Time Away, Feasts And Fitness, Back To Routines

This weekend was pure bliss with just an overnight away that made all the difference. The big thing for me this year, just 3 years after the car accident, this was the first year I didn't wear that trauma as an accessory all day. 

Being away gave me time to think. One overnight away with no distractions, just us, just our needs, not those of the tiny dictator, was a completely awakening experience, and long overdue. We managed to go back to basics, if you will. We didn't even turn on the TV. 

With all that time and freedom, and too many mirrors in the place we were staying, it did make me a little too introspective and self-judgmental so this morning I really tried to recharge on staying body positive and productive.

I had to get a little real with myself this weekend and sometimes those moments suck. about 12 years ago I got really real about my diet and exercise. I was on weight watchers and I was working out sometimes twice a day, but doing spin, weights, running and yoga. 

Weight watchers put a LOT into perspective, especially as a 20 something who had alcohol as just part of the lifestyle. Once you can drink, you drink and go out non-stop, or so my friends and I did. Alcohol is quick calories.

A lot of the weight watchers tools, I still use but with parenthood and full time working, I also don't have that much time to eat, regardless. I've had to become more mindful with eating, especially over the last two years and it's not quiet a diet but just paying attention.

So here is what I know: I'll never ever not eat carbs, but limiting them is no problem. I keep bread away from it becoming a snack, yup I'm that person. I need fruit to help keep a balanced diet because I suck at eating fruit. Veggies are my life blood. The worst thing I do is make a huge salad with spinach, carrots, tomatoes, croutons, sometimes a form of protein, and cheese and cover it in home-made oil and vinegar spice dressing. That is my favorite ever, my default, and my biggest pig out.

I don't order pizza anymore. My husband makes epic homemade pizza and that I love. I also love tacos. Salad and pasta are my at home go to if my husband hasn't make some kind of chicken, veggie rice thing. We almost never eat out.

I love pretzels but am mindful not to keep them around. My other huge cheat snack and vice is oil-popped popcorn. The worst thing I indulge in is dessert because my kid is into it. I try really really hard to buy dessert that I don't like that she does, and just drink all the tea before bed so I don't snack.

What's sad is I don't even eat that much, and yet I'm having such a rough time with my body image. It didn't help that part of my blissful weekend landed us at the outlet mall and I tried on my first pair of gap jeans in a long time, in both of my "normal" sizes and it got defeating, fast.

I found this workout quote and mantra of "workout because you love your body not because you hate it," and I'm carrying that close with me. I don't hate my body, but right now, it feels like I have to work awfully hard to stay comfy and I dislike that. I'm very much working on my patience for my body getting used to new routines but this weekend was rough.

We ate an amazing feast. I rarely go all in and indulge. We had appetizers, salad, main course, dessert, cappuccino, and it was just amazing. I haven't had a dinner like that in years. We ate like things. I didn't feel bad for being a foodie and enjoying life, but I struggle because I bloat and was carrying a lot of swollen water weight that day.

This is a brand new week, and I'm hatching some methods to the madness and getting ready to get back to routines and to even make some new ones. 

I'm so grateful for the time that was shared this weekend and the conversations and quality time, but  I'm definitely feeling incredibly introspective and awake right now. I'm thinking of some new subjects to blog about and welcome any ideas. Happy Monday readers! Thanks for the weekend away!

Week Of Anniversaries - Some Better Than Others

So, Thursday marks a decade since I graduated college. Friday marks a decade of marriage. Saturday marks a decade since we left Oregon to start our journey to Florida, and 3 years since the car accident. The car accident anniversary is murky; everything else is good, happy milestones.

Graduating college was a trip. It was something else and it was definitely overshadowed by the wedding, but I kind of liked it that way. My college stuff was rough. I still have some resentment because I literally found out my last semester that I was in the completely wrong program for what I actually wanted to do with my life. But, we continue.

If you look at our wedding now, it was unimpressive. To us, it was this huge send off into life together and literally everyone pitched in. The dads split the venue, my sister helped with the cake, my other sister bought a bunch of wine, my dad did the ceremony and helped with my dress, too. We did a lot on our own. My husband catered it with a friend and his mom bought the supplies. Our friend brought a PA system and I made a playlist on my iPod he played. The boy I nanny-ed for all those year played songs on guitar too. Everyone had a blast.

It was after that we moved away and started a life that was just ours. We've struggled a lot. Our past handful of anniversaries have been less fantastic. For our first anniversary we went to St. Augustine and had a blast. After that, with the exception of a quick overnight when in Pennsylvania we have been with the little one and just tried to grab a dinner.

This weekend is a night away about 90 minutes away from home and I'm ridiculously excited honestly. It's been a long time since we wanted to make the effort to spend time together. Last year we stole 3 days together, not anniversary related but we barely even have a date night anymore so this is kind of a big deal.

We will be driving on the car accident anniversary, which makes me a bit nervous, but I love being further and further away from that day. My daughter talks about it a lot. She isn't afraid to discuss it at all, and I always answer her questions and tell her how it was because she only remembers bits and pieces. Even my husband has a rough time remembering.

It's so weird thinking about all of this. A decade being married, a decade of no longer being a student and fully a part of the working world, and 3 years far from that horrible day. All in the span of 3 days.

This is the first year in a long time none of it has plagued me, I'm not just feeling completely weighed down. I want a one night break. I want to just enjoy each other. I don't want to be afraid to drive.

My best friend told me that marriage is made up of a lot of bad years and her husband always says he wants to get those over with so they can just make it to the good. I wholeheartedly agree. And this is the first time in a long time that I've felt like maybe year 10 could be a wholehearted good one.