The Disney Days

One of the most magical things about living where we do in the colorful, lawless swamp of Florida is we are only about 90 minutes, give or take traffic, away from the happiest place on earth, yes, Walt Disney World. When my daughter was turning 2 and was still free admission at Disney, my sister in Oregon insisted they come down and be there for her first visit. Thus started 3 more years of Disney magic, memories and adventures.

In Florida, residents can get a pass and pay on it monthly like any other bill. This gets them into Disney whenever, depending on the pass level, includes parking and they get additional discounts. If you use it enough it definitely pays for itself. This was like a challenge to us; we wanted to get our money's worth!

We had some of the most amazing times those few years. Oddly enough the Disney trips were always the bright spots when our family was going through our worst emotional and mental times. There was a 6 month period of time when we went every other Sunday and told people we were attending the United Church of Disney. It was a fun thing we always looked forward to.

Some days the trips were for the kiddo. Some days the trips were for mom and dad, depending. Ironically no matter how annoyed we were with each other, no matter how stressful life was, we managed to put all that behind us and just get incredibly lost in the magic of it all. We would watch the other families and the ones that came from far and wide and feel grateful that Disney World was in our metaphorical back yard.

My daughter always loved meeting the characters. My husband and I loved the whole "Tetris" scheme of fitting in the character meets between fast passes and rides and navigating the parks. We had it down to a science at one point where we knew how to pack food and snacks, how to pack water and where and how to buy treats when necessary. One treat was always the Mickey Ice Cream bar and there was a 5 month period where my daughter managed to get one free each time we went. I think she was just that cute.

We were that family that couldn't have a bad time at Disney. We always saw one family at Disney just irate and miserable and it always made us a little more grateful. We always pushed past our exhaustion for the fun. We had more patience at Disney than we did on any other day, and we always made sure each one of us got to do something we wanted that day or overnight.

We found favorite places to stay, ones that were only okay, and made amazing memories and have wonderful stories to tell. We've been without passes almost 2 years and I'm itching to go back. What can I say? I'm a Disnerd.

In my childhood when everything was sucky, my dad took me and my best friend whose life was equally sucky, if not moreso, to Disney World and we still hail that at the best trip ever, until we took all of our girls there 2 years ago and made dreams come seriously true.

I'm really missing it lately and I don't know why. Things are so calm with us. We are on a strict budget and kicking butt. The reason we stopped was because we couldn't afford it at the time, but also my daughter wouldn't try any of the big kid rides and point blank told me she was too impatient to wait to see the characters. We've been on a hiatus and I may cave as a Christmas present to myself. 

When we had passes we had so many family members say they didn't know how we could go all the time. It was pretty easy because we made it a bunch of mini-vacations. During that time we couldn't afford flights places and didn't have paid vacations so little overnights and adventures were all it was about to get is through the year. We made the best of what we could and we always made each other laugh. Something about that theme park atmosphere that took all of our anxieties and put them to good use in being organized, thoughtful and productive.

When we were able to take my best friend and her 3 daughters to Disney in 2017 we literally made it a dream vacation and did it well. They had the best time ever and it will forever be a memorable adventure. I'd never felt so happy being with a bunch of people at Disney. We all had our fun and rode coasters and traded who rode what with whom, and where people sat. We laughed and made fun of things, played games in the line and just had a blast.

I think Disney is just a fun place for us. It's our own little get-away and we have fun being nostalgic and living in the magic. We love the shows, the rides, the characters and the food. I think Disney is our escape back into our childhood but with our kiddo right there so we can all be silly and happy, no matter what else is going on. 

I'm sure other people feel this way too or it wouldn't be such a popular spot but I definitely miss our Disney days. Now we are too busy to Disney it up, or maybe we just need to get it together enough to get it back into the routine. For now I look back at the memories with love and smiles knowing we'll make more at some point. I'll definitely be the first one to crack though. 

Just A Wish

My husband and I have been wrestling with the ferocity of our six and a half year old daughter lately and one of her current things is saying, "I wish I could..." Then, of course, I say "No" in total mom fashion, and she always retorts with , "No mom, I just WISH it, I'm not asking for it to happen."

I give her props because she technically isn't asking but has conveniently crafted a way to still ask for something without asking somehow. It is both obnoxious and impressive all at once. We're in that, "Mom, mom, mom, mommy, mom, mom, mom!," phase of daily life. We're also in the arguing is a new form of breathing routine. This too shall pass.

I hate being the mom that stomps on wishes but she's at the age now where she needs a little reality. I can hear my father's words uttered out of my mouth on a regular basis to chilling degrees now. "You eat what has been prepared for, like it or not." "We don't need to waste water/electricity/resources." "Those things cost money and we don't have enough for x,y,z." Sometimes I love that she knows these will be the responses. Sometimes I wish I could be the mom that didn't care about stuff like that, but I try to raise her to understand being frugal, grateful and aware.

When she says the whole, "I just wish," stuff, I try to be more gentle with my resounding "no." She often says this about wishing she could sleep in our room or get around some rule. She's too big for that now and no one actually sleeps when this happens. She wishes for a girl dog, well, keep wishing; she already has a dog and most kids don't. She just wishes for lots of toys? Ask Santa and we'll see. She wishes for extra dessert? Keep wishing while you eat your veggies.

I definitely never want to squash her hopes. She can hope and wish as much as she wants; that's what childhood should give you, but finding that balance in disciplinary boundaries gets more intense as they get older. Getting kids to listen, that is rough too, as they also need to feel heard.

Don't get me wrong, she is hopeful, fun, happy and she cracks me up. She's the light in my life and the best thing I've ever done, but parenting has daily, if not hourly challenges from time to time. Last weekend was a rough lesson in being more rigorous in guarding her and not getting too caught in the peer pressures and wishes of others. I have to do what's best for her as her mom, no matter what anyone else thinks.

Like me, my daughter needs a lot of down time. She's an active, go-to kid and she plays hard. She needs to rest hard too. I personally wish she wasn't as sensitive to this stuff as I am, but she is my kid after all. I'll keep the wishing theme going strong here!

I think the hardest part about the wish phase right now is that, she's old enough for a little more reality but still young enough that I don't want her to lose her whimsy. Last night she asked me about kid-nappers and people coming to get her and I didn't sugar coat it. I said, "Sometimes people can do bad things, but we need to not talk to strangers and if you feel you're in danger, go find someone you know. Go tell someone and you'll be okay." I then told her that anyone who tried to hurt her I would kick in the face, which made her laugh and lightened the mood. 

I wish I didn't have to bring her into the harsh light of the day at times, I wish she could stay little, innocent and trusting, but we all have to grow up at some point. Unfortunately some do so sooner than others. At the end of the day, even if it ends up in an argument, I always thank her for telling me her wishes and feelings. Even if it's a subversive way to ask for something else, I tell her I like hearing from her and love when she talks to me. I wish she would do that forever.

For now I'll let her wish as much as she can because as Disney has so ingrained in us:

And now I wish you all a happy weekend!

The Clothing Purge, Podcasting And Predicaments Of Free Time

I have been podcasting daily, mostly catching up on my favorite, "ArmChair Expert" with Dax Shepherd. I've started some kind of strange spring cleaning thing, without having watched that "Tidying Up" thing on Netflix so I'm proud of me for not needing that, and tomorrow I will have an excess of "free time," that I am slightly anxious about how to handle. Let's get this Friday going!

I had stared at my closet often this week just kind of looking at things, mostly in disappointment. It wasn't that I didn't have enough or that I wanted a shopping binge, which is odd for me, as for many years shopping was indeed my cardio, but rather I just had so much I didn't even really wear. 

Oddly enough I remembered each occasion for which I bought stuff and so much of it, I just don't have the reason to wear it more than once. Church is way less church-y in terms of dressing these days, and I don't go out to dress up worthy functions so these dresses my mom decides I must have are very unnecessary. I used to wear dresses to work, but I'm way more comfy in my expanding obsession with leggings. 

I just kept looking and asking myself, "Why do you have all of this when you wear almost none of it? Some of it looks old and raggedy too! Just get rid of it!" So I started to fill multiple bags with things and it was freeing. 

Last year I passed on dresses to my nieces because, while I always donate to St. Vincent de Paul, I wanted to know who would extend their love to gorgeous, quality clothing, for another fashionable round. I do have one of those bags for them awaiting a box also. 

My next project is purses. I have so many beloved Betsey Johnson bags but I rarely switch out purses anymore. My current one is a good year and a half old now because I rarely treat myself to "unnecessary" things. It's time for them to move along as they are just collecting dust.

As far as podcasting I haven't found many that really resonate or keep my attention, so I've stayed with the familiar and am just playing catch up. I heard a snippet from an installment called "No Feeling is Final," which was a telling introspective of someone's depression and internal battles that was so amazing but I couldn't find the installment in it's entirety so it fell short. I tried some NPR ones and they are also lacking for me personally. The crime ones are okay but I much prefer a kick ass documentary.

The free time predicament is so new and strange to me. I guess we're entering that stage where I will be able to do more things now. I saw some meme about not having kids with the intention of never being around them, we're meant to watch them grow blah blah, but can we face it please? Both the children and parents need a break from each other every once in awhile and it's okay. 

My daughter is 6 and I think I have spent in total, maybe 8 nights away from her? And they are almost exclusively her being away from the house with like her dad on a Disney trip, or a sleep over with family when we travel. It's kind of crazy.

Tomorrow she will be at a day camp for like 9 hours. I never have a day to do whatever I want with space to clean or go for a long walk or work out or nap. No truly, I never have an ENTIRE DAY. I get a few hours when the husband takes her to a party solo or when I go out with girl friend but a whole day? And on top of this, the husband is working his last day of a 10 day stretch so, I honestly don't know what I "should" be doing. It's kind stressing me out!

I had written a post about do I be social or do I just do whatever I want and how I should spend my time but now it us upon me and I'm like huh...seriously, besides work out and clean...what do I do?

I think this week has been a mental wrestling match for me with a lot of time to gather my thoughts and kind of, position myself for certain things to unfold. I don't just mean that in reference to the last season of Game of Thrones, by the way, but in general. I've been working a lot on my self care, new routines and figuring out a lot of really personal things, so I think the podcasting, the purge and the unknown "to do list" of free time issues are a reflection of that. 

This week has been pretty...okay. It's been relatively calm and with good strides in most avenues, I will admit. Sometimes the calm makes me more unhinged than the chaos, as I've also divulged previously. I consider every baby step in the right direction, at least a STEP in a positive direction to say the least. On the eve of an unknown day I just plan on tackling today, and then this evening as well as I can, and then moving on from there.

I've felt grateful to all you readers these past few weeks and especially in taking the journey with me. We're going to keep this momentum going. Thank you all so much for your time and commentary. Happy Friday!

Birthday Parties...Worth Every Penny If You Don't Have To Clean Up

My daughter is 6 days away from her 6th birthday and this is my infinite wisdom: I will always find the money for a party, because I don't have the energy to host 20 kids in my house or to clean up after it all. Paying for a party is worth every penny, in my humble opinion. 

My friends hosted Luna's 1st Birthday, I miss them all dearly as life has torn us away from each other, but they gave her a perfect Hungry Caterpillar 1st Birthday. We sang to my daughter, and she cried. She also did not like getting messy with the cake. Overall though, complete success. 

Luna's 2nd Birthday had my sister and brother in law fly down here to take her on her first Disney adventure. I was most excited to have the perfect excuse to go to Disney. Luna just wanted to climb on everything. She could care less about the rides. Birthday number 3 had this same theme. We partied at Disney and she had an amazing time.

Birthday number 4 we took my mom to Disney and stayed at an epic resort, but it was stressful. We got rained out our last day and went to the theater to see Moana. That was my favorite part, getting to see Moana.

But 5? The big 5 was the first, real party! Not only did one of our best friends fly in for her actual birthday so the day of her actual birthday she was spoiled rotten, but she had a Doc Mcstuffins themed Bouncy House Birthday Party. I get all of my birthday ideas from a mom who's son is a year older than my daughter and she picks the best places to have parties that aren't over the top. She gave this one a good review so, I followed her lead. So we went to the bouncy house place and they all had a blast. And I didn't have to clean up anything. They even served all the food.

Age 6 happens next week, and it comes with all new demands. It's a My Little Pony birthday at The Bowling Alley. She got to choose 10 kids to invite. On her actual birthday is dinner out, a big event in our household as I'm usually too cheap to go to most restaurants. And then she's been very specific on gifts.

Parties can be stressful. My husband and I have suffered a couple of those class birthday parties where you invite the entire class and we agreed, "Nope, not for us." My mom had me do those types of things and for a couple years, the kids that were most mean to me showed up and faked being nice for most of the party, but then complained at school on Monday about everything the party wasn't. I'm not doing that whole charade, not me. I also refuse to fake being any specific type of mom in public. I'm just me, take it or leave it. The party is about the kid anyway.

For the invite list we insisted it consist of kids that she sees and enjoys on a regular basis, not just school friends. We also trimmed it this year so as not to break the bank. A lot of the list includes parents I know well enough to be able to just enjoy the fun of watching these kids play.

Birthday parties can be so stressful and they shouldn't be. You're celebrating a little person. And we've been to all different kinds of parties, parks, aquariums, at people's homes, at play zones too, and every party is different. I've found that the ones that aren't at some kind of play place or party zone, are often chaotic and exhausting, but you just have to show up and go with the flow.

There's one tradition for parties that I'm not a fan of, and we don't participate in: the group gift opening. What kids want to watch their friend get all the toys? It's not a baby shower with cutesy stuff, it's a bunch of toys from other kids. Every time I've been to a party where we watch the gifts open, I hear like 5 kids screaming, "I have that one too!" Or, "I want one of those! Why can't I have one?" So we collect the presents, thank everyone, pass out the goody bags, and off we go. We let her rip everything to shreds at home and usually send pictures to the parents to show them what a hit it was.

For me, every penny spent where I just show up with a cake and call it a day is worth it. No clean up, no stress. I love it! Last year the worst part was putting together the party bags but I had reinforcements. This year, it's just waiting for the RSVPs to roll in. It's hard to get real head counts because life is so unpredictable with kiddos. 

For those moms that host these adventures in your homes, and make everything, more power to you! You deserve a medal! I don't have the mental capacity to pull that off but I greatly admire anyone who does. I always hope we can just escape to Disney for some family time, but that's just me. Maybe I'll take myself to Disney for my own birthday!

Musical Mom Moments

I'm that weird breed of person that music can legitimately alter my entire day and mood. I will listen to the same song on repeat for like an hour if I think it's awesome and it speaks to me. I spent hours of my childhood reading CD inserts, learning lyrics or just listening to the albums over and over to memorize everything. I can now remember those lyrics perfectly, the artist that sang them, and have a good idea of when they came out, but usually can't remember why I just walked into that room. Because motherhood and adulting rock.

I've been making my daughter listen to music since she was conceived and, very much like my parents, have ingrained in her a sense of epic eclectic taste. Another perk that I have, that my parents never did, was due to my 90's childhood, I know just about every pertinent Disney song by heart and often learn all the new ones too. When Moana came out I put that on Spotify immediately and tortured my daughter with "You're Welcome," on a regular basis. We still fight about me singing.

Lately she asks to listen to just "radio." Last week I was singing every 80's song and she was like, "Why do you know all of these? Seriously, Mom?" Why? Because the songs are epic and I am awesome. To me, music is life. 

Ironically, I never successfully played an instrument to where I actually learned it. Flute was like 4th grade maybe? Piano lessons 6th grade. What did I do? Voice lessons. Consistently. And then choir in high school. Sadly, I was never in a school-produced musical because the only year I tried out, I did a dual audition with a girl from my grade school that I had won out all previous solos to, and I was not picked for the musical because she was in the one last year and I was not. Politics man. P.S. she was not better than me, sorry not sorry.

Okay, back to the music. So music gets me through everything so I've passed that onto my daughter for sure. When Spotify came out, what everyone else hates that I thrive on is, you make your own playlists. As dumb as this may sound, I always wanted to be the person that collaborated on soundtracks in Hollywood. I always loved to collect movie soundtracks and used to think "Oh no, I would have put that song!," because I LOVE making playlists.

When I first started Boot Camp our trainer used to have this challenge of "Make a playlist and we'll alternate it in weekly." Challenge accepted. Even one of the grumpy older guys always asked for mine. Why? Because I rock, pun intended.

My daughter learned quickly that not only did I make her a Disney and Movie soundtrack playlist, but she could ask me to add things to it or remove them. Car rides became an adventure. There are certain songs I could never get sick of, and that even applies to Disney songs, but the "Life is a Highway" cover from the Cars soundtrack? Yeah I don't have to listen to that one maybe ever again.

What's funny is that the music my parents "tortured" me with is now what I listen to in random times of discontent. In 2018 I avidly rocked some Dire Straits, which my dad had on often through my parents divorce. It oddly hit me in a completely new way while going through a really crappy place personally and I had one of those, "Oohhhh,  I get it!," moments. 

I have a friend that claims he doesn't "Like the Beatles," and I said, "You mean they aren't your favorite thing like you wouldn't choose to put on Abbey Road for a drive home or you like turn them off on the radio?" He explained he just thought all the songs were dumb. I honestly had a moment where I was so afraid I may not be able to speak to him ever again. IT'S THE BEATLES! 

Now full disclosure, in my teen years I longed to be a Punk Rock Princess. I saw the movie Almost Famous when I was 17 or 18 and got so depressed I was born in the complete wrong era and that those days were over. But then I discovered live music and my best friend had a band that I supported blindly and they all got me into punk and I totally loved the loud and sometimes poetic lyrics. Most of it I just found fun.  

The Pacific Northwest is an amazing place for music. There was an intense Punk following and the Indie movement was huge when I was living there. Strangely I loved both. So one weekend I was avoiding the mosh pit at a NOFX show and the following I was at Rilo Kiley at some no name club wishing I could be Jenny Lewis when I grew up. My mission was concerts. I collected concert experiences and found epic bands because of it. And now have great stories!

As a result now I have the most random, and weird collection and taste for music you could ever think. Despite being endlessly teased, my favorite band is none other than Hanson, yes, MmmBop HANSON, although they are so much more than that, I can teach you! With that said, I also love Dashboard Confessional, Reel Big Fish, Foo Fighters, Death Cab for Cutie, The Decemberists, Flogging Molly and way too many others to list!

My daughter tolerates most of it and some of my tastes have rubbed off on my husband, who will always follow me to any performance involving The Decemberists or Jenny Lewis but has only been dragged to one event involving Hanson. 

I totally wish for my child to grow up as obsessed with music as I am. So even when it drives me nuts all she wants to listen to is the My Little Pony Soundtrack, I totally let her rock that over and over because it's what she loves most right now! 

I think music is very underrated in terms of healing abilities because I will say that in my darkest moments, when I've found a song or album that speaks to me and makes me feel "gotten" and less alone, it relieves so much stress. 

Music is such an amazing gift and one that I feel goes unappreciated. Sure not all music is "good" or noteworthy but if one band reaches one person who needs it that day? Mission accomplished. I hope everyone has a favorite band, no matter how embarrassing, and that they find music to be therapeutic and amazing. My days can get infinitely better with the right soundtrack. So what's on yours?