Over-parenting, Undermining, Oh My!

Every day I'm worried I'm running out of things to write about and then I think about whatever happened the last 17 hours and I can come up with something. Here goes!

My mom helps me with Luna twice a week. As per previous posts, I don't have the very best relationship with my mom but we manage to get by. My mom and I agree on almost nothing when it comes to parenting and she is very much "Grandma." She dresses her granddaughter, buys her toys and all the things she would never need, and gives her candy and chocolate and junk food no matter what.

One thing she does, and it drives me completely insane, is she parents over me. Let me explain. My daughter interrupts and talks over us constantly. She's 5, and no matter how we spin it, everything is too important to wait. I always ask my daughter to follow directions. Over and over again I ask. "Finish your two tasks, we can talk about that later, one thing at a time." I will literally walk in the door in full parent mode and give my daughter instructions and my mom will give them over me. It sounds like this: Me: "Luna, please clean up the table, calm down and go brush your tee---My mom: "Luna clean this mess up and go brush your teeth!" It's maddening.

There have been rough periods where my husband does the same thing. It makes me shut down. I'm sure I have been guilty of this stuff too, no doubt, but it can feel defeating. When I was a nanny, you can bet I made sure I was the authority figure and I mirror that with parenting as much as possible. But, when I get steamrolled, I get cranky.

It's important for my daughter to know I'm in the mom. The head lady of the house. And when my mom undermines me, it makes me feel 6 again. So I try to overcome!

I also try not to parent other people's children, especially in the presence of the other parent. I try and make everything a dual agreement. Candy? Okay if he can't have it, you can't. Disagreement? How do we go with this? Because parenting is a team effort, even if you do it completely differently.

My husband and I have had some serious differences of opinions and I really had to learn to stand my ground on certain things that I wanted nothing to do with in terms of parenting methodology. With that said, I also don't judge how others parent...okay I try not to judge how others parent as much as possible. I admit I lose my mind when I see children under 7 with caffeinated sodas...I do. If you aren't parenting your child when that child is harming or hurting mine though, an entirely different beast can be awakened. This hasn't really happened to me. Most of the time, I've found myself around like-minded parents and if they see their little one hit mine, we get all of us into a huddle.

One of my closest mom friends, her son has always lashed out physically at my daughter. Never to the point of any real harm but in every case, my daughter has said something or done something to provoke him. That's when the two of us moms laugh and say, "Don't provoke if you don't want him to lash out in his way to communicate and don't expect her to be nice if you always hit her when she is sassy." It's a team effort when both of them are being ridiculous. 

I've only ever had one instance with a "mean kid," where she was playing at our place and I was a room away and I overheard her saying all the reasons why she was better than my daughter. Then my daughter emerged to ask for lunch for them. I asked the guest what she wanted and she proceeded to pick through our pantry and fridge. I said, "Luna wants a turkey sandwich, would you like one too?" This young one then told me she was a picky eater. Turkey sandwiches were disgusting and she wasn't even hungry. She'd eat a slice of cheese.

As my daughter happily inhaled her sandwich and her guest picked at a slice of cheese I said to her, "Every house is different and in this one, we don't talk about how we are better than others, we talk about how we may be a different or enjoy different things. Like Luna loves to color and I like to paint, not necessarily that I'm better than Luna at painting. And when we are offered something to eat that we're not interested in, we say 'no, thank you,' or 'May I have something else?' We don't say something is disgusting just because it's not our favorite. We really use happy and kinder words with each other." The play date got awkward and then better. I regret nothing.

Dana Carvey has an epic stand up routine where he talks about parents now and how we've softened. He alluded to his childhood being filled with his parents yelling "Shut up," or "I'll give you something to cry about!," and now we find parents in the park saying, "Now Gregor, what did we agree to?" The whole bit is funny because it's painfully true. A part of me wanted to scream at this little girl to shut up and not speak to my daughter like that or she doesn't need to play over here anymore. But I had to channel the millennial mom that was calm and rational and very much not my first instinct.

But I truly don't want to undermine anyone's parenting. It's delicate. As someone coming off of 2 really rough years, I can tell you that if someone were to comment to me on my parenting or lack thereof, depending on the situation, I might have lost it, so I try to just be as objective as possible unless it becomes a safety concern for my child. Some situations are harder than others.

With my mom, I can't tell her not to parent over me. It's completely irritating and unnecessary but she would just get offended and pissy. So I just reroute the discussion or distract the kiddo and let her interject her piece. I don't like that undermining feeling because, as a woman, we get the shit end of the stick anyways, but motherhood gives us some ferocity and no nonsense force that we may have never had before.

I saw many moms as I was growing up that I would never mess with. I grew up opposite as my mom was the pushover, and my dad was not to be messed with, but to me, most other moms were scarier than my dad any day! Mom's don't mess around, and that was my general imagery for my stance in motherhood, thus I try to embody it. 

Parenting is delicate, regardless, because there are so many different ways to do everything, but I think my general point to this post is, being undermined as a parent really sucks, so let's not do that to each other. Instead of parenting over one another, I'd ask that any of my mom friends just say, "Hey Luna's being a little crazy" or, "you might want to check in with Luna about how she's acting with..." Because I'd rather be "called out" on not seeing less than amazing behavior, than let Luna treat a friend poorly. Maybe that's just me but I really want to see less "shaming" kinds of things and way more learning experiences. 

So if you see me acting a fool as a mom, or see my kid being out of line, I ask that rather than undermine, you find the time to bring me into the know and help me sort it all out as a fellow parent. It really does take a village so please don't leave me to be the village idiot!

My Parents Were Never As Nice To Me, As I Am To My Daughter...Or So We Tell Ourselves

Have you ever gotten one of those brilliant ideas based on a memory from your childhood that embodies a sense of nostalgia but also makes you so excited to share with your little one as well? In my experience, these often blow up in my face. But maybe that's just me.

I had a normal kid childhood. LOTS of playing outside, roller skating, riding bike, getting dirty, and plenty of swimming in the summer. Living with a little one in Florida has its hurdles but as soon as my little one was of age, I wanted to do all the things with her. The first lesson in outdoor fun was her getting bitten by weird creatures that left welts and discolored bruises or a rash. Now when we go visit Oregon and Pennsylvania, her favorite thing is being barefoot with no ant bites. And less humidity.

Swimming for me was a mess. I still can't swim well, but my daughter is a much better swimmer than I could ever be. I was the kid who got tossed into the deep end and could just barely dog paddle. At least we eased into it with my daughter. As someone with water issues, I was very receptive to any extra anxiety she could have. But she is like a little fish!

Now roller skating was the worst idea I've ever had. I think the first time we tried she was 4. Oh my gosh. They now have these ridiculous "trainers" which are like rolling walkers like old people use to help keep you up. I have a few things to say about this: When your skates get caught under them, you instantly trip and...my parents would have never paid for one of those things. In fact, I don't remember my parents "taking me" skating. I got dropped off and dragged around that rink with cousins or friends and if you fell? Too bad so sad, get up before you get rolled over! You just kept trying! Over and over!

For riding bicycle I remember my dad helping me a lot but my daughter and I just fight. She has legitimately fallen maybe once. The others were more like tip overs and she never even bled. I was the queen of falling off my bike. But if you stayed to cry, you got left behind. I push my daughter to just go! We fight and she'll relive those days in therapy I'm sure. Because I refuse to let her quit, or not learn how to ride a bike. I am determined to make sure we will ride together one day, no matter how much she whines.

As far as getting dirty, my kid is too much like me. I used to say I disliked getting dirty, but then I would spend a weekend with my little boy cousins and that would go right out the window. I always was outside making things with nature, picking plants, playing with and collecting rocks and having adventures. My daughter is the same. While other girls are playing make-up and nails, she is making rock islands and villages and all kinds of things with dirt and sticks and mud. And that's how it should me, in my humble opinion.

Don't get me wrong, she has a tablet. She is definitely a kid in the technological, smart phone world but these aren't things that keep us from being outside and certainly they don't keep us from play dates and other interactions. We keep all that stuff as low key as possible. I still believe kids need to be kids. 

In general, I have to say that I feel I'm way nicer to my daughter than my parents were to me. I don't remember being allowed to sneak into bed or do much more than use the bathroom in the middle of the night. I almost never got to pick what was on TV or what we watched. They took me to some movies and transported me to and from play dates but rarely stayed for the duration. And I was that weird kid that LOVED having a babysitter because my parents were lame. 

I know there are a lot of jokes about  parents and kids getting softer, being coddled and it was never like that "back in my day." There is some truth to it but mostly you figure out what works for you at the time that you're parenting. Sometimes I can be so calm and supportive and helpful to my little one. Other days I'm screaming at her because I asked 4 times already to put the damn shoes away! We all have our moments.

I like taking my daughter to do stuff. We had 3 epic years of Disney fun and memories. We have beach adventures and do crafting things, we go see movies, hit the zoo and aquarium, we do park play dates and get treats. Maybe my parents enjoyed some of those things too, or maybe they just suffered through for my enjoyment. You never know. 

I'm sure Luna will one day report I was not nice. I do speak fluent sarcasm, that's for sure, but I try and be "nicer" than the generation before me. I definitely have had moments where I've uttered the same things my parents did in my childhood that haunt me. Things about making extra messes when I clean and don't ruin my nice things. I then immediately feel bad and give them a treat because...I'm nicer to my daughter than my parents ever were to me! 

Cookie Chair Scare and My Lazy Mom Ways

It is my personal opinion that we are our own worst critics as mothers. We are the most "judgey" on our mothering abilities and lack there-of. I feel I am kind of a lazy mom most times. I blame the fact that I work full time, which leaves everything having to be packed into weekends, but mostly, I just really want to enjoy her being little before extra curricular activity schedule mania begins.

Luna is in this great local after school program that allows her to have mentors and participate in Girl Scouts and do so much in our amazing town on a regular basis. Now I was a Girl Scout too so I didn't hesitate to say yes to this. I loved earning all those badges! 

I got an email from her troop leader, whom I haven't even met yet, because Luna is there full days so I get there just before 6 or my mom or hubby picks her up. The email was talking about cookie season and helping Luna sell. This would be easy because I love to buy Girl Scout cookies like the rest of the world and I spent too many years in sales. Easy!

I did, however, make the mistake of typing in the email, "Let me know if you need anything." Famous last words, right? Then I see the words "Cookie Chair" in a follow up email and I sigh...but it's for the best of the kid right? How much am I willing to do and how much would not doing this screw her up in the future? Like when she's 16 and I tell her she can't wear that skirt in public will she scream at me about not being the Cookie Chair? These are the thoughts I have.

So I ask, what exactly is involved in being a Cookie Chair? The paragraph made me need a nap and I never really heard back from the powers that be in the troop world. I also could not fathom making Luna sit in front of a supermarket dealing cookies for hours. We know enough people to make some sales. Also, I don't like most children that aren't mine. I'm talking one or two handfuls of children that I actually enjoy but kids as a whole? Not so much.

I was still considering it when I got a text from one of my favorite moms who has worked alongside the Girl Scout Troops for quite some time and it said..."Don't do it! Don't be the cookie chair!" I happily read this and chuckled a bit. She told me that she had seen this Cookie Chair title turn the most sane, calm and organized mothers into complete messes because it's so involved and a great deal of work.

I'd never been so happy to receive a message telling me what not to do. I think I might be an extroverted introvert or one of those unique brands of endearing weirdo because I'm super social, and I love being around people and doing all the things, but boy do I need my own time to watch TV and decompress, to just take a step back and attempt to relax.

I work Monday through Friday from 8 to 5, but I work a good 40 minutes from my home and sometimes it can take me over an hour to go 23 miles in the traffic. My gym time is my "me time" and seeing as how I love the Girl Scout cookies, I need the gym. But, the time I get home sometimes it's already bed time for my little and then I have to do my normal mom chores and carve out any time to watch Netflix, read a book or...write a blog even.

I'm up at 4:45AM Monday through Friday and I try to be in bed by 9 but often don't make it until 10. Throw in anything else and there truly aren't enough hours in the day. Saturday mornings are already devoted to Horseback Riding lessons which run about 90 minutes and then any birthday parties, chores, house projects and the like commence, because Saturday is the only day a week we have off as a family. We have to pack it in!

It's taken such a long time but we finally have a bit of a routine going and any large wrench in that can feel so overwhelming. I will tell you that when you drive an hour each way to work every day by the time the weekend comes, you want to go nowhere, so I'm very much happy at home. Most often, if an activity involves leaving my harbor, I won't even go. Everything I need is within 5 miles of my house. I go far enough for work. 

The prospect of adding more, is daunting to me. My mom has phased out helping in non essential times, I'm taking a step back to be more available and my husband works nights. In most ways, not doing all the "mom" stuff makes me feel lazy, but I think I'm just really really tired. I think all mothers are just tired and that's okay. 

I love my job and I love working because I will admit, being home all day every day with my mini me can be rough and I don't think I was actually built for that. To those mothers who stay at home or home-school or both, you are truly my heroes and in an epic mothering category all on your own.

There are times when I shame myself for not being involved enough and not reading to her enough or playing with her enough, but then I also don't feel bad with her when I establish that I need like 20 minutes to just do what I want to do and of course you can come tell me what you need. I also want her to see me working for her to have all these activities and events around her to keep her busy and having fun so she knows someone is in her corner. 

I arrange all the play dates and park meet ups and everything. I do what I can. But I also need sleep, and a quiet dinner with no interruptions from time to time. So just because I'm not a "Room Mother" or "Cookie Chair," doesn't mean I'm never there, and maybe one day I will have the energy for those things. But for right now I like that I had a lazy evening last night that resulted in my daughter reading books to me in bed and doing manicures, instead of me coordinating cookies and crafts and feeling stressed out, most likely projecting all my anxieties on her.

To those moms that are Cookie Chairs I applaud you because you are stepping in when I did not. And if you're a room mother, THANK YOU! But for now, I'll be over here eating cookies in my chair and snuggling with my mini me while I still can as that I will never be lazy enough to miss!

Blog Challenge 23: My Pet Peeves

Although I often mention diatribes, this seems like an excuse to complain. But in the spirit of adhering to the challenge, I can bite. 

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people trim their nails not over a receptacle. I bring this one up because I have seen two people in my office do this. In shared spaces, if you must trim your nails, do it over a trash can, not over the floor. EW!

I also cannot stand the word HEIGHTH! That is not an actual word! It is not like WIDTH. It is HEIGHT! Generally, grammar things are my biggest pet peeves. Such as, no you may not ax me a question but you are welcome to ask me. And throw shade? Whomever coined "Throw shade at," needs to go back to school. Permanently. Oh and it is not "expresso" no matter how fast it hits you. 

Oh and lastly, to quote Ross from Friends: "Y-o-u-'-r-e means YOU ARE, y-o-u-r means YOUR!"

As someone who studied grammar, I will always look up something to check instead of misusing or misspelling. My goodness being able to speak correctly is important! 

Yesterday I got to write about one of my all time favorite things, music, and it was one of my highest-viewed posts. I just wanted to thank you all for going on this blog challenge with me. I will be powering through a lot this week as next week I have an overtime work project that will dominate any down time I would have. But please know how much I appreciate you all. Feel free to post comments and suggestions about what I should write! 

Daily Challenge 19: My Worst Habits

If we are going to lay out worst habits...mine would be biting fingernails. It goes hand in hand with my anxiety. 

I've been a nail chewer since I was little. I can still hear hear the scolding. When I get my nails done or paint them I am usually okay, but mostly if I am stressed or anxious that is when I chew away.

Other worst habits? I'm super self critical. In so many ways I think we can all say this about ourselves but I can get very mean to myself. Maybe that's a womanly trait, which is sad, but I think we often beat ourselves up far more than we deserve.

Talking about worst habits for a blog challenge is kind of a self-critical practice when we live in a society that preaches an awful lot about self care. Maybe some of our worst habits are pertaining to self care? Like if you like to unwind by doing a facial and plucking eyebrows and doing some personal maintenance to boost your confidence, maybe some see that as worst habit and plain old narcissism. What a thought that our worst habits could be tools in our preservation in one way or another!

So if your worst habit is working out too much? Like, what is that? I recently heard a comedian talk about how women want to be so skinny that people are concerned for their health. But then again some guys say they like thicker women. Where is the balance? Maybe a worst habit is being obsessed with balance! This is a dangerous blog challenge, so I digress.

Let's get back to the main subject of worst habits. I think all of these worst things are just subject to personal judgment. I would say my husband's worst habit is leaving his clothes all over the house, he might say something completely different about his own AND about mine. Regardless, I feel it best not to dwell. 

How about no more "my worst," and we re-frame this as "a habit I'd like to work on." Because isn't it all about attitude in the end? Let's work on all of it!

Daily Blog Challenge 18: What Am I Afraid Of?

Are we talking big picture, deep stuff like "failure" or actual fears like heights or spiders? Maybe we should cover it all.

When you're younger you might be afraid of the dark, new places or trying certain new things. As you get older you become more aware and you fear getting lost or go through the whole "death fixation." 

My actual fear? S-N-A-K-E-S. I mean like screaming, shaking, anxiety, knees buckling fear of those creatures. They need to stay far away and if you ever "joke" about my fear or try and scare me with one, I will show you why you should have been more constructive during your time in your death fixation phase. 

Spiders don't bother me, bugs in general I can deal with, lizards don't bother me. Snakes scare the beejesus out of me. They need to respect my space and I will respect theirs.

Other fears? The real deal ones including being a bad mother, not being able to pay bills, and letting the decisions of others define or dictate my life. But those are normal, right?

As someone who has been watching way too much Dexter lately I can tell you that fear is quite the motivator. And we all have such different fears. I never really feel afraid of heights until I'm up higher and then I'm like "uh oh!" 

Sharing fears is tough too, especially in a relationship. It makes us so vulnerable and sometimes creates more fear in and of itself. However, it can also bring you closer together when used properly, in many ways. 

Some people say you have to conquer your fears and I should just like, get a snake or something but I disagree. I feel like some fears are just meant to stay scary and some you grow out of, like being afraid of the dark. And let's not forget that some childhood fears like abandonment, getting actually lost, or not being good enough just grow with you. 

Those are the fears that keep therapy and billion dollar business, but that's another diatribe. Those fears don't have to define us though and can also give us strength in tackling them and overcoming some aspects as we become who we are meant to be. And often, as fearful as that journey is, it's worth the fear and vulnerability to become more of ourselves through it all. I'm still not touching a snake or being near one, though. Nope. 

Daily Challenge 17: My Favorite Childhood Book

Anyone who says they are not a fan of Dr. Seuss is lying, but my favorite childhood book is not that of a Seuss creation, although I love The Lorax very much. My favorite childhood book is none other than "Where The Wild Things Are." Not only is the art amazing but I love the story.

The story is of a little boy being punished and sent to his room and then escaping to a world of his own where he finds worse things to deal with then his present circumstance I think is quite a tale. Imagination is underrated anymore and I always loved Max's ability to create and entire realm and walk you through it. I also love any story where so-called monsters are actually gentle creatures who just want some company.

I think my favorite line is "Let the wild rumpus START!" But I also love when he commands the wild things to, "Be still!" I read this book to my little one in a very animated way and often say "I'll eat you up I love you so!" My mom also had a coffee table book of Maurice Sendak art that I used to thumb through.

In other childhood literature I will tell you an amusing story. I always loved any of the works by Shel Silverstein. As part of my fear of snakes my dad used to read me Silverstein's "Boa Constrictor" to make me even more afraid it seemed. I loved Where The Sidewalk Ends as well. My dad used to preach a sermon from "The Giving Tree" and that book was always around. I loved it so much when I was little.

When I was 18 and a full time nanny I remember getting a copy of it for the little girl I watched and I read it out loud to her and had this cloud of realization come over me..."This book is terrible! That boy abused the tree and just used him! Humans are garbage!"

I remember calling my dad, half in tears saying "Why did you read us that? That is a horrible story about how people just use things and are selfish!" He told me that it was a good lesson in humans versus nature. He reasoned that we need to be nicer to nature but also remember there is good in the world with human nature too. He had a point.

I still read it from time to time but still think it is mostly depressing. Most kids books are slightly sad or "off" if you think about it, but that one about killed my spirit in adulthood. It's funny how when we read these stories to our children, they now mean something completely different but these were the literary building blocks of our beginnings.  I think I'll go to "Where The Wild Things Are" and report back.

Challenge 14: What's In My Handbag? Okay, No One Calls It That Anymore.

What is in my handbag? Do women still have a handbag? I thought we call them purses, bags, or a satchel even? Wristlet or clutch maybe. I haven't heard handbag lately. Currently I am sporting a Betsey Johnson small backpack much like Cher and Dion in Clueless or Elaine Benes of Seinfeld. I thought I was being cutting edge but seemingly all the cool kids are in on it now. 

My purse is always a mess. Complete with receipts, the general "woman supplies," hair ties, bobby pins, hair clips, lip gloss, chapstick, a pocket mirror, pens, a few business cards, the wallet, stray jewelry and change. Also any papers I'm "supposed" to review for later and various unopened pay stubs.

I don't miss the diaper bag days. I also find it sad that as we move into motherhood we are seemingly downgraded a purse, which we grow up to feel is as tantamount to being a woman as tampons, and handed a bag filled with everything your baby needs to the point of no room for anything we might need in there...besides a wallet with cards to pay for more baby stuff. My husband went to the lengths of finding me a purse by my favorite designer that could actually be used as a diaper bag and was even styled as such. It was still one of my least favorite mom moments though, because the cute diaper bags are rarely useful. 

Purses are fun and also a curse in a way. We feel naked without them like we are forgetting something. And we always have to find "The right one." Not to mention the trendy ones are always expensive. I had a friend who lived and died for Coach purses. Another dreams of Fossil. My mom went through a Tommy Hilfiger phase. Now I'm sure it's all Michael Kors and Kate Spade. I will always be a Betsey Johnson gal, myself. Some are desperate for the Louis Vuitton. 

The handbag question is personal and kind of ridiculous in actuality. Most of us carry the same staples but our bags hold all of our personal and private things. Sure, men have a wallet but how much can you really fit in there? Unless of course you're George Costanza. Purses are definitely and blessing and a curse for womanhood. Regardless, our handbag is our handle, if you will. We love to accessorize and match for special occasions and every day needs. They are just another way to let us express ourselves.

So whatever is in your handbag, and the mundane things that are in mine, those are unique and personal, much like the bag we choose to throw it all in! 

Blog Challenge 11: My Most Proud Moment

I feel like if I were to type "When I had my daughter," the moms would all be like "Yas queen," and all the single ladies would be like"Oh, seriously?" So I think we need to dissect this a bit.

Being proud eh? My most proud moment when I was younger was winning the 4th Grade Talent Show for singing "Castle on a Cloud" from Les Miserables. My mom found me a dingy old nightgown at GoodWill and unearthed a ratty stuffed animal. I've always loved to sing but stage fright is no joke. I took voice lessons from 2nd grade through Sophomore year and then high school politics killed my dream of ever being able to have any real performer-type things happen.

Anyway, my Voice Instructor played the piano for me and chose the song. I always wanted Disney. She always wanted Broadway. I remember being nervous and having this bear in my hands as part of the act, and as I sang and the more nervous I got, the more I just focused on the bear. It was just me and the stuffed animal. The song is about a sad, poor little child in London dreaming of not sweeping floors and one day having toys. It may have been my finest performance of all time and it won me first place against the boys in my class doing comedy routines and other people being talented as well. We may have a rogue VHS of this somewhere.

My one regret is I told my dad it wasn't worth him coming and that he also made me more nervous, so he missed it. My voice teacher said she almost messed up on the piano because she was so entranced by me and this bear performing such a heart-wrenching song to perfection. That was my peak I think, my American Idol moment.

Other proud moments in my life? At 18, I once told off an old man at Burger King who insinuated I was stupid for not being fast at math, which has always been a struggle for me. I was working the register and it broke and to make sure I gave correct change I started writing it out and he went off on me. I approached him later and told him I hope he never spoke to anyone else who was waiting on him like that again and he should be ashamed of himself for being so rude to someone trying to do well at their job.

I had proud moments with the kids I was a nanny for when they excelled at things, which they did often and still do. I've had proud moments of watching some of my favorite people grow into the fabulous mothers and women they are. But I will completely admit that my proud moment of ushering my baby from womb to world was because I did it completely without drugs, after my own mother said I wouldn't be able to handle it. Take that mom!

To make it even better, when I was super dilated and we had to ask for a wheelchair to get me into the building from the car where Luna was almost born Ricky Bobby style,  I was yelling a lot. It hurt! The nurses looked up from their charting and conversations all annoyed and said, "Is this your first baby, honey?" "Yeah," I muttered in pain. "Okay sweetie, just calm down and keep it down, you'll be fine." I could feel the she-dragon and if another contraction hadn't hit me so fast, I was moments away from yelling "Are you fucking kidding me right now?" Less than 10 minutes later I was in a delivery room pushing, so I think I had a right to be a little loud.

My midwife said to me when I was screaming, "You need to push down and when you scream you push outward. Push down!" Getting my perfect daughter out in 3, bad ass, hardcore pushes, and then apparently making an intern faint, was a proud moment.

In motherhood, however, my proud moments have come from watching her with other people. It's not about walking and talking but her attitude that makes me proud. That kid perseveres just like her stubborn mother and when that happens, I get proud.

Last year she had a little boy in her after school program who kept hitting her in her crotch region and also put his hands on her throat once. I harnessed my mama bear and I said, "Baby, no one is allowed to touch you without your permission. And no one but mommy, daddy, grandma and a teacher helping you in the potty, goes near your private parts and still, you communicate with us when that happens. Now, we don't hit or hurt anyone, but if that boy is hurting you, and you need to get away, you get away from him and get help. Tell a teacher. You push him off of you and get to someone who can help. You don't let him hurt you!" She said "Okay mommy, I understand."

I was thankful it never came to that, but proud of her for telling adults what was happening and that she didn't like it. Most 4-year-old's might not. She now quotes the Aristocats often saying "Ladies do not start fights but we know how to finish them!" I do not disagree with her.

Overall though, I work on being proud of myself and I do this daily. We are our own worst critics aren't we? I get proud of myself when I get through a horrible day with no wine or no crying! I am proud of myself for working out consistently and finding ways to manage my anxiety. I'm proud of myself for knowing when to let people in and knowing when to just shut up. I'm proud of myself for not giving up when life has beaten me to a pulp but also not giving up on myself. And I'm excited for more and more most-proud moments, especially when you least expect them. We'll see if any are blog-worthy!

Challenge 10: My First Celebrity Crush

So we are ten challenges in and I will admit I'm having a day that was set on me throwing me off from wanting to do this but, I don't want to miss out, except when I'm being lazy on weekends.

As I've recently discovered I am an "Elder Millennial." So I came about during a time where the 80's were in full swing but 70's stuff was still cool. My first celebrity crush was none other than DAVY JONES of The Monkees. I watched that show in syndication relentlessly, knew all the words to all the songs, and loved Davy Jones almost as much as Marcia Brady loved him. Ironically, I did not really watch The Brady Bunch, but I loved the Monkees. My dad had most of their albums on vinyl, which I have since procured and still listen to today.

Other celebrity crushes over the years included Zac Hanson (of course), various members of the Backstreet Boys but not *NSYNC. It is my humble opinion that Justin Timberlake's hotness was not fully formed until he went solo. As a 90's kid and Home Improvement fan, I loved Johnathan Taylor Thomas and from Full House, DJ's boyfriend Steve was dreamy as well.

I missed most of the teen heart-throb romance shows but I will say that even though it has been revealed that "Zack Morris is Trash," boy did I love Mark-Paul Gosselaar and wish that I was Kelly Kapowski. Slater was not for me and Screech? Really?

I would say I wasn't as obsessed with the mainstream boys the older I got. I had a thing for Topher Grace, not Ashton Kutcher. I had no attraction to anyone on Dawson's Creek. I was very, very in love with David Duchovny AKA Fox Mulder and the fact that Scully was a red-head just meant someday we would be together. I am actually still optimistic about that one.

But, I digress, my first, real celebrity crush was Davy Jones. I missed my only opportunity to see him live with the Monkees before he passed away about 9 years ago. I will forever regret not going into debt and calling out of work to see him on stage but clearly, in more ways than one, we were not meant to be together. I am still open to all my other crushes though, so feel free to pass along my information.

Challenge 9: Piercing and Tattoos? OH YES!

I got my nose pierced when I was 16, I think. Of course my mom gave me permission and they money. I loved it and I had a cute little stud. I actually liked the needle better than the guns they used on my ears. I promised myself tattoos when I turned 18.

I love them both as artistic expressions of yourself and permanent reminders of whatever you were feeling around their entrance onto your body. My first tattoo was something really ridiculous in Elvish...Lord of the Rings was THE SERIES when I was in High School okay? And yes I knew the nerds who could read and speak it. People speak Kling-on, don't judge!

Then I saved up and got an Orchid tramp stamp on my lower back. I literally got that back tattoo not a month before the "Tramp Stamp" phrase ran rampant across all cult classic movies and trendy comedies. I don't regret the gorgeous work, but the placement is boring and typical.

When I was 18, I also got a nose ring right next to my stud, like an actual hoop though. I rocked this look and miss it daily. When living in Eugene, Oregon for college, piercings are tantamount to spiritual growth.

When I was 19, my cousin's boyfriend was a piercer at my favorite piercing and tattoo shop. I wanted to get my eyebrow pierced, the one opposite the side of my nose that was pierced. He did it and it hurt like hell. He then said "wait, let me just see something for symmetry." I felt him put the dots on my second eyebrow. "No, I don't want two, I said. Ouch." He said, yeah but I just want to see because I think you could rock both with your nose piercings like you would look bad ass so let me just look."

SNAP! "Ow, motherfucker that hurt!," I cried! "See, symmetry?," He said. "They look awesome. No charge for the second one." I did rock them for about 6 months by my body physically rejected them and they wouldn't heal properly.

After age 20 I didn't do anything else until my thirties. I took out my piercings when I was 24 because we got married and then moved across the country well aware that no piercings would make the job hunt much easier. I dislike that a stud or ring in your nose or any kind of piercing or tattoo plays any part in judging your ability to do anything but it's the sad truth.

From 32 to 33 I got 3 tattoos after a traumatic car accident. The first one is meant to be a treble clef semicolon signifying the semicolon movement for suicide and depression awareness. The slogan for that movement is "My story isn't over yet," but even as a writer I have more of a musical obsession so I wanted it to signify "My song isn't finished playing yet." It is behind my ear.

Shortly after that one I covered my lower hip elvish tattoo with a favorite album cover and quote from my favorite band, with which I have NO SHAME and NO REGRET, judge if you must...Hanson...and it reads, "If you can't get through it, you can listen it it." That one hurt!

And my most recent is a small unalome, of which my best friend from 3rd grade and on got a matching one, on my side where my bra sits, and that is the symbol for the path to enlightenment. Both her and I have suffered some trauma so we thought it appropriate. I'm also constantly pinning ideas for new ones because I love ink! LOVE LOVE!

Tattoos are beautiful and very brave because they do welcome some stares and open you to questions. If you have many visible tattoos people do judge you because of them. I find that completely unfair and absolute bullshit but it is a fact of life. 

I love how every tattoo has a story. I have some friends I love with Disney or Harry Potter tattoos and it's never just "Oh they like those characters," there is always some amazing story. And I love the people that are just brave enough to say I put this on my skin to remind me of this or because that moved or changed me. I love the connections we make over these artistic expressions. I think they keep us human. And anyone who willingly goes through that kind of pain is strong, not that people without tattoos are weak, but I think a different kind of strength draws others to body art.

You do only get one life and I respect and admire anyone who wants to color their lives accordingly! I can't wait to collect more works of art on my body!

Challenge 8 - Old Photo of Me...Nope and This Is Why

I truly feel like you cannot accurately post a pre-smart phone picture anymore without it just looking so damn old. I just feel like when you take a picture of the picture to post to social media, they all look like those old photos from the 50's you used to find in your attic that you judged.

I don't need anything else to remind me that motherhood has aged me. So, I don't want to post an old photo and it also blows my mind that my 5-year-old's entire existence has been captured via Facebook and Instagram and on top of that, mostly hangs out in some cloud that we just trust to hold our shit! Like has anyone ever really looked into the Google Drive and backup stuff? You log in and you can find it but what if some technological apocalyptic crash happens -- spur new wave of scary films -- and you didn't print REAL copies of your 40,000 pictures of food, your children, and your selfies that you have 20 each of to get the one RIGHT one that looked "effortless?"

It's so weird to think that we have this miniature computers that just rule our worlds. We all pretend that they don't but the ability to be able to capture any moment at any time without being like..."wait I need to grab my camera!," is still pretty amazing when you think about it. It can get creepy if you think about the logistics too much, but mostly it is awesome.

And I also think that while nostalgia is so awesome, looking at old photos to remember "the good times" can get daunting. I feel like it's forced memories sometimes. Every so often a trip down memory lane is good but you can't live there. It's not a good idea.

So there you have it, another little chapter completed but today I'm doing a total of two updates because I'm more excited about the next one! Stay tuned!

Blog Challenge Day 7: 10 Favorite Foods

As if this didn't feel narcissistic enough, although a good writing practice, now let's talk about what I like to eat!

My number one favorite food is: SALAD, not lying. I love salads. They are easy to put together and super good for you.

2. Tacos. Tacos are life. Ironically, tacos were the thing I had right before I was violently ill from appendicitis but I took a break and then came back with a vengeance!

3. Pizza, but I'm picky. The chef hubby makes the best homemade so I get a little snobby. And I don't care what anyone says, if you can't make a good cheese pizza you can't make a pizza period.

4. Coconut things: Coconut cake, cookies, coconut water, candies, coconut milk, protein bars. ALL THE COCONUT THINGS.

5. Sushi! Sushi is my favorite meal out. So frigging delicious! Although I only like the rolls, the raw fish on rice with no other flavor is a bit intense.

6. Ice Cream Cake. Preferably Carvel. The chocolate crumblies in the middle are what make it worth being a thicker person. I hate sharing my birthday cake. It's my day!

7. Steak. When I was pregnant, all I wanted was steak and potatoes. Seriously just meat and taters. Steak, when cooked properly, is the reason why we eat meat.

8. And also Bacon, of course, which makes everything better. This might technically be like a number 2 or 4 swap but bacon is life also. The reason I cannot be a vegetarian is BACON. I even enjoy some tofu dishes but bacon just is amazing. Always!

9. Grandma UTZ Potato chips. Have you ever had these? Best chips on the planet. Pretty sure you could make a candle from the lard dripping if you held it by the fire but the salt and deliciousness, oh my goodness!

10. Twizzlers. I am not a red vine person. Twizzlers. This I got from my mother.

I do consider myself a foodie.  I will try just about anything. I'm not a fan of duck or lamb as I find those animal to precious to consume. I also don't like anything too gamey but had Elk burgers once that were to die for. I have had fancy stuff and love the atmosphere of certain places to try new things or pay for an insanely amazing meal but I can also take down a cheesy Gordita crunch with the best of them at Taco Bell. And for any hangover, I require a sausage McMuffin. Food makes life more flavorful, which is why I work out a lot.