Health Hassles

The irony in life seemingly never stops, and today was quite the test, quite the example. It was doctor time, check up time, wellness physical and all that. Last year was the slippery slope of the the thyroid drama. This year was all new challenges.

The weight thing I've accepted will just always be a struggle. While I no longer carry the self-hatred and self-loathing I once did, and I am avidly working on loving my body more mindfully, technically I am overweight. I don't feel it much, if at all, but by American body mass index standards, yes I am overweight.

So first thing in the door they stick me on that scale. I knew it was coming. I didn't enjoy the number, but it also wasn't a complete surprise. I wish I could say "yeah because all I do is eat." I wish I could say, "Too many desserts" or "too many days of skipping workouts." It's none of that.

Ironically enough, this is the most sober I've been since I was 18. Compared to this time last year I'm drinking a fraction of what I was. I went from drinking a couple nights a week to only weekends to now, two drinks once or twice a month. I went out recently and had A beer. Just one beer. Yeah I'm growing up and adulting. It's happening.

I've curbed the bread stuff too although pumpkin loaves are necessary. It's fall. Mostly though, I have no one to impress but myself. I'm not even partial to what hubby thinks. Judge not lest ye be judged, or whatever.

After that was the blood work part. The good news was my natural thyroid supplement from Amazon is doing it's job. I'm actually stoked about this. The bad news was within two new categories. Before I divulge the bad news, this isn't like "life-threatening" or "life altering" but when you're 34 you just want to hear "You're fine, maybe exercise more."

The new blood panel was too much of the bad cholesterol and not enough of the good cholesterol. Also my liver levels made mention as, we'll see what happens next year but they are "off" but better than last year. I'm not sure any of that was encouraging.

If I'm being completely honest and candid, I'm just waiting for the day I walk in and they say "cancer." Is that morbid and horrible? Sure. Is it kind of realistic anymore? Maybe. I had my appendix removed when I was 17 which has been my only surgery. I've had a sprained ankle but never anything broken. My hospital experiences with my daughter made me regret not having a home birth, especially when it comes to breastfeeding.

I'm not exactly the biggest fan of western medicine. I know it works wonders. I know there are some people who receive excellent care, but if I didn't have to go to the doctor, I doubt I ever would. I feel like they never tell you good news, but almost only bad news. Or maybe that is just me.

Mostly I feel like health stuff is mostly a hassle. Everyone has their own ideas and own experiences with it but what I have experienced in the medical fields have been mostly negative. 

So here is my ray of hope or my positive outlook in the murky midst of adulting: I'm glad I got a supplement from Amazon that doesn't break the bank that is actually helping my thyroid stay okay. I'm glad I have a cholesterol excuse to force my husband to make me more salmon and halibut and such. My liver? Well, I'm not drinking  much so suck it up buttercup.

I work out often. I'm mindful about what I eat. I'm not going to let some number on a scale and some blood work translator scare me into wasting my life away missing out on a great pumpkin beer, or go low carb. Bread is life. Even Jesus said that. I will, however, stay aware.

My body tells me a lot. My body can tell when things are off and I'm going to "stay woke" as the cool kids say. In this world with health advances and opportunities, I plan on staying as un-medicated as possible but as present as I can with what information I'm given.

I had a moment where I thought this could negatively affect my vacation and I just thought, no thanks. If ever there were a reason to eat and enjoy what I like, this would be it. I haven't binged on potato chips for a good car ride in ages. There will be full breakfasts each morning. While I'm glad I'm "in the know" about my body, part of my loving that body and loving myself, is to live my life to the fullest, which goes for my stomach too. After all, there are pumpkin coffees, pumpkin loaves and wedding catering at stake! Did you say steak?!?

The Reasons Why I Think Netflix's Series "Maniac" Is A Gorgeous Mental Health Awareness Journey

Netflix released a show called "Maniac" which has been on my "I have to sit down and watch that" list for almost a year or whenever it first came out. I love Emma Stone and Jonah Hill, especially together.

I was probably the only person on the planet who didn't understand all the fuss about La La Land. Don't get me wrong, Emma Stone performed wonderfully, sang and danced like a champ, but the plot went from weird to worse and then was so utterly depressing I would have rather just subjected myself to the Notebook twice in a row. On top of that I found the only cute scene to be the one where they are literally dancing around their own attraction, but who doesn't want to stare at Ryan Gosling? So, I lost 2 hours of my life, whatever.

I consider Maniac as Emma Stone's personal apology to me for La La Land, as ridiculous as that may seem, it makes me feel better to think of it that way. I found the series to be a strange triumph.

I'll keep spoilers to a minimum as I encourage you to watch on your own, but it's futuristic, trippy, sometimes a little out there, gripping, dramatic and emotional.

Long story short, in a somewhat futuristic version of NYC we meet Jonah Hill's character, who is immediately shown as confused and quickly outed as mentally unstable. This is followed by meeting Emma Stone, who is definitely fragile, possibly addicted and reliving some trauma, by her own choice.

The stories wind you all over, but Emma Stone and Jonah Hill end up testing a pharmaceutical drug to "fix" your mental and emotional trauma from some new futuristic company run primarily by forms of Artificial Intelligence. It takes us inside the minds of Stone and Hill for these weird dream-like reflections of what actually happened to them in real life, or some semblance of it. Somehow, against every programming issue and all odds, Hill and Stone keep meeting in each other's dream sequence as if the universe is pushing them together.

Throughout the series they drop these beautiful little hints to say, "big pharma can't cure," that's what therapy is for. Little nuances of "therapy is good but invokes complicated emotions," and "addiction is another hurdle of these advertised cures, by the way" are peppered throughout the story, along with other weird life truths that are often glossed over in most series with comedy, instead of confronted.

I will spoil a little, this is not a love story or even romantic. It's more, bonding through shared trauma and understanding how messed up things can be. It touched my heart by the end of it, to know that you could embrace your struggles if you have the right tribe:

I think we often find ourselves in a place where we feel like we need to find a cure for our ills and for most of society, we self medicate with what we can get our hands on: alcohol, recreational drugs, coffee, soda, food, cigarettes, the gym, how we eat, the list can go on and on. 

Then we see great advertisements offering a "cure" for your anxiety, depression and so on and so forth when really we just need to face the demons. This whole facing your inner demons thing is handled quite intensely and beautifully throughout the series for almost every character with which it is associated. It's figuratively, metaphorically and plainly executed throughout the stories, now that I think about it, and it's entertaining as hell.

This was one of those shows I just couldn't stop watching in terms of, you're locked on the screen because you need to try and make sense of it all. There are so many facets within that you're like, "Is that real, or imagined?"

It was darkly funny and ironic at moments, but ultimately very dramatic and heartfelt. Starting the series came to me at a time when I needed it most. It was a wonderful distraction but also kind of a reminder that even in dark, uncertain, weird mental times, you can find commonality and friendships.

If you can't get into the dreamy, whimsical fantasy mixed with bits of reality, you may not be able to get into it, but I for one found it refreshing and comforting. I commend Jonah Hill and Emma Stone for their artistic adventure. Currently this only has one season, and they ended it in such a way that a second season isn't necessary, but I'm kind of open to it.

Happy Wednesday readers! If you need a weekend binge-watch, you're welcome!