Moment to Moment Motherhood, The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

In my house, mornings are rough. Not for me personally, but it seems my dog, my daughter and especially my husband wake up in such grouchy ways more often than not. With my dog, I just feed him and he goes back to bed. Depending on when my daughter attempts to be awake for the day, I send her back to snuggle with the dog and the husband or she wakes up slowly with every light on and whines at me as I scramble for coffee.

My husband is the worst to wake up. I used to think it was a "Not a morning person," thing but now I just know it's some kind of weird dysfunction. We're working through it. I'm up at the same time every day doing some kind of work-out and then getting myself ready for work with lunch packed and attempting to look reasonably put together to leave by 7:20AM. This usually occurs before anyone else is physically out of bed. Sometimes I throw together breakfast for my daughter if she catches me on the move.

This morning we had mostly good moments. My daughter heard me in the shower and came in brightly and said, "Hi mom!" As soon as I started getting ready she wanted to get dressed with me and sat on the toilet by vanity area and mirror to catch mommy time before work. I have a strict  "Don't be in the way," rule, not because I'm a strict mom but because I have serious "Mommy brain" and when I try to do everything for her in the midst of getting myself ready, I leave the house without things like mascara or worse, with it only on one eye.

She was listening well though. I was straightening my hair and she was somehow impressed. My hair isn't even curly compared to hers and I reminded her my little flat iron was an iron so it was hot. "Mom can you just do that to a small piece of my ponytail? PLEASE?" I did. "Whoa, it's so warm," she said. Then she wanted to know my step by step make up routine, even though she'd seen it a million times. "What's that? What's it for!? Why?" All of it.

I don't remember my mom wearing anything but blush ever. She wasn't a make up person, as to my knowledge, and still isn't. I missed out on make-up, hair stuff and any girl maintenance with my mother. She was never "maternal" in that way, okay she just wasn't really maternal. She dressed me in overpriced name brands to match and look cool though. Any funny shirt or things plastered with expensive brands on them were mine to keep up appearances.

Because of this, the popular girls used to love to "Make me up." It was all very "Mean Girls" Regina George-Cady Heron drama. I had one friend my junior year in high school who actually showed me how to buy and wear, and I've tweaked everything since then to try and look presentable. Every time my daughter says she wants make-up I say, "You have perfect little skin, you have a beautiful face and nothing to hide. You don't need make-up." One of her favorite parts of Halloween was I let her wear eye shadow. She did not enjoy removing the make-up later.

Back to this morning, she was very interested in it all and I humored her. A little powder here and a little powder there but she wanted the coveted eye shadow. I would never do that on a school day. Maybe a weekend. She has fancy chap stick of her own that my sister got her, but fake make-up and soapy kinds of things give her a rash with that sensitive skin so we use caution. Luckily I don't buy fancy enough make-up to worry about sharing with her so, from time to time we get girly.

The moments this morning were cute, so I slowed down and indulged. Most of my life feels like a rush of "Get here, get this done and fast." So, letting Luna hang with me this morning felt okay, until the tantrum. There is always a tantrum.

She gets easily frustrated with...everything. I totally understand this because so do I. But I have years of learning how to internalize everything under my belt. So she was getting dressed and first was the fit about the pants being so difficult to get on and she needed help. She is almost 6. She doesn't need help. She just wanted my attention. And then it was the end all be all, she could only get on one sock. The other was just impossible!

I laughed a little. Not 5 minutes before it was all cutesy Hallmark moments. It could have been something on a commercial for any bathroom product or even a PSA. And then it was world's end. It can switch so quickly. It's the good moments that keep our head above water though, and that can be easily forgotten.

Motherhood, and parenthood in general, can be ugly, and we often wish to just cover all the blemishes in different forms of make-up. Family life is messy. Okay, LIFE is messy. There's poop, boogers, hair pulling, screaming, crying and tantrums and that's just the parents! Funny right? It's all of us, but especially little kiddos, and as a mom, I'm often the one crying. Sometimes it's a happy cry but still! These are the moments, the good, the gross, the bad, the ugly. 

I realize more and more how important those little cuddles are. Those little moments between the angry sock tantrums, being mad I said no, crying about a toy or telling me a story about someone being mean at school and it ruined the whole day just make parenting less heavy feeling. Think about how much we spend and stress on Christmas, but Christmas morning it all disappears when she sees the loot and is so excited that wishes came true! It's the good moments that make up for the bad and ugly ones. Keep them close, and your little ones too!  

It's often best, well this is for me at least, to live moment to moment. Big scheme things and the future can get murky, but knowing that you'll carve out 20 minutes to let your daughter read to you? That can get you through all the spreadsheets, sales reports or customer service you might need to for the day. A funny thing she said can make your week. But most of all, these moments are just affirmations you're raising a great human. So keep up the good fight, even in the bad and ugly moments. And maybe keep some make up on hand in case. 

My Parents Were Never As Nice To Me, As I Am To My Daughter...Or So We Tell Ourselves

Have you ever gotten one of those brilliant ideas based on a memory from your childhood that embodies a sense of nostalgia but also makes you so excited to share with your little one as well? In my experience, these often blow up in my face. But maybe that's just me.

I had a normal kid childhood. LOTS of playing outside, roller skating, riding bike, getting dirty, and plenty of swimming in the summer. Living with a little one in Florida has its hurdles but as soon as my little one was of age, I wanted to do all the things with her. The first lesson in outdoor fun was her getting bitten by weird creatures that left welts and discolored bruises or a rash. Now when we go visit Oregon and Pennsylvania, her favorite thing is being barefoot with no ant bites. And less humidity.

Swimming for me was a mess. I still can't swim well, but my daughter is a much better swimmer than I could ever be. I was the kid who got tossed into the deep end and could just barely dog paddle. At least we eased into it with my daughter. As someone with water issues, I was very receptive to any extra anxiety she could have. But she is like a little fish!

Now roller skating was the worst idea I've ever had. I think the first time we tried she was 4. Oh my gosh. They now have these ridiculous "trainers" which are like rolling walkers like old people use to help keep you up. I have a few things to say about this: When your skates get caught under them, you instantly trip and...my parents would have never paid for one of those things. In fact, I don't remember my parents "taking me" skating. I got dropped off and dragged around that rink with cousins or friends and if you fell? Too bad so sad, get up before you get rolled over! You just kept trying! Over and over!

For riding bicycle I remember my dad helping me a lot but my daughter and I just fight. She has legitimately fallen maybe once. The others were more like tip overs and she never even bled. I was the queen of falling off my bike. But if you stayed to cry, you got left behind. I push my daughter to just go! We fight and she'll relive those days in therapy I'm sure. Because I refuse to let her quit, or not learn how to ride a bike. I am determined to make sure we will ride together one day, no matter how much she whines.

As far as getting dirty, my kid is too much like me. I used to say I disliked getting dirty, but then I would spend a weekend with my little boy cousins and that would go right out the window. I always was outside making things with nature, picking plants, playing with and collecting rocks and having adventures. My daughter is the same. While other girls are playing make-up and nails, she is making rock islands and villages and all kinds of things with dirt and sticks and mud. And that's how it should me, in my humble opinion.

Don't get me wrong, she has a tablet. She is definitely a kid in the technological, smart phone world but these aren't things that keep us from being outside and certainly they don't keep us from play dates and other interactions. We keep all that stuff as low key as possible. I still believe kids need to be kids. 

In general, I have to say that I feel I'm way nicer to my daughter than my parents were to me. I don't remember being allowed to sneak into bed or do much more than use the bathroom in the middle of the night. I almost never got to pick what was on TV or what we watched. They took me to some movies and transported me to and from play dates but rarely stayed for the duration. And I was that weird kid that LOVED having a babysitter because my parents were lame. 

I know there are a lot of jokes about  parents and kids getting softer, being coddled and it was never like that "back in my day." There is some truth to it but mostly you figure out what works for you at the time that you're parenting. Sometimes I can be so calm and supportive and helpful to my little one. Other days I'm screaming at her because I asked 4 times already to put the damn shoes away! We all have our moments.

I like taking my daughter to do stuff. We had 3 epic years of Disney fun and memories. We have beach adventures and do crafting things, we go see movies, hit the zoo and aquarium, we do park play dates and get treats. Maybe my parents enjoyed some of those things too, or maybe they just suffered through for my enjoyment. You never know. 

I'm sure Luna will one day report I was not nice. I do speak fluent sarcasm, that's for sure, but I try and be "nicer" than the generation before me. I definitely have had moments where I've uttered the same things my parents did in my childhood that haunt me. Things about making extra messes when I clean and don't ruin my nice things. I then immediately feel bad and give them a treat because...I'm nicer to my daughter than my parents ever were to me! 

Play Dates: A Mom's Best Friend

My daughter and a neighborhood friend are currently in a fort play-dating it up and this is amazing because I'm able to write, or watch a movie, fold laundry and breathe. Play dates, in my humble opinion, can be a mother's best friend.

Play dates with kids under one, are more for the mothers to just interact and we kind of just watch the little ones roll around and steal each other's toys. Once kids hit about 3, you relish the time when another little friend helps them expel some energy and entertains them. Now at almost-6, you just need a body in the house and less of the planned activities. They entertain each other effortlessly now.

You may have to referee a few fights or disagreements but other than that, it's a dream. Now, don't get me wrong, I interact with my little one all the time. We do crafts and go see movies and do all the things, but lately I've been so tired by the time I hit Sunday, I like to instill some chill time. For me, TV and movies have always been my comfortable zone out and relax mechanisms. Now, I've watched all the Disney movies about a thousand times, so I usually retreat to my bedroom and binge on Friends, the Office or Parks and Rec, and generally it's something that Luna can watch without picking up on any inappropriate jokes.

I'm always a room away and I make sure she has all snack needs met, but I like for her to have some independence. Plus, it lets her watch what she wants, like My Little Pony or Daniel Tiger. She tells me all of the details of the shows anyway, so it's like I'm watching them and she gets her own "me time."

When we have play dates, I make these technology free times. You have someone to interact with, you don't need a tablet or TV. Occasionally they indulge in a movie but mostly it's all about play. I like to set up painting time or chalk adventures or games but I definitely encourage them to use their imaginations and come up with things on their own.

As an only child I was fiercely independent and I've tried to raise Luna the same way. She can get along in the company of grown ups as well as she can with kids of all ages. And I'm super proud of her for being that way, because when she needs to take a few minutes away from being social, she can come sit by me and just be her wonderful self for a moment.

I have had circumstances where I've watched her have a rough time with kids who weren't so very nice to her and it's hard to not get overly "Mama Bear" on them. I kind of walk on egg shells when it comes to disciplining other kids when the other parent isn't present. Most of the time the play dates for the kids do include mom play dates for me, but there are times when they bounce between houses in the neighborhood and I'm the one overseeing the interaction. 

I've heard the little ones not really meshing well and sometimes I think it's harder for me than it is for my daughter. She seems so resilient at times and I'm the one getting annoyed that someone isn't being nice to my little one. And I know kids have phases and disagreements and such but I hate when I see one being just generally mean. 

I have stepped in and limited Luna's contact with the offenders from time to time, especially when I see them leaving her in a haze of negativity. But, mostly I let her navigate her friendships and play dates on her own. Because these are the times for her to figure things out more and more on her own, and with less and less of my help. This is the sad truth of growing up.

Most often, play dates make everything better. They give Luna the interaction and energy burn she needs, and gives me time to be productive or catch up with other moms and socialize myself. I tend to be a recluse at times and just want to be lazy and hole up at home. Play dates make me get us out there more! It's a win win!

I'm interested to see how these things evolve. I'm interested to see how things go when sleepovers, drop off parties and events happen. I'm always so attached to being around her and unless she's with my husband or a babysitter, I am the one that is there the most. Letting her be more independent is a test on me as well. We'll see if I make the grade in about another 20 years when she finds her first therapist. For now, play on little one. I have a laundry list of, well laundry and such to do!

"I Just Cleaned That!" A Mother's Memoir

Does anyone else feel like this is almost just their constant state? Work, kid care, clean up, tidy up, sleep, repeat? I feel like I'm always cleaning, always need to clean or I totally just cleaned that so how is it filthy already?

In this day and age with technology and limitless resources for things, I still feel like there aren't enough hours in the day. I don't care how "organized" I try to be or how many lists, videos or ideas I pin on my Pinterest, it doesn't make them happen. And also, I spend way longer pinning things to my boards than I have ever spent completing a real Pinterest task. I would assume I'm the only one who does this but they have too many Pinterest fails for me to feel like the sole person who is guilty of this.

This past year, which was mentally just completely defeating for me, I realized how much the tasks of cleaning and grocery shopping were just engulfing all of my weekend to the point where I was just so depressed and tired. Friday nights my daughter had demanded a movie night where she watched a RedBox on our large living room TV and I would clean the house after doing the grocery shopping. It became like a race almost, and this huge challenge. By the end I just lost steam and wanted to curl up in bed. We'd be up until 10 most nights by the time I finished so as to get it all done fast to better enjoy the weekend. 

I tried to plan and budget, budget and plan. It was so much to deal with. And then recently I discovered Wal-Mart Grocery Pick-Up. I know, I know. Wal-Mart is evil and blah blah. Here's the thing, we used to shop exclusively at Winn Dixie but their general product quality dropped. Then we switched to Publix, my favorite supermarket but, I don't care who you are, it's expensive. I tried BOGO shopping at Publix but then I ended up so obsessed with the deals I got carried away and didn't actually meal plan. We had enough Ketchup for a year though! Total score!

Finally I looked at how much we were really spending on the items we went through like no tomorrow in this house: bread, cheese, snack type foods, milk, chicken and ground beef or turkey. These were all just so much cheaper at Wal-Mart unfortunately. And grocery pick up was effortless, you pay online and they load up your trunk. Now, I still go to Publix for all of our lunch meat, our produce and many of their signature items (hello all bakery items), but the Wal-Mart app and pick up are my go to. I especially love that it shows me how much I'm spending so if I'm getting carried away I can be like "Okay that can actually wait a while, I don't need it THIS week."

My husband or I are able to pick up at Wal-Mart whenever and I go to Publix every Friday on my lunch break and am able to keep all the cold stuff in my fridge at work for a few hours. Then I'm not already exhausted and agitated when I get home. This was a game changer honestly. 

I don't care who you are, navigating a store with children is maddening. You forget something on the list. You tell yourself to remember something and forget that too, and then the child talks you into $20 worth of crap you don't even need just to keep them quiet. Or they have to stop and pee and you forget what aisle you're on. Going by myself is like a vacation, yes, I'm that cliche.

And cleaning? If I could afford a house cleaner, I would have one, but currently I can only afford myself and sometimes the help of my husband. This past year I bought myself one of those Robot Vacs as a Christmas present to myself when it was $50 cheaper than I'd been stalking all year. I saw a friend with one and she has 2 dogs and her house was so clean. I was like whoa, did you JUST clean? She showed me this thing and I was sold.

We run that thing daily and not only is the floor less gritty, it cuts my floor cleaning time in HALF each week and picks up all remnants of child and creature. I've also had more help from daughter and husband in terms of tidying up, which makes all the difference because I am always tired, which I may have mentioned in previous posts.

And I hate when you have people over and of course, you've scoured your home in preparation and they're like "I don't know how you do it all!" I know that's meant to be a compliment but I always want to say, "Yeah this is all only because I let you into my house, normally we live like gorillas and there is crap everywhere."

My house is wonderful clutter. School papers, receipts for who knows what, SHARPIES from my husband, the chef's, kitchen, food wrappers from daughter and husband and dog things. Depending on how late and how tired the husband is, clothing often ends up strewn on one or both couches. There are small blankets and random stuffed animals everywhere. My dining room table always doubles as a craft space, paint place, and area to sprawl ALL THE THINGS. We don't even actually eat there very often. Maybe twice a week on a good week.

Keeping up with everything can feel so...unending and laundry truly is the "Neverending Story" of adulthood, but cleaning, working and chores are just a part of life. I often remind my daughter that we are the ones who keep this place clean so don't trash it. Don't just toss something on the floor that could easily go in the trash.  

I think we let these parts of life bog us down. The "have to's" end up burying us alive and it all feels so heavy. I'm not an organized guru, I just caved and found something that worked for what we all wanted and needed. Sometimes schedules get crazy and money gets tight and it adds more stress, but again, par for the course. Everyone has their little luxuries and "treat yo self" moments. Mine are the RoboVac and a cup of $4 coffee each week. Other people have house cleaners or Shipt. I have Wal-Mart pick-up and lunch time Publix runs. 

Every week I still need to clean. Every week we still need food, but navigating the "I just bought that," "I just cleaned that," moments successfully and not stressfully make all the difference. Feel free to email me what works for you!

Kids Are Honest, Brutally, Rudely Honest

On our drive to church last week my daughter just blurts out, "Grandma's getting old mom. You're getting pretty old too." Thank you dear, daughter, thank you for that honest and astute observation.

Last week when my daughter was doing her horseback riding lessons, on a pregnant horse no less, she was talking about the horse having a big belly and her daddy having a big belly but daddy can't have a baby so his belly shouldn't be that big. Kids say the darnedest things!

When I was a nanny and in that awesome phase where you just turn 21 and begin drinking all the sugary, fattening things and dine out every meal and calories are just a concept, I became thicker, and much faster than in my pre-drinking age days. One afternoon one of the two year old girls I watched pushed on my stomach and said, "Is that your belly Ali? Is it FAT?" Her mother was a former model and her father was a neurosurgeon. I laughed and said, "Yes, but I'm working on it." Her father heard the exchange and said to her, "That is rude! You apologize to Ali!" I reassured him it was fine. She was two, after all.

The worst part is, she was completely right. Kids are usually right when it comes to these inconvenient observations. My daughter is a chatterbox from the moment she wakes up until she falls asleep but when she sneaks in that random honesty, it is brutal, hilarious and most often, heartwarming.

I have tried to raise her to not use silly, inane and mispronounced words and to have a very strong vocabulary. Although I will admit I love when she calls Nutella, "Nella." Her vocabulary bites me in the ass on a regular basis. My daughter is the one in the supermarket telling me how big her poop was. "It was enormous mom, HUGE!" She'll talk to me about how we should only pick our noses at home or in the car, not when we're at the store. She'll tell me how stinky daddy's farts are and that her vagina was really itchy today, all in public. I'm at least proud she is using descriptive, complete sentences.

I try not to act as though she can't say things out loud or be heard but say, "That's more talk for just you and I, maybe not the whole bread aisle at Publix." With her commentary comes wonderful conversations about random things, although sometimes can get a little dark.

She's about to be 6 so that death fixation phase is real and she told me recently I would definitely die before her, which was sad because she would miss me a lot. So with the dark truth came the heartwarming part. 

My favorite to date though, was her talking about who would die first, Brodie, her 8 year old pug, or her Grandpa. That one is really a coin toss because both could easily make it another 10+ years but it's all completely health dependent, which is a sad, harsh truth.

I try to deter her from using "unkind" words. We don't say "fat" about other people but maybe "I made a big fat bubble with my bubble wand," or "I had a big, fat sandwich today." I don't let her say "Oh my god," but instead, "Oh my gosh," or 'What the heck or hell," we quote Liz Lemon with "What the what?!?" And we don't say "Stupid;" that one isn't allowed at all.

I have these ridiculous mom moments where I laugh and get a little bit momma bear when it comes to altercations at school. Luna had been in Kindergarten about a month and got in trouble because she "Called a friend a name." I asked her to tell me what happened and she explained that one little boy called her a "Poopy face," and she said "Well, you're an idiot." As much as I had to be the mother who detests name calling, I mean, she was right. Calling someone a poopy face is indeed idiotic and can we give no points for a great retort and wonderful vocabulary?

This is why my mothering can be so...questionable but also kind of awesome. But this is also where their honesty is just amazing. Sometimes I wish we never learned to have those filters and blocks of "appropriateness" and we just were brutally honest because what I love is it's rare to see kids this age actually speak these words maliciously. They just observe and report. So it's kind of endearing. It's when we use the words in mean ways that we get into trouble. 

A few years ago I had said something as a joke with Luna in earshot when she was like 4, because a little boy had pushed her and I was talking to her about using her words to express herself, not using her hands and I said under my breath, "You can hurt a person way worse with your words anyway; lasting damage." My husband looked at me horrified, and barked, "Don't say that!"

There was truth to it though. Kids get hurt by the name calling and being told they aren't friends with so and so anymore. But they bounce back from cuts and bruises. That brutal honesty bounces off most little friends and from kids to other adults too. If only we could keep varying degrees of that honesty and amplify our kindness to a good medium.

In an exchange with one of my friends recently they were complaining about gaining weight. In no way was I going to be like "Yeah you're so much fatter," but I didn't want to discount what they were saying to me with like "Oh you look fine who cares, it's the holidays," so I responded with honesty and kindness. I said, "Look you've mentioned this before and I have your back no matter what and support you going to the gym and getting into a routine. I can even go with you, but I do think you still look awesome, even if you want to improve upon yourself." It seemed to have a calming effect with their worries but also give them a positive affirmation. This is something I feel like kids do so much more naturally.

When Luna says, "Daddy makes grilled cheese way better and you make pasta so crunchy," she often then says, "But I like your quesadilla better and daddy doesn't make good eggs." 
I've worked harder on finding this medium within myself but kids just seem to have a knack! Having a filter does come in handy, though, especially with my own parents, and my boss, which is something children don't even have a little bit. It's all about balance.


I intend to keep this momentum in balance and mindfulness this year, especially. Although, for now, I intend to enjoy the young, brutal honesty because when she's 16 and telling me I'm a horrible mom, I can revisit these moments and miss her stating I'm getting old. Those are more palatable truths and we all need those!

The Morning Rush...10 Minutes Late or Bust!

The movie Bad Moms is worth a watch at some point, if it's not already in your favorites list, for many reasons in fact, but it opens with a line that goes something like "I had kids and I've been late every day ever since." This is factual. 

I used to be chronically early to everything. I was that person who, if you're not early you're not on time because just arriving on time is too close to too late! And then when you have a child, it takes longer to do anything and everything. Ever. Not to mention you're never the creator of your own schedule, that baby/toddler/kid is.

Now, I can be mostly on time for work (I'm usually in the parking garage by 8...in the office by 8:05) and if I need to be anywhere without my husband or child, I am usually about 10 minutes late unless it's an appointment, like for a doctor or dentist, you know anything PAID for. Generally, however, I am late. 

It's not a laziness thing, well not always, and it's not a procrastination thing, well not always. I like to think it's just another badge on motherhood sash. If any of you moms out there are always on time, please teach me your ways!

Every morning I think I give myself the perfect amount of time to get ready and then I get distracted or forget that I already forgot something or everything and it just snowballs. When my daughter blissfully sleeps through my getting-ready-for-work time, I'm fine, but when she wants to come talk to me when I'm trying to sip my coffee or demands breakfast early or wants help picking out clothes or, "I can't reach this," or "Mom, mom, mom, mom!," that's when it all goes awry. And fast.

Things are much better now than when she was really little, but I can never seem to give us enough time for the "getting from the house into the car," routine. They can NEVER find their shoes or they need to bring a toy or they want a snack or they need 500 other things. You ask them to pee 6 times and you'll still end up stopping more often than not. Then getting into the car seat is ridiculous; it always takes much longer than it rightfully should. 

My husband somehow manages to never get in the car at the same time as we do; we always get in the car and wait for him because I usually drive. Then my daughter starts whining about, "Why is daddy taking so long! He's taking forever! When are we leaving?" It's a fun game.

With no one in my way, I CAN be on time but as a mom, I'm not so sure "No one in your way" actually exists. It might be like Narnia, a place only accessible through some kind of secret and magic entrance.

I honestly barely put much effort into my appearance anymore. I once left the house with only one eye having mascara on it and with jelly on the side of my shirt from a morning hug. I ALMOST left the house, more than once, with different flip flops, and no it wasn't a trend setting type thing. I don't wear expensive make-up nor do I have some crazy routine for skin care or maintenance. My goal is to look "somewhat put together." So "getting ready," is rarely a long process, but the many interruptions elongate everything.

Children always have something they need to tell you, but it doesn't seem to be completely necessary to tell you this thing until you're already doing all the other things. Kids timing is impeccable. But I will take ownership, I'm often late because I also try to do TOO MUCH in not enough time.

For most people this results in less than awesome results, but for me, it somehow makes me work harder in some self-competition. Oh did you not realize from all aforementioned Friends references that I'm mostly Monica? Yes. And I love cleaning and arranging as a way to physically display my ability to control variables in my chaotic world.

These are all my contributing lateness factors that I suspect most of us have in common and again, anyone who is on time, please teach me how to be an adult in this capacity. 

Maybe I'll be more timely one day, but much like being tired, I think being late is just who I am now. It's all intricately connected into my entire world of mothering. We all have our strengths, being timely is not mine. I can make a mean salad though, but if I invite you for dinner, it won't be ready exactly on time so maybe have a snack first...

4th Grade 4-Eyed Dreams Can Come True

I'm getting more and more insight into what a little girl's world really is through my daughter, but I have a few memories of my own. I don't remember being too into clothes. I was definitely an extremely late bloomer and I just loved to wear matching things. In fact, mis-match day at school was always a challenge for me.

My mom dressed me in Laura Ashley, Osh Kosh and as many brand names as possible but I don't remember much beyond fluffy dresses and Easter hats. I didn't get manicures or have lots of accessories. One thing I really wanted when I was in 4th grade though, was glasses.

Both of my parents had glasses. One of them was near-sighted, one of them was far-sighted, and I was like "Okay, so when do I get my glasses?" I'd always tested fine for vision but when I complained of frequent headaches they thought maybe it was time.

So off to the eye doctor we go and I have perfect vision. I was super bummed. I felt really ordinary with the exception of the bright red hair. There was another redhead in my class too and she had glasses. My best friend had glasses. I was so lame without them, right? Oh and the headaches were from my mom letting me drink iced tea every morning...not the best choice. 

So I went on to grow for years and years with no glasses and normal vision. I've never really had any problems so I just went on to function with regular eye balls and exist in the glasses-less sector of society.

It's taken a long time for the Chriss fam to get it together, but we now have normal luxuries like insurance and dental and vision coverage. My husband has glasses and he's used all of the things around it, but I realized I had never used my benefits. Now that I have a job where I'm able to have doctor's appointments and run of the mill life happenings without losing hours or suffering in some other way, I decided to adult up and get my eye exam.

So the dilation thing is maddening. Everything was so blurry and disorienting. The eye puff thing had me exactly like Rachel on Friends, you know which one I'm talking about. And then I found out I needed a light prescription. I was ridiculously excited. 

The Eye doctor said one time a girl desperately wanted glasses and she had to say no and she left in tears. She had wished someone would have told her so she could have phrased it differently for the little one, but she was happy I wasn't upset about them.

So then I went frame shopping. The next day because being all blurry I was not trying to shop for something to live on my face for the rest of my days. My budget was small because I'm "thrifty" (not cheap lol). So I found some frames I really really loved and now just had to be patient for two weeks. No problem.

When my glasses came I ran over there. Finally! I put them on. New year, new me! Yeah! I loved them but oh my did they mess with my depth perception...badly. The sidewalk looked like it was up to my stomach. It was so weird.

My husband assured me there was an adjustment period. Then the first weekend they moved around on my face a lot. I couldn't tell if I was being high maintenance or if they needed an adjustment. My husband said while glasses move, they shouldn't quite that much. I still wore them because this was my 4th grade dream, coming true and right before my 34th birthday! 

So, I finally went to get the adjustment and they are worlds better. When my daughter first saw them somehow she was taken aback like, "Do you have to wear those to bed?" Even though my husband has worn glasses, oh, always. Mostly I got the response "cute," or worse...the people I wanted to notice didn't and the people I would have never expected to notice now wanted to talk about my new accessory.

I'm still getting used to them over-all. This week they are making me sleepy. But there is this huge part of me that feels kind of awesome that my 4th grade dream, no matter how ridiculous it may seem, actually has come true. I think we all have these kid moments of wanting things to make us stand out but also fit in and as we get older we care less and less, but it's kind of fun to know now, not only am I able to see better, but I kind of knocked a weird kid goal off of my list.

My daughter has cool goals like going to Paris and getting a Golden Retriever puppy, which I fully support. She loves to mis-match clothes and hates to match actually. I refer to her as a tiny tourist as you'll often see her in prints and prints or stripes and polka dots. She just found jewelry and is hesitant to fit into the lost tooth trend out of fear it will hurt. While she's fiercely independent she has conformed into the Shopkins obsession, My Little Ponies, the world of Legos and Roblox. I love watching her phases though.

When she has goals like glasses and braces though, I fully intend to let her know that she might have to wait until she's grown, but usually these things are totally achievable. I plan on explaining this while on a plane full of Golden Retrievers on our way to Paris of course.