This week has felt long, and tomorrow I'm off and the kiddo will be at her aftercare program for the majority of the day, so I will even have time to myself. Regardless, all of the cliches are hitting me with truth this week. "Long days, short years," and all the other ones about short weeks being worse than regular ones, and then other deeper stuff creeps in as well.
So with my schedule in disarray, my emotions in flux, and everything pushing me to just be copacetic and float through muddling, here is where I am: I can't make people communicate the way I might need. I can only put out there all the good vibes and prayers. I try to stay hopeful instead of frustrated or upset, even if I'm awaiting a response that my never come.
Some routines will be disrupted and leave you feeling like you need to be doing more, but if your kid is clothed, fed, clean and happy, maybe a little TV time won't actually kill her, especially as a reward for a good week. I realized I got something I've been pining after for 9 years and it happened organically and magically as it should have, but I'm so impatient I had to take a serious step back to realize I finally got what I asked for, it just took awhile for delivery, so to speak.
Social stuff can be hard and everyone has their boundaries and ways of operating towards one another. Not taking things personally or feeling hurt and ignored, is super difficult for me. I spend a lot of energy talking myself out of being upset over uncontrollable things, but I don't feel silly for that inner dialogue anymore, I feel stronger.
I'm so simple that after a post on Instagram about a rough day, waking up to a text from my best friend while he's been on vacation but took the time to wish me a better day the following morning, totally made me feel seen, heard and helped me have that better day. It's amazing what some encouragement can do.
As a mother and grown woman, it really bothers me when other adults don't have spacial awareness in terms of not crowding one another unnecessarily but also, are insanely loud in a shared room for no apparent reason. This is coming from a notably loud mother. It's a pet peeve, but still, don't we teach our children about "inside voices?" It's still applicable today.
As per my post yesterday, money stuff sucks for EVERYONE. I saw too many Facebook posts in disagreement about rebuilding Notre Dame and donations made. Any subject of money is just stressful. I had to just log off and get away from all that.
You can't will someone to change, to respond, or to make an effort. You can only put out good vibes into the universe and hope they hit the appropriate people in the appropriate way and boomerang back to you with some semblance of what you might need. Expectations can make ugly emotions and anxieties, even uglier.
Lastly on this random collection of deep thoughts and short week reflections, I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read any of my stuff, even if you dislike or disagree. Some days I stare at a blank post for awhile and feel like I churn out nothing worthwhile. Other days it pours out of me like I was just waiting for the keyboard and screen to be ready for it all. Some days this feels like something on the "to do" list. Other days this is what I'm longing to do. So thank you, each and every reader of every post, for doing this for me. Hopefully it's not on your "to do" list but rather something you can find some entertainment and joy in.
Happy Friday Eve!
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