The Commute

I put in a lot of effort to be less whiny and less of a complainer these days. Why? It serves no purpose. Plus, my six year old is all whine all the time so, you can see how it could get old, and fast.

Last summer my employer moved our office from Downtown Clearwater, land of Scientology, to Downtown St. Petersburg, land of Pride, and my drive went from about 11 miles at maybe 30 minutes to 23 miles each way at anywhere from 35 minutes to an hour, completely depending on traffic, daily. My WORST day was 2 hours there, almost 90 minutes of that stuck on a bridge and 90 minutes to get home. 

I love Downtown St. Pete so I wasn't about to complain but lately the commute has been taking it's toll. As a positive person, and someone fiercely working on her anxieties I remind myself daily, "You can't control the traffic, just how you deal with the traffic," and I listen to many a play list to get me through the mania. I also try to plan accordingly knowing full well, I could get home just before 6 or not until 6:30. 

Lately I've accepted some truths: when you spend two hours a day in your car, you really don't want to drive much in your "free time." This past weekend I did extra driving and yesterday I fell asleep 15 minutes after we got home from church because I needed to "lay down a minute." I couldn't handle all the car time. Sometimes you just need to stay close to home.

Living in Safety Harbor makes it super hard to leave it. We have amazing events. We have great parks and friends in walking distance. We have great restaurants and stores 5 minutes away. Why go further?

I will admit I miss weekend trips to Disney. Man, I miss and adventure involving characters and fun rides, but now I think we were meant to take time off from our passes because this Mommy is too tired to drive! Now, I have dear friends that practically drive for a living and sit in traffic to Orlando and Sarasota, St. Pete, Wesley Chapel and such. I have friends that have kiddos in sports that take them all over, but it's not an easy thing for me. It wipes me out sometimes, as ridiculous as that may seem.

I grew up road tripping and I can be in the car for 8 hours and think nothing of it, but traffic is different than road trips and mentally can be taxing. Or maybe that's just for me.

The commute makes me feel lucky that I can listen to my music as loud as I like. I can rock inappropriate songs my daughter could never listen to. Or rock some Disney without her yelling at me to "Stop singing mom!" I can listen to a random playlist without my husband saying, "What are we listening to?" Or when he talks over the song I wanted to hear all day that finally comes on on Spotify!

But the commute is also stressful as my PTSD from the car accident is still very real and pops up randomly. I'm probably a terrible driver now with weird ways my husband would never point out because he fears I'll have a panic attack alone in the car and hit a pole or something. So sometimes it makes me super uncomfortable and paranoid.

It's all more exercises in balance and finding some peace within the chaos. I constantly remind myself, plenty of people have it worse and some days are better than others. I recite all the mantras I need to be calm and just drive on. Okay sometimes I honk and swear and call people names, but that's just part of driving!

So for this Monday, I plan on putting the good vibes out that I can arrive places on time and feel more grateful than hateful on my commute. Besides, Scientology was a scary area to walk around and I'm much more comfortable with the gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, etc, that we celebrate and walk amongst down here. And the occasional homeless guys that say inappropriate compliments to me as referenced on my Instagram. Either way, I'm grateful and I just remembered I should update my playlist for the ride home...definitely.