Friday, August 31, 2018

Daily Challenge 19: My Worst Habits

If we are going to lay out worst habits...mine would be biting fingernails. It goes hand in hand with my anxiety. 

I've been a nail chewer since I was little. I can still hear hear the scolding. When I get my nails done or paint them I am usually okay, but mostly if I am stressed or anxious that is when I chew away.

Other worst habits? I'm super self critical. In so many ways I think we can all say this about ourselves but I can get very mean to myself. Maybe that's a womanly trait, which is sad, but I think we often beat ourselves up far more than we deserve.

Talking about worst habits for a blog challenge is kind of a self-critical practice when we live in a society that preaches an awful lot about self care. Maybe some of our worst habits are pertaining to self care? Like if you like to unwind by doing a facial and plucking eyebrows and doing some personal maintenance to boost your confidence, maybe some see that as worst habit and plain old narcissism. What a thought that our worst habits could be tools in our preservation in one way or another!

So if your worst habit is working out too much? Like, what is that? I recently heard a comedian talk about how women want to be so skinny that people are concerned for their health. But then again some guys say they like thicker women. Where is the balance? Maybe a worst habit is being obsessed with balance! This is a dangerous blog challenge, so I digress.

Let's get back to the main subject of worst habits. I think all of these worst things are just subject to personal judgment. I would say my husband's worst habit is leaving his clothes all over the house, he might say something completely different about his own AND about mine. Regardless, I feel it best not to dwell. 

How about no more "my worst," and we re-frame this as "a habit I'd like to work on." Because isn't it all about attitude in the end? Let's work on all of it!

Daily Blog Challenge 18: What Am I Afraid Of?

Are we talking big picture, deep stuff like "failure" or actual fears like heights or spiders? Maybe we should cover it all.

When you're younger you might be afraid of the dark, new places or trying certain new things. As you get older you become more aware and you fear getting lost or go through the whole "death fixation." 

My actual fear? S-N-A-K-E-S. I mean like screaming, shaking, anxiety, knees buckling fear of those creatures. They need to stay far away and if you ever "joke" about my fear or try and scare me with one, I will show you why you should have been more constructive during your time in your death fixation phase. 

Spiders don't bother me, bugs in general I can deal with, lizards don't bother me. Snakes scare the beejesus out of me. They need to respect my space and I will respect theirs.

Other fears? The real deal ones including being a bad mother, not being able to pay bills, and letting the decisions of others define or dictate my life. But those are normal, right?

As someone who has been watching way too much Dexter lately I can tell you that fear is quite the motivator. And we all have such different fears. I never really feel afraid of heights until I'm up higher and then I'm like "uh oh!" 

Sharing fears is tough too, especially in a relationship. It makes us so vulnerable and sometimes creates more fear in and of itself. However, it can also bring you closer together when used properly, in many ways. 

Some people say you have to conquer your fears and I should just like, get a snake or something but I disagree. I feel like some fears are just meant to stay scary and some you grow out of, like being afraid of the dark. And let's not forget that some childhood fears like abandonment, getting actually lost, or not being good enough just grow with you. 

Those are the fears that keep therapy and billion dollar business, but that's another diatribe. Those fears don't have to define us though and can also give us strength in tackling them and overcoming some aspects as we become who we are meant to be. And often, as fearful as that journey is, it's worth the fear and vulnerability to become more of ourselves through it all. I'm still not touching a snake or being near one, though. Nope. 

Daily Challenge 17: My Favorite Childhood Book

Anyone who says they are not a fan of Dr. Seuss is lying, but my favorite childhood book is not that of a Seuss creation, although I love The Lorax very much. My favorite childhood book is none other than "Where The Wild Things Are." Not only is the art amazing but I love the story.

The story is of a little boy being punished and sent to his room and then escaping to a world of his own where he finds worse things to deal with then his present circumstance I think is quite a tale. Imagination is underrated anymore and I always loved Max's ability to create and entire realm and walk you through it. I also love any story where so-called monsters are actually gentle creatures who just want some company.

I think my favorite line is "Let the wild rumpus START!" But I also love when he commands the wild things to, "Be still!" I read this book to my little one in a very animated way and often say "I'll eat you up I love you so!" My mom also had a coffee table book of Maurice Sendak art that I used to thumb through.

In other childhood literature I will tell you an amusing story. I always loved any of the works by Shel Silverstein. As part of my fear of snakes my dad used to read me Silverstein's "Boa Constrictor" to make me even more afraid it seemed. I loved Where The Sidewalk Ends as well. My dad used to preach a sermon from "The Giving Tree" and that book was always around. I loved it so much when I was little.

When I was 18 and a full time nanny I remember getting a copy of it for the little girl I watched and I read it out loud to her and had this cloud of realization come over me..."This book is terrible! That boy abused the tree and just used him! Humans are garbage!"

I remember calling my dad, half in tears saying "Why did you read us that? That is a horrible story about how people just use things and are selfish!" He told me that it was a good lesson in humans versus nature. He reasoned that we need to be nicer to nature but also remember there is good in the world with human nature too. He had a point.

I still read it from time to time but still think it is mostly depressing. Most kids books are slightly sad or "off" if you think about it, but that one about killed my spirit in adulthood. It's funny how when we read these stories to our children, they now mean something completely different but these were the literary building blocks of our beginnings.  I think I'll go to "Where The Wild Things Are" and report back.

Thursday, August 30, 2018

Blog Challenge 16: My Dream Job

The perfect illustration for my dream job would be that of Patrick Fugit's character in "Almost Famous." He got to tour with Stillwater and tell their tales in Rolling Stone. I also completely believe that I was born in the wrong era because I wanted to be on tour with the bands of the 70's and writing for Rolling Stone. 

My dream job is that of a music writer. My attachment to music has been rooted as long as I can remember, and I just wanted to write and write and write about, that song, that scene it creates, "this is what I hear, is that what it meant?"

Some songs and bands just seemingly "get you." And I always wanted to literately break down why I was obsessed with that band or song or album or why that one didn't connect with me.

When we first moved I wanted to do an internship with Paste Magazine. They were Atlanta-based and theirs and PitchFork's were still good, non-biased articles on new, indie and obscure musicians. Rolling Stone will always be Rolling Stone but you have to be super famous to even write a line in there. They would never just take some random piece.

Then I had this amazing idea for a Food and Music Magazine where you could have recipes and dining set ideas along with music suggestions like, "This steak and wine is perfect for a Pink Floyd album revisit, particularly..." I just thought it would be cool to get two specific audiences and merge them because both food and music are such universal, wonderful interests that often unearth common ground.

I spent time writing for Creative Loafing in Tampa/Ybor City and doing concert reviews with them. That was fun! Free concerts and I got to review how they were and make people feel like they missed out on an experience. I've done art reviews and interviews as well and I love interacting with people and sharing a story.

To me, music already tells a story, but how we hear or perceive the story is our own journey. And I love that I might think something is so awesome while someone else could present that they felt it was so disappointing within the music, or just in life I guess too.

I think I always wanted to interview the artists I admire and just ask what they were actually thinking when they wrote or played that piece because music's meaning can transcend over time. When I was 16 and was depressed a song could mean one thing. When I'm 30 and grown up it may mean something completely different but still resonate. 

I also love hearing what each person's unique opinion is about other pieces of music. Some people detest certain genres, some people like the actual instrumental music and don't care about lyrics, and some people only care about lyrics and could care less about it being catchy. The diversity of music is just so fascinating to me.

If Rolling Stone or Spin is hiring I would gladly make time for an interview but with print going out of style and with the music industry becoming less and less unique and seemingly more commercial, I know that it's just one of those dreams that will stay an awesome dream. When I was young and naive I really wanted to move to New York or San Francisco and make being a real, live writer happen but with age comes responsibility and we don't always get to dream when we live in the reality.

And now for the cliche ending I will say that I will continue to "Dream On," which is a shameless nod to the classic hit by Aerosmith. Yeah that just happened. Mic drop. 




Wednesday, August 29, 2018

Challenge 15: Timeline of My Day

Some of these challenges are a bit short and slightly silly feeling to me. But they are all good exercises and I'm embracing the challenge. Although it feels self-indulgent, here is the timeline of my day.

Monday through Friday my alarm rings at 4:45AM for a 5 or 5:15AM workout. Then I get back home by 6:20AM to pack my lunch, grab a bowl of cereal and make my coffee. This is followed by the shower, laying out clothes for the kiddo, and getting ready for work.

I have to be in the car by about 7:15AM to get to work by 8. Usually I help the little one get dressed and she says goodbye to me and blows me kisses from the front stoop. Between 7:50AM and 8AM I get into my office. From 8AM to 9:30AM I have to edit and compile reports and charts for my job. At 9:20AM the same customer calls me to read him a copy of the newsletter I just published that morning.

From then on I count down to my 12:00PM hour-long lunch and usually have a 10AM snack. On my lunch I walk around or make phone calls to catch up with people because by the end of the day I just zone out. 

My afternoon often drags from 1PM to 5PM with end of the day numbers submitted just after 4PM. I take phone calls and do social media updates for work. I catch up on news and a few things here and there. I walk out of the door at 5PM, and unless there is crazy traffic, I can usually make it back to my neighborhood by about 5:45PM. 

Three days a week I hit the gym in the evenings too, for Spin class or a run. Then I get home to tidy up and get the kiddo ready for bed time. We read between 2 and 4 books and have about 10 minutes of end of day recap and cuddles before I head out to make myself dinner and do whatever chores are required to make the rest of the week easier. So I eat around 8PM and usually am in bed between 9:30PM and 10PM to get some sleep and do it all over. 

Weekends I try to "sleep in" between 7 and 8AM. Sometimes I hit a 9:30AM Saturday morning spin class and Sundays usually involve Church. I thrive on routine and when things get thrown off it is definitely not an easy transition for me. So much of my anxiety contributes to that. Although I think most people can function better when they have a normal schedule. 

With my daughter's schedule we have yet to throw in any sports or crazy after school activities outside of basic after care. She thrives with other people and routines of her own but she comes home tired and so do I. 

My husband works nights so we rarely cross paths and he is the guy who gets the little one to where she needs to be in the mornings. I'm the bed time guru. Each day follows roughly the same timeline with some fun and alterations here and there. It's tough to motivate from time to time but once you just get up and do it, it's not so bad. 

Now feel free to judge, eye roll or think that I am crazy with this schedule but this is years of working and figuring out how to keep everyone sane. This schedule is the closest we have all been to that sanity!

Challenge 14: What's In My Handbag? Okay, No One Calls It That Anymore.

What is in my handbag? Do women still have a handbag? I thought we call them purses, bags, or a satchel even? Wristlet or clutch maybe. I haven't heard handbag lately. Currently I am sporting a Betsey Johnson small backpack much like Cher and Dion in Clueless or Elaine Benes of Seinfeld. I thought I was being cutting edge but seemingly all the cool kids are in on it now. 

My purse is always a mess. Complete with receipts, the general "woman supplies," hair ties, bobby pins, hair clips, lip gloss, chapstick, a pocket mirror, pens, a few business cards, the wallet, stray jewelry and change. Also any papers I'm "supposed" to review for later and various unopened pay stubs.

I don't miss the diaper bag days. I also find it sad that as we move into motherhood we are seemingly downgraded a purse, which we grow up to feel is as tantamount to being a woman as tampons, and handed a bag filled with everything your baby needs to the point of no room for anything we might need in there...besides a wallet with cards to pay for more baby stuff. My husband went to the lengths of finding me a purse by my favorite designer that could actually be used as a diaper bag and was even styled as such. It was still one of my least favorite mom moments though, because the cute diaper bags are rarely useful. 

Purses are fun and also a curse in a way. We feel naked without them like we are forgetting something. And we always have to find "The right one." Not to mention the trendy ones are always expensive. I had a friend who lived and died for Coach purses. Another dreams of Fossil. My mom went through a Tommy Hilfiger phase. Now I'm sure it's all Michael Kors and Kate Spade. I will always be a Betsey Johnson gal, myself. Some are desperate for the Louis Vuitton. 

The handbag question is personal and kind of ridiculous in actuality. Most of us carry the same staples but our bags hold all of our personal and private things. Sure, men have a wallet but how much can you really fit in there? Unless of course you're George Costanza. Purses are definitely and blessing and a curse for womanhood. Regardless, our handbag is our handle, if you will. We love to accessorize and match for special occasions and every day needs. They are just another way to let us express ourselves.

So whatever is in your handbag, and the mundane things that are in mine, those are unique and personal, much like the bag we choose to throw it all in! 

Tuesday, August 28, 2018

Lucky 13 Challenge: My Favorite Quote

This is a loaded question readers. I have been obsessed with quotes for a good 23 years I would say. And what kind of quote does this challenge require? A song quote? A movie quote? A book quote? A celebrity quote? The options are endless and I'm overwhelmed with ideas. So, let's just take it way way back to maybe my first quote journal and I'll think about what I was obsessed with, and which one could be construed as a a favorite.

Okay my first serious obsession would have to go to Almost Famous and I think I still have it memorized. "I always tell the girls, never take it seriously. If you never take it seriously you never get hurt. If you never get hurt, you always have fun and if you ever get lonely, you just go to the record store and visit your friends." I love everything about this movie, this scene and the words. 

Other than that I instantly loved Ferris Bueller saying, "Life moves pretty fast, you don't stop and look around once in awhile you could miss it." And there are many John Hughes quotes I still love forever. I could also quote many epic statements from Kevin Smith movies and most likely all of Princess Bride. 

Song quotes and verses rule my world too though. My favorite song quote will forever be from The Shins "New Slang," where he sings, "I'm looking in on the good life I might be doomed never to find." Natalie Portman was so right in Garden State when she said that Shins song would "change your life." See? I collect quotes.

I used to etch them in notebook after notebook. Now I keep them on Pinterest and hoard them. To me, quotes can comfort and often put to words what you are feeling in your darkest or most hopeless moments. Many people find Bible verses provide this comfort but I look to other writings. 

I've always loved movies and series and I must have thousands of collected quotes from my favorite scenes or moments. And once you collect the quote it takes you back to the exact scene. Some scenes of movies and series are synonymous with the quotes and are embedded within us, some we revisit when we are closer to those iconic moments mirroring our present circumstance.

I think Sarah Silverman recently posted on her Instagram a clip of her watching the absolutely epic scene in Sex and The City where Carrie says to Big "We're so over we need a new word for over." You can hear Sarah Silverman say "Fuck yeah," in reaction. I think all women have felt that moment.

I used to speak mostly in movie quotes and am fluent in Friends show quotes. Also those of The Office. I think these can often help bridge the gap in social situations or help establish common ground but for me quotes are my comfort zone. On a down day, I just quote collect and feel better or revisit that moment from a show and say, "I've totally been there!"

I could list and list and list them but I'd rather open forum this. We currently live in a world where quotes now come in the form of memes and still/screen shots. Feel free to post them in the comments. I want to know what quotes have made your day or made you relate. I want to hear from you! 




Monday, August 27, 2018

Challenge 12: If I Won The Lottery

So to kick off another week at this, the challenge is to write about if I won the lottery. There was an entire episode about this on The Office. When I was in my twenties it was all about going all the places and having all the things. Now I would like to own multiple small homes/condos in a few great places so I had free places to stay or I could AirBnB that stuff for income. Wait, is this adulting?

I also wouldn't quit a job. I'd work part time at something I was in love with like...a coffee shop. And then I would take many trips to do what I want to do and enjoy life to it's fullest. I would also give some to a charity or 3 but help some of my closest friends who struggle by random acts of bill paying like, "Hey, I paid your rent, utilities, and 3 months of your phone bill, go get that purse you were saving for." Or, "Here is a gift certificate to your favorite store, go nuts!" Things like that make the world go round.

I think we have an obsession with this lottery question because financial freedom is such an ultimate goal. But one thing I have learned, the more money you have and you make, the more expenses come up. What was that song? "Mo, Money, Mo Problems,"? How is 90's music so very right on so often? What an era.

Anyway, this whole Lottery question is supposed to reflect who I am as a person, or at least that is my point of view on the issue. I think it's just a study of how much we like to indulge in the fantasy that life could get or will get "easier." As more and more days go by I realize that life doesn't get "better or worse," or just "More difficult or less bad." Life is just life and you have to deal with what happens as it comes to you. In some cases you will have some preparedness and in others it may hit you like a brick but sometimes bad things just happen.

I've learned over the past two years and test myself daily on the fact that most of life's obstacles and hardships are all about how you look at it and how you tackle the issues. So if you win a million dollars you can buy all the things and have a bunch of stuff, or you can pay off some debts and save some and keep working. Maybe you could take a fabulous vacation to a dream location with no debt and then save for some other places as well.

And money does run out. You can spend it all and do very little, so going all crazy is just never a good idea, in my humble opinion. I'm instantly reminded of that scene in Wolf of Wall Street where Leonardo DiCaprio throws money off of the boat at the IRS. Let's not do that.

I'm sure we've written many, many essays in our school careers about this. I honestly probably had better money ideas when I was a kid. But I will leave you with this, the lottery is very random and highly unlikely, like many things in life. On bad days it is fun to get caught up in the IFs but we cannot live there. So go ahead and plan to spend your fictional fortune, but don't forget to pay your actual bills in the mean time!


 

Friday, August 24, 2018

Blog Challenge 11: My Most Proud Moment

I feel like if I were to type "When I had my daughter," the moms would all be like "Yas queen," and all the single ladies would be like"Oh, seriously?" So I think we need to dissect this a bit.

Being proud eh? My most proud moment when I was younger was winning the 4th Grade Talent Show for singing "Castle on a Cloud" from Les Miserables. My mom found me a dingy old nightgown at GoodWill and unearthed a ratty stuffed animal. I've always loved to sing but stage fright is no joke. I took voice lessons from 2nd grade through Sophomore year and then high school politics killed my dream of ever being able to have any real performer-type things happen.

Anyway, my Voice Instructor played the piano for me and chose the song. I always wanted Disney. She always wanted Broadway. I remember being nervous and having this bear in my hands as part of the act, and as I sang and the more nervous I got, the more I just focused on the bear. It was just me and the stuffed animal. The song is about a sad, poor little child in London dreaming of not sweeping floors and one day having toys. It may have been my finest performance of all time and it won me first place against the boys in my class doing comedy routines and other people being talented as well. We may have a rogue VHS of this somewhere.

My one regret is I told my dad it wasn't worth him coming and that he also made me more nervous, so he missed it. My voice teacher said she almost messed up on the piano because she was so entranced by me and this bear performing such a heart-wrenching song to perfection. That was my peak I think, my American Idol moment.

Other proud moments in my life? At 18, I once told off an old man at Burger King who insinuated I was stupid for not being fast at math, which has always been a struggle for me. I was working the register and it broke and to make sure I gave correct change I started writing it out and he went off on me. I approached him later and told him I hope he never spoke to anyone else who was waiting on him like that again and he should be ashamed of himself for being so rude to someone trying to do well at their job.

I had proud moments with the kids I was a nanny for when they excelled at things, which they did often and still do. I've had proud moments of watching some of my favorite people grow into the fabulous mothers and women they are. But I will completely admit that my proud moment of ushering my baby from womb to world was because I did it completely without drugs, after my own mother said I wouldn't be able to handle it. Take that mom!

To make it even better, when I was super dilated and we had to ask for a wheelchair to get me into the building from the car where Luna was almost born Ricky Bobby style,  I was yelling a lot. It hurt! The nurses looked up from their charting and conversations all annoyed and said, "Is this your first baby, honey?" "Yeah," I muttered in pain. "Okay sweetie, just calm down and keep it down, you'll be fine." I could feel the she-dragon and if another contraction hadn't hit me so fast, I was moments away from yelling "Are you fucking kidding me right now?" Less than 10 minutes later I was in a delivery room pushing, so I think I had a right to be a little loud.

My midwife said to me when I was screaming, "You need to push down and when you scream you push outward. Push down!" Getting my perfect daughter out in 3, bad ass, hardcore pushes, and then apparently making an intern faint, was a proud moment.

In motherhood, however, my proud moments have come from watching her with other people. It's not about walking and talking but her attitude that makes me proud. That kid perseveres just like her stubborn mother and when that happens, I get proud.

Last year she had a little boy in her after school program who kept hitting her in her crotch region and also put his hands on her throat once. I harnessed my mama bear and I said, "Baby, no one is allowed to touch you without your permission. And no one but mommy, daddy, grandma and a teacher helping you in the potty, goes near your private parts and still, you communicate with us when that happens. Now, we don't hit or hurt anyone, but if that boy is hurting you, and you need to get away, you get away from him and get help. Tell a teacher. You push him off of you and get to someone who can help. You don't let him hurt you!" She said "Okay mommy, I understand."

I was thankful it never came to that, but proud of her for telling adults what was happening and that she didn't like it. Most 4-year-old's might not. She now quotes the Aristocats often saying "Ladies do not start fights but we know how to finish them!" I do not disagree with her.

Overall though, I work on being proud of myself and I do this daily. We are our own worst critics aren't we? I get proud of myself when I get through a horrible day with no wine or no crying! I am proud of myself for working out consistently and finding ways to manage my anxiety. I'm proud of myself for knowing when to let people in and knowing when to just shut up. I'm proud of myself for not giving up when life has beaten me to a pulp but also not giving up on myself. And I'm excited for more and more most-proud moments, especially when you least expect them. We'll see if any are blog-worthy!

Thursday, August 23, 2018

Challenge 10: My First Celebrity Crush

So we are ten challenges in and I will admit I'm having a day that was set on me throwing me off from wanting to do this but, I don't want to miss out, except when I'm being lazy on weekends.

As I've recently discovered I am an "Elder Millennial." So I came about during a time where the 80's were in full swing but 70's stuff was still cool. My first celebrity crush was none other than DAVY JONES of The Monkees. I watched that show in syndication relentlessly, knew all the words to all the songs, and loved Davy Jones almost as much as Marcia Brady loved him. Ironically, I did not really watch The Brady Bunch, but I loved the Monkees. My dad had most of their albums on vinyl, which I have since procured and still listen to today.

Other celebrity crushes over the years included Zac Hanson (of course), various members of the Backstreet Boys but not *NSYNC. It is my humble opinion that Justin Timberlake's hotness was not fully formed until he went solo. As a 90's kid and Home Improvement fan, I loved Johnathan Taylor Thomas and from Full House, DJ's boyfriend Steve was dreamy as well.

I missed most of the teen heart-throb romance shows but I will say that even though it has been revealed that "Zack Morris is Trash," boy did I love Mark-Paul Gosselaar and wish that I was Kelly Kapowski. Slater was not for me and Screech? Really?

I would say I wasn't as obsessed with the mainstream boys the older I got. I had a thing for Topher Grace, not Ashton Kutcher. I had no attraction to anyone on Dawson's Creek. I was very, very in love with David Duchovny AKA Fox Mulder and the fact that Scully was a red-head just meant someday we would be together. I am actually still optimistic about that one.

But, I digress, my first, real celebrity crush was Davy Jones. I missed my only opportunity to see him live with the Monkees before he passed away about 9 years ago. I will forever regret not going into debt and calling out of work to see him on stage but clearly, in more ways than one, we were not meant to be together. I am still open to all my other crushes though, so feel free to pass along my information.


Wednesday, August 22, 2018

Challenge 9: Piercing and Tattoos? OH YES!

I got my nose pierced when I was 16, I think. Of course my mom gave me permission and they money. I loved it and I had a cute little stud. I actually liked the needle better than the guns they used on my ears. I promised myself tattoos when I turned 18.

I love them both as artistic expressions of yourself and permanent reminders of whatever you were feeling around their entrance onto your body. My first tattoo was something really ridiculous in Elvish...Lord of the Rings was THE SERIES when I was in High School okay? And yes I knew the nerds who could read and speak it. People speak Kling-on, don't judge!

Then I saved up and got an Orchid tramp stamp on my lower back. I literally got that back tattoo not a month before the "Tramp Stamp" phrase ran rampant across all cult classic movies and trendy comedies. I don't regret the gorgeous work, but the placement is boring and typical.

When I was 18, I also got a nose ring right next to my stud, like an actual hoop though. I rocked this look and miss it daily. When living in Eugene, Oregon for college, piercings are tantamount to spiritual growth.

When I was 19, my cousin's boyfriend was a piercer at my favorite piercing and tattoo shop. I wanted to get my eyebrow pierced, the one opposite the side of my nose that was pierced. He did it and it hurt like hell. He then said "wait, let me just see something for symmetry." I felt him put the dots on my second eyebrow. "No, I don't want two, I said. Ouch." He said, yeah but I just want to see because I think you could rock both with your nose piercings like you would look bad ass so let me just look."

SNAP! "Ow, motherfucker that hurt!," I cried! "See, symmetry?," He said. "They look awesome. No charge for the second one." I did rock them for about 6 months by my body physically rejected them and they wouldn't heal properly.

After age 20 I didn't do anything else until my thirties. I took out my piercings when I was 24 because we got married and then moved across the country well aware that no piercings would make the job hunt much easier. I dislike that a stud or ring in your nose or any kind of piercing or tattoo plays any part in judging your ability to do anything but it's the sad truth.

From 32 to 33 I got 3 tattoos after a traumatic car accident. The first one is meant to be a treble clef semicolon signifying the semicolon movement for suicide and depression awareness. The slogan for that movement is "My story isn't over yet," but even as a writer I have more of a musical obsession so I wanted it to signify "My song isn't finished playing yet." It is behind my ear.

Shortly after that one I covered my lower hip elvish tattoo with a favorite album cover and quote from my favorite band, with which I have NO SHAME and NO REGRET, judge if you must...Hanson...and it reads, "If you can't get through it, you can listen it it." That one hurt!

And my most recent is a small unalome, of which my best friend from 3rd grade and on got a matching one, on my side where my bra sits, and that is the symbol for the path to enlightenment. Both her and I have suffered some trauma so we thought it appropriate. I'm also constantly pinning ideas for new ones because I love ink! LOVE LOVE!

Tattoos are beautiful and very brave because they do welcome some stares and open you to questions. If you have many visible tattoos people do judge you because of them. I find that completely unfair and absolute bullshit but it is a fact of life. 

I love how every tattoo has a story. I have some friends I love with Disney or Harry Potter tattoos and it's never just "Oh they like those characters," there is always some amazing story. And I love the people that are just brave enough to say I put this on my skin to remind me of this or because that moved or changed me. I love the connections we make over these artistic expressions. I think they keep us human. And anyone who willingly goes through that kind of pain is strong, not that people without tattoos are weak, but I think a different kind of strength draws others to body art.

You do only get one life and I respect and admire anyone who wants to color their lives accordingly! I can't wait to collect more works of art on my body!

Challenge 8 - Old Photo of Me...Nope and This Is Why

I truly feel like you cannot accurately post a pre-smart phone picture anymore without it just looking so damn old. I just feel like when you take a picture of the picture to post to social media, they all look like those old photos from the 50's you used to find in your attic that you judged.

I don't need anything else to remind me that motherhood has aged me. So, I don't want to post an old photo and it also blows my mind that my 5-year-old's entire existence has been captured via Facebook and Instagram and on top of that, mostly hangs out in some cloud that we just trust to hold our shit! Like has anyone ever really looked into the Google Drive and backup stuff? You log in and you can find it but what if some technological apocalyptic crash happens -- spur new wave of scary films -- and you didn't print REAL copies of your 40,000 pictures of food, your children, and your selfies that you have 20 each of to get the one RIGHT one that looked "effortless?"

It's so weird to think that we have this miniature computers that just rule our worlds. We all pretend that they don't but the ability to be able to capture any moment at any time without being like..."wait I need to grab my camera!," is still pretty amazing when you think about it. It can get creepy if you think about the logistics too much, but mostly it is awesome.

And I also think that while nostalgia is so awesome, looking at old photos to remember "the good times" can get daunting. I feel like it's forced memories sometimes. Every so often a trip down memory lane is good but you can't live there. It's not a good idea.

So there you have it, another little chapter completed but today I'm doing a total of two updates because I'm more excited about the next one! Stay tuned!

Tuesday, August 21, 2018

Blog Challenge Day 7: 10 Favorite Foods

As if this didn't feel narcissistic enough, although a good writing practice, now let's talk about what I like to eat!

My number one favorite food is: SALAD, not lying. I love salads. They are easy to put together and super good for you.

2. Tacos. Tacos are life. Ironically, tacos were the thing I had right before I was violently ill from appendicitis but I took a break and then came back with a vengeance!

3. Pizza, but I'm picky. The chef hubby makes the best homemade so I get a little snobby. And I don't care what anyone says, if you can't make a good cheese pizza you can't make a pizza period.

4. Coconut things: Coconut cake, cookies, coconut water, candies, coconut milk, protein bars. ALL THE COCONUT THINGS.

5. Sushi! Sushi is my favorite meal out. So frigging delicious! Although I only like the rolls, the raw fish on rice with no other flavor is a bit intense.

6. Ice Cream Cake. Preferably Carvel. The chocolate crumblies in the middle are what make it worth being a thicker person. I hate sharing my birthday cake. It's my day!

7. Steak. When I was pregnant, all I wanted was steak and potatoes. Seriously just meat and taters. Steak, when cooked properly, is the reason why we eat meat.

8. And also Bacon, of course, which makes everything better. This might technically be like a number 2 or 4 swap but bacon is life also. The reason I cannot be a vegetarian is BACON. I even enjoy some tofu dishes but bacon just is amazing. Always!

9. Grandma UTZ Potato chips. Have you ever had these? Best chips on the planet. Pretty sure you could make a candle from the lard dripping if you held it by the fire but the salt and deliciousness, oh my goodness!

10. Twizzlers. I am not a red vine person. Twizzlers. This I got from my mother.

I do consider myself a foodie.  I will try just about anything. I'm not a fan of duck or lamb as I find those animal to precious to consume. I also don't like anything too gamey but had Elk burgers once that were to die for. I have had fancy stuff and love the atmosphere of certain places to try new things or pay for an insanely amazing meal but I can also take down a cheesy Gordita crunch with the best of them at Taco Bell. And for any hangover, I require a sausage McMuffin. Food makes life more flavorful, which is why I work out a lot.

Monday, August 20, 2018

Challenge 6: Three Personality Traits That I Am Proud Of

In this day and age self esteem is like a hidden superpower. We are surrounded by negativity and social media chaos constantly causing comparisons and self doubt. So the challenge is 3 personality traits I'm proud of: First, my die-hard attitude with friendships, then my epic sarcastic humor, and third, my constant need to persevere through any of life's crap.

Anyone who has known me for longer than a few years knows that I take friendships very seriously. I will buy, steal, maim, and do just about anything for someone I want as my friend and whomever is my friend back. This often bites me in the ass in the long run. I work really hard at any relationship and invest a lot in others and when others don't reciprocate it's super difficult for me.

Family stuff has always been a challenge for me because of my parents split when I was 12 and a lot of instability for my formative years. I always found solace in friends because, as a "technical" only child, they were who I spent my childhood with. I'm often seen as an overwhelming force because I work so hard to maintain relationships with others. I fly across the country, drive hours, and I truly devote my time and my entire self to the people I love.

My sarcastic humor, which can rival most, was born primarily from the greatest movie ever made, "The Princess Bride." Sarcasm has been a tool that has gotten me into trouble, out of trouble and through some of the shit in my life I wish I hadn't had to deal with. My daughter has picked it up, it bites me on the ass daily, but also makes me happy that she is witty and funny and cute.

Lastly, my ability to persevere through some shit. Now, don't get me wrong, everyone has seen some shit and I personally love hearing everyone's truth and trials, but I've lived quite a life for not being so very old. When my first, real boyfriend, tried to steal my car and my laptop after leaving me at the airport for about 4 hours when I came home from a trip, my dad sat me down and instead of reading me the riot act, told me that he just didn't want me to forget that there were still good people who wouldn't treat me that way. He reminded me that even within the bad, there is still good. And I've carried that with me.

I definitely went through my angry teen into twenties time. I smoked cigarettes and said "fuck all" to everything. But that didn't serve me as well as the belief that there was inherently some good, somewhere around. I also went through a lot of therapy to learn how to manage my depression, stress and anxieties that kicked into serious high gear when life kicked my ass.

And I learned to be careful with whom I share my issues with. This is a constant lesson. Often you will find that timing is everything and in one person's dire hour you will find that goodness and common ground that you can stand on to share and reveal.

If I were to just list the bullshit it would go like this: I lost my childhood to my mother's drug addiction, survived 3 different high schools in 3 years and moving across the country twice, followed by graduating and working full time through college and living with roommates to make ends meet. Then I lost both my grandparents within a year, my mom had a cancer scare and then a violent relapse during which I graduated college through, got married and moved back across the country.

Into marriage I worked any job I needed to for a few years until we chose to get pregnant, had a failure to thrive baby at 3 weeks old and I spent 10 days alone in the hospital with my baby girl to get us back on track. When my daughter was 3 all of us were in a horribly traumatic car accident where we came out worse for the wear but we are all lucky to be alive and well. She had 2 broken legs and was in a wheelchair for 6 weeks and had two surgeries, and my husband had surgery on his bicep tendon, and I had head staples, bruising and I now have severe PTSD.

Through this all, I managed to have no psychotic episodes. There were and are, however, many crying jags. Many, many, many bad days pummeled me, but I pushed through it all with the help of many and will always continue. My favorite uncle always says, "We continue."

Some people could use any of these unfortunate circumstances as a reason to end up in a padded room or be a less-than-great person in life, but I've worked really hard to persevere and not let them tank my existence, and that makes me proud. I hold these triumphs close and when I hear other friends going through their stuff, struggling to persevere, I offer my support and a sarcastic comment. Because not only do I channel Chandler Bing saying "I'm not so good with the advice, can I offer you a sarcastic comment?," but be real, laughter always helps.

Challenge Day 5: My Guilty Pleasure

Is this a foray into that romantic novel thing I suggested? Most likely, not. I think my guiltiest pleasure besides re-watching The Office and Friends ad nauseam, is really just bad television. I had this obsession with America's Next Top Model for a year or so and the first round of VH1 reality shows like Celebrity Rehab, Flavor of Love and the spin off of that, I Love New York. Although maybe it is just TV and reruns all together because my major obsession in syndication was Beverly Hills, 90210. Man, did I just I love the ridiculous drama.

More ridiculous is that I actually have decent taste in most walks of life but those shows are like tabloid magazines, the gossip is just so fun! I never get into the shows as they are popular though, I'm always behind the times but then I'm all in!

I think I've always loved living through shows and movies. Anything I can relate to, I'm very into. Or, when there is good writing, satire, and witty banter I can't get enough. I have such a cynical sense of humor that often gets me into trouble, but it plays towards a wide array of different interests for entertainment.

I think any escape from reality or a dose of someone else's reality is just a good way to zone out from all of life's chaos. I'm a total binge-r when it comes to a good series.

Sex and The City made me want to stay single in New York and be a struggling writer. Weeds made me want to be a suburban house wife pot dealer. Six Feet Under made me want to be a funeral director and Big Love made having sister wives look totally appealing when I was an exhausted, lonely mom. Mad Men just made me want to drink in the day time and be Don Draper's mistress and House of Cards makes me want to stay away from politics always. X-Files made me want to go investigate all the weird things! These shows bring you from one season of life to the next and, with the right people, provide quite the experience.

My dad and I used to watch X-Files religiously together. My girl friends and I snuck a water bottle of Cosmopolitans into the movie theater to watch the Sex and the City movie because we had all watched them obsessively. We used to have Weeds parties every week to watch in our tiny apartment crammed with like 8 friends because we were the only ones with cable. Mad Men I watched while breastfeeding at 1AM, 4AM, and whenever.

It also brings things to the conversation if you are watching a show that is widely popular and the "it" show of the season. I think TV and movies will always be my guilty pleasure but I'm not so sure I'm feeling very guilty about it. My dad and I coined the phrase "vidiot," for a person who spends way too much time with television but also we both enjoy investing our time in movies and series on a regular basis.

For me TV is my wind-down and chill time. There's no thinking, you just sit and absorb. And going into another world when yours feels so heavy, is just such a nice release and stress reliever for me. There's also nothing better than cuddling up and watching something together. After working all day, working out, being a mom and such, it's often nice to just crawl into bed and watch a favorite thing or something new.

I will admit sometimes I get so involved in the series I forget they aren't real people or I have to watch as much as possible until I know all the things that have happened. That is my personality to a tee! I do believe there is a healthy versus unhealthy realm of all of it and it can easily be abused. I wouldn't want to miss out on real life stuff because of a movie or show. And becoming too much of a recluse into a fantasy world isn't good either. I think that guilty pleasures involve balance like anything else in life.

I often refer to that scene in Alice in Wonderland with the mushroom where too much makes you way too tall and you have to figure out how much to get the right fit. Oh, another guilty pleasure would be Disney movies. I can belt some Moana for real!

So enjoy your guilty pleasures, indulge but don't let them take over your reality! I don't actually want to be in Celebrity Rehab or on a show competing for love with Flava Flave. But it sure is fun to watch!

Friday, August 17, 2018

Challenge Post 4: My Earliest Childhood Memory

I'm four days into this posting challenge. Today is about my earliest childhood memory. My childhood before age 12 is pretty blurry. Things come in picture view or hazy revisits but there's not a lot there. 

So I will share my favorite childhood memory, from which I have a detailed account. So here we go.

My mother got me very into American Girl Dolls. And I had Samantha. I was obsessed with the idea of collecting all the things from the catalog. I requested them specifically and carefully for each Christmas and Birthday. 

I was old enough to read the labels on boxes and this Christmas I'd asked for Samantha's big ticket item and what she needed most for her room: her storage and clothing trunk. I'm pretty sure I was onto the whole Santa Scandal. I was a late bloomer with a vivid imagination and I loved to believe in anything magical so I kind of was under the impression that my parents took over for Santa, so he could concentrate on the younger kids, ya know?

I started stalking the mail and watching for boxes. None of the return labels said "American Girl" but I think I was aware of where the company was based out of. Regardless, there was one box that arrived like a week before Christmas and it was the right size but I was only about 75% sure. 

I started telling my dad I knew what was in there, practically licking my lips because I could taste my success! I GOT THE TRUNK! It was so close to being mine. "That's my trunk, Dad. I know it! I'm getting it!" My dad looked at me plain-faced, "How do you know that's even for you? You don't know that's what you think it is." He did not change my conviction. I did not accept his response.

Finally he said, "That's not your trunk. Grandma ordered us a new lamp set for the North Carolina house. That's what it is." I refused to believe something so easily explained. I knew what I knew!

I kept at him some more about how I was just so sure. So sure! That box stayed as it was until Christmas morning. It wasn't wrapped or anything. It just stared at me. I think it was the last box, or close to it, and I was thus far trunk-less. I started to mentally sink. I didn't get it after all. I was defeated!

My dad had me help with the lamp. There was a hole in the corner of the box and he pulled out a cord and then lured me over to help with the rest. He won. It was a dumb lamp, or so I was convinced until he popped it open and said "Wait a minute, what's is this?!" I looked excitedly and there it was: Samantha's trunk, in all it's glory. And in the bottom corner of the box, the end of an extension cord.

I love this memory because to me it captures the greatness of my childhood before my family fell apart in later years. My dad was devoted to keeping that magic and wonder, and defying my growth by playing along with me instead of letting me win, and I hold that dear. 

I tell this story as often as I can because it was wonderful ruse! 

Thursday, August 16, 2018

Challenge Day 3: Meaning of my Business Name? Let's go with Meaning of My Blog and Facebook Names..

Oh I have business names in my pocket, don't you worry. The Facebook Page is Ali's Anthem, which came mostly from my music obsession. I've always felt I have had way more spiritual experiences through music than in church even. Perhaps that's blasphemy but it is what it is. The blog name is a play on words from a song I like and my sister has always joked about making a celebrity mag called "Diatribe" where we collect celebrity stories where they complain about mundane every day things that we have to deal with ourselves on a regular basis as regular people.

Now I want to shift this challenge to something more fun: YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND MY COMMENTS SECTION. There are 7 years worth of comments in there! Dang! So I want to thank all my readers in more ways than one, because you guys rock!

The thing is, there is such a laziness to me in such weird ways. I'm a very active person. In some ways I probably have ADD and my anxiety makes me obsessed with certain degrees of cleanliness and order but if something doesn't JUMP at me or present itself as easy to navigate, I won't always seek it out. So I'd seen a comment or two back in the day but as life has taken over I've definitely lost touch of little things.

In the world of Facebook and Instagram commentary is a big deal so why not here? Maybe there was a part of me that didn't want to read in case it was negative. Or maybe I just knew the select few that would rally.

I don't know that I consider blogging to be much of a business for me yet. My end goal is to absolutely write real things someday. I once had an epic dream for a music and food based magazine. I thought it would be fun to have my husband create recipes and wine pairings and I could have columns about the music to listen to while eating like "Pinot Noir and pasta requires Michael Buble to complete the evening." I'm ironic like that.

I also wanted to do some crazy romantic fiction because never in my life would anyone expect that from me and I bet that's a money-maker like Danielle Steele! I don't know about branding myself or having a real business name unless it came with a store front. And those you'll never get out of me. 

But if you do have suggestions for blog names, please comment! I know how to find them now!

Wednesday, August 15, 2018

Challenge Day Two: 20 Facts About Me

So we meet again for blog challenge day two and I'm to give you 20 facts about me. Here we go!

1. I'm only 5 foot 1 and 1/2 inches tall and my husband says the 1/2 makes me sound ridiculous so just say "Five foot two."

2. My favorite stone is a Moonstone, which people confuse with Mood Stone which is not the same thing at all.

3. I have freakishly small feet for a grown woman.

4. My favorite band is, and will always be, Hanson. And no I'm not even remotely ashamed.

5. I'm deathly, not-even-funny-to-joke-about afraid of snakes. All of them.

6. I'm a terrible swimmer, I almost drowned 5 times before age 12 and at age 22 I took swim lessons at the YMCA and still have water issues. I'm mostly comfortable dog paddling.

7. I bite my nails when I'm anxious, which happens a lot.

8. I love roller-coasters.

9. I'm not the best roller skater but I dream of being on a derby team because I think that would be so fun.

10. I'm a decent tennis player but I rarely play.

11. I'm the only redhead in my entire family on both sides. So I married a redhead and created my own.

12. I wanted to be a music writer when I started going to school and college crushed my dreams but still gave me a degree.

13. I hate chocolate and peanut butter together, but enjoy them very much separately.

14. I'm a coffee snob.

15. Besides the fact that there are no snakes there, I have no desire to see Hawaii in my lifetime.

16. I'm a highly-creative under-acheiver.

17. I haven't read most "classic" books that are staples of high school and coming of age literature and I don't intend to read them.

18. I hate olives and have tried all the varieties. 

19. I don't cook anything real at all. I'm not kidding. I can bake things a bit, I can make mac and cheese and sometimes Crock-pot things, but I can't cook anything edible. 

20. Music is healing for me in every way, it can completely change my day and is therapeutic and something I hold very dear.

So now you know a bit more about me! Feel free to post commentary and tell me about you!

Tuesday, August 14, 2018

One Month Blog Challenge: Introduction

Well hey there readers and fellow bloggers! To quote the great Austin Powers, "Allow myself to introduce...myself."

My name is Alison Chriss, formerly Alison Egan-Lodjic. I'm a mother of one fierce five year old girl, the wife to a tall, redheaded chef, a dog mom to Brodie Brewster, the seven year old fawn-colored pug, a wannabe writer, a full time executive assistant and newsletter editor for a financial news network based in St. Petersburg, Florida and a graduate of the University of Oregon with a bachelor of arts in Magazine Journalism.

I'm really short, but what I lack in size I make up for in loudness and sass. I'm also a lot for people to deal with and recently found out I'm an introvert and extrovert all at once. I'm kind of a mess but I kinda love that about myself.  Anyway, I found an every day blog post challenge and I'm taking it. Why? To bore you all. Well, more-so, to write and get back to myself and a little bit to see if I can get some readers to relate!

I feel like we live in a social media society where measurements of accomplishments and happiness are based on likes, emojis and activity on various apps. While I love the ability to check out wedding and baby photos, first day of school and vacation pictures, I think social media also preys on our anxieties and insecurities. As some of my friends and readers know, I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety in my college years. I have gotten very mixed responses in my sharing of these issues and how they weigh on me as I am unable to take any medicines to aid them because of a family history of drug abuse.

Some friends have said, "Hey, look at you doing all the things to manage them, you're kicking ass!" This sparked meaningful, deep conversations about their inner struggles, their finding balance with or without medication, what worked for them and made my heart calm and at peace because I had bridged a personally insecure gap and found more common ground with someone. Some friends have urged me not to post about these things and feel my honesty about my depression and anxiety and their effects on my life could adversely come back to me later.

My intent with all my writing is this: If ONE reader, If one PERSON, reads my blog and RELATES, in ANY way, I've reached someone and therefore reached my goal. I'm admittedly a bad reader, considering I'm an aspiring writer. I don't read as much as I should, but when I read a post from a blog or book or article, or a silly meme or Facebook post, even an Instagram update that makes me feel less "in it," in this high-functioning world; when I relate to another human and have a humbling, peaceful moment, it makes up for all those anxieties that bombard my mind and soul.

During this challenge you might learn things about me that you don't like. You might as yourself, "Why am I reading this crap?" Maybe this whole challenge is a selfish thing for me after all, but it's nice to change it up and do some kind of new version of self care. If any of you are like me, you put yourself below last. You don't even slow down and eat dinner until the trash is out, or you forget to take even 15 minutes to yourself, because you're so wrapped up in everything else. This challenge will be for us all then. Maybe your challenge is just to read it from time to time.

So let me thank my readers in advance because you're taking the time to read after I took the time to write. Maybe I'll get it "write" this time!

Feedback is welcome and check back tomorrow. It's on!


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