Checking In And Ghosting - Modern Technological Hurdles

Recently I had a good friend of mine thank me for checking in and checking up on her. I never have the resources to send Edible Arrangements, flowers, or just buy groceries and make casseroles but one thing I can do? Check in.

It's not always or even necessary to have a long conversation but more a way to say "Hey, I'm thinking about you and I'm a text away." In this busy and fast paced world, those little texts can get you through a whirlwind of negativity.

This is one hurdle I've managed to jump over a few times. I have a good friend I've had to discuss this delicately with and I gotta tell you those texts that say "Hey I've been really busy but I just wanted to say hi and wish you a good weekend," keep me smiling during the days when we're not able to catch up.

But I think we get so frustrating because of this whole new "ghosting" thing. To my understanding ghosting is when someone completely drops out of or disappears from contact with you, no explanation but possibly still exists actively on social media. Sometimes I miss the days where if someone didn't call you back, there weren't 8000 avenues to keep tabs on them and you could easily shrug off with a "They must be busy or out." Today our anxious, overthinking minds tend to assume the worst.

To me, the ghosting thing feels hurtful because, I'd rather you tell me in any way shape or form, "I'm not wanting to deal with you right now, but when I can find room for you, I will reach out." Always just say "Hey, I'm busy not ignoring you or not avoiding you." There are too many Pinterest memes to rile us up when we are feeling inferior or "not essential" to the business in friends, family and significant others' lives like "No response is still a response," and "If they want to talk to you, the will make time for you, not excuses," and so on and so forth.

For me, when I "fall off the grid," I don't see text messages because I was messing around on my phone doing something else and then forgot someone text me. Or I'm wanting to answer something and the kid or dog or husband interrupts and 10 hours later I realize I never responded. But I never mean to just stop all contact with people. No matter how small the "check in" is, I make an effort to do so.

I do this, because I would want the same from my friends. These are hard times people. With all the communication and technological advances, we still lose friends and grow apart. The people you used to text every day become an Instagram story or a Facebook update. The people you once planned entire weekend plans with are now posting adventures you could never go with them on, and are living their "best life" with you as a spectator.

Now I wrote recently about being called out as a hater on these types of things but I'll tell you what it is: I was hurt. Often we invest so much time and energy into these relationships of any kind, and when they fizzle, we feel that loss. And it's weird to be grieving someone still alive.

We live in a world where because we're "Facebook Friends" and "Instagram Followers" we "stay in touch." My husband always gives me a hard time about being "a texter." But I like to reach out with a text! You have no idea how many times I text people "Sorry I suck at communication but I love you! Hope you're well," or "Tell me how you are!"

I think I've been successfully ghosted once for about 9 months until the return of "the entity" and once I was "ghosted" or put off for about 2 weeks and then I confronted the issue and we made a peace treaty haha.

I often want to recoil from communication, social media and any kind of social gathering when I'm at my worst with life things. I have a pretty strong guard up when it comes to sharing because you never know how people will receive it and too often I've felt like I finally unloaded my dump truck of life and emotions to only feel that yucky "judgment" feeling from others, or be told how to "better" live my life. It's a hard line to walk.

I check in because I am there for my friends. My family life can often feel wobbly so I have heavily relied on my friends to be my compass. And I put everything into my friendships that I possibly can. And on that note, when you don't hear from me, it has nothing to do with lack of love or lack of desire to have you in my life. It's the opposite for me, if I'm quiet, I just don't know how to handle what's happening to me personally, am unsure how to tell you about it, and afraid that I can't support your friendship well enough, so I fear to let you down. Yes, that is my thought process!

I hope with all the technology, one day we get better with the way we communicate. There is so much heartbreak and anxious, depressive misery with text interpretation or unanswered questions and feelings. Perhaps that's why the "Good morning," "Good night," and "Have a good day," or "I'll be thinking of you," texts just make things so much better and nicer.

So check in this weekend, no not on Facebook, just with each other. Send a silly meme. Text a nice sentence of support. Check in and don't be a ghost. We can haunt people later. Enjoy the weekend readers and thanks again for your feedback!