Finding All The Time; The Question Of When

That phrase, "There are not enough hours in the day," must have been written for parents, and mothers specifically. As an avid supporter of therapy, I will admit that in a therapy session when our therapist was talking to us about making time to communicate, it took every fiber in my being not to shout..."When?"

We are supposed to have the time to "do it all." I'd like to reveal to you all, it's complete and utter bullshit. It may also be impossible. 

Timing and finding the time, is really difficult. Date nights, solo errands, nights out with friends, calm conversations, dinner not being a rush, all of these things require planning and timing and I'm not going to lie, it's all really exhausting. This is coming from someone who only has one child, mind you. 

I used to sit and admire the moms that could "do it all." But then I actually started listening to them and befriending them and I realized it's not that they "do it all" but rather they have different methodologies and routines they have found that work for them. So I've just tried to do the same for me.

Most of us are running on very little sleep, although I maintain that sleep is my single favorite hobby and if I have the opportunity to get as much as possible, you better believe I will! 

My biggest struggles are time for myself, and time with my husband. Time with my husband is completely maddening because we operate on extremely different wavelengths. I have a cup of coffee and am firing on all cylinders from 8AM to about 3PM. He isn't truly awake until at least 1PM, even if he wakes up at 7AM, and at 9PM is ready to hang out...just as I'm past my bed time! It stinks, to say the least. Opposite schedules are a hindrance. 

So when do we find time to do what we need? A lunch break? If hubby and I catch a lunch date it has a specific end time, talk about killing a moment. All other walks of life are interrupted by my child, because she is sassy and six. So, therefore, I repeat, when?

We get many, many, MANY, suggestions, which are often kind and thoughtful for that answer. Almost all of them are just not conducive to our life. I work hard on my time management but that doesn't just make everything happen. Between kid schedules, work schedules, and my precious sleep, it seems to always be a struggle.

I am a scheduled, organized person. I've tried to schedule time together and it rarely works. Date nights, depending on the babysitter, usually end up having consequences, and again, we operate on opposite levels in most walks of life. He's tired and hungry later, I'm tired and hangry all the time. 

I used to make the large mistake of taking to Facebook to complain about this. I had moms who agreed and then other people with their snarky comments that made me so mad. Only a few understood enough to think to offer help. Those are my favorite people. This is also not some inadvertent hint to text me after reading by the way. No, seriously.

The "WHEN" has always been such a looming and sad question for me because it never has an easy answer of "4PM Tuesday," and 90% of the time "When" turns into the dreaded, "As soon as," ellipsis. No fun.

My life is filled with "As soon as." Sometimes it feels like a reflex. I've had to be more assertive in following through with these things that come up for "as soon as," also, which is tough at times. We always think we have plenty of time. We always think we will have time and these assumptions make things even more sticky, because life is a lot shorter than we'd like to admit.

With age I have become so much more careful with my time. It is much like money where it must be spent wisely and this is a great first step. As with any circumstance, we do what we can. We sneak it in here or there but I've certainly stopped pouring my time into proverbial glasses that aren't half empty or half full, but cracked and draining! All the metaphors!

The "whens" and "as soon as's" are just so daunting, but nonetheless a part of life. Much like our children asking the never ending "why" and our need to say "no" we all find a way to make life work with balancing time, energy and all the things.

There is no sure fire way to find all the time, and there's no good answer for the question of when, especially not that of "as soon as...". But we are here and we persist. Life is wonderful and exhausting and, for me, it comes with these points of "Oh my gosh when would I find that time?", that I can rearrange and better align my life so I CAN find the time. 

No one "Does it all!" Okay, MAYBE Oprah! But we need to do what we can, day by day, and make an effort to find the time and answer the question of when, more simply. If we can tell a child when she can have a toy back, we can tell our husbands when date night is. We can find all the time we need, when we need the time with our people. Make it work, readers!