Mother's Day Washing Machines And Sick Kiddos

I've been fantasizing about a new washer and dryer, more-so a new washer, for at least 2 years. Every time I think we have money for it, life happens. There is a medical or car-related issue, or something life-wise comes first.

My mom does her laundry at my house. Since Christmas she has been ruthlessly nagging about my crappy appliances. This irks me to no end for a laundry list, pun intended, of reasons. First, most parental relationships would have the mom figure say, "Hey your washer sucks, I'll give you a few hundred towards a new one." Or some even just buy their children new appliances, or so I've heard. My mom hasn't the means to buy us one, but also doesn't have the means to be nice about the one we have apparently. It washes the clothes, hence it's main function, it's just definitely time for a new one. Also, my mother is anything but domestic, so when she complains about appliances, when she lives in an appliance-less apartment, it just cracks me up. Feel the eye roll.

Some soon-to-be-newlywed friends are moving to new digs and sold us their one-year-old, still-under-warranty Maytag to be retrieved today. I'm ridiculously excited about this. True to form, I told my mom that this purchase was her mother's day present. I bought her a new washer so she won't have to complain anymore. Success!

In other news, my daughter has had a cough the last 72 hours and last night it hit new heights. My husband worked 9 days in a row and is off today so I think they are both taking a life-hiatus together, with exception of washer pick up. This is a great excuse for me to leave work early, however, so I'm all in.

This is only my daughter's second sick day the entire school year and they only have 2 weeks left of the year. She's a super healthy kid but much like her mother, just needs some time to do nothing and heal from time to time. It's kind of a rainy Tuesday, too, so it's ideal.

I feel blessed that I have a job that doesn't shame me for being a mom when I'm needed. I feel blessed that I have a husband willing to chill with his kiddo when she needs some parental snuggles and extra attention. I feel blessed that we are all growing and building on things right now. It's not often I can say that.

There are things in life that will be frustrating. My random feeling of weight gain and my stupid thyroid are on the top right now. Paying down bills and life things getting in the way of life fun are always unfair-feeling obstacles, but I've been thinking how far we've come and I have to give credit where credit is due.

We have our decade as Floridians pending this summer, and I think this is the first year we won't end up in the hole, begging everyone for money, and feeling inferior in adulting things. What a nice perspective. I think a lot, maybe even too much, and I'm kind of realizing the way the universe has laid out it's obstacles, challenges and things to overcome isn't so coincidental or random after all. Perhaps we had to go through the all the storms to get to the end of the rainbow.

Mostly I just feel like, we are the epitome of things never going as planned. We have had grand designs and things have always happened outside of our timelines, but mostly as they should. We have suffered some yucky, difficult things. We've been horrible to each other at times, and to other people we love. But, we've learned a lot and are better off for having lived those lessons.

There's plenty I'm still completely unsure about. There's still cautious optimism and plans that are damned to be derailed. We're still finding our footing and putting in the work to build, but that's more than I've been able to say for a long time.

So Mother's Day washers are better than shiny new sets that put us in debt, and sick days at home with snuggles are better than getting sicker and pushing through school and work. Sometimes you need a day after the transition, after the exhaustion, to just kick back and reflect. You may find the view more appealing than you'd originally designed. And 1 year old washers work just as good as new ones, and either beats one that's been kicking at least the past decade. It should be quite a Tuesday. 

My Attempt At Being The Cool Fun Mom On Mother's Day Failed Wonderfully, But What A Learning Experience

What was my post about yesterday? Oh how I'm super anxious, overly sensitive and really need clear boundaries? Enter good intentions gone to shit, excuse my french.

So, Mother's Day, when you're married to a man who essentially runs or manages a restaurant, is the worst. Not only does he always work, but if he didn't, he wouldn't dare take you out anywhere, because he knows it will be packed and quality will go down more often than not. I'm okay with staying in, and this morning I had a gorgeous start to my day. I should have expected anything but smooth sailing, in retrospect.

So, I had to take my daughter to get a hair cut. Super easy. She did great. And the bribery? We were going to pet puppies. We've been talking about puppies a lot. About a month ago on a distant mom friend's Instagram feed I saw her take her children, 6 and 8 or 9 I think, to pet puppies at PetLand two towns south of us. We used to work right next to a PetLand in Lutz and my husband and I would play with the puppies and argue about how expensive they were.

So, I have zero intention of buying a puppy, but I just wanted some puppy cuddles. We go straight for the golden retriever. Immediately my daughter gets overwhelmed by the puppy jumping, nipping and being all over. The puppy pees and poops in the little area and my daughter stands on the little bench to get someone's attention and we just hang in the stench a few minutes. They ask me to stand back and hold the puppy.

Here is the most important thing. They give us no information about the puppy except it's a girl. They give us no guidelines about anything. They don't check on us. And finally we get out of the pooped and peed confined space. My daughter asks if we can have another puppy. She picks one that looks like a small Dachshund-chihuahua looking thing. 

We get put in another pen with a bench, maybe an inch higher than a couch in it, and off we go. My daughter likes this one and we play on the floor for a good 10 minutes. I have to ask what kind of dog this is and hear it's some kind of small grayhound? I'm still unsure. So my daughter asks if she can sit on the bench with the puppy after the puppy pees in the corner and leaves a mess so she doesn't get pee on her. 

The puppy squirms from my daughter sitting, jumps off the bench, but slips on the slippery concrete and bonks it's butt on the door. It then sits up, starts yelping at us and whimpering. I didn't know if it was a bark. Immediately out of nowhere a female employee comes over and yells at us "What happened!?" She started the puppy and it moves slowly around. She said, "Why is it limping?!, in a very mean tone?" I said, "I don't know, it jumped from the bench." She immediately gave my daughter the stink eye and said "You're not supposed to have the dogs on the bench. We have to take him to the kennel now to make sure he can walk!" My daughter burst into tears because the puppy was taken away.

I was completely mortified. The puppy was just being a puppy. Puppies jump. They jump off of high places. They slip, they trip, they bonk. Our pug got his paw stuck in a bench and yelped murder once. A friend of ours had a chihuahua mix break it's leg and have it in a cast. Puppies are just puppies. I dragged my child out of the store crying.

I had my whole range of anxious emotions. First, I was worried about the puppy and felt like some shamed animal abuser. I don't even spank my kid when she deserves it. Then I was angry someone made my kid cry. Then I sighed and was like, "Maybe that woman is having a really bad day. After all, she cleans up animal piss and feces all day. Then I calmed my child. Her first reaction was being disappointed that they took the puppy, then that we couldn't see any more puppies.

I wasn't trying to see any puppies after that lady made me feel so horrible, trust me. And the guy "helping us," was like "Have a nice day," and didn't seem to care at all about the situation so yeah. I had a moment of feeling like, wow this is a horrible place. But then I made another questionable decision, which was to hit another puppy store down the road.

This one was even sadder, and it smelled bad. We found one cute beagle mix that was calm. My daughter said, "I just want like a calm puppy mom." I told her that doesn't exist.

It was the official departure from all things puppy we had a talk in the car. I asked my daughter, "Honey you're not upset because you somehow think you hurt that puppy, are you?" She quickly snapped back, "I didn't hurt that puppy mom." I said, "No, baby you did not. That puppy got hurt being a puppy." We talked more.

I said, "How often does Brodie fall and bonk? He jumped off your loft bed! Remember Jaxie had to be careful when Aunt Stacey came to visit because Jaxie just got her cast off? Brodie limped when he had a weird growth on his foot. Puppies are puppies! I'm so sorry that woman made you feel badly."

She's doing a bit better now, and boy what a learning experience. Not only am I convinced that having a puppy is not for us right now, but certainly not from one of those places. It's sad but true. Maybe when the Humane Society is open we'll go love on some dogs.

Besides the off kilter teaching experience it's been a good day. We are now relaxing before early dinner with Grandma but I had to share the crazy mania.  

I Send My Dad A Mother's Day Card Every Year...And Here's Why

I stopped hiding my insanely broken and messed up relationship with my mom a few years ago after I survived living with her for a year. If I had to say anything, and keep it simple about my relationship with her, I'd Facebook cliche it and stamp it, "it's complicated."

My mom wasn't much of a "mom." Mostly I call her by her given name and not "mom." When I was acting a fool when she lived with me, going through some of the most rough years of my life job-wise, marriage wise and in motherhood, the one moment I asked her to have my back, she said no. And that's when I stopped pretending that we were anything besides biologically related, and realized she was just my child's grandma. In turn, I think I've done better since.

My mom was never a comforting force. She was an erratic, hyper ball of fun and dysfunction. She bought me all the crap I wanted until one day, it all disappeared. She was gone for awhile when I was 12. She came back, things got ugly again and then she left until I was 16. By the time I turned 16 she had carved out a decent environment for me to join her in, and I wanted to try the whole having a mom thing again. It failed in exactly 365 days.

My dad had to be both parents a lot. He physically drove from Oregon to Florida to get me to take me back to Oregon to finish high school and live there. He was the parent that was ALWAYS there. So I send him a Mother's Day card every year.

I still acknowledge my mom, but mostly as a Grandma. If I truly laid out the honest horror of my childhood with her, not only would I ruin my ideas for a book, but I'm pretty sure she'd lose her mind and probably slip into dementia to avoid dealing with all the mental massacre. She side-talks and references the damage sarcastically. We've never had a face off; and never will.

When she was living with me at age 32, I reverted right back to exactly 16 years prior at  age 16 of acting out against her and even my husband because things were completely in disarray. Not my finest hour, or year if you will. My dad told me she used to call and email him complaining about me. What did my dad do in my time of turmoil? Pay my therapy bills like when I was 13, all over again.

My dad was the parent who rubbed my tummy and back when I was uncomfortable, held my hair back over the toilet when I was sick and puking with the flu. My dad was the one who made sure I ate three square meals and didn't inhale junk food. My dad was the parent buying Midol, tampons and pads when I needed them. My dad was the one who reached out to my aunt to help me when I needed my first bra. My dad was the one I cried with at movies and when my mom wasn't around.

My mom has admitted she was a mom until I was about 5 or 6 and then mentally checked out until her physical departure in my older years. I don't think I'd ever just blanket statement claim she was a "shit mom." I just think that she wasn't much of a mom in totality.

My mom and I have gone through good phases, but it wasn't until a decade ago that I had to be her rock bottom in more ways than one. After two years of healing and 3 years of growing up in life and in my marriage, when I became pregnant I had to level with myself, "Okay, so your mom wasn't great to you, but you don't get to take her away from your kid. It's up to her whether she wants to be a Grandmother to her grandchild, and as the child ages, up to her what relationship she has with her Grandma." This was a huge step for me.

My mom has been a good Grandma, so we mostly celebrate Mother's Day that way. But I send my dad a Mother's Day card every year. I call my dad on Mother's Day every year.

My dad was just more of a mom. My dad has been my rock, my sounding board and my reliable parent. He officiated my wedding, he was at the birth of my only child and never missed an important milestone in my life. The same just can't be said for my mom, and I've accepted that.

My dad taught me to sew. My dad helped me set up my first bank account and showed me how to write checks and use credit cards. My dad put me through college. My dad bought my wedding dress and helped me pick it out. My dad always encouraged me in times I needed therapy and was struggling. He's the best Mom and Dad ever and will always be celebrated.

As far as stuff with my mom, we just kind of float on. She drives me nuts but at least she's around. Sometimes I wish she wanted to be more of my mom, but as a mother myself, I can at least now see why it wasn't for her, and it makes me feel grateful I pushed past any genetic dispositions to point me in a direction otherwise.

The times I have been the most selfish in my marriage and my parenthood have mirrored much of my childhood, but I refuse to let that dictate the growth of my daughter. I will be her reliable parent like my dad was for me, no matter what. Her dad seems to be on the right track too so she'll be doubly strong!

My mom has the Grandma spoiling thing down. I hear her and my daughter fight just like she did with me. She often mistakenly calls my daughter by my name. And I'm glad she wants to be a good Grandma, because my daughter deserves that. With the upcoming holiday I wish everyone a great Mother's Day weekend, no matter what baggage you're carrying with you around it. 

I encourage everyone to be sensitive, maybe even overly so. This holiday is rough on many people for many, many reasons and needs to be respected and understood for it's complicated triggers. There are many different kinds of moms and this day is just about celebrating them in appreciation of all they do or have done. So enjoy the weekend, self care if and when you need to, and embrace it however you need. Maybe you have a step-mom you celebrate more, maybe you have mom friends you cherish or maybe you too send your dad a mother's day card! Maybe you have a legit mom that moms like a boss and will celebrate with you! Just have a happy, calm Mother's Day!