Busy Saturdays, Borrowed Bathing Suits and Bad Texts

I'm going to be completely real...I'm exhausted from an epic day. We had horseback riding lessons and then a birthday party hosted by some of our most favorite people.

I'm insanely sensitive to new friendships. I very much test the waters, but some people, you just completely mesh with instantly. And those are the friends that hosted the party. There were other friends there and just tons of fun including bouncy slides and a pool.

My daughter's horseback riding instructor said, "You guys are so busy Saturdays!" This is factual. My daughter spent 5 hours swimming and taking pizza slice breaks while mommy indulged in deliciousness of every avenue also.

The highlight was my friend got me to borrow a swimsuit and get in the pool. I told my friend's daughter verbatim, "Miss Ali is not a pool friendly mama." I'm admittedly a horrible, horrible swimmer. To, once again, quote The Princess Bride and Andre The Giant, "I only dog paddle." I can keep myself afloat, that's it. So my daughter knows how to swim, much better than her mother.

Also, I hang out with notoriously "Hot moms." Moms that have tan, gorgeous figures with non-mom boobs or still breastfeeding boobs, and whose only traces of motherhood are cover-able stretch marks or weird new veins, so I'm not one to pool hang and bathing suit up among the glitter-ati. My amazing mom friend has like 50 bathing suits and insisted I get in with her. She tried last year...she failed. I kinda owed her.

So I squeezed myself into a busty one piece and did okay. I was impressed actually, with myself and I got major points from her, so also a win. Going outside of my comfort zone is kinda big and I totally got all in, in more ways than one.

So we meander home. I need a shower. The kid is bathed. I need to do laundry and run the dishwasher. The dog is fed and walked. But I got the bad text.

After a day like today, my ability to rationalize and be less dramatic is completely lowered. With exhaustion comes mania sometimes, whether I like it or not. So my husband sent me a "We need to talk," text after being fishing all day and my mind was quick to hit the negative fast.

We need to talk texts are EVIL! I assume the worse. No one ever texts "We need to talk...because I bought you a new puppy." Or "We need to talk...I want to bring you dinner." That just always has bad juju on it.

After I called him, he calmed me down saying that we just need an adult convo to deal with adult things, but still..ugh, bad texts. I'm currently binge-ing Parks and Rec getting ready to put myself into the shower and wash off the day, whilst fantasizing about food. 

I wish I had some cool, insightful thing to write, but that is not of today. Thank you all for reading and Happy Saturday!

The Birthday Blog...34 Is HERE!

So I'm 34 today and this entry will be short and sweet. I took the day off. I slept in until 7, took my kid to school, grabbed a late morning workout, came home and showered and am about to run errands and then treat myself.

The birthday love on Facebook is awesome, and I'm so grateful for all the texts. Today I just wanted everything to be chill, and so far, so good. 

My hubby did pretty well, he made my favorite dinner from his restaurant, he got me a small cake, and a new book by one of my favorite authors. I was able to relax and enjoy last night and my daughter "threw me a party."

I'm grateful for some much needed chill time, and even more grateful for cake. Today I'm opening the forum for comments about future post suggestions or what you'd like me to write about. So comment away while I enjoy the day! Thank you all for reading and I'l be back to normal-ish length posts tomorrow.   

Last Day Of 33, Whatcha Got For Me?

On the eve of my birthday, or as I have been referring to it this year as, "Just Tuesday the 26th," while of course saying goodbye to 33 and hello to 34, I'm almost forced into some reflection so just bear with me.

I remember last year going to an amazing concert with some of my favorite people around this time of year, running the St. Patty's 5K and I think there was ice cream cake. Not to mention, my mother's annual forced upon new fashion or a shopping trip with her. This year I am opting for as much calm and quiet as possible.

My daughter has promised me a "boutique" of flowers and as much as I didn't want to correct her, I did and told her she meant "bouquet," and I hope to snag some time to myself, a novel idea in motherhood.

I will say this, 33 has been a huge year for me personally in terms of growth and strength. Last year at this time I was still settling into things after surviving one of the worst Christmases of my lifetime. I was trying to scrape things together and stay positive, but I was feeling really hopeless and utterly alone.

This was before April, and in April my life was completely turned upside down in every way and I didn't handle it well. March, and especially my birthday, was the beginning of the chaos. At that time, I was still in a place of fight or flight and I was faced with having to support choices I didn't agree with, but sucking it up "for the greater good." It wasn't my best start to 2018.

This year has a much different vibe, more positive and affirming, and I'm proud of and happy with that. After a horrible April 2018, in May I took my life back. I really stood up for myself and my daughter and redefined our family norms. It was a bit rocky through September but we are still building, and growing. So this year, I'm just ready for 34.

Birthday wishes are great, but I no longer feel they are some kind of required barometer for a friendship or an attention level anymore. I feel grateful when someone remembers to text me, let alone remembers something as trivial as a birthday. I won't feel "forgotten" because people have lives and any relationship is complicated and scattered at times. Not getting a nod on a Facebook wall or a text the day of won't break my birthday or get anyone in trouble.

There aren't many years of my 34 on earth that I can recall the kind of strength and growth that I've manifested, especially over these last 6 months, so I want to celebrate that, more than anything else within the birthday. As an only child, my mom cannot help herself when it comes to making it a "thing," no matter how much I beg to just have some ice cream cake and call it a day. My husband gets annoyed I ruin my own requests by buying myself the stuff I need instead of waiting for him to do it for me.

I've decided that Jenny Lewis' new album "On The Line" was released as a birthday gift to me, as she is my spirit animal and one of my most favorite artists. She also starts her tour tomorrow, in Indiana unfortunately, but I can rock from here, regardless. I've been replaying her album as part of my reflective time because she usually writes and records all the feels I need, and somehow exactly when I need them. So, little things like this I consider part of the celebration.

For 34 I want continued growth, strength and bravery. I want to become less and less afraid to stand up for myself in every situation. Ironically this past weekend I had a recurring nightmare about still working in a place where I was made to feel intimidated, inferior and where my needs and requests were consistently ignored only to wake up disgustingly grateful that I'm no longer there. I'll take that as a good sign that I'm in a better place.

Also this weekend my family seemed to master "the chill," of which I am completely the worst. We did some household chores and some necessary upkeep, but we were lazy and watched too much TV, ate what we wanted, had a family sleepover, slept in and just bummed around. It's not something we indulge in often, even though it is necessary. On top of that, I had good conversations with favorite people about struggles and growth and about how we just need to face certain things head on anymore. We're too young to take it for granted and too old to mess around, and I think those two are interchangeable.

So 33, what else have you got for me? I'm ready for more with 34 and yes those all kinda rhyme in weird ways. Maybe the corny, dorky stuff comes with age too. Here's to growing up!

Your Thirties Are For Saying No To Everything You Got Away With In Your Twenties

With a birthday looming, I'm starting to reflect much more. Does that just come with age? This is also our 10 year mark for moving to Florida as of July. So here I am, getting all philosophical and introspective.

The amount of adulting and growing up I've had to do the past few years is actually kinda unfair, but I maintain I'm better for it. Your twenties are for partying, credit card debt, adventures and working hard specifically so you can play hard. I remember working 6 days a week between two jobs, drinking every night and Sunday sleeping until noon, mimosas with breakfast, beer with lunch, bed at 10 and back at it again for another week, and that was tame compared to most others I knew.

By the time I hit about 26 I was feeling less and less into that kind of party and was way more interested in hosting people for dinners, drinks, and hang out sessions. I liked lunches out and buying new home items. Parties were reserved for concerts and some weekends depending on paychecks.

For me, I feel like the worst of adulting came with parenthood. I really thought I had it planned out and things would be okay, but that's the thing about life, it takes it's own route, doesn't tell you it's changing, and sometimes you can barely scrape together to find a path, let alone decipher the "way you should" go.

In my twenties, concerts were always a yes, no matter how far the drive and if I didn't have the money, just swipe my credit card, the money could happen later, the concert was happening regardless. Between my husband and I, our credit cards were very much well known and accepted anywhere. While I felt the burden of that intensely, it took a lot of work to undo that frivolity, but I wasn't unwilling to do it.

I worked diligently on fixing finances to the point of being unfair and obnoxious. I still feel humiliated having to say "no, we can't afford it," to a lot. The difference from my twenties to now is, I prefer to stay in my real, live, grown up house, whereas I never wanted to be stuck at my apartment when I could be out spending money and living life. My thirties are for being frugal so I can take a vacation that involved leaving Florida.

As if I'm not feeling old enough, this is the last year of the Vans Warped Tour with a huge 25th Anniversary festival in both California and New Jersey. I must say that when I saw that line-up, I wanted to cancel both trips we were planning this year and just take myself to both for one more foray into being a Punk Rock Princess before my retirement from my festival concert days.

Warped tour was my first festival-type show when I was 18 and came with all the stories, swag and was the beginning of my love affair with live music. It was always fun to bounce between stages, get bumper stickers, shirts and leave for home broke, dehydrated and sunburned with bags of memorabilia, ringing ears, and dirty Vans or Converse. Plus there was always a Taco Bell run at the end of it.

Despite my years as an avid Warped Tour addict, some of the big bands I've still never seen. Between both coasts, they are all on there. Now, I know some of you have bucket lists that include seeing different countries and cities, and mine does somewhat, but I have Bucket List Bands. Most of them are now un-affordable, unattainable or unfortunately dead. But when I saw that line up I wanted to take out a loan and just go!

Alas, now that I'm in my thirties I say "no" instead of "let's go." Often this makes me feel lame but lately I've had a better appreciation of what comes with this stage, and for me that's peace and security. Peace and security have been just a dream like those items in stores in New York City where you have to ring the bell and look put together enough to be allowed entrance. The employees could see me, and I was drooling at the peace and security, all shiny on display within the window, but I couldn't get near it. There was no access point for me then.

Being allowed in the shiny security and pretty peace store is even just a recent feat, so I tread lightly. I am definitely incredibly and cautiously optimistic about how far we've come but also appreciative of the journey.

My twenties were fun, filled with celebration and simple problems. My late twenties, my entrance into parenthood, and quick steps into my thirties have been existential. It's been really rough, but also rewarding, leaving me with still a ton of work to do, which I'm not unwilling to participate in.

I do feel like family life makes me say "No," more often than not and the exceptions are few and far between. We bend the rules occasionally but have been far more vigilant about staying the course. To those of you who walk on the wild side and just firmly believe that everything will find it's way and work out, feel free to share that wisdom with me because I suck at it.

I think I've always had no choice but to grow up early. I was violently shoved from my American Girl Doll days of dressing them up and listening to Hanson to having to figure out all walks of life on my own. Navigating social aspects was tough at times, I was super naive and simple, but I definitely had my teenage rebellion under way when the time was right.

I did however, strive for my independence. I wanted to work and go to school so I could have what I wanted and cover what I needed. Defining want and need was what changed quickly between my twenties and thirties, but I think that change was for the better. Now I know the times we need to "splurge" and "live a little," and the ones where we need to be more frugal. Okay maybe lately I just always think we need to be frugal but still! It's a work in progress, I'm a work in progress.

As I'm inching very slowly towards the next stage, and the next age I just feel aware of so much that my twenties were built on that just does not fly now. Some of it is frustrating and unfair. Some of it is affirming and kind of rejuvenating, because I know that I'm in a place where I can say no. Growth game strong!

For the first time, in a very long time I will say this, I'm pretty okay with where I am. I have my bills paid, no exorbitant debt at this time, we have plans for end of year vacations looming, and I can still get a coffee from time to time. I know there is savings and retirement kind of things happening and I have high hopes for some new appliances. There will always be unexpected things, and saying no is way more common now than it was a decade ago, but sometimes saying no is okay, or so I've explored previously.

So, I toast to being close to another year of being okay with saying no to all the stuff I easily got away with in my twenties, and to being even more firm in my thirties, I'm enjoying each new stage, no matter how difficult. Although, if anyone wants to send me to Warped Tour, that I would say yes to!

Birthday Hangover and Super Bowl

We survived the big birthday! And I think my daughter has a serious hangover from partying too hard. Today we even had a little more birthday mania with a trip to Build A Bear, excuse me her FIRST trip to Build A Bear courtesy of a friend. Her mind is effectively blown.

Me? My house is a glorious mess and I'm in one of those weird calm states where I know I just can't do too much about it so, bless my mess.

Now we kind of just await the game. Football for me has always been more of a social thing, rather than like, something to watch. In high school girls go to the games to hang out with guys and meet up with their friends and talk. In college you were supposed to support your college team because college football is weird. I went to one game.

For the Super Bowl my reasons are threefold: Junk food, commercials, and halftime show. Sure the game is fun too but let's be real. It used to be beer/food but things have changed a bit in my old age, so here we are.

The birthday hangover has been rough, I'll admit. She's been pretty cranky and sensitive today but with my dad here and a visit to church, she's been a little less crazy. Birthdays are a big deal and she's still reeling from all the fun.

I've tried to explain the Super Bowl to her a few times but I lack any non-lame way of explaining it well, perhaps because to me it's an excuse to gorge on Doritos and laugh at commercials instead of an actual sporting event.

I've always admired real football fans who get into it but the only sport I ever truly got attached to was Tennis and a little of Basketball. Basketball I LOVED to watch in high school. It didn't hurt that 2 of my cousins were basketball stars in our county so I got dragged all over to cheer them on. It was so fun.

Tennis I actually played well and I'm not a sporty person by any imagination. Football was just the thing that happened before the dance and a place to find guys.

So on Super Bowl Sunday while I'm surrounded by family, many things I should be doing and no energy to do them, I'm kind of joining into the Birthday Hangover mode and just chilling out. My daughter is currently bug catching with her dad and I'm listening to my pug howl over my shoulder and some random neighborhood dog he can't even see.

I'm ready for the game and for more family time for sure. Enjoy the game! Drink responsibly and have a great weekend. Thank you all again for your patience as life catches up with me and feel free to email me and comment on requested topics and fun entry ideas!

One Month In And Tonight I Barely Made It

I'm a month into my year of posting successfully! I'm pretty proud of myself right now, if I may say so. And tonight I really just want to go to bed, but we had a big epic day. So I shall recap for my readers.

This morning was super Saturday filled with Birthday fun. My dad is in town, Luna had horseback riding lessons, her birthday party and a birthday dinner with our closest family. We did it!

Horseback riding was amazing. She did so well, like, you can see all my money going to a fantastic place. She listened so well and earned a cupcake!

She had some down time after with a real lunch and then I did some errands and picked up the my little pony cake. She put on her fancy dress and let down her hair and we were off.

The birthday party was at the bowling alley. Nine children bowling was the most hilarious thing ever. What gorgeous chaos. So wonderful to watch and take in. After pizza and cake we hit the arcade. Then we gave out party favors and came home. 

We brought a little friend home with her to play. This was my best idea ever because she immediately had fun that didn't involve us getting ready for company. It was time to get ready to host dinner. And my husband was making my favorite: tacos.

Whenever we have company he cooks for like 100, never for the number we will actually have. We also are never on time. Whenever I tell someone to come over, I think we'll eat within 30 minutes of arrival. It's almost always over an hour. 

We ate tacos, more cake and we visited with what we consider our Florida family. After this day I feel exhausted and blessed. We had all of our favorite kiddos with their parents there to celebrate the big 6. We had family over to visit and celebrate this growing child of mine.

Now it's crawling towards 10PM and I just want to crawl into my bed. So thank you all for a first wonderful month of my journey. Tomorrow I will have the capacity to enjoy more writing, probably during the Superbowl and after cake and wine, this tired mama will be heading to bed soon. Until tomorrow readers! 

Big Birthday Stuff - Mom's Day Off

It's Luna's 6th Birthday! And here is what that all means for my day.

I took today off. My dad just arrived last night and this morning I dropped off Luna at school, a rarity, and went off to adult. You know you're an adult when you take a personal day from work and you're like, "Oh I can go get the work done on my car!" Nothing like dropping hundreds of dollars on your car on your daughter's 6th birthday but life is life. It just happens.

I also have to take a treat into her class at 2PM, and then pick her up from aftercare around 5 for presents from Grandma. Then tonight is dinner at Red Robin, per her request and dessert at my husband's restaurant, Chocolate Mousse. This is a busy 6 year old day.

I made the mistake of buying a singing balloon...but it is also kind of hilarious. I wanted to be ridiculous and buy her this huge, her-sized my little pony balloon but of course I would have had to drive to the next county to get it. So in comes the singing balloon one. My husband picked up the balloon first in a series of errands and got to hear the balloon sing almost non-stop for the drive. This morning Luna decided she had to punch said balloon to cause the singing. Eventful morning indeed.

When it comes to birthdays, I don't get too crazy. My husband has few memories of anything remotely awesome birthday related. My childhood before 10 was filled with epic parties and themed wrapping paper and cakes and everything. I totally had a Toy Story cake when the first movie came out. But because my husband's birthday experiences were lacking, he always feels like he has to make up for them.

I just like making her feel special. Her grandma bought her a new dress and off she went with her "Birthday Girl" headband to class. She was all about it and I loved just being there to see her shine and walk into school announcing it was her day. 

When I thanked my bosses for the day off yesterday they said, "Of course, you deserve it." I've never had a boss tell me it was okay to take a day off and that I was deserving. I'd always been made to feel guilty or forced to make up for it later. It's making today all the more enjoyable.

So this is my daily blog post and it's not that exciting. Why? Because. Today is about family and celebrating my tiny one. Today is about someone else. Tomorrow I can go back to longer-winded diatribes and all the things. But today, when 6 years ago I had just pushed out a baby, I will relax and enjoy things because dammit, I do deserve it. And so does Luna!

Last Day Of Five - All The Feels

Tomorrow is my daughter's 6th Birthday, thus making today the last day of her being 5. This whole age five thing has been an interesting ride, I will say.

She is fierce and strong-willed, which is a love-hate thing. Some days I am just in awe of her. Others, I get so mad that she's exactly like me.

The other day we had a face-off that was one for the books. I said, "Now go brush your teeth and go pee before we leave please." Her response, "Um, yeah I'm not going to do that unless I can watch Doc McStuffins on your phone in the car for the drive." I saw red. WHAT!?

This kid could be a negotiator one day. She seems to have a plan of attack and well thought out reasoning for everything. I think my favorite part of 5 was watching her become such a little person though. During some very dark and trying times she would actually reach out to comfort me and when she got frustrated with me, she'd call me out, which was both amazing and infuriating all at once. 

She grew into her own and has more independence. It's amazing. Dressing herself (it never matches but I could care less, it's just adorable), bathing herself, feeding the dog, walking him a bit more, putting things away on her own. She thrives.

She's learned to read and compare words and have real discussions with me, more than "She was mean to me today and I'm never talking to her again," or "He called me this or that name!"

She was the most fun for Christmas ever. Totally into it and so engaged for the entire thing. It made the holiday so exciting and fun.

She has manners and knows how to hold her own in social situations. I've loved seeing her independence evolve. I still have those moments where the memories of her as a baby come up on Facebook and my heart hurts but I love this stage more I feel.

I wasn't the biggest fan of infancy honestly and once we got to 4 and 5 I knew how to do things with her instead of feeling like we had to be more carefully involved in certain things. We can go have adventures now!

I'm not that mom that gets teary-eyed often about her growing but I try and let her know I see and appreciate her doing new things and being more "Luna" than before. She's such a trip and of all the things I've done, she's by far my best achievement and reason for life, without a doubt.

So we're entering the next age tomorrow and I'm so ready, or as ready as I can be. I'm thinking this year we do an epic road trip and she starts being my date to some weddings. I think we'll try some better beach days, new parks, maybe some pottery painting and craft classes. We are going to enjoy all of 6.

I'm still not ready for crazy sports schedules, sleepovers and too much time away but I'm ready for this next walk of life with her holding my hand because it's not going to fit in mine the same next year. Let's do this!

Birthday Parties...Worth Every Penny If You Don't Have To Clean Up

My daughter is 6 days away from her 6th birthday and this is my infinite wisdom: I will always find the money for a party, because I don't have the energy to host 20 kids in my house or to clean up after it all. Paying for a party is worth every penny, in my humble opinion. 

My friends hosted Luna's 1st Birthday, I miss them all dearly as life has torn us away from each other, but they gave her a perfect Hungry Caterpillar 1st Birthday. We sang to my daughter, and she cried. She also did not like getting messy with the cake. Overall though, complete success. 

Luna's 2nd Birthday had my sister and brother in law fly down here to take her on her first Disney adventure. I was most excited to have the perfect excuse to go to Disney. Luna just wanted to climb on everything. She could care less about the rides. Birthday number 3 had this same theme. We partied at Disney and she had an amazing time.

Birthday number 4 we took my mom to Disney and stayed at an epic resort, but it was stressful. We got rained out our last day and went to the theater to see Moana. That was my favorite part, getting to see Moana.

But 5? The big 5 was the first, real party! Not only did one of our best friends fly in for her actual birthday so the day of her actual birthday she was spoiled rotten, but she had a Doc Mcstuffins themed Bouncy House Birthday Party. I get all of my birthday ideas from a mom who's son is a year older than my daughter and she picks the best places to have parties that aren't over the top. She gave this one a good review so, I followed her lead. So we went to the bouncy house place and they all had a blast. And I didn't have to clean up anything. They even served all the food.

Age 6 happens next week, and it comes with all new demands. It's a My Little Pony birthday at The Bowling Alley. She got to choose 10 kids to invite. On her actual birthday is dinner out, a big event in our household as I'm usually too cheap to go to most restaurants. And then she's been very specific on gifts.

Parties can be stressful. My husband and I have suffered a couple of those class birthday parties where you invite the entire class and we agreed, "Nope, not for us." My mom had me do those types of things and for a couple years, the kids that were most mean to me showed up and faked being nice for most of the party, but then complained at school on Monday about everything the party wasn't. I'm not doing that whole charade, not me. I also refuse to fake being any specific type of mom in public. I'm just me, take it or leave it. The party is about the kid anyway.

For the invite list we insisted it consist of kids that she sees and enjoys on a regular basis, not just school friends. We also trimmed it this year so as not to break the bank. A lot of the list includes parents I know well enough to be able to just enjoy the fun of watching these kids play.

Birthday parties can be so stressful and they shouldn't be. You're celebrating a little person. And we've been to all different kinds of parties, parks, aquariums, at people's homes, at play zones too, and every party is different. I've found that the ones that aren't at some kind of play place or party zone, are often chaotic and exhausting, but you just have to show up and go with the flow.

There's one tradition for parties that I'm not a fan of, and we don't participate in: the group gift opening. What kids want to watch their friend get all the toys? It's not a baby shower with cutesy stuff, it's a bunch of toys from other kids. Every time I've been to a party where we watch the gifts open, I hear like 5 kids screaming, "I have that one too!" Or, "I want one of those! Why can't I have one?" So we collect the presents, thank everyone, pass out the goody bags, and off we go. We let her rip everything to shreds at home and usually send pictures to the parents to show them what a hit it was.

For me, every penny spent where I just show up with a cake and call it a day is worth it. No clean up, no stress. I love it! Last year the worst part was putting together the party bags but I had reinforcements. This year, it's just waiting for the RSVPs to roll in. It's hard to get real head counts because life is so unpredictable with kiddos. 

For those moms that host these adventures in your homes, and make everything, more power to you! You deserve a medal! I don't have the mental capacity to pull that off but I greatly admire anyone who does. I always hope we can just escape to Disney for some family time, but that's just me. Maybe I'll take myself to Disney for my own birthday!