The Parenting Wall

We've all had those moments. Those moments when you're just done parenting. It's time to tap out. Those times when you hit, the parenting wall.

 

The pictures above are from a favorite indie film, Run Fatboy Run, where they talk about the "runner's wall," that every marathon runner hits. Well, all of us parents hit the parenting wall too.

I hit my parenting wall on Saturday around 8PM. My daughter may actually speak more than she breathes, and car rides are grueling in every way. Between the, "Are we there yet's?," the complaints in general, asking for the snacks, arguing about the music and random fits where I have to distract her so as not to tantrum, anything over 20 minutes and she loses it.

We had a great Saturday but there was a lot of car time, and a lot of people to see. When we got home around 7:45PM from being on the go since 9AM, I was just so done. I just wanted to eat something real and rest but, alas, I still had adulting to do.

By the time I sat down to eat at 8:45PM, my powers were diminishing rather than renewing. My daughter started in about sleeping in our room instead of hers and I had lost the will to scold or argue. By 9:45PM we were tucked in and ready to go in the big bed. By 3AM I was wedged between her and the dog but was luckily too exhausted to struggle and just gave into only "okay" sleep.

I mustered my way around the wall a bit on Sunday, but then cleaned our whole house, and when my husband walked in, the wall had rebuilt to the point of no return. I WAS DONE PARENTING. I HIT THE PARENTING WALL. I tapped out. I threw a tantrum at my husband and that was it.

After many conversations with amazing people, I've realized that we hit the parenting wall repeatedly. And it's completely okay.

There are no real guide books on parenting. I mean there are, but they won't fix every situation because every kid is so different, as is every family. You can ask for advice and ask what to do, but the best thing is still going to be going with your gut and all your natural instincts. 

Kids are smart. They talk back. They make questionable choices. We're supposed to guide these little beings while still trying to figure out our own stuff. What kind of crap is that, right? It's life, though.

Today, I just offered to listen. Then I offered a solution and offered up different ways to help. I offered up what worked on me in my childhood. Yesterday, I listened, I offered support and was reminded that everything is just one day at a time, and it's okay to step back from what you feel is overwhelming.

Parenting is overwhelming...at every stage in life. If your 6 year old is sassy and talking back, or if your 13 year old is acting out and evading your parental advice, or your 20-something year old isn't pulling their weight around the house, you'll hit your parenting wall and you just have to scale it, and come back on the other side.

This is easier said than done. No one "parents right." No one has some perfect kid. We are all just doing what we can, and that's all we can do. Everything is temporary. That is a fact and also cliche.

You'll hit the wall, sometimes even daily, but you still prevail, right? It's normal. It's okay, and you're not remotely alone in the struggle. Kid and family time is such an intensive blessing, but we are also all humans who need a break too. You gotta find your balance. And remember, just because you hit the wall or want to tap out, it doesn't mean you aren't trying. You're doing better than you think you are! Carry that with you; up and over that wall if you need to! Tomorrow is another day, so until then!

Short Weeks Feel Longer And Throw Off Schedules: #Facts

TGI-Thursday you guys! Okay so I'm not completely used to having Good Friday off, or having paid holidays in general but I am incredibly grateful, I can say that.

This week has felt long, and tomorrow I'm off and the kiddo will be at her aftercare program for the majority of the day, so I will even have time to myself. Regardless, all of the cliches are hitting me with truth this week. "Long days, short years," and all the other ones about short weeks being worse than regular ones, and then other deeper stuff creeps in as well.

So with my schedule in disarray, my emotions in flux, and everything pushing me to just be copacetic and float through muddling, here is where I am: I can't make people communicate the way I might need. I can only put out there all the good vibes and prayers. I try to stay hopeful instead of frustrated or upset, even if I'm awaiting a response that my never come.

Some routines will be disrupted and leave you feeling like you need to be doing more, but if your kid is clothed, fed, clean and happy, maybe a little TV time won't actually kill her, especially as a reward for a good week. I realized I got something I've been pining after for 9 years and it happened organically and magically as it should have, but I'm so impatient I had to take a serious step back to realize I finally got what I asked for, it just took awhile for delivery, so to speak.

Social stuff can be hard and everyone has their boundaries and ways of operating towards one another. Not taking things personally or feeling hurt and ignored, is super difficult for me. I spend a lot of energy talking myself out of being upset over uncontrollable things, but I don't feel silly for that inner dialogue anymore, I feel stronger.

I'm so simple that after a post on Instagram about a rough day, waking up to a text from my best friend while he's been on vacation but took the time to wish me a better day the following morning, totally made me feel seen, heard and helped me have that better day. It's amazing what some encouragement can do.

As a mother and grown woman, it really bothers me when other adults don't have spacial awareness in terms of not crowding one another unnecessarily but also, are insanely loud in a shared room for no apparent reason. This is coming from a notably loud mother. It's a pet peeve, but still, don't we teach our children about "inside voices?" It's still applicable today. 

As per my post yesterday, money stuff sucks for EVERYONE. I saw too many Facebook posts in disagreement about rebuilding Notre Dame and donations made. Any subject of money is just stressful. I had to just log off and get away from all that.

You can't will someone to change, to respond, or to make an effort. You can only put out good vibes into the universe and hope they hit the appropriate people in the appropriate way and boomerang back to you with some semblance of what you might need. Expectations can make ugly emotions and anxieties, even uglier.

Lastly on this random collection of deep thoughts and short week reflections, I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read any of my stuff, even if you dislike or disagree. Some days I stare at a blank post for awhile and feel like I churn out nothing worthwhile. Other days it pours out of me like I was just waiting for the keyboard and screen to be ready for it all. Some days this feels like something on the "to do" list. Other days this is what I'm longing to do. So thank you, each and every reader of every post, for doing this for me. Hopefully it's not on your "to do" list but rather something you can find some entertainment and joy in. 

Happy Friday Eve!