Tag Team Parenting

Parenting is so difficult. And so very...weird. You have to selflessly maintain this little version of yourself and if you have a partner in doing so, you have to operate as a team so this tiny terrorist doesn't divide and conquer. Parenting is also, completely life altering and amazing.

Since the dawn of time, okay wait, since my daughter's birth my husband and I have worked, lived and learned to operate in opposite land. From infancy on, he would sleep while I was awake breastfeeding. He worked while I stayed with kid. He worked days, I worked nights. This was a point of contention, although now in retrospect, was just a trigger, because people would seemingly pity us for no time together, but not realize that we quickly adapted to the way things needed to be to keep us afloat. It was not a perfect world, but it was what we knew.

There are times when teamwork in parenting kind of sucks. My daughter and I have always had our own routine, our own groove. As much as we love having hubby/daddy around sometimes he definitely throws us off. There are times when we have to be mama bear and that maternal instinct leaves dads in the dust, but we always know best!

There are some days that tag team parenting goes off without a hitch. You will have schedules, decisions, discussions and all operations will go as needed and then it's bedtime and you can rest with your success! Other days it feels like a bike with one busted training wheel just, off. It's constant checks and balances. 

As a hospitality manager, my husband works late mornings through to late nights. As an executive assistant I work an 8 to 5 situation in an office, but let's face it, I'm an on the clock mom non-stop. This isn't to say that as a parent my hubby isn't on the clock non-stop as a dad, but most kids run to mom first. I'm the one woken up with a bad nightmare or a fever or an accident in bed or being sick. Sometimes my husband isn't home yet for that stuff. I'm also the first one up and always make sure that she has everything done and things are in order before bedtime, to better start that early morning.

Last year my husband stepped up hugely and took on full morning duty with the kid. While I'm the last alarm, leaving for work as they just start to move around, he gets her ready, lunch packed, school supplies together, out the door and dropped off, every single school day. He's also emergency pick-up for when traffic messes with me getting her. In change, I'm the bedtime guru. The books, the dinners, the earning TV time, the baths, the laundry and the chores. This to me, is the ultimate tag team parenting. We each do our "shift" and our part.

Our routine is a constant reminder that everyone's routine is just so completely different and what works for each household, is not always meant for us. We've created our own thing. While mostly I appreciate the concern that we don't get enough date nights and family time, I never really enjoy the commentary: "Oh so you don't have much time together then? Oh just one day off? One night a week?" It's innocent enough but triggering at the same time.

It used to be such a point of contention that I got frustrated when people didn't take into consideration the full scope of how opposite our schedules were. Now I understand that most people can't grasp what that's even like because they don't come from the same reality. For me at least, that's easier to wrap my head around. 

I've seen all different kinds of households run in different ways, especially as a nanny. I once had a mom pay me my normal wage for the day to go hiking with her and the kids. I once worked for a mom that waited tables in the restaurant where my husband worked and her husband made glass pipes and bongs in their warehouse on their property and they rarely stocked their kitchen so I'd often bring us both lunches and snacks. 

From my nanny years I definitely learned about all the different kinds of families but you never know parenting until you step into it. It actually does take a village. However over this past year, it has shown me that no matter how uncomfortable or weird it is to tag team every aspect of parenting, it makes all the positive and productive difference in the world. 

You have to discuss sick day coverage and adjustments for kiddo and parents alike. You have to talk about sport schedules, birthday parties, plans and all the routines. You have to make money decisions and even anticipate bigger picture stuff. All the while we're teaching this little human to take their time, do one thing at a time, do this then that and so forth. Completely weird, right?

When I've heard the moms complain about the dads it always sounds like they work too much but aren't home enough. But then they are reminded that the guys are providing for the family so that's to be "expected." Well, yes and no. Expectations are yucky, regardless, but I really think the best and safest expectation is that you'll have to tag team all the parenting stuff, through the best of times, and especially the worst of times.

There will be phases where one parent is the heavy or one may be doing more than the other. There will be phases that feel lonely and unfair but the whole point is to raise the tiny humans, keep them alive, and not mess them up too much, and to do so TOGETHER. Together also doesn't just mean MOM and DAD. It could be two moms, two dads, a mom and uncle, a mom and grandma, a grandma and an aunt, a dad and an uncle. The point is you need to tag-team it and find that definition that works for you.

I think it takes a lot of patience but also attention to recognize how much support is needed to pull off this whole parenting gig. There are mom squads, play dates, family hang outs, church, sports, clubs and so on and so forth and all of it involves one form or another of tag team parenting. 

Even in separation, divorce, old family dynamics and new family dynamics it's all a team effort. So remember that every family, every situation is different and some are recruiting new teammates and some are already full of the players they need. Regardless, appreciate the village, the team and maybe one specific teammate you have by ya to wrangle these crazy children that we've been given the blessing of calling our own. 

Just A Wish

My husband and I have been wrestling with the ferocity of our six and a half year old daughter lately and one of her current things is saying, "I wish I could..." Then, of course, I say "No" in total mom fashion, and she always retorts with , "No mom, I just WISH it, I'm not asking for it to happen."

I give her props because she technically isn't asking but has conveniently crafted a way to still ask for something without asking somehow. It is both obnoxious and impressive all at once. We're in that, "Mom, mom, mom, mommy, mom, mom, mom!," phase of daily life. We're also in the arguing is a new form of breathing routine. This too shall pass.

I hate being the mom that stomps on wishes but she's at the age now where she needs a little reality. I can hear my father's words uttered out of my mouth on a regular basis to chilling degrees now. "You eat what has been prepared for, like it or not." "We don't need to waste water/electricity/resources." "Those things cost money and we don't have enough for x,y,z." Sometimes I love that she knows these will be the responses. Sometimes I wish I could be the mom that didn't care about stuff like that, but I try to raise her to understand being frugal, grateful and aware.

When she says the whole, "I just wish," stuff, I try to be more gentle with my resounding "no." She often says this about wishing she could sleep in our room or get around some rule. She's too big for that now and no one actually sleeps when this happens. She wishes for a girl dog, well, keep wishing; she already has a dog and most kids don't. She just wishes for lots of toys? Ask Santa and we'll see. She wishes for extra dessert? Keep wishing while you eat your veggies.

I definitely never want to squash her hopes. She can hope and wish as much as she wants; that's what childhood should give you, but finding that balance in disciplinary boundaries gets more intense as they get older. Getting kids to listen, that is rough too, as they also need to feel heard.

Don't get me wrong, she is hopeful, fun, happy and she cracks me up. She's the light in my life and the best thing I've ever done, but parenting has daily, if not hourly challenges from time to time. Last weekend was a rough lesson in being more rigorous in guarding her and not getting too caught in the peer pressures and wishes of others. I have to do what's best for her as her mom, no matter what anyone else thinks.

Like me, my daughter needs a lot of down time. She's an active, go-to kid and she plays hard. She needs to rest hard too. I personally wish she wasn't as sensitive to this stuff as I am, but she is my kid after all. I'll keep the wishing theme going strong here!

I think the hardest part about the wish phase right now is that, she's old enough for a little more reality but still young enough that I don't want her to lose her whimsy. Last night she asked me about kid-nappers and people coming to get her and I didn't sugar coat it. I said, "Sometimes people can do bad things, but we need to not talk to strangers and if you feel you're in danger, go find someone you know. Go tell someone and you'll be okay." I then told her that anyone who tried to hurt her I would kick in the face, which made her laugh and lightened the mood. 

I wish I didn't have to bring her into the harsh light of the day at times, I wish she could stay little, innocent and trusting, but we all have to grow up at some point. Unfortunately some do so sooner than others. At the end of the day, even if it ends up in an argument, I always thank her for telling me her wishes and feelings. Even if it's a subversive way to ask for something else, I tell her I like hearing from her and love when she talks to me. I wish she would do that forever.

For now I'll let her wish as much as she can because as Disney has so ingrained in us:

And now I wish you all a happy weekend!

My Kid And Her Attachment To Routines

My daughter is 6 and a half going on 16. She is a sassy, fierce force and I love her even when she drives me crazy. Not unlike her mother, my kid finds great comfort and stability in her routines and not only do I feel as though this is completely normal, but necessary.

My daughter recently kept saying she was "confused" by her schedule. She can read. She has a calendar and she marks off her days. She's very smart, extremely outspoken and completely sassy. She negotiates A LOT. There is never a simple story or explanation. She talks A LOT. I have to be careful not to cut her off and stifle her and sometimes there is a fine line between disciplining her for not following directions, and let her say her piece.

It came up in conversation that I announced out loud that she is "Just that kid that is very attached to her routines and can have a hard time deviating from them, even when she's having fun, unfortunately." I regret saying that "unfortunately" because it felt like an "I'm sorry" that was unnecessary, which I'm working on doing much less of.

She's an incredibly sweet soul and very passionate about whatever it is she wants to talk about it. Her zen place is in front of any movie or series she can get into. She has just learned to harness the power of chill, quite well in fact.

We keep her busy, but she very much needs to know a layout of her day the night before or the day she wakes up to get a picture of how things will go. She could tell you her weekly school routine to the hour. She can have fun but "going with the flow," is not her forte. 

I try not to tell her, "not to cry" about stuff but rather, "Okay, I'm sorry you're upset, but instead of getting so overwhelmed how about we fix the issue or ask for help?" Sometimes it comes out as "That's not the appropriate response," if I'm on a shorter fuse.

I'm a true mama bear and I think most of the people who know my daughter best realize that she just needs a little more patience and consideration at times. She definitely presses buttons with talking back. She tests her boundaries often, but sometimes when she says these crazy things, I just am so happy she's mine.

I had the sobering realization this week that when you don't know me well, and you don't know my daughter much, she can be tough to deal with, but I actually take this in stride. If you spend an hour with me, and have a real conversation with me, my daughter is a breeze and hilarious. If you're one of my best friends, my daughter is my mini-me and a total trip to be around filled with love and wonder. If you don't really know us though, you're kind of missing out.

She has a lot of traits of my husband, don't get me wrong, but personality-wise our similarities are something else. It was yesterday I realized that I am unapologetic in how I parent, and about who my daughter is, even when she's a handful. Why? Because every teacher, after care leader, care-giver and adult says she does well in the general population, so if she saves her worst behavior for me, and her bad days for me, I'll gladly accept because I'm her mother.

I don't think she's really a handful, but I think she is very reactionary to her surroundings and if things are off the beaten path, or new or difficult or very different, she can have an issue navigating them well. Guess what? Me too.

I've had to train myself to handle things better but she's 6, she hasn't the capacity to do that, yet. One day she'll get there and I'll be right by her side. Yesterday I just realized that, I didn't care if she had a bad day or as my favorite phrase goes, "she's done with life," she's allowed to be a kid with all the feels, temperaments and attitudes so we can learn from each other.

I'm sure there are some ways I'm a mean mom. Much to my horror, I now regurgitate, on a weekly basis minimum, the words of my father, "I don't care if you like it, you'll eat what's put in front of you." This has haunted me and I still do it. Unless I'm deathly allergic, I eat whatever is in front of me, no matter how gross or unwanted. I ate a lot of whole baby mushrooms coated in salt to get me through my study abroad in London because I was so grateful my host mom even cooked for me.

So, when we go to restaurants and she orders for herself, just because it's different than her idea, doesn't mean you don't eat it and you get to sit there and complain. I told her just the other night, "This is why we don't go out to eat." It's not worth the stress and dropping $10 on kid food I will inevitable take with me for lunch at work.

I also don't buy her a bunch of useless junk even if she wants it. The worst parent ever. I don't always say yes. Where am I lenient? Technology. I don't have the energy to go on some soapbox about rotting her brain. Rot on kid, especially if it's a calm escape for you, or it lets you physically rest your non-stop little body.

My kid can be attached to her routines. I LOVE my routines and I don't care how old you are, change is hard. Just because I can take out my stress at the gym or with System of a Down on a car ride home, and she needs to scream about her bath temperature and talk back, doesn't make her beyond some backwards definition of normal. We all have our ways. As her mom, I'm supposed to negotiate those ways and nurture them, and if you don't like it, you don't have to be around us. There's a sorry not sorry for you! 

 

Six Year Old Shopping Spree

I can give credit where credit is due and I will tell you my mother has kept me well dressed with only a few exceptions. I could have lived with slightly less Laura Ashley floral prints, no Mother Daughter matching bathing suits and way less obsessive matching capabilities but I was in fashion.

My daughter? She lives in hand me downs and I have zero shame. When they are little everyone wants to dress them. If you know lots of moms with boys, they love buying for girls. If you know ANYONE who likes to shop, they will dress your child. Therefore, you have very little to deal with in actuality.

Luna got all the cute outfits and I've rarely had to buy anything. As mentioned before I was lucky enough to receive countless hand me downs from a friend with three girls so I'm set until Luna moves out. My mother also buys her way too much stuff, so she wants for nothing.

But we don't really take her shopping. I don't buy her shirts for every occasion. I don't buy "outfits." She still receives these as gifts so I need not go out of my way or out of my budget. Kids will also never pick what you like. They naturally go opposite.

Tonight, however, is a special and first occasion for us to really splurge. It's Daddy Daughter Date Night hosted by our town's recreational activity center. The past two times she has gone I've been able to dig out a dress she liked but we went through her closet and nothing was "Princessy" enough. I heard "Go to Kohls! Hit Target." I was in more of a Wal-Mart state of mind as I didn't want to spend $50 on something she'd never wear again.

So after a crazy evening getting home, off to Wal-Mart we went. There is some Nickelodeon phenomenon type thing of a JoJo person these days? We don't have cable. I've never watched. Apparently she has big bows that are fashiony. There are cups and accessories with her name plastered all over and I just found out yesterday she has fashions.

Now I found a cheap cute sequin skirt but Luna wanted the JoJo dress with little unicorn and weird icons on them and glittery stuff in the tulle and of course the matching bow.
It was so funny too because I said "Let's go pick out a dress and how would you like to maybe get a new bow?" "And shoes," Luna said. "Shoes mom."

So she got the dress and a bow because we couldn't find any crowns or tiaras. I wasn't going to buy her one anyway. And we hit the shoe section. I'm thinking okay, dress shoes and sandals she could wear to church or for home dress up. Something practical. What does she go for? White patent leather Easter-type close-toed heels with a white bow on the strap.
I'm pretty sure I got the exact same ones when I was 9. She's got 3 years on me at this point.

"Okay," I shrugged. This was it. Let's go pay. She was so excited.

We got home and was like "I need to hang up my dress! I can't wait to show daddy my bow! Can I wear my shoes!? I want to try them without the rope on them!"

I removed tags and cut the shoes loose and she put them on immediately. Without hesitation. She clomped and stomped. She let me video tape them and take pictures. She wore them with her school clothes to eat dinner.

When I told her it was time to put on pajamas, the shoes came off, the pajamas went on, the shoes went BACK on. This morning she had to show daddy and she couldn't wait to wear them to the date night. 

I realized that we did so well on the whole exchange. She listened. She was reasonable. We didn't fight. There was no struggle, which was the opposite with my mom so I figure I'm doing pretty well! It was a successful evening. Tonight is the big night so I will definitely have many pictures. I like seeing her excited though. She lives with us in a frugal world of practicality. She deserves a little "Treat Yo Self!"

JoJo Dress: $16 
Jojo Bow: $5
First pair of heels: $14
Great shopping experience with mommy even though she left without a crown: Priceless!

A Hardware Store-y

My dad as built 3 houses in his life. I've lived in one. So needless to say, he knows how to make stuff. My favorite uncle is also an architect and has made some of the most amazing homes and buildings I've ever seen. 

I'm not here to say I'm handy. I have the tools but lack the verbiage, meaning I can see how I want something and how it can be done inside my head but have a hard time describing what I need to make it happen.

Because of this, my husband kind of assumes I have no idea what the hell I'm talking about. Until this visit with my dad, he did, at least. I was telling one of my friends about my dad's talents and building achievements and the response was "And you didn't get this gene?" I did, just without the support to get shit done, if you will.

This trip the hubby finally saw in action what I've been talking about. How we have these visions and abilities to use what we have and do things on smaller budgets and just make it happen. How a little extra hard work doesn't make it not worth doing. Which is why I now have a fully functional bathroom door, I'm down a chandelier I hated, and about to get stairs/shelves for the dog to get to the kiddo's new loft bed.

I've always loved going to the hardware store, something else my husband has poked fun at me about. To me the hardware store is endless potential, ultimate creativity and projects that make a house a home. Today I got to adventure with my dad for supplies for final projects. Tomorrow he shows hubby the ropes.

I live by two rules: either learn to do it yourself and do it yourself, or make enough money to hire a professional with said skill to do it for you. I have no problem learning to do and completing household tasks, so long as I'm met with patience and understanding, and I'm good at testing those boundaries. 

So here we go, learning from each other and all for the sake of what I think are common, run of the mill home projects. Because I always think there are ways to create what you want and need with what you have or within a budget. It doesn't always have to be pretty or cool, just functional.

Today I got to go to Lowe's with my dad and watch it all happen. I even helped him find something the store clerk couldn't. Why? Because I could envision what he was talking about but my dad didn't describe it all that well. That is how I irritate my husband; I'm the same.

So we got the supplies. we got what we needed. And tomorrow creations will come to life. Hitting the Hardware store was nostalgia at its finest. My dad build a deck and screened in porch, a sun room, a play house, a swing set, a move-able basketball court, and a cabin in the woods completely off the grid, run by solar, generator and with spring water, in my 33 years on this planet. Watching him create is a favorite.

I feel lucky my daughter gets to see it in our house too. She'll always remember that grandpa gave mommy her coveted bathroom door, that grandpa built her stair shelves and fixed the garage door, gutters and kitchen light. These are the memories that keep my hardware stories, my nostalgia and my creativity strong and are making this house evolve into a home. Now to enjoy Sunday!

Kids Clothes - Hand Me Downs Are Life

I remember over-buying clothes for when she was cute and chunky and I could get away with forcing her into little outfits. But now that she's older, my daughter lives in hand-me-downs. 

Kids stain and ruin everything but that is because they play hard in all of their clothes. I'm fortunate enough to have a friend with 3 older girls and we have been so blessed with hand me downs in general. I almost never buy anything new for my daughter. Also, my mom is a shop-aholic and she buys my daughter all the unnecessary things. Not kidding.

With all the clothes, hand me down and new alike, my daughter still somehow manages to only wear the same 4 or 5 articles of clothing. I used to try and arrange her drawers so she wouldn't wear out anything too specific. She now puts her laundry away though and rifles through there to find her favorites. Lost cause!

When people buy her new stuff, she wears it immediately and repeatedly, but lately I have to remind her to "wear the new." Her pants hilariously always have the butts of them rub off in pattern or worn down the most. All that time on the slide, climbing and being crazy.

I had an old friend who had a baby a couple years after me and I offered to give her a bunch of gently used things. Her response? "We just want new stuff, but thanks." To each their own, and everyone loves a baby shower but I was taken aback because baby stuff is expensive! Kids stuff is expensive.

My friend and I always gripe about how expensive kids shoes are. It's ridiculous because they don't even get longevity their feet grow so fast! So we pass down sneakers to her young daughter often because we both believe them to be an obnoxious expense. 

When friends by my daughter clothes, I feel so grateful. A cute shirt, a new dress, they go a long way! My mom still insists on her having Easter outfits and others just like to keep her trendy. 

I honestly don't even know how we'd afford to cloth my daughter without them haha. But I also like telling Luna, "Those are from so and so," "Those used to be so and so's." When she knows she seems to like them even more like she got something so cool that was effortlessly shared.

I try to make sure we pass on the blessings as well, whether it be to Salvation Army or to kids we know personally. Clothing can certainly withstand children and some families are desperately in need. One kid's slightly off color Disney shirt is another kiddo's fancy new Frozen fashion! Everyone deserves a chance at dressing up in whatever way possible.

I myself was blessed with work clothes hand me downs from friends because I rarely buy myself anything new or even have time to shop. My husband gets a lot of shoes and t-shirts from friends. I'm always just grateful. And any old shirts can always be a nightshirt because I live for PJs. 

Being fashionable and trendy costs a lot of money, so I just do what I can, for us all. This year we splurged on matching Christmas shirts, because they were on sale. As for my kiddo? Sometimes we get some My Little Pony and Trolls gear but most people like to send those as gifts. 

I am so grateful for hand me downs, willing to share and will never turn down a nice gesture such as shared fashions. Bring on the shoes, swim suits and cute tops! We are open for accepting such gifts and thankful that we know wonderful people willing to share! My living room is all hand me down furniture. It's like a way of life and I live to be frugal! Feel free to share your favorite hand me downs or how you 

Bills, Budget, Money, Oh My!

My mom asked if I was technically a millennial last night. I told her technically I may be an #eldermillennial. When I was young, even when things were at their worst, I never worried that we wouldn't have a roof over our heads or food on the table. I never saw my dad use credit cards, really and when divorce things happened in any part of my family I don't ever recall any complaints about money involved. Perhaps it was all on the down low.

Money stuff is hard. Let's just be real and admit that paying bills sucks as does adulting but financial stuff is hard. During one of my darkest years recently I had seen old friends doing well. They had new houses, new cars, golf carts, and great dates all posted on social media. I felt like I was always struggling and kept getting shut out of having even a chance to have those things. I was once confronted by someone as being "A hater" because I just said, "They have everything including what must be some serious credit card debt, which I could never do."

It was funny to me how that made me a "hater." I learned the hard way, really fast, and then even worse and slower like when you're afraid to remove a band-aid, just how bad all things related to credit and debt could be. And worse, I had nothing to show for it. I wasn't a shop-aholic. I had no new vehicles, we couldn't get a house loan, nothing. No memorable vacations or anything. It was all just...something for another post, or maybe my book.

Back to the point of the debt. My dad taught me how to use credit cards, and I know not everyone is so lucky. For me, real debt, more than something that can be easily caught up on in a month or two, makes me stressed, anxious and very defeated. It's often a point of contention.

I was raised not to discuss money things with other people and from that has come a lot of misunderstanding a grief. I should have asked for help in terms of advice and how to do things the most efficient ways. I've had to change my methods over and over. And this is what I know:

You'll always have "some" debt. It's inevitable. It's all about the debt to net worth ratio. My uncle once said this to me in jest, but when we were buying the house, it all became clear, if your debt outweighs what you can predictably bring in...you're doomed. I do everything in my power to "live within my means."

I'm a saver. And my husband is a spender. Sigh...imagine the controversy there. It has not been easy. I'm that person that the day the bill arrives: PAID, POOF, MONEY GONE! I want things taken care of immediately. No past due balances or skipped payments for me. I believe that after the bills are paid you can go out to play. You don't go out to eat when you have an electric bill you'll barely pay in full.

After adulting and doing all the math over and over and over. And obsessing over and over and over about everything, I'm pretty close to keeping us at break even and this is a big deal in my world. I do get upset from time to time when I have to scale back. I recently had to get rid of my gym membership which stinks, but I do enjoy having dental insurance. 

Financial struggles and life struggles are hard to share and I think I still keep stuff pretty private. A lot of my association with failure is aligned with money. Like clearly you're successful if you have all the things right? Not really.

I spent the last year just so done with all these unfair ideologies I pushed on myself for so long. I started to really focus on how to handle the disappointments and hurdles and just ask myself "What can be possibly done now? What can you hope to accomplish in the future?" I've really had to retool so much of my thinking and I feel better for it honestly.

I will tell you one funny misstep though: I had reached out for a financial mentor and it was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever encountered. After we moved our money into retirement funds and savings accounts and started really breaking down what we earn and where it goes, I just thought "We have to stop living paycheck to paycheck."

When I called and started breaking things down, not only did I feel stupid because I only had ballpark numbers of certain things, but I was made to feel pretty stupid too. Little things like opening our retirement accounts and "you couldn't have put that much in because XYZ..." Well we did, however it happened with our financial investor they did it. The next advice was to close all but one credit card, and we only had two. And the 2nd one I'd had since I was 18. Same account, which means I have a great history with them and I just thought..."that seems like really bad advice!"

The last advice, which was good but too much for me was "Write down exactly what you spend on every single thing and keep every receipt." This is where I get ridiculous. I have a serious hatred for receipts. I wish EVERYTHING was an e-receipt and we stopped using that horrible paper with that ink. I can be wasteful about stupid stuff but I HATE RECEIPTS. And I never keep them unless I MIGHT need to return something. Also, every purchase? Ever heard of internet banking? Aside from what exact groceries you buy, it's all there, on a credit OR debit card.

After the conversation I just felt kind of annoyed. I had taken control in financial chaos and busted my butt to get us on track and now I was to do more? And here's the thing, the steps we took were just so huge, that I wanted to enjoy the success, not add on more work. Also? We had just enough to get by. This didn't account for, large car repairs, raises in insurance, a raise in pay or other things. There's so damned much unknown. You literally cannot plan for everything. So why make myself crazy?

And that's when I gave myself a nice pep talk: "Look, you can do what you can and remind yourself that your family will never let you go without anything necessary in life if things get really bad, and stay tenacious, and not sweat the small stuff, or you can try all these things, sacrifice some more sanity and have it probably not work for you in a functional way. What will make you happy?"

I figured out my own way. That's what made me happy. Finding my own way to integrate the advice, and everything else to keep us on the correct path. I finally saw everything from all angles and I just wanted to keep up the good fight without messing with the delicate balance of what I'd begun.

I'm more grateful now I feel. I'm more, in tune with where I want to be and where I am. I still throw a tantrum if I have to be responsible and miss a concert or can't go buy new bras just because there's a sale. But I've seen a lot of great concerts. And there's always another sale and my current bras still function. There are also so many less fortunate and I really would like to be able to give back to them in a real way. I think that's a much better goal than new furniture.

These are all growing pains and I'm always open to ideas and advice. And most people have financial issues in some way or another. The American way feels like we're spending what we haven't made but I'd like to be the cheese that stands alone on that one. Much like everything else in life it's one day at a time. And it's a constant check and balance on we can do extra and what we can't.

But the bills, budgeting and money...sigh, oh my. They will always be a part of life. Find what works for you! 

My Parents Were Never As Nice To Me, As I Am To My Daughter...Or So We Tell Ourselves

Have you ever gotten one of those brilliant ideas based on a memory from your childhood that embodies a sense of nostalgia but also makes you so excited to share with your little one as well? In my experience, these often blow up in my face. But maybe that's just me.

I had a normal kid childhood. LOTS of playing outside, roller skating, riding bike, getting dirty, and plenty of swimming in the summer. Living with a little one in Florida has its hurdles but as soon as my little one was of age, I wanted to do all the things with her. The first lesson in outdoor fun was her getting bitten by weird creatures that left welts and discolored bruises or a rash. Now when we go visit Oregon and Pennsylvania, her favorite thing is being barefoot with no ant bites. And less humidity.

Swimming for me was a mess. I still can't swim well, but my daughter is a much better swimmer than I could ever be. I was the kid who got tossed into the deep end and could just barely dog paddle. At least we eased into it with my daughter. As someone with water issues, I was very receptive to any extra anxiety she could have. But she is like a little fish!

Now roller skating was the worst idea I've ever had. I think the first time we tried she was 4. Oh my gosh. They now have these ridiculous "trainers" which are like rolling walkers like old people use to help keep you up. I have a few things to say about this: When your skates get caught under them, you instantly trip and...my parents would have never paid for one of those things. In fact, I don't remember my parents "taking me" skating. I got dropped off and dragged around that rink with cousins or friends and if you fell? Too bad so sad, get up before you get rolled over! You just kept trying! Over and over!

For riding bicycle I remember my dad helping me a lot but my daughter and I just fight. She has legitimately fallen maybe once. The others were more like tip overs and she never even bled. I was the queen of falling off my bike. But if you stayed to cry, you got left behind. I push my daughter to just go! We fight and she'll relive those days in therapy I'm sure. Because I refuse to let her quit, or not learn how to ride a bike. I am determined to make sure we will ride together one day, no matter how much she whines.

As far as getting dirty, my kid is too much like me. I used to say I disliked getting dirty, but then I would spend a weekend with my little boy cousins and that would go right out the window. I always was outside making things with nature, picking plants, playing with and collecting rocks and having adventures. My daughter is the same. While other girls are playing make-up and nails, she is making rock islands and villages and all kinds of things with dirt and sticks and mud. And that's how it should me, in my humble opinion.

Don't get me wrong, she has a tablet. She is definitely a kid in the technological, smart phone world but these aren't things that keep us from being outside and certainly they don't keep us from play dates and other interactions. We keep all that stuff as low key as possible. I still believe kids need to be kids. 

In general, I have to say that I feel I'm way nicer to my daughter than my parents were to me. I don't remember being allowed to sneak into bed or do much more than use the bathroom in the middle of the night. I almost never got to pick what was on TV or what we watched. They took me to some movies and transported me to and from play dates but rarely stayed for the duration. And I was that weird kid that LOVED having a babysitter because my parents were lame. 

I know there are a lot of jokes about  parents and kids getting softer, being coddled and it was never like that "back in my day." There is some truth to it but mostly you figure out what works for you at the time that you're parenting. Sometimes I can be so calm and supportive and helpful to my little one. Other days I'm screaming at her because I asked 4 times already to put the damn shoes away! We all have our moments.

I like taking my daughter to do stuff. We had 3 epic years of Disney fun and memories. We have beach adventures and do crafting things, we go see movies, hit the zoo and aquarium, we do park play dates and get treats. Maybe my parents enjoyed some of those things too, or maybe they just suffered through for my enjoyment. You never know. 

I'm sure Luna will one day report I was not nice. I do speak fluent sarcasm, that's for sure, but I try and be "nicer" than the generation before me. I definitely have had moments where I've uttered the same things my parents did in my childhood that haunt me. Things about making extra messes when I clean and don't ruin my nice things. I then immediately feel bad and give them a treat because...I'm nicer to my daughter than my parents ever were to me!