to give you a hard time we just miss you." While the thought is nice, telling me every single time you see me that you haven't seen me in forever and you wish we would be around more, starts to sound "scoldy" and kinda mean. It's like when someone asks you to help them and then they say, "but no pressure." You just put the pressure on by adding that! And what happens to me when these situations come up? It makes me not want to go to church, because I'd rather be out of sight, out of mind, and it makes me not want to help because if I don't help, I can't get pressured while helping.
What works for me is surrounding myself with the support of my tribe; people that get me (as much as they can). The more I force myself into uncomfortable situations for obligatory things, I realize, this doesn't work and I accept that part of me. There's a certain balance with going outside your comfort zone; parameters if you will. Establishing these is another process but can be helpful in your progress towards peace. For me, that's my ultimate goal, more peace and much less stress. A girl can dream, can't she?
No comments:
Post a Comment