Technological Kiddos

My daughter informed me last night in the bath tub that she will be asking for her own computer for Christmas. I JUST got MY own computer this year with my work bonus. Kids today. I'm telling you.

A few months ago she crawled into my bed, all up in arms about it being extremely unfair that her dad has a cell phone, that I have a cell phone and she doesn't get one. She is six and a half.

Technology is just a force to reckon with. She is learning now more than we learned from 4th grade on. We were playing Oregon Trail and always dying from dysentery.

 

I can't believe in my thirties I'm saying "Back in my day," on a regular basis. I thought you had to be retired to use that one!

My generation is one in a weird place. I dislike how much our children depend on technology and miss out on being outside and doing normal kid things, but I also get irritated when older generations don't even attempt to use technology.

We have one customer at my work who I have to read a report to every morning because he refuses to have a computer or smart phone. He then goes to the library and has a librarian print the report for him to review again later. It's a little ridiculous, but I'm as nice as I can be about it.

My dad still has a flip phone but does email well so I don't press on that one. My mom always wants a new Samsung phone but then doesn't use all of the things that a Samsung galaxy whatever is actually good for so I always have to talk her down to not spending money on things we won't actually use.

For my daughter, my husband did one of those "free tablet with new phone" things a few years ago when my phone straight broke, and we make it clear that if she destroys that tablet, there is no other tablet. She's pretty good about it. I also refuse to pay for all the games. It's not like it's a Nintendo.

She's super smart. She could figure out the PlayStation before my dad could at first try. She learns a lot on computers and fast. She has kid games she loves to play. I'm not that mom concerned with screen time. Sure, I don't want her constantly on screens but I'm not weird about how long she is on there because we now live in a time where if you don't get to do screen stuff, you're the odd one out and with rampant mental health issues in kids of all ages.

To me, their little psyches are what is worth the technology battles. When my daughter binges a show that makes her bratty or rude, that show goes away. If she plays a game and I find out there is unnecessary violence, I say no more game. For me, it is all about how she re-acts to all this technology. If she feels entitled to it, I stomp it fast. I am extremely open with her about appreciation, gratitude and knowing that she has privileges others do not.

There is a great deal I love about technology, and a great deal I'm not so into. The whole data-mining stuff can get obnoxious. You look up shoes and find 400 shoe ads in your Instagram feed. You text about tacos and find restaurant ads all over everything. I try not to take it too seriously.

As far as kiddos with technology, I loathe seeing children at a dinner table with a tablet while mom and dad eat. LOATHE IT. Now, I'm an eat in front of the TV mom. It was my dad and I'd bonding after my mom left, and my kid and I indulge both together and separately in this great American tradition, but when we go out to eat, we are talking and coloring and laughing and INTERACTING. If I'm paying to eat, the kid better actually eat.

We actually don't eat out often because of the whole technology wrestling match. It's quite unbearable, especially if you go out with other kids and their tablets. I let my daughter use my phone to text her dad, grandma or a favorite aunt but that's about it. I feel no need for her to "be on my phone," and don't have secret games on there to pacify her.

Mostly she uses the computer lab at school and camp and I like that because we do have an old desk top at home that she can also utilize. Alas, she still wants "her own" computer. I'm pretty sure I'll just give her her own login on my laptop and call it a day. Kids these days are something else and I can't even imagine what her children will contend with. Will they have their own phone at birth?

Technological discussions with other parents are delicate as well. We don't want to feel as though it's a slight against us that other people use technology differently than we see fit. There is always that one really "crunchy" "organic" parent that scares the shit out of you about kids developing horns and being a year behind in school because they played too much Minecraft or were allowed to watch Hulu.

I reinforce that every child, every household and every family is different so, what works for you is good for you and share with caution, because it can be a delicate conversation. I joked with my cousin's wife once about how she just needs to be okay with how much and what kind of "messing up her kid," they will do. We will all "mess up" our kids, you just have to be at peace with how you do it. My kid watches so much Netflix but also watches it all with subtitles so she can read and spell better than most. She's had a huge vocabulary since she started talking and now just doesn't stop. So I'm okay with a "vidiot," as my dad and I named it. I was a "vidiot" too and I'm not completely horrible.

Technology is kind of inevitable. You can reject it as much as you want but I for one look forward to paper-less billing and easily navigating random life things like arguing over whether or not that was that one actor or the other. Hello IMDB.com! It's all a blessing and a curse, I mean hell, I spend 9 hours a day on a computer or phone! That's a lot, but it is what it is and I doubt that will decline.

For now, I'm happy to keep my child away from having her own phone and will share my laptop. After all, she shares her tablet! 

The Bad NewsFeed

I've been super sensitive to social media causing me many waves of anxieties and have been sticking mostly with Instagram as of late. However, things have been slow lately and Facebook has been my "down time." This is never a good idea.

Yesterday, among the weird quotes and pictures, the people posting inappropriate jokes and political statements, I read a sad, sad update. To preface this, this news came from the wife of an old friend and she tagged him in it, which is the only way it came in our newsfeed. Before I leave the bad news in the blog, a little back story if you will.

I went to school with the same twenty kids from 3rd grade to sophomore year of high school. I wasn't in the popular clique, I wasn't in the "losers" group, I was just a weird middle. If you ask my best friend she'd say, I "got along with everyone." My mom was that mom who wanted me to hang out with certain people based on their parents. Like, "Oh they own that restaurant chain ya know? Her dad is that litigator. His dad runs his own business." Seldom did I get along with those kids based on stuff like that.

There was this one popular goofball boy and I always thought he was kind and hilarious, with a slight mean streak from time to time, but he seemed not to be bothered by me. In fact about 9 years ago he said, "Oh come on Ali, you'd be pretty hard not to remember." Mostly because I was loud. I have a lot of pictures of us in groups together.

My first introduction with him outside of being in my grade was kind of awkward. My mom had just spearheaded a grief group at Hospice of Lancaster County for children who had lost their parents to terminal illness. She desperately wanted this boy and his sister to attend. She pushed me to make it sound cool, as I was usually drug along to these things to make more friends. He came to one to play once and we did okay. He never really talked about his dad's death and to this day I'm still unsure of exactly how old he was or what happened, just that when I found him in 3rd grade, his dad had passed away prior.

We were never best friends, nor did we confide in each other or hang out often. He came to my birthday parties, Halloween parties, he did the act that followed me in the Talent Show, a skit from one of my favorite lame movies at the time, which I have somewhere on VHS. When we left St. Anne for Catholic High, 8th grade to High School that is, we were friends and he always said "hi" to me in the high school halls, cafeteria and at football games and dances.

When I left and moved, until Facebook came around we fell out of touch but when I sent that friend request, he accepted and it felt kind of cool ya know? Like we could keep tabs. We'd never been able to connect the few times we messaged each other when I was home to visit but I saw his family pictures and successes running a charity or non-profit type thing. I believe he named his son after his dad, and got married on his late father's birthday or something of that nature. I always admired him for growing into a good guy through that loss.

It was yesterday I saw an update that his wife posted with the completely heartbreaking news that their 3 month old daughter had passed away and everything just kind of went hazy for me. It was the saddest thing I've ever read. I was completely shaken.

This might seem weird, because we're not even that great of friends right? We haven't seen each other in like 18 years, and we don't even talk, so why am I so affected? Because I'm a mother, and because I'm a human.

There was a Parkland shooting survivor that killed herself this past week. We have friends that live in New Zealand and the shooting there has rocked the world. Then I read about this poor baby girl passing, which is just horrific. Is there really anything else to say about it?

Weeks ago at church they asked me to volunteer in the nursery and I declined, unsure of if my schedule would allow. Hours after I read that terrible Facebook announcement I got a reminder that I needed to watch the babies in the nursery tomorrow and I just about started to cry. I had successfully distracted myself but then it just all hit me at once.

Losing a parent when you're so young is just completely shattering, but you are forced to continue no matter how the growing pains. I don't know this from anything but proximity to such loss, rather than personal experience, so if I'm wrong, feel free to tell me. Now this poor guy and his wife have lost a child, and their son has lost his little sister. I honestly couldn't think of anything worse.

I'm not sure how she passed and I'm not sure I need to know. I'm not going to reach out and try to befriend him but I'm saying all my prayers for their family, without a doubt. This isn't an entry about sending them love and healing vibes or rallying emotional support. For me, this is about the profound occurrence of feeling something for someone somewhat removed from your life, because as a parent and human, you don't want to ignore the suffering.

I think of his wife just feeling so completely broken and blaming herself. I think of him losing 2 immediate family members in 34 short years on this planet. I think of his son missing his baby sister. They just posted family pictures a month ago. And I think about all of this happening around social media. Because if we didn't have that would I even know?

My best course of action is prayer and hoping that if they have some kind of donation in the baby's name I can participate. I won't send a condolences card or flowers. We don't really know each other anymore, but as a mother and and old friend I just feel like carrying some of this with me right now.

I know that sounds depressing and what a huge bummer of a post, right? But as a person who is healing and feeling a lot lately, I just wanted to be present in this reality for a bit. I know we can easily be removed from news of shootings, suicides and death in general right? Until it hits home? This hit a weird version of "home" for me.

So to my old friend, the one that made me laugh and stayed kind to me, just know you're in my prayers. You'll probably never read this, but if you ever happen upon it, my best wish is that someday when we meet again, the sadness and devastation will have lifted enough for me to make you laugh. I'll be over here hugging my daughter a little extra, and tomorrow's post will be lighter!!