Drama Or Trauma? Is There A Fine Line?

Merriam Webster defines trauma as: 

1a: an injury (such as a wound) to living tissue caused by an extrinsic agent

b: a disordered psychic or behavioral state resulting from severe mental or emotional stress or physical injury

c: an emotional upset

2: an agent, force, or mechanism that causes trauma

Merriam Webster defines drama as: 

1aliterature : a composition in verse or prose intended to portray life or character or to tell a story usually involving conflicts and emotions through action and dialogue and typically designed for theatrical performance 

b: a movie or television production with characteristics (such as conflict) of a serious playbroadly : a play, movie, or television production with a serious tone or subject

2literature : dramatic art, literature, or affairs

3a: a state, situation, or series of events involving interesting or intense conflict of forces

b: dramatic state, effect, or quality

Interesting isn't it? So here we are, all educated and I'm going to reveal what may come out as some serious stupidity on my part: I had to be told that what I had been through was actually "trauma" and not just personal "drama."

As women we are often painted as "dramatic" or "drama queens." We are told to "Save the drama for your mama." It's all a little ridiculous. Look at that definition - "a state, situation or series of events involving interesting or intense conflict of forces." What is trauma? "An emotional upset."

Is the difference simply all that pop culture conjecture that people "thrive on drama," or are "surrounded by drama" because it is "interesting, intense conflict," and that trauma is just "emotional?" 

See when I faced my "trauma," for me, I had just labeled it, "Yeah, I've seen some shit," or "Sometimes bad things just happen," but it was brought to my attention that my intense conflict of forces, if you will, had caused some emotional upset.

It would be easy to say there is a fine line; easy to act as though they coincide. Maybe in some ways they do, but here is what I want to share: my trauma is not drama to peak your interest.

The other day I said you have to "know your audience." Some people love gossip and they can't wait to hear about the trials of others. They will enjoy when you share hardships. Guess what? I've been there, when my drama was a facade for the trauma, that was me.

Also, focusing on the problems of others is a great way to ignore your own. More true cliches coming your way readers!

I'm still owning and confronting my traumas. Some are more palatable than others. The car accident? That is trauma people can get behind and the story is pure, grade A dramatic. When you start talking about marriage challenges, addiction, alcoholism, parenting, money, and family troubles, your audience shrinks and sometimes that is too much trauma and not enough drama. 

Sometimes I do feel completely dumb that I never saw the difference in the two. Sometimes I understand why I'd avoided it all this time because now I see everything is heavy and uncomfortable. 

I've found that now, when I try to explain my trauma, strange triggers come out or I lose control of my emotions trying to describe what situations were like. I remember telling a close friend something I found humiliating and being met with silence in response to what I had just revealed. Immediately, as if a reflex, I said "I'm sorry, this is stupid I shouldn't even talk about it." The retort? " It's not dumb, stop being so hard on yourself. I'm just listening."

What is that quote and cliche about we do not listen to hear, we listen waiting to respond? Something like that? Yeah, drama, trauma...listening and how we respond; the differences can be intense, right?

Confiding in ANYONE is so difficult. Confiding in someone you don't want to look "bad" in front of or you fear "judgment" from? If you're like me you've gotten used to just staying quiet. Why rock the boat?

Okay, enough on the soapbox right? Here is the point. We write things off as drama. How many things are we writing off that are a form of a cry for help? When I got called out as a hater a few years ago, I know understand it was just me getting angry at the world because my personal situation was spinning. Complaining and being snarky was my way of trying to ask for some support. Epic fail. 

When I've been told to be careful with the "struggling posts" and talking about what I'm going through? There is some merit to that but perhaps I'm just trying to let ANYONE else know that, guess what, your trauma is more than just drama, and you're not alone.

This isn't to say that you just sit there and let people dump their problems on you and listen when your friend is being irrational or even really insensitive. This is to say that in the midst of the drama, you take a moment to consider the trauma that may be behind that veil, no matter how thin. Let's let a friend vent and practice really listening. Because if you aren't equipped to take it ALL in, you can support that person to talk to a pastor, a counselor, therapist, etc., etc! But the difference between trauma and drama is quite a lot, don't get it twisted!

Please comment, DM me or email me if you'd like to talk more about this, I'd be happy to share some more personal experiences in an effort to help any reader!