The Vomit Draft

I'm sitting here listening to Dax Shepard interview Mike Schur on my ArmChair Expert podcast, and for those of you who don't pay attention to sitcom writers, Mike Schur did a lot of work on the American adaptation of The Office, he did Parks and Recreation and now has brought us my new obsession, The Good Place. They are talking about all kinds of things but I was very attentive as they started to talk about writing.

As a serious fan of these shows, meaning, I can quote the Office like Friends, Parks and Rec is just becoming more and more my default binge-watch, and The Good Place is just so frigging awesome, it's pretty interesting to hear Mike Schur talk about the writing process and how he operates. Dax Shepard brought up something that totally just blew me away, saying that he allows himself to just write terribly from time to time, and to just know that sometimes things will come out horrible and be utter garbage. He accepts this and allows it.

Mike Schur called this "The Vomit Draft." It is named so as something that is just proverbially "puked out," with yuck results but is stuff that you need to get out of you to be able to better write the next draft and the next draft. It seriously got the wheels turning in Anxious Alison's mind.

Dax Shepard also mentioned that if you sit down and think you're going to just write Shakespearean on the first try, you'll probably fail miserably because that's not a realistic expectation or even fair goal. But to allow yourself to have some crap amidst the good is much better.

I'm not sure if I proclaim myself as a "writer" really, as more of a ridiculous blogging enthusiast with some followers. I'd love to be paid to be a writer. Especially if I can write cutting edge things about why the Office is awesome and Parks and Rec is epic as well. I'm not sure I can hob nob with the "writing" elite just yes.

I'd love to have the time and creative space to write a book but, I'm not so sure that's realistic, let alone to be anything like Shakespeare goals. I think that blogging daily is the closest I've gotten in years to getting my writing done in a productive way and I'm pretty sure that Haiku, which was barely a Haiku was a "vomit draft."

The whole thing was fascinating to me. We put these ideals on people and imagine that writing just pours out into liquid gold. We assume that all of the writers of the shows we love have it all figured out and everything is a perfect puzzle. We forget that, they too, have to wade through the crap, er uh, vomit if you will.

Some days I can write these raw, fun, amazing pieces of myself and people read and say "Yay!" Other days I struggle to find something that's not vomit. It's kind of comforting to know that the writers that I admire have the same kind of days.

I also kind of love that it is well known as "The Vomit Draft," apparently. To me this is hilarious. As a mom, you get used to gross things fast, like poop, pee and puke. Ironically my husband has a Vince Vaughn in Four Christmases-like approach,

 

and he just immediately heaves and needs to get himself away. For me, I'll be covered in puke and still comforting the kid. Moms, and I guess writers can handle the vomit. My husband is very much akin to Alec Baldwin in 30 Rock:

I think creativity is rough, regardless, and there will always be someone who can do it better. I once tried to make a wreath at a Halloween thing my crafty mom friend threw, it was better as a centerpiece and could easily be posted as a Pinterest fail. I got to play with a hot glue gun though, so that was fun, but my friend made the wreath perfectly, and 3 other wreaths perfectly so, yeah, she has that part down. There will always be someone who does it differently, and with better results.

I can probably write more easily than others, though, and definitely better than a few. Essays, reviews, summaries and such come so naturally to me. So, everyone has their thing and for me, it's much more writing than anything else, even amidst the "vomit drafts."

Mostly the writing discussion on the podcast made me feel even more affirmation in my Podcasting choices and obsession, but also in my writing. In recent discoveries and acknowledgement of my growth, it seems as though some of these routines have been super fruitful and helpful in different areas of life and I'm embracing that success. Win!

On this particular Tuesday, where I am tired and emotionally a little done, I feel triumphant in knowing I'm doing okay even when I "vomit draft" a haiku or weekend post that is lackluster. For those of you faithful readers that endure it, just know it is part of everyone's writing process; I'm letting you in on my musings, good and bad! 

You Won't Hear Me Complain About My Job...Finally

I can complain a lot. Most of us can. Back to, "It's always something," am I right? But after 10 years in the mainstream work force, and many jobs, my current job will not be something I complain about.

I've had maybe 3 legitimately bad days when it comes to specific work-related things since I've taken this job, 2 years ago this May. I can't say that for any other job outside of nannying, and probably when I worked at Massage Envy because I learned a bunch there and worked with great people.

I go through a twilight period with jobs where I'm grateful and stay positive even though transitions are super hard for me, and then when the new wears off and things get real, I kind of can get stir crazy and uncomfortable. After some truly bad and hurtful experiences with jobs, I now just carry with me the people I found through them that have added value to my life, instead of focusing on the negative and pain. I have found some amazing people throughout my employment history.

The hardest part for me is my personality. It gets me in trouble often. I'm you're best friend if you want me to be, or I can be an enemy. It's up to you. Once it becomes apparent to me that you don't like me as person, we don't need to do anything but be civil towards one another, which sometimes can border on fake, but hey, haters gonna hate. My biggest hurdle has been when people don't recognize the job I do, but rather complain about me as a person.

My being a "bitch" or, in my mind, being focused on making sure the job gets done, doesn't matter unless I'm being a bitch to a boss, or worse, a customer. I don't have to be best friends with my-coworkers but I also don't have to accept their lack of common sense with a smile. I also learned quickly never to add your bosses onto your social media. Not because I post inappropriate things, but moreso, it's another way for them to judge you.

It took me 8 years to get where I am now and I can confidently say I'm not going anywhere. I've never been so grateful and so aware of being in a place that is so wonderful, kind and accepting of even the worst parts of myself in the job position. There are deadlines and time sensitive things, but also I can go to the bathroom whenever I want, take lunch or schedule appointments and not have to choose between getting paid what I need, or needing to get a physical.

Because I'm grateful, I take care of my work place and have realistic expectations in much better ways than ever before. So when someone asks me how work is, my new auto-response is, "Work is always fine. My job is the easiest part of my life." This truth makes me happy.

Motherhood will always make me feel inferior. I worry about everything messing my kid up, especially my personality making her stress more and having less success later. With my job I can come in, do my stuff, go home, and get paid knowing I did what I needed to. I don't stress about work at home. Work is work, home is home. If anything my home life totally infiltrates my work, and I'm just thankful to have approachable bosses that I can tell when things are up. If I have a sick kid or some kind of issue I can leave with no punishment and worry. This is a luxury I've never been afforded.

My first couple jobs in Florida were pretty treacherous and bad for me mentally. Massage Envy is where I found some of my tribe and learned so much, leaving me able to grow and thrive. No boss is ideal, but I felt like I could at least talk to them if life things came up and never felt too afraid I'd just get fired.

The other places I worked just weren't as comfortable,  my job right before this one, was especially uncomfortable. That was a misstep, but hey it brought me here. I jumped into something overwhelming, got myself in over my head in about 400 ways, and was very much not happy there. I know you're supposed to get out of your comfort zone to grow, but this wasn't the correct test of that, unfortunately. Also, my personality got me into trouble again because I spoke up for myself, which didn't go very well.

When the opportunity to work where I am now came up, aside from more money, the job itself was impossible to refuse because it was actually using my degree. The fact that I get to edit, and still have time to freelance write, is beyond huge for me. Everything else is just a perk.

There's so much exterior stress in my life; so many personal hurdles and things to work on and overcome. It's beyond amazing to know my work is my work and no one is breathing down my neck or micromanaging to make me mess up worse than I might already. 

And I love not complaining about my job. I love feeling comfortable and capable at something. I love my daily tasks, routines and ability to rock some customer service and editing. It feels good to be in an Alison-friendly workplace so I really embrace it and I think it makes me try harder. 

It makes me wish this for everyone, and I now understand all the job change and job struggle stuff for so many of my peers because it might not be about doing what you love, but rather just not hating where you work to where you dread a place you spend 40 hours a week. So I feel so grateful and I hold that close. And if you hate your job, I put out all the positive vibes that you find a place to thrive. For a mess like me, it has made all the difference in the quality of life.

Happy Monday!

Weekends Go Too Fast - A Haiku

Weekends go too fast

Chores are done, house is calm

Laundry folded, laundry clean

Haiku writing is so weird

I'm really exhausted, I need carbs

Walk the dog, feed the dog

I should try more another Haiku

After I am rested I can try

Rest, reboot, take care of yourself

Weekends go too fast

Saturday gone, Happy Sunday

Short post, finished post

New Shows, New Crafts, New Projects - No Motivation

Since I've been in the process of the un-funk, I take everyone else down with the ship, so to speak. I have this amazing habit, of when I don't know what to watch or what to do with myself, I turn on The Office or Friends. Mostly, The Office gets the pick. Comfort zones just so familiar and easy.

I've made myself watch all new, unfamiliar shows. Success. I've started podcasting. Success. I started new workout stuff, still new but success. And now I've pushed it onto my kid.

We had dinner outside this week because why the hell not? We read new books this week together because we could. And I'm forcing her to try new shows because she defaults to watching My Little Pony Friendship is Rare, like I watch The Office, over and over and over again. 

She has not been an easy sell. I've been pushing new PBS-like things from Prime. Pete the Cat was so far my only success.

My sisters are wonderful at sending me real projects to do with my child. Like lengthy, time consuming projects. One is a sewing kit. We have a half made puppy. She gets very frustrated quickly and easily on this one. Now we are working on a home-made pinata kit. Yes, my daughter has recently discovered the wonder that is a pinata. And I mentioned this to my sister and in her recent Easter care package, the pinata kit was waiting for her.

She is currently gluing fringe on the Pinata talking at me. It's pretty much the best.

My dad, my daughter and I all share the incessant need to have projects and create in times of mental stress and anxiety. Sometimes I hate that I passed it down to her but in the instance of the pinata it's amazing.

The worst part is my motivation is flailing. I really need to step it up. I make no apologies for being tired. I work full time have a kid and dog and husband. I'm a tired mama; there are not enough hours in the day.

But I am very much that person who just feels the drive to improve and push, push and improve, consistently. I will always work harder, or extra if I can get to some of my goals. 

The new shows are fun because I feel like Netflix and the like are just never-ending watch lists. How are we supposed to make a dent in that? I've found the Good Place, Glow and of course, Maniac as mentioned before. My daughter found some new Barbie Series, Give a Mouse a Cookie and Pete the Cat.

New crafts are always fun. I consider myself a ghetto crafter. For me it is always about cheap supplies and it never has to look, just right. The important thing is the creativity, in my humble opinion. 

I always have a list of new projects, how many of them actually start and are completed in reasonable amounts of time is a whole different thing. I'm not one to take on too big of things when I know they will sit unfinished because that is the stuff that bugs me. However, projects make me happy. 

So here it is, a silly Saturday filled with cleaning and craziness. There are always looming plans, play dates and dysfunctions. I have laundry to fold and people to see. While I'm feeling calm and far more peaceful than a few weeks ago, I'm very aware of the wobbly-ness. This has been mentioned before as a favorite word and I still embrace it, completely.

I've been around enough of the stress of others to know where to take a step back and where to watch new shows, start new crafts and keep finding new projects for sure. So enjoy this weekend and I'm sure I will have an entire entry devoted to that of the pinata adventure soon!

I Looked On Pinterest For Blog Ideas...Here Is The Result

I just wanted some blog prompt ideas. I really didn't know what would come up. This is one that caught my eye. So, for fun, I'm actually going to do this entire list in this post. Yeah, get ready!

1. Spring Bucket List - I don't think I'm organized enough to have a life bucket list, let alone one for spring. Also, I live in Florida so spring is more of like a pre-summer with varying degrees of sweaty-ness. If I had to put something on my spring bucket list it would be, going to the beach. 

2. Spring and Easter Do It Yourself - I will never give you advice on how to do anything crafty because it would end up on the Pinterest Fail boards. I can follow okay directions but I'm much better with the whole, "Paint the bird house" like it looks in the picture thing. I also feel like I have no business telling anyone to do who, except my husband, child and dog. 

3. Easter Cupcake Recipe - Insert laugh track here. Go buy a Betty Crocker box of cupcake mix, read the directions, cover in icing and sprinkles. Eat. There ya go. I would never instruct others on how to cook. I'm barely allowed in my own kitchen to make a sandwich let alone actually cooking. 

4. Spring Cleaning Tips - Buy a robo-vac. Eufy is my favorite. Best money I have ever spent.

5. Photo Diary - Also known as Instagram. Find me there. Follow me if ya want.

6. Spring Clean Your Wardrobe - I did a huge purge. I feel better. But as far as this goes, it has to be up to you. If it feels overwhelming, wait until you get that urge to just say no to keeping things. Or perhaps make a "maybe" pile in case.

7. Spring Fashion Wishlist - As a mom, are we allowed to have a wishlist outside of "Coffee, quiet and sleep?" I stopped Wishlist-ing things years ago. It became a sad twist of like "remember when you used to want that nice purse but then you needed new tires?" Um no. Fashion Wishlist? How about $40 to spend at Old Navy to see how many items you can come home with? Challenge accepted. Shopping is usually more of a chore than fun anymore. Ugh, adulting blows. 

8. Do a Spring tag - No idea what this means. Like #spring? Not quite sure. 

9. Spring Nail Art Tutorial - Wait, I'm supposed to have the time to cook, clean, bake, do my closet, give craft advice, take myself shopping and do my own nails well? Is this blog idea based on a human or robot. I just had my first manicure in like 2 years people. I'm lucky to get two pedicures a year if that. I'm in no position to tutorial anything nail related unless you need a how to on making an appointment.

10. What you eat in a day - This one should be called - How to loathe yourself in one paragraph. Which day? A good day? A bad day? It goes like this: coffee, cereal, coffee, water, yogurt, some kind of lunch-type small meal, maybe leftovers, coffee/tea then small snack, huge salad with lots of things and La Croix, random candy/cookie type desert, tea, bed. Sometimes I sub the salad with other leftovers or a junk binge. Weekends usually do not have this structure. On a bad day there is twice the coffee and lots of junk food.

11. Spring look book - I can't even. What does this even mean and why does it sound like some kind of Dr. Seuss-ian thing?

12. Favorite Scents - Sweet Pea at Bath and Body Works, Anything Coconut, fresh baked cookies, when my husband makes buffalo sauce and/or tacos, fire pits. 

13. Events in your Town/City - Safety Harbor is all events, all the time. There are few months where there aren't things to do every weekend. Google it all! 

14. Spring Skincare Routine - Is this supposed to differ from my regular skincare routine? Is there like a Peeps FaceMask I'm missing out on? I wash my face, where little make-up all either E.L.F or Covergirl, and then try to remember to moisturize.You're welcome.

15. Easter Egg Taste Test - Okay so my husband and I have very differing views on this. We have never ever done traditional egg-dying with our child. Why? Back in my day we used to dye hundreds of eggs and hide them for the church egg hunt, before plastic eggs were affordable and everywhere. It was less fun and more of a chore so I do not enjoy. Plus no one but my dad ate hard-boiled eggs, I hated the smell and my mom always complained. So, this one is out. 

16. Fitness Routine - I'm up at 5 every morning to hit 9 Rounds Fitness and get my 30 minutes of kickboxing in. If I miss a morning I try to sneak in later and still get my time 5 days a week, minimum.

17. 10 Things I Love About Spring - 1) Easter chocolate sales 2) The smell of Lilacs 3) Rainy days 4) My daughter's Easter Crafts 5) My daughter's excitement about Easter 6) People with pretty and manicured yards that have amazing flowers growing for me to admire passing by 7) Allergies ruining my joy of everything else listed previously 8) The Justin Timberlake It's Gonna Be May memes 9) The time before the humidity comes when it's comfortable outside 10) Fresh fruit

18. Books I will be reading - "Theft By Finding" by David Sedaris will take me quite some time as I'm the slowest reader ever, but that's what's on my nightstand.

19. Spring make-up look - Not too old, not too young, and not like I may be moonlighting as a hooker or stripper. that is what I'm going for at least. Anything to cover the tired.

20. Photography Tips - If you can't get the selfie in the first 10 shots, try again later. Also, by the time you get the phone ready to take the picture you probably just missed the rest of the moment.. Just enjoy the moment. Unlike social media may have you believe, you actually don't need to capture every single moment as proof of "happiness."

21. Spring homeware haul - I. Don't. Buy. Nice. Things. I have a dog and child. That one was super easy.

22. Spring Decor Tour - See #21. That one was even easier.

23. 5 Blogs to Follow - Mine, The one I write daily, Other Mom Blogs, This one, and My blog. 

24. Cafe/Restaurant Review - I'm kind of a harsh critic. I also don't go out to each much. I highly recommend GiggleWaters, Parts of Paris, Mystic Fish, Cafe Vino Tino, Elizabeth's Cafe and Bakery, and the Sandwich on Main. I say with confidence that at those establishments, your money is very well spent.

25. Packing For A Spring Break - I am 34 with a 6 year old and I live in Florida. Spring break does not exist for me, as I work full time and my kid is just in aftercare camp when she's not at school. I would pack clothes though. Good tip, right?

26. Spring GRWM. I got nothing. What does this even mean? Yeah, I'm not going there.

27. Easter/Spring Recipe - I don't cook edible things. Can I make you a reservation?

28. Lush Easter Haul - Like the brand Lush? I don't buy nice stuff anymore, but I did love their bath bombs back in the days where I knew how to relax.

29. How to do the perfect flatlay - I have no idea what a perfect flatlay is. I suppose you could Google it. I have no interest in this really and I realized this list is British so, yeah I definitely feel a little lost in translation here.

30. Best cities to go to for Spring Break - Anywhere that isn't your home? As a Floridian, Spring Break stinks because we are crowded with spring breakers and our beaches much be shared along with restaurants and everything else. So I would imagine just being lucky enough to have a spring break trip would be pretty cool.

So I did thirty little posts and I feel accomplished. Some of them are far more silly than others but what an interesting way to kick off the weekend. Come on 4:15PM, let's get here fast and get this weekend started! Happy Friday Readers!

Progress In Podcasting

So it was April 8th I decided to join the rest of the free world in the podcasting phenomenon. I would say that my top one is still, "How Did This Get Made," but more often I listen to Dax Shepard's ArmChair Expert. The reason for this came to me yesterday in an Instagram discussion yesterday.

Social Media definitely has it's pros and cons. As a Game of Throne fan, social media is a dangerous place to be for spoiler alerts. As an anxious human, the rabbit holes on social media, are the stuff of Alice In Wonderland down a long and windy shoot to the little door. I'm the one who always ends up crying until I'm minimized to the jar that floats me away.

Facebook and I have been like those roommates that went to separate new places and now are trying to figure out if they can stay amicable. I feel like after any Facebook interaction, outside of memories or quippy memes, I end up irritated. But my heart lies with Instagram forever.

Why Instagram? I love following celebrities. One of my favorites that I follow happens to be the wife of Dax Shepherd, Kristen Bell. From her personal stories of parenthood, marriage and parent fails to just how endearing she is, it's hard not to be entertained. But I also love how...inherently "regular" these celebrities can be.

I follow many celebrities and musicians and love seeing updates and teasers of their work, when they post family pictures, jokes, fan art things and stories of their lives. Jenna Fischer documents her obsession and struggle with making homemade bread from scratch. Tom Hanks posts random pictures of gloves, shoes and such lost in New York on sidewalks and streets. And it's their accounts so they are posting these things. What a cool way to feel connected and find commonality.

Besides that, I love that it's picture based. It could be a quote or just a snapshot of cute puppies, but pictures are nice. Much better than status updates that are complaining and bitter, in my humble opinion. The stories and videos are fantastic as well. Maybe I'm going through withdrawals.

In my podcasting time, I have felt that connection with celebrities though, and it's refreshing. Dax Shepard gets his guests to talk about any range of subjects from acting to marriage, parenting, embarrassing stories and their career journeys. It's very humbling to hear some of these stories.

I loved his interaction with his wife when she was on. Seth Green was another amazing guest. He had David Sedaris on, which made my heart happy. Other favorite guests of mine include Johnny Knoxville, Mila Kunis, Kathryn Hahn, and Mae Whitman, and I'm still catching up!

Part of the fun is following the ArmChair Expert Instagram feed, Dax Shepard's Instagram feed, and those of the interviewees that I like. Because then you get further insight and a view to their world.

I have a friend that is on Facebook, but not Instagram and I keep encouraging her to make the switch because, although I'm on a social media hiatus, I feel like I do worlds better just engaging with Instagram, than I ever did being engulfed into Facebook. It's very frustrating that you do miss out on certain parts of life when you keep these things out of your daily routine but Dax's podcast with Matthew Lilliard from last year brought up a statistic that if you spend two hours a day on social media, by the end of the year, you've spend a month of that year in your life on social media. That's a little jarring to me. WOW.

I can admit that I'm probably much, MUCH worse than that and I hate it. The time that I have without checking it every what, hour or so, or sometimes with more ridiculous frequency, is almost disturbing and I have noticed a more positive shift in my mood. Truly.

I've added ArmChair expert to my morning routine and I love it. I come into work and while I'm getting the morning started I just listen away and smile and laugh to the interactions. It's made a nice addition to the grind and I even got my husband to listen so we kind of trade notes on "Oh hey, you'd like this one because..."

So after almost two full weeks in podcasting, I've definitely made some good progress. While I'm still open to suggestions I've found a comfort zone in terms of my attention span and willingness to venture towards other ones of different genres. Tomorrow marks about a week of the hiatus in Instagram and I'm not sure of a return date. I really want to commit to some more mental situating before putting myself back in the mix.

We are at Friday eve, and I'm ready for the weekend ahead and good routines. There have been so many strange emotional hurdles lately that while I've embraced the wobbly feeling, I'm happy to be a little more sure of my footing this week. Self care has been instrumental, as in finding the right conversations with my tribe. Thanks for sticking with me!

The Reasons Why I Think Netflix's Series "Maniac" Is A Gorgeous Mental Health Awareness Journey

Netflix released a show called "Maniac" which has been on my "I have to sit down and watch that" list for almost a year or whenever it first came out. I love Emma Stone and Jonah Hill, especially together.

I was probably the only person on the planet who didn't understand all the fuss about La La Land. Don't get me wrong, Emma Stone performed wonderfully, sang and danced like a champ, but the plot went from weird to worse and then was so utterly depressing I would have rather just subjected myself to the Notebook twice in a row. On top of that I found the only cute scene to be the one where they are literally dancing around their own attraction, but who doesn't want to stare at Ryan Gosling? So, I lost 2 hours of my life, whatever.

I consider Maniac as Emma Stone's personal apology to me for La La Land, as ridiculous as that may seem, it makes me feel better to think of it that way. I found the series to be a strange triumph.

I'll keep spoilers to a minimum as I encourage you to watch on your own, but it's futuristic, trippy, sometimes a little out there, gripping, dramatic and emotional.

Long story short, in a somewhat futuristic version of NYC we meet Jonah Hill's character, who is immediately shown as confused and quickly outed as mentally unstable. This is followed by meeting Emma Stone, who is definitely fragile, possibly addicted and reliving some trauma, by her own choice.

The stories wind you all over, but Emma Stone and Jonah Hill end up testing a pharmaceutical drug to "fix" your mental and emotional trauma from some new futuristic company run primarily by forms of Artificial Intelligence. It takes us inside the minds of Stone and Hill for these weird dream-like reflections of what actually happened to them in real life, or some semblance of it. Somehow, against every programming issue and all odds, Hill and Stone keep meeting in each other's dream sequence as if the universe is pushing them together.

Throughout the series they drop these beautiful little hints to say, "big pharma can't cure," that's what therapy is for. Little nuances of "therapy is good but invokes complicated emotions," and "addiction is another hurdle of these advertised cures, by the way" are peppered throughout the story, along with other weird life truths that are often glossed over in most series with comedy, instead of confronted.

I will spoil a little, this is not a love story or even romantic. It's more, bonding through shared trauma and understanding how messed up things can be. It touched my heart by the end of it, to know that you could embrace your struggles if you have the right tribe:

I think we often find ourselves in a place where we feel like we need to find a cure for our ills and for most of society, we self medicate with what we can get our hands on: alcohol, recreational drugs, coffee, soda, food, cigarettes, the gym, how we eat, the list can go on and on. 

Then we see great advertisements offering a "cure" for your anxiety, depression and so on and so forth when really we just need to face the demons. This whole facing your inner demons thing is handled quite intensely and beautifully throughout the series for almost every character with which it is associated. It's figuratively, metaphorically and plainly executed throughout the stories, now that I think about it, and it's entertaining as hell.

This was one of those shows I just couldn't stop watching in terms of, you're locked on the screen because you need to try and make sense of it all. There are so many facets within that you're like, "Is that real, or imagined?"

It was darkly funny and ironic at moments, but ultimately very dramatic and heartfelt. Starting the series came to me at a time when I needed it most. It was a wonderful distraction but also kind of a reminder that even in dark, uncertain, weird mental times, you can find commonality and friendships.

If you can't get into the dreamy, whimsical fantasy mixed with bits of reality, you may not be able to get into it, but I for one found it refreshing and comforting. I commend Jonah Hill and Emma Stone for their artistic adventure. Currently this only has one season, and they ended it in such a way that a second season isn't necessary, but I'm kind of open to it.

Happy Wednesday readers! If you need a weekend binge-watch, you're welcome!

That's Pinteresting!

Funny story; I have a mom friend and just about 3 years ago she says to me, "I found this new website called Pin-interest! It has so many ideas for the birthday party!" I said sweetly, "Pinterest. It's called Pinterest." Her enthusiasm was right on, even if the pronunciation was off.

All women know Pinterest. This is factual. Nine years ago I tried to get my husband on board and he instantly became pissed off because he could only see pictures of the food, but not recipes. Let's just say Pinterest has come a LONG way. My husband still is not a fan.

As part of my social media break you might think I would avoid Pinterest, but you would be so wrong. I can spend hours on there, mostly because I'm a quote hoarder. I LOVE movie quotes, music quotes, motivational quotes, and little sayings. I'm considering starting to use some as writing prompts for fictional pieces, but sometimes they just get in there and stick. 

While I've noticed my reader numbers are a bit lower (so thank you for those who have stuck with me) I've been enjoying my time away from Facebook and Instagram. I'm still unsure as to when I will reemerge, so I've definitely turned towards Pinterest.

I stopped filling my boards and pins with furniture, clothing, and "things" I'll never have, but mostly just collect all of these quotes. So today we'll walk through a little bit of what has been on my radar.

Part of my social media siesta is getting back to myself. I've disclosed bit by bit it's been a rough run. Sometimes I look in the mirror with judgment and anger, with disappointment and frustration, but without social media influencing my anxieties, I want to keep reminding myself, I've been through some crap but I'm still here.

It's a hard sell, some days, but a good affirmation. I can always visit my board if I need a visual reminder.

This one I've been meditating on A LOT. I've recently lost touch with someone I'd considered a great friend and support. Maybe I can't even say lost touch, but I have two messages unanswered and even a note via snail mail unrecognized, so I'm kinda assuming this is a ghosting type thing? I'm in "hope for the best, prepare for the worst mode." I've just been rationalizing that, I was super great as a friend and will never give up on them, but if they have timed out on that friendship, I just need to let it float on. My coping mechanism is just daily reminders and a lot of just wishing them well with good vibes in the universe because what else is there?

This is also part of the social media stuff. There is a double-edged sword feeling for me when it comes to being able to "check in" on people or be "checked in" on by others. My best friend called me out as "Stalker-y" because I got into that Instagram feature where you can see who viewed your story, almost like a different form of a "like."

I went through a weird phase where being "liked" in that way but not acknowledged in life was mental torture. Then I transformed my perspective into a kind of, this maybe is a person's way of "checking in on you," without having a conversation for x,y,z reasons. But I kind of hit my limit and just decided to breathe deeply and take a long walk towards some peace.

Staying low key is like a superpower. Also, side note, one of my few, but largest issues with Pinterest, is the spelling errors. Low key is two words people. Two.

This one is undeniably true right now; intensely so. I work so hard on cultivating my wants and needs and sometimes the universe saying no is inadvertently a yes in the end. Isn't that Pinteresting?!?

I could do this all day and post 1,000 memes with 5,000 reactions. For me, it is a great distraction and allows me to have necessary reflection points. Sometimes I find those words that I just needed to read in the perfect moment. Sometimes I revisit all the things I've "pinned" and a month ago I was feeling the same and saved something that I needed today. It's a weird kind of new age diary, in a way.

Pinterest also has secret boards where you don't have to share everything with anyone who "follows" you, which I like. I have all kinds of secret nerdy tattoo dreams saved on there and I love them.

Some of my boards are literally things that I know I'm not organized or talented enough for accomplishing well, but a girl can dream! I think that's the fun part, is the dreaming. I stay away from dream trip boards, only because for me personally, it could become a daunting or depressing thing later but some people take their boards very seriously.

I have a few friends I send random pins and memes to, but other than that the whole chatting thing is pretty minimal. I really could spend hours lost and pinning away, especially if I have an upcoming project.

It's so funny when you take a step back you realize how much time you've spent feeding into other sources instead of yourself. Sometimes it can feel almost horrifying, other times perhaps it's sobering. I'm still fresh into the game but I'm feeling more and more positive in confirming this is just what I needed. I definitely wish people were still checking the blog often but my sanity is more important than my advertising.

Please feel free to message or comment suggestions! I'm open to them all! Happy Tuesday readers!