The DVD Punishment - When Parenting Gets Funny

I play it pretty fast and loose when it comes to restricted technology stuff. And my daughter is getting nearer to age 7 and she is well aware of what the swear words are and that she is not allowed to use them. When she acts out, especially as the tantrums and fighting with parents comes into play, the first thing she loses is any kind of technology. It's the best form of punishment.

My husband and I quickly learned, that there are ways around this where the parents are also punished. On exhausted weeknights, when my kiddo loses her TV takeover and tablet privileges, the rule is, "You can't watch one of your shows. You have to watch what I want to watch." This is why I spent time in my room when I was little, because my dad would watch Law and Order and stuff I hated.

She usually tolerates my binge-shows, Friends, The Office, Seinfeld and Parks and Rec just fine. Anything else is debate-able. I found out recently that some of my daughter's little friends have been watching my current obsession, Stranger Things, with their kiddos. My daughter is a bit of a scaredy-cat if you will, so I decided that I would offer her the chance to watch it and promised her it was all very much not real and also a story from 30+ years ago, so it's all okay. She has since declined.

Now we have been forcing movies on her since she came out into the world and the bulk are completely appropriate. Some of them may have been a bit over her head but still language and story appropriate. Some things we realized were a little dark and sad so we curbed those but last night I realized that it was time to get her out of her element a bit.

The movies my husband and I grew up on, we have re-watched and realized are filled with swear words and sometimes too much sexuality before they changed the ratings. My dad notoriously let me watch movies I should have never been able to watch at the age I was allowed to watch them. So when I watched movies with my parents where people were clearly having sex they explained it away as "Oh they are just exercising." 

Many, many sexual innuendos went over my naive little head in my youth and I now re-watch these movies like, wait, what? The greatest thing about 80's films, in my opinion were the epic actors and comedians. Ghostbusters, The Goonies, Back to The Future, Blues Brothers, Roxanne, Big, Turner and Hootch, Princess Bride, The Neverending Story, Labyrinth, and so on and so forth were those comedies that kids could watch but had humor for the parents, however inappropriate. It was last night that I turned to our crazy collection of DVDs for my daughter's technology band punishment.

My husband and I have over 200 DVDs I think. Even when streaming came out we didn't stop collecting them because the internet doesn't always work and we are from the "have a hard copy" generation. We used to browse Wal-Mart at odd hours and hit the $5 DVD bins and go wild. We especially love adding holiday classics now and Disney films to the collection. 

My daughter threw an epic tantrum and the issue we've been struggling with is "I'm sorry doesn't just take away the bad behavior." I've had to make clear to her that, while it is important to say I'm sorry and while that's so wonderful to apologize, it doesn't mean you just get your privileges back. It's a weird line and she crosses it often. So there was screaming and when she calmed down and ate her dinner I said, "I have a bunch of chores to do out here and we can watch something, but I'm going to pick."

I was browsing around and thinking of something she wouldn't totally hate. Pirates of the Caribbean? Eh, maybe. The Mask? Eh, too weird. And then I stumbled upon the Tom Hanks section of our DVDs and there it was...SPLASH. Yes the movie about the mermaid in Manhattan, total score.

It started slow and she got a little bored. There were many benign swear words and all kinds of weird sexual undertones of course I had forgotten about. By the time the mermaid found television and got to go ice skating, she was fully engaged with the story. It was the best punishment ever.

I now think she is ready for the likes of Ghostbusters and especially, E.T. It was one of those weird punishments that actually brought us together. I watched Moana 8,000 times. When was the last time I stopped what I was doing and watched Splash? It made me think of all the other gems we have hidden on a shelf and we really need to make her watch. Indiana Jones, Star Wars, even Lord of The Rings at some point. But for now we will keep her in 80's classics as her punishment, and what a punishment it is.

Parenting gets weird. I try not to fit into too many "I'm that mom" categories but it's hard. I work full time, she is in camp or school or aftercare full time. Her dad works full time. Even Grandma works full time. There is laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, and food prep to do but sometimes you just gotta browse the DVDs and sit down and chill as a family. Even when my husband got home last night he was like, "Is this Splash!? We should watch Big next!"

Funny punishments make the whole parenting thing a little more palatable. Sometimes I'm too tired to be the scolding disciplinarian. Sometimes she's not being so bad, but just really needs to remember how to handle her little emotions and behave at home. Sometimes I've had a horrible day and I'm inadvertently short-fused. It's these moments where you need a tweak in the routine without throwing off the balance but selling her on a movie "mom picked," is almost as successful and selling her on fruit being a dessert. 

When parenting gets funny, it gets lighter. When things get lighter, they often feel better. I've started telling my daughter that if she just calls today a day, and goes to bed and reboots, we can all do better tomorrow. She seems to be warming to that idea and I'm digging the nights when the worst thing I have to do to "punish" her, is pick a new movie for us to watch.

10 Things I Hate About You Is Twenty Years Old... And I Can't Wait To Share It With My Daughter!

On March 31st, 1999 a new teen flick took the world by storm and is now a cult classic, and one I cannot wait to share with my daughter, "10 Things I Hate About You."

Not only was this the late, great Heath Ledger's first film burst as our new heart-throb, but Julia Stiles showed us that being a less popular female at school was in fact "cool" and you could still get the guy. Unlike cheesy hits like "She's All That," where the geek gets glam, 10 Things I Hate About You was much more philosophical in my humble opinion.

Loosely based on Shakespeare's, "The Taming of The Shrew," the lead character Kat, finds out young and early that popularity comes at a price and then rejects all things trendy to march to the beat of her own drum. Her sister Bianca, on the other hand is one of the coolest, a Gretchen Weiners-type if you're a Mean Girls fan, and attracts all the jocks. The one nerdy guy who has his eye on Bianca is that of Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who shortly after this film, started taking on roles in all genres and wowing us as more than just "the kid from 3rd Rock From The Sun."

My favorite part of this film is, unlike my other cult faves like Clueless, it's witty and very true, whilst staying romantic and easy to fall in love with. This movie showed me that the skinny, pretty girl can be sharp, hilarious, and intelligent without the need to impress people. The one-liners aside, it exemplifies some pretty epic GIRL POWER as well:

It shows the many worlds that young girls get stuck in between: girly and ditzy, versus smart and sassy. It also shows how, as women, we can all support and learn from each other through the drama and dichotomy:

For me, I wanted to be a little bit Bianca and a lot of Kat. Bianca seems completely superficial at first but we grow to see why she's like-able, where as Kat is abrasive but so smart you instantly admire her. Then you see the selfish jock versus the cute nerd followed by Health Ledger as the intelligent bad boy, antisocial "loser" that no one would call a loser to his face because he could kick your ass that girls warm to once you get past the rough exterior.

Years ago for Valentine's day my husband gave me a copy of this movie on DVD which remains un-opened because on the plastic he drew a list of 10 Things He "Loved" not "Hated" About Me, as homage to the end when Kat reads her poem that ended up being the fantasy speech of every 1999 teen girl with a crush, showing us all that there is a thin line between love and hate.

My daughter is only 6, but come about 11 or 12, we'll be watching this together. Why? This movie really is timeless. I mean look how far Shakespeare has come, let alone this quippy interpretation. I'll watch this with her because it shows all the levels of teenage struggle.

You have the overbearing dad, the out of the picture mom, you have the sister who is up to no good and will do anything to keep her reputation, the sister that could care less about social aspects of school and follows all the rules at home, the jock with a one track mind, the nerd with a heart of gold, and then bad boy gone good when he's treated decently by the girl he is made to view as a possible enemy. Throw in the weird betting business, some fun sidekicks, and emotional plot twists and this movie is just plain entertaining!

The movie is filled with constant quote-ables like when Kat warns Bianca of partying with the clique: 

And then Heath Ledger encourages the underdog to go for the girl:

 

Above all, I love how it takes every quintessential teen problem and shows you the pitfalls: Bianca learns that some guys just want sex and will cast you aside as soon as you don't give them what they want. Kat learns that even though she hates the popular kids, being included with them among peer pressure issues can still make you act just like one of them. She happens make an ass out of yourself, which somehow makes her more like-able and relate-able. Heath Ledger learns that reputations aren't everything and you shouldn't gamble with money or people's emotions, especially when you don't even really know the person being cast as the butt of the joke. Joseph Gordon Levitt learns that nice guys will often get the shit end of the stick, but if you persist and keep true to yourself, you just might get the girl. 

It all ends well, people end up where they should be and you even get to see a girl take a swing at a bad guy, stand up for herself, her sister and her man and win the day! GIRL POWER! 

Julia Stiles poem at the end is something I'll always remember because it was every teenager's glimpse at the mess of love and a gorgeous moment of coming out of being crushed that you opened yourself up to someone who hurt you:

She acted it out quite well. In a happy ending with great music there is also a quick exchange referencing buying back affections and forgiveness which now I realize was understated in it's time. It's a simple exchange that kind of reminds viewers that the apology should be as loud as the disrespect, but let's not get carried away on "buying" back your relationship. 

When I watch this with my little girl when she is much bigger, I intend to point out all of my musings in my 20 year obsession with this movie, but mostly emphasize that Kat is a strong, sassy, fierce, and highly intelligent woman who will do no harm and take no shit. We need more "Kats" in the world and if my daughter identifies with her the way I did, she'll keep this movie as a cult classic herself and keep the legacy going. 

Coming of age teen movies have their place and I intend to make she she gets the best and even some of the worst in her film education. My dad and my hubby even revere this movie as a great one and have watched it with me before. So thank you for 20 great years, 10 Things I Hate About You! I intend to play you for at least 20 more! 

Hal Versus Walter: You Cannot Possibly Appreciate Breaking Bad If You've Never Watched Malcolm In The Middle

Today we are going to introduce something a little different. As many of you have gathered, much of my childhood was spent as a "vidiot," a term my dad used to tease me with if I watched too much TV. There was no such thing as too much TV. I completely agree with all aspects of Jim Gaffigan's opinion on television, which you must YouTube immediately. 

I was raised to watch many different, wonderful series. The more sarcastic and witty, the more we watched. My dad and I laughed endlessly at shows like The Simpsons, Seinfeld, Friends, Mad About You, Frasier, That 70's Show and the extremely well-written, completely under-rated sitcom, Malcolm In The Middle.

Malcolm In The Middle is about a family of 4 boys in middle America, with one wunderkind in their midst, struggling to find their way in the working class. It stars Bryan Cranston, best known for his award winning performances on the now infamous AMC series, Breaking Bad.

Breaking Bad is about a high school Chemistry teacher that gets a cancer diagnosis and, genius that he is, underpaid and struggling as their family is, decides to start cooking meth to make enough money to pay for his treatment and set up his family for when he dies.

Malcolm in the Middle debuted in 2000 and ran through 2006. Breaking Bad started in 2008 running through 2013. Like all great series of the past decade, I am always late to the party. I wait for the hype to die down before I'm completely invested and am usually so involved that by the last season I'm caught up, engulfed and then immediately depressed it all ends so fast.

When Breaking Bad began, I had only known Cranston's work from Malcolm in the Middle and bit parts in movies like "Little Miss Sunshine." I always liked him, but had no idea about his talent and it's range until Breaking Bad took off. When I finally watched Breaking Bad I was just completely amazed by his portrayal of the iconic, Walter White.

With all of this said it is my belief as a writer, reviewer, television and film enthusiast and even a fan, that you cannot possibly nor truly appreciate Cranston's performance in Breaking Bad, without first watching Malcolm in the Middle. Why? Well, here we go:

Malcolm in the Middle was wonderfully written, with amazing cynical and sarcastic humor and witty remarks and retorts. What Malcolm achieves that most sitcoms lack was a complete relate-ability to normal, American working class woes and problems. As a Friends super-fan, the lifestyles of the characters were a dream world, there was nothing relate-able about maxing out credit cards at Bloomingdales for me, ever.

In Malcolm, the mother and father, Lois and Hal, own a boring, normal and crappy two bedroom house with four ill-mannered boys and they never pretend to be anything but a family doing what they have to to make ends meet. Hal is some kind of office executive type and Lois works at a local drug store. The boys attend public schoo,l even though Malcolm tests a genius levels, and they don't break the bank to give him every chance, they make him succeed where he is. The boys have jobs when they come of age and are always a part of home life routines and chores, much to audience enjoyment and laughter.

There are episodes that talk about super normal things like "Pizza night" being a luxury and fighting over the last piece of bacon. There are forgotten mom-birthdays and arguing about pets, fighting over who gets new and who gets hand-me-downs. They have mom and dad struggling to buy new appliances and repair their crappy cars. They have two queen beds in a room with 3 boys and another kid in Military School, for which they scrape by to pay for only to have him emancipate at 17, ditch out, join the working world and hate it. He comes back in later seasons to help the family during their ongoing struggles. Put all of this together with great acting, hilarious jokes and coming of age stories and it's a hit, although seriously not appreciated in it's time.

My six year old and I have been watching a lot of Malcolm, and although it slips in some swear words like "ass" and is rife with "shut up" and "stupid" being thrown around, we laugh at what those silly, bad boys do and how wonderfully the parents discipline and reprimand them when they continue to act badly. It also portrays real marriage problems, like the strain finances cause between husband and wife, and not making real time for each other, health concerns and being overwhelmed. Again, ultimate, relate-ability.

For six years I watched Bryan Cranston as this lovable, goof ball dad, Hal and that was how I knew him best. When I saw Breaking Bad, his ability to portray that dark character and develop him was of course, award-worthy and nothing short of epic.

When an actor displays that kind of range in terms of ability to evolve such a character as the great Heisenberg, it is riveting, in my humble opinion. The evolution of Walter White is binge-worthy, to say the least, but watching him morph from this character you love and feel for, this underdog you root for, to this very subtle but terrorizing force to be reckoned with over 5 seasons of Breaking Bad is just an emotional cinematic journey.

There will be no major spoilers for those of you that have never watched, but for those of us who started off with simple intrigues like the series Weeds and were invested in "good people gone bad" story lines, Breaking Bad took the cake. It blew everything else out of the water.

Not only did Breaking Bad pay homage to Malcolm in the Middle on some late night comedy show flashback thing that was all the rage upon it's finale, but it really shows that Cranston appreciated his journey on his own, even more than we appreciated watching it on TV. He has since gone on to be in many more fantastic films but for me, he will always be Hal before Walter and not the other way around.

If you have watched neither of these, Malcolm is now available on Hulu and Breaking Bad is still available on Netflix. I highly recommend watching Malcolm first but if you first knew Cranston on Breaking Bad, definitely visit him pre-Heisenberg. Anyway, if Bryan Cranston ever comes across this, I'm not so much fan-girling as just appreciating the artistic abilities and craft when it comes to the acting. Perhaps I will start writing more of these perspectives, however under-rated or unappreciated in our time.