The Old, Boring, Married Couple

I’m not even sure we realized it. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment, but we made the shift into the old, boring, married couple. I blame the dog.

We went through a phase a few years ago where staying home was social death. We were broke all the time because we hated our tiny, little apartment and our tiny, little existence so much we had to escape. Escape = bar, restaurant, concert, whatever! But it was never cheap! Even when we moved in with family, then we had to escape the drama that created so we were never home and we never had money.

Before the puppy, we weren’t out all the time but we generally reserved being at home for sleeping and getting ready to go out. The dog just gave us a great excuse to be at home and really enjoy some down time. Our old apartment started wearing on us, though. We hated it. In retrospect, it was kind of a shit hole, but it was what we could get, easily and fast, when we moved across the country to our brand new life. We took what was in front of us. We did a few upgrades and always tried to be the social couple, inviting people over, but we still loved going out. Who doesn't?

Now, though, things have changed a bit. We don’t have much time to go out together. We don’t have much time to do much of anything together, so we're conservative with our time-spending choices. We live in a brand new, bright space. I’ve worked really hard on making our home an oasis. The dog loves it, and we love it. We like being there, why go out?

We’ve had some personal revelations too, one of which definitely comes with age: Going out and drinking; not so worth it anymore. It’s great fun with friends and there are always nice occasions but, it’s not a necessary thing anymore. We barely even drink at home, and when we do it’s a glass of whatever or two, max. We’re not party animals. We’re lazy animals. We like to relax and watch our Netflix Instant Queue. We like to curl up with the pug and unwind. We kinda like to be left alone.

I have days where I barely even touch the computer. I’m not constantly on it looking for entertainment and distraction anymore. We have days where we don’t even use our phones to speak to actual humans, we just text. We are boring, wonderful, homebodies. But maybe that’s not so bad.

There is something comforting in being relaxed with the person you are in love with. It’s nice when you don’t have to wear make-up, or care about whether or not you stay in your pajamas all day. It’s cliché and very typical, but being that comfortable is awesome.

Don’t get me wrong, we’re active. Bike rides, jogging, using the fitness center and soon enough a new gym membership will come around, but we value our down time so much, we really make it count. I’ll spend many hours making the house spotless, all so on our only day off together, we can master the art of doing nothing. I love days with lazy mornings, late breakfasts, long walks with the dog, and watching new movies together. One crazy cleaning spree every once in awhile is just par for the course.

Sure there are those moments when you worry you’re “too comfortable,” and that the joke of the thrill being gone, and sarcasm about being boring and married, isn’t much of a joke but at the end of the day, it’s all about growth and growing up.

We’re a year away from our 10 year high school reunion. We’re finally settled into steady workplaces, paychecks, and routines. We’re finally, pretty friggin’ happy! This is something that is anything but boring for us. It’s exciting! We’re talking about epic leaps into grown-up-hood on the horizon. New car, matching furniture, real vacations, new electronics, business gatherings, nights out with other couples; what’s boring about that?

Okay to some people the above list is just sad, but when you’ve finally found your happy place, it’s actually comforting. College is about completing your requirements to get this done, to graduate, to get that internship or that job. It’s all about getting to that one, single goal, but things are constantly changing. Life evolves from day to day. One day you’ll wake up and realize that things aren’t what you ever thought they would be. For some people, this realization is tough to accept, for others it sparks new opportunities and challenges. You have to embrace your old, married, bored-ness and make it count!

You have to ask yourself what you really want. If all you want is a home-cooked meal or even Chinese food delivered and a great movie on a Saturday night, that’s okay! Wear it with pride. You don’t have to go out on Saturday night and drink and party! You don’t have to go to the beach just because it’s a gorgeous day. It’s so easy to get caught up in what the rest of the universe is doing, don’t forget about what you are doing and what you WANT to be doing.

What do I want? I want a nice cup of tea in the evening while I’m arguing with my husband about what series we should watch. I want to grab lunch while we’re out running errands before we come home to spend quality time with the dog. I want to rearrange the pantry to make it more efficient. I want to snuggle up with my Kindle and my little family more often, without worrying about all the other things I could or should be doing. I want to be boring, and be old, and be married.

Maybe we did fall into the couples vortex and we’ll never get out, or maybe we’ve stumbled into normalcy, maturity and that elusive idea of happiness that felt so far off just last year. Either way, with us Chriss’ and the pug, we’ll always have our own, un-boring, un-old adventures…after our chores, errands and workdays are done…and so long as it’s not too late!

Lyrical Breakthroughs

Any of my readers can identify that I am a musical fiend. Music is as important to me as air and water. It is timeless, life changing, life affirming and healing. I listen to music and are moved the way people are moved by books, sermons, lessons, and ideas. Music is what I believe in most.

Sure I don’t like every band and genre out there but if it makes a difference in someone’s life, it’s worth everything. Lately my music has taken me on a pensive journey and today I would like to break it down into three chapters: The new, the old, and the ever-changing, if you will. These songs and their lyrics have just opened up some amazing though processes, helped heal some pain, reaffirm some beliefs, and bring some things to light and resolution.

Music is an all-powerful being. Let it be your guide and you will find amazing things. I can contest to that!

Chapter One: Full Circle

My sisters introduced me to an artist named Ben Kweller. He’s an indie-folk musician with some seriously elegant, yet simple lyrics that just always make me feel better. He recently released an album entitled “Go Fly A Kite,” and on it are two songs that sound similar in composition, but the lyrics just ring so true for where I am in my life. They lyrics are:

“As I burned all the books I read I recalled somethin,’ someone, somewhere said.‘There’s so much in us you don’t see.’ Don’t judge anyone because everybody comes full circle.
I’ve come full circle.

Sand-shark tooth girl won’t cry for you. She’s the kind of girl you just can’t bite through,Throws you into her mindless maze Locks you up for days, then she sits and says
“I’ve come full circle.” I’ve come full circle.

Runnin’ ‘round, pullin’ out your hair, When you’re sittin’ there in that captain’s chair,One eye always up on the fuzz, Now I’m havin’ fun sittin’ shotgun ‘cause
I’ve come full circle, I’ve come full circle.

Promenade, wooo Brooklyn Heights to the Marfa lights, Open sky, wooo, lay me down let yer sweetness surround. Electricity ground, I just can’t believe how I’ve come full circle, I’ve come full circle!”

Lately I’d been feeling like I’d come to a great and safe place in my life and when I heard this I thought, well maybe we have come full circle. Perhaps now that we’ve paid our dues and our in a place of restructure, renewal and rebirth we can have fun “sittin shotgun.” Everything in life is cyclical but it’s nice to feel like you’ve made it full circle.

The other song felt relevant because I’d recently discussed life changes with some of my very best girl friends. Friendships take all shapes and sizes. They are so unique. Some fizzle but never fade and other just fade into the background. When I heard the last track of Ben Kweller’s “Go Fly A Kite” album, I felt a bit better and it reaffirmed the relationships I’d fought for in the first place.

“You Can Count On Me” By Ben Kweller

“It’s a sad day ‘cause all my old friends have changed .I just want you to know that I’m still the same.
You can count on me, you can count on me. When you’re locked up and need to be set free, you can count on me.
It’s a broken clock; they got no time for you. All you need is a friend to tell secrets to, I’m here for you.
You can count on me, you can count on me .When you’re locked up and need to be set free, you can count on me
I’ve seen great people slip away, right before my eyes, they’re not here today.You should know that I won’t disappear on you! No more barricades or walls of emotional stone,No more dead-end streets that you walk down alone.
You can count on me, you can count on me. When you’re locked up and need to be set free, you can count on me.When you’re lost and you need new eyes to see, you can count on meI’ll help you follow through on all of you dreams, you can count on me.”

Most of our friends have changed! Not necessarily bad changes, but we grow and change daily but for certain people, things stay the same. I will always be there for my friends to set them free, especially when their other “friends” haven’t got the time for them. I have seen people just disappear but I won’t do that. I’m here to stand the test of time and when I’m feeling a little flaky or like I’m being a bad friend, a little listen to this tune just recharges all my positive energy!

Ben Kweller might be simple and relatively unknown but his lyrics are therapeutic to me, as all music should be!



Chapter Two: Fleetwood Mac Told My Story 30 Years Ago…And I Just Now Discovered It!

“Oooh, when we’re at the flea market we should look to see if they have Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Rumours’ on Vinyl!,” I said to my husband one Saturday. He rolled his eyes and replied, “You only like that because of that damn Glee episode!” I looked appalled and ashamed all at once and said, “Hey, I’ve ALWAYS liked Fleetwood Mac!” It was that Glee episode that brought an epic album to my attention though; stupid television!

I don’t know why I didn’t see it 5 years ago. During a phase with my ex-best friend where we were in a friendship “gray area,” I used to drive him around a lot. He didn’t have his license so I’d help him out when I could. We could never agree on music so we often ended up listening to the oldies station and he used to sing the chorus to Fleetwood Mac’s “Go Your Own Way,” in this high pitched obnoxious was that would make me turn it off and listen to whatever he chose. It was hilarious, cute and irritating all at the same time. But now that I hear the lyrics, I should have heeded the warning:

“Go Your Own Way” By Fleetwood Mac

“Loving you isn’t the right thing to do. How can I ever change things that I feel? If I could, baby I’d give you my world, how can I, when you won’t take it from me?
You can go your own way, go your own way. You can call it another lonely day!
Tell me why, everything turned around? Packing up, shacking up’s all you want to do. If I could, baby I’d give you my world. Open up; everything’s waiting for you!”

I should have gone my own way then! But instead it became like one big, long album of Fleetwood Mac masterpieces. Next on the proverbial playlist was “The Chain:”

“Listen to the wind blow, watch the sun rise, run in the shadows, damn your love, damn your lies. And if you don’t love me now, you will never love me again. I can still hear you saying, you will never break the chain…”

And he didn’t love me then, he’d never love me again, and I kept saying I’d never break the chain and in a way, with more Fleetwood Mac wisdom than I can really handle, “I Don’t Wanna Know:”

“I don’t wanna know the reasons why love keeps right on walking on down the line, I don’t wanna stand between you and love honey, I just want you to feel fine. Finally, baby, the truth has come down now, take a listen to your spirit, it’s crying out loud, try to believe. You say you love me but you don’t know. You got me rockin-and-a-reelin...”

And I didn’t want to know. I don’t think he did either. We went our “own ways.” And as a resolution to a tumultuous ending, I like to imagine that in the wake of it all, we’re “Never Going Back Again:”

“She broke down and let me in, made me see where I’ve been. Been down one time, been down two times, I’m never going back again. You don’t know what it means to win, come down and see me again, been down one time, been down two times, I’m never going back again.”

Even though we’ll never see each other, after years of my mind randomly wandering towards thoughts of what if, how, why, hope and wonder, these songs just put it all to rest for me. I guess it made me feel better knowing that these kinds of issues have always existed and that artists made such amazing musical poetry in recognition of them.

Chapter Three: Death Cab for Cutie’s Lyrics Are Timeless and Continuously Evolving

When I heard the band name, Death Cab for Cutie, I was like, “what!?” When I saw them, I thought, “okay, cool.” And then I really saw them, and I watched as Ben Gibbard commanded that stage and recited the most eloquent, poetic, musical tales I’d ever heard. To this DAY, I could never be sick of any of their music, and to THIS DAY, their songs continue to form new meaning for me, and reaffirm my love of music, not to mention make my personal life seem a little more interesting.

The following lyrics from a few different songs have resonated for me in life-changing ways:

“Codes and Keys”

“We won't get far, flying in circles inside a jarBecause the air we breathe, is thinning with the words that we speak, that we speak, you and me.You're on the floor, fearful of what's outside
your door, but the codes and keysThey can protect you, from the pangs of jealousy, when you scream, love you seeLike a child, throwing stones at the skyWhen they fall back to earth, as minor chords of major works; Separate rooms of single life: We are one, We are alive!”

When all else fails, remember that we’re human, and WE ARE ALIVE! With such amazing words to guide us!

The next song, “You Can Do Better Than Me,” is a song my husband and I agree is about us and is therefore, very revealing. What’s funny is we both thing that this song is written in our personal point of view, to each other. Some people may say it’s horrible and messed up but we find it…honest. And we’ve come a long way to honesty, so we appreciate Ben Gibbard honoring it so brilliantly:

“I’m starting to feel we stayed together out of fear of dying aloneI've been slipping through the years, my old clothes don't fit like they once didSo they hang like ghosts of the people I've beenI have to face the truth, that no one could ever look at me like you do like I'm something worth holding ontoThere’s times I think of leaving, but it's something I'll never do'Cause you can do better than me…But I can't do better than you.”

It may sound sad, depressing and kind of mean to some people but most relationships never meet their true realities, they live in partial darkness. I like to think of this song as our glimmer of light.

When I first heard the next selection I just thought the melody was pretty, but the more I listen to it, the more I realize how deep it all is. I feel like this song tells the story of my soul with a gorgeous harmony:

“The Marching Bands of Manhattan”

“If I could open my arms , and span the length of the isle of ManhattanI'd bring it to where you are making a lake of the East River and Hudson
If I could open my mouth, wide enough for a marching band to march outThey would make your name sing and bend through alleys and bounce off other buildings
I wish we could open our eyes, to see in all directions at the same time Oh what a beautiful view, if you were never aware of what was around you
And it is true what you said, that I live like a hermit in my own head But when the sun shines again, I'll pull the curtains and blinds to let the light in
Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole, just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound
But while you do, they're half empty and half full, it slowly rises,
Your love is gonna drown…your love is gonna drown”

Another amazing song that I have new appreciation for is called “What Sarah Said.” When I took my newest addition to the best friend club to her first Death Cab for Cutie concert, she went crazy when they played this. I’d originally thought it to be depressing, but after getting to know this new found friend, I saw her see this song live and be set free. I really listened to the lyrics and it just had a completely profound meaning. It’s true “What Sarah Said, love is watching someone die…”

“What Sarah Said”

“And it came to me then, that every plan is a tiny prayer to father time, as I stared at my shoes in the ICU that reeked of piss and 409 And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself, that I'd already taken to much today as each descending peak on the LCD, took you a little farther away from me, away from me...

Amongst the vending machines and year old magazines, in a place where we only say goodbye It's done like a violent limp that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds And I knew that you were truth, I would rather lose, than to have never laid beside at all Then I looked around at all the eyes on the ground, as the TV entertained itself

Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room, just nervous spaces bracing for bad news. Then the nurse comes round and everyone lifts their head I'm thinking of what Sarah said, love is watching someone die...So who's gonna watch you die?”

I find it morbidly beautiful and real…I could write on and on forever, but the point isn’t to bore you or make you fans of these bands. The point is that music is out there, readily available and can be more than just a tune or a distraction. Music is motivation, it’s truth, lies, fact, fiction, happy, said, mundane, interesting and amazing. It can embody everything all at once or even be nothing. It can lift up your day or bring you down to a deep place where you need to find yourself.

These songs have brought me so many experiences! Imagine what music could do for you! These are just three chapters of my life in music. What would you write in your music chapters? What will you hear? What will you see? What will the music do for you?

Angry Ali

I’ll be the first to admit I definitely have some anger issues, okay maybe I’m the second one; my husband may beat me to the admission. Some of it may even be misplaced anger, but with anger comes great passion, and that passion isn’t almost me, it’s ALL me. I can become insanely passionate about certain things, more often than not the passion exists for people, and when those anger monkeys come crawling on my back, that red hair sets on fire and my Irish evil twin comes out to take names and kick ass.

Now I’ve had my slap fights, a few kicks and bouts of wrestling and pushing, threw a freakishly small fist out once or twice, but mostly my anger wars are contained in verbal form. If I can make you feel like an idiot, I win. As a child, my parents were all about telling it like it is, but with a lot of irony, sarcasm and cynicism, carefully crafted jabs can also come full circle and take away the sting of a good burn. My uncle calls it, “TDC, Thinly Disguised Contempt,” and I’ve become and expert.

The people who know and love me unconditionally, would say you can read my expression like a book. Others seem bewildered by my sense of humor, and just write me off. Most people find me amusing at least. I had a coworker say once, that she wished she could just be silly and sarcastic, just like me because I can hide how serious I’m being with a little laughter, but still get my point across without stamping a huge, red “Bitch” on my forehead. Now, my angry, sarcastic attitude has certainly gotten me in trouble but it’s also kept certain things in check.

Despite the above admission, I do know when to hold my tongue, I know when to just smile and nod but most people…just…piss…me…off! In general, I HATE PEOPLE as a whole. They are obnoxious, and I definitely lose it every now and then from the stupidity of the masses. When I’m angry I make jokes ranging from the mean to the downright offensive, but if it boosts morale, hey, it’s a job well done.

What’s funny is, I was a nanny for 10 years. I have infinite patience for children, but adults are not my strong suit. I spend nights worrying that my anger will mold into hatred and I will become one of those people who can no longer find the good, but then I remember that if I can laugh through the frustration, I’ll see the light again. And so, Almost Angry Ali becomes comic relief.

I’ve almost let my angry whims get the best of me. I’ve almost had my anger take a completely destructive form. I’ve almost been saved by those angry and hurtful things others have said, done to, and thought of me. I’ve almost let my anger allow me to surrender, but an angry Alison is a passionate one and so long as I can find that balance, I’ll be almost human.