Homeowners stuff is so weird. Being a homeowner and adulting in that fashion, is still so weird to me. Some days are better than others. On the one hand you can paint and decorate and mess things up and not worry about losing a deposit. On another hand, you pay (sometimes in more ways than one,) for everything you mess up.
Water is a force to be reckoned with in most walks of life, but especially in a house. Pipes and stuff are serious business. I'm two types of people weirdly melded into one: I won't ever pretend to know more than I know, if it can get me into trouble, but I love a challenge and refuse to believe I can't find a way to figure something out or make things work. Sounds like a recipe for disaster right? I'm relatively careful.
Friday afternoon I get home in a storm, with groceries and kid, and I hear this faint noise from behind my fridge. The fridge is on, running properly and I think, "Huh? Have I never keyed into that sound before?" I go about my Friday evening routines and then come back to make tea and it's louder, it's almost like a weird hissing sound. I move the fridge and start digging around and there it was: a water leak from the ice maker line.
It was small but the more I started messing with it, the worse it got. I stood there calling my kiddo for help to get towels and just took a breath, "Okay, who do I call?!?" My husband was not my first call, nope not on a Friday during dinner service. I called my local friend who's husband was quite handy and had helped with weird things I'd never know in the past. She didn't answer. I knew there had to be a water shut off but how much do I mess with things? I called the front line of the restaurant and asked for my husband saying it was "Important." I'd never called that number before. Ever.
He told me to shut off the water under the sink. First knob, water still going, my daughter reported back. Second knob, my daughter said same thing, no result. It wasn't working and I was freaking out. My husband told me to go outside and hit the main water shut off. Yeah that wasn't happening. That thing needed a serious tool to get it to chill. Back to the under the sink situation.
As I was meddling down under there my husband zipped home and I was picturing me twisting too much and breaking it worse, having some newer, worse leak and I just kept poking around. I had found a 3rd knob. Turn, turn, and done. Off. Of course that's when hubby arrived. Crisis averted?
Behind my fridge was disgusting. Lots of old dog food crumbs, fallen magnets, a broken something and so much crud and I was appalled. It looked moldy. Mold is the devil. There was a small hole of separation from wall to floor and that's when the panic set in...what if that thing leaked all day and there is MOLD under there now and it just keeps growing mold because we live in Florida?
I took off any clothing that was essential because I have the worst luck ever with bleach. I always stain something and usually it's clothing that I actually like. So in my bra and underpants in my kitchen on a Friday evening I'm on my hands and knees on the tile floor scrubbing with bleach all the yuck. It is also fun to note that since pregnancy I have had a fantastic aversion to certain cleaning supply smells. It makes it fun, really, and bleach is the number one offender.
I gave up and kept all the water in the kitchen shut off knowing that Saturday afternoon I could tackle the project. I Googled things and looked on YouTube. It seemed pretty straight forward, nothing to scary. I went to Lowe's armed with knowledge.
We had a play date that ran awkwardly long. It was a whole weird thing where they ended up at our house even though we started at the park and things just snowballed. It was okay. We get along but I had stuff to do and the play date ran twice as long as I'd planned. When I stopped and began I got out the video tutorial to go with the kit I bought...uh OH, the video said the kit I got was not preferred.
I packed up the kid. Back to Lowe's. Every non-fun outing requires a lot of negotiation between my daughter and I. There are many agreements of doing a good job. She loves the hardware store but when you go there needing help and guidance and needing to use massive amounts of patience? She grows tired and fast.
I got round two of what I thought I need and with a back-up plan. I was ready to attack! I'm a practical person and I believe that most things can be done with an open mind, some specifically situational and learned tools, and some confidence. I realized how annoyingly strange it was all installed to begin with and became defeated pretty fast. I even tried to just rig it through Tuesday to work so that my husband could more expertly repair it on his day off, with no child under feet and asking for snacks as you are using the wrench.
It was when I got creative that I realized again, in all my over-buying for other options and in all my optimism and "Can-do" attitude that it didn't fit properly. We had to go back to Lowe's again. I was tired, but I wanted working kitchen water, so I had to finish. I had a great crying jag, balled up on my kitchen floor. My daughter came to console me. And we gathered up for the last trip.
Immediately at the returns desk, my daughter recognized the cashier as the one from our first return and said, "Excuse me we need to return all of this, because like none of it worked for my mom and we need kitchen water and she said it doesn't work." The cashier found her endearing and said, "Well I'm sure your mom knows!"
I had cried off my make-up and I'm sure had the look of determination, exhaustion and anger plastered on my naturally blemished face and the cashier that helped us twice said, "Oh, no, you're back," in a sweet way of saying she had hoped we'd fixed it last time. The one genius thing I did was grab an exact piece from the mis-matched size of the first part of the connector and took it with me. I marched right up to someone and said "THIS, I NEED THIS SIZE, AS A CAP OR STOPPER FOR WATER TO CLOSE A PIPE PLEASE."
When we got to the register with our friendly cashier that had helped us with multiple things earlier, my daughter said, "Yeah we had to come back because my mom had like a MAJOR meltdown in the kitchen." I laughed and said, "That's true. Mommy did have a meltdown."
I had given up on repairing the ice maker line. After 3 trips to Lowe's no one in my house needed ice ever again. Ever heard of ice cube trays? Had we become lazy millennial people? No thank you. I could have got the power drill and make the hole bigger but the problem was the connector sizes were different on the pipe side than the fridge side, which was why it was set up so badly to begin with. I then realized that in all my master plans of 2019 a dishwasher was my black Friday goal and the ice maker line goes right behind, so we should just do one big install in a few months.
I got the correct cap sizes, turned knobs back on and have been enjoying water ever since. I used the wrench properly and everything! I told my husband the ice maker news and he accepted it gracefully. I slept better knowing that I'd solved part of an issue and would live to tell the tale.
I don't feel like I bit off more than I could chew and I certainly didn't mess around with something I couldn't handle. I felt like I should have gone more with my intuition on a lot. My husband actually really supported my handling it myself and said, "You can totally do this, you're smart enough to find your way around everything." Even when he got called to come help he was patient and understanding that water leaks are no joke.
My lesson was a balance in what was all worth it really. It needed a safe fix of course, but when my sanity, my abilities and just how poorly it was set up to begin with came into play I had to make some educated decisions and maybe lose a luxury for a bit until we could have a more detailed repair later.
I felt accomplished and like I learned a lot, although slightly disappointed I couldn't write a post about my success of replacing the whole line. Perhaps that will be an end of year thing. Homeowners stuff is no joke though and I feel like there are some intense growing pains that go with it all, but I have to take it like I take everything else, one day at a time. Happy Monday!
Showing posts with label play dates. Show all posts
Showing posts with label play dates. Show all posts
Monday, July 15, 2019
Saturday, June 1, 2019
The Hard Truth About Weekends
The truth about weekends is...they are hard. I will never truly agree with my husband's accusation that I "overbook," but I can admit that we play hard and crash harder.
The truth is I'm currently fighting a migraine while my daughter washes off the horseback riding, pool time and play date. I'm ready for a bowl of popcorn and Netflix and early bed.
Tomorrow I can "sleep in," which now will be defined by getting up at 5AM taking my new medicine (that post is for next week) and going back to bed immediately. Tomorrow will be cleaning and readying for a 48 family fix of my husband's sister coming to visit. Tomorrow will be play dates and last grasps at peace.
So without messing around much, this is it for today. Thanks for putting up with me readers. More tomorrow for sure!
The truth is I'm currently fighting a migraine while my daughter washes off the horseback riding, pool time and play date. I'm ready for a bowl of popcorn and Netflix and early bed.
Tomorrow I can "sleep in," which now will be defined by getting up at 5AM taking my new medicine (that post is for next week) and going back to bed immediately. Tomorrow will be cleaning and readying for a 48 family fix of my husband's sister coming to visit. Tomorrow will be play dates and last grasps at peace.
So without messing around much, this is it for today. Thanks for putting up with me readers. More tomorrow for sure!
Sunday, April 7, 2019
Sunday Is Really Just Monday Eve
I've successfully been a heathen about a month now. I've taken a church hiatus; it happens every so often. Mostly out of exhaustion, but right now I'm just going through some stuff, and while some find solace within church walls, for me it adds to the confusion. So I've just been taking some space.
It can be hard to explain but my daughter and I are similar in our wavelengths when it comes to hitting our social-ness walls. We're so good at planned and routine activities, but every so often we need to just do our own version of way less, and kinda just "be."
I tried to be that mom that planned the play dates and activities this weekend but it was a good lesson for both my daughter and I that, things can turn on a dime. Time to adapt. She had a melt down earlier and it was warranted but I quickly tried for a "Plan B" of sorts and was able to get her back on track. She is now exhausted in front of Netflix.
It's recently been discovered that my comfort zone is just watching TV and that's how I relax. In this day and age if you aren't watching 14 series on all the streaming at once, you're out of the loop. It can feel just as overwhelming as the rest of life. I've found my ways to integrate all the things without compromising too much of myself but it's definitely a balancing act to say the least.
Sunday has really just become Monday Eve. For me it's all about "before the week kicks off," down time. I'm sure that is the way it was designed and laid out in the bible, but it's funny we seldom find it feasible. I even still have some basic cleaning things I "should do." Knowing me I will push it off until next week because I might end up feeling the weight of things to come.
Sunday in this house is usually the only opportunity we have to choose to "sleep in." For most parents, "sleeping in" is for teenagers and college students. There is always an animal or child that wakes you. For me, sleeping in is waking upon my own volition, meaning without an alarm. Sunday is the only chance I have of that. Every other day is scheduled and regimented. So planning to get up and go on Sunday can cause me a lot of stress, turns out my daughter revealed slightly the same sentiment and today we slept in.
Sunday around 4PM I turn into a pumpkin. It's a countdown to Pajamas. Dinner and bed time is always pretty early and if I can get the dog out for one more round before we all just collapse, I feel accomplished. There is also always laundry and likely a few more chores. But to me it's a count down and at the strike of 8PM all must be quiet on the home front.
Starting the week off right is huge for me. I feel like it can set the tone. With Sunday as just the day before Monday, it's so important for me to feel capable of starting the routine again. I've had to adapt a lot lately, and so has my daughter and sometimes I feel like I can see, like very visibly see, the wear and tear it has had on us.
Sometimes, okay often, I feel like a bad mom. When I finally got my home as just mine with my mother in a separate space and my very own first house, I stopped pretending we all had to do everything together. I have a TV in my room, and the living room one is shared among us all but is usually overrun by my daughter. I don't often watch hours of My Little Pony sitting there bored. Mostly I'm doing chores or working on things in my room with something I want to watch in the background.
I'm just one room away and I just refuse to sit there with her when she doesn't even care. We watch Disney movies together, and I've watched an episode or two of her favorite shows but I let her "binge-on" and enjoy. I feel it's no worse than kids playing hours of iPad and everyone is allowed time to veg out, especially right before the week starts.
On weekdays, she doesn't get any of her own shows. Sometimes we have TV on in the background but she doesn't get to watch any movies or shows of her own. We have set routines and I make sure we follow as much as we can. I'm fully aware that some day sports and such will derail any plan I could have, so I enjoy the calm while I can.
Mondays through Fridays are just so darn busy, and with Sunday and Monday eve it can feel like the calm before the storm. What is the phrase now? "Sunday scaries?" I think that's the scare before the impending week, perhaps but I'm not down with the cool kid lingo so I'm unsure. Sunday is when I feel the most likely to self care. Saturdays are often still packed and busy.
So here we are on Monday Eve. I had the most "Monday-est" Friday there ever was, a productive and fantastic Saturday and Sunday has been outdoor adventures leaving me to sit in my bed and type this while listening to the kids Netflix profile bark from the TV in the living room. I have laundry to fold, dinner to prepare, some spot cleaning to do, and I desperately would love to snag some more down time.
On this Monday Eve, I say this; self care on a Sunday is tantamount to some of us functioning well from week to week, so tread lightly with those of us that seem more "lazy" on these days. Everyone is on different wavelengths and if you find someone on a similar one to you, vibe with that well, as I've work diligently on with my daughter. Send those check in texts if the week took over and Saturday came and went. Sundays are the perfect time to reboot for the week ahead and it's easier to reach out before Monday sweeps you away.
Lastly, it's okay to not be okay, as one of my favorite people so gently reminded me this week. And taking space in your own way is also okay, just don't live there for too long, this world and your tribe needs you. So happy Monday Eve. May your last hours of the weekend be gentle, and prepare you well for another week!
It can be hard to explain but my daughter and I are similar in our wavelengths when it comes to hitting our social-ness walls. We're so good at planned and routine activities, but every so often we need to just do our own version of way less, and kinda just "be."
I tried to be that mom that planned the play dates and activities this weekend but it was a good lesson for both my daughter and I that, things can turn on a dime. Time to adapt. She had a melt down earlier and it was warranted but I quickly tried for a "Plan B" of sorts and was able to get her back on track. She is now exhausted in front of Netflix.
It's recently been discovered that my comfort zone is just watching TV and that's how I relax. In this day and age if you aren't watching 14 series on all the streaming at once, you're out of the loop. It can feel just as overwhelming as the rest of life. I've found my ways to integrate all the things without compromising too much of myself but it's definitely a balancing act to say the least.
Sunday has really just become Monday Eve. For me it's all about "before the week kicks off," down time. I'm sure that is the way it was designed and laid out in the bible, but it's funny we seldom find it feasible. I even still have some basic cleaning things I "should do." Knowing me I will push it off until next week because I might end up feeling the weight of things to come.
Sunday in this house is usually the only opportunity we have to choose to "sleep in." For most parents, "sleeping in" is for teenagers and college students. There is always an animal or child that wakes you. For me, sleeping in is waking upon my own volition, meaning without an alarm. Sunday is the only chance I have of that. Every other day is scheduled and regimented. So planning to get up and go on Sunday can cause me a lot of stress, turns out my daughter revealed slightly the same sentiment and today we slept in.
Sunday around 4PM I turn into a pumpkin. It's a countdown to Pajamas. Dinner and bed time is always pretty early and if I can get the dog out for one more round before we all just collapse, I feel accomplished. There is also always laundry and likely a few more chores. But to me it's a count down and at the strike of 8PM all must be quiet on the home front.
Starting the week off right is huge for me. I feel like it can set the tone. With Sunday as just the day before Monday, it's so important for me to feel capable of starting the routine again. I've had to adapt a lot lately, and so has my daughter and sometimes I feel like I can see, like very visibly see, the wear and tear it has had on us.
Sometimes, okay often, I feel like a bad mom. When I finally got my home as just mine with my mother in a separate space and my very own first house, I stopped pretending we all had to do everything together. I have a TV in my room, and the living room one is shared among us all but is usually overrun by my daughter. I don't often watch hours of My Little Pony sitting there bored. Mostly I'm doing chores or working on things in my room with something I want to watch in the background.
I'm just one room away and I just refuse to sit there with her when she doesn't even care. We watch Disney movies together, and I've watched an episode or two of her favorite shows but I let her "binge-on" and enjoy. I feel it's no worse than kids playing hours of iPad and everyone is allowed time to veg out, especially right before the week starts.
On weekdays, she doesn't get any of her own shows. Sometimes we have TV on in the background but she doesn't get to watch any movies or shows of her own. We have set routines and I make sure we follow as much as we can. I'm fully aware that some day sports and such will derail any plan I could have, so I enjoy the calm while I can.
Mondays through Fridays are just so darn busy, and with Sunday and Monday eve it can feel like the calm before the storm. What is the phrase now? "Sunday scaries?" I think that's the scare before the impending week, perhaps but I'm not down with the cool kid lingo so I'm unsure. Sunday is when I feel the most likely to self care. Saturdays are often still packed and busy.
So here we are on Monday Eve. I had the most "Monday-est" Friday there ever was, a productive and fantastic Saturday and Sunday has been outdoor adventures leaving me to sit in my bed and type this while listening to the kids Netflix profile bark from the TV in the living room. I have laundry to fold, dinner to prepare, some spot cleaning to do, and I desperately would love to snag some more down time.
On this Monday Eve, I say this; self care on a Sunday is tantamount to some of us functioning well from week to week, so tread lightly with those of us that seem more "lazy" on these days. Everyone is on different wavelengths and if you find someone on a similar one to you, vibe with that well, as I've work diligently on with my daughter. Send those check in texts if the week took over and Saturday came and went. Sundays are the perfect time to reboot for the week ahead and it's easier to reach out before Monday sweeps you away.
Lastly, it's okay to not be okay, as one of my favorite people so gently reminded me this week. And taking space in your own way is also okay, just don't live there for too long, this world and your tribe needs you. So happy Monday Eve. May your last hours of the weekend be gentle, and prepare you well for another week!
Friday, March 15, 2019
Of Lice And Zen
There are strange kinds of rites of passage anymore. There are loose teeth, first steps, first bike rides, with and without training wheels. There are skinned knees, maybe a trip or two to the ER with some stitches, some friendly teasing is par for the course, but one rite of passage for small children makes us all itch just thinking about it:
LICE.
I had a traumatic lice experience when I was about 13 that has scarred me for life mentally. My dad and I did a road trip across the country and I picked a hotel, a chain hotel that will remain nameless, and among a toilet with a nice turd in it to start, we left with a pen, a pad of paper and some complimentary lice. They stayed dormant on me for about 3 weeks all the way until we returned home.
I was that teenager that started "collecting" stuffed animals as if to hoard for future children. My talking Elmo had to have surgery to remove the talking parts so he could be cleaned. My dad and I were mortified; it was horrible. It was after my mom had left so he felt like a crap parent and I felt so gross and embarrassed.
It was about a month after the lice fun when I was younger that my dad took me to the salon to get a hair cut and style for the dance. They found lice and wouldn't finish my hair and I left crying. Around we went again.
Since my daughter started in school, lice is just part of the experience; it's like getting the flu or a cold, eventually it comes your way. Now I totally have serious issues and PTSD about it, so I use Tea Tree Oil as prevention a lot and have been pretty tenacious about things. I kind of always knew it could or would happen eventually.
The aftercare program my daughter attends has these outbreaks once a vacation I swear. There's one at summer, one at Christmas and now spring break. Usually we fair well but this time, BOOM, it hit both of her besties. I had been warned by the moms and stayed positive, but I accepted our fate that it could happen.
Yesterday I picked up my daughter. I was ready for early bed time and restful evening. She was in her car seat 2 minutes and she yelled, "OH MOM! I'm sooooo itchy!" I almost panicked but instead took a breath and asked, "Where?" I wanted to blame fire ant bites from the play ground or some mosquitoes but she said, "The bottom of my head and my ponytail!"
SHIT. Did you notice LICE and SHIT are both 4 letter words? Fun fact.
I remained calm and said, "Okay let's just get home and check." My daughter was an anxious wreck. Some of it looked like dirt flecks so I got out the flashlight. Ever so tiny, there they were. I Googled to be sure of course but it was them. Tiny, itchy devils! There were only about five that I spotted in one area. Off to Walgreens was the plan.
My daughter immediately crumbled, "OH mom WHY!? WHY DID I GET LICE! I'm so sorry, mom! EWWWWW! Who gave me their lice! Am I injured?" Completely out of character, I kept my cool. One issue at a time. Divide and conquer. I was in this with just her, it was just her and I, we could do it.
I called my mom who miraculously was available and asked her to come by so I could go get eradication supplies. She said, "She will want mom, I'll go to Walgreens and get whatever you need." This was huge and helpful.
Next, we tackled the sheets everywhere, and her 900 stuffed animals. Holy laundry, Batman! My daughter was still upset, distraught and just weeping. I kept calm and told her we could push through it all. She helped me with the stuffed animals and sheets and we readied her for the tub. I promise a cupcake for while she was sitting with the stuff on her head for 10 minutes. I read the directions after my mom dropped off the kit and completely coated my home in Tea Tree Oil. It smells like a hippie paradise.
My daughter has thick, curly hair. Hair brushing was already a task. This was going to suck. She did great with the stinky treatment and then the kitchen sink rinse off. The brushing, was rough. Once I started to see them appear in the hair, there weren't many but getting them out was such a pain in the ass. She was crying and screaming. I broke down 3 times just yelling at her and we both kept apologizing. I apologized for yelling and that she was going through it, and she apologized for screaming and that she had lice. Back and forth, tears and stress.
By the end of the hour combing and brushing she was so done. I was too. She barely ate dinner and both of us were exhausted. We got home at 6. We had started everything by 6:30, we weren't done with hair until 8:30 and we stopped the mania around 9. I still had my sheets to change and endless laundry.
I told her over and over she did so wonderfully. The scramble still wasn't over. All I thought about was the first process, that's it. I didn't even kind of think about anything else. When my husband called from work to check in, he said, "Well what about tomorrow, she can't go to aftercare and come back with them again? You just treated her."
SHIT.
Now what? It was 9PM and conventionally too late to bother people. First thing, I check with the babysitter, the babysitter that I already booked from 5:30PM to 11PM because I had a concert to go to with a friend. Let's ask her to come early. The husband worked at noon. I told him to fish for help. No one took the bait.
My daughter and I passed out hard. I barely moved until just before my alarm. When I woke up the anxiety of what to do with her kicked in. There was an annoyed mom part of me that wanted to tell daddy that since he missed all the lice fun, he could just go to work late while I went back to normalcy and he could deal. The considerate mother and crazy planner started to message those in my village that were amazing helpers.
Two close mom friend of mine stepped up big time and I could rest easy at work. One more lice hurdle handled and I'm mentally prepping for another treatment this weekend. Those things are not welcome in my home.
To my surprise my daughter and I pulled it together nicely. A year ago I would have been screaming, crying and making everything so much worse. But this time I just wanted to handle the issue, and make sure my daughter knew, not only was this completely not her fault, but it was just a crappy thing that happened and it was okay to be upset.
I grabbed her little face when I finally ceased the violent combing and said, "You did so good. You're tired. You did such a good job in a bad situation and I love you. Be tired, and just relax." I was finishing up chores and I heard her talking to the dog, as if to commiserate and say "Your sister is tired and not feeling well. Your sister had a bad day."
I went to bed and had a moment where I was disappointed that my husband wasn't around for the festivities, but then realized that I was so well adjusted to being the mother in action, that I'm not sure it would have made much difference aside from the fact he's the "better brusher." Today I called my dad and he asked how I was holding up because we both had instant flashbacks to our lice days and he wanted to check up on me. I was totally zen about the whole thing.
It's weird how these situations have ushered in more of my evolution and ability to stay calm in the chaos. I would compare it to this:
LICE.
I had a traumatic lice experience when I was about 13 that has scarred me for life mentally. My dad and I did a road trip across the country and I picked a hotel, a chain hotel that will remain nameless, and among a toilet with a nice turd in it to start, we left with a pen, a pad of paper and some complimentary lice. They stayed dormant on me for about 3 weeks all the way until we returned home.
I was that teenager that started "collecting" stuffed animals as if to hoard for future children. My talking Elmo had to have surgery to remove the talking parts so he could be cleaned. My dad and I were mortified; it was horrible. It was after my mom had left so he felt like a crap parent and I felt so gross and embarrassed.
It was about a month after the lice fun when I was younger that my dad took me to the salon to get a hair cut and style for the dance. They found lice and wouldn't finish my hair and I left crying. Around we went again.
Since my daughter started in school, lice is just part of the experience; it's like getting the flu or a cold, eventually it comes your way. Now I totally have serious issues and PTSD about it, so I use Tea Tree Oil as prevention a lot and have been pretty tenacious about things. I kind of always knew it could or would happen eventually.
The aftercare program my daughter attends has these outbreaks once a vacation I swear. There's one at summer, one at Christmas and now spring break. Usually we fair well but this time, BOOM, it hit both of her besties. I had been warned by the moms and stayed positive, but I accepted our fate that it could happen.
Yesterday I picked up my daughter. I was ready for early bed time and restful evening. She was in her car seat 2 minutes and she yelled, "OH MOM! I'm sooooo itchy!" I almost panicked but instead took a breath and asked, "Where?" I wanted to blame fire ant bites from the play ground or some mosquitoes but she said, "The bottom of my head and my ponytail!"
SHIT. Did you notice LICE and SHIT are both 4 letter words? Fun fact.
I remained calm and said, "Okay let's just get home and check." My daughter was an anxious wreck. Some of it looked like dirt flecks so I got out the flashlight. Ever so tiny, there they were. I Googled to be sure of course but it was them. Tiny, itchy devils! There were only about five that I spotted in one area. Off to Walgreens was the plan.
My daughter immediately crumbled, "OH mom WHY!? WHY DID I GET LICE! I'm so sorry, mom! EWWWWW! Who gave me their lice! Am I injured?" Completely out of character, I kept my cool. One issue at a time. Divide and conquer. I was in this with just her, it was just her and I, we could do it.
I called my mom who miraculously was available and asked her to come by so I could go get eradication supplies. She said, "She will want mom, I'll go to Walgreens and get whatever you need." This was huge and helpful.
Next, we tackled the sheets everywhere, and her 900 stuffed animals. Holy laundry, Batman! My daughter was still upset, distraught and just weeping. I kept calm and told her we could push through it all. She helped me with the stuffed animals and sheets and we readied her for the tub. I promise a cupcake for while she was sitting with the stuff on her head for 10 minutes. I read the directions after my mom dropped off the kit and completely coated my home in Tea Tree Oil. It smells like a hippie paradise.
My daughter has thick, curly hair. Hair brushing was already a task. This was going to suck. She did great with the stinky treatment and then the kitchen sink rinse off. The brushing, was rough. Once I started to see them appear in the hair, there weren't many but getting them out was such a pain in the ass. She was crying and screaming. I broke down 3 times just yelling at her and we both kept apologizing. I apologized for yelling and that she was going through it, and she apologized for screaming and that she had lice. Back and forth, tears and stress.
By the end of the hour combing and brushing she was so done. I was too. She barely ate dinner and both of us were exhausted. We got home at 6. We had started everything by 6:30, we weren't done with hair until 8:30 and we stopped the mania around 9. I still had my sheets to change and endless laundry.
I told her over and over she did so wonderfully. The scramble still wasn't over. All I thought about was the first process, that's it. I didn't even kind of think about anything else. When my husband called from work to check in, he said, "Well what about tomorrow, she can't go to aftercare and come back with them again? You just treated her."
SHIT.
Now what? It was 9PM and conventionally too late to bother people. First thing, I check with the babysitter, the babysitter that I already booked from 5:30PM to 11PM because I had a concert to go to with a friend. Let's ask her to come early. The husband worked at noon. I told him to fish for help. No one took the bait.
My daughter and I passed out hard. I barely moved until just before my alarm. When I woke up the anxiety of what to do with her kicked in. There was an annoyed mom part of me that wanted to tell daddy that since he missed all the lice fun, he could just go to work late while I went back to normalcy and he could deal. The considerate mother and crazy planner started to message those in my village that were amazing helpers.
Two close mom friend of mine stepped up big time and I could rest easy at work. One more lice hurdle handled and I'm mentally prepping for another treatment this weekend. Those things are not welcome in my home.
To my surprise my daughter and I pulled it together nicely. A year ago I would have been screaming, crying and making everything so much worse. But this time I just wanted to handle the issue, and make sure my daughter knew, not only was this completely not her fault, but it was just a crappy thing that happened and it was okay to be upset.
I grabbed her little face when I finally ceased the violent combing and said, "You did so good. You're tired. You did such a good job in a bad situation and I love you. Be tired, and just relax." I was finishing up chores and I heard her talking to the dog, as if to commiserate and say "Your sister is tired and not feeling well. Your sister had a bad day."
I went to bed and had a moment where I was disappointed that my husband wasn't around for the festivities, but then realized that I was so well adjusted to being the mother in action, that I'm not sure it would have made much difference aside from the fact he's the "better brusher." Today I called my dad and he asked how I was holding up because we both had instant flashbacks to our lice days and he wanted to check up on me. I was totally zen about the whole thing.
It's weird how these situations have ushered in more of my evolution and ability to stay calm in the chaos. I would compare it to this:
It now made me feel like the old me was Te Fiti, raging on, and now I'm all zen, and waiting to nap.
The fact that I am so calm is so weird to most because I've been walking anxiety for years, but if I can handle what I would consider one of my worst nightmares and keep my daughter mentally intact in the midst, maybe I'm progressing as I've intended.
Now it's Friday so I'm going to take my Zen to enjoy it and hopefully the lice understand they are undesirable #1. At least I got a great blog out of it all!
Saturday, March 9, 2019
It Ended Up Being A Baseboard Day
Every weekend I clean. A lot. For many hours. Sometimes just Saturday. Sometimes I span it over two days, depending on my energy level. But every weekend I clean, like it or not.
After horseback riding lessons we got home and I had a small lunch type situation and then started my mental checklist. A friend who recently moved away left us an obscene amount and strange array of leftover cleaning supplies. I had slowly been using them for random things around the house, as I usually do vinegar based things and have some weird aversion to the smell some cleaning products, bleach especially.
I found an all purpose cleaner and looked down and realized...it had been a good month since I did the baseboards. I saw one particular spot that was completely gross. And then it began...and it ended up being a baseboard day.
I can only speak for myself, but have to ask, does anyone else loathe doing baseboards? I have this weird wave of emotions and hilarious thoughts as soon as I start the task. It goes from, "I immediately regret this decision," to thoughts like, "oh my gosh, how gross are we living?"
I start and I'm like, "Hey this isn't that bad." But as I progress I'm like, "Ugh why did I even start this? Well I already started it so I have to finish now. How did dirt get there?" Before you know it, I'm internally having a full on conversation with myself, and therefore have entered crazy town.
I was cleaning the baseboards thinking of writing this blog and how, you have to get in all these weird uncomfortable positions to clean them, and reach all these weird angles. All of the sudden, then I wonder, why do we even have baseboards and why did I arrange the furniture to make this so difficult? Again, cleaning the baseboards becomes some weird internal philosophical conversation. It's so strange how my mind wanders when I'm doing cleaning tasks.
Cleaning the baseboards is gratifying and annoying all at the same time, and I totally wish it were less exhausting, but when I'm done I feel that amazing sense of accomplishment. So I'm bending and squatting and conforming and scrubbing, all to clean the dog hair and every day life of the spot that buffers the wall and the floor. All the while my daughter is scurrying around clearing her messes and getting ready for a play date.
I finally start to see the light at the end of the tunnel and then hit that mental wall about the rest of the things I need to clean. There's a huge part of me that gets a sense of pride knowing that I'm the one who does the bulk of the cleaning in my own home. My husband has recently been a huge, huge help and even the kiddo pitches in from time to time but mostly it's all me that keeps up with the chores and maintenance making the house a home.
Of course I dream about having a house cleaner and not having to spend my weekends cleaning, and if I ever had room in the budget I would spend it on freeing up my time in that way, but I also like knowing when I cleaned what and with what supplies. I think it's more of that control in the chaos thing that I live by. I love knowing there are certain things I have full control over, no matter what else is going on in my life. And cleaning arranging is one of those easy things to manage.
I always sleep better when I have a clean house. I can start my week successfully knowing that kicked butt at home ownership and did all my necessary chores. I also feel better mental health-wise knowing that I keep my house tidy and the filth minimal.
So today ended up being a baseboard day. And in some ways that was not at all what I had in mind. In other ways I'm glad I decided to get that done so it was one less thing for me to do tomorrow or next week. There will always be a to-do list. The husband will always have a "honey-do" list. There are times to kick back and ignore the chores and then there are baseboard days. Whatever your Saturday brings, I hope you get that sense of accomplishment too!
After horseback riding lessons we got home and I had a small lunch type situation and then started my mental checklist. A friend who recently moved away left us an obscene amount and strange array of leftover cleaning supplies. I had slowly been using them for random things around the house, as I usually do vinegar based things and have some weird aversion to the smell some cleaning products, bleach especially.
I found an all purpose cleaner and looked down and realized...it had been a good month since I did the baseboards. I saw one particular spot that was completely gross. And then it began...and it ended up being a baseboard day.
I can only speak for myself, but have to ask, does anyone else loathe doing baseboards? I have this weird wave of emotions and hilarious thoughts as soon as I start the task. It goes from, "I immediately regret this decision," to thoughts like, "oh my gosh, how gross are we living?"
I start and I'm like, "Hey this isn't that bad." But as I progress I'm like, "Ugh why did I even start this? Well I already started it so I have to finish now. How did dirt get there?" Before you know it, I'm internally having a full on conversation with myself, and therefore have entered crazy town.
I was cleaning the baseboards thinking of writing this blog and how, you have to get in all these weird uncomfortable positions to clean them, and reach all these weird angles. All of the sudden, then I wonder, why do we even have baseboards and why did I arrange the furniture to make this so difficult? Again, cleaning the baseboards becomes some weird internal philosophical conversation. It's so strange how my mind wanders when I'm doing cleaning tasks.
Cleaning the baseboards is gratifying and annoying all at the same time, and I totally wish it were less exhausting, but when I'm done I feel that amazing sense of accomplishment. So I'm bending and squatting and conforming and scrubbing, all to clean the dog hair and every day life of the spot that buffers the wall and the floor. All the while my daughter is scurrying around clearing her messes and getting ready for a play date.
I finally start to see the light at the end of the tunnel and then hit that mental wall about the rest of the things I need to clean. There's a huge part of me that gets a sense of pride knowing that I'm the one who does the bulk of the cleaning in my own home. My husband has recently been a huge, huge help and even the kiddo pitches in from time to time but mostly it's all me that keeps up with the chores and maintenance making the house a home.
Of course I dream about having a house cleaner and not having to spend my weekends cleaning, and if I ever had room in the budget I would spend it on freeing up my time in that way, but I also like knowing when I cleaned what and with what supplies. I think it's more of that control in the chaos thing that I live by. I love knowing there are certain things I have full control over, no matter what else is going on in my life. And cleaning arranging is one of those easy things to manage.
I always sleep better when I have a clean house. I can start my week successfully knowing that kicked butt at home ownership and did all my necessary chores. I also feel better mental health-wise knowing that I keep my house tidy and the filth minimal.
So today ended up being a baseboard day. And in some ways that was not at all what I had in mind. In other ways I'm glad I decided to get that done so it was one less thing for me to do tomorrow or next week. There will always be a to-do list. The husband will always have a "honey-do" list. There are times to kick back and ignore the chores and then there are baseboard days. Whatever your Saturday brings, I hope you get that sense of accomplishment too!
Sunday, March 3, 2019
Most Of Parenting Is Uncomfortable And Isn't Covered In A Single Book
You read all the books right? The parenting books? The parenting theories and ideas? Yeah, me neither. I don't buy them, pun intended. I don't buy them and I don't buy the idea that anyone actually knows "how" to parent. It's all improvisation. We all do what we can.
So I'm going to write about how I'm a bad mom or a confused mom I guess. And if anyone wants to reach out for advice on this one, I'm in.
We have a little girl that lives close by and used to come over often. She is two years older than Luna. I knew only a little bit about the family situation as, 1) it's none of my business, 2) I do everything in my power not to be a judgmental person and 3) again, none of my business. What I gathered is that she lived partly with mom, partly with Dad, Stepmom, and Grandmother, who lived closest to us and we conversed with from time to time. She was home often with just her grandmother.
Things were okay for awhile. Admittedly, I don't like most children that are not mine, I'm only partial to maybe like 7 or 8 kids that I see regularly, most others are not my favorite for one reason or another. But finally I started paying closer attention and I heard the little girl, a guest mind you, telling Luna she was smarter than her, she was bigger than her, she was better than her. Any food we offered was "disgusting and she's a picky eater anyway." Any toys we had, she had better ones, but didn't want to go home." She would cry and fight and scream immediately if she didn't get her way. She was even mean to the dog.
I kept telling myself that every kid is different, maybe she was going through something, and I just needed to be patient and kind. But finally I heard her telling my daughter she was "stupid" and my daughter was saying, "Hey if we don't get along, we can't play, let's try this. Okay, how about this?" This little girl constantly said, no, no, no, those ideas were dumb and I even heard some "shut ups" here and there.
The last straw was when I made lunch. I came from a household that was very much, "Eat what is put in front of you and be thankful someone prepared food for you, like it or not!" This kiddo was apparently quite the opposite. I made my daughter a turkey and cheese sandwich and asked her what she would like. She complained and started combing my fridge and pantry. "You can just make me mac and cheese I guess," she shrugged. I said, "Well no, that's the last box we have and I'm not making a separate meal for just you. We're having sandwiches. Would you like turkey and cheese? Salami and cheese? Peanut butter and jelly?" "Just cheese," she said. "Oh like a grilled cheese sandwich," I asked her to clarify. "No just slices of cheese." I sighed. "Okay." I plated two slices of mild cheddar on the plate and she ate half of one slice, said she was full and wanted dessert. Nope. Maybe at your house kid. She ended the lunch with "I mean that cheese was gross anyway."
It ended up being more "shut ups" and rudeness for the remainder of the play date and after she threw a tantrum and was sent home I talked to my daughter. I told her I'm not so sure we could have her over anymore. My daughter asked why and I told her that I didn't like the way she spoke to her and the way she made her feel after they were together.
I noticed that after their play dates my daughter would become rude and whiny. She would talk about being better than other kids and taller, smarter and bigger. I didn't like it. She would complain more and listen less, like looking up to this kid who kept making an example of what older and better looked like, was her only example.
This was about 6 months ago and honestly we've been so busy that having her over just became less and less possible, so it was dropped from being an issue. My daughter sees her at school though and says she's nicer now. She's been asking to play with her.
Here's my thing: it's not my place or my responsibility to parent this kid. I can't force her to act in the way that I want my child to act. I can't make her be kind, thoughtful and respectful. And I also have no idea what she's going through at home so me being the "mean mom" serves no one. But when another kid is just mean and malicious to my daughter? I lose my nice filter and I want to put the little shit bag in her place. Excuse the language but just thinking about the behavior ticks me off.
These are the things no one tells you about in the parenting books. My husband says I should talk to her parents to which I quickly snap, "You go to talk to her parents!" Because I'm a mature adult like that.
How do you have a conversation like that? "Hey your kid is kind of an asshole, sorry!" Plus, this is just my Mama bear opinion. Maybe they think Luna is an asshole! My kid might be a handful, but I'm a biased mother that assumes her child is perfect except when she's testing my boundaries. That's motherhood, right?
So I just let things fizzle. I mean how involved in their lives should I be? Where is the overstepping of boundaries. On the one hand maybe she has grown up a bit and they can play better together. On the other, do I put myself in a position to let her more or less bully my daughter again if that is what it comes to? So here comes more of the balancing act, another subject not even remotely covered in parenting books.
My newest idea is to reach out and invite her back over, but only let them play here under my strict supervision. Perhaps only when my husband and I are both home, so that we can better balance the situation. Besides, over with this kid's grandmother my daughter eats more junk in an hour than she does in a week. Yeah I was that kid too, but my mom never stepped in and did anything! I am not going to be THAT mom.
So here I am, letting Luna have a play date with one of my favorite children, not this other kid yet, while I'm writing this out and mulling it over, while I'm finding my balance and bearings with it all. They don't cover this in the books and they romanticize so much of parenting in all television and movies, or make it into satire so you can't actually say, "Yes I completely relate."
This is the part of parenting that I hate. It's uncomfortable to talk about, write about and to deal with. It makes you feel like a bad mom, and kind of a not so great person. It makes you question how horrible you are in actuality. Am I completely horrible or like a normal amount of horrible? Those are not fun questions.
Please send me a copy of the parenting book that helps you deal with asshole kids and their parents. Or perhaps this is my calling to write one, because it feels really unfair. We all parent differently and every single child is different and we are all a product of our environment. I barely even attribute myself as being a "good mom" so I certainly have no right to call out any other parents. I just do my best to protect my kid. I'm doing what I can.
I'm sure this will warrant another installment. I have no doubt in fact. But for now, I hope that some other parent reads this and can either send along advice, or thinks "Damn, I'm so glad I'm not the only one." One small step for me in motherhood, one giant step for me trying to be less horrible in general.
I shall write more as things progress. Happy Sunday!
So I'm going to write about how I'm a bad mom or a confused mom I guess. And if anyone wants to reach out for advice on this one, I'm in.
We have a little girl that lives close by and used to come over often. She is two years older than Luna. I knew only a little bit about the family situation as, 1) it's none of my business, 2) I do everything in my power not to be a judgmental person and 3) again, none of my business. What I gathered is that she lived partly with mom, partly with Dad, Stepmom, and Grandmother, who lived closest to us and we conversed with from time to time. She was home often with just her grandmother.
Things were okay for awhile. Admittedly, I don't like most children that are not mine, I'm only partial to maybe like 7 or 8 kids that I see regularly, most others are not my favorite for one reason or another. But finally I started paying closer attention and I heard the little girl, a guest mind you, telling Luna she was smarter than her, she was bigger than her, she was better than her. Any food we offered was "disgusting and she's a picky eater anyway." Any toys we had, she had better ones, but didn't want to go home." She would cry and fight and scream immediately if she didn't get her way. She was even mean to the dog.
I kept telling myself that every kid is different, maybe she was going through something, and I just needed to be patient and kind. But finally I heard her telling my daughter she was "stupid" and my daughter was saying, "Hey if we don't get along, we can't play, let's try this. Okay, how about this?" This little girl constantly said, no, no, no, those ideas were dumb and I even heard some "shut ups" here and there.
The last straw was when I made lunch. I came from a household that was very much, "Eat what is put in front of you and be thankful someone prepared food for you, like it or not!" This kiddo was apparently quite the opposite. I made my daughter a turkey and cheese sandwich and asked her what she would like. She complained and started combing my fridge and pantry. "You can just make me mac and cheese I guess," she shrugged. I said, "Well no, that's the last box we have and I'm not making a separate meal for just you. We're having sandwiches. Would you like turkey and cheese? Salami and cheese? Peanut butter and jelly?" "Just cheese," she said. "Oh like a grilled cheese sandwich," I asked her to clarify. "No just slices of cheese." I sighed. "Okay." I plated two slices of mild cheddar on the plate and she ate half of one slice, said she was full and wanted dessert. Nope. Maybe at your house kid. She ended the lunch with "I mean that cheese was gross anyway."
It ended up being more "shut ups" and rudeness for the remainder of the play date and after she threw a tantrum and was sent home I talked to my daughter. I told her I'm not so sure we could have her over anymore. My daughter asked why and I told her that I didn't like the way she spoke to her and the way she made her feel after they were together.
I noticed that after their play dates my daughter would become rude and whiny. She would talk about being better than other kids and taller, smarter and bigger. I didn't like it. She would complain more and listen less, like looking up to this kid who kept making an example of what older and better looked like, was her only example.
This was about 6 months ago and honestly we've been so busy that having her over just became less and less possible, so it was dropped from being an issue. My daughter sees her at school though and says she's nicer now. She's been asking to play with her.
Here's my thing: it's not my place or my responsibility to parent this kid. I can't force her to act in the way that I want my child to act. I can't make her be kind, thoughtful and respectful. And I also have no idea what she's going through at home so me being the "mean mom" serves no one. But when another kid is just mean and malicious to my daughter? I lose my nice filter and I want to put the little shit bag in her place. Excuse the language but just thinking about the behavior ticks me off.
These are the things no one tells you about in the parenting books. My husband says I should talk to her parents to which I quickly snap, "You go to talk to her parents!" Because I'm a mature adult like that.
How do you have a conversation like that? "Hey your kid is kind of an asshole, sorry!" Plus, this is just my Mama bear opinion. Maybe they think Luna is an asshole! My kid might be a handful, but I'm a biased mother that assumes her child is perfect except when she's testing my boundaries. That's motherhood, right?
So I just let things fizzle. I mean how involved in their lives should I be? Where is the overstepping of boundaries. On the one hand maybe she has grown up a bit and they can play better together. On the other, do I put myself in a position to let her more or less bully my daughter again if that is what it comes to? So here comes more of the balancing act, another subject not even remotely covered in parenting books.
My newest idea is to reach out and invite her back over, but only let them play here under my strict supervision. Perhaps only when my husband and I are both home, so that we can better balance the situation. Besides, over with this kid's grandmother my daughter eats more junk in an hour than she does in a week. Yeah I was that kid too, but my mom never stepped in and did anything! I am not going to be THAT mom.
So here I am, letting Luna have a play date with one of my favorite children, not this other kid yet, while I'm writing this out and mulling it over, while I'm finding my balance and bearings with it all. They don't cover this in the books and they romanticize so much of parenting in all television and movies, or make it into satire so you can't actually say, "Yes I completely relate."
This is the part of parenting that I hate. It's uncomfortable to talk about, write about and to deal with. It makes you feel like a bad mom, and kind of a not so great person. It makes you question how horrible you are in actuality. Am I completely horrible or like a normal amount of horrible? Those are not fun questions.
Please send me a copy of the parenting book that helps you deal with asshole kids and their parents. Or perhaps this is my calling to write one, because it feels really unfair. We all parent differently and every single child is different and we are all a product of our environment. I barely even attribute myself as being a "good mom" so I certainly have no right to call out any other parents. I just do my best to protect my kid. I'm doing what I can.
I'm sure this will warrant another installment. I have no doubt in fact. But for now, I hope that some other parent reads this and can either send along advice, or thinks "Damn, I'm so glad I'm not the only one." One small step for me in motherhood, one giant step for me trying to be less horrible in general.
I shall write more as things progress. Happy Sunday!
Saturday, March 2, 2019
My Little Pony, So I Guess This Is My Life Now
It's on in the living room right now. My daughter is legitimately obsessed with My Little Pony. My Little Pony has come a very long way since the 80's, I will say this, and we also made it this far into parenthood without the obsessions and crazes coming in full blast, so that's a win also.
She went through a bit of a Doc McStuffins phase, but this My Little Pony thing is a full blown love affair. As far as what is available and interesting to children her age, My Little Pony is pretty palatable. It's not too obnoxious or bratty and even the merchandising isn't as intensive as say, Disney-related things.
Now, I've made clear before that I don't judge the kid stuff. I literally bought into the Beanie Baby craze, I loved Polly Pocket, Littlest Pet Shop and of all fads, POGS. So I have no room to judge. I'm unsure if I will ever truly understand what a Shopkin is or what the point of Shopkins is but she's happy, I'm happy.
The Pony stuff, took over the 6th birthday in terms of theme, presents and every other aspect of her little realm. She watches it as often as we allow. We have Pony games on the tablet, she got Pony Chapter books and joke books, she has My Little Pony dolls, clothes, toothbrushes, crafts, stuffed animals, and music.
The world of My Little Pony is layered and extremely real for any fan. It's got different kinds of Ponies, like Alicorn, Unicorn, Earth-Pony. It has different lands and realms, character conflicts, plot lines, the works.
My husband actually turned me onto Patton Oswald's stand up about his daughter's obsession with My Little Pony and it is hilariously true how sucked in you can get as parents, whether you intend to or not. I definitely enjoy and appreciate the friendship themes.
The best thing is my daughter gets so excited about all the characters and what's happening, when and why. She loves telling us about every little phase, line and moment. She loves to share the world of Pony with anyone who will listen and she's extremely educated about it.
My life is now all Pony all the time. She's already vying for My Little Pony underwear. I foresee a My Little Pony Easter basket. I literally just heard her say "Rarity is just being a drama queen." It's too funny.
I consider my daughter's obsession with My Little Pony to be the same as my obsession with say, The Office or Parks and Rec. So I let her watch on. If My Little Pony is her safe little realm of fun, I'm so supportive of her having that.
So for now, I'll soak up every moment of her loving Ponyville, Equestria, Manehattan and so on and so forth. My favorite is Apple Jack, personally but my daughter is fond of Rainbow Dash. Yep, this is my life now. It's kind of awesome, right?
She went through a bit of a Doc McStuffins phase, but this My Little Pony thing is a full blown love affair. As far as what is available and interesting to children her age, My Little Pony is pretty palatable. It's not too obnoxious or bratty and even the merchandising isn't as intensive as say, Disney-related things.
Now, I've made clear before that I don't judge the kid stuff. I literally bought into the Beanie Baby craze, I loved Polly Pocket, Littlest Pet Shop and of all fads, POGS. So I have no room to judge. I'm unsure if I will ever truly understand what a Shopkin is or what the point of Shopkins is but she's happy, I'm happy.
The Pony stuff, took over the 6th birthday in terms of theme, presents and every other aspect of her little realm. She watches it as often as we allow. We have Pony games on the tablet, she got Pony Chapter books and joke books, she has My Little Pony dolls, clothes, toothbrushes, crafts, stuffed animals, and music.
The world of My Little Pony is layered and extremely real for any fan. It's got different kinds of Ponies, like Alicorn, Unicorn, Earth-Pony. It has different lands and realms, character conflicts, plot lines, the works.
My husband actually turned me onto Patton Oswald's stand up about his daughter's obsession with My Little Pony and it is hilariously true how sucked in you can get as parents, whether you intend to or not. I definitely enjoy and appreciate the friendship themes.
The best thing is my daughter gets so excited about all the characters and what's happening, when and why. She loves telling us about every little phase, line and moment. She loves to share the world of Pony with anyone who will listen and she's extremely educated about it.
My life is now all Pony all the time. She's already vying for My Little Pony underwear. I foresee a My Little Pony Easter basket. I literally just heard her say "Rarity is just being a drama queen." It's too funny.
I consider my daughter's obsession with My Little Pony to be the same as my obsession with say, The Office or Parks and Rec. So I let her watch on. If My Little Pony is her safe little realm of fun, I'm so supportive of her having that.
So for now, I'll soak up every moment of her loving Ponyville, Equestria, Manehattan and so on and so forth. My favorite is Apple Jack, personally but my daughter is fond of Rainbow Dash. Yep, this is my life now. It's kind of awesome, right?
Monday, February 11, 2019
Wrangling The Kiddos, Wild And Free
I have one mom friend that lives 5 minutes away and we often plan major adventures for the two 6 year old children and the one 3 year old, not to mention for ourselves. We do parks, beach, downtown festivals in the harbor and random in home play dates. We let our children be insane together to save our sanity as mothers.
With my dad in tow, yesterday we went down to the Safety Harbor Shabby Chic festival to keep our children from touching everything but to get ice cream type treats. We made two stops for sugar and then let the children run wild down at the marina. I think we ended up walking almost 2 miles with three children.
The entire walk consists of my friend and I yelling a mix of: "Don't touch that. Get that out of your mouth! Keep your pants on! Pull your pants up! Shirt down! No one wants to see that! No, we're not buying that. Leave that dog alone. Come on! Let's go! Watch where you are going! Keep walking!" We occasionally stop to laugh that we have to say such weird things and that our kids have almost no boundaries, especially when we are all together.
I looked at my dad at one point and said, "They're exhausting, right?" He said, "YES! Very much!" He admitted to me he's not sure he could parent today and he feels like things were simpler for my sisters and for me. Ironic because I'm not sure I could have parented back then!
With three kiddos out and about, my friend and I are always exhausted because it's a big, planned event of play, feeding them or snacking with them, and then breaking them free from each other which usually involves tantrums. They fight when they are together and complain when they are apart. It's funny and such a task all at once.
My daughter and my friend's son met in the park just before they were two and they very much have a love-hate relationship. When her daughter was born, Luna didn't quite get the point until she was old enough for her to boss her around. Now they are the three little amigos and do mostly well together.
They are more and more independent and need less hands on attention or interference but are exhausting still. Most of the things we plan also include and opportunity for the moms to kick back, enjoy and have fun also. We definitely try and do things to allow them to just run free and get covered in dirt and sweat.
This is four years in of figuring them all out and I think us moms have realized our strengths and weaknesses with our own children and in turn, with each others. Three hours of crazy is well worth a chill evening in our humble opinions and we tend to do very well with maintaining each other's boundaries and balancing one another out.
I think my dad kind of just liked to watch it all happen. I mean who wouldn't? It's hilarious watching us chase and yell and repeat and repeat and repeat!
When it comes to days like those I always feel grateful when I finally hit the couch and stop moving. Luna usually retreats to some quiet Netflix time and maybe I do too. And then I sit and reflect on the fun. We have all had some epic trips.
We've done Disney, we've driven to new play places and nature parks and farms and zoos and aquariums. We've found new parks with new play structures. We've gone out for great lunches and had amazing treats to share. We play hard! And I love knowing that they will have these memories with each other of their epic childhood tales.
Sure, there are tantrums and time outs and we yell and scream and cry. That goes for us moms too. But we support each other and help tackle this whole parenthood deal. It DOES take a village! And on a rainy day we can just go a mile down the road and trade who hosts the toy wreckage. It's awesome and what I wanted most for where we lived and for my daughter's childhood.
Wrangling the kiddos as they run wild and free can be daunting, annoying and exhausting, but it sure keeps things interesting. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I plan on using each story as blackmail for all three of these kids in their teenage years. Plus, we have a lot on video!
With my dad in tow, yesterday we went down to the Safety Harbor Shabby Chic festival to keep our children from touching everything but to get ice cream type treats. We made two stops for sugar and then let the children run wild down at the marina. I think we ended up walking almost 2 miles with three children.
The entire walk consists of my friend and I yelling a mix of: "Don't touch that. Get that out of your mouth! Keep your pants on! Pull your pants up! Shirt down! No one wants to see that! No, we're not buying that. Leave that dog alone. Come on! Let's go! Watch where you are going! Keep walking!" We occasionally stop to laugh that we have to say such weird things and that our kids have almost no boundaries, especially when we are all together.
I looked at my dad at one point and said, "They're exhausting, right?" He said, "YES! Very much!" He admitted to me he's not sure he could parent today and he feels like things were simpler for my sisters and for me. Ironic because I'm not sure I could have parented back then!
With three kiddos out and about, my friend and I are always exhausted because it's a big, planned event of play, feeding them or snacking with them, and then breaking them free from each other which usually involves tantrums. They fight when they are together and complain when they are apart. It's funny and such a task all at once.
My daughter and my friend's son met in the park just before they were two and they very much have a love-hate relationship. When her daughter was born, Luna didn't quite get the point until she was old enough for her to boss her around. Now they are the three little amigos and do mostly well together.
They are more and more independent and need less hands on attention or interference but are exhausting still. Most of the things we plan also include and opportunity for the moms to kick back, enjoy and have fun also. We definitely try and do things to allow them to just run free and get covered in dirt and sweat.
This is four years in of figuring them all out and I think us moms have realized our strengths and weaknesses with our own children and in turn, with each others. Three hours of crazy is well worth a chill evening in our humble opinions and we tend to do very well with maintaining each other's boundaries and balancing one another out.
I think my dad kind of just liked to watch it all happen. I mean who wouldn't? It's hilarious watching us chase and yell and repeat and repeat and repeat!
When it comes to days like those I always feel grateful when I finally hit the couch and stop moving. Luna usually retreats to some quiet Netflix time and maybe I do too. And then I sit and reflect on the fun. We have all had some epic trips.
We've done Disney, we've driven to new play places and nature parks and farms and zoos and aquariums. We've found new parks with new play structures. We've gone out for great lunches and had amazing treats to share. We play hard! And I love knowing that they will have these memories with each other of their epic childhood tales.
Sure, there are tantrums and time outs and we yell and scream and cry. That goes for us moms too. But we support each other and help tackle this whole parenthood deal. It DOES take a village! And on a rainy day we can just go a mile down the road and trade who hosts the toy wreckage. It's awesome and what I wanted most for where we lived and for my daughter's childhood.
Wrangling the kiddos as they run wild and free can be daunting, annoying and exhausting, but it sure keeps things interesting. I wouldn't trade it for anything and I plan on using each story as blackmail for all three of these kids in their teenage years. Plus, we have a lot on video!
Wednesday, January 16, 2019
Over-parenting, Undermining, Oh My!
Every day I'm worried I'm running out of things to write about and then I think about whatever happened the last 17 hours and I can come up with something. Here goes!
My mom helps me with Luna twice a week. As per previous posts, I don't have the very best relationship with my mom but we manage to get by. My mom and I agree on almost nothing when it comes to parenting and she is very much "Grandma." She dresses her granddaughter, buys her toys and all the things she would never need, and gives her candy and chocolate and junk food no matter what.
One thing she does, and it drives me completely insane, is she parents over me. Let me explain. My daughter interrupts and talks over us constantly. She's 5, and no matter how we spin it, everything is too important to wait. I always ask my daughter to follow directions. Over and over again I ask. "Finish your two tasks, we can talk about that later, one thing at a time." I will literally walk in the door in full parent mode and give my daughter instructions and my mom will give them over me. It sounds like this: Me: "Luna, please clean up the table, calm down and go brush your tee---My mom: "Luna clean this mess up and go brush your teeth!" It's maddening.
There have been rough periods where my husband does the same thing. It makes me shut down. I'm sure I have been guilty of this stuff too, no doubt, but it can feel defeating. When I was a nanny, you can bet I made sure I was the authority figure and I mirror that with parenting as much as possible. But, when I get steamrolled, I get cranky.
It's important for my daughter to know I'm in the mom. The head lady of the house. And when my mom undermines me, it makes me feel 6 again. So I try to overcome!
I also try not to parent other people's children, especially in the presence of the other parent. I try and make everything a dual agreement. Candy? Okay if he can't have it, you can't. Disagreement? How do we go with this? Because parenting is a team effort, even if you do it completely differently.
My husband and I have had some serious differences of opinions and I really had to learn to stand my ground on certain things that I wanted nothing to do with in terms of parenting methodology. With that said, I also don't judge how others parent...okay I try not to judge how others parent as much as possible. I admit I lose my mind when I see children under 7 with caffeinated sodas...I do. If you aren't parenting your child when that child is harming or hurting mine though, an entirely different beast can be awakened. This hasn't really happened to me. Most of the time, I've found myself around like-minded parents and if they see their little one hit mine, we get all of us into a huddle.
One of my closest mom friends, her son has always lashed out physically at my daughter. Never to the point of any real harm but in every case, my daughter has said something or done something to provoke him. That's when the two of us moms laugh and say, "Don't provoke if you don't want him to lash out in his way to communicate and don't expect her to be nice if you always hit her when she is sassy." It's a team effort when both of them are being ridiculous.
I've only ever had one instance with a "mean kid," where she was playing at our place and I was a room away and I overheard her saying all the reasons why she was better than my daughter. Then my daughter emerged to ask for lunch for them. I asked the guest what she wanted and she proceeded to pick through our pantry and fridge. I said, "Luna wants a turkey sandwich, would you like one too?" This young one then told me she was a picky eater. Turkey sandwiches were disgusting and she wasn't even hungry. She'd eat a slice of cheese.
As my daughter happily inhaled her sandwich and her guest picked at a slice of cheese I said to her, "Every house is different and in this one, we don't talk about how we are better than others, we talk about how we may be a different or enjoy different things. Like Luna loves to color and I like to paint, not necessarily that I'm better than Luna at painting. And when we are offered something to eat that we're not interested in, we say 'no, thank you,' or 'May I have something else?' We don't say something is disgusting just because it's not our favorite. We really use happy and kinder words with each other." The play date got awkward and then better. I regret nothing.
Dana Carvey has an epic stand up routine where he talks about parents now and how we've softened. He alluded to his childhood being filled with his parents yelling "Shut up," or "I'll give you something to cry about!," and now we find parents in the park saying, "Now Gregor, what did we agree to?" The whole bit is funny because it's painfully true. A part of me wanted to scream at this little girl to shut up and not speak to my daughter like that or she doesn't need to play over here anymore. But I had to channel the millennial mom that was calm and rational and very much not my first instinct.
But I truly don't want to undermine anyone's parenting. It's delicate. As someone coming off of 2 really rough years, I can tell you that if someone were to comment to me on my parenting or lack thereof, depending on the situation, I might have lost it, so I try to just be as objective as possible unless it becomes a safety concern for my child. Some situations are harder than others.
With my mom, I can't tell her not to parent over me. It's completely irritating and unnecessary but she would just get offended and pissy. So I just reroute the discussion or distract the kiddo and let her interject her piece. I don't like that undermining feeling because, as a woman, we get the shit end of the stick anyways, but motherhood gives us some ferocity and no nonsense force that we may have never had before.
I saw many moms as I was growing up that I would never mess with. I grew up opposite as my mom was the pushover, and my dad was not to be messed with, but to me, most other moms were scarier than my dad any day! Mom's don't mess around, and that was my general imagery for my stance in motherhood, thus I try to embody it.
Parenting is delicate, regardless, because there are so many different ways to do everything, but I think my general point to this post is, being undermined as a parent really sucks, so let's not do that to each other. Instead of parenting over one another, I'd ask that any of my mom friends just say, "Hey Luna's being a little crazy" or, "you might want to check in with Luna about how she's acting with..." Because I'd rather be "called out" on not seeing less than amazing behavior, than let Luna treat a friend poorly. Maybe that's just me but I really want to see less "shaming" kinds of things and way more learning experiences.
So if you see me acting a fool as a mom, or see my kid being out of line, I ask that rather than undermine, you find the time to bring me into the know and help me sort it all out as a fellow parent. It really does take a village so please don't leave me to be the village idiot!
My mom helps me with Luna twice a week. As per previous posts, I don't have the very best relationship with my mom but we manage to get by. My mom and I agree on almost nothing when it comes to parenting and she is very much "Grandma." She dresses her granddaughter, buys her toys and all the things she would never need, and gives her candy and chocolate and junk food no matter what.
One thing she does, and it drives me completely insane, is she parents over me. Let me explain. My daughter interrupts and talks over us constantly. She's 5, and no matter how we spin it, everything is too important to wait. I always ask my daughter to follow directions. Over and over again I ask. "Finish your two tasks, we can talk about that later, one thing at a time." I will literally walk in the door in full parent mode and give my daughter instructions and my mom will give them over me. It sounds like this: Me: "Luna, please clean up the table, calm down and go brush your tee---My mom: "Luna clean this mess up and go brush your teeth!" It's maddening.
There have been rough periods where my husband does the same thing. It makes me shut down. I'm sure I have been guilty of this stuff too, no doubt, but it can feel defeating. When I was a nanny, you can bet I made sure I was the authority figure and I mirror that with parenting as much as possible. But, when I get steamrolled, I get cranky.
It's important for my daughter to know I'm in the mom. The head lady of the house. And when my mom undermines me, it makes me feel 6 again. So I try to overcome!
I also try not to parent other people's children, especially in the presence of the other parent. I try and make everything a dual agreement. Candy? Okay if he can't have it, you can't. Disagreement? How do we go with this? Because parenting is a team effort, even if you do it completely differently.
My husband and I have had some serious differences of opinions and I really had to learn to stand my ground on certain things that I wanted nothing to do with in terms of parenting methodology. With that said, I also don't judge how others parent...okay I try not to judge how others parent as much as possible. I admit I lose my mind when I see children under 7 with caffeinated sodas...I do. If you aren't parenting your child when that child is harming or hurting mine though, an entirely different beast can be awakened. This hasn't really happened to me. Most of the time, I've found myself around like-minded parents and if they see their little one hit mine, we get all of us into a huddle.
One of my closest mom friends, her son has always lashed out physically at my daughter. Never to the point of any real harm but in every case, my daughter has said something or done something to provoke him. That's when the two of us moms laugh and say, "Don't provoke if you don't want him to lash out in his way to communicate and don't expect her to be nice if you always hit her when she is sassy." It's a team effort when both of them are being ridiculous.
I've only ever had one instance with a "mean kid," where she was playing at our place and I was a room away and I overheard her saying all the reasons why she was better than my daughter. Then my daughter emerged to ask for lunch for them. I asked the guest what she wanted and she proceeded to pick through our pantry and fridge. I said, "Luna wants a turkey sandwich, would you like one too?" This young one then told me she was a picky eater. Turkey sandwiches were disgusting and she wasn't even hungry. She'd eat a slice of cheese.
As my daughter happily inhaled her sandwich and her guest picked at a slice of cheese I said to her, "Every house is different and in this one, we don't talk about how we are better than others, we talk about how we may be a different or enjoy different things. Like Luna loves to color and I like to paint, not necessarily that I'm better than Luna at painting. And when we are offered something to eat that we're not interested in, we say 'no, thank you,' or 'May I have something else?' We don't say something is disgusting just because it's not our favorite. We really use happy and kinder words with each other." The play date got awkward and then better. I regret nothing.
Dana Carvey has an epic stand up routine where he talks about parents now and how we've softened. He alluded to his childhood being filled with his parents yelling "Shut up," or "I'll give you something to cry about!," and now we find parents in the park saying, "Now Gregor, what did we agree to?" The whole bit is funny because it's painfully true. A part of me wanted to scream at this little girl to shut up and not speak to my daughter like that or she doesn't need to play over here anymore. But I had to channel the millennial mom that was calm and rational and very much not my first instinct.
But I truly don't want to undermine anyone's parenting. It's delicate. As someone coming off of 2 really rough years, I can tell you that if someone were to comment to me on my parenting or lack thereof, depending on the situation, I might have lost it, so I try to just be as objective as possible unless it becomes a safety concern for my child. Some situations are harder than others.
With my mom, I can't tell her not to parent over me. It's completely irritating and unnecessary but she would just get offended and pissy. So I just reroute the discussion or distract the kiddo and let her interject her piece. I don't like that undermining feeling because, as a woman, we get the shit end of the stick anyways, but motherhood gives us some ferocity and no nonsense force that we may have never had before.
I saw many moms as I was growing up that I would never mess with. I grew up opposite as my mom was the pushover, and my dad was not to be messed with, but to me, most other moms were scarier than my dad any day! Mom's don't mess around, and that was my general imagery for my stance in motherhood, thus I try to embody it.
Parenting is delicate, regardless, because there are so many different ways to do everything, but I think my general point to this post is, being undermined as a parent really sucks, so let's not do that to each other. Instead of parenting over one another, I'd ask that any of my mom friends just say, "Hey Luna's being a little crazy" or, "you might want to check in with Luna about how she's acting with..." Because I'd rather be "called out" on not seeing less than amazing behavior, than let Luna treat a friend poorly. Maybe that's just me but I really want to see less "shaming" kinds of things and way more learning experiences.
So if you see me acting a fool as a mom, or see my kid being out of line, I ask that rather than undermine, you find the time to bring me into the know and help me sort it all out as a fellow parent. It really does take a village so please don't leave me to be the village idiot!
Sunday, January 13, 2019
Play Dates: A Mom's Best Friend
My daughter and a neighborhood friend are currently in a fort play-dating it up and this is amazing because I'm able to write, or watch a movie, fold laundry and breathe. Play dates, in my humble opinion, can be a mother's best friend.
Play dates with kids under one, are more for the mothers to just interact and we kind of just watch the little ones roll around and steal each other's toys. Once kids hit about 3, you relish the time when another little friend helps them expel some energy and entertains them. Now at almost-6, you just need a body in the house and less of the planned activities. They entertain each other effortlessly now.
You may have to referee a few fights or disagreements but other than that, it's a dream. Now, don't get me wrong, I interact with my little one all the time. We do crafts and go see movies and do all the things, but lately I've been so tired by the time I hit Sunday, I like to instill some chill time. For me, TV and movies have always been my comfortable zone out and relax mechanisms. Now, I've watched all the Disney movies about a thousand times, so I usually retreat to my bedroom and binge on Friends, the Office or Parks and Rec, and generally it's something that Luna can watch without picking up on any inappropriate jokes.
I'm always a room away and I make sure she has all snack needs met, but I like for her to have some independence. Plus, it lets her watch what she wants, like My Little Pony or Daniel Tiger. She tells me all of the details of the shows anyway, so it's like I'm watching them and she gets her own "me time."
When we have play dates, I make these technology free times. You have someone to interact with, you don't need a tablet or TV. Occasionally they indulge in a movie but mostly it's all about play. I like to set up painting time or chalk adventures or games but I definitely encourage them to use their imaginations and come up with things on their own.
As an only child I was fiercely independent and I've tried to raise Luna the same way. She can get along in the company of grown ups as well as she can with kids of all ages. And I'm super proud of her for being that way, because when she needs to take a few minutes away from being social, she can come sit by me and just be her wonderful self for a moment.
I have had circumstances where I've watched her have a rough time with kids who weren't so very nice to her and it's hard to not get overly "Mama Bear" on them. I kind of walk on egg shells when it comes to disciplining other kids when the other parent isn't present. Most of the time the play dates for the kids do include mom play dates for me, but there are times when they bounce between houses in the neighborhood and I'm the one overseeing the interaction.
I've heard the little ones not really meshing well and sometimes I think it's harder for me than it is for my daughter. She seems so resilient at times and I'm the one getting annoyed that someone isn't being nice to my little one. And I know kids have phases and disagreements and such but I hate when I see one being just generally mean.
I have stepped in and limited Luna's contact with the offenders from time to time, especially when I see them leaving her in a haze of negativity. But, mostly I let her navigate her friendships and play dates on her own. Because these are the times for her to figure things out more and more on her own, and with less and less of my help. This is the sad truth of growing up.
Most often, play dates make everything better. They give Luna the interaction and energy burn she needs, and gives me time to be productive or catch up with other moms and socialize myself. I tend to be a recluse at times and just want to be lazy and hole up at home. Play dates make me get us out there more! It's a win win!
I'm interested to see how these things evolve. I'm interested to see how things go when sleepovers, drop off parties and events happen. I'm always so attached to being around her and unless she's with my husband or a babysitter, I am the one that is there the most. Letting her be more independent is a test on me as well. We'll see if I make the grade in about another 20 years when she finds her first therapist. For now, play on little one. I have a laundry list of, well laundry and such to do!
Play dates with kids under one, are more for the mothers to just interact and we kind of just watch the little ones roll around and steal each other's toys. Once kids hit about 3, you relish the time when another little friend helps them expel some energy and entertains them. Now at almost-6, you just need a body in the house and less of the planned activities. They entertain each other effortlessly now.
You may have to referee a few fights or disagreements but other than that, it's a dream. Now, don't get me wrong, I interact with my little one all the time. We do crafts and go see movies and do all the things, but lately I've been so tired by the time I hit Sunday, I like to instill some chill time. For me, TV and movies have always been my comfortable zone out and relax mechanisms. Now, I've watched all the Disney movies about a thousand times, so I usually retreat to my bedroom and binge on Friends, the Office or Parks and Rec, and generally it's something that Luna can watch without picking up on any inappropriate jokes.
I'm always a room away and I make sure she has all snack needs met, but I like for her to have some independence. Plus, it lets her watch what she wants, like My Little Pony or Daniel Tiger. She tells me all of the details of the shows anyway, so it's like I'm watching them and she gets her own "me time."
When we have play dates, I make these technology free times. You have someone to interact with, you don't need a tablet or TV. Occasionally they indulge in a movie but mostly it's all about play. I like to set up painting time or chalk adventures or games but I definitely encourage them to use their imaginations and come up with things on their own.
As an only child I was fiercely independent and I've tried to raise Luna the same way. She can get along in the company of grown ups as well as she can with kids of all ages. And I'm super proud of her for being that way, because when she needs to take a few minutes away from being social, she can come sit by me and just be her wonderful self for a moment.
I have had circumstances where I've watched her have a rough time with kids who weren't so very nice to her and it's hard to not get overly "Mama Bear" on them. I kind of walk on egg shells when it comes to disciplining other kids when the other parent isn't present. Most of the time the play dates for the kids do include mom play dates for me, but there are times when they bounce between houses in the neighborhood and I'm the one overseeing the interaction.
I've heard the little ones not really meshing well and sometimes I think it's harder for me than it is for my daughter. She seems so resilient at times and I'm the one getting annoyed that someone isn't being nice to my little one. And I know kids have phases and disagreements and such but I hate when I see one being just generally mean.
I have stepped in and limited Luna's contact with the offenders from time to time, especially when I see them leaving her in a haze of negativity. But, mostly I let her navigate her friendships and play dates on her own. Because these are the times for her to figure things out more and more on her own, and with less and less of my help. This is the sad truth of growing up.
Most often, play dates make everything better. They give Luna the interaction and energy burn she needs, and gives me time to be productive or catch up with other moms and socialize myself. I tend to be a recluse at times and just want to be lazy and hole up at home. Play dates make me get us out there more! It's a win win!
I'm interested to see how these things evolve. I'm interested to see how things go when sleepovers, drop off parties and events happen. I'm always so attached to being around her and unless she's with my husband or a babysitter, I am the one that is there the most. Letting her be more independent is a test on me as well. We'll see if I make the grade in about another 20 years when she finds her first therapist. For now, play on little one. I have a laundry list of, well laundry and such to do!
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