Now I like to think of myself as traditionally
untraditional, meaning we take a little bit of morality, ethics, and ideals,
and mash them into what works for us. By nature, I’m a very cynical, sarcastic
and outgoing being. My father forced me into optimism. Every time people
screwed me over he kept reminding me that faith in the human race is worth it
after all.
Now I don’t want to say certain things are “right” and
others “wrong” but there is a societal and social order in which things are
more easily accepted. I chose to follow that order and it came as such: Date
some boys, play some games, find the one you can make it work with, move in
together to test the last-ability, get engaged, graduate school, get married
and have babies.
We live in a universe where families of all shapes, sizes,
makes and molds exist, but in the secretly conservative world we coexist in,
should we really expect the idea of first comes marriage, then comes the baby
carriage to be out of style? Sure we’re more accepting of the out of tradition
molds. Divorce is like a staple of the nation now, but can I just ask for some
brownie points for doing things as society asked and really making it work?
Not only that but to come into a union out of choice instead
of circumstance? Where’s the certificate of achievement for that!? There are so
many walks of life, and we are forced to recognize, respect and celebrate all
of them at one time or another, but what about those of us that worked at it?
Yes, all relationships and facets of life itself are “work,” but some have it
harder than others.
Personally I have overcome severe depression without
medication, family addiction, personal losses such as death and grief, and the
general betrayal by and of loved ones in the form of money, personal conflicts
and judgments. And who hasn’t?! But there is a dignity with which to accept the
lot in life you are given, and even with a fit of rage and many mistakes, the
choices to guide yourself out of the darkness should be rewarded.
My husband and I CHOSE to be with each other because we knew
we were a great match. I CHOSE to turn my outlook on life around without being
medicated. I CHOSE to finish school and create an opportunity for myself. I
CHOSE to take my family history into account when making lifestyle choices to
better my situations. My husband and I CHOSE to live within our means, to move
into new surroundings to enrich our lifestyle and adulthood and we CHOSE to have
our amazing child.
Many aren’t so lucky. Although I may seem ungrateful at
times, I know how lucky I am, but that doesn’t deter the periodic frustration
with the general dealings of the world we live in.
So many American households have mountains of debt, student
loans and consumer credit issues. My husband and I have never had more than
5,000$ in debt at one time. We have both sustained full time jobs and taken
care of ourselves without too much dependence on the outside world with two
exceptions, and one of those was a medical emergency.
Since medical debt is as trendy as divorce, it shocks me
that this actually counts against you. Even when someone has great health
insurance, you still end up paying medical bills, and the amounts of said bills
are enough to put you right back in the hospital with a heart or panic attack!
We have no car loans or outstanding tickets. We’ve never had
a car payment and have come into car ownership within the means of the money we
have. When we needed extras, we turned to credit cards, like most. And by
extras, I don’t mean flat screen TVs and fancy vacations. We paid for a vet
visit for the dog that snuck up on us, a repair on the car that was overlooked,
and new shoes for work, new glasses, or a walk in clinic visit for a minor
medical emergency.
So after the birth of our amazing daughter and feeling
triumphant that we’d done so well with money and hadn’t racked up too much in
my absence from work, we thought we should really do some future discussion and
enter the world of grown-ups: house ownership.
One of our closest friends had just purchased a house and we
thought, well why not. Now all the hoops you have to jump through could
practically be written in Greek. I don’t get it, but that word “pre-qualify”
came up and we knew the numbers would have to be “run.” Now I knew my husband’s
credit was trashed but mine was pretty good, but he made all the money.
After being optimistic out the ass as I always have to be,
even when I really just want to run into a cave and hide from the unfair nature
that is our lives, the nice lady over the phone with the results basically told
us that our ideals and optimism were shot. No house this year, and we had a bit
of a yellow brick road situation with some flying monkeys to deal with. Perhaps
having a house actually fall on us would be the most viable option.
As she was winding me around all the jargon I don’t
understand on the phone and I’m shaking my head to my husband all I could
picture was the moving poster from Harry Potter reading “Undesirable #1.” And
then I got a bit worked up.
Why is it that some of the most rotten people we know get
things handed to them like inheritances, newer cars, and an endless supply of
family hand outs, and we live paycheck to paycheck, pinch pennies and have no
luxuries in our midst and can’t catch a break? And it’s not just us! Some of
our most wonderful and hardworking friends ALSO have shit luck, and then we
watch these thankless, selfish assholes make the grade!?!
For lack of a better word: Bullshit. So I wound myself into
a mental cyclone and then look down at my daughter, who had a very challenging
first month of life, and was reminded of something: things aren’t really THAT
bad. And as bad as it is to say, they can always get worse!
It’s an unfairish life if you ask me, but in turn, I shouldn’t
be looking for others to justify my life. Sure I may have played it “by the
book” and made choices as close to the guidelines I’d been raised with as I
could, but just because some of our “frenemies” lived outside of it, is no true
reflection of what we have made for ourselves. We get enough judgment in the
world without asking, so I shouldn’t be seeking approval from anyone. Why waste
time longing for brownie points when we could just be making brownies?!
I think about the people I admire the most that have had to
deal with some horrible things in life. I think about the people who work so
hard and who have shared their worry and stories with us. I think about karma
and how the truly wretched people will pay for their wrongdoings and mistakes.
But mostly I realize that those people who seemingly have it “better” than you
or us probably have a whole set of problems we couldn’t even fathom! The more
money the more problems, right P. Diddy?
So I put myself back into check and realized no matter how
bitter the diatribe, no matter how bad the moment, the day or the situation, we
have more than we’ll ever need: each other. It’s corny and cliché for sure, but
that doesn’t make it any less true.
We, as a society, live very closed and secretive lives.
Somewhere along the timeline we lost our ability to sympathize and share
heartfelt stories and now relate almost everything to a “status” change or “check
in.” These updates currently allow us to call ourselves socialized. Well, my
status change will read “On our way to the life we want, one day at a time.” And
I guess we’ll check in as we end up in each stage of life, however bitter the
diatribe that the unfairish life had brought us from.
