I Love When My Kid is Sick - In A Non-Creepy Way

I literally had a conversation last weekend with a fellow parent, a dad even, and we agreed that when our kids are sick, we kinda love it. This isn't some psychotic creepy love of sickly children. We just love when they really need us. They want to just snuggle and be calm. They ask you for what they need, there is no time or energy for a tantrum about anything, and they are crazy sweet. So I don't love when my child is sick in like a Munchausen syndrome by proxy way, but more like, they finally slow down and just chill with you.

This is my Sunday, and on days like this, which I'm fortunate enough end up on weekends more often than not, I get a lot done around the house but also get time for myself to reboot. She's allowed to literally watch endless television and the dog is happy cuddling all day with someone. 

It's so funny how things work out. Usually when she's sick I go into panic mode of "I can't miss work!" But, I actually can. At my current job I'm lucky enough that I never get punished for missing work. It's pretty refreshing. Friday I just felt off and was allowed to leave work early. I literally got everything important done before I left. Everything else can usually wait and I feel so appreciative for that.

I cleaned most of the house and it's 11:15AM on a Sunday. I'm already back in my pajamas after a quick grocery store run before my husband had to go to work. I went through all of my daughter's toys and got rid of a bunch of stuff she didn't need. I reorganized a bit. I purged some stuff. I may even go through her clothes and rotate out some things today. I have some sewing that I've been neglecting also.

It's weirdly refreshing when you have time to tackle things. Of course I'll leave steam cleaning the floors last because that I just an annoying job in my opinion. However, it's nice after the week I had to have this kind of day today.

The next week has a few different kinds of anniversaries for our family and can have a lot of emotional baggage, but I'm going at them with all the positive vibes. It's so weird how after everything this weekend, and feeling so ill, and now having a sick kid, I'm somehow in this freakishly optimistic mood. Like I'm just not worried or stressing, but just happy that things are coming together.

I've made it six months of posting and Friday marks the first day I actually missed. I'm proud of that and even though two more posts will be missed shortly here, I still am impressed with myself that I haven't lost out to anything else. These are important moments. Truly. 

So, with laundry to fold, purging to do, bathrooms and floors to clean, I go forth onto this Sunday ready to rock. 

Moving From Florida To Oregon...Opposite Of What We Did

This month marks a decade of us living in Florida. Does that make us Floridians? Yesterday we said goodbye to some good friends that are moving from Clearwater to Portland Oregon. Ironic; insanely ironic.

I was listening about the excitement, new job opportunities, and being in such a beautiful place and I felt so happy for them. And I realized that we did that for ourselves, on our own and are finally settled into it.

I fell in love with Florida when I was 14. The ocean, the restaurants, the beach shops, and it was warm and sunny. The thunderstorms only lasted 20 minutes and life looked so pretty. My residence with my mom from 16 to 17 literally only lasted a year so I felt like I got robbed of my time testing out Florida. 

When I was forced back to Oregon it didn't bother me. Temperature-wise Oregon was so much like Pennsylvania so it didn't phase me. I loved the hikes, the coast and the culture though. I loved the University of Oregon campus and fell head over heels for COFFEE on the west coast. I had a lot of family there. It was a new home for sure.

Oregon is beautiful. I think I'll end up retiring there when I've saved enough money for the high heating bills I will have to sustain comfort. Turns out I have thyroid issues that make me unable to deal with the cold, no seriously. I also had a hard time with the seasonal depression stuff. 

I listened to our friends list their reasons for being happy to move and I sat in confidence remembering I had the same kind of list for Florida. It felt oddly gratifying. I don't regret moving. I never have.

When I had my daughter, it was really rough but some of that was due to other issues within our household, it wasn't just feeling far away. Don't get me wrong, I miss SO MANY PEOPLE, very dearly, but I like being on our own. We've kicked and screamed and fought our way to where we are but we're on the way to a better, more stable place.

I also felt some positive affirmation because I wasn't envious or jealous of people moving on and moving up and progressing in their lives and careers. I was genuinely happy that these friends were excited about a new slate, and a new place. That made me feel like I've come a long way personally.

I'm also selfishly happy, which I admitted to them, because we have more friends for my daughter in Oregon when we come to visit now. Regardless, we had a good day with good friends for a goodbye, and I appreciated all of it, especially the food.

It helped me realize that everyone has different phases, different choices, and most people will operate opposite of us, but that doesn't mean it's a negative thing. I think we all make big choices, big changes and work hard at completely different paces. What we did a decade ago and what friends are experiencing now doesn't make one better than the other, it just inevitably brings us closer. 

I don't think it's a coincidence we befriended them. I don't think any of it wasn't meant to be. I know we were meant to be exactly where we are, no matter what we had to endure to get here. So in life we have our opposites and our hurdles but we still keep kicking. And I like knowing, on this lazy yet productive Sunday, that whether you move from East to West or West to East, whether you're opposite or the same in things, we're all just making our choices and doing what we can for our families and our lives.

What A Day Of Rest Can Do

Yesterday my poor daughter was sick. No crazy flu, no high fever, just a run of the mill cold. I was honestly surprised no one called me Monday because she was definitely on the decline and Monday night she slept horrible. Wait, let me correct, WE slept horribly.

After 9 days in a row of kicking restaurant rear, yesterday my husband was off. So, they had a lazy morning. However, we had a new washer to procure mid-day so I had to do the afternoon shift of sickie care. I am blessed enough to have amazing bosses who never shame me for my mother status and totally understand sick days, so leaving halfway through my day was not an issue, even a little bit.

My daughter demanded she have sausage so I stopped at the store and then went home to release my husband to get our new fancy washing machine. While he was gone my daughter took like a 3 hour nap. She doesn't nap anymore, especially voluntarily. That's how I knew she was off.

She didn't perk up until almost 7PM and then started showing signs of life and normalcy but I'm telling you, it's kind of impressive what a day of rest can do.

Rest is such a foreign concept to me, which is probably why once every 3 to 5 years I get taken down with some foreign super flu, feeling like I took my healthy life for granted and writing drug-induced living wills on paper towels as my body works against me. Kid are often under-estimated in terms of how much rest they really need.

I don't think it's any surprise that well rested children would listen, learn and play better than those lacking in those areas but I've never felt any shame about bed time, or letting my kid watch TV in her down time. Every parent has the panic of the negative affects of screen time. I get it. However, we live in a world increasingly dependent on those technologies, as a parent it's just our job to control how much and what kind. And every single person will be different.

I've advertised often that we watch subtitles with everything now. Guess what? It has helped our daughter learn to read! Just the other day she noticed the difference in the spelling of flour and flower in a show she was watching. Some kids don't relate as well.

For me, TV time is a restful thing. I love tuning into a good series or old series, even in the background as comic relief. My daughter is much the same. Also, kids are so insanely busy now. We have two back to back birthday parties this weekend and this is after horseback riding lessons!

I don't remember being busy, except maybe for a sports season. I also don't remember not making it to bed at reasonable times. I don't remember play dates being scheduled either. I do remember having to figure out my own entertainment, and it wasn't just the television or video games.

Now that weekends are just as packed as weekdays when do we rest? You're supposed to on the 7th day, but then again, we have to get up and go to church more often than not. Usually by Sunday at 5PM I prefer to be in my pajamas and done peopling and I want us chilling in comfy spaces and eating popcorn. I feel like this is tantamount to readying us for the week.

Yesterday my daughter asked me to play with her, and I said, "I can get some toys out but you really need your rest to go back to school tomorrow." I knew she was sick because she didn't argue and was content binge-watching the likes of Barbie, Pixar movies, and Doc McStuffins. Even after her long nap she slept like a champ and woke up sassy and ready to go.

In the time that I had off with her yesterday I finally cleared our dining room table which is forever a "throw stuff" and creative art space. I filed a bunch of things that had piled up on the file bin to be dealt with. I ran the dishwasher and started the Robovac, I cleaned up a few other areas as well. Not restful, sure, but productive. I was also able to sneak into the gym for the workout I had missed that morning.

It was a good reboot from her being sick, for the whole house. My husband was able to sleep in and decompress from work stuff. The dog was happy to have his humans around instead of being alone in the house. It's kind of cool what a day of rest can do.

We forget to rest too much. We put our bodies and our minds through the ringer too often, but after you get that elusive rest it's kind of nice to look back and think, "wow that was completely worth it."

I don't know why I don't allow myself that more, as I always make room for it, if not force, my child to. Hubby knows his limits better, I guess, and will rest when he's at his max for sure. I kind of assume the dog does all the resting for me, but perhaps it's time to take his cue and better explore more of exactly what a day of rest can do. Maybe Sunday!

Sunday Is Really Just Monday Eve

I've successfully been a heathen about a month now. I've taken a church hiatus; it happens every so often. Mostly out of exhaustion, but right now I'm just going through some stuff, and while some find solace within church walls, for me it adds to the confusion. So I've just been taking some space.

It can be hard to explain but my daughter and I are similar in our wavelengths when it comes to hitting our social-ness walls. We're so good at planned and routine activities, but every so often we need to just do our own version of way less, and kinda just "be."

I tried to be that mom that planned the play dates and activities this weekend but it was a good lesson for both my daughter and I that, things can turn on a dime. Time to adapt. She had a melt down earlier and it was warranted but I quickly tried for a "Plan B" of sorts and was able to get her back on track. She is now exhausted in front of Netflix.

It's recently been discovered that my comfort zone is just watching TV and that's how I relax. In this day and age if you aren't watching 14 series on all the streaming at once, you're out of the loop. It can feel just as overwhelming as the rest of life. I've found my ways to integrate all the things without compromising too much of myself but it's definitely a balancing act to say the least. 

Sunday has really just become Monday Eve. For me it's all about "before the week kicks off," down time. I'm sure that is the way it was designed and laid out in the bible, but it's funny we seldom find it feasible. I even still have some basic cleaning things I "should do." Knowing me I will push it off until next week because I might end up feeling the weight of things to come.

Sunday in this house is usually the only opportunity we have to choose to "sleep in." For most parents, "sleeping in" is for teenagers and college students. There is always an animal or child that wakes you. For me, sleeping in is waking upon my own volition, meaning without an alarm. Sunday is the only chance I have of that. Every other day is scheduled and regimented. So planning to get up and go on Sunday can cause me a lot of stress, turns out my daughter revealed slightly the same sentiment and today we slept in.

Sunday around 4PM I turn into a pumpkin. It's a countdown to Pajamas. Dinner and bed time is always pretty early and if I can get the dog out for one more round before we all just collapse, I feel accomplished. There is also always laundry and likely a few more chores. But to me it's a count down and at the strike of 8PM all must be quiet on the home front. 

Starting the week off right is huge for me. I feel like it can set the tone. With Sunday as just the day before Monday, it's so important for me to feel capable of starting the routine again. I've had to adapt a lot lately, and so has my daughter and sometimes I feel like I can see, like very visibly see, the wear and tear it has had on us. 

Sometimes, okay often, I feel like a bad mom. When I finally got my home as just mine with my mother in a separate space and my very own first house, I stopped pretending we all had to do everything together. I have a TV in my room, and the living room one is shared among us all but is usually overrun by my daughter. I don't often watch hours of My Little Pony sitting there bored. Mostly I'm doing chores or working on things in my room with something I want to watch in the background. 

I'm just one room away and I just refuse to sit there with her when she doesn't even care. We watch Disney movies together, and I've watched an episode or two of her favorite shows but I let her "binge-on" and enjoy. I feel it's no worse than kids playing hours of iPad and everyone is allowed time to veg out, especially right before the week starts.

On weekdays, she doesn't get any of her own shows. Sometimes we have TV on in the background but she doesn't get to watch any movies or shows of her own. We have set routines and I make sure we follow as much as we can. I'm fully aware that some day sports and such will derail any plan I could have, so I enjoy the calm while I can.

Mondays through Fridays are just so darn busy, and with Sunday and Monday eve it can feel like the calm before the storm. What is the phrase now? "Sunday scaries?" I think that's the scare before the impending week, perhaps but I'm not down with the cool kid lingo so I'm unsure. Sunday is when I feel the most likely to self care. Saturdays are often still packed and busy.

So here we are on Monday Eve. I had the most "Monday-est" Friday there ever was, a productive and fantastic Saturday and Sunday has been outdoor adventures leaving me to sit in my bed and type this while listening to the kids Netflix profile bark from the TV in the living room. I have laundry to fold, dinner to prepare, some spot cleaning to do, and I desperately would love to snag some more down time. 

On this Monday Eve, I say this; self care on a Sunday is tantamount to some of us functioning well from week to week, so tread lightly with those of us that seem more "lazy" on these days. Everyone is on different wavelengths and if you find someone on a similar one to you, vibe with that well, as I've work diligently on with my daughter. Send those check in texts if the week took over and Saturday came and went. Sundays are the perfect time to reboot for the week ahead and it's easier to reach out before Monday sweeps you away.

Lastly, it's okay to not be okay, as one of my favorite people so gently reminded me this week. And taking space in your own way is also okay, just don't live there for too long, this world and your tribe needs you. So happy Monday Eve. May your last hours of the weekend be gentle, and prepare you well for another week!

Last Day Of 33, Whatcha Got For Me?

On the eve of my birthday, or as I have been referring to it this year as, "Just Tuesday the 26th," while of course saying goodbye to 33 and hello to 34, I'm almost forced into some reflection so just bear with me.

I remember last year going to an amazing concert with some of my favorite people around this time of year, running the St. Patty's 5K and I think there was ice cream cake. Not to mention, my mother's annual forced upon new fashion or a shopping trip with her. This year I am opting for as much calm and quiet as possible.

My daughter has promised me a "boutique" of flowers and as much as I didn't want to correct her, I did and told her she meant "bouquet," and I hope to snag some time to myself, a novel idea in motherhood.

I will say this, 33 has been a huge year for me personally in terms of growth and strength. Last year at this time I was still settling into things after surviving one of the worst Christmases of my lifetime. I was trying to scrape things together and stay positive, but I was feeling really hopeless and utterly alone.

This was before April, and in April my life was completely turned upside down in every way and I didn't handle it well. March, and especially my birthday, was the beginning of the chaos. At that time, I was still in a place of fight or flight and I was faced with having to support choices I didn't agree with, but sucking it up "for the greater good." It wasn't my best start to 2018.

This year has a much different vibe, more positive and affirming, and I'm proud of and happy with that. After a horrible April 2018, in May I took my life back. I really stood up for myself and my daughter and redefined our family norms. It was a bit rocky through September but we are still building, and growing. So this year, I'm just ready for 34.

Birthday wishes are great, but I no longer feel they are some kind of required barometer for a friendship or an attention level anymore. I feel grateful when someone remembers to text me, let alone remembers something as trivial as a birthday. I won't feel "forgotten" because people have lives and any relationship is complicated and scattered at times. Not getting a nod on a Facebook wall or a text the day of won't break my birthday or get anyone in trouble.

There aren't many years of my 34 on earth that I can recall the kind of strength and growth that I've manifested, especially over these last 6 months, so I want to celebrate that, more than anything else within the birthday. As an only child, my mom cannot help herself when it comes to making it a "thing," no matter how much I beg to just have some ice cream cake and call it a day. My husband gets annoyed I ruin my own requests by buying myself the stuff I need instead of waiting for him to do it for me.

I've decided that Jenny Lewis' new album "On The Line" was released as a birthday gift to me, as she is my spirit animal and one of my most favorite artists. She also starts her tour tomorrow, in Indiana unfortunately, but I can rock from here, regardless. I've been replaying her album as part of my reflective time because she usually writes and records all the feels I need, and somehow exactly when I need them. So, little things like this I consider part of the celebration.

For 34 I want continued growth, strength and bravery. I want to become less and less afraid to stand up for myself in every situation. Ironically this past weekend I had a recurring nightmare about still working in a place where I was made to feel intimidated, inferior and where my needs and requests were consistently ignored only to wake up disgustingly grateful that I'm no longer there. I'll take that as a good sign that I'm in a better place.

Also this weekend my family seemed to master "the chill," of which I am completely the worst. We did some household chores and some necessary upkeep, but we were lazy and watched too much TV, ate what we wanted, had a family sleepover, slept in and just bummed around. It's not something we indulge in often, even though it is necessary. On top of that, I had good conversations with favorite people about struggles and growth and about how we just need to face certain things head on anymore. We're too young to take it for granted and too old to mess around, and I think those two are interchangeable.

So 33, what else have you got for me? I'm ready for more with 34 and yes those all kinda rhyme in weird ways. Maybe the corny, dorky stuff comes with age too. Here's to growing up!

I Live For Lazy Sundays

I think most moms would agree with me that life is just way too busy. Any single chance that I have to curl up in bed, watch too much TV and decompress, I'm there.

Sundays are often filled with church, which I do enjoy, but it's a total of 45 minutes to an hour drive and means rushing in the morning to rally the troops. I rush Monday through Saturday, because Saturday we have horseback riding lessons, and I'm the one who gets up first, gets everyone up and going and make everyone stay timely. 

So if we can stay home on a Sunday, I want it filled with "sleeping in," unlimited cups of coffee in bed, Netflix, and a big old breakfast. This just doesn't happen enough. I will admit that if I could force every Sunday to be this way, I would but life happens before my big breakfast needs.

I grew up in the church. My dad was a Presbyterian minister. Most people end up surprised when I tell them that because once I moved in with my mom when I was 16, we never went to church. The only gathering place we hit up with any kind of routine or reverence was the mall.

And then when I moved back with my dad I was an angsty teenager with no desire to feed my soul with anything that wasn't Taco Bell, girly alcoholic beverages, and junk food. And my dad never forced me to go to church. Especially in my formative years.

To make things weirder, I spent a good 10 years in Catholic school because my mom went there and it was one of the best schools in the county so off I went. Catholicism was intense honestly and I don't think I ever really understood all of it, which got me into trouble in religion class. Even thought I got all A's, when I asked too many well-thought questions I was quickly silenced. 

But, back to Sundays. My husband wasn't raised going to church at all. Our first jobs we had in Florida, the only day the place was closed was Sunday, which quickly became our only day to sleep in, do anything together and reboot before another work week.

So lazy Sundays became a natural thing to us. It is, after all, the day of rest. And now with life so busy, it's a day I very much appreciate being slowed down when the time is right. And this morning was one of those perfect opportunities.

It started pouring down rain about 6AM and my daughter crawled into bed with me with a stuffy, yucky nose and said, "Mom do we have to go to church this morning? I don't want to be coughing on the other kids." Although we don't have much of a winter in Florida, this is our one cold week and yesterday was tolerable but cold rain? No thank you. That's why I moved far away from Oregon.

She just wanted to chill and binge watch Netflix and I just wanted to not rush to be anywhere. Eventually I mustered up the energy to hit the store for big breakfast necessities but other than that I've been hiding at home all day.

My daughter made a fortress from a cardboard box. I've done 4 loads of laundry. I've reorganized the pantry, cleaned some cupboards, and I might do party favor prep for my daughter's birthday next week. And the weather is perfect for all the snuggles. 

These days are so few and far between I love to bask in them when I can. Life seemingly never slows down and we're always too busy, so when days like this come around, I say no to "obligatory" things and "we should do this, that" or the next thing, and just try and enjoy each other. I'd call today a success. 

Happy Sunday readers! Back to the grind tomorrow.