The First Day After The Vacay Post

After returning from vacation last night, staying up too late unpacking, unwinding and trying to wrap my head around re-entering routines and reality, I am now settling back and figuring out a decent pace with which to do so and can sit down and write.

Part of me assumed I'd have so many blog post ideas I'd have to figure out which one first, but really, my car ride into work left me feeling wobbly and tired. So here I am grasping at my bearings. 

This trip was a learning experience. I could say they all are, but not so much. I mean I've learned how to pack, I've learned how to stress less but the phases of childhood, adulthood and marriage, are all learning experiences anyway, so throw in a trip and it's like free tuition.

My daughter's practice of picky kid eating was brutal and because I had to plan so delicately for that, not only could I barely practice my mindful eating, but I really couldn't report if I over-ate at all. I had no mindset for it. And if I was hungry and there wasn't food, oh well. I know I drank too much Starbucks, but that is all. I barely snacked and when the opportunity for a real meal came up, I indulged because, hello, vacation.

I learned that being "tough," directive and correct about things doesn't make you any friends. I learned that in the right company you can have your needs met with no argument, but instead with open arms, understanding and gratitude. I learned that family is just family, no matter what.

I think this trip was a complete lesson in practicing what you preach, picking your battles and just taking what you can from what's in front of you. There was rain, sun, tears, smiles, and a lot of compromises. I actually had only one meltdown on vacation and then about an hour into being back home I lost it and screamed aloud in the kitchen.

Some of my favorite parts of our trip were at our most volatile moments in fact. On our flight north, my daughter was completely irate that I had mixed up the terminals and there was no Chik-Fil-A only PDQ and she lost it. I calmly salvaged everything and settled for a Lunch-able, a can of Pringles and Chocolate Milk for dinner. The following morning she ate her weight in sausage at the continental breakfast. She was upset and we were walking around the terminal looking for food. I was talking her down. I kept saying 'The getting there is the worst part and you're allowed to feel all the frustration but we can make it work."

I saw an older motherly-type smile compassionately at me even though my daughter was audibly hating me. When we boarded our flight I said "Okay, please be aware of other people and not to bonk into them and you may pick our seats." The same woman we passed was front and center on our flight, already boarded and she said kindly, "You're doing good mom," to me. That was a great moment for me. I liked kindness and support.

My daughter did well until we were awaiting the shuttle at the hotel. She just lost it and I let her sit on the luggage. There was a sweet flight attendant watching my daughter's meltdown, amused at the display and she said, "You know, I was with my 4 year old at Wal-Mart late one night, getting close to bed time. She was talking back and the cashier said, 'I don't know why kids think they can be bratty just when they're tired.' I about smacked that cashier like, 'She's 4! She's tired! And she's my kid! Kids gotta be kids!'" When I finally loaded her into the shuttle that woman said, "You're doing good mom! You got this!"

Those two moments were just the little pick me up I needed to get me through. There were times when my daughter was just straight mean to me, and miserable because of whatever reason. And I just had to get her to a calm space and rationalize. There were a few times I grabbed her arm in a public place and said "ENOUGH!" More often I just let it slide, why? Because she's a human kid completely out of her normal routine. I weighed the importance of "disciplining" her and just letting her be a bit of a kid, which seemingly only bothered my husband.

I think travelling is just stressful and hard, so making it any worse by being "at" each other doesn't serve much of a purpose in my opinion. I think my daughter did phenomenally well in retrospect but there were times when I wanted to lose it on her, for sure. What mom doesn't have those moments daily and especially in high stress situations.

I've become pretty rational with her lately. I've started saying "Okay here is your issue, here are the options, what choice are you making?" I've coddled her and done what I could to pacify in a few situations but I've also made her toughen up a bit.

Yesterday she was very itchy from some bug bites. We had plenty of cortizone cream. We changed shoes. We tried with and without socks. By the end of the day she was just completely done. She slept so hard on the plane and woke up enraged and ready to get home. When we were in the airport I saw some of the dirty looks from people thinking I was this mom letting her child be "neglected" or "whiny." She wasn't bleeding, she was uncomfortable, it happens. Then I had a guy on the escalator smile after my daughter let out a huge whiny exclaim and he said, "We all feel the way she does, we just aren't letting it out like her!"

At the baggage claim another mom said, "I've had those days. I have a 7 year old and 4 year old. Their dad has been with them all of 4 hours and cannot wait for me to get home. You're doing good." Then an older gentlemen said "They grow up to be better," showed me a picture of his redheaded granddaughter and proudly reported her starting college. Even our ride home was okay with her yelling at me the whole way home. 

Yelling at her about any of it, wouldn't have solved the situation and the same went for the entire trip. My biggest meltdown was mostly quiet and born out of the feeling that no one was grateful for where we were, where we had been and what we were able to see. I felt like up to that point I had compromised my ass off, was being "told how things would go," and I just wasn't having it. 

My meltdown at home was born out of a lot of the same things but for different reasons. I didn't have expectations that my home would be pristine and waiting for me, but I hadn't anticipated or felt it deserved to have extra work in my way of settling back in. The first day back after vacation is always rough because you've had all this time away adventuring and then you're slammed back into routines and schedules, I always just hope that there are things in place to lessen the blow of the transition, rather than amplify. Then again, to practice what I preach boy did I have my low expectations train arrive at a grinding halt at the station!

This trip showed me infinite gratefulness. I felt so well taken care of by the people I love the most. I felt like we were appreciated for taking the time to be around everyone and in more ways than one. I felt so lucky and blessed to have been a part of everything. I felt calm, loved and at ease which I can honestly say hasn't always been the case on trips of the past.

I opened my eyes to a lot through this experience, especially in reference to my daughter and husband. I'm a little tired. I'm a little stressed to get back into things, but I know I'll be okay and things will even out after some time re-adjusting. For now, send coffee and hugs and I'll be getting back on the blogging track as well. Happy Monday!