“Sounds like a Country Song”…Life as I go it… “Taking the Long Way Around”

With my sisters entering their forties, aunts and uncles hitting the big 5-0 mark and my slightly senior parents inching towards seventy, I’ve been wondering lately, “When did I wake up an ‘adult?’” I don’t really consider myself or my husband a grown-up per-se, and I thought getting married was the most adult thing we’ve done but as I hear stories and updates from family, friends, frenemies, foes, and acquaintances, I can’t help but ask myself, “Am I missing something?”

As a stubborn, Irish, redhead riddled with childhood circumstances that caused me to grow up with extreme caution, hyper-organization and an aptitude for a somewhat zealous life-planning scheme, I have always done things my own way. With constant evolving ideas of my future and changes in my teen years, none of my dreams or aspirations panned out quite as I thought, so far, but I definitely have lived a life with many tales to tell, and I’m only a quarter of a century old.

First I wanted to be an acrobat, which never worked out and somehow conformed into a desire to attend college at the University of Oregon. Then my teenage years brought on an obsession with becoming a lawyer and attending Pepperdine. My sisters championed a whim to attend Berkeley, and in the midst of this I was wrestling with these ideas and ideals of how men would fit into anything I wanted.

I always wanted to get married but I had major issues with picking the completely wrong guys. After my first boyfriend completely screwed me over in more ways than one, I decided I’d be cool and live the Sex and the City life and then when I wanted a baby just ask my best friend, who happened to be a cute, gay male I once had a crush on, to be a sperm donor and leave out that whole relationship sticky-ness altogether!

Somewhere between ages 16 and 19 I ended up working towards my original childhood dream of attending the University of Oregon, landed an amazing boyfriend, somehow decided I wanted to be a music writer, worked through college as a nanny for the best family on the planet, and came to the conclusion that marriage and children could wait until I was at least thirty.

Drama, drama, drama, yadda, yadda, yadda, the entrance into my twenties was filled with tears, fears coming true, and a seemingly endless line of personal and family obstacles for me to conquer. In the midst of it, I committed to a sane relationship with my, rock, my man, my current hubby, Eben. While dating we had about 9 months apart including a brief hiatus when some best friends left us all behind to grow up and be in love, and when I spent a term in London to study and do an internship.

After all that, and a whole heap of other drama, during a 2008 trip to Florida to visit family we decided that we’d commit to spending our lives together, get the hell out of Oregon and just be together after I graduated in 2009. We moved in with my “aunt” – you know one of those family members that isn’t blood related but might as well be. We started saving and in early 2009 when it seemed like everything had turned to shit, planning our escape was the light at the end of the tunnel. Eben snuck in a marriage proposal, we planned a wedding in three months, got married in front of (almost) all the people we love for one big goodbye, good luck and moving on party to ensure that everyone knew we weren’t completely insane and we drove away in a Penske truck filled with our life and treasures towing the car that had taken us through all of our memories and then into our future!

I’m one of those people who just has to believe that everything happens for a reason. Otherwise I may have suicidal tendencies. So, in the wake of losing best friends to other relationships, losing a parent to bad behaviors and bullshit, leaving our world behind to salvage the only love I had ever truly known, losing a bunch of stuff when the car was broken into at the beginning of the journey, we just had to continue to do things my own way and take life detours to get to that new horizon.

I had a great friend tell me she admired the courage it took to just pick up and go. Most people couldn’t do it. Sometimes I look back and don’t know how we did it either…

We have family members who are having first and second children, buying and remodeling houses, getting new cars, and worried about fancy medical insurance and somehow we just missed that boat. I’ll confess that I’ve had babies on the brain lately. My body has kicked into gear and I’m feeling that I’m at my prime for motherhood but we’re just not ready.

I pretend that’s what I want but I think and think about it for hours and I think I may have missed the memo. Is there something fundamentally screwed up about being okay with a simple existence in my mid-twenties?

Occasionally I get frustrated. Some people my age have new cars, higher paying jobs with full medical coverage, predictable schedules, and holiday pay or whatever. I wonder if that’s what I should be leaning towards or looking for.

Now when I think about what I want to be when I grow up I think about moving back to Oregon, getting an awesome little house in South Eugene, Eben opening up his dream restaurant, me helping with that, freelance writing for some Oregon publications and having little, stubborn, Irish, redheaded kids to call our own.

I’ve always “Taken the Long Way Around,” like that Dixie Chicks song, that I totally love. I could never do anything like anybody else. It's my way or the high way! My best friend calls Eben and I “gypsies” because we just go and do what we want. My uncles think we are crazy and irresponsible because we live in an apartment and not a “real house.” When I hear about friends our age that used to party harder than you can imagine, spend all their money on game systems, nights out at the bar, tattoos, piercings, and concerts, are now getting married and having babies it just makes me sigh.

I can’t even imagine it! Eben and I can’t even fathom taking on a dog, let along anything else! We may be on the “short bus” of getting into this adulthood thing but I just don’t see the rush. I’d rather wait and stave off a lifetime of debt then dive into it now. What's the hurry?

Eben got the best job he could get for himself in Tampa and is working with the kind of Chef he wants to become. I got a job at the same restaurant, which is giving me the kind of experience you can’t buy, the kind of experience I thought I may never get and that will come in handy no matter what happens to us. We share one car right now and save so much on the high Florida insurance prices, which has its pros and cons, but we live simply: two bedroom apartment central to everything, tucked back into a good part of Tampa but not too expensive. We don’t buy useless stuff, we can afford to go out when we want and enjoy the luxury of staying at home and unwinding just the same. We like the simplicities of life and cherish what we have worked for and earned. So when I want babies or puppies or start feeling like we missed a spot the "grown up boat" I remind myself that we don’t have it so bad.

Yeah, like the rest of America, we have a couple thousand dollars of consumer debt, but it's from moving down here. Neither of us have school loans or school debts. We make enough money to cover all the bases. We are healthy and happier than we ever thought we could be. We have an amazing group of friends, family and supporters who share wisdom and loads of love with us. We have each other, a roof over our heads, a working vehicle and an optimism that is kind of contagious.

So, am I jealous of old Joe Somebody back home trading in his old car for a family-friendly vehicle, or of high school buddy Jane Doe being pregnant and decorating the nursery with her boyfriend? With a glass of wine in my hand on a Saturday night out with friends talking about going to a theme park or concert the next day and knowing I don’t have to get up until 10am on Sunday, I can honestly confess that jealousy doesn’t really come into play. Besides, competing with old friends, foes, or anyone else is just a waste really; a fleeting thought.

We are all loved, lucky and blessed in our own ways. And, since I’ve always done it my way, enjoyed the roads ahead and the ones I’ve left behind, I’ll continue to “Take the Long Way Around!” I’ll let you know how it is when we get there…wherever we go, there we are!

Taking The Long Way Around By THE DIXIE CHICKS

My friends from high school
Married their high school boyfriends
Moved into houses in the same ZIP codes where their parents live
But I, I could never follow
No I, I could never follow

I hit the highway in a pink RV with stars on the ceiling
Lived like a gypsy
Six strong hands on the steering wheel

I've been a long time gone now
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
But I've always found my way somehow
By taking the long way
Taking the long way around

I met the queen of whatever
Drank with the Irish and smoked with the hippies
Moved with the shakers
Wouldn't kiss all the asses that they told me to
No I, I could never follow

It's been two long years now
Since the top of the world came crashing down
And I'm getting' it back on the road now
But I'm taking the long way
Taking the long way aroundI'm taking the long way

Well, I fought with a stranger and I met myself
I opened my mouth and I heard myself
It can get pretty lonely when you show yourself
Guess I could have made it easier on myself
But I, I could never follow

Well, I never seem to do it like anybody else
Maybe someday, someday I'm gonna settle down
If you ever want to find me I can still be found
Taking the long way
Taking the long way around

An Evening with Styx

October 23, 2010 Styx performed at Clearwater’s Ruth Eckerd Hall to bring back the 80’s one note at a time. The stage setup was filled with impressive instruments and amps, something one crazed Styx fan just found to be so awesome that he told me they would sound even better than before.

Styx wasn’t just playing the hits; theirs was a set list that fans had been waiting for. This Styx tour was all about playing their early albums “A Grand Illusion” and “Pieces of Eight.” To introduce the fans to this whole thing, a Star-Wars like video intro played describing the formation and rise of the great band we all know as Styx.

Ruth Eckerd was full with Styx super-fans, some of whom even brought their children. Without an opening band, Styx took the stage promptly at 7:30pm and the crowd went crazy. They were all there: Tommy Shaw, James "JY" Young, Lawrence Gowan, Todd Sucherman, Ricky Phillips, and even their original bassist Chuck Panozzo came out to play on a few songs. They all looked like they walked right out of the late 70’s and it seemed their hair hasn’t changed much since the 80’s.

Tommy rocked the guitar and Lawrence had a keyboard stand that rotated so he could rock any which way he pleased. Todd played an intimidating-looking drum set like a pro and wowed his fans with each beat. JY and Ricky shredded some sweet solos and kept the hits rollin’ throughout the set and when you added in Chuck they had quite the guitar arsenal to blow the crowd away.

Although I’ll admit I didn’t know every song, it didn’t seem like most of the audience knew them verbatim either, but Styx made it possible for you to enjoy the show no matter what fan status you held. You could feel the bass in every song and the vocals and harmonies sounded as clear as they did on disc. When they played “Come Sail Away,” the entire audience was up singing, rocking and amped up for the rest of the albums.

The great thing about these two albums is that they were reminiscent of an 80’s rock opera or psychedelic trip, but was still completely unique. There were these strange, yet fun, hidden stories in each tune, and the members of Styx were just so committed to their music that it made for an epic performance.

They had video interludes of flipping each side of the album, graphics to go along with each song and even some pictures and footage from the late 70’s to keep the crowd’s attention. Between the two albums they had an intermission so fans could keep the beer flowing and so Styx could rest and do some wardrobe modifications.

The crowd was definitely ready for part two when Styx reappeared. There was one woman in a sequined, disco-ball-looking shirt that didn’t sit the entire evening. She danced and sang the entire night. Air-guitarists were everywhere!

Although the super-fan right next to me claimed that I could never understand the greatness of Styx and why this night was so cool, and also said I was too young to deserve to be there, it was a great experience to be had. Since Styx has pretty much hit 80’s icon status, it’s nice to see that they’ve earned the right to do what they want. On this tour, all they wanted was to give the fans what they’d been asking for all along. They ended up doing even more than that.

After they played both albums they rocked us with a Beatles cover of “I am the Walrus” and closed out with “Too Much Time on My Hands.” Sadly they did not rock “Mr. Roboto” but I guess a tour such as this has given them the right to choose not to play that. “The Grand Illusion” and “Pieces of Eight” are great albums and hearing them back to back, seeing them performed live with such enthusiasm for the work made Saturday night at Ruth Eckerd Hall an Awesome 80’s night!

You say aioli , I say aioli, let’s call the whole thing off! My Life In a Restaurant

“Would you like to try that burrito, ‘wet style?’” is a completely different question than, “Would you like fries with that,” okay? Restaurants are my husband’s whole world. I feel like everyone always wants to work in a restaurant at some point because you can make good tips. I always thought I had the personality for it but never had the opportunity.

When my husband and I take leaps we take big ones. When we moved to Tampa, Florida almost immediately after my graduation from the University of Oregon School of Journalism and Communication, and literally right after our wedding we had no idea what would happen but we knew our destination was Tampa. We had family in both Tampa and St. Petersburg so we know we wouldn’t be completely alone but we certainly had an amazing adventure ahead of us.

The original plan was to get me a job that paid the bills, get him a job that paid rent and then get my man into Culinary School at the Art Institute. 2 weeks after we arrived and moved into our new place, one week after we started looking, my husband got a job at a Sushi place not too far from home. About two and a half weeks after I started looking, I got hired at a place in a hospital that sold “medical apparel,” aka scrubs. Retail was easy for me and seemed pretty cool. We were settled into reality ready to dive into the unfamiliar.

My husband’s job sucked. That place was a health code violation and he single-handedly cleaned it up and turned it around. He negotiated himself a raise and felt pretty good. The hours were kind of tough but he made it work. Then on payday he noticed not only did he not get the raise but they had paid him a dollar under what they’d originally agreed on in the first place. His worthless boss said “I pay you what you’re worth, and that’s what your worth.” Needless to say, my husband knew better and left gracefully and angrily hoping Tampa had something better to offer.

He spent three days at home making progress on little household projects and combing the listings on Craigslist setting up interviews and applying for new positions. I checked on Craigslist one afternoon and saw something that looked awesome and promising. It was a small, family-owned Mexican Grille about 10 miles away from our place that was only open 11am-9pm and was closed on Sundays. Since the bulk of my man’s experience was indeed Mexican and Latin-based, I knew he was a shoe-in, so long as any knowledge of the Spanish language was not necessary, because he barely knew anything.

He walked in, had the interview, and was hired within 48 hours. He rocked it, and it was the perfect fit for him. He really could not have found a better job. I was sitting pretty at the scrub store and freelance writing for a local alternative, trendy paper doing music reviews and getting us into free concerts.

About a month and a half into his employment at this amazing lil’ Mexican Grille, he was already on the fast track to management and an interesting opportunity came up. The front of the house was short a person and I was looking for a second job. My husband knew I could do it and that I’d always wanted a restaurant job so he threw out my name.

The owner only had one question: “Can you work with her?” We contemplated it. We discussed it..a lot! Before our wedding, before we went through all this relationship drama and getting past it all, we couldn’t have worked together for five minutes, but this time, it felt like it was doable. So we did it.

Where my husband was in his element, boy was I out of mine. The closest thing I had to restaurant experience was Burger King right near the University of Oregon campus, which has been long closed down because we failed all our health code tests. Plus, I wouldn’t exactly call that a real restaurant job. They call it fast food because of all the short cuts the employees take to get the customers out of their faces and on their way!

I dove right into the Mexican Grille and almost ended up drowning more than a few times. The first 3 months were terrible. It was so hard and my boss and I totally had a problem communicating on many levels, leaving me to consistently come out as the bad guy, or the one coming up short. I never had any problems working with my husband. For a long time, he was the only friend there I had.

Working the two jobs was treacherous. I was always tired, never had time to do anything and Sunday was the only day I ever had off. By the time Sunday rolled around I had to do laundry, get caught up on housework and I just wanted to be with my husband. We barely had the energy to leave the house.

For six months I killed myself at both the scrub store and the restaurant. I thought I would do better to put more effort into the scrub store, since my co-workers and managers actually liked me there, than to go the extra mile at the restaurant only to end up being fired from the scrub store and be left with only the restaurant to save me.

Right after the New Year, my life at the restaurant got better. I stopped letting things bother me so much and I got into a rhythm, comfortable with my position and started getting good at my job
and finding things I actually liked about it. I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, really. Things got really bad at the scrub store after January and I just wanted to make it to my one year and then move onto greener pastures.

I got fired from the scrub store right before my birthday and the first visit we were making home to Oregon to see family. Getting fired ended up being the best thing that ever happened to me. As a great friend, Lonnie Stoner, once said to me, “It’s a blurse: a blessing and a curse.” I was down a steady paycheck but something had happened at the restaurant that very same week that was kismet, or some kind of sign.

The same week I got canned for being an ambitious scrub store salesgirl the front of the house manager from the Mexican Grille had put in her two week’s notice for leaving the company. Not only did this mean we were short an employee, but I actually had a chance to do well at the restaurant now because this particular manager hated me from the start and always had it out for me. The clouds had just lifted!

The day we left for vacation I threw myself at the mercy of the restaurant owner and told him, if he trained me to work a different position I would work hard and shine for him, I would do what he wanted from me 6 months ago, only even better.

He was skeptical, a little bit unsure but also a little bit stuck between a rock and a hard place. I was less of a gamble than someone completely new. I’d gotten this bad reputation with him as someone who was just there for a paycheck, liked to play more than work, and always had a list of excuses in my back pocket ready to get out of trouble.

Some of those had merit. The restaurant felt like my husband’s realm and I was just a small part of the whole thing, inconsequential really. I never felt like I actually fit in, and I always felt like I had far more weaknesses than strengths in this business. Also, after years of being a nanny I had become an expert at “turning on the happy” and was good at being silly. So, when things got crazy tense at the restaurant and I wanted to run away forever, I’d make guests and employees laugh just so I could laugh with them, which can look kind of bad if you aren’t in on the joke.

As far as the excuses thing, I’m a major explainer. If you start accusing me, I get defensive and I will always tell you exactly what happened, which if you aren’t in the mood to listen, sounds a lot like an excuse. There were a lot of miscommunications and misrepresentations of my comments, issues and personality traits too weighing against me. But, the boss man agreed and I was ready to move forward.

Six months after all of this, I’m actually happy asking over and over again if our guests would like to try that burrito “wet style.” It still bothers me when people pronounce the Grande burrito as “Grand” and when people emphasize the “a” in cilantro, but these are things I can deal with.
When I entered the world of the Mexican Grille and stepped into my husband’s hopes, dreams, and career happiness, I wanted to kick some major ass completely unaware of the notion that the restaurant might instead completely kick my ass. However, I prevailed!

The owner saw it in me. He knew I could hack it, and I do. I worked with an amazing team. It’s hard to mesh with that many people and often at times I feel like there is always someone on my “shit list” but I’d rather be annoyed with them than work without them.

It often is like that movie “Waiting” and I have almost freaked out on many people, and definitely have come unhinged letting out an attitude or shrill statement here or there. No joke, you don’t want to piss off a short red-head. I have days where I feel depressed and like I am going nowhere but then I think about how I built myself into the restaurant structure from nothing and if the owners want me there, what more is there.

I’ve never had a single argument with my husband about anything that happened at the restaurant. We never take that home with us, but we do complain about work…a lot! Sometimes it seems like that is all we can talk about, but then again, it’s a great thing we share.

I never expected to fit into the world of food service. I thought that would be my husband’s thing and I would just come into his restaurant one day to eat and feed the kids because I can’t cook, but now I feel like I want to work towards being a part of it. We have a great couple we look up to as perfect examples of how it all works. I’d like to think that when we grow up we will be like the owners of this amazing restaurant.

I’m not saying that this is an easy job. Anything but easy really, and there is always something to be done! But, I like my job. Ninety percent of the time I feel competent, happy and confident. I’ve met a lot of really great guests, made friends and really know the restaurant. I love working for the owners, and most days I think they like that I’m working for them. I like all the people I work with. The team is great. Sure, we clash, we annoy, we fight, we snap, we yell, we stomp but at the end of the day we are a team and having someone is a lot better than no one.

If you asked me 3 years ago, I could have never even remotely predicted my life, my plan, or my lack thereof would ever bring me here. My husband would definitely say the same. We have our good and bad days but we have a vested interest in this place, this life, this industry. Sure these jobs may not be a forever kind of thing, but we are learning things we will need to make it to forever, and we are forever grateful for the experiences and the people we have supporting us through it all.

My life in a restaurant is anything but ordinary, but then again neither are the items on the menu at my beloved Mexican grille. Sometimes I feel like life has left us behind when I hear about the things that other married couples and friends our age are doing, but then I remember that we left our old life behind to try something new, and something new is exactly what we found…and we even got more than we bargained for. At least when you live your life in a restaurant, you live life to the “fullest!”