When I was younger I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t get married until I graduated college. June 13th, 2009 I kept that promise and Graduated from the University of Oregon with a Bachelor’s Degree in Magazine Journalism. June 14th 2009 I married the love of my life. I kept the promise but about 28 hours, but I certainly didn’t let myself down!
If I could pick a dream job it would be a tie between a writer for Rolling Stone and the editor of Paste Magazine. I would want the kind of epic writing life such as that of Cameron Crowe in “Almost Famous.” It was in my last 3 months of school I had this terrible discovery that perhaps I’d wasted most of my time trying to find a place in the magazine program when perhaps I’d belonged in their Literary Non-Fiction program. I didn’t really know where the degree would take me but at least I had one.
For six years of my life I worked as a Nanny for the best family ever. I started out working once a week watching an 8 year old boy and walking him home from school, making sure he finished homework. I’d work a few Fridays or Saturdays here and there so that the parental units could venture outside the house. Less than a year into my Nanny Career, the mom was pregnant with baby number two. After about a 6 month hiatus I got this adorable note in the mail saying they may need me soon.
When the baby was about 6 months and big brother was about 9, I started working 5 days a week from 8 or 9am to 2 or whenever in the afternoon as the official “Nanny.” I left them when the youngest was 6 and big brother was 15, and I miss them every day. Once they were all grown up and my job was more or less, “done” I’d exhausted every other idea that came along with staying in Oregon.
The hubby worked as a chef, and we knew a lot of people in the restaurant biz but I still couldn’t even get an interview. With family stuff becoming emotionally horrid, friendships falling apart at the seams and tearing our love into pieces we decided to get up and go after graduation and the wedding to start a new life. We moved down to Tampa in June 2009 to be near his aunt and cousins and my cousins who lived in the next city over.
Some people thought we were crazy, some didn’t know how the hell we picked Tampa, of all places, and we had no idea what was in store for us. My husband found work almost instantly as a line-cook at a Sushi place, making the teriyaki and fried dishes that anyone who didn’t enjoy sushi was prone to order at these places. Shortly after I found a job at a place that sells “Medical Apparel,” or as I later informed anyone who asked, “I sell scrubs.”
My husband, Eben, hated his job. He said the place was a huge health code violation. They started him at decent pay but he literally worked about 6 days a week with no say in his days off and single-handedly cleaned that place up and was treated terribly. One day they just fired him because he brought up the fact that they were paying him under what they had promised him.
My job wasn’t so terrible. It was air conditioned and the girls I worked with were pretty nice. I folded and hung scrub outfits, organized shoes, filled out embroidery forms, rang up sales and what not; pretty simple. My boss and his wife ran the place. He was okay. He was mid-50’s, kind of anal-retentive, but with a pretty sharp business sense. Eben said it best when he described his wife as looking like a mix between the wicked witch from Wizard of Oz and a troll. She had this annoying muddled southern accent and when she spoke she’d use the wrong words to describe things but had decided it was the correct way. Like saying an attitude was holding yourself in a certain “posture.” She also had this way of disguising an insult in a compliment. A personal favorite of mine was, “Oh that’s a cute vest! Are vests in style?”
I thought the scrub store was okay. My bosses said it was the best place to work as far as retail went. In some ways they were right. We worked in a nice hospital, away from all the blood and guts and diseased areas. There was a coffee shop right around the corner that sold lattes and such, the cafeteria had pretty good stuff, and we could get snacks and go to the bathroom whenever. I thought I was pretty good at the whole scene and the chicks I worked with were pretty cool. For minimum wage it could have been worse.
When Eben got fired we hit panic mode. I was only working part time. I found this place on Craigslist that had great hours and wasn’t too far away. They were closed Sunday and only open 11am-9pm so no more insanely late nights. It was a Mexican Grille, which was Eben’s specialty. He knew a lot about Latin American cuisine and such. He blew them away on the interview and fell in love with the place.
About two months into his employment he mentioned something to the owner about how I’d always wanted to work in a restaurant but had only ever worked at fast food. I earned my stripes at a Burger King on campus when I was 19. They needed an extra person to run food in the front of the house and the owner looked at Eben and asked him one simple question: “Can you work with her?”
I was hired a couple of weeks later and started working nights at the restaurant. The first few months were rough. Eben was working his way up to Kitchen Manager and the Front of the House manager secretly hated me. I think most of the other girls thought that I was under the impression that since Eben was climbing up the ladder, I was something special too, but they were wrong.
The restaurant kicked my ass! It still does. Mentally it has broken me down more often than I’d care to admit, and physically, some days it sucks. I do it for the people – my co-workers (well, most of them) and for the guests. I’ve met some amazing people there. Eben is like a fish in water at that place. I doubt he could exist without it. He is constantly working to better himself. Two years ago we would have killed each other if we worked together. Now, we do quite well, and are proud of it. It’s really nice.
Although I really liked the scrub store more at first, when boss man was promoted to Regional Manager and wicked-witch boss lady was made in-store manager, everything went to shit. I thought she’d be a great manager because we could do virtually no work and she wouldn’t even notice. Instead she brought in a kind of drama only her evil counterparts could sustain. I really wanted to shine at the store so I worked hard and slacked the least bit I could. Some days were boring so I slacked more than I’d care to admit, but everything always got done.
Anyway, our new witchy manager had all these little talks with us. They weren’t pep-talks, they were discussions that were usually about one person consistently making all kinds of mistakes and instead of being an adult and confronting the person one-on-one it became a store issue. She’d pit us against each other and make these crazy assumptions and jump to these insane conclusions about our “character” and our “attitudes” based on miscommunications on a daily basis. One day I was so violently mad that I stood there trembling in tears at her psychotic accusations praying for the strength not to quit while a fellow-coworker ended up defending me.
If you were out of the line of fire one week, you were in it the next. It was a vicious rotation. Eben confessed to me later that he couldn’t stand hearing me stress about the store. It was worse than my frustrations getting to understand the way the restaurant worked.
The scrub store fired me right before my birthday vacation back to the west coast. I’d never been fired before. I cried out of frustration and because I worked my ass off at the stupid store. Plus, it didn’t help that I had one of the girls planting the seeds of my firing behind my back, making me look bad all the time. Witch-troll-manager-lady was threatened by me. I did a good job there, no, a great one, and she hated me for it. When I tried to take initiative or defend others, she saw it as undermining her and trying to go over her head. There was no discussion because how things were meant and how things were perceived were concepts this woman could never grasp. Things happened how she saw them, period!
Working the two jobs was tough but we worked hard and we played hard. Eben liked that I was willing to work so hard. In turn, he worked hard and helped me out a lot. It was a good 6 month run of working myself ragged at both places but with the darkness, comes a light.
The manager that hated me at the restaurant quite and her replacement was much nicer, and far more understanding in terms of life and schedules and such. With this employee gone there was room for me to step up and be trained in a different position. So I did. I took the leap and I said, “hey, let’s do it.”
So from college to retail to the restaurant things have been interesting. As for writing, I freelance for an amazing entity called Creative Loafing. I mostly do online writing. I do concert reviews. I get to see bands for free and write about them, sometimes even getting paid for my work. Since I started writing for them I have been to over a dozen shows. I’ve written reviews for bands and artists like, Ben Harper, Jimmy Buffet, Foreigner, Green Day, Boys Like Girls, Good Charlotte, Paul Anka, B.B. King, Buddy Guy, David Gray, Flogging Molly, Bowling For Soup, Blind Boys of Alabama, and the Backstreet Boys.
They don’t tell you in college that things like this exist; that you can have your dream job without worrying about bills and having no life. I can go to my day job and make my rent, then I can sign up for who I want to see, request tickets, and if the promoter says yes, I can take my husband to a concert for free and then write about the experience the next day for the world to read. Every once in awhile they toss me a paycheck, be it 5 bucks or 50 and I’m just doing what I love.
Life is kind of crazy. When I was twelve I would have never imagined! Sometimes I think I should be doing more, or “better,” but what else is there? I mean, really? We pay our bills and have extra to lower the credit card debt and have a little fun here and there. We go to almost all our favorite concerts for free, I build up my resume with every piece I write, and sleep very well at night. No babies, no pets; it’s just me and my man. We’re healthy, we’re happy, we’re stable, and it’s simple. Life after college only goes perfectly planned for a small percentage…most of whom have a serious supply of money. You can drive yourself crazy with these, “should I’s” and “could I’s” and ideals and societal expectations but if you are where you want to be, and you are who you want to be, what else is there?
With all my life experience, with all my jobs in the past ten years, all my schooling, and all my relationships I’ve learned enough to write a whole novel, but there is some comfort in knowing that the future is just out there and whatever I do, wherever I go, I have the tools to do anything: write, work at the mall, be a Nanny, a personal assistant, a server, a hostess, a cashier, a mom, a housewife, an artist, whatever!
Life after college is not what I’d imagined, not quite what I’d planned and isn’t always easy, but I’m happy…and I love not knowing what’d next!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Bring Me Back A Keychain! -A Simple Request So Often Taken for Granted-
We live in a busy world - a crazy and busy world. In a time of cynicism and sarcasm, we take many things for granted. We take people, situations, moments, request, demands, and questions for granted. For about the past decade or so I’ve inadvertently conducted an experiment and it has led to quite the discovery.
When I was younger we used to travel and I’d always ask for ridiculous souvenirs. My parents kept me away from shot glasses, even though I found them to be precious, so I ended up with keychains, pens, those license plates with your name on it, and other random things. Somehow my mom got me into collecting keychains with my name on it – we found that finding a keychain with Alison spelled with only one “L” could be kind of a task, so it was like a fun game we’d play every place we went.
Then one day, someone – a friend, classmate, neighbor or such – went on a trip and I said to them before they left, “Bring me back a keychain.” I can’t remember if on that very first instance they brought me one or not, but my asking for one became commonplace when anyone told me of an upcoming trip. It also became common that if I were asked for one, I would return with a token for a friend.
I started noticing a strange pattern. The people I would least expect actually came through for me. I had an old friend’s, ex-girlfriend buy me a keychain from San Diego. I had a friend of the boy I used to babysit, bring me a keychain back from Las Vegas.
See, it’s a simple request, isn’t it? “Hey, bring me back a keychain!” Most keychains are five dollars or under, but it’s so often overlooked. I have had some of my best friends forget, or just not get one when I’ve asked. Some people actually think I’m joking or just being ridiculous with my request.
I believe this whole thing is a testament to the world we live in…seriously! In some ways, yes, it’s completely ridiculous…all of it. But when you can’t remember a simple request, or just don’t care to do something so small to brighten someone’s day, what does that say about us all? Right now I have so many keychains I get made fun of. They say one day my transmission will become angry with me because they’re so heavy and there are so damn many!
I have keychains from places all over the world. My friend in the Air Force sent me keychains from Holland, Rome, and Germany. I got some in Ireland when I was there. A co-worker brought me one from El Salvador and my boss gave me one from the Bahamas. Currently I have keychains from Key West, Baltimore, Colorado, Hawaii, New Orleans, Seattle, Kentucky, and Amish Country accompanying various sets of keys. Most of these have been gifts in one sense or another, and all of them have sentimental value and meaning.
I think that this universe is filled with positivity and negativity. We have so many obstacles to get through, so many frowns, so many triumphs to make and so many smiles. If the simple act of bringing back a keychain can increase that positivity and keep the smiles flowing, why not just do it? Sure, this may all be quite silly, perhaps seemingly inconsequential, but just think about it! It’s quite the social study isn’t it? So the next time someone hears about your next trip and says, “Bring me back a keychain,” if you have the extra 5 bucks, maybe think about grabbing them a little something that really says, “hey, I thought about you while I was away…see?” It’s the little things in life!
When I was younger we used to travel and I’d always ask for ridiculous souvenirs. My parents kept me away from shot glasses, even though I found them to be precious, so I ended up with keychains, pens, those license plates with your name on it, and other random things. Somehow my mom got me into collecting keychains with my name on it – we found that finding a keychain with Alison spelled with only one “L” could be kind of a task, so it was like a fun game we’d play every place we went.
Then one day, someone – a friend, classmate, neighbor or such – went on a trip and I said to them before they left, “Bring me back a keychain.” I can’t remember if on that very first instance they brought me one or not, but my asking for one became commonplace when anyone told me of an upcoming trip. It also became common that if I were asked for one, I would return with a token for a friend.
I started noticing a strange pattern. The people I would least expect actually came through for me. I had an old friend’s, ex-girlfriend buy me a keychain from San Diego. I had a friend of the boy I used to babysit, bring me a keychain back from Las Vegas.
See, it’s a simple request, isn’t it? “Hey, bring me back a keychain!” Most keychains are five dollars or under, but it’s so often overlooked. I have had some of my best friends forget, or just not get one when I’ve asked. Some people actually think I’m joking or just being ridiculous with my request.
I believe this whole thing is a testament to the world we live in…seriously! In some ways, yes, it’s completely ridiculous…all of it. But when you can’t remember a simple request, or just don’t care to do something so small to brighten someone’s day, what does that say about us all? Right now I have so many keychains I get made fun of. They say one day my transmission will become angry with me because they’re so heavy and there are so damn many!
I have keychains from places all over the world. My friend in the Air Force sent me keychains from Holland, Rome, and Germany. I got some in Ireland when I was there. A co-worker brought me one from El Salvador and my boss gave me one from the Bahamas. Currently I have keychains from Key West, Baltimore, Colorado, Hawaii, New Orleans, Seattle, Kentucky, and Amish Country accompanying various sets of keys. Most of these have been gifts in one sense or another, and all of them have sentimental value and meaning.
I think that this universe is filled with positivity and negativity. We have so many obstacles to get through, so many frowns, so many triumphs to make and so many smiles. If the simple act of bringing back a keychain can increase that positivity and keep the smiles flowing, why not just do it? Sure, this may all be quite silly, perhaps seemingly inconsequential, but just think about it! It’s quite the social study isn’t it? So the next time someone hears about your next trip and says, “Bring me back a keychain,” if you have the extra 5 bucks, maybe think about grabbing them a little something that really says, “hey, I thought about you while I was away…see?” It’s the little things in life!
The Backstreet Boys Bring Back 90’s Pop at the Ruth Eckerd Hall for Memorial Day
To satisfy my teenage pop-obsessed past I decided to go for it when I saw that Backstreet Boys would be performing in Clearwater on May 31st. Yes, “Backstreet’s back, alright!”
To open, the audience met what looked like it could be the “Jackson 4,” but called themselves Mindless Behavior. With matching plaid pants, hip-pop dance moves and prepubescent-pitched catchy tunes, they were the perfect opener to complement the infamous Backstreet Boys. Mindless Behavior had very little stage to dance all over as the BSB stage set-up was hidden right behind them and a huge red curtain. Mindless Behavior put on a great opening set.
Ruth Eckerd was filled with ladies from about 12-50, disgruntled husbands and boyfriends forced against their will and a handful of men who were actually fans. These girls were all decked out, accessorized and ready to see their heartthrobs. Anyone not dressed up was sporting an overpriced Backstreet Boys shirt, tote bag or hoodie that immediately replaced their other tee or purse in anticipation of the boy band’s first Ruth Eckerd Hall appearance.
I knew they would make some insanely dramatic entrance, but it turned out to be even better. As soon as the lights went off so did the screams, cries and wails from every girl in the crowd. They had an elaborate stage setup on top of the actual Ruth Eckerd stage, complete with a staircase on either side of it, which was reminiscent of their older stage setups, just a quarter of the size of their arena shows. Now I’d never been to a BSB concert, but like all other 90’s teen girls, I knew all about what I’d missed at their shows.
They had this hilarious music video-esque/movie intro on a huge screen at the center of the top part of their stage. They had a countdown to the big moment and as their movie-screen selves started to move closest to the camera, they jumped out of the screen and the girls went crazy! Everyone was standing up and moving around as they opened with “Everybody, Backstreet’s back!”
At the risk of completely discrediting myself as having any kind of musical knowledge, I’ll admit I knew all the words and all the names of their songs through about 2003. After that I fell in and out of touch with them but knew they were still producing music. They said a new album is currently under way and should be releasing later this year. After 17 years they still have an amazing following, and this is even with one less Backstreet Boy than they started with.
After the big opener they played “We’ve got it goin’ on,” a newer selection called “PDA,” and a “Quit Playin’ Games/As Long as You Love Me” montage. Complete with wardrobe changes, fly-girls, and BSB movie interludes, the show was definitely quite the spectacle. They had a “Fast and Furious” montage with Howie against Vin Diesel which provided time to change and they reappeared in BSB sequined hoodies.
They still had the moves. Every once in awhile between the band themselves and the fly girls they would miss a beat or over-anticipate a step, but they still had it “Goin on’.” The crowd seemed to agree. They played songs new and old to satisfy every age in the crowd. “This is Us,” the title track to their most recent album was then followed by “Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely,” and “All I Have to Give.” They kept a good flow of new-old, new-old but you could tell who loved them from the start and who just recently jumped on the BSB bandwagon, with a simple scan of the crowd.
Besides the BSB “Fight Club” montage with AJ, the “Enchanted” montage with Brian, and the “Matrix” montage with Nick, the lighting, onstage drummer, and random use of cutesy props to act out the stories within the songs made for an amazingly entertaining evening. That’s the thing about Pop shows; it’s all a charade and a great one at that.
They’ve stayed consistent over all these years, which is more than we can stay for any other boy-band. BSB were some of the pioneers of the boy-band craze and it’s nice to see them still putting their all into their career. Sure, may be Pop music at its most trendy, but it certainly sticks with you; every fan at Ruth Eckerd Hall Monday night was a testament to that!
Backstreet Boys ended the evening with their greatest hit “I Want It That Way,” which ended up being the high point of the evening. They returned for a quick and easy one-song encore of their latest single “Straight through my Heart.”
The crowd left elated and ready to gab about the show. I heard a few guys commenting on how BSB updated their choreography, and even my husband admitted that, overall, the show was pretty good. For a trip down Pop music’s memory lane, it was a great one, and my fourteen year old self is finally at peace after having the ultimate boy-band experience to end Memorial Day Weekend!
To open, the audience met what looked like it could be the “Jackson 4,” but called themselves Mindless Behavior. With matching plaid pants, hip-pop dance moves and prepubescent-pitched catchy tunes, they were the perfect opener to complement the infamous Backstreet Boys. Mindless Behavior had very little stage to dance all over as the BSB stage set-up was hidden right behind them and a huge red curtain. Mindless Behavior put on a great opening set.
Ruth Eckerd was filled with ladies from about 12-50, disgruntled husbands and boyfriends forced against their will and a handful of men who were actually fans. These girls were all decked out, accessorized and ready to see their heartthrobs. Anyone not dressed up was sporting an overpriced Backstreet Boys shirt, tote bag or hoodie that immediately replaced their other tee or purse in anticipation of the boy band’s first Ruth Eckerd Hall appearance.
I knew they would make some insanely dramatic entrance, but it turned out to be even better. As soon as the lights went off so did the screams, cries and wails from every girl in the crowd. They had an elaborate stage setup on top of the actual Ruth Eckerd stage, complete with a staircase on either side of it, which was reminiscent of their older stage setups, just a quarter of the size of their arena shows. Now I’d never been to a BSB concert, but like all other 90’s teen girls, I knew all about what I’d missed at their shows.
They had this hilarious music video-esque/movie intro on a huge screen at the center of the top part of their stage. They had a countdown to the big moment and as their movie-screen selves started to move closest to the camera, they jumped out of the screen and the girls went crazy! Everyone was standing up and moving around as they opened with “Everybody, Backstreet’s back!”
At the risk of completely discrediting myself as having any kind of musical knowledge, I’ll admit I knew all the words and all the names of their songs through about 2003. After that I fell in and out of touch with them but knew they were still producing music. They said a new album is currently under way and should be releasing later this year. After 17 years they still have an amazing following, and this is even with one less Backstreet Boy than they started with.
After the big opener they played “We’ve got it goin’ on,” a newer selection called “PDA,” and a “Quit Playin’ Games/As Long as You Love Me” montage. Complete with wardrobe changes, fly-girls, and BSB movie interludes, the show was definitely quite the spectacle. They had a “Fast and Furious” montage with Howie against Vin Diesel which provided time to change and they reappeared in BSB sequined hoodies.
They still had the moves. Every once in awhile between the band themselves and the fly girls they would miss a beat or over-anticipate a step, but they still had it “Goin on’.” The crowd seemed to agree. They played songs new and old to satisfy every age in the crowd. “This is Us,” the title track to their most recent album was then followed by “Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely,” and “All I Have to Give.” They kept a good flow of new-old, new-old but you could tell who loved them from the start and who just recently jumped on the BSB bandwagon, with a simple scan of the crowd.
Besides the BSB “Fight Club” montage with AJ, the “Enchanted” montage with Brian, and the “Matrix” montage with Nick, the lighting, onstage drummer, and random use of cutesy props to act out the stories within the songs made for an amazingly entertaining evening. That’s the thing about Pop shows; it’s all a charade and a great one at that.
They’ve stayed consistent over all these years, which is more than we can stay for any other boy-band. BSB were some of the pioneers of the boy-band craze and it’s nice to see them still putting their all into their career. Sure, may be Pop music at its most trendy, but it certainly sticks with you; every fan at Ruth Eckerd Hall Monday night was a testament to that!
Backstreet Boys ended the evening with their greatest hit “I Want It That Way,” which ended up being the high point of the evening. They returned for a quick and easy one-song encore of their latest single “Straight through my Heart.”
The crowd left elated and ready to gab about the show. I heard a few guys commenting on how BSB updated their choreography, and even my husband admitted that, overall, the show was pretty good. For a trip down Pop music’s memory lane, it was a great one, and my fourteen year old self is finally at peace after having the ultimate boy-band experience to end Memorial Day Weekend!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
My MEN-Y Mistakes
Okay, so in my years of trying to be precious with my old best friend, Zane, I used to claim that he was my first boyfriend. Zane and I are exactly 4 months apart, and as babies we used to play. We were more or less inseparable during the times we were together. There happens to be one important and quite classic picture of us in diapers on the porch hugging. Ahhh, first love!
Probably a more realistic version of my first boyfriend, as memory served, would be Bradley. He was a year older - I always did like older men - we met during Pre-School. I gave him my E.T. stuffed animal because I loved him oh-so-much. We even went to the beach and camping together, or so we recall. We only broke up because he moved…and you know, we couldn’t do the long distance thing. He still has my E.T. doll.
My first grade boyfriend was James. I remember he was allergic to bees, but braved his mother’s garden to get me flowers once. Between our two families we went to the beach a few times, and even went to the Baltimore Aquarium together. We were close, until I switch schools.
In 3rd or 4th grade there was Rick. Rick gave me an “I love you” bracelet. It was one of those plastic and elastic things that came around some stuffed love-bug or bear’s neck. The “I love you” washed off the plastic heart when I washed my hands, almost as fast as we decided not to be boyfriend-girlfriend after all. I think we separated on pretty good terms.
From then on I pretty much ended up in the “friend zone” with men. For a long time, I thought it was cool. I seemed to have all the guys as my buddies, therefore I wasn’t seen as girlfriend material. It never really bothered me. I liked having guy friends; they were funny! Then, however, I entered high school, and with all the dances and social situations, one often needed to have a bona-fide “date.”
By the time I got around to asking, any of the cute guys were either already taken or just didn’t really want to go to the dances at all. I had one "official date" for homecoming of my sophomore year and he was sweet, pimply, and seemed to be pretty enamored of me. The kid would barely let me go to the bathroom, let alone do anything else that night. He was not my kind of guy but he was kind and showed me a good time so, the night was more or less a success.
After that I moved away from my Catholic School upbringing and entered the torrid environment of public schooling in Florida. After a year of sports, I'd managed to rid myself of all my “baby-fat." I’d apparently stumbled into being attractive. I got my first job at Target and met a guy. I was 16 and he was 20. Jonathan had his own apartment and was a sweet talker. We hung out for like 2 months. I started to get the feeling I wasn’t the only Target employee he was hanging around with and he got frustrated with the fact that I kept our relationship at a simplistic level. When I wouldn’t give him what he wanted, he ended it and then shortly after, he got into a lot of trouble for stealing things from the Target stockroom. I should have realized then, I go after the completely wrong men.
Yup, I pick winners. Sometimes I think that the only way I can have real relationships with guys is to keep it platonic. I used to have so many awesome guy friends and I mean actual "friends" but when I got to high school in Florida, everything changed. I’d just gotten used to that fact that I actually liked my body. It was kind of unexplored territory, discovering that guys found me attractive.
I started getting major crushes on guys after that. There were a few cuties here and there but somehow after the thieving, older man first-dating experience, my men-choices became relatively self-destructive. Not only did I never hook any real “boyfriends,” but I started to go after terminally unattainable guys.
I had a crush on this one guy in my Physics class and he came over to my house for a party once. After one too many Smirnoff Ice’s, I threw myself at him and he completely rejected me. After that I just stuck to the art of flirting. And then, one of the guys finally came to me.
I joined the Drama club and there were a few cuties but, in all actuality, most of those guys probably ended up on the other team. There was this one guy, though, that totally fell for me. I wasn’t instantly attracted to him, but the fact that he thought of me as something special was quite the aphrodisiac. What wasn’t a turn-on, was the fact that he had a girlfriend…in another state. Still though, we engaged in secret flirtations, talked online a lot, and made quite the private relationship. When his girlfriend arrived to see the Drama club play, I knew it was best to just walk away. Once I saw the girl that I’d more or less, betrayed, and she was none-the-wiser, I was no longer around just for his entertainment. So I went after one of his friends, who happened to be the lead in the play.
Now that I think about this whole scenario, and the sequence of events, I realize it’s pretty messed up. All of it! But, in the midst of what could have become some serious Drama club drama, I moved again. I was back, again, to the West Coast. Safely under the supervision of my father, I retired from any kind of dating scene…at least for the summer before my senior year.
Senior year was tough and I only made a small grouping of friends. I only needed four classes to graduate and I didn’t really get involved in any clubs. One day I met two guys, also new to South Eugene, Alex and Kevin. With having become the "odd ones out" as our thing we had in common, we clicked.
Kevin and I lived in the same part of town, were the same age, liked the same music and were both living with our fathers’ under protest. Alex hated his home life and liked being with us. We made quite the “gang.”
Kevin and I had a minor flirtation between us, but I was dug deep into the “friend zone” with him. He went after one of my "hot," girl buddies who rejected him because she knew I had a thing for him. One day we were snuggled up watching a movie and we kissed. I fell for him hard. He was my first love, but he did not love me back...at all. Even though we were inseparable, his parents loved me, my dad thought he was great, and people already thought we were dating, he never made it official. I started harassing him about prom and he kept saying “maybe.”
Then, on Valentine’s Day, I arrived at school to find my locker adorned in flowers with balloons and a note inside with a corny computer graphic of a high school couple at a formal dancing, and it read, “Will you go to prom with me? – Kevin.” I was floating on air. It was the best day ever; so romantic! That weekend he went to help me pick out my prom dress and told me his parents were giving us money for dinner and a limo. It was going to be the senior prom I’d always dreamed of. I was so happy.
A month before prom Kevin started dating a tall, big-boobed, freshman, basketball player. It didn’t seem too serious with them and he kept hanging out with me so I tucked my jealousy and hurt feelings far away. Plus, his parents hated her, what chance could she have? Two weeks before prom a mutual friend grabbed me in the hall and told me that I should find another date for prom…Kevin had decided to take Amber, his new girlfriend, instead of me. It broke me. It was one of those moments from a movie where everything just falls apart and some sad song plays in the background.
After that, we were never the same. I managed to forgive him, but we were barely friends. I started hanging out with some of his guy friends to prove I was over him and then I reconnected with someone who would change my life and my relationships with men forever. Kevin moved away a year after high school and I never heard from him again. I hear he’s married with a kid and found Jesus. Good for him!
Right around my 19th birthday I found my “first boyfriend,” Zane, again. He lived in Oregon and was moving to Eugene with his buddies to go to college. His Aunt, cousins, and his mom pushed for us to, at least, hang out a few times and possible forge a friendship. It was a success.
Zane, Mike, Eben, Josh and Scott moved from Medford to Eugene and changed my life forever. Zane was admittedly adorable, but totally into his ex-girlfriend, who was also moving to Eugene. Mike was cool and funny. Scott was tall and eccentric, and then there was Eben. He was a giant, red-headed, teddy bear, and the oldest in the house, Josh, was older, punk rock, and could buy us alcohol.
We all started hanging out because we lived 3 blocks apart. It didn’t take long for me to grab one. Unfortunately, true to form and bad habits, I picked Josh. Josh had the older man thing going for him, and he had a life story, a dysfunctional family and tattoos. He was mysterious…I later found out, it was in all the wrong ways.
I ended up spending a lot of my time paying for Josh and I to have a relationship: dinners, concerts, getting him to and from Medford. He lived with his grandparents, who had a lot of medical problems, and was in Medford a lot to take care of them. He was never that nice to me, but never that mean at the same time. Every once in awhile though, I thought he was lying to me or making things up. There was one day that he was acting a little too familiar – in ways I’d learned about first hand, after living with my mother. I started telling him he was making me uncomfortable and that it was kind of a déjà-vu situation.
Josh immediately got defensive and started getting really upset. The next day I came over to the house in between my two jobs and school to bring Josh food and I found him flirting with an unattractive and slutty friend of the neighbor. It was a little too suspicious. I pulled him aside to talk about it and he just got annoyed and acted as though I was crazy. After making up story after story and his borrowing dollar after dollar, one night we got into it and he started a screaming match. He raised his hand to me; I thought he was going to hit me but he held back.
The whole house heard him yelling at me…I think he knew he’d never escape unscathed if he touched me.
A week later I somehow ended up taking care of his little brother, staying at his house while he was in Medford. After that I left for a week to go visit my friends in Florida. Josh dropped me off at the Portland airport. I was gone the same time that my dad was out of town as well, and he said it was okay for Josh to borrow the car while I was gone. We barely spoke while I was away. I had a great time and pretended Josh and I had a good relationship the whole time I was in Florida.
The day I flew home, Josh was supposed to pick me up at the airport. When I got there, he was nowhere to be found. He didn’t have a cell phone, and his Grandparents had no idea where he was. He was more or less MIA. I called Eben and Mike franticly. I could have called my sister but it was too embarrassing. Four hours later, with Mike and Eben halfway there, Josh just appeared, and was then pissed off at me because he’d been searching for me for 30min.
He put me in the car-which was filthy- and had Eben’s dog, Harley, running around in it and told me that things were bad in Medford, and he’d be moving back there. He also told me that the guys in the house had turned against him and kicked him out of the house, and out of the band. He made it sound like I should hate them too but my heart was with the boys. I was going to stay out of it. He took me home, I fed Harley, he spent the night and then asked if he could borrow the car for two days to tie up loose ends in Medford.
Of course I said yes. I could ride my bike to work, no problem. That night he told me he loved me. I said it too, unsure, of if I even meant it. The next morning he left. I walked over to the house to give Zane, Mike, Eben and Scott the silly shot glasses, key chains and Florida touristy stuff I’d picked up for them on my trip. Scott started off on some stuff about Josh stealing from people, and I didn’t know what to say.
I went up to Mike and Eben’s room and they told me what happened: Josh had lied to us all – he’d had a severe pill problem. He’d been buying and stealing pain pills from the neighbor, stealing money from his roommates to get it, lied about any, and every job he had, and had run to Medford to stay off the radar. He tried to steal Harley the pug, and had put his little brother in the middle of it. Worst of all, he had duped me into giving him too much money-which the guys never knew about until that day- and now he had my car.
Mike and Eben drove me to Medford to get my car. This time the bumper stickers came in handy. My dad was away this whole time. I almost had to report the Echo stolen. But then we found him. Eben knew all of Josh’s hiding places, and we found him and Harley at his mom’s house. I told him to give me the car and the keys, and Eben took the dog. Poor Michael, Josh’s little brother, had come to be quite close to me and looked at me with concern. He asked “Alison, what’s happening? What’s wrong?” I looked and said “It’s fine Michael, get in the house, I need to talk to your brother.”
I don’t even really remember what I said but I couldn’t even look at him. I remember yelling about him lying to me and about him acting as though my actions were so rash. I told him I almost reported the car stolen. I was in tears, mostly mad at myself. I left and never saw him again.
That night I just wanted to see Zane. He’d gone home to be with his parents in the wake of all the drama. He didn’t really want to see me, or now that I think about it he didn’t want to at all. His then-kind-of-girlfriend, Veronica, gave me intense chocolate cookies to accompany me on my tearful journey home.
The next day I had to break the news to my father. I also found letters in my trunk from Josh. They were for everyone in the house…but not a single one was for me. All of them were apologies…and I didn’t get one. The only thing my dad said was that he hoped that after all of it, I didn’t lose faith in people as a whole. I was pretty broken. I wanted to stay away from guys…for a long time.
But, a month later, the best thing ever happened. Eben and I had always been best friends. He was always great to me. I felt safe with him. Then one night, after grabbing some movies and hanging out, he kissed me. At first it was weird. I didn’t know if we could take the relationship there.
Apparently he’d loved me since he met me, and wanted to make sure no one else stole me away. The whole house was excited for us to be together, believing that we both deserved some happiness. We started dating and made it for about 6 months before I got a little freaked. This was my first big relationship with meaning. We had some serious speed-bumps and potholes in our way. We were so young, but he stuck with me and I put everything into being good to him.
I’ll be honest, I messed up a lot. I picked fights that were irrelevant, I put too many other people before him, and I let other people interfere in our relationship but the love was always there – still is! We made it a little over a year and then—here is something you may not know: After One Down Enough lost their bass player to a Yoko Ono type, Eben and I broke up for 6 months. That’s right! Eben and I had this great relationship but when Mike left the band, the house and his best friend, Eben, all to be with his new love, it shook us all.
Eben and I decided that if we couldn’t be friends after dating, we couldn’t be together at all. So we pulled a “Ross,” a very “Friends”-esque situation and took a “break.” Eben dated one chick a little bit and I dated someone new as well.
I met Brady through Zane – another red flag - so far only one guy I met through Zane worked out, even Zane and I as friends ended tragic and dramatically! Anyway, Brady was tall, lanky, handsome and kind of a preppy kid. He was way out of my league but somehow I’d attracted him to me.
Brady took me on actual dates. Eben always did too, but Eben was the first. I didn’t know this was common with other guys. Brady picked me flowers, bought me dinners, drinks, let me control the remote, hang with his friends, all of it. He was sweet. But he got mad about the silliest things. In my effort to play everything right and avoid the games guys play, I guess things kind of went awry.
Brady had a psycho ex-girlfriend who called my phone and wanted to be friends. Brady would get drunk and be totally into me, then the next day, put me down. He didn’t want to take our relationship anywhere because he thought I was still attached to Eben. In some ways, I totally still was, but Brady never even gave us a real chance. Then, one night, his friends psyched me up to make him forget his psycho-ex that they all hated, and go reel in Brady. Brady had a lot to drink. I was going to stay over at his place but instead Brady told me I was a complete waste of time and he wished we’d never met. I left and decided I was done with the bullshit.
One of his friends asked what happened and I said, “For all intents and purposes we broke up.” I was well aware I was never his girlfriend but after three months of hanging out that’s what it felt like. Brady called me the next day, acted like nothing happened, said he didn’t remember saying that to me and then got annoyed I actually said the words, “broke up” about our relationship. He seemed to still want to hang out but I wasn’t into it.
True to form I ended up dating his friend for two weeks. His friend was apparently into me and I kinda thought he was cute too. Matt was the worst kisser ever! I should have known better. He also liked to parade the fact that I said we could hang out, in front of Brady. It was fun at first but then it got old, and so did being around Matt. He really liked me. He called me, text me all the time, and always wanted to hang out. I liked the idea of Matt, but we didn’t mesh well. Truthfully, I missed Eben.
Then I found out that Matt had bragged to Brady and the rest of Zane’s co-workers about his relationship with me, therefore I told a completely different story, out of pure anger and disgust that I’d managed to pick another, typical, shitty guy.
Eben and I started hanging out and talking about what we wanted. And we wanted each other. Two months later we made it official again, on what we call our “fake-iversary.” We had three perfect months together before we hit our next bump, which was my fault – as per usual. We bounced back okay.
Eben and I have always struggled well together, sharing battle wounds. We had a tumultuous two years after that. We got back together in January, moved in together in April or May, I left for London for three months in August, and came back late November. The time apart allowed me to heal. I’d unraveled myself into mess after mess. The only consistency in my life was the fact that Eben occasionally rolled me back into one piece again.
When I got home things got crazy. School was intense, friendships were more so, and my relationship with my family was all over the board. Between my Grandmother, my mother and my relationship with Zane, things were constantly throwing me for a loop. Eben stood by my fits, my self-destruction, and my wavering self esteem, always there to be my rock.
After 2008, a terrible year, the beginning of 2009 taking a turn for the worse, Eben and I reached a crossroads. Eben knew I was dying, emotionally. I wasn’t the girl he fell in love with. She was buried deep within the pain. It was a pain he didn't fully understand. He knew I was still in there but, I really needed to find her. I made a decision to make some real changes.
I was in a deep, dark, and scary depression. I sought counseling and started really talking it out. I did group and individual therapy. For awhile, I had a great web of support from friends and family. This time, when it all came crashing down, I had me, and then, just Eben and I together, as one, to weather the storm. He felt the pain too this time. It wasn’t just my crazy dysfunction. We were finally whole, and together. Eben and I did months of couples counseling to take us to the next step in our relationship, to really commit.
We’d talked about getting married and knew that whenever it happened we were going to move in a positive direction and finally just be "us." In all of my MEN-Y mistakes, Eben was the right to my wrong. And now he helps me write my wrongs.
Eben has given me the kind of love I never thought possible. Sometimes it still scares me; all of it. Sometimes I cry thinking of the pain I caused the only man who has loved me unconditionally. Sometimes I cry for the loss of time playing games and making the mistakes I did. But, now I’m just glad we escaped from all of it together, closer and better off in the end. I've gotten to the point where I'm thankful I made my mistakes.
We all have lists of regrets, things we wish we could take back…but if doing all those fucked up things and dealing with all of those fucked up men, is what brought me to my white knight, my Eben, my LOBSTER, I wouldn’t change it for the world!
To think we will have been together 6 years (give or take 6 months ;-) in October, and have been married a full year in June…I am so lucky, and I know it every single day! The one mistake I will never make, is risking my relationship with Eben ever again!
Probably a more realistic version of my first boyfriend, as memory served, would be Bradley. He was a year older - I always did like older men - we met during Pre-School. I gave him my E.T. stuffed animal because I loved him oh-so-much. We even went to the beach and camping together, or so we recall. We only broke up because he moved…and you know, we couldn’t do the long distance thing. He still has my E.T. doll.
My first grade boyfriend was James. I remember he was allergic to bees, but braved his mother’s garden to get me flowers once. Between our two families we went to the beach a few times, and even went to the Baltimore Aquarium together. We were close, until I switch schools.
In 3rd or 4th grade there was Rick. Rick gave me an “I love you” bracelet. It was one of those plastic and elastic things that came around some stuffed love-bug or bear’s neck. The “I love you” washed off the plastic heart when I washed my hands, almost as fast as we decided not to be boyfriend-girlfriend after all. I think we separated on pretty good terms.
From then on I pretty much ended up in the “friend zone” with men. For a long time, I thought it was cool. I seemed to have all the guys as my buddies, therefore I wasn’t seen as girlfriend material. It never really bothered me. I liked having guy friends; they were funny! Then, however, I entered high school, and with all the dances and social situations, one often needed to have a bona-fide “date.”
By the time I got around to asking, any of the cute guys were either already taken or just didn’t really want to go to the dances at all. I had one "official date" for homecoming of my sophomore year and he was sweet, pimply, and seemed to be pretty enamored of me. The kid would barely let me go to the bathroom, let alone do anything else that night. He was not my kind of guy but he was kind and showed me a good time so, the night was more or less a success.
After that I moved away from my Catholic School upbringing and entered the torrid environment of public schooling in Florida. After a year of sports, I'd managed to rid myself of all my “baby-fat." I’d apparently stumbled into being attractive. I got my first job at Target and met a guy. I was 16 and he was 20. Jonathan had his own apartment and was a sweet talker. We hung out for like 2 months. I started to get the feeling I wasn’t the only Target employee he was hanging around with and he got frustrated with the fact that I kept our relationship at a simplistic level. When I wouldn’t give him what he wanted, he ended it and then shortly after, he got into a lot of trouble for stealing things from the Target stockroom. I should have realized then, I go after the completely wrong men.
Yup, I pick winners. Sometimes I think that the only way I can have real relationships with guys is to keep it platonic. I used to have so many awesome guy friends and I mean actual "friends" but when I got to high school in Florida, everything changed. I’d just gotten used to that fact that I actually liked my body. It was kind of unexplored territory, discovering that guys found me attractive.
I started getting major crushes on guys after that. There were a few cuties here and there but somehow after the thieving, older man first-dating experience, my men-choices became relatively self-destructive. Not only did I never hook any real “boyfriends,” but I started to go after terminally unattainable guys.
I had a crush on this one guy in my Physics class and he came over to my house for a party once. After one too many Smirnoff Ice’s, I threw myself at him and he completely rejected me. After that I just stuck to the art of flirting. And then, one of the guys finally came to me.
I joined the Drama club and there were a few cuties but, in all actuality, most of those guys probably ended up on the other team. There was this one guy, though, that totally fell for me. I wasn’t instantly attracted to him, but the fact that he thought of me as something special was quite the aphrodisiac. What wasn’t a turn-on, was the fact that he had a girlfriend…in another state. Still though, we engaged in secret flirtations, talked online a lot, and made quite the private relationship. When his girlfriend arrived to see the Drama club play, I knew it was best to just walk away. Once I saw the girl that I’d more or less, betrayed, and she was none-the-wiser, I was no longer around just for his entertainment. So I went after one of his friends, who happened to be the lead in the play.
Now that I think about this whole scenario, and the sequence of events, I realize it’s pretty messed up. All of it! But, in the midst of what could have become some serious Drama club drama, I moved again. I was back, again, to the West Coast. Safely under the supervision of my father, I retired from any kind of dating scene…at least for the summer before my senior year.
Senior year was tough and I only made a small grouping of friends. I only needed four classes to graduate and I didn’t really get involved in any clubs. One day I met two guys, also new to South Eugene, Alex and Kevin. With having become the "odd ones out" as our thing we had in common, we clicked.
Kevin and I lived in the same part of town, were the same age, liked the same music and were both living with our fathers’ under protest. Alex hated his home life and liked being with us. We made quite the “gang.”
Kevin and I had a minor flirtation between us, but I was dug deep into the “friend zone” with him. He went after one of my "hot," girl buddies who rejected him because she knew I had a thing for him. One day we were snuggled up watching a movie and we kissed. I fell for him hard. He was my first love, but he did not love me back...at all. Even though we were inseparable, his parents loved me, my dad thought he was great, and people already thought we were dating, he never made it official. I started harassing him about prom and he kept saying “maybe.”
Then, on Valentine’s Day, I arrived at school to find my locker adorned in flowers with balloons and a note inside with a corny computer graphic of a high school couple at a formal dancing, and it read, “Will you go to prom with me? – Kevin.” I was floating on air. It was the best day ever; so romantic! That weekend he went to help me pick out my prom dress and told me his parents were giving us money for dinner and a limo. It was going to be the senior prom I’d always dreamed of. I was so happy.
A month before prom Kevin started dating a tall, big-boobed, freshman, basketball player. It didn’t seem too serious with them and he kept hanging out with me so I tucked my jealousy and hurt feelings far away. Plus, his parents hated her, what chance could she have? Two weeks before prom a mutual friend grabbed me in the hall and told me that I should find another date for prom…Kevin had decided to take Amber, his new girlfriend, instead of me. It broke me. It was one of those moments from a movie where everything just falls apart and some sad song plays in the background.
After that, we were never the same. I managed to forgive him, but we were barely friends. I started hanging out with some of his guy friends to prove I was over him and then I reconnected with someone who would change my life and my relationships with men forever. Kevin moved away a year after high school and I never heard from him again. I hear he’s married with a kid and found Jesus. Good for him!
Right around my 19th birthday I found my “first boyfriend,” Zane, again. He lived in Oregon and was moving to Eugene with his buddies to go to college. His Aunt, cousins, and his mom pushed for us to, at least, hang out a few times and possible forge a friendship. It was a success.
Zane, Mike, Eben, Josh and Scott moved from Medford to Eugene and changed my life forever. Zane was admittedly adorable, but totally into his ex-girlfriend, who was also moving to Eugene. Mike was cool and funny. Scott was tall and eccentric, and then there was Eben. He was a giant, red-headed, teddy bear, and the oldest in the house, Josh, was older, punk rock, and could buy us alcohol.
We all started hanging out because we lived 3 blocks apart. It didn’t take long for me to grab one. Unfortunately, true to form and bad habits, I picked Josh. Josh had the older man thing going for him, and he had a life story, a dysfunctional family and tattoos. He was mysterious…I later found out, it was in all the wrong ways.
I ended up spending a lot of my time paying for Josh and I to have a relationship: dinners, concerts, getting him to and from Medford. He lived with his grandparents, who had a lot of medical problems, and was in Medford a lot to take care of them. He was never that nice to me, but never that mean at the same time. Every once in awhile though, I thought he was lying to me or making things up. There was one day that he was acting a little too familiar – in ways I’d learned about first hand, after living with my mother. I started telling him he was making me uncomfortable and that it was kind of a déjà-vu situation.
Josh immediately got defensive and started getting really upset. The next day I came over to the house in between my two jobs and school to bring Josh food and I found him flirting with an unattractive and slutty friend of the neighbor. It was a little too suspicious. I pulled him aside to talk about it and he just got annoyed and acted as though I was crazy. After making up story after story and his borrowing dollar after dollar, one night we got into it and he started a screaming match. He raised his hand to me; I thought he was going to hit me but he held back.
The whole house heard him yelling at me…I think he knew he’d never escape unscathed if he touched me.
A week later I somehow ended up taking care of his little brother, staying at his house while he was in Medford. After that I left for a week to go visit my friends in Florida. Josh dropped me off at the Portland airport. I was gone the same time that my dad was out of town as well, and he said it was okay for Josh to borrow the car while I was gone. We barely spoke while I was away. I had a great time and pretended Josh and I had a good relationship the whole time I was in Florida.
The day I flew home, Josh was supposed to pick me up at the airport. When I got there, he was nowhere to be found. He didn’t have a cell phone, and his Grandparents had no idea where he was. He was more or less MIA. I called Eben and Mike franticly. I could have called my sister but it was too embarrassing. Four hours later, with Mike and Eben halfway there, Josh just appeared, and was then pissed off at me because he’d been searching for me for 30min.
He put me in the car-which was filthy- and had Eben’s dog, Harley, running around in it and told me that things were bad in Medford, and he’d be moving back there. He also told me that the guys in the house had turned against him and kicked him out of the house, and out of the band. He made it sound like I should hate them too but my heart was with the boys. I was going to stay out of it. He took me home, I fed Harley, he spent the night and then asked if he could borrow the car for two days to tie up loose ends in Medford.
Of course I said yes. I could ride my bike to work, no problem. That night he told me he loved me. I said it too, unsure, of if I even meant it. The next morning he left. I walked over to the house to give Zane, Mike, Eben and Scott the silly shot glasses, key chains and Florida touristy stuff I’d picked up for them on my trip. Scott started off on some stuff about Josh stealing from people, and I didn’t know what to say.
I went up to Mike and Eben’s room and they told me what happened: Josh had lied to us all – he’d had a severe pill problem. He’d been buying and stealing pain pills from the neighbor, stealing money from his roommates to get it, lied about any, and every job he had, and had run to Medford to stay off the radar. He tried to steal Harley the pug, and had put his little brother in the middle of it. Worst of all, he had duped me into giving him too much money-which the guys never knew about until that day- and now he had my car.
Mike and Eben drove me to Medford to get my car. This time the bumper stickers came in handy. My dad was away this whole time. I almost had to report the Echo stolen. But then we found him. Eben knew all of Josh’s hiding places, and we found him and Harley at his mom’s house. I told him to give me the car and the keys, and Eben took the dog. Poor Michael, Josh’s little brother, had come to be quite close to me and looked at me with concern. He asked “Alison, what’s happening? What’s wrong?” I looked and said “It’s fine Michael, get in the house, I need to talk to your brother.”
I don’t even really remember what I said but I couldn’t even look at him. I remember yelling about him lying to me and about him acting as though my actions were so rash. I told him I almost reported the car stolen. I was in tears, mostly mad at myself. I left and never saw him again.
That night I just wanted to see Zane. He’d gone home to be with his parents in the wake of all the drama. He didn’t really want to see me, or now that I think about it he didn’t want to at all. His then-kind-of-girlfriend, Veronica, gave me intense chocolate cookies to accompany me on my tearful journey home.
The next day I had to break the news to my father. I also found letters in my trunk from Josh. They were for everyone in the house…but not a single one was for me. All of them were apologies…and I didn’t get one. The only thing my dad said was that he hoped that after all of it, I didn’t lose faith in people as a whole. I was pretty broken. I wanted to stay away from guys…for a long time.
But, a month later, the best thing ever happened. Eben and I had always been best friends. He was always great to me. I felt safe with him. Then one night, after grabbing some movies and hanging out, he kissed me. At first it was weird. I didn’t know if we could take the relationship there.
Apparently he’d loved me since he met me, and wanted to make sure no one else stole me away. The whole house was excited for us to be together, believing that we both deserved some happiness. We started dating and made it for about 6 months before I got a little freaked. This was my first big relationship with meaning. We had some serious speed-bumps and potholes in our way. We were so young, but he stuck with me and I put everything into being good to him.
I’ll be honest, I messed up a lot. I picked fights that were irrelevant, I put too many other people before him, and I let other people interfere in our relationship but the love was always there – still is! We made it a little over a year and then—here is something you may not know: After One Down Enough lost their bass player to a Yoko Ono type, Eben and I broke up for 6 months. That’s right! Eben and I had this great relationship but when Mike left the band, the house and his best friend, Eben, all to be with his new love, it shook us all.
Eben and I decided that if we couldn’t be friends after dating, we couldn’t be together at all. So we pulled a “Ross,” a very “Friends”-esque situation and took a “break.” Eben dated one chick a little bit and I dated someone new as well.
I met Brady through Zane – another red flag - so far only one guy I met through Zane worked out, even Zane and I as friends ended tragic and dramatically! Anyway, Brady was tall, lanky, handsome and kind of a preppy kid. He was way out of my league but somehow I’d attracted him to me.
Brady took me on actual dates. Eben always did too, but Eben was the first. I didn’t know this was common with other guys. Brady picked me flowers, bought me dinners, drinks, let me control the remote, hang with his friends, all of it. He was sweet. But he got mad about the silliest things. In my effort to play everything right and avoid the games guys play, I guess things kind of went awry.
Brady had a psycho ex-girlfriend who called my phone and wanted to be friends. Brady would get drunk and be totally into me, then the next day, put me down. He didn’t want to take our relationship anywhere because he thought I was still attached to Eben. In some ways, I totally still was, but Brady never even gave us a real chance. Then, one night, his friends psyched me up to make him forget his psycho-ex that they all hated, and go reel in Brady. Brady had a lot to drink. I was going to stay over at his place but instead Brady told me I was a complete waste of time and he wished we’d never met. I left and decided I was done with the bullshit.
One of his friends asked what happened and I said, “For all intents and purposes we broke up.” I was well aware I was never his girlfriend but after three months of hanging out that’s what it felt like. Brady called me the next day, acted like nothing happened, said he didn’t remember saying that to me and then got annoyed I actually said the words, “broke up” about our relationship. He seemed to still want to hang out but I wasn’t into it.
True to form I ended up dating his friend for two weeks. His friend was apparently into me and I kinda thought he was cute too. Matt was the worst kisser ever! I should have known better. He also liked to parade the fact that I said we could hang out, in front of Brady. It was fun at first but then it got old, and so did being around Matt. He really liked me. He called me, text me all the time, and always wanted to hang out. I liked the idea of Matt, but we didn’t mesh well. Truthfully, I missed Eben.
Then I found out that Matt had bragged to Brady and the rest of Zane’s co-workers about his relationship with me, therefore I told a completely different story, out of pure anger and disgust that I’d managed to pick another, typical, shitty guy.
Eben and I started hanging out and talking about what we wanted. And we wanted each other. Two months later we made it official again, on what we call our “fake-iversary.” We had three perfect months together before we hit our next bump, which was my fault – as per usual. We bounced back okay.
Eben and I have always struggled well together, sharing battle wounds. We had a tumultuous two years after that. We got back together in January, moved in together in April or May, I left for London for three months in August, and came back late November. The time apart allowed me to heal. I’d unraveled myself into mess after mess. The only consistency in my life was the fact that Eben occasionally rolled me back into one piece again.
When I got home things got crazy. School was intense, friendships were more so, and my relationship with my family was all over the board. Between my Grandmother, my mother and my relationship with Zane, things were constantly throwing me for a loop. Eben stood by my fits, my self-destruction, and my wavering self esteem, always there to be my rock.
After 2008, a terrible year, the beginning of 2009 taking a turn for the worse, Eben and I reached a crossroads. Eben knew I was dying, emotionally. I wasn’t the girl he fell in love with. She was buried deep within the pain. It was a pain he didn't fully understand. He knew I was still in there but, I really needed to find her. I made a decision to make some real changes.
I was in a deep, dark, and scary depression. I sought counseling and started really talking it out. I did group and individual therapy. For awhile, I had a great web of support from friends and family. This time, when it all came crashing down, I had me, and then, just Eben and I together, as one, to weather the storm. He felt the pain too this time. It wasn’t just my crazy dysfunction. We were finally whole, and together. Eben and I did months of couples counseling to take us to the next step in our relationship, to really commit.
We’d talked about getting married and knew that whenever it happened we were going to move in a positive direction and finally just be "us." In all of my MEN-Y mistakes, Eben was the right to my wrong. And now he helps me write my wrongs.
Eben has given me the kind of love I never thought possible. Sometimes it still scares me; all of it. Sometimes I cry thinking of the pain I caused the only man who has loved me unconditionally. Sometimes I cry for the loss of time playing games and making the mistakes I did. But, now I’m just glad we escaped from all of it together, closer and better off in the end. I've gotten to the point where I'm thankful I made my mistakes.
We all have lists of regrets, things we wish we could take back…but if doing all those fucked up things and dealing with all of those fucked up men, is what brought me to my white knight, my Eben, my LOBSTER, I wouldn’t change it for the world!
To think we will have been together 6 years (give or take 6 months ;-) in October, and have been married a full year in June…I am so lucky, and I know it every single day! The one mistake I will never make, is risking my relationship with Eben ever again!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Ben Harper and the Relentless 7 Rocked the Ritz Ybor on May Day!
To start off May, and end their tour, Ben Harper and the Relentless 7 came to the Ritz Ybor to rock his fans and melt our faces before continuing on to play a few festivals this summer. I hadn’t seen Ben Harper since just before he and the Innocent Criminals took off in 2003, touring and making albums like “Diamonds on the Inside.” Saturday May 1st, 2010 Ben was back with his new band and a completely evolved sound.
As a huge Ben Harper fan, I can tell you I’ve followed him for years. He won me over with “Burn to Shine,” I backtracked into “Pleasure and Pain,” “Welcome to the Cruel World” and “The Will to Live,” and was hooked waiting for the release of “Diamonds On the Inside.” When “Both Sides of the Gun” and “There will be Light” came out, I was already in love. I’d only heard bits and pieces of his work with Relentless 7, but I knew I was in for an amazing night.
To open up the evening the crowd met Alberta Cross. On disc they seemed a bit too whiny but live they were really entertaining and brought a certain stage presence with them that the audience loved. As a Ben Harper fan put it, they were “like Black Crowes and Kings of Leon met and had a baby and produced this.” The lead must have channeled some Jack White to make for his gestures and his aura while singing. The crowd was filling in while rocking to Alberta Cross’s beats waiting for Ben Harper and the Relentless 7.
Outside the Ritz Ybor I heard it was going to be a three hour set. I thought it may have included the opening band but I wouldn’t put it past Ben Harper to play himself, his band, and his audience into beautiful exhaustion.
Around 10pm Ben and the Relentless7 took the stage. The crowd went wild and everyone was dancing, hooting, hollering and staring hypnotically in awe of the musicians. Ben switched guitars with almost every new song – he had acoustic, electric, and lap guitars galore. Every time he transitioned from one instrument to another his fans seemed to get more and more anxious to see what he would do next.
He played every note and sang every tune with such intensity that he kept his eyes mostly closed while playing, as if to stay completely centered with the music. He rocked so hard that three songs in he was drenched with sweat, which prompted the ladies of the crowd to yell for him to “take it off!” He mentioned in the Creative Loafing interview with Leilani Polk that the chemistry and dynamic with the Relentless 7 was so “organic.” This was something made very clear as the show progressed all night. Harper also mentioned that the album and the music made the band and that the band didn’t just create the music. This was evident as well.
He shocked a few fans by not only playing most of the songs off of “White Lies for Dark Times,” but by revisiting some of his work with The Innocent Criminals and his earlier albums. He opened up with “Diamonds on the Inside,” later played “Amen Omen,” and “Better Way.” “Boots Like These,” “Number with No Name,” “Feel Love,” and “Why Must You Always Dress in Black” were big crowd pleasers from his latest work.
He was able to take the fans up, rocking loud and really grooving with them, and bring ‘em back down into slower songs, easing into the next big jam session. The Relentless 7 wowed on the drums, guitar and bass, perfectly complementing Ben’s every whim, note and move. Just when you thought the song was over, or a musical moment had ceased, they blasted out a tune roping everyone back in.
It was a spiritual kind of performance. Ben Harper and his band had developed a new kind of sound, much harder than that of “Both Sides of the Gun.” While some could feel Ben is a somber, low key kind of musician, with the Relentless 7 he is raw, empowering and demands that the music truly moves the listener. An audience member claimed that this was his only album you could really dance to, and everyone else seemed to agree. Standing still was not an option.
After two hours…it seemed like the three hour set rumor was very true and we still had quite the musical journey ahead of us. Around midnight they closed the evening. Ben reappeared for a slow solo encore, bringing a few fans to tears, then left again to be beckoned back onto stage with the band for an amazing finale. To finish on his lap guitar, not only did he take his solo to another level but was able to balance his metal finger slide in such a way to create a sound that was paired with his finger beats on the base of the guitar to sound like a heartbeat. This made for an ominous end to the evening.
Picks, drumsticks, set lists, and then even his metal finger slide were given to his fans. Harper thanked the crowd profusely for being such a wonderful audience. It was an epic evening, to say the least. Ben Harper and the Relentless 7 were very much – pun-intended – relentless in pleasing their fans and making the ending of their tour at the Ritz Ybor, something to remember. After three hours, they left the crowd wanting more, and waiting in anticipation for the release of their next album. Everyone seemed to be happy that he was “Relentless Ben.”
As a huge Ben Harper fan, I can tell you I’ve followed him for years. He won me over with “Burn to Shine,” I backtracked into “Pleasure and Pain,” “Welcome to the Cruel World” and “The Will to Live,” and was hooked waiting for the release of “Diamonds On the Inside.” When “Both Sides of the Gun” and “There will be Light” came out, I was already in love. I’d only heard bits and pieces of his work with Relentless 7, but I knew I was in for an amazing night.
To open up the evening the crowd met Alberta Cross. On disc they seemed a bit too whiny but live they were really entertaining and brought a certain stage presence with them that the audience loved. As a Ben Harper fan put it, they were “like Black Crowes and Kings of Leon met and had a baby and produced this.” The lead must have channeled some Jack White to make for his gestures and his aura while singing. The crowd was filling in while rocking to Alberta Cross’s beats waiting for Ben Harper and the Relentless 7.
Outside the Ritz Ybor I heard it was going to be a three hour set. I thought it may have included the opening band but I wouldn’t put it past Ben Harper to play himself, his band, and his audience into beautiful exhaustion.
Around 10pm Ben and the Relentless7 took the stage. The crowd went wild and everyone was dancing, hooting, hollering and staring hypnotically in awe of the musicians. Ben switched guitars with almost every new song – he had acoustic, electric, and lap guitars galore. Every time he transitioned from one instrument to another his fans seemed to get more and more anxious to see what he would do next.
He played every note and sang every tune with such intensity that he kept his eyes mostly closed while playing, as if to stay completely centered with the music. He rocked so hard that three songs in he was drenched with sweat, which prompted the ladies of the crowd to yell for him to “take it off!” He mentioned in the Creative Loafing interview with Leilani Polk that the chemistry and dynamic with the Relentless 7 was so “organic.” This was something made very clear as the show progressed all night. Harper also mentioned that the album and the music made the band and that the band didn’t just create the music. This was evident as well.
He shocked a few fans by not only playing most of the songs off of “White Lies for Dark Times,” but by revisiting some of his work with The Innocent Criminals and his earlier albums. He opened up with “Diamonds on the Inside,” later played “Amen Omen,” and “Better Way.” “Boots Like These,” “Number with No Name,” “Feel Love,” and “Why Must You Always Dress in Black” were big crowd pleasers from his latest work.
He was able to take the fans up, rocking loud and really grooving with them, and bring ‘em back down into slower songs, easing into the next big jam session. The Relentless 7 wowed on the drums, guitar and bass, perfectly complementing Ben’s every whim, note and move. Just when you thought the song was over, or a musical moment had ceased, they blasted out a tune roping everyone back in.
It was a spiritual kind of performance. Ben Harper and his band had developed a new kind of sound, much harder than that of “Both Sides of the Gun.” While some could feel Ben is a somber, low key kind of musician, with the Relentless 7 he is raw, empowering and demands that the music truly moves the listener. An audience member claimed that this was his only album you could really dance to, and everyone else seemed to agree. Standing still was not an option.
After two hours…it seemed like the three hour set rumor was very true and we still had quite the musical journey ahead of us. Around midnight they closed the evening. Ben reappeared for a slow solo encore, bringing a few fans to tears, then left again to be beckoned back onto stage with the band for an amazing finale. To finish on his lap guitar, not only did he take his solo to another level but was able to balance his metal finger slide in such a way to create a sound that was paired with his finger beats on the base of the guitar to sound like a heartbeat. This made for an ominous end to the evening.
Picks, drumsticks, set lists, and then even his metal finger slide were given to his fans. Harper thanked the crowd profusely for being such a wonderful audience. It was an epic evening, to say the least. Ben Harper and the Relentless 7 were very much – pun-intended – relentless in pleasing their fans and making the ending of their tour at the Ritz Ybor, something to remember. After three hours, they left the crowd wanting more, and waiting in anticipation for the release of their next album. Everyone seemed to be happy that he was “Relentless Ben.”
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
When in Margaritaville, Do as the Parrotheads Do
Jimmy Buffet and the Coral Reefer Band took over the Ford Amphitheatre on Saturday April 24, 2010, and it was an electrifying experience, to say the least. I completely underestimated the size of the venue, and the intensity with which the Jimmy Buffet fans, or “Parrotheads” as they tend to be called, celebrate the concert occasion.
I’ve seen tailgating…but there are no words to describe the festivities in action just on the way to park for the show. You must just watch and take it in. Grass skirts, coconut bras, on women and men, parrot, shark, cheeseburger, and straw hats decorated every which way you could see. There were mardi-gra-like beads, tiki shirts, silky surf tops, board shorts, sun dresses and Jimmy Buffet shirts too. Everyone was drinking something, whether it was Landshark beers, margaritas, or drinks out of coconuts and pineapples. Buffet songs were blasted on too many car stereos to count. The place was packed with Parrotheads.
As soon as people started filling in, beach balls were bouncing all over the lawn section and the seated area. Before the show two roadie-looking characters in board shirts and sleeveless tops came out to entertain the crowd with a t-shirt shooter and a backpack that was an extendable palm-tree-shaped basketball net for fans to try and shoot hoops in.
For the beginning of his “Under the Big Top” tour series, Buffet chose Tampa, and his fans clearly appreciated it. The lawn looked as if it was standing room only and the audience in the seated section seemed ready to dance. With drinks in hand and smiles on faces, the Parrotheads were ready to welcome Buffet onto the stage.
Jimmy Buffet and the Coral Reefer Band appeared and the party began. Behind his big band was a huge LCD screen with beach scenes and landscapes, occasionally sharing footage from Buffet’s 40 years of touring. The Coral Reefer band consisted of keyboards, steel drums, percussion, guitar, bass, amazing supporting vocals from both male and female vocalists, drums, pedal steel guitar and trumpet, not to mention the Buffet, himself.
The show started off with high energy. Buffet was outfitted in shorts and an A1A shirt. The fans were mouthing the words, dancing, swaying and basically enjoying being “Under the Big Top.” It seemed like there were thousands of people there to help him kick off his 2010 tour. Buffet could relate and trace almost every single song to an experience in Florida, and every song he played had a story or island tale to accompany it.
He played for about two hours with a quick 15-min intermission halfway through, complete with an old Buffet video to keep us entertained. Notable songs added to the set list for this tour, according to Buffetworld.com, included “Knees of My Heart,” “Frank and Lola,” and “Tin Cup Chalise.” He chose to debut “Big Top” on Saturday and played the songs everyone knows him for including “Cheeseburger in Paradise,” and “Margaritaville.” Unfortunately “Why Don’t We Get Drunk…” did not make the set but, the show was amazing nonetheless.
The people or Parrothead-watching at the amphitheatre was epic. They were just as entertaining as Buffet, and when they imbibed more and more drinks, at times they were almost more entertaining. The real die-hards were seemingly stationed in the lawn area. You could feel the care-free, beachcomber vibe within the breeze as it occasionally swept through.
Buffet was very aware of how important his fans are, and how well they can party, “Some of you may take flight tonight and never leave the ground,” he joked. He claims that it’s the Tampa Parrotheads that really know how to tailgate. He also mentioned the “pirate mentality” of those in the “land of Gasparilla.” By the end of the show he had given away his bracelets and kicked off his flip flops, worn only for the encore, into the crowd to appease his many followers.
“Just like Santa, I come once a year,” said Buffet. And this year, he gifted devoted fans with a mind-blowing performance. He ended the evening by taking the fans, “Away again in Margaritaville.” Just before the finale, Buffet said someone once asked, “You ever get tired of those songs?” He responded, “No, because it’s not about me, it’s about you and how much the fans love hearing the songs.”
As he finished, the crowd went wild with applause banging on any and everything to entice him back for more. He returned within just a couple minutes. The big hit of the encore was “Fins.” Literally just about every pair of hands and arms in the place made the formation of a shark to swim and sing “Fins to the left, fins to the right.” It was contagious really, in the best way.
Finally Buffet took the stage alone and bid his fans farewell after the introduction of the Coral Reefer band. The evening surpassed any expectations and overall was just astounding. I’d seen some serious fans before but nothing like the Parrotheads. Buffet himself, is even better live than any night you listen to him at home. For forty years he’s been rockin’ his fans, and Saturday night being “Under the Big Top with Buffet and the Parrotheads, he kicked off another tour by doing nothing less than that once again.
I’ve seen tailgating…but there are no words to describe the festivities in action just on the way to park for the show. You must just watch and take it in. Grass skirts, coconut bras, on women and men, parrot, shark, cheeseburger, and straw hats decorated every which way you could see. There were mardi-gra-like beads, tiki shirts, silky surf tops, board shorts, sun dresses and Jimmy Buffet shirts too. Everyone was drinking something, whether it was Landshark beers, margaritas, or drinks out of coconuts and pineapples. Buffet songs were blasted on too many car stereos to count. The place was packed with Parrotheads.
As soon as people started filling in, beach balls were bouncing all over the lawn section and the seated area. Before the show two roadie-looking characters in board shirts and sleeveless tops came out to entertain the crowd with a t-shirt shooter and a backpack that was an extendable palm-tree-shaped basketball net for fans to try and shoot hoops in.
For the beginning of his “Under the Big Top” tour series, Buffet chose Tampa, and his fans clearly appreciated it. The lawn looked as if it was standing room only and the audience in the seated section seemed ready to dance. With drinks in hand and smiles on faces, the Parrotheads were ready to welcome Buffet onto the stage.
Jimmy Buffet and the Coral Reefer Band appeared and the party began. Behind his big band was a huge LCD screen with beach scenes and landscapes, occasionally sharing footage from Buffet’s 40 years of touring. The Coral Reefer band consisted of keyboards, steel drums, percussion, guitar, bass, amazing supporting vocals from both male and female vocalists, drums, pedal steel guitar and trumpet, not to mention the Buffet, himself.
The show started off with high energy. Buffet was outfitted in shorts and an A1A shirt. The fans were mouthing the words, dancing, swaying and basically enjoying being “Under the Big Top.” It seemed like there were thousands of people there to help him kick off his 2010 tour. Buffet could relate and trace almost every single song to an experience in Florida, and every song he played had a story or island tale to accompany it.
He played for about two hours with a quick 15-min intermission halfway through, complete with an old Buffet video to keep us entertained. Notable songs added to the set list for this tour, according to Buffetworld.com, included “Knees of My Heart,” “Frank and Lola,” and “Tin Cup Chalise.” He chose to debut “Big Top” on Saturday and played the songs everyone knows him for including “Cheeseburger in Paradise,” and “Margaritaville.” Unfortunately “Why Don’t We Get Drunk…” did not make the set but, the show was amazing nonetheless.
The people or Parrothead-watching at the amphitheatre was epic. They were just as entertaining as Buffet, and when they imbibed more and more drinks, at times they were almost more entertaining. The real die-hards were seemingly stationed in the lawn area. You could feel the care-free, beachcomber vibe within the breeze as it occasionally swept through.
Buffet was very aware of how important his fans are, and how well they can party, “Some of you may take flight tonight and never leave the ground,” he joked. He claims that it’s the Tampa Parrotheads that really know how to tailgate. He also mentioned the “pirate mentality” of those in the “land of Gasparilla.” By the end of the show he had given away his bracelets and kicked off his flip flops, worn only for the encore, into the crowd to appease his many followers.
“Just like Santa, I come once a year,” said Buffet. And this year, he gifted devoted fans with a mind-blowing performance. He ended the evening by taking the fans, “Away again in Margaritaville.” Just before the finale, Buffet said someone once asked, “You ever get tired of those songs?” He responded, “No, because it’s not about me, it’s about you and how much the fans love hearing the songs.”
As he finished, the crowd went wild with applause banging on any and everything to entice him back for more. He returned within just a couple minutes. The big hit of the encore was “Fins.” Literally just about every pair of hands and arms in the place made the formation of a shark to swim and sing “Fins to the left, fins to the right.” It was contagious really, in the best way.
Finally Buffet took the stage alone and bid his fans farewell after the introduction of the Coral Reefer band. The evening surpassed any expectations and overall was just astounding. I’d seen some serious fans before but nothing like the Parrotheads. Buffet himself, is even better live than any night you listen to him at home. For forty years he’s been rockin’ his fans, and Saturday night being “Under the Big Top with Buffet and the Parrotheads, he kicked off another tour by doing nothing less than that once again.
An Eye Opening Experience with the Blind Boys of Alabama
On April 23, 2010 WMNF sponsored the Bird Street Players and the Blind Boys of Alabama onstage at the “Skipperdome.” Arriving early to grab a bench ended up not being early enough. In a predominantly older crowd, the early-birds got the worms, and the good seats. The place was filled with fans of the Boys that had listened to them for decades.
The show took off promptly at 8pm with the Bird Street Singers. I’d seen them before at the Zombie Christmas show. Tonight they were far more energetic and funk-tastic. With a bass, timbales, drums, keyboard, and electric guitar, they rocked the opening set and announced that after the Blind Boys of Alabama finished their set the Players would be back for more.
The crowd was steadily filling in as the sun was setting. Mosquitoes were on the loose but the crowd was too anxious to care. The place was buzzing with chatter and excitement. This particular WMNF event had a completely different feel than the ones before. Perhaps it was the bluesy-gospel-harmonies about to ensue, but the vibe was amazing.
The Blind Boys of Alabama were helped onto the stage while given a huge welcome with applause, whistling and cheering from the audience. They announced “We don’t like to play for a conservative crowd, so if you want to jump up, jump up!” They launched into a few of what they referred to as, “Grammy songs.” Decked out in sharp sapphire-blue suits and their signature sun-glasses they left the crowd in awe as their energy and 3-part-harmonies bellowed out from the stage.
There were not many people mouthing every word to every song, but instead moving, grooving and taking in the tunes. The soulful sounds and intense dedication to the music you could feel from each note was enough to bring a fan to tears. During their set, they played “Perfect Peace,” a “Spirit in the Sky” cover, “Free at Last” and their epic rendition of “Amazing Grace.”
The three main singers took turns sitting. At one point in the performance, the sitting and standing was like a game. Joey Williams, the guitarist, would walk behind Jimmy Carter and sit him down, and then Bishop Billy Bowers would stand and dance around. As Williams would get Bowers seated, Ben Moore would then get up. It was like some kind of bluesy musical chairs. The only one who stayed seated throughout the charade was drummer, Eric McKinnie.
While Joey Williams occasionally blasted out an extreme falsetto solo, it was the deeply southern sounds, the gospel-esque wails, and crazy long notes that made for an amazing set. It was one of those shows where you were so mesmerized by the performance, and you had so much fun, even ten minutes after you leave it’s difficult to really remember which songs they played.
Towards the end of the performance Carter asked the crowd, “Do you feel good?” And after holding a note for what felt like five minutes straight said, “I feel good now!” Shortly after, the Blind Boys bodyguard escorted Carter into the crowd to party with the fans. It was just about then that the “non-conservative” crowd got loud and rowdy; just in time for the big finish.
The Blind Boys of Alabama introduced the band members, with solos by each player included, and then had a great instrumental finale. After the crowd chanted “We want ‘em back” they returned for a quick encore. The on-stage chemistry makes this ensemble a musical marvel! Jimmy Carter closed the evening saying, “We hope we sang something that made you feel like you never felt before. That’s what we try to do.” They tried and they succeeded. After a night watching the Blind Boys of Alabama in action, there is only one way to sum up that Friday at the Skipperdome: “Impressive.”
The show took off promptly at 8pm with the Bird Street Singers. I’d seen them before at the Zombie Christmas show. Tonight they were far more energetic and funk-tastic. With a bass, timbales, drums, keyboard, and electric guitar, they rocked the opening set and announced that after the Blind Boys of Alabama finished their set the Players would be back for more.
The crowd was steadily filling in as the sun was setting. Mosquitoes were on the loose but the crowd was too anxious to care. The place was buzzing with chatter and excitement. This particular WMNF event had a completely different feel than the ones before. Perhaps it was the bluesy-gospel-harmonies about to ensue, but the vibe was amazing.
The Blind Boys of Alabama were helped onto the stage while given a huge welcome with applause, whistling and cheering from the audience. They announced “We don’t like to play for a conservative crowd, so if you want to jump up, jump up!” They launched into a few of what they referred to as, “Grammy songs.” Decked out in sharp sapphire-blue suits and their signature sun-glasses they left the crowd in awe as their energy and 3-part-harmonies bellowed out from the stage.
There were not many people mouthing every word to every song, but instead moving, grooving and taking in the tunes. The soulful sounds and intense dedication to the music you could feel from each note was enough to bring a fan to tears. During their set, they played “Perfect Peace,” a “Spirit in the Sky” cover, “Free at Last” and their epic rendition of “Amazing Grace.”
The three main singers took turns sitting. At one point in the performance, the sitting and standing was like a game. Joey Williams, the guitarist, would walk behind Jimmy Carter and sit him down, and then Bishop Billy Bowers would stand and dance around. As Williams would get Bowers seated, Ben Moore would then get up. It was like some kind of bluesy musical chairs. The only one who stayed seated throughout the charade was drummer, Eric McKinnie.
While Joey Williams occasionally blasted out an extreme falsetto solo, it was the deeply southern sounds, the gospel-esque wails, and crazy long notes that made for an amazing set. It was one of those shows where you were so mesmerized by the performance, and you had so much fun, even ten minutes after you leave it’s difficult to really remember which songs they played.
Towards the end of the performance Carter asked the crowd, “Do you feel good?” And after holding a note for what felt like five minutes straight said, “I feel good now!” Shortly after, the Blind Boys bodyguard escorted Carter into the crowd to party with the fans. It was just about then that the “non-conservative” crowd got loud and rowdy; just in time for the big finish.
The Blind Boys of Alabama introduced the band members, with solos by each player included, and then had a great instrumental finale. After the crowd chanted “We want ‘em back” they returned for a quick encore. The on-stage chemistry makes this ensemble a musical marvel! Jimmy Carter closed the evening saying, “We hope we sang something that made you feel like you never felt before. That’s what we try to do.” They tried and they succeeded. After a night watching the Blind Boys of Alabama in action, there is only one way to sum up that Friday at the Skipperdome: “Impressive.”
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