Early Bedtimes For The Win

All households, children and parents are different but in mine, I encourage and work hard towards "early" bed times. I've had this discussion often because most parents I know don't necessarily have many rules about bed time. My definition of early is between 7:30PM and 8:30PM. Late would be anything after that.

Here's the thing, I'm up early always since I had a baby. Sleeping in is 7ish regularly and on some freak occurrence maybe even 8ish. My daughter does not sleep in. She seriously has to be up until 10PM or so with high levels of activity to make it to 7AM. Normally, she is up at 6:30 regularly or even 6 sometimes. 

I love to go to bed early too! I love being asleep no later than 9PM because I'm up at 5 to work out and then I get my 8 hours of rest. I'm very much that person that needs 8 hours of rest and I don't even feel badly about that. 

My kid can fall asleep in a good 10 minutes and early bed times leave room for her to have a better tomorrow. When we all stay up too late, the recovery the next day is rough because we don't sleep in and rarely have the opportunity to nap. I will always champion early bed time.

I think I have one other mom friend who is completely with me on this and it works well in her household also. We both notice pretty intense behavioral shifts when our kiddos aren't rested well enough. 

I don't judge anyone for letting their kids stay up, if you all have the energy to deal with that, power to you, but I guard our routines pretty closely. It took me a long time to realize how much sleep I just need to be a nicer person and the recovery the next day is often not worth the late stuff. There are exceptions, of course, but mostly I'm that "early to bed, early to rise," nerd.

My husband gives me a hard time because I literally attempt to sleep hoard at all times. I feel like if I collect enough sleep, you know like a squirrel collects acorns, I can make it through the sleepless times better. He always laughs, "I'm pretty sure that's not how it works."

I gave being up late and irresponsible the good college try a few years ago. Not for me, no thanks. 

Lately I've just embraced, or tried to, almost everything that comes along with all this aging stuff. It doesn't bother me. I need plenty of rest, lots of water and to make sure I get some good proteins. The rest is just taking it one day at a time.

The thing I love about the early bed time stuff, is it allows me to go to bed when I need to, instead of trying to get more things done while the kiddo is still up or having to stay up way past them. My daughter throws a fit about how it's unfair that I get to stay up when 90% of the time I'm right behind her for bed time. She then gets pissy when my lamp goes off and I give up and give in to sleep also. It's kind of hilarious. 

My husband used to get annoyed that I went to bed so early and wouldn't stay up late with him for no reason. In turn I got annoyed that he wouldn't go to bed early so we kind of had to find our happy medium. It's a fact guys don't need as much sleep as we do anyway. Throw in the mom factor and no contest, we need all the sleep!

That whole "You can sleep when you're dead thing?" I get it, but sleep is my favorite hobby and I make no apologies anymore. I am every cliche meme about sleep and I own it because between motherhood and the thyroid drama, I am a much much nicer, better, awake, alert and helpful person when you just let me get my rest. Ask my husband!

I admire the moms that stay up late and kick butt the next day. I admire the moms who can still be sweet and patient with their kids up until double digit night times. I admire anyone who is a night owl because I tried and failed at every kind of attempt. What works for your family is awesome, keep it up! I however, always encourage and advocate early bed time stuff because it has worked super well for our household.

Don't get me wrong, my husband lets bed time fly. It's like a fluid concept in his world, but he is only home for bed time two nights a week if even that so this mother hen makes sure the baby chick is in bed so when that rooster crows the next morning, everyone can function! Fourth of July will of course be an exception to the rule as most holidays are but boy is Christmas Eve the absolute most important bed time strictness rule ever. That kid gets up earlier and we have to stay up later with the elves to get it all taken care of. 

So hopefully everyone has restful times and routines and I love to hear about any and all! Happy Tuesday!

The Worrier Warrior

I can't really pinpoint the start of my anxiety. I remember at a young age being very afraid and very aware that I could get lost or separated from my parents in crowds. I've always been pretty outgoing and spent most of my childhood relatively naive and basking in adolescence. While I had a great vocabulary and imagination, I was a late bloomer for all of the girly-type things like bras and make-up.

I don't know if it's growing up in proximity to addiction that just makes me worry or it's been crafted over my 3 plus decades on this earth. I had a rude awakening when it came to my ideas of stability and normalcy at a formative age. I've only recently realized that all of those experience were in fact traumatic and am attempting to repair some of the damage, but I'm definitely a worrier.

I'm a worrier about weird things I guess. I worry about my kid wandering out of the house unattended, or the dog leaving the neighborhood and getting hit by a car or finding a new family. I worry about my husband just not coming home for 8,000 reasons I won't list. I lose sleep over high credit card balances, late fees, health insurance woes, and messing up at work to jeopardize my job.

I've had some rough experiences with dissolution of friendships and even second-family type stuff which, in some way makes me "hardened" towards things and in other ways makes me worry about when and how these people will fade and depart from my world. The fading part...that's what drives my anxiety to the roof.

I've started asserting more of what I need in any kind of relationship but one thing I've made a joke out of, but has become a truth is, I'd rather you tell me "Hey, we won't be speaking anymore, I kind of hate you now," than just wait for you to stop responding to texts, stop "liking" and following posts on social media, and dodging my existence in general. But we don't live in that world so I just worry about other scenarios around that stuff.

Maybe I am such an avid "checker-inner" because of that part of my anxiety, but it certainly can be an obstacle. Ironically, in terms of what I can handle with great composure, I've been referred to as a "Warrior." I feel like the only part of me that embodies that word is that I feel so beaten down and exhausted in my mental battle that I've become a Worrier Warrior, fighting for and somehow against my anxious whims.

Social Media can work for and against this in change, and it's kind of maddening. My best friend called me, slightly "stalkery" because I told him I always check who "likes" and follows on certain things as like a gauge for if someone is active on social media, hence alive, and as some weird barometer for my "like-ability" in their eyes. Sad and silly, but nonetheless true.

My husband gives me a hard time about my sleep habits and love affair with getting a full night's rest, but I think it's because sleep is the only thing that stops my wandering, frenzied mind. Sure, I dream, but most I rarely remember  enough to have them warrant anxiety. When I get sleep my brain isn't working overtime so it's wonderful. It's like a daily vacation from being me.

Mindfulness, meditation, and all of those anxiety helping exercises are incredibly difficult for me. They take so much focus and energy, which I usually feel depleted on as it is. It's also difficult to explain all of this at times, and often only other anxious people can understand some of the facets.

As a worrier warrior, I take pride in knowing that so much of this is more discuss-able and mainstream now; we no longer feel the intense pressure to keep it together, or maybe that's just me. I love finding Instagram posts, especially from celebrities, that own their bad days or panic attacks or meltdowns and that share their coping mechanisms. I love to see any mental health empowerment posts and encouragments because I think we all have our little "things" that come out when we are in some form of mental discomfort. 

I lose myself in books or series on TV, I work out a lot, I listen to music, and even went through a feverish coloring phase for my most worried periods. These are my coping mechanisms. Maybe some people hit the beach or take extra walks or listen to calming podcasts. Maybe others clean, organize or do a home project, or even cook or bake. I think we all have our outlet and it's okay to plug in and shine where we are comfy when we feel the world is a bit much.

You'll find a million Pinterest quotes about worry stealing your joy but most of us can't help it; it just happens. Sure, there are many ways we can control our worry or channel it properly and in a healthy way but as a worrier warrior, I'd like to admit there is no "cure." Now I have never tried any western medicine for anxiety so I cannot speak to that in any capacity, so I'm leaving that out of my personal equation. 

It's not all bad, because being an anxious, over-sensitive, over-thinker makes me a wonderful empath, and compassionate and thoughtful, but I won't say that it doesn't offer it's challenges for those close to me. For now, I can just fight the good fight, and some days are better than others in every way. Sometimes my only worry is getting to my daughter on time, other days I'm worried because it's been awhile since I've heard from someone but I'm too worried I'd bother them by checking in, and some days I'm worried that I worry too much!

Like most things in life, you just have to take it one day, and one moment at a time.

So, as a worrier warrior, I head into battle once again and I fight as much as I can through it all, which is pretty much all I can do! To those of you with anxiety and many worries, know that you're not alone and it's all okay and acceptable to wrestle with this stuff. If you have any questions, reach out because I'm always up for talking to anyone else with all these feels as well. Until tomorrow, readers!

Sometimes You Just Need A Nap

I saw this meme that I'm promptly posted that said "I feel like I'm tired already tomorrow." This is me. Always.

Now I thought this was just a part of me as a person. Sleep is my favorite hobby. Alison needs her sleep. I also figured I lost enough sleep during infancy and working nights that now I was just trying to hoard it. Now we know I have thyroid type issues. Or so they surmise thus far. I blame that.

Being resilient doesn't come without waves of exhaustion. My post yesterday was in an exhausted stupor, which some of my faithful readers probably picked up on. And this morning was more "go go go."

Look, I haven't practiced "The Art Of Doing Nothing," since I became a mother. That luxury is not one afforded. And my abilities or even inabilities to relax come in waves. Sometimes my body literally is like, "Bitch you're going to slow down, watch."

This week was a shoulder injury, lots of fun, so heating pad time is a daily routine. I'm still nursing it. And then staying up too late every single night finally caught up to me. Last night I thought I was super clever. I took an Excedrin PM and was asleep by 9:30PM! But then from 11:30PM to about 4AM I was awakened every hour or so by child, dog or husband until I finally ended up on the couch until my 6:30AM alarm to rally the troops for church.

I had an Excedrin hangover haze. Not fun. And then I was so cold in church I was physically uncomfortable, also thyroid related. I was super miserable. When we came home I walked the dog, and decided to "warm up and lay down" for a bit. Apparently I passed out for a little over an hour and woke to my husband assuring me that the kid was content and he was off to work. I guess I needed it.

I'm that person who sees naps as something I need to book in advance, like a massage. Rarely do I get to just "Have one," so sneaking one today was inadvertently amazing.

Of course I woke up in cleaning mode in order to "earn my relaxation" later. I have since done the tubs and wiped down all surfaces while my faithful RoboVac picks up all the floor yuck. My daughter has been crafting and creating and I slowed down to blog it out.

Sometimes you DO just need a nap. More often than not, we DESERVE a darn nap. We work hard, we play hard. We spend too much time doing what we "should" instead of doing what is "good" for us and that's something I am the worst at. Why watch 3 hours of television when you could paint that shelf you've been meaning to? Oh well because sometimes we need a bit of lazy!

I think we are so hard on ourselves and it's hard not to be hard on ourselves as redundant as it seems. It's work, workout, family dinner, bed time routine, repeat in some way, shape or form. I know plenty of people who operate on like 4 hours of sleep and somehow keep kicking ass at life. I, for one, cannot even be kind of nice without my 8. I can function but I'm a mean, mean redhead.

I'm learning that self care is anything BUT selfish, or should be. I'm learning that sometimes YOU JUST NEED A NAP. And there's no shame in that! You're human! We're all humans! I'm learning that boundaries, either with friends, spouses, co-workers, and within yourself are necessary some times and that this is all part of adulting, whether we like it or not.

So I'm going to enjoy the rest of my Sunday even if it's covered in cleaning and laundry. I will binge-watch and relax because tomorrow is back to the grind! Take a nap if you haven't yet! I fully support it!

Tired Is Just Part of Who I Am Now...#Mombie

Motherhood is exhausting, no way around it but there are many awesome memes about tired just being part of who we are in parenthood. There is no such thing as enough rest for a parent and we soldier on, regardless.

A couple years ago after our family's car accident I was headed to my first day back at work, bruised and battered, trying to pick up the pieces and someone said, "You look tired." I snapped back, "Yeah well being up twice a night giving my child with 2 casts on her legs her pain medicine and changing diapers again because she can't use the toilet is kind of exhausting so I'm always tired now." I believe an apology was issued for the remark but I didn't feel bad; I was tired after all.

I am always tired and I think that is just a part of my life now. Before becoming a mother, "tired" was always associated with nights out, hangovers and fun with friends or maybe a concert or double shift. Now it's because of sick kids, different sleeping patterns, snoring husbands or on the worst nights, sick pets. And mothers are always the caretakers. 

I have been legitimately ill twice in the past 6 years and when Luna was about 8 months old and I got the flu, my best friend had to bring me reserves and when my husband was home, the most rest I got was in between the fact that he would physically just hand me my daughter to pop on the boob. This past year I was taken down for 3 full days and missed 2 days of work due to some kind of plague. My husband had to take my daughter to school, my mom had to pick her up and feed and bathe her. I physically put her in bed but would barely snuggle her because I felt like death and didn't want her to get whatever I had.

When I re-emerged slightly for the better 72 hours later, it looked like I lived in a frat house covered in stickers and traces of toddler. My husband's clothes were strewn on couches. There were McDonald's boxes and wrappers on my piano and tables, there were cups left out and the dishwasher and sink were full. The laundry hadn't been touched, just piled onto. "How long was I in there?," I thought. 

In general, I run on coffee and work-outs. I no longer work out to look cute or fit into things. I have no one left to impress as an old mom and I never intend to "fit in." I work out for survival. It's a tool to cut down on my anxiety and depression, but mostly it keeps me sleeping well and energized for a bulk of the day. But generally speaking, I am just tired.

My dad always says, "You sound tired" or maybe "run down." I usually make fun of him by telling him he sounds "old." My energy is always expended maintaining our daily routines and while I like volunteering for church and being with friends and socially living among the general population, I also love any down time I can snag because it's so few and far between. I'm learning to say "no" from time to time. 

I literally ask for a nap for Christmas, my birthday, and mother's day and book these things up to a year in advance. I say sleep is my favorite hobby and my husband always retorts, "It's not really a hobby." Well, it is for me. 

I'm okay with looking and being tired because I'm lucky enough to be living life and watching my daughter grow. I was so bad at the, "You should sleep when the baby is sleeping" stuff because I just wanted to eat or pee in peace. Or clean without her attached to me. Now I am right behind her for bed time because getting up before her is oh so important for many reasons. Coffee tastes so much better...in silence.

I think in infancy we know what we are signing on for but my daughter is about to be 6 and she still visits us at least once a night. My cousin has a one year old and text me one day a few months ago asking "Luna sleeps through the night now, right?" I think I literally text back, "Hahahahahahaha." My daughter feels the need to tell me when she's up to pee, if she heard anything ever in her life at night, and if she had a bad dream, and according to her, she "always," has bad dreams.

I've never met a well rested parent. And this makes me so happy because misery and exhaustion love company! And Will Smith and DJ Jazzy Jeff were on point because "Parents just don't understand." I will never understand where or how they get their energy but they should really learn to share.

Regardless, I'm okay with being a #Mombie. I do as much as I can and am also learning when to say..."when." Sometimes I need that extra half an hour of sleep. Sometimes I need to do nothing on Sunday morning but re-watch Parks and Rec and drink endless coffee. Sometimes I need to be exhausted and power through but go to bed early. Tired is my state of being much like Mom will forever be my title. "Rest" assured that I would stay tired forever to never miss the adventure of motherhood though, I will tell you that. And for those of you greedy sleepers out there...you drink that in for me please. No, seriously, take a nap for me.