Technological Kiddos

My daughter informed me last night in the bath tub that she will be asking for her own computer for Christmas. I JUST got MY own computer this year with my work bonus. Kids today. I'm telling you.

A few months ago she crawled into my bed, all up in arms about it being extremely unfair that her dad has a cell phone, that I have a cell phone and she doesn't get one. She is six and a half.

Technology is just a force to reckon with. She is learning now more than we learned from 4th grade on. We were playing Oregon Trail and always dying from dysentery.

 

I can't believe in my thirties I'm saying "Back in my day," on a regular basis. I thought you had to be retired to use that one!

My generation is one in a weird place. I dislike how much our children depend on technology and miss out on being outside and doing normal kid things, but I also get irritated when older generations don't even attempt to use technology.

We have one customer at my work who I have to read a report to every morning because he refuses to have a computer or smart phone. He then goes to the library and has a librarian print the report for him to review again later. It's a little ridiculous, but I'm as nice as I can be about it.

My dad still has a flip phone but does email well so I don't press on that one. My mom always wants a new Samsung phone but then doesn't use all of the things that a Samsung galaxy whatever is actually good for so I always have to talk her down to not spending money on things we won't actually use.

For my daughter, my husband did one of those "free tablet with new phone" things a few years ago when my phone straight broke, and we make it clear that if she destroys that tablet, there is no other tablet. She's pretty good about it. I also refuse to pay for all the games. It's not like it's a Nintendo.

She's super smart. She could figure out the PlayStation before my dad could at first try. She learns a lot on computers and fast. She has kid games she loves to play. I'm not that mom concerned with screen time. Sure, I don't want her constantly on screens but I'm not weird about how long she is on there because we now live in a time where if you don't get to do screen stuff, you're the odd one out and with rampant mental health issues in kids of all ages.

To me, their little psyches are what is worth the technology battles. When my daughter binges a show that makes her bratty or rude, that show goes away. If she plays a game and I find out there is unnecessary violence, I say no more game. For me, it is all about how she re-acts to all this technology. If she feels entitled to it, I stomp it fast. I am extremely open with her about appreciation, gratitude and knowing that she has privileges others do not.

There is a great deal I love about technology, and a great deal I'm not so into. The whole data-mining stuff can get obnoxious. You look up shoes and find 400 shoe ads in your Instagram feed. You text about tacos and find restaurant ads all over everything. I try not to take it too seriously.

As far as kiddos with technology, I loathe seeing children at a dinner table with a tablet while mom and dad eat. LOATHE IT. Now, I'm an eat in front of the TV mom. It was my dad and I'd bonding after my mom left, and my kid and I indulge both together and separately in this great American tradition, but when we go out to eat, we are talking and coloring and laughing and INTERACTING. If I'm paying to eat, the kid better actually eat.

We actually don't eat out often because of the whole technology wrestling match. It's quite unbearable, especially if you go out with other kids and their tablets. I let my daughter use my phone to text her dad, grandma or a favorite aunt but that's about it. I feel no need for her to "be on my phone," and don't have secret games on there to pacify her.

Mostly she uses the computer lab at school and camp and I like that because we do have an old desk top at home that she can also utilize. Alas, she still wants "her own" computer. I'm pretty sure I'll just give her her own login on my laptop and call it a day. Kids these days are something else and I can't even imagine what her children will contend with. Will they have their own phone at birth?

Technological discussions with other parents are delicate as well. We don't want to feel as though it's a slight against us that other people use technology differently than we see fit. There is always that one really "crunchy" "organic" parent that scares the shit out of you about kids developing horns and being a year behind in school because they played too much Minecraft or were allowed to watch Hulu.

I reinforce that every child, every household and every family is different so, what works for you is good for you and share with caution, because it can be a delicate conversation. I joked with my cousin's wife once about how she just needs to be okay with how much and what kind of "messing up her kid," they will do. We will all "mess up" our kids, you just have to be at peace with how you do it. My kid watches so much Netflix but also watches it all with subtitles so she can read and spell better than most. She's had a huge vocabulary since she started talking and now just doesn't stop. So I'm okay with a "vidiot," as my dad and I named it. I was a "vidiot" too and I'm not completely horrible.

Technology is kind of inevitable. You can reject it as much as you want but I for one look forward to paper-less billing and easily navigating random life things like arguing over whether or not that was that one actor or the other. Hello IMDB.com! It's all a blessing and a curse, I mean hell, I spend 9 hours a day on a computer or phone! That's a lot, but it is what it is and I doubt that will decline.

For now, I'm happy to keep my child away from having her own phone and will share my laptop. After all, she shares her tablet! 

Drivers Driving Me Crazy

I've made no attempt at hiding my PTSD from the accident and some moments are far worse than others, but these drivers down here in sunny Florida are driving me crazy. I was once told that most drivers expect a last minute merge and cutoff, so that's how you should just do it because it's already anticipated...um no. 

I'm overly cautious because I have a huge fear of the sideswipe. Blind spots freak me out and the speed with which people drive around is concerning in general. Since I've been driving to St. Pete daily for the work week, I've become even more sensitive but also more used to how crazy it can get.

I'm not going to sit here and pretend I don't look at my phone while I'm driving ever. Besides needing to be a Spotify DJ and moments at stops lights of boredom, I try very much not to mess with my phone in transit. What concerns me now, is how much cell phones are just a constant in every car and how now one seems to pay attention to what is around them, but rather has phone in hand, just driving along. I'm not exaggerating that it's almost every car and that you'll find it with me too.

Yesterday on my way home on the Bayside bridge I saw this white sedan feverishly tailgating in stop and go traffic. Swerving to get between and in front of everyone and noticeably pissing off drivers everywhere,  when I finally passed her she was texting on her phone. It was crazy, but I sighed to myself, "Of course!" She was already driving recklessly and so naturally, let's add the cell phone into the mix.

I can't speak for anyone else in terms of surviving a traumatic car accident, but I am just very sensitive to all aspects of the commute, along with traffic and driving woes. It is a bitter diatribe overall, but also just a question of safety. When my daughter is in the car with me I'm even more overly cautious, because it just freaks me out how crazy drivers can be these days.

I grew up in places made of small towns, country roads, and then mountain roads. This was before cell phones were really a commodity, let alone commonplace in a car. Oregon has distracted driving laws. My dad will pull over when I call, tell me he can't talk for another hour, then safely call me back at home. New York has something similar I think.

Don't get me wrong, Michael Scott said it best as Florida being a "Colorful, lawless swamp," but I've never seen so many accidents and had never really been in one, until we moved here.

Now, I learned how to drive in south Florida, off of I-95 near one of America's most notably "dangerous" stretches of highway. It was a lot like that iconic scene from Clueless where they end up on the freeway freaking out:

My husband never understood why I drove so defensively like, "kill or be killed" on the Oregon highways until we moved to Tampa and one day had the a-ha moment of "Oh, you had to outwit all these psycho drivers! I see now!"

It doesn't help that we have so many snow birds either. To their credit, we love what our part time residents do for the Florida economy and we appreciate it, but it's confusing and frustrating when the locals need to be places. These drivers are driving me crazy!

It seriously stresses me out and gives me anxiety to the point where I will go out of my way to go around certain trigger areas or areas that I just can't deal with. After driving in Oregon and then coming back to Florida, and I just so happen to actually know the majority of the pedestrian, driving and even cycling laws, I usually have the above Zoolander reaction regularly.

More often than not it is all maddening. I try to just breathe and take it down a notch but these drivers drive me crazy. I'm sure I drive people nuts too, but I seriously wish that before we enter the era where the cars just drive for us, we could all actually learn to drive safely. However, after all this I have come to the conclusion that Florida may be just playing it fast and loose with the definition of "safely."

Buckle up readers!

Less Is More, I Think I Get It Now

Staying on the topic of continuous lessons, growth and never-ending cliches, let's talk about that whole, "Less is more," thing.

Less is more can easily be applied to certain applications of make-up, in some cases, food and always, always, always, GLITTER.

Lately I have applied the "less is more," theory to text message conversations and tech interactions. Phones are everything these days. I have those horrible millennial moments where I get snotty as if life before smart phones was caveman-esque. When people ask for directions I scoff, "Just Google it!" When my husband complained about his data on his phone, "Gosh, just use WIFI! As if!" Yeah, I have those moments.

Some of these social media things can push you over the edge. Whomever invented the ability and application to see when a message was READ, needs to be sat down for a talk about how this is not a good thing. Let me tell you, the ellipsis bubble awaiting a response is the stuff of pure evil. I loved living in a fantasy world where when you don't get a response to a text message, it was because the recipient never saw it. How insulting is it to think they saw it and then chose not to respond?  I always want to believe they're busy or distracted as the lesser of evils. 

For me, less communication has been more productive this week. Checking in on people is great. Making and confirming plans with friends is wonderful. Asking your husband to grab groceries because you are out of things is essential. But this week I took a step back from my usual anxiety-driven texting mania and I must say, it feels frigging awesome. 

So I think less is more for social media and technologically based communications can definitely come in handy. Have you ever seen that people now have to "take breaks" from social media? I've done it often and people get into a weird panic as if I've been abducted. Which isn't to say that social media hasn't been incredibly helpful in cases attached to things like that - let me make that clear, I was just being sassy.

It's as if your activity online is some kind of sign of life anymore. So you may be actually dead if you don't update your Facebook status often enough, is that what it is? It's kind of unnerving when you think about it.

With this expansion of information and communication, I personally feel we've actually weakened our abilities to properly communicate, not enhanced them. Think of this, back in the day a phone conversation could last for hours talking about nothing or everything and plans were made, and set and followed through. Now, because we can reach anyone, anywhere, in seconds, we can "blow off" plans in a moment's notice. It's not always nice, or fair or convenient. It's not always our fault, LIFE HAPPENS, but I think instant access to communicate has let us become naturally more social anxious, and flaky, or at least it has in my personal realm. Somehow because you can get a-hold of everyone now, you can change anything and everything last minute, it's a double-edged sword.

Some people can do it all and prove that these technologies and communications are way more pro than con. However, some people, like "Anxious Alison" over here, get really wobbly in the new age world. For directions, I could not live without GPS. For music, Spotify is life. For pictures and videos, it's so perfect to have a little device right there. For social interaction, though, I'm a hot mess.

Some days I have handle on all of it and some days I'm on Pinterest and Instagram and bouncing to and from, waiting for this, waiting for that, then I look at Facebook and 30 minutes have gone by! Here comes that balance idea again, and I'm finding my way through it.

I think my husband will forever coin me as "a texter," and don't get me wrong, I will respond within 5 minutes most times. But I do wonder how much things would change if we let go of the devices a bit. Or at least if I did.

I've been working on that diligently this week and I'm proud of my progress. This is not to say you cannot get in touch with me and there are certain people I'd love to catch up with, even via text just so I can feel more on top of friendships stuff, but I'm trying to find my comfort zone. I for one, definitely rely too much on texting and social media as some kind of barometer for life things. It looks absurd when I type that but it is true, regardless. 

So here I am, a work in progress, progress not perfection, and less is definitely more! I'm in all the cliches and just finding my way through this thing called life. I hope that this helps someone feel less technologically anxious and more excited about finding their balance. For me it felt so weird at first, and much easier said than done, but by the end of this week I'm feeling more calm and rested, so I'm hoping for the same for all my readers. Happy Friday!

Checking In And Ghosting - Modern Technological Hurdles

Recently I had a good friend of mine thank me for checking in and checking up on her. I never have the resources to send Edible Arrangements, flowers, or just buy groceries and make casseroles but one thing I can do? Check in.

It's not always or even necessary to have a long conversation but more a way to say "Hey, I'm thinking about you and I'm a text away." In this busy and fast paced world, those little texts can get you through a whirlwind of negativity.

This is one hurdle I've managed to jump over a few times. I have a good friend I've had to discuss this delicately with and I gotta tell you those texts that say "Hey I've been really busy but I just wanted to say hi and wish you a good weekend," keep me smiling during the days when we're not able to catch up.

But I think we get so frustrating because of this whole new "ghosting" thing. To my understanding ghosting is when someone completely drops out of or disappears from contact with you, no explanation but possibly still exists actively on social media. Sometimes I miss the days where if someone didn't call you back, there weren't 8000 avenues to keep tabs on them and you could easily shrug off with a "They must be busy or out." Today our anxious, overthinking minds tend to assume the worst.

To me, the ghosting thing feels hurtful because, I'd rather you tell me in any way shape or form, "I'm not wanting to deal with you right now, but when I can find room for you, I will reach out." Always just say "Hey, I'm busy not ignoring you or not avoiding you." There are too many Pinterest memes to rile us up when we are feeling inferior or "not essential" to the business in friends, family and significant others' lives like "No response is still a response," and "If they want to talk to you, the will make time for you, not excuses," and so on and so forth.

For me, when I "fall off the grid," I don't see text messages because I was messing around on my phone doing something else and then forgot someone text me. Or I'm wanting to answer something and the kid or dog or husband interrupts and 10 hours later I realize I never responded. But I never mean to just stop all contact with people. No matter how small the "check in" is, I make an effort to do so.

I do this, because I would want the same from my friends. These are hard times people. With all the communication and technological advances, we still lose friends and grow apart. The people you used to text every day become an Instagram story or a Facebook update. The people you once planned entire weekend plans with are now posting adventures you could never go with them on, and are living their "best life" with you as a spectator.

Now I wrote recently about being called out as a hater on these types of things but I'll tell you what it is: I was hurt. Often we invest so much time and energy into these relationships of any kind, and when they fizzle, we feel that loss. And it's weird to be grieving someone still alive.

We live in a world where because we're "Facebook Friends" and "Instagram Followers" we "stay in touch." My husband always gives me a hard time about being "a texter." But I like to reach out with a text! You have no idea how many times I text people "Sorry I suck at communication but I love you! Hope you're well," or "Tell me how you are!"

I think I've been successfully ghosted once for about 9 months until the return of "the entity" and once I was "ghosted" or put off for about 2 weeks and then I confronted the issue and we made a peace treaty haha.

I often want to recoil from communication, social media and any kind of social gathering when I'm at my worst with life things. I have a pretty strong guard up when it comes to sharing because you never know how people will receive it and too often I've felt like I finally unloaded my dump truck of life and emotions to only feel that yucky "judgment" feeling from others, or be told how to "better" live my life. It's a hard line to walk.

I check in because I am there for my friends. My family life can often feel wobbly so I have heavily relied on my friends to be my compass. And I put everything into my friendships that I possibly can. And on that note, when you don't hear from me, it has nothing to do with lack of love or lack of desire to have you in my life. It's the opposite for me, if I'm quiet, I just don't know how to handle what's happening to me personally, am unsure how to tell you about it, and afraid that I can't support your friendship well enough, so I fear to let you down. Yes, that is my thought process!

I hope with all the technology, one day we get better with the way we communicate. There is so much heartbreak and anxious, depressive misery with text interpretation or unanswered questions and feelings. Perhaps that's why the "Good morning," "Good night," and "Have a good day," or "I'll be thinking of you," texts just make things so much better and nicer.

So check in this weekend, no not on Facebook, just with each other. Send a silly meme. Text a nice sentence of support. Check in and don't be a ghost. We can haunt people later. Enjoy the weekend readers and thanks again for your feedback!

Challenge 8 - Old Photo of Me...Nope and This Is Why

I truly feel like you cannot accurately post a pre-smart phone picture anymore without it just looking so damn old. I just feel like when you take a picture of the picture to post to social media, they all look like those old photos from the 50's you used to find in your attic that you judged.

I don't need anything else to remind me that motherhood has aged me. So, I don't want to post an old photo and it also blows my mind that my 5-year-old's entire existence has been captured via Facebook and Instagram and on top of that, mostly hangs out in some cloud that we just trust to hold our shit! Like has anyone ever really looked into the Google Drive and backup stuff? You log in and you can find it but what if some technological apocalyptic crash happens -- spur new wave of scary films -- and you didn't print REAL copies of your 40,000 pictures of food, your children, and your selfies that you have 20 each of to get the one RIGHT one that looked "effortless?"

It's so weird to think that we have this miniature computers that just rule our worlds. We all pretend that they don't but the ability to be able to capture any moment at any time without being like..."wait I need to grab my camera!," is still pretty amazing when you think about it. It can get creepy if you think about the logistics too much, but mostly it is awesome.

And I also think that while nostalgia is so awesome, looking at old photos to remember "the good times" can get daunting. I feel like it's forced memories sometimes. Every so often a trip down memory lane is good but you can't live there. It's not a good idea.

So there you have it, another little chapter completed but today I'm doing a total of two updates because I'm more excited about the next one! Stay tuned!

Cell Phone Detox

Years ago one of my friends used the phrase "Blurse," blessing and a curse, which I use frequently. Cell phone are definitely a Blurse. I heard something on the radio saying we check our phones at least once a minute. I'm totally guilty. Our big splurge after we had our first baby, was a foray into the world of smart phones. 
 
Those things are rad! They have come a long way. You almost don't need computers anymore. But, I'm kind of a cell phone addict, I'll totally admit it. It's definitely information overload. You can get sucked into checking Facebook and Instagram and email and waiting for text messages and sending memes and Pinterest!
 
I'm a text junkie. When you have a toddler who won't let you have phone conversations with out dancing on the dining room table, painting a wall or destroying something, texting is your best friend. "Bring home wine." "Bring home dinner." "What are we doing this weekend?" "Your daughter just ate a pen." These are all part of current parenthood.
 
The APPS! SO MANY APPS! SO LITTLE TIME! Check your bank, check wait times at Disney, make fun of people, find a take out place, get coupons, find a dress, find a friend, take a picture, take a video, it's all a finger flick away! But sometimes you get downright attached and obsessive! "Did it vibrate? I think I felt it vibrate. Did I hear it go off? What notification tone was that? Was that even my phone?" And the worst of the worst: "WHY WON'T YOU TEXT ME BACK!?"
 
All this...stuff just brings out such evil. Maybe it's radiation. Maybe it's just the new age. It's kind of unnerving. And then you meet people who are like, "I never check my phone," and you think, "What do you mean? I don't understand." 
 
We have to detox ourselves from our phones now, the way we do with carbs and junk food. That's kind of pathetic if you think about it. And then the whole thing of instant communication: "Well what if someone needs to get in touch with me?!" Are we all so individually important that we must be reached at any given second? Remember when you had to call the school to give a kid a message about a ride or an emergency? Or call a company phone to get ahold of a significant other? Now you just expect them at your beck and call. It's crazy!
 
Sometimes I just hide it from myself so I can take a break. It's often too much. But this is the universe we live in now. My toddler can navigate things far more easily than I can. She's like a little sponge! I'm not much for tablets and having all kinds of distractions for kiddos outside of movie time but I can see why it's appetizing. Then again, I see those families out to dinner with parents on cell phones and kids playing with tablets and it makes me sad. Now my family may be around the television constantly for lazy times at home but we can hold a conversation at least. Now it's all, "Did you see that Facebook post?" "Did you see that selfie?" "What about that Groupon?"
 
I've had to dial it down, pun intended. As much as I love my Spotify, Facebook, Pinterest and texting, sometimes you need to breathe! It's not always easy because you get used to the luxury but I'm finding it's worth it to not have a cell phone as an extra appendage!