Dining Out With My 6 Year Old Is Stressful And I'm Done Pretending It's Not

We live in a weird time, especially in terms of family habits and meal routines. I was raised with the idea of, "What is put in front of you, you eat, like it or not." I now live so grateful that anyone would cook for me that I eat everything, even if I in fact hate the food. When I studied in London my host mom made steamed white mushrooms with everything. Add enough salt and pepper and I stomached them, no complaint. I detest regular mushrooms.

My dad made me eat green beans so much that to this day, I never make or order them; I would never pick them on my own. When I was growing up I used to end up eating two dinners because my dad would feed me before I played at the neighbors and they ate later than us so when I went over and was asked "Do you want to join us for dinner?," I was under the impression it was impolite to say no and not partake.

I have no such rules in my life or house. We rarely eat together at the table, but more often in front of the TV. And I have inadvertently made the habit of eating in my room whilst doing chores. Why? Is it being busy? Is it being lazy? Is it just really bad habits? Is it not caring? It's probably a weird mix of them all. We sit down for dinner with friends and on holidays. We sit down for actual meals on occasion, but if I'm being honest? We're in a kid food conundrum and we all eat at different times and have completely different schedules.

I always feed my kid before I feed myself. I eat completely different foods than she does. I ask often if she wants to eat together and if she doesn't really want to, I don't force her. We have never had much of a budget to go out to eat in any regularity and I learned quickly that in my daughter's current culinary phase it's a waste of time and money.

If the mac and cheese looks or tastes "different," if the breading on the chicken isn't right, if the cheese on the pizza isn't what she wanted, if the hot dog is weird, she won't eat it. So I spend $10 or worse on a stressful time out, where I'm arguing with her, scarfing down my food while I can before she won't sit still, and then I leave with leftovers for her or us both that either further go to waste, or I have to reheat and stomach myself later on. This is not my idea of a good time.

She does better out to eat with my husband but the older I get, the less and less willing I am to risk my time and more-so my money on some culinary caper that could figuratively and literally backfire. I also just don't like monitoring my child to the point of insanity and the whole technology at the table thing as a distraction doesn't sit well with me if we are making an attempt to GO OUT and have "quality time." She can sit in front of the TV at home, why take a mini TV with us?

When we do sit as a family, we talk and joke and eat and then clean up. But there are nights when just her and I sit down and I'm watching her eat, forcing her to get done before she can watch TV and then it's more stress than to just let her watch HER shows, with HER food, while I go be productive or maybe relax in my room. It's okay to think this isn't the best system, because I hit my wall with it and then we end up back at a table or restaurant for more trials. This is just what works. For us. For now.

On vacation the eating out thing just wrecked me. I felt fortunate to have my best friend willing and able to feed my child at their house, and all of the things she loves, with no argument and perfect negotiation skills. We ate all meals at the table, and my daughter loved every moment. If I'm being real, my husband is only home for dinner two nights a week, and he cooks separate things for me and especially for her. She always wants, "daddy's grilled cheese." When she's with mommy it's usually quesadilla time.

She's difficult because if you go to anywhere that isn't Chili's, Red Robin, Panera ( and Panera I can at least enjoy) she might just go on a hunger strike or just ends up eating all french fries and no protein. I stopped torturing myself by taking her out to eat because I can't stand the negotiation. We don't have those issues at home TV dinner or not, she just eats and then clears her plate before asking for dessert.

You can read this and think I'm a bad mom who needs to re-evaluate habits but I've written before about how dinners by the light of the TV were my staple with my dad when my mom left, so they feel okay, and natural. My daughter and I do chores and homework to earn our relax time and as you can imagine her being done with things always precedes my finishing up my "to-dos," so feeding her first never feels like I'm slighting her.

As far as going out to eat, when you're married to a chef you get very stingy with not getting what you pay for when it comes to meals. I almost exclusively dine at my husband's restaurant maybe once a month because I know exactly what I'm getting. I'm also a weirdo in that I have no issue dropping $300 on a gourmet dinner but if I go to Red Robin, feed 3 people for $70 and get sub-par, mishandled food, I get completely irate and go back into hibernation.

Perhaps it's because that $70 is half of a week's worth of groceries, which would be no hassle compared to a crummy meal and handling 6 year old whims out in the world. Hence, I can justify it, and any restaurant worth spending $300 is probably serving the real deal so I can handle that better. Regardless, I have officially stopped pretending that my daughter's stressful dinners out thing is anything but actually stressful and I'm finally in a good place with it.

On vacation our first lunch was a huge flop for her and we even made it her way. I was so anxious. We had to pre-feed her before a wedding, AND before a gourmet dinner out because rather than order and have her not eat it, at least we knew she ate. In New York we ate at Panera twice in 48 hours and she did not enjoy an actual NYC slice of margarita pizza because the cheese looked weird.

It's not worth the stress of me arguing with her at dinner. It's not worth the energy taking her out honestly. I really dislike pretending my kid is that "perfect kid" at restaurants. In fact, going out to eat is kind of a racket anymore, in my personal opinion. You will find some GREAT places, but I'm much more confident in my Chik-Fil-A, Panera and say Tijuana Flats purchases than a P.F Changs, Applebee's or Outback Steakhouse purchase. I at least know my child will carb and protein load at the aforementioned establishments.

I'm very much done doing all that to myself. In every sense, it is not worth it and pretending it doesn't  affect me negatively is equally as stressful. So much like my general "not doing what I 'should' be doing" phenomenon, I am very much over making this unnecessarily harder for myself.

It is in my mindset to better implement dinner table dinners, but last night we were all watching Spiderman together, each of us eating comfy in the living room, laughing and enjoying full family interaction. To me, it is convenience and comfort over "tradition" and routine. I remember not being able to wait to finish my meal and getting away from the table to get back to whatever I was doing, so I think my "cheat" of in front of the TV eating experiences cuts down on that in a weird way because she's already where she wants to be.

I'm also starting to own my war wounds. After a tumultuous handful of years and finally grasping some calm, I don't really want to fight for things that are more maddening than helpful and that increase both my daughter's and my own anxiety. Her comfort is her quiet time with her shows and movies and her favorite food, which she gets exactly from me. I always feel better when I'm lost in visual storytelling and drama as opposed to forcing uncomfortable dinner interactions with family over a race to clear your plate.

In this mode of healing, I don't feel bad that we are still developing good things and memorable routines. We have plenty of time for family dinners out and table dining when she's ready to commit to the moment. For the 6 year old attention span right now, I pick my battles carefully. And as for this Friday, I continue to push through to more growth and continue my journey, no matter how weird, how "unconventional" and how lackluster some of our habits may be. Here we grow!

Workout, Errands, Mom, Repeat

I've had quite the anxious flare the past few days. To combat, it's distraction, distraction, distraction and working out is always at the top of my list with that. The transition to my new obsession, 9 Rounds kickboxing, was much easier and more positive than I had originally imagined.

9 Rounds is a new phenomenon of 30 minute kickboxing circuits, 3 minutes each round, and there are no class times, you just go during operating hours and start at the bell. I'm that weirdo who needs a 5AM workout block or maybe 5:30AM at least. I'm a working mom who commutes a good 40 minutes, if not longer, and I need to get my stuff done EARLY because summoning the energy after 6PM is often impossible.

I can't lie, it really helps to punch things. Ironically when we first moved to WestChase about 8 years ago, we were one block away from the newest kickboxing fad, and of course now the name escapes me, but I was desperate to join. Hubby was convinced I'd hurt myself and it was also crazy expensive. Now I found a place that works for the budget, the time and is the stuff of my workout dreams. Did I also mention no running? I love to not run. 

Today, on Good Friday, I have a miraculous day off filled with Easter errands and even a little fun. As part of Florida life the forecast is completely horrifying and I'm sure will include rain and thunderstorms, but I will not be deterred.

Somehow my mom ingrained in me this weird routine on me from my childhood of Peeps, new socks, new underwear, and a bathing suit in my Easter Basket. I'm one of the few people on this planet that actually enjoy Peeps. My daughter will be getting similar things, between my mom and I but is obsessed with chocolate so I definitely have to go get those supplies today.

This morning I was able to get my daughter ready for after care myself, pack her lunch, and drop her off, which is not something that happens often. I was also able to guest star at my former, new and re-designed, boot camp for a volleyball court sandy workout, after I had already done 30 minutes at 9 Rounds. I was pretty proud of me.

Currently I am blogging in my favorite local bakery, awaiting a breakfast date, before hitting the mall later with another friend and then dinner after I pick up my little one, bathe her and get her ready for Grandma time. It ended up being a very full day in the best way.

These are the days where I feel I can thrive well and mentally reboot because, I repeat, distraction, distraction, distraction. Pinpointing the anxiety triggers can be as exhausting as the anxiety itself, but sometimes it really helps me to sift through, even the most uncomfortable parts of it all.

When I was younger I used to write poetry or do a lot of painting and now time gets in the way of those things often. This blog has become my most productive, albeit diatribe-y use of my time for letting some things out into the universe.

Sometimes I'm kind of hard to explain to people. Often, I'm not fully "gotten" by people. I had a friend ask me about going to Good Friday service which is about 30 minutes away from our home at our church. Last year I tried with my daughter and I carried her out of there screaming and punching me. She was the only kid in attendance and they had no daycare. Also, the Good Friday stations of the cross stuff is slightly severe for little ones. I loathed this time of year when I was in Catholic School; the stations took hours!

Not only did I forget that today was actually Good Friday in that sense but to drive up there for a 6ish service and then home sounded exhausting and, by default, was the only Friday I could get my mom to babysit for a night out with a friend I'd been trying to connect with for a month. Sometimes you gotta do you instead of get stuck in what you "should" do. Besides, I'll be there like a good churchgoer on Sunday.

Most of my days feel like a routine of Workout, Errands/Work, be a Mom and repeat and some are more successful than others. I work hard not to overdue it but know I need to get out and be social and coexist more often. 

I'm able to kick my anxiety, in some ways, when I workout often, have good interactions with good friends, and get myself away from having time to "obsess and mentally wander." Working out extra makes me so tired that I can't stay up overthinking and over analyzing and I'm also often too tired to eat my feelings aka binge on Oreos and junk out of stress.

Mom stuff goes both ways. Sometimes I feel like this together, competent, attentive mom. Sometimes I feel like I'm one step away from an evil queen in a Disney movie locking someone away in a tower. It just depends on the day. 

I'm so lucky that my job doesn't leave me to carry too much stress around with me outside of the office, so rarely does my anxiety get me there but more so in the calm or down time. I'll find my way again and we all get into a funk but I think it's important to get yourself out of said funk on your own if at all possible.

I tend to thrive best in the comfort of certain cohorts, with excess workouts, a little meal planning, a little splurging, and a lot of time to mentally reboot and sleep. Often I take a huge step back from social media but with blog promotion, that's tough but it's something I'm very much considering right now. The blog would still be posted daily but the daily updates on Facebook and Insta would take a pause.

For today with the impending stormy weather, I'm ready to storm into my tasks and take names. I'm pretty determined to make this into very much a Good Friday if not even a great one. Have a wonderful holiday weekend readers and I will report back tomorrow on whether or not today was as designed!