I have been avidly podcasting for almost a month, with good results. It's easy for me to listen at work, especially as something I can pick up and put down at will. However, I got derailed from the norm and missed a few days of listening, and now feel like Andy in Parks and Rec, as shown above.
Ironically I have been re-watching Parks and Rec. I'll just blame that for now.
Yesterday I was just so tired. I didn't sleep well Monday night and I'm embracing this detoured path, pouring support into my husband's new job position and attempting to keep up my house, all while trying not be the worst mom ever.
Monday night I felt so accomplished. I got the kiddo and myself fed for dinner, walked the dog, ran the dishwasher and vacuum, and even steam cleaned the living room, dining room and kitchen! All on a Monday night! Go me!
Last night I was fighting a migraine and it won. I put on a 90 minute movie for myself, inhaled a huge salad, let my daughter watch Barbie on Hulu and was in bed with my child at 8:30PM. We read a super short book and I accomplished nothing but an early bed time. Not my finest Tuesday.
I realized this morning that, yes I needed the rest, but tonight I have a bunch more stuff to do and dinner by Netflix isn't conducive, so I need to pull it together.
I haven't been reading as much as I need to. I need to snap that back into gear tonight too, as the results of that little nightly routine were so very helpful to my day to day. The negative results I see and feel from any form of laziness, just aren't worth it.
So I'm getting over this hump day by planning to conquer it on all levels. My workout game hasn't been deterred much but I need to bring it all on the home front to combat just how crazy my husband's schedule will be for the next few weeks.
I'm grateful for a lot right now. I'm pushing myself to stay positive. The strides I have made, I've given myself a pat on the back for, and I'm not letting things get in my way. I'm still Pinterest-ing like a boss in my free time as well, which I find helpful when I need some good quotes and perspectives.
I've realized that I spent so many years doing everything that now that I've delegated some things, and have to return to me doing everything, if only for a short period of time but still, it's overwhelming. Ironically there are some people I wish I could share the mania with, but I know wouldn't be a helpful supportive ear, but instead would let me go back to lame coping mechanisms instead of willing me to conquer. It's only now that I can admit that and am awake to it.
I find myself wishing happiness for others a lot more, especially those people who've fallen off my grid. I find myself thinking of others' struggles rather than my own as I'm getting used to more peace and less chaos.
My husband said something about the general attitude of things being more positive when you take away a negative ruling force, which we both have had quick changes on. You get used to staying in murky waters when it's all you feel you have to navigate within. It's funny how when you have your way cleared, you can see more, shine brighter and dare I say, even thrive.
It's like the Mario cloud. I recently used this analogy with one of my best friends:
We all remember that little dude, who throws things at you when you're just trying to level up? My goodness the metaphors! I might go on a tangent. You been warned!
How well could you do with that little cloud following you and thwarting you, right? You had to outrun and outsmart it, while getting as many points as you could in between. Then you had figure out how to get on top of him and squash him! He was not welcome!
When you have a person, a place, or things that loom over you like the little Mario cloud dude, how well can you do? How much can you progress? This speaks on levels, pun intended.
Sometimes you don't even realize it either. The clouds just appear and you're not too upset about the gray, maybe you think it's not that bad or you can still stay positive. You gotta be fully in the sunshine before you realize the gray isn't what's good for ya!
We're coming up on 10 years of life in Florida and when I get a hard time from the family about moving away from the great state of Oregon I reiterate that I just wasn't made for that much gray and rain. I also have come to deeply loathe the cold. I was made for the sunshine state. Don't get me wrong, as a ginger I burn quickly in that gorgeous sunlight, but I thrive here!
I didn't realize how depressed I was and how seasonally and regularly in Oregon, until I lived here in the sunshine and was like "Wow, I'd really have to commit to being completely sad because even the storms pass in 20 minutes." It's too bright to be sad, in my opinion. In Eugene, it is gray like 9 months out of the year I swear. And that is some cold, cold rain. I love to visit Oregon in the summer, more than anything, but I'm good in Florida the rest of the time.
These realizations have been hitting me a lot lately. Wait, is that what the cool kids refer to as "Woke?" Damn, ANOTHER realization! What a wisdomous Wednesday.
Anyway, I'm crazy grateful for being woke right now haha! That feels so weird and wrong to type. I don't think I can actually pull that off.
I'm just happy that I saw the negative throwing me off, and now am taking things back. It's not easy. It will take day to day determination, but here I come. I'm channeling some season 3 of The Office Pam vibes! Watch out world!
No comments:
Post a Comment