Just A Wish

My husband and I have been wrestling with the ferocity of our six and a half year old daughter lately and one of her current things is saying, "I wish I could..." Then, of course, I say "No" in total mom fashion, and she always retorts with , "No mom, I just WISH it, I'm not asking for it to happen."

I give her props because she technically isn't asking but has conveniently crafted a way to still ask for something without asking somehow. It is both obnoxious and impressive all at once. We're in that, "Mom, mom, mom, mommy, mom, mom, mom!," phase of daily life. We're also in the arguing is a new form of breathing routine. This too shall pass.

I hate being the mom that stomps on wishes but she's at the age now where she needs a little reality. I can hear my father's words uttered out of my mouth on a regular basis to chilling degrees now. "You eat what has been prepared for, like it or not." "We don't need to waste water/electricity/resources." "Those things cost money and we don't have enough for x,y,z." Sometimes I love that she knows these will be the responses. Sometimes I wish I could be the mom that didn't care about stuff like that, but I try to raise her to understand being frugal, grateful and aware.

When she says the whole, "I just wish," stuff, I try to be more gentle with my resounding "no." She often says this about wishing she could sleep in our room or get around some rule. She's too big for that now and no one actually sleeps when this happens. She wishes for a girl dog, well, keep wishing; she already has a dog and most kids don't. She just wishes for lots of toys? Ask Santa and we'll see. She wishes for extra dessert? Keep wishing while you eat your veggies.

I definitely never want to squash her hopes. She can hope and wish as much as she wants; that's what childhood should give you, but finding that balance in disciplinary boundaries gets more intense as they get older. Getting kids to listen, that is rough too, as they also need to feel heard.

Don't get me wrong, she is hopeful, fun, happy and she cracks me up. She's the light in my life and the best thing I've ever done, but parenting has daily, if not hourly challenges from time to time. Last weekend was a rough lesson in being more rigorous in guarding her and not getting too caught in the peer pressures and wishes of others. I have to do what's best for her as her mom, no matter what anyone else thinks.

Like me, my daughter needs a lot of down time. She's an active, go-to kid and she plays hard. She needs to rest hard too. I personally wish she wasn't as sensitive to this stuff as I am, but she is my kid after all. I'll keep the wishing theme going strong here!

I think the hardest part about the wish phase right now is that, she's old enough for a little more reality but still young enough that I don't want her to lose her whimsy. Last night she asked me about kid-nappers and people coming to get her and I didn't sugar coat it. I said, "Sometimes people can do bad things, but we need to not talk to strangers and if you feel you're in danger, go find someone you know. Go tell someone and you'll be okay." I then told her that anyone who tried to hurt her I would kick in the face, which made her laugh and lightened the mood. 

I wish I didn't have to bring her into the harsh light of the day at times, I wish she could stay little, innocent and trusting, but we all have to grow up at some point. Unfortunately some do so sooner than others. At the end of the day, even if it ends up in an argument, I always thank her for telling me her wishes and feelings. Even if it's a subversive way to ask for something else, I tell her I like hearing from her and love when she talks to me. I wish she would do that forever.

For now I'll let her wish as much as she can because as Disney has so ingrained in us:

And now I wish you all a happy weekend!

The Shame Game

Mom-shaming, body-shaming, food-shaming, selfie-shaming. What are the other shames? Or do they morph into guilt? Okay, what's the difference?

Shame: a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.

Guilt: a feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime, wrong, etc., whether real or imagined.

Okay so none of these things are great. Below are the urban dictionary definitions for mom-shaming, food-shaming and body-shaming:

Mom-shaming: criticizing or degrading a mother for her parenting choices because they differ from the choices the shamer would make.

Body-shaming: shaming someone for their body type.

Food-shaming: The act of judging, criticizing, with guilt the choices of food you are eating. Whether by yourself with others.

Now we have our information for today's subject, the shame game. I had a fellow mother reach out to me about being mom shamed for a booster seat picture she posted on social media. I used to work in a place that food-shamed and body-shamed enough to create some serious mental stress about my diet and shape. Body-shaming is seemingly everywhere anymore and it's ugly, no pun intended.

Mom shaming is some nasty, nasty business and can really take the wind out of ya. I was first mom-shamed when my daughter was like a week old via Facebook messenger and from then on I just had to keep my guard up. Mom-shaming can be anything from social media pictures, clothes, diet, car seats, schooling, and so on and so forth. The thing is, motherhood shouldn't be so damned lonely and somehow in this day and age it's so easy to feel completely isolated as a mother, and there are billions of us, animals included, that raise children.

The worst thing is, that everyone has the complete and utter right to make their own decisions about parenthood and how to raise a child, and no one knows how to communicate kindly anymore. I can't tell you how many times I see a picture on social media of a kid in a car seat latched in improperly and while sure, you want to spread the safety information, there is a constructive, helpful way to do it, and I'm sorry but it doesn't come from a Facebook comment, message or text. It comes from a conversation. 

As someone who's daughter was in a horrible accident and I fully attribute our car seat safety to her overall wellness in said accident, I could talk car seat safety all day long. If I see a truly concerning example, the best I can do is say "Hey, if you have a moment to talk about car seat stuff, I learned a lot from the accident and would be happy to share my knowledge because I feel like it can be overwhelming and there's so much to think about." But sometimes, you have to live and let live and not Game Of Thrones shame walk it with people. Why? Because that sucks.

Moms should stick together and just because something worked for one, won't make it work for all. I hate that you get shamed for breastfeeding and for formula feeding, you get shamed for not doing enough or doing too much, for not letting your kids have Cheetos or for not feeding them organic. I feel like you get shamed for everything and I personally have had to take a step back and every time I want to make a comment I think about all the hurtful comments made to me about just one picture, of one moment and one judgement. Or one comment I made taken out of context that turns me into the worst mom ever.

And the mom shaming just goes with the body and food shaming. Everyone is so, so different and it's a delicate balance that just needs to be over-run with kindness and understanding. Body shaming is viral on the internet and you can think what you want about anyone, but the important reminder is to "think" what you want and keep your criticism to yourself. My grandma used to make horrible comments about "big" people that still make me cringe and my mom has always made me feel badly for my changes in size. I often wish they kept that negativity to themselves. I now keep myself close to people who support, rather than tear down, and I used to work in a male-dominated industry where the body and food shaming was rampant and horrible.

Shaming anyone is just shitty. There is no other way to put it. We all do it and have done it, whether we mean to or not. Most of the time when we have these conversations about feeling shamed it comes down to, "I wish they would have spoken to me about it...a different way." So in essence, it's not the shaming necessarily, but the way the shame is put on us that we struggle with.

When I had my daughter I got so many amazing hand me downs and one of them was some newfangled thing called a nap nanny. It was some ergonomic pillow thing from someone I babysat for that her one year old was too big for. I posted a picture of my sweet girl asleep and had a wife of a co-worker Facebook message me about how the big ass pillow had been recalled and she'd hate to see my baby die from being on that pillow. I lost my shit and told her not to tell me how to parent. I was so upset.

As a new mother I wasn't equipped to handle that kind of criticism and concern. My husband immediately said I over-reacted but for me it was like, you don't have a kid, I don't leave her unattended in the death pillow and it's not hurting anything so leave me alone. Then I got rid of the pillow after losing sleep over it.

If that woman had called me and was like, "I think I read that the nap nanny may have been recalled, do you want me to look into that for you in case it has important information?" It would have been a whole different thing. Sometimes it's all about tact, and the WAY we are approached about delicate information. It's also just not our place to comment on every little thing all the time. If you know someone well enough, you'll know how to approach them if you're concerned. If you don't know how, maybe don't do it. 

The Shame Game is a no-win in my humble opinion. Every ugly round of the Shame Game, I just try and come out a bit more kind and considerate because it can really be a huge mental blow. There will always be someone who makes rude comments about your body, your food, and your parenting, but I don't wish to stoop to that level. If I have a true concern about health or safety, I work hard to find the tact to navigate it well. Good intentions are great until they manifest in not-so-good ways. 

At the end of the day instead of the shame game, I wish we would just Golden rule it anymore and do unto others as you would have them do to you. Because as someone who's withstood lots of shame, I never want to shame anyone else, and wish no one else does either.  

Trigger-y Things, Illnesses And No More Apologies

I found this the other day after church, right before everything went upside down, and it still rings true. Now we can go back to how the story of my unravelling weekend.

You may have noticed I seemingly dropped off the face of the earth. Being sick can do that to you. So I'll tell you about my last 4 days and we'll go from there.

Saturday was poised to be an epic day. We had horseback riding lessons and then a birthday party 5 minutes from our home with some of our most favorite people for a fantastic day. It was lightly overcast and they had a pool. We were in! 

Saturday was kind of a perfect day, honestly. We were in great company. I was comfortable and relaxed. I loved the vibe and the tribe and was truly having fun. My daughter took awhile to kind of get in and get comfy but once she did, she wouldn't budge. We were there all day for a total of 8 hours of fun. I tried to leave earlier, and it didn't work, because we were just having too much of a great time.

We got home and crashed wonderfully and hard, with Sunday plans on the horizon as well. Normally after that kind of Saturday I would have insisted that we stay home and recuperate, but I was already having early coffee with a friend and I felt like I had to make an appearance at church.

Read that last sentence again. The weight of "get yourself to church," was so intense lately. Admittedly it was about 90% self-imposed, but church life had been a struggle. With my husband working 6 days a week, and now Sunday being one of them, church just hadn't factored in. With my personal struggles and refocus on my family life, church just wasn't a priority. But this Sunday, I put my best foot forward and said, "Okay, let's go." 

I walked in and got the guilt immediately and just tried to power through. The sermon, however, was super trigger-y for me from the previous week. I had recently acknowledged my recent weight gain and discomfort and had gone insanely full blast into double work outs, closely watching what I ate, and making sure I was mindful about everything. The sermon was pretty much about what you put into your body affecting your spiritual life. I had a hard time with a lot of it because for me it was far more complicated than that.

I got the gist, I totally understood all of it, but it's all so much easier said than done, and also didn't have time for the consideration of mental health issues, and addiction issues, in my humble opinion. I come from a place of mental health struggles, food struggles, and a family rooted in addiction and these things are more complicated and all a learning experience. When I found out about my thyroid issues I did all of the recommendations for diet changes only to gain weight and feel worse. Part of my depression therapy was keeping myself on a healthy balance of sleep, exercise and food and finding ways to find joy in them all. I married a chef! Food is life! So having it all tie into spiritual wellness was outside of the box enough to just trigger weird things within me.

So, while the message was positive in intent, and a great discussion it was trigger city for this girl. Why? Because I struggle to balance it all. I'm supposed to take care of and support my family, my daughter, my husband, and my dog, all while making time to work out, stay fit, and be a model for my kid, and keep us all on track for everything in moderation and it's exhausting. Look, from time to time, I want the damned Cheetos, but you learn the balance and moderation, and I follow this with spirituality too. 

Maybe it was a trigger because I had brownies at the party, covered in icing and it was the first day all week I didn't obsess over food, only to walk in and feel kind of mentally ambushed. Maybe it was a trigger because food is a serious weakness for me. That day I didn't eat anything until about 2PM. 

We had snuck in an impromptu play date on Sunday at 3PM and I honestly tried to keep the kid eating and happy but wasn't as food-attentive as I usually am. I managed a quick grocery shop in between things too. We'd had almost no down time. By 6PM we were all feeling tired and done when my daughter found her own way to end the play date, by puking on our floor.

I'm not the mom that freaks out about this. I'm the mom that calmly cleans it up, snuggles the kid and makes sure she is comfy. Thus began our long night.

She didn't stop the every-so-often evacuation of her system until about 10PM and by 9PM I had resigned to the fact I'd be calling out Monday and snuggled her in with me, kicking out my husband to the guest room, which he gladly took over. But, at 11PM something came for me by way of stomach cramps and discomfort. Mine was seemingly less than my daughter had suffered. What did we catch? Not a single fever. Both normal temperature-d as ever. We returned to sleep until about 7 the next morning.

Monday morning my kid was ready to eat. Mommy had a slight headache. We had some toast and crackers. Things were mostly okay. When my daughter was bouncing into full recovery that's when her exact progression from the night before hit me, hard and I had to call in my husband for back-up. It was discovered we had intensive heat exhaustion and dehydration. Tuesday was "learn how to eat again" and recover day. Today is my first day back to life.

I kept thinking in the throws of pain and suffering that we shouldn't have gone to church. It was laughable irony, all that ungodly food being forced from our bodies. It was not as though that had cursed us or worked against us or was somehow bad, but just that I should have guarded us better for rest. And then I found the list above. "I don't need to do what everyone wants me to do." Just because church was a good thing awhile ago, doesn't mean I should force it now, especially if it is just too much in every way.

"I don't have to anticipate everyone's needs." It's my job to anticipate the needs of my daughter, my husband, my dog and myself. That's it. Everyone else can chill out, please and thank you. Sometimes I'm a tired mama. "I don't need anyone to approve of me." Okay we ALL struggle with this one. We all want people to like and approve of us, it's completely human. This one is a work in progress. I certainly don't want to be the red-headed heathen.

"I don't have to explain myself." This one I need tattooed on my forehead because I really don't. Sorry, not sorry. No more apologies! "I don't need to feel guilty about my boundaries." No I don't, if I just need some time, I just need some time. "I don't have to say yes if I want to say no." I need to repeat this daily because I get cornered into stuff I don't want to do, TOO OFTEN. Again, sorry not sorry.

"I don't need to feel bad for staying home." Yeah I'm not doing that anymore. My home is my haven and you can find me there, and I will no longer feel bad about choosing my safe space over anything stressful. "I don't have to over-extend myself to be enough." Oh man do I wrestle with that one too! One day at a time right?

"I don't need to feel the way someone else feels." This one was Sunday in a nutshell. I liked the spirit of the message, I just won't pretend I feel exactly the same about things and I won't pretend it didn't trigger me. "I don't have to minimize my emotions." No I do not. I can feel what I want, and so can you! 

"I don't need to pretend I'm different than I am." THIS ONE! I'm a full time working mother of an amazing child, wife to a chef who are both working so hard on their marriage, and I'm the daughter of addiction, divorce and dysfunction trying to find my way. I'm not pretending to be anyone but her. 

"I don't have to put others before myself." My kid, my husband and my dog, in that order, are the only people I might "have to" put before me, but really that is just motherhood and marriage. Regardless, the rest of the world I don't need to keep putting before me and I think I need to read and write that repeatedly.

This weekend and the two sick days put an obscene amount of things into perspective for me and I'm carrying them close beside me. I was reminded that working hard, playing hard and resting harder are way more important than over-booking and should-ing all over myself on a regular basis. I realized how far my husband my husband and I have come, just in the last few months on being there for each other. I realized how much of a mom I am, for better or for worse and I should never let my guard down when it comes to momming right, if you will.

But mostly I realized I'm too old for all the guilt, drama, and putting extra stress on myself for no reason. Life can give you enough trouble as it is, I definitely don't need to make my own. For the rest of this week, I'll blog when I can. I'll do what I can, and I'll feel grateful for where I am on the journey. I have a feeling the posts might even get better as I find my footing again. Thanks for sticking with me!

Selective Peopling...It's Not Them, It's Me

The older I get, the more I accept my introverted extroverted status in life. Look, I share an office with 2 to 5 people depending on the goings on. I'm a mother to a child that never stops talking unless she's asleep. My husband thrives with noise so there will be the bedroom TV on while he folds laundry in between cooking where the tablet is on with a cooking show some nights and then the kid watching whatever she's into for her down time in the evening, all at once. I LOVE MY QUIET.

My office always has some noise, I work in proximity to the TV/Radio studio for my company so there is white noise if you will, I like MY QUIET, which is music or a podcast I wanna watch with no one else in my ear. I have to be nice to the less than fantastic personalities I share said space with. I love my two bosses because they are busy and keep to themselves, my other co-workers, well one likes to talk too much about her cats, her bible study and her weird views on life and money, and the other one says the same cliche things to me and condescendingly calls me "Dear" to the point where I want to scream. I like quiet.

I do work with customers so I have to use all my kindness and patience with them and also with my child, sometimes with my husband. One thing I have learned: I can handle certain people, in certain circumstances, and most often mentally prep to do so, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

In wonderful text exchanges this week I realized that we all do this, purposefully or not, I'm just done pretending I don't. We have a birthday party to attend this weekend and the hosts are one of my all time favorite families ever. There will be mostly people I don't know. I can mingle and talk with everyone but by dinner, I'm going to need to hide in front of Netflix and snuggle my kid after all the peopling. 

And this is my Sunday struggle. See, church is supposed to be this peaceful place, but then I go and sometimes I only wanna engage with the people that know where I'm growing, yes growing. Sometimes I can get up the energy to just people in general, but it feels exhausting to do the "How do you do and shake hands," and put on the game face, more often than not. Sometimes I just wanna "be" and when I get the sense that the "be-ing" is going to be a task, I recoil and retreat.

I always remind people, "Keep inviting me to do stuff." It's not that I refuse to people and have fun. It's more, sometimes I'm mentally exhausted and need to do nothing. Sometimes we already have plans. Sometimes we don't have the gas money or extra money to attend things. Sometimes you're going to a restaurant I hate and don't want to have a stressful dining experience. And sometimes I just can't people that day. 

I like a lot of people in general. I can do really well in social situations, when I prep myself, but I also do well one on one. For every social exertion, in turn I need some reboot. For me, its the same as working out; everyone needs a rest day from time to time. My thing is, I'm really tired of feeling like I have to explain myself. I usually just resign to claiming, "Sorry I suck at planning right now," "Sorry I suck at this, that, xyz, right now."

I might be in a completely renewed, and healing place right now, a positive, happy place even, but that's just as delicate as when I'm navigating darkness and everyone handles their personal stuff differently. For so many close to me, I know church is their haven and safe place, but for me it is not. Growing up with a Presbyterian Pastor father but attending Catholic school can really mess up your religious views. For me, it has made me smart and cynical but also very sensitive to what church should be about.

When it comes to being around addiction, recovery, alcoholism and such, church can get very oppressive for me. In Catholic school you're sent to pray as punishment, but you're also supposed to pray that people just get "better" and "get right." There is no help when things don't work out that way, or so in my personal experience. At my dad's church you were meant to find your "Framily" you know the friends who are family thing, and take the message from the sermon, and get what you can from it for your current circumstances and learn. 

When my family was struggling most, my dad stopped "making me" go to church and let me have time to heal and grow until I was ready to come back. This is now my default when I struggle. Even in happy times, if I'm struggling to adapt and keep on growing, I need my time to heal and grow without feeling the pull towards what I'm "supposed" to do with myself. And when I go and people, and put myself out there it's a delicate thing. I have to people quite carefully. I recently let my husband in on this a little more but it's really hard to explain to people, and really exhausting to have to, so again I keep distance when needed. 

I think life is hard enough. It is exhausting with long days and shorter and shorter years I feel, and peopling is rough for those of us with anxiety and all the other things happening, in my humble opinion. I try to consider this when I interact with others, just how difficult it can all be and that other people might share this point of view with me even if they don't say it out loud. Consideration is huge and it seems to be lacking in it's consistency in this world. For those people who "get me," none of the above is a surprise and for those who don't, you may never get me and I'm super done pretending I even want to be "gotten." 

The point of all of this is that, peopling can be just as taxing as a heavy workout, just mentally so. And with mental health being merged into real discussions now, just take a moment and be kind to everyone because you never know how much peopling they can do, and what inner battles they face. Stay calm, stay patient and stay kind and remember it's most likely not a personal thing, but a peopling thing. 

Little Ears, Big Fears -- Watch Your Mouth Around My Kid, And I'm Not Talking About Swearing

I'm the least publicly opinionated person -- well about religion, politics and such -- ever. I will keep my mouth shut to avoid looking stupid about anything I don't feel fully educated on. Apparently this isn't a common trend.

I try to never judge another parent because as someone who has gone through some serious shit in my parental, personal and household life, you just never know what anyone is carrying so don't speak on it. What I do know is I have every right to not have my kid around those parents, families and children who have shown me that the way they run their household and raise they're children is so very different from my parenting goals that it may deter my child from being her awesome self.

There is one particular little girl in my daughter's aftercare and summer program that I would call an instigator, to put it kindly. To be fair, this kid has not had ideal circumstances for her life, as far as my understanding, so I take it all with patience and grace, or try. However, her mom said something so weird, and it was relayed to me by my kiddo, and although her statement technically isn't false, I just felt it should be better explained and more succinctly communicated.

My daughter said this little girl's mom said, "Sunscreen is poison for your skin." I asked my daughter to repeat and clarify. She said that the other girl's mom said the sunscreen we had was poison for your skin. Her friend corroborated. It was one of those moments where I literally hadn't the words so I said, "Well sunburn is bad for your skin too, we'll talk about this later."

Look, we live in a time where everything is bad for you, everything causes cancer and healthcare is more expensive than a mortgage payment sometimes. There is serious information overload. You WebMD and cough and wait for "cancer" to just appear and be diagnosed. This mother isn't wrong necessarily, I mean I see her point. There are some kinds of sunscreens and lotions that can have bad effects on the skin, but I'm raising an Irish redhead in Florida; she needs to have sunscreen to be allowed outside ever. I get sunburned walking from my car into the grocery store. So making this kind of statement into impressionable 6 year old ears, seems super...unthinking to me. There needs to be more tact.

In a perfect world I would have hoped this mother said, "Oh I read that that sunscreen isn't the best for your skin, you should tell your mommy to try a different brand." Or maybe even, "Sunscreen can be bad for your skin but sun burn can too so it's important to choose certain kinds and learn more." Kids over-react to EVERYTHING, so I think it needed to be more carefully explained.

It's like that scene from Little Miss Sunshine where the dad is giving his daughter the harsh truth about how ice cream has fat that can turn into fat on your body, which doesn't make beauty queens. He said it in such an asshole way, you hated him. All little kids should enjoy ice cream while they can. However, he's not wrong! There is just a better way to explain it. And that's our job as parents.

My daughter went on a 10 minute rant about Monsters being real or not last night, basically asking me if bad guys in movies and cartoons were real. She had a lot of ideas about this. I kind of leveled with her and said, most of the evil and bad stuff was pretend and didn't end up hurting anyone in the story, so she doesn't have to worry. It was funny though because she was telling me how real unicorns and My Little Pony characters are, and Disney monsters, like from Monster's Inc, those protect her, but other yucky monsters were pretend. I mean I told her that sounded okay to me. And NO ONE should correct her.

See, kids are so fantastical, that they over-dramatize everything so you have to watch those little ears and help them navigate their big fears. When she was 4 we went into the ocean on this perfect day and my daughter said, "Are there sharks in the ocean?" I said, "Yes, but not near where we are. They are way out there, not in this part of the ocean." My cousin said, "Nice lie, mom." If I told my daughter that shark attacks have happened in waist deep water in the gulf, she'd never go in. This is why my husband never tells me if he sees snakes near the house, I'd demand to move to Iceland or Hawaii.

Every parent is going to raise their children differently. Maybe some people are done with the Santa thing, but don't tell my kid Santa isn't real. Seriously I will throat punch any adult that ruins Santa for my daughter. You don't have to believe in unicorns, but we do. You can say that Disney Characters are pretend but she has pictures with most of them. And leave me in the Wizard World of Harry Potter for a day, I'll come back full wizard!

The swear words stuff doesn't bother me because she will learn to use them in her vocabulary as intended and everyone hears those words everywhere. Just a few weeks ago she said, "Mom freak is the 'F' word and we don't use it, right?" I said, "We do not use that word, no." Without a beat she said, "The other 'F' word is 'Fuck.'" My jaw dropped and I went to scold her but she calmly said, "Mom I'm not SAYING that word I'm just telling you what the other 'F' word is! I didn't actually SAY it." She had a solid point.

To me it's worse to fill my kid with info they can't quite process like the sunscreen shenanigans, than for me to accidentally swear around her. While that little girl's mom was probably crazy well-intentioned, I would just hope that other moms I know would over-explain things to get the kid to fully understand the scope, rather than just throw out commentary based on a Dateline NBC update or Today Show special. We have close friends whose children have certain gluten and lactose sensitivities. Rather than just say they are allergic to stuff, I've had many conversations with my daughter about how all little tummies process differently and while you can drink milk all day, for your friends it makes them sickie. This is so my kid can be sensitive to others, or so I hope.

If that mom doesn't like sunscreen, good for her, but I just wish people were more gentle, considerate and careful with little ears and big fears. During the election my friend's son heard about Trump's immigration stance, and he didn't understand what immigrant was fully, so he thought that just mean someone from another place or that lives in a place you weren't born. He heard his friend's parents talking about sending immigrants back where they belong, and he came home in full panic convinced his family would be separated and he would be left in Florida alone because he was the only one actually born in Florida, his parents were born in like Maryland and Ohio and his brother was born in Ohio or some such. That is what he thought it all meant! My wonderful mom friend spent the night explaining the whole thing for her 8 year old after these friend's parents had some heated political debate in front of kiddos. TACT PEOPLE! Little ears!

That's about enough for today's diatribe but it was about time, no?