Quotes, Notes And Being In The Same Boats

I am a self -proclaimed "quote hoarder." My attachment to Instagram is 90% quote and affirmation related. I have notebooks in storage just filled. Why? Quotes are a great pick me up. Ironically I'd heard a story about someone during world suicide awareness week and in reference to people's struggle with suicidal thoughts it was mentioned that maybe Social Media was a negative influence and when we are down we don't need to find the next inspirational quote but look to higher powers.

While I appreciate the sentiment, I'm the opposite. When I'm in the worst mood or head-space, I look to the perfect quote, perfect song lyric or perfect phrase to support where I am mentally and to give me a perspective on it. Notes come along the same lines in terms of, sending a note or positive affirmation when you're having a bad day might in turn shape someone else's day into something better.

As far as being in the same boat or boats for cutesy rhyming title reasons, I think that feeling as though you're not alone and adrift is kind of important. Yesterday was a Monday of a Monday. Not only did I "party" hard on Sunday with calories and all things meant for Saturdays in retrospect, but effectively reminded myself of my age, and that my body is slightly delicate. Yesterday I was just off my game. 

My entire household stayed up too late Sunday pretending it wouldn't matter. My daughter and I suffered the most and just ended the day fragile and in a funk. Yesterday instead of having a shorter attention span in my exhaustion, however, I was able to channel some soft maternal instincts and be a serious mother.

When I picked up my little one I could tell she was down a peg. She's not sick but her allergies are killing her. We have a regimen to combat it but when she started feeling better, we got lazy and she had a bit of a revisit from the snots and sinus stuff. Yesterday I said, "Okay let's forget the normal rules and get you to just chill."

We made some agreements on how the night would go. I let some of the rules slide and she did pretty well. When I got her to communicate properly her anxiety about being assigned "new jobs" in class tomorrow was part of the issue, but also just needed a good night's sleep and some medicine to help with her feeling a little off. I was able to keep my calm in my hangry, sleepy state.

Okay I lost it once when she tried to get sour cream and then Nutella on my sheets. EW! I said go clean up and keep your face off my linens! Kids are gross!

There was a weird sense of comfort knowing we were both in the same boat. She was anxious about school. I was anxious about life. I literally admitted to myself yesterday that I had extended myself out to people and was in over my head, like, I was not equipped to handle their drama.

Last night and today I have been saving and pinning and noting all the quotes. Some are silly. Some are inspirational, and some are ironic. I've posted in excess on Instagram because I'm sorting things out with all of my coping mechanisms. Sometimes I feel like in this age of technology my emotions and rationalizations are a vision board of all the feels. Anxiety makes me feel scattered and all over, but if I can collect my thoughts into one succinct sentence, maybe I can re-frame them into something pretty? Like a collage!? 

I also build scenarios for the reactions of others. I go over how conversations may or may not play out. Yes, it is exhausting being inside my head. This is why I work out. I physically tire out my body so my mind gets shut off as my body hits "sleep mode" at bed time. Ridiculous but true.

I feel comforted with quotes. I feel comfort with being in the same boat or boats with like-minded people. With the quotes, I feel it's a reminder that someone, somewhere felt that too, and now you have the words to put the feelings down on paper. With the boats I just feel like not being alone is always a good thing to remember, I mean the planet is packed. Alone alone would be quite an achievement, but finding commonality is crucial.

Sometimes when I see my daughter acting too much like me, it can be cringe-worthy but last night being in the same tired, whiny boat with her made me more compassionate and considerate, which I really held close to my heart. Being able to turn it out and "be a mom," is not something I do with confidence, so when it happens I kind of want to do a happy dance. Ironically yesterday I did find an awesome quote about how moms need to take care of themselves, how moms need self care because kiddos need them, so maybe that quote did the work necessary to carry me through.

As I'm rounding out all the ideas for this installment of the blog, I would want to leave this idea with my readers; we all have our own coping mechanisms for when we are going through mentally stressful times. We all have our own triggers, so what works for you, let work FOR you. Maybe all my posting will have people asking "What is she doing?" Maybe people will just think "She's probably sorting things out." Maybe people won't even notice. For now, for me, for this day and this time and this mentality that I'm operating within, the quotes, the notes and the being in same boats are all pushing me through process. Find what's yours and keep working!

Support Systems

Our couples therapist said in one of our first sessions that what happens between two people is one may send out receptors here and there in an effort to grab attention or convey what you need and the more those are ignored or not picked up on, the less the person sends them out. I think of this often, even with friendships.

Sunday we went to church and in the sermon there was mention to how Social Media contributes to depression and anxiety but also, we are so connected with technology, we have infinite resources at our finger tips, and we feel more isolated and alone than "back in the day."

All of this is crappy, right? It's about support systems. I have this habit of when I'm having an emotionally rough moment or anxious, depressive whim, I often will reach out to someone and not admit "hey I need someone right now," but instead maybe just send out a nice note. This happened this morning where I just wanted to wish a good month, good day, and remind someone, "You're awesome!"

I wouldn't even say I'm in a bad head space, but I've had so much thinking and "dealing" to do with life's various things that maybe I just wanted to instigate a check in? Ironically, and to my great amusement, that reach out has received no response although the recipient has recently viewed my Instagram story. This is life now.

I laugh at this because our support systems are systematically breaking down. I was watching an HBO dramatic series that I'm particularly into and there was a young girl who had an incident of abuse come up with her high school boyfriend but she insists he still loves her. She sent him over 300 text messages unanswered and she was mentally spinning out and declining. She called a girl buddy who was in the midst of retaining the attention of a boy and basically got blown off. The girl, upset, asked if her friend could blow off the situation because she "Really needed someone right now." Of course in this high school scenario, her friend chose the boy over her plea, but I thought to myself, damn, that poor girl is just sinking and has no one. What a shitty feeling, right?

I am that person who if I'm going to feel alone, I want to actually be alone. I don't like feeling alone next to people. I'd rather just be alone on a mountain top feeling my feelings. We don't always have access to mountains though.

First, I want to say that uttering the words "I need help," in any way shape or form is courageous and can be incredibly difficult for people. Second I want to tell you that most people don't say that exact phrase to attempt to convey that message. For me I've said "I'm having a rough day. I'm feeling really meh. I'm in a bad head space." Sometimes it's, "I'm hanging in there," or "I'm okay." 

When I say the hanging in and okay things, sometimes I'm waiting to figure out if I am really those things, or I need to dive into some stuff with someone a bit. I have two go to friends that I message immediately when I'm not feeling myself, both of whom live thousands of miles away. It's harder to reach out to someone closer sometimes.

Often I will have a feeling or be needing a little extra support and want to revisit a friendship that has dwindled because that's the stuff we used to talk about or whom I felt comfortable with in similar situations. Again I usually revert to sending out a nice, happy message and testing the waters but seeing if it warrants a response.

It can feel like your support system is dwindling or non-existent sometimes. I personally struggle with not wanting to be Angry Ali or a "Debbie Downer." Who wants to be around Captain Complain all the time. There is a fine line.

On my worst days I feel as though I give out so much support but receive only small amounts in reciprocation. On those bad days, I try to look harder, maybe dig a little deeper.

For a truly honest and revealing moment, I will say this. For this year of 2019 I've had to put myself lower than last at times and suck it up buttercup and be super supportive of the husband. There have been times where I have felt as though I had to do this kicking and screaming. I have felt more often than I'd like to admit that this support is a one way street and not reciprocated much, if at all. But then I remember he unloads the dishwasher so I don't have to. He takes my car in on his days off so I don't have to waste a Saturday at the dealership. He puts his laundry away without me nagging him.

There are all those amazing quotes and cliches about the little things being the big things. They are completely true. More often than not, it's not about NOT having a support system but reminding yourself on how your tribe offers you support. With some friends it's funny memes or Instagram story checks. With other's it's texting for an afternoon or a phone call. Maybe a girl friend buys me a coffee or takes me out to eat. It's all there, little and big, but requiring attention.

Things get foggy, especially when you're stressed or stuck in a Social Media rabbit hole. I had to level with my husband just last night and outright admit, LIFE IS HARD. It is! There is no way getting around it. You have to make what you can count and take everything as it comes.

With information at our finger tips, support systems are EVERYWHERE. I remind myself of this daily. It could be, a new book, a coloring book, a moment of retail therapy, some online Scrabble or Solitaire, a text to a family member or friend, an Instagram positive affirmation post, a meme! It could be a Pinterest board or researching a dream vacation. It could be finding a new therapist, finding a crafting class, and so on and so forth.

My hope is this, and I hope this for myself and all the people I love, but don't stop sending those receptors. Translate your "rough day" into "I need someone" and don't let up. I don't meant send 300 plus text messages to someone clearly ignoring you, I just mean, text the reliable friend or treat yourself to a new purse and keep those support systems intact! 

This planet is filled and feeling lonely when surround by people is the worst, in my personal opinion. Grab a support system and go. I know this can seem easier said than done, but I had a friend remind me of this recently and I post a lot about it on my Instagram. I've written other pieces pertaining to it as well. CHECK ON YOUR PEOPLE AND CHECK IN WITH YOURSELF. Like the 60's or 70's tune, "Reach Out!" If you're not being responded to by a few people and you're sinking, keep reaching out and revise your verbiage because "I'm having a bad day" and "I need your help" can have worlds of different connotations. 



This is my Wednesday Wisdom and I hope it reads well! 

Coloring Myself Calm And Collected

Long before adult coloring books, gel pens and artistic coloring, I was just the 14 year old with a Barbie coloring book and a box of Crayola crayons on an airplane. Someone once asked me if I wasn't a little too old to be doing such, but coloring, and especially when traveling on planes, kept me calm. To this day, coloring still keeps me calm. It doesn't matter what is happening around me. Coloring requires all my focus and attention and I can just breathe, concentrate and create.

Looking back, through times of strife and uncertainty, I used to paint canvases, make collages, make care packages or re-decorate things. I'm not so great at step by step "make it like this" crafts but anything purely imaginative or with room for alteration and mistakes artistically is very much for me. With coloring, sure you're supposed to stay in the lines, but there is still plenty of room for creativity.

When adult coloring books first became "a thing" they were expensive and so were the colored pencils or markers or gel pens to go with them. Now that they are more mainstream, we have more options. One of my oldest and best friends gave me many coloring books and my most current and favorite coloring book entitled, "Go F*ck Yourself, I'm Coloring." It is coloring swear words and phrases. It is awesome.

For what I've been going through lately, this is beyond perfection. I spent both nights this past weekend coloring in my bedroom with my pile of gel pens and a movie on in the background. Ideally, I would like to color whilst listening to amazing tunes, but I had to work with what I had available.

Coloring somehow shuts off my brain and I just get lost in the whimsy. You can pick anything you want, any picture, any color. When my office moved locations last year, I packed all my coloring supplies away and like most things in life, they got shuffled around and inadvertently left in a bin in the garage. I finally remembered this and dug them out Saturday. 

For a long time I used to color in my downtime at work but I had this nosy, over-the-shoulder lurker of a co-worker that made the swearing one impossible to indulge in and anything else so interesting to her that she had to know what I was up to. I really just wanted to color and answer the phones lady! Back off!

Now, I feel as though this will be a good at home evening activity. I've professed repeatedly just how difficult self care is for me. Coloring is one way for me to do that. It's practically therapy for me. I think I've taken pictures of most of my creations if you sift through Google photos and the bulk of them end up on my Instagram.

This past weekend I did a before, some progress, and then an after shot and it felt awesome. I actually got some cool responses from friends. The thing about coloring is, it's an insanely simplistic activity that I think just gets lost in growing up, but is totally creative and healthy. I've never felt badly after coloring, like "gee I should have started more laundry." I always feel a sense of accomplishment.

Not all people are artistic, so I get that, but the coloring therapy was a "lost art" for me, pun intended and I realized what a nice therapeutic value it had. I couldn't wait to just sit and color. I was so happy curled up and using all my gel pens. Instead of obsessing about running out, I was just so happy to create. 

My daughter loves to draw and create also. I have always encouraged her creativity for this because I think it really enhances your imagination and art is just kind of amazing. My grandma used to do watercolor painting. She used to set me up a little station near hers and we would paint together. This memory I hold closely for her.

My sisters are super creative also and we all seemed to love to detail and get inventive with things. I think that outlet is expressive and extremely healthy. Coloring gives me clarity and a good focus point for me when I'm anxious or feeling blah.

This weekend I wouldn't say that we did anything special and after my mental relapse the weekend prior I tried to be easy on myself so putting in the coloring as a priority made a pretty wonderful difference. I rested well, I felt more calm in general. My daughter thought it was cool that I was doodling, so to speak. It just made me happy.

The irony of the swearing coloring book is just that, making something pretty out of really inappropriate commentary and phrases, was just plain fun. I'm that person who thinks that getting upset about swearing, unless you are around small ears, is kind of a waste of time. Swearing is just a bunch of ridiculous words we give value to because they are so taboo. It's your first "rebellion" like when you're 7 and you say something smells like shit and you get in trouble. Swearing is a false sense of force and power, but sometimes I feels really good as some kind of anger management exercise. Who doesn't love to scream the "f word" when someone cuts them off?

So making the work "dickwad" all cool and colorful is hilarious and freeing! I definitely don't mean to offend but sorry, not sorry!

This weekend I took my mental health and my self care back. I colored myself calm and collected and felt more me again. As life stresses you out and makes you very frantic, something a simple as an hour coloring in a black and white image can be fantastic, in my personal experience. I've known men and women who color and love it. I also understand if it's not your thing. 

For me it was a good lesson and a good practice in paying attention to myself. It allowed me to relax a little and feel way better. Okay, the getting out of the house with adults helped too, I can't lie, but when I was feeling grateful for supportive interactions, the coloring kept that vibe going strong.

So my musing this Monday is that, getting colorful helped me get out of the grey muck and back into myself. Find what does that for you this week if you can and definitely report back! 

Don't Let Your Photos Fool Yourself

I haven been slowly getting back into my blogging groove and today was feeling it a bit more, when something funny happened. I don't have the TimeHop thingy but in Facebook the only thing I enjoy anymore is the "on this day" memories thing. Mostly it's cute dog and kid pictures, but sometimes there are good motivational things on there. 

Today something popped up and it is blog-worthy. This photo came up from 2 years ago of my good old boot camp days:

I looked at it nostalgically and then looked at it again and was like, oh I must have been doing Savage Races then or working out a lot, I look really skinny! And then I looked at the date. In August of 2017, mentally, physically, spiritually and in all walks of life I was completely miserable and very unhealthy. I remember having some things to look forward to but my health was horrible.

I even looked back into my google photos and every other picture of me, I look heavier, frumpy even because I was indulging in unhealthy habits like drinking too much, too often, not eating enough or eating junk at every chance, only working out 3 days a week and mentally I was completely falling apart, desperate to hold it together.

Ironically this morning I woke up excited to hit the gym. I was excited it was Wednesday with only a couple more work days to power through. I was having a great week. So to prove how deceiving a good picture can be I did a work bathroom selfie below:

Here's what two things I will bring up that are important. Some people might say, it's the same except I'm not in workout clothes. Let me tell you what I see in picture two, and remember that we are our own worst critics so some of this will be me, not being nice to myself and some of it may come across as way too narcissistic, just go with it for now.

In that first picture I'm forcing a 6AM smile, probably sucking it in. In today's picture I'm being the poster girl for Old Navy and rocking an outfit I LOVE. I have felt very thick lately but have also completely re-vamped my workout routine and schedule and am working hard on what matters to me. I don't hate my body today. I love my body today.

In that first pic, I hated my body. How do I know this? Because I was treating every part of it like garbage two years ago. I remember being so upset two years ago but putting on my happy face daily. Every day was "if I can get to x,y,z I'll be okay. I'd had a ridiculous summer of selfishness and mental anguish and was trying to snap out of it. 

Today, I realize how much my body has done for me. I'm so thankful for not being on thyroid meds even though I've been struggling with some of the health stuff that comes along with keeping it natural over here. I'm thankful that I take the stairs every day and that I'm strong enough to feel sore when I push my limits. I'm thankful for every curve. I'd rather be thick and living my life happy, than be 30 pounds lighter afraid to eat a cupcake.

It's so easy to let any and all pictures fool yourself. I don't care if it's jealousy of others or of past versions of yourself. It's easy to forget what was really happening at those times when we just see the smiling snapshot. 

While I love that Facebook and google keep these memories for us, I'm always met with mixed feelings as to what they mean. I can usually recall what vague posts were about. I can usually remember what was going on around a picture or status update. Some of them are fantastic memories. Some of them are not so much. 

Don't let the photos fool you into thinking that what you have now is necessarily bad. Maybe you are going through a dark patch. Maybe things for you are just shitty but I urge you to try and snap a selfie, even if it's not a smiley pretty one. You'll revisit it later and think "oh yeah, I'm glad I let myself feel and be real in that moment," I think. 

I'm glad I have pictures of me looking great and looking not so awesome, why? Because that's ME. I'm glad I have pictures OF ME BEING ME, whether I was in a good place or not because it's all part of the journey. Today I'm glad I wanted to small and show off my budget fashions. Today I'm glad that this post came pouring out of me and I feel triumphant and free. 

You'll look over thousands of photos but don't be fooled by them, be inspired. There was some silly rom-com I loved, I think it was called "Just Married," and there is a line in there I always liked about how, you never see pictures of the bad times, just the good but the bad times are what gets you the stories and memories you need between the photos. Keep that idea close on this Wednesday and remember that everything is temporary. It's just one day at a time!

Technological Kiddos

My daughter informed me last night in the bath tub that she will be asking for her own computer for Christmas. I JUST got MY own computer this year with my work bonus. Kids today. I'm telling you.

A few months ago she crawled into my bed, all up in arms about it being extremely unfair that her dad has a cell phone, that I have a cell phone and she doesn't get one. She is six and a half.

Technology is just a force to reckon with. She is learning now more than we learned from 4th grade on. We were playing Oregon Trail and always dying from dysentery.

 

I can't believe in my thirties I'm saying "Back in my day," on a regular basis. I thought you had to be retired to use that one!

My generation is one in a weird place. I dislike how much our children depend on technology and miss out on being outside and doing normal kid things, but I also get irritated when older generations don't even attempt to use technology.

We have one customer at my work who I have to read a report to every morning because he refuses to have a computer or smart phone. He then goes to the library and has a librarian print the report for him to review again later. It's a little ridiculous, but I'm as nice as I can be about it.

My dad still has a flip phone but does email well so I don't press on that one. My mom always wants a new Samsung phone but then doesn't use all of the things that a Samsung galaxy whatever is actually good for so I always have to talk her down to not spending money on things we won't actually use.

For my daughter, my husband did one of those "free tablet with new phone" things a few years ago when my phone straight broke, and we make it clear that if she destroys that tablet, there is no other tablet. She's pretty good about it. I also refuse to pay for all the games. It's not like it's a Nintendo.

She's super smart. She could figure out the PlayStation before my dad could at first try. She learns a lot on computers and fast. She has kid games she loves to play. I'm not that mom concerned with screen time. Sure, I don't want her constantly on screens but I'm not weird about how long she is on there because we now live in a time where if you don't get to do screen stuff, you're the odd one out and with rampant mental health issues in kids of all ages.

To me, their little psyches are what is worth the technology battles. When my daughter binges a show that makes her bratty or rude, that show goes away. If she plays a game and I find out there is unnecessary violence, I say no more game. For me, it is all about how she re-acts to all this technology. If she feels entitled to it, I stomp it fast. I am extremely open with her about appreciation, gratitude and knowing that she has privileges others do not.

There is a great deal I love about technology, and a great deal I'm not so into. The whole data-mining stuff can get obnoxious. You look up shoes and find 400 shoe ads in your Instagram feed. You text about tacos and find restaurant ads all over everything. I try not to take it too seriously.

As far as kiddos with technology, I loathe seeing children at a dinner table with a tablet while mom and dad eat. LOATHE IT. Now, I'm an eat in front of the TV mom. It was my dad and I'd bonding after my mom left, and my kid and I indulge both together and separately in this great American tradition, but when we go out to eat, we are talking and coloring and laughing and INTERACTING. If I'm paying to eat, the kid better actually eat.

We actually don't eat out often because of the whole technology wrestling match. It's quite unbearable, especially if you go out with other kids and their tablets. I let my daughter use my phone to text her dad, grandma or a favorite aunt but that's about it. I feel no need for her to "be on my phone," and don't have secret games on there to pacify her.

Mostly she uses the computer lab at school and camp and I like that because we do have an old desk top at home that she can also utilize. Alas, she still wants "her own" computer. I'm pretty sure I'll just give her her own login on my laptop and call it a day. Kids these days are something else and I can't even imagine what her children will contend with. Will they have their own phone at birth?

Technological discussions with other parents are delicate as well. We don't want to feel as though it's a slight against us that other people use technology differently than we see fit. There is always that one really "crunchy" "organic" parent that scares the shit out of you about kids developing horns and being a year behind in school because they played too much Minecraft or were allowed to watch Hulu.

I reinforce that every child, every household and every family is different so, what works for you is good for you and share with caution, because it can be a delicate conversation. I joked with my cousin's wife once about how she just needs to be okay with how much and what kind of "messing up her kid," they will do. We will all "mess up" our kids, you just have to be at peace with how you do it. My kid watches so much Netflix but also watches it all with subtitles so she can read and spell better than most. She's had a huge vocabulary since she started talking and now just doesn't stop. So I'm okay with a "vidiot," as my dad and I named it. I was a "vidiot" too and I'm not completely horrible.

Technology is kind of inevitable. You can reject it as much as you want but I for one look forward to paper-less billing and easily navigating random life things like arguing over whether or not that was that one actor or the other. Hello IMDB.com! It's all a blessing and a curse, I mean hell, I spend 9 hours a day on a computer or phone! That's a lot, but it is what it is and I doubt that will decline.

For now, I'm happy to keep my child away from having her own phone and will share my laptop. After all, she shares her tablet! 

Progress In Podcasting

So it was April 8th I decided to join the rest of the free world in the podcasting phenomenon. I would say that my top one is still, "How Did This Get Made," but more often I listen to Dax Shepard's ArmChair Expert. The reason for this came to me yesterday in an Instagram discussion yesterday.

Social Media definitely has it's pros and cons. As a Game of Throne fan, social media is a dangerous place to be for spoiler alerts. As an anxious human, the rabbit holes on social media, are the stuff of Alice In Wonderland down a long and windy shoot to the little door. I'm the one who always ends up crying until I'm minimized to the jar that floats me away.

Facebook and I have been like those roommates that went to separate new places and now are trying to figure out if they can stay amicable. I feel like after any Facebook interaction, outside of memories or quippy memes, I end up irritated. But my heart lies with Instagram forever.

Why Instagram? I love following celebrities. One of my favorites that I follow happens to be the wife of Dax Shepherd, Kristen Bell. From her personal stories of parenthood, marriage and parent fails to just how endearing she is, it's hard not to be entertained. But I also love how...inherently "regular" these celebrities can be.

I follow many celebrities and musicians and love seeing updates and teasers of their work, when they post family pictures, jokes, fan art things and stories of their lives. Jenna Fischer documents her obsession and struggle with making homemade bread from scratch. Tom Hanks posts random pictures of gloves, shoes and such lost in New York on sidewalks and streets. And it's their accounts so they are posting these things. What a cool way to feel connected and find commonality.

Besides that, I love that it's picture based. It could be a quote or just a snapshot of cute puppies, but pictures are nice. Much better than status updates that are complaining and bitter, in my humble opinion. The stories and videos are fantastic as well. Maybe I'm going through withdrawals.

In my podcasting time, I have felt that connection with celebrities though, and it's refreshing. Dax Shepard gets his guests to talk about any range of subjects from acting to marriage, parenting, embarrassing stories and their career journeys. It's very humbling to hear some of these stories.

I loved his interaction with his wife when she was on. Seth Green was another amazing guest. He had David Sedaris on, which made my heart happy. Other favorite guests of mine include Johnny Knoxville, Mila Kunis, Kathryn Hahn, and Mae Whitman, and I'm still catching up!

Part of the fun is following the ArmChair Expert Instagram feed, Dax Shepard's Instagram feed, and those of the interviewees that I like. Because then you get further insight and a view to their world.

I have a friend that is on Facebook, but not Instagram and I keep encouraging her to make the switch because, although I'm on a social media hiatus, I feel like I do worlds better just engaging with Instagram, than I ever did being engulfed into Facebook. It's very frustrating that you do miss out on certain parts of life when you keep these things out of your daily routine but Dax's podcast with Matthew Lilliard from last year brought up a statistic that if you spend two hours a day on social media, by the end of the year, you've spend a month of that year in your life on social media. That's a little jarring to me. WOW.

I can admit that I'm probably much, MUCH worse than that and I hate it. The time that I have without checking it every what, hour or so, or sometimes with more ridiculous frequency, is almost disturbing and I have noticed a more positive shift in my mood. Truly.

I've added ArmChair expert to my morning routine and I love it. I come into work and while I'm getting the morning started I just listen away and smile and laugh to the interactions. It's made a nice addition to the grind and I even got my husband to listen so we kind of trade notes on "Oh hey, you'd like this one because..."

So after almost two full weeks in podcasting, I've definitely made some good progress. While I'm still open to suggestions I've found a comfort zone in terms of my attention span and willingness to venture towards other ones of different genres. Tomorrow marks about a week of the hiatus in Instagram and I'm not sure of a return date. I really want to commit to some more mental situating before putting myself back in the mix.

We are at Friday eve, and I'm ready for the weekend ahead and good routines. There have been so many strange emotional hurdles lately that while I've embraced the wobbly feeling, I'm happy to be a little more sure of my footing this week. Self care has been instrumental, as in finding the right conversations with my tribe. Thanks for sticking with me!

That's Pinteresting!

Funny story; I have a mom friend and just about 3 years ago she says to me, "I found this new website called Pin-interest! It has so many ideas for the birthday party!" I said sweetly, "Pinterest. It's called Pinterest." Her enthusiasm was right on, even if the pronunciation was off.

All women know Pinterest. This is factual. Nine years ago I tried to get my husband on board and he instantly became pissed off because he could only see pictures of the food, but not recipes. Let's just say Pinterest has come a LONG way. My husband still is not a fan.

As part of my social media break you might think I would avoid Pinterest, but you would be so wrong. I can spend hours on there, mostly because I'm a quote hoarder. I LOVE movie quotes, music quotes, motivational quotes, and little sayings. I'm considering starting to use some as writing prompts for fictional pieces, but sometimes they just get in there and stick. 

While I've noticed my reader numbers are a bit lower (so thank you for those who have stuck with me) I've been enjoying my time away from Facebook and Instagram. I'm still unsure as to when I will reemerge, so I've definitely turned towards Pinterest.

I stopped filling my boards and pins with furniture, clothing, and "things" I'll never have, but mostly just collect all of these quotes. So today we'll walk through a little bit of what has been on my radar.

Part of my social media siesta is getting back to myself. I've disclosed bit by bit it's been a rough run. Sometimes I look in the mirror with judgment and anger, with disappointment and frustration, but without social media influencing my anxieties, I want to keep reminding myself, I've been through some crap but I'm still here.

It's a hard sell, some days, but a good affirmation. I can always visit my board if I need a visual reminder.

This one I've been meditating on A LOT. I've recently lost touch with someone I'd considered a great friend and support. Maybe I can't even say lost touch, but I have two messages unanswered and even a note via snail mail unrecognized, so I'm kinda assuming this is a ghosting type thing? I'm in "hope for the best, prepare for the worst mode." I've just been rationalizing that, I was super great as a friend and will never give up on them, but if they have timed out on that friendship, I just need to let it float on. My coping mechanism is just daily reminders and a lot of just wishing them well with good vibes in the universe because what else is there?

This is also part of the social media stuff. There is a double-edged sword feeling for me when it comes to being able to "check in" on people or be "checked in" on by others. My best friend called me out as "Stalker-y" because I got into that Instagram feature where you can see who viewed your story, almost like a different form of a "like."

I went through a weird phase where being "liked" in that way but not acknowledged in life was mental torture. Then I transformed my perspective into a kind of, this maybe is a person's way of "checking in on you," without having a conversation for x,y,z reasons. But I kind of hit my limit and just decided to breathe deeply and take a long walk towards some peace.

Staying low key is like a superpower. Also, side note, one of my few, but largest issues with Pinterest, is the spelling errors. Low key is two words people. Two.

This one is undeniably true right now; intensely so. I work so hard on cultivating my wants and needs and sometimes the universe saying no is inadvertently a yes in the end. Isn't that Pinteresting?!?

I could do this all day and post 1,000 memes with 5,000 reactions. For me, it is a great distraction and allows me to have necessary reflection points. Sometimes I find those words that I just needed to read in the perfect moment. Sometimes I revisit all the things I've "pinned" and a month ago I was feeling the same and saved something that I needed today. It's a weird kind of new age diary, in a way.

Pinterest also has secret boards where you don't have to share everything with anyone who "follows" you, which I like. I have all kinds of secret nerdy tattoo dreams saved on there and I love them.

Some of my boards are literally things that I know I'm not organized or talented enough for accomplishing well, but a girl can dream! I think that's the fun part, is the dreaming. I stay away from dream trip boards, only because for me personally, it could become a daunting or depressing thing later but some people take their boards very seriously.

I have a few friends I send random pins and memes to, but other than that the whole chatting thing is pretty minimal. I really could spend hours lost and pinning away, especially if I have an upcoming project.

It's so funny when you take a step back you realize how much time you've spent feeding into other sources instead of yourself. Sometimes it can feel almost horrifying, other times perhaps it's sobering. I'm still fresh into the game but I'm feeling more and more positive in confirming this is just what I needed. I definitely wish people were still checking the blog often but my sanity is more important than my advertising.

Please feel free to message or comment suggestions! I'm open to them all! Happy Tuesday readers!