Pace, Place and Space; Wherever You Are

I had more friend interactions this weekend that left me with leftover food for thought if you will, and I think it's important to share the thoughts, no matter how they may be perceived.

To preface some metaphorical fun, I'm not a "runner." If anything, I jog. It might even be the "yog" that Ron Burgundy describes, honestly.

Whatever you want to call it, I often reference myself as a "turtle running in peanut butter." For the races I have done, I love that no matter how slow, I just keep a pace. I might not be out of breath or about to die but I'm going, and slowly but surely, I watch many of the "fit moms" slow, stop and walk, or just give up. All the while, I just keep my pace and finish.

After recent discussions and phases of life I just kind of realized, everyone's pace is so different. We all grow and move at entirely different speeds and paces. Guess what? There's nothing wrong with that at all. Especially concerning our children, where pace is everything. 

I took my daughter skating when she was 4. Worst idea ever. She ended up just plain pissed off that I could skate and she couldn't. She just wanted to skate on the carpeted section, not the "slippery" floor. She's been skating about 6 times in the past 2 years and only just this weekend did she skate with confidence, albeit with the little trainer thingy but still. She even fell and got right back up like a champ. I couldn't make her get to it sooner, it's all at her pace.

It came up in conversation that I may not have hit a certain place in my life "just yet," and then experiences where shared in wisdom. This morning I just thought, well, it's not going to be that way for everyone, it's just not. I've personally come into most places, spaces and paces much later than most of my friend group and age group. I've always attributed it to being a late bloomer, but now I just realize that they were all in difference places, spaces and going different paces.

It's all that gorgeous "comparison hangover" that my goddess idol, Kristen Bell, references in a podcast with her husband. We get so engulfed in what everyone else is doing, and no one has it down "right," or remotely "perfectly." 

It's ironic to me also that, as things are more even amidst the chaos in my life, I can be more in tune to the chaos of others. Some in my tribe are extremely like-minded and we seem to be introspectively fighting our inner battles together. Others are definitely walking in different places, spaces and at their own pace.

Personally I find more comfort in knowing my journey is different from others' rather than making it akin to someone else's, but 5 years ago I wanted to be just like a handful of others so I can't promise my uniqueness will stand through every phase change. I like knowing that I'm attempting to continue to grow. I like that I'm solo in some ways but have solidarity in others. 

Wherever you are, don't feel alone in your pace, place and space, but rather unique. It may sound lame and super cliche but for me that perspective is helpful. Life is insane. We are so busy and we see friends come and go like busboys in a restaurant;

sometimes it is overwhelming to try and "keep up." So my mission is to not do that as much. Don't keep up. Keep going, but at your own pace, in your own place and with your own space to go and grow as you need. 

Allergic To The Best Weather Of The Year

When I was younger the ideas of allergies was like, when you were allergic to flowers or peanut butter or bee stings and you would puff up, your throat would close up or you could like die. They never warn you that allergies just randomly show up in adulthood to better hinder you from regular functionality without drugs.

It happens the same two times every year for me: October and March. And it's always during the most beautiful weather. It's the weather where you want your windows open and fresh air everywhere, but you can't because you already are covered in boogers and phlegm from when you took a walk earlier.

We have gorgeous oak trees in Safety Harbor. We have a huge one in our front yard. It keeps our house nice and cool in the summer too. We are all ridiculously allergic to it, but it's still a fabulous tree.

My favorite events are in March, and end of October, early November and all are usually taken down a few pegs from my allergies rearing their ugly heads. Besides yelling at the concert, being less hydrated because beer was cheaper than water, and adding being tired on top of it has made my allergies all kinds of unhappy. Not to mention how much I've been outside.

I don't have to miss work; I can still function but boy does my head feel filled with phlegm. It's a gorgeous picture, you're welcome. It's sniffing, sneezing and blowing noses along with deep smoky voices and sinus pressure. It's quite a picnic.

I usually do Benadryl at night and Sudafed by day. This is the only time when I think drugs are my friends and they become a necessary ritual. 

So here I am, ready for my favorite 5K of the year, the Nolan's St. Patrick's Day 5K for St. Baldrick's foundation. It's a great crowd, you get a commemorative cup after and free beer if you want, I never do. You get a shirt and it's under $30. Plus I can walk to it. 

When I do a race I only have one goal: no stopping, so no giving up. I hear my trainer constantly saying, "A slow job is better than a fast walk." And I keep that every time I slow down a little because I'm not feeling so hot or things start to hurt, and I always love that accomplished feeling after I hit the finish line.

I'll be an outwardly horrible person by admitting that my favorite part of any race, is running past the "Fit moms." The "Fit moms" are the moms that look like they've never had a baby and don't even have rolls when they sit, and 9 times out of 10, they burn out first, answer a phone call or slow down to find a friend or a kid, and I jog past them at my steady pace.

I also always get a sick sense of pleasure from the fact that the 19 year-olds who are a foot taller and a good 50lbs less than I am in weight always end up walking at some point. That's right, this slow mom has the endurance!

Even with my allergy stuff kicking my butt I completed my 5K. The morning went nothing like I'd hoped but I did sneak an allergy nap so that's good. We got a little rain but for the next few weeks I'm just settled into the misery that is allergy season, before it starts to get gross and hot for another 7 months. 

Even as I took the dog on a walk with the weather overcast but temperate I was all stuffy and my head was killing me. So as I wind down another successful, but busy weekend, I feel really ready for an early bed time filled with Benadryl and hope for a less snotty week. 

I put in the effort to enjoy the weather at least, so there's that, no matter how allergic I may be. Happy Sunday readers!

Wrangling The Kiddos, Wild And Free

I have one mom friend that lives 5 minutes away and we often plan major adventures for the two 6 year old children and the one 3 year old, not to mention for ourselves. We do parks, beach, downtown festivals in the harbor and random in home play dates. We let our children be insane together to save our sanity as mothers.

With my dad in tow, yesterday we went down to the Safety Harbor Shabby Chic festival to keep our children from touching everything but to get ice cream type treats. We made two stops for sugar and then let the children run wild down at the marina. I think we ended up walking almost 2 miles with three children.

The entire walk consists of my friend and I yelling a mix of: "Don't touch that. Get that out of your mouth! Keep your pants on! Pull your pants up! Shirt down! No one wants to see that! No, we're not buying that. Leave that dog alone. Come on! Let's go! Watch where you are going! Keep walking!" We occasionally stop to laugh that we have to say such weird things and that our kids have almost no boundaries, especially when we are all together.

I looked at my dad at one point and said, "They're exhausting, right?" He said, "YES! Very much!" He admitted to me he's not sure he could parent today and he feels like things were simpler for my sisters and for me. Ironic because I'm not sure I could have parented back then!

With three kiddos out and about, my friend and I are always exhausted because it's a big, planned event of play, feeding them or snacking with them, and then breaking them free from each other which usually involves tantrums. They fight when they are together and complain when they are apart. It's funny and such a task all at once.

My daughter and my friend's son met in the park just before they were two and they very much have a love-hate relationship. When her daughter was born, Luna didn't quite get the point until she was old enough for her to boss her around. Now they are the three little amigos and do mostly well together.

They are more and more independent and need less hands on attention or interference but are exhausting still. Most of the things we plan also include and opportunity for the moms to kick back, enjoy and have fun also. We definitely try and do things to allow them to just run free and get covered in dirt and sweat. 

This is four years in of figuring them all out and I think us moms have realized our strengths and weaknesses with our own children and in turn, with each others. Three hours of crazy is well worth a chill evening in our humble opinions and we tend to do very well with maintaining each other's boundaries and balancing one another out.

I think my dad kind of just liked to watch it all happen. I mean who wouldn't? It's hilarious watching us chase and yell and repeat and repeat and repeat!

When it comes to days like those I always feel grateful when I finally hit the couch and stop moving. Luna usually retreats to some quiet Netflix time and maybe I do too. And then I sit and reflect on the fun. We have all had some epic trips.

We've done Disney, we've driven to new play places and nature parks and farms and zoos and aquariums. We've found new parks with new play structures. We've gone out for great lunches and had amazing treats to share. We play hard! And I love knowing that they will have these memories with each other of their epic childhood tales. 

Sure, there are tantrums and time outs and we yell and scream and cry. That goes for us moms too. But we support each other and help tackle this whole parenthood deal. It DOES take a village! And on a rainy day we can just go a mile down the road and trade who hosts the toy wreckage. It's awesome and what I wanted most for where we lived and for my daughter's childhood.

Wrangling the kiddos as they run wild and free can be daunting, annoying and exhausting, but it sure keeps things interesting. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I plan on using each story as blackmail for all three of these kids in their teenage years. Plus, we have a lot on video!

Working Out: It's In The Name That You "Work"

Luna has one neighborhood friend and they live a block away, which I love because there's no waiting for someone to get home to play drama. It just so happens I ran into my neighbor at the gym so we have that now too. Well, actually I had to cancel my membership so probably not but she said happily, "Now I know who I can work out with!" 

Uh, not so much. Yeah I'm an antisocial workout person in terms of, when I go to workout, I'm on a mission so I'm not there to chat. If you want to chat, I'll meet you at a coffee shop no problem, but I don't do the "workout and hangout." I can't multitask that way. I can't count my reps and have a discussion about anything else with you. 

When I was younger my mom had a few words to describe my physical appearance and the one that has always stuck with me is "round." I've always been at the top of my weight range for my height. I blame this on growing up in the land of ShooFly Pie, TastyKakes, Pen Supreme Iced Tea and all things Pennsylvania Dutch, but also, my mom was a junk foodie and I ate all the things at friends houses I could never have too.

When I was in like 7th grade I did my first and only season of Basketball. I slimmed down a bit. When I was in high school, I played tennis. This was after my mom and dad had split up so left under my dad's dietary rules, I got skinny. It was even unbeknownst to me that I became fit until I saw some homecoming pictures from one year to the next. I learned quickly that I can eat stuff, but I also have to work out a lot to burn it off. 

As soon as I spent one year with my mom I gained a bunch back because I was eating out all the time, I wasn't playing any sports and my friend worked at Baskin Robbins. That's when I really saw the difference. When I got shipped back to live with my Dad I got back into the gym. This is where the obsession began. I had taken a few spin classes here and there but I loved group fitness like step class, weight training and yoga. Anything where I could go and be told what to do and earn some yummy food later, I was in. But I never needed a friend to go with me; I was always most comfortable solo.

I found my first nanny job because of a YMCA kickboxing class. Little known fact, I was almost a step instructor in my early 20s but too many of my friends got me away from that being a feasible idea. By the time 21 hit and it was all about drinking your calories and hangover food I had gotten "round" again. During a really bad time for me mentally and personally as I entered into therapy, part of my depression and anxiety management was working out and maintaining routines.

I was already on a strict schedule when I got married and I'm happy to say, I was as skinny and healthy as I ever was for our wedding. I was able to maintain about a 10 pound range of that and worked out consistently from then on, until I became pregnant. Not only did movement the first 3 months just make me want to puke in general, but all I wanted to do was sleep. Then I ate all the things for my last two trimesters and gained way too much.

When my daughter was a year old I went back to it and found my faithful favorite, a local Boot Camp, which has since helped me lose about 40 pounds, on top of toning and strengthening. This was not easy. The first 6 months were brutal. Then my trainer challenged me to try something called The Savage Race. The first one nearly killed me and I couldn't even jog the whole thing. But then I challenged myself to two more, and the second of 3 was my most successful. To train for this I did 2 hours of boot camp, not just one, and ran a couple miles on off days. It worked.

I don't know if I'll ever quite be as skinny as the wedding days me, but now I'm at least in my pre-baby pants size range. Now knowing this, here is what you must understand, I work out with a group often, I'll enter a race with people but I'm running for me and me alone. I have my own goals and you don't have to keep up with me, nor I you because I'm in it for my own gain, not to socialize. I seriously don't know how people can run and talk. I need music or working out is pointless. And you can bet I have an epic workout playlist!

It's not that I can't go to the gym with people, but don't expect me to chit chat and socialize when I'm trying to kick my own ass. So when people ask me to run, my headphones are in and I'm in my own place. It's me, the music, the challenge. So I get a little socially awkward and put off when people want to be gym buddies and I seriously only offer to go to the gym with someone if they are wanting to commit to kicking some butt. And even then, I don't train "with them," I'm just there for moral support. Odds are I will be on the other side of the gym unless we take a spin or yoga class together.

I feel like working out is meant to be hard work, so why have anything in your way. We get in our own way enough so why have unnecessary exterior distractions. Maybe that's just my strange introverted extroverted ways but that's what works for me.

For me, working out is my most selfish and sacred "me time." It makes me feel better, sleep better and be a nicer human. I have no problem getting up at 4:45AM and going to work out if it makes my entire day easier. I never regret a workout I completed, just the ones I didn't. 

My boot camp buddies and I all keep tabs on each other. We check in and make sure we're missing class for life reasons instead of slacking. We invite each other to try other new things. We push each other. I always fell behind the group and was last across the finish line for Savage Race but my boot campers were always waiting, cheering me on. That's why I'm 5 years strong and would never quit going.

I've made a lot of friends through boot camp, whom I've run races with but not with, if that makes any sense. We see each other there and give hi-fives and maybe encourage each other with a little push but all do our own thing. I very much value the separate togetherness. Even when my husband used to hit the gym with me, he'd be weight training and I'd be in yoga. We all have our own workout routines that work for us.

So sure, I can take one for the team and go work out with some one from time to time, but mostly you'll see me fiercely focused, especially when on the treadmill lip-syncing "Girls" by Beyonce or "Woman" by Kesha. Yeah I tend to rock out when I workout and make sure no one gets the idea to talk to me when I'm in the zone! I'll be over here putting the "work" in "workout."