Game Of Thrones Is Girl Power-tastic

If you have never watched any episode of Game of Thrones, this may be completely strange, but if you've read any of the books or are a crazy fan like myself, you'll follow along well. I can't promise there would be no spoilers in terms of references to the first 7 seasons, but I'll try and keep it general.

So, I got into Game of Thrones when it was 5 Seasons in and became obsessed quickly. The complicated plot lines, the character development, the fantasy mixed with medieval kinds of reality was just all so very welcome, not to mention the violence and gore, because sometimes that is artistic and necessary.

It launched it's 8th and Final Season last night and as I'm thinking of all these epic moments throughout the last decade of the show's production, I'm not sure you could coin the series as "feminist" per se, but perhaps at least some pretty amazing exhibitions of the ultimate girl power.

I could easily break it down by each female character I've loved, but I'll focus on the 5 main characters I hold dear that prove regularly that women kick ass. We have Queen Daenerys Targaryen, Brienne of Tarth, Sansa Stark, Cersei Lannister, and my personal favorite, Arya Stark.

Let's start with Daenerys, who has her whole family lineage to live up to and was sold into some version of slavery by her power-thirsty brother. Through the course of the show she is raped, chained and bound let by a horse, and constantly told what she cannot be in terms of standing alone, and she basically finds a way to say "I don't need a man, I make my own future." She has one brief experience of marriage and then returns to being solo, where she cultivates her bad-assness carefully. She stumbles along the way and makes some impulsive decisions but we love her as this "promised queen," figure.

We watch her punish those that talk shit or get in her way. Anyone that doesn't stand with her is more or less against her and they will learn to respect her or perish, inevitably. What I love about her is that she consistently carries herself with grace. You rarely see her break her composure, even when things aren't going very well.

Brienne of Tarth is just a tall, fierce woman. She got picked on by the boys for her size in her youth and then learned to fight with them, wield a sword and generally take names as a woman "Knight" if you will. She loves being a protector, as it is where she thrives. She pays almost no attention to men. Any attraction we get a whiff of is often sweet and subtle, also with no expectation from her. Her world doesn't revolve around men but she realizes they have to coexist.  I feel like Brienne looks closely after other women, which is serious girl power in my eyes. Rather than be catty and jealous she just wants to kick the ass of anyone who tries to hurt the people she cares about. 

Sansa Stark is quite the epitome of an evolution in character development. She was this young, pathetic "stupid girl," who's hopes and dreams seemed to get the best of her leaving her to find her way. While she had a woman of power in her midst to guide her, she struggled with finding her footing more often than not. She had seen the good and evil in men, and she was cautiously optimistic. Sansa was beaten and raped, sold into more "acceptable" forms of slavery like arranged marriages with psychopaths and lusting older men trading her around in power plays, but she commanded presence and asked for help when necessary, fighting to persevere.

Sansa is the one we've seen cry often and she's not afraid to ugly cry it out. Sansa is our emotional but strong goddess figure. She has been through some seriously traumatic shit and is consistently underestimated by the men around her, always having to prove herself but being silently smart and calculated, unafraid to take control and usually ends up helping to vastly improve a bad situation. Sansa also has never been afraid to properly show her cautious fear, but also show her determination to get herself out of a challenging issue. When she speaks eloquently with sass, I fall in love with her a bit more. Plus she's a redhead, so I instinctively flock to her.

Cersei Lannister is one bad bitch. She is completely evil, narcissistic, rash, and even cruel, but she has also been through some shit. She lost her mother at a young age, was sold into an arranged marriage with a man that detested her. She only believes in family and is a true testament to the entire realm of the power of a mother's love. She has been humiliated and tortured, but might be the most vicious killer of all the women on this list in the fact that she leaves far more unnecessary casualties. She is ruthless.

What I love about Cersei is that we are meant to hate her. She's not like-able yet, you admire her strength, resilience and fortitude. She's always undermining anyone in her way and taking any steps necessary to make sure nothing can get past her. She is very cut-throat and vengeful but leaves you in awe of her capacity to be so horrible and manipulative. She definitely has the "Queen" thing down and rules entirely with fear. She has only shed tears in frustration or worry, I'm not sure we've seen much sadness but rather cold hard grief. She, too, carries herself well and inevitably to be a bad bitch. She might be like the Oscar-winner of Resting Bitch Face.

Last but not least is my personal idol and all around ultimate bad ass, Arya Stark. From the little girl rejecting "lady of the house" and "Princess" cultural norms to someone who got herself across an ocean to train to take revenge on the people that hurt her family, you never dislike Arya, but boy do you learn you would never want to mess with her!

Arya grows up before our very eyes on this series. She is the epitome of a Tom boy and happens to find many random protector figures to aid her survival and let her grow, form her strength, inevitably to require no protection. She goes through some serious torture, but evades the rape and marriage stuff as she's still quite young, but also exhibits not a shred of concern or interest in men at all, other then learning to defeat them, should the opportunity come.

She has had a list of people to take down to avenge her family and she set her goals and followed them. Against all odds she has withstood some intense wounds and lessons, seen a world her sister never has and got some real life education in people-watching and just how messed up things can be. Arya has played the fates with some God-like figures, to which the other women seem to disregard, so I'm interested in how that plays out. Regardless, Arya is a force to be reckoned with, to say the least.

In the wake of the Me Too campaign and Time's Up things, I think a show like this, as fantastical as it may be, speaks worlds to what women as a gender have to put up with and suffer to get their shot at a position of power. This may sound a little contrived but I think the graphic nature of this show, pushing boundaries and making us see and imagine such evils, is just a testament to how strong we are as a gender, and that we're on our way up on the ladder.

These characters make me proud. The suffering of Sansa and Daenerys especially, I feel is a subversive homage to what we are expected to overcome and deal with as women. It may be medieval in nature on the show, but I think that millions of women can relate to the psychological and physical trauma withstood by these women on their way to their life, status and, in a way, career goals.  

I think that as a whole, Game of Thrones champions the power of women. Among the main females is also Melisandre who conjures the Lord of Light and Missandei, who knows like 40 languages and recovered from being enslaved and was given the chance to support another woman in power. Then we have, Yara, the Queen of the Iron Islands that sails her own fleet with the big boys, the women of House Tyrell, Marjorie and Olenna, who manipulated their way into power with their strengths, and lastly the Sand Snake sisters in Dorne who were trained in combat and held themselves well, especially in an attack. There are so many others too! I feel like the series is covered in all different manners, ideas, stereotypes, and iconic rolls of women. 

I won't speculate as to how I think it ends but I just want to say that I appreciate how diverse the show is, and especially in terms of giving women the chance to prevail and share their complex stories, interwoven through the plot lines. So thanks for the kick of Girl Power, Game of Thrones. I can't wait to see how you empower women the rest of this season!

A Day Without My Daughter...Too Weird

It's late afternoon Saturday and my kiddo is at Girl Scout Day Camp. I dropped her off at 10 with two friends and just being here, in my house, alone for most of the day is so weird.

I keep thinking I've forgotten her somewhere. It's almost too quiet. As moms we claim often we need a break, which we do from time to time, but this is just beyond strange. I guess we're officially in that stage where she is just insanely independent. 

I have't left her to her own device much but I feel like a lot of it is by default. Our lives aren't arranged to have her... not with me so to speak. My life revolves around all things kiddo, and I only have the one. 

She had a tough transition, there were definite tears. It was one of those moments where I saw myself in her. I remember being so anxious on trips away from my parents that I had to pop constant Tums for stomach cramps and missed my bed to the point of sleeplessness. I got picked on a lot because I loved the idea of sleep overs and hated every part of a sleep over, and the fact you don't actually sleep. It was never as good as home.

I see so much of myself in my daughter, and today was the perfect example. I'm not going to elongate this post, because hey, I only have a few more hours before I get to see her, but I will say that, I was a little surprised she was so emotional and even more surprised at how weird it is not having her around. 

Weekends are my time with her, so I think the change in routine is tough, but there are other adventures to be had. She chose to attend camp rather than horseback riding and spend the day a town away at camp.

Although I've definitely made the most of my time, I cannot wait to hear about her day and be reunited. I'm even a little anxious about the whole thing, but I feel good that we did independent things today.

Ironically I had this great conversation about "needing" certain people or not needing them in your life and I blanket said, immediately, "I need my kid." She is my world, but as a mom of a fierce redhead, I'm glad her world is her own today and she's  out there, after the tears for the goodbye, kicking butt!

So Happy Saturday readers. I'm off to make the most of my last couple hours. Thank you all for a great week and tomorrow we will be back to the routine, full stop!

I'd Rather Not Be The Bad Day Blogger

The other day my best friend across an ocean messaged me. He messaged me this long message about his truly horrible day filled with work and boss dispute, a small injury and a broken water heater meaning, cold showers until it could be fixed. Although I very much love Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad day, all I could think was, he "Roseanna-Danna'd" me. 

Not to date myself here, but I was raised with amazing comedic appreciation including that of early and original SNL. Gilda Radner was a comedic genius in comedy and I loved her character on Weekend Update "Roseanne, Rosanna Danna." She had one person complaining in a letter which I then found in a Hallmark card years later for a favorite Aunt, and when I heard my friend's annoyed plea all I could hear and picture was her:

Honestly when he messaged me, I smiled. Not because he had a bad day, but because I loved that he wasn't complaining at me, but rather that after all of that, he wanted to come share the day with me as if thinking, "Ali will make me feel better." I offered all the good vibes and apologies for a yuck day promising a better tomorrow.

This morning was my turn for the bad day. If I'm being honest it's been a rough run all around. It's been quite a roller coaster and many tests of my anxiety, depressive whims and my ability to push through and adult. I'm anything but easy going and these past few weeks have been quite a trial for me.

Today was the breaking point and I really wanted to write it up as an "F this Friday." But I took a lot of deep breaths and pushed through. It was one of those crappy financial situations which wasn't the end of the world but really sucked. One of those things that wasn't your fault really, but wasn't arguable. It was a waste of money and resources, not to mention time, all of which I detest! It was not a great start to my day.

I figured I had a few choices: I could reach out to my co-complainers, aka my friends that always support my annoyances with the fact that they, too, would be annoyed by said situation. I could cry in my car, always good for a day to be not okay. OR, I could therapize through it, meaning using the tools from therapy to get me to not hit melt down mode.

I posted some Pinterest motivational pictures in a collage, and boy I LOVE a good collage, on Instagram and had some of my favorite people reach out to me and remind me I'm loved through the muck, especially when I'm hating myself, and that it's just a bad day. And then I sorted it all out. I felt better.

It was after a major talk session and some light complaining that I realized, not only am I not alone in this kind of thing, meaning it happens to the best of us, but just two days before I had a message from a bestie that exhibited the same kind of day. And then I was reminded of the always amazing skit of "Roseanne Rosanna Danna." I've left it below for your entertainment, but to sum up, rather than be the Bad Day Blogger, I'm with "Roseanne Rosanna Danna," "It's always something," and if it's not one list, it's another but the best thing we can do with it all, is at least have a laugh.

Happy Friday!

10 Things I Hate About You Is Twenty Years Old... And I Can't Wait To Share It With My Daughter!

On March 31st, 1999 a new teen flick took the world by storm and is now a cult classic, and one I cannot wait to share with my daughter, "10 Things I Hate About You."

Not only was this the late, great Heath Ledger's first film burst as our new heart-throb, but Julia Stiles showed us that being a less popular female at school was in fact "cool" and you could still get the guy. Unlike cheesy hits like "She's All That," where the geek gets glam, 10 Things I Hate About You was much more philosophical in my humble opinion.

Loosely based on Shakespeare's, "The Taming of The Shrew," the lead character Kat, finds out young and early that popularity comes at a price and then rejects all things trendy to march to the beat of her own drum. Her sister Bianca, on the other hand is one of the coolest, a Gretchen Weiners-type if you're a Mean Girls fan, and attracts all the jocks. The one nerdy guy who has his eye on Bianca is that of Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who shortly after this film, started taking on roles in all genres and wowing us as more than just "the kid from 3rd Rock From The Sun."

My favorite part of this film is, unlike my other cult faves like Clueless, it's witty and very true, whilst staying romantic and easy to fall in love with. This movie showed me that the skinny, pretty girl can be sharp, hilarious, and intelligent without the need to impress people. The one-liners aside, it exemplifies some pretty epic GIRL POWER as well:

It shows the many worlds that young girls get stuck in between: girly and ditzy, versus smart and sassy. It also shows how, as women, we can all support and learn from each other through the drama and dichotomy:

For me, I wanted to be a little bit Bianca and a lot of Kat. Bianca seems completely superficial at first but we grow to see why she's like-able, where as Kat is abrasive but so smart you instantly admire her. Then you see the selfish jock versus the cute nerd followed by Health Ledger as the intelligent bad boy, antisocial "loser" that no one would call a loser to his face because he could kick your ass that girls warm to once you get past the rough exterior.

Years ago for Valentine's day my husband gave me a copy of this movie on DVD which remains un-opened because on the plastic he drew a list of 10 Things He "Loved" not "Hated" About Me, as homage to the end when Kat reads her poem that ended up being the fantasy speech of every 1999 teen girl with a crush, showing us all that there is a thin line between love and hate.

My daughter is only 6, but come about 11 or 12, we'll be watching this together. Why? This movie really is timeless. I mean look how far Shakespeare has come, let alone this quippy interpretation. I'll watch this with her because it shows all the levels of teenage struggle.

You have the overbearing dad, the out of the picture mom, you have the sister who is up to no good and will do anything to keep her reputation, the sister that could care less about social aspects of school and follows all the rules at home, the jock with a one track mind, the nerd with a heart of gold, and then bad boy gone good when he's treated decently by the girl he is made to view as a possible enemy. Throw in the weird betting business, some fun sidekicks, and emotional plot twists and this movie is just plain entertaining!

The movie is filled with constant quote-ables like when Kat warns Bianca of partying with the clique: 

And then Heath Ledger encourages the underdog to go for the girl:

 

Above all, I love how it takes every quintessential teen problem and shows you the pitfalls: Bianca learns that some guys just want sex and will cast you aside as soon as you don't give them what they want. Kat learns that even though she hates the popular kids, being included with them among peer pressure issues can still make you act just like one of them. She happens make an ass out of yourself, which somehow makes her more like-able and relate-able. Heath Ledger learns that reputations aren't everything and you shouldn't gamble with money or people's emotions, especially when you don't even really know the person being cast as the butt of the joke. Joseph Gordon Levitt learns that nice guys will often get the shit end of the stick, but if you persist and keep true to yourself, you just might get the girl. 

It all ends well, people end up where they should be and you even get to see a girl take a swing at a bad guy, stand up for herself, her sister and her man and win the day! GIRL POWER! 

Julia Stiles poem at the end is something I'll always remember because it was every teenager's glimpse at the mess of love and a gorgeous moment of coming out of being crushed that you opened yourself up to someone who hurt you:

She acted it out quite well. In a happy ending with great music there is also a quick exchange referencing buying back affections and forgiveness which now I realize was understated in it's time. It's a simple exchange that kind of reminds viewers that the apology should be as loud as the disrespect, but let's not get carried away on "buying" back your relationship. 

When I watch this with my little girl when she is much bigger, I intend to point out all of my musings in my 20 year obsession with this movie, but mostly emphasize that Kat is a strong, sassy, fierce, and highly intelligent woman who will do no harm and take no shit. We need more "Kats" in the world and if my daughter identifies with her the way I did, she'll keep this movie as a cult classic herself and keep the legacy going. 

Coming of age teen movies have their place and I intend to make she she gets the best and even some of the worst in her film education. My dad and my hubby even revere this movie as a great one and have watched it with me before. So thank you for 20 great years, 10 Things I Hate About You! I intend to play you for at least 20 more!