An Unlikely Best Weekend

This past weekend was freedom after the plague, with no posts again. After an epic therapy session Friday, I realized that my self care game still needs some vast improvement, so if weekend posts become too daunting, why do it? I also just don't have the same easy tools at home as I do at the office. So this weekend inadvertently was the best thing ever, born out of all things unlikely.

The husband has been working 6 days a week. It's been more intense and anxiety-producing than I had imagined. I fashion myself a resilient thing, one to conquer all but I am human. Sometimes things are just crappy, but this too shall pass.

Friday came with a grocery run and grabbing the kid early then home to self care and watch some Hulu, while letting the kid veg out. Saturday was workout then horseback riding. The rest of Saturday was an unlikely success, and one that I'm weirdly proud of.

My daughter is constantly struggling with listening. I can handle a lot. My husband is touch and go with patience, especially with working so much. She was sassy from the Saturday start and I had started mentally compiling and cleaning and organization list for an afternoon at home. I had already planned an epic play date for her Sunday, and made it clear that Saturday was chill at home and get stuff done.

My original image for this was her watching movies and playing video games while I did all the things in the house. However, she had a very, very rough horseback riding lesson and lost her privileges, and that means NO technology - no TV, no tablet, no video games. This is a child's worst nightmare. We sat down to lunch and then I was ready to go. I made her go through and organize her stuff.

I decided also to reorganize my vinyl collection and rock some albums all day. I tortured my kid with my singing of Neil Diamond hits, the Beatles, Elton John, Joni Mitchell, Talking Heads, Dire Straits, and so on. When I was obnoxiously singing Neil Diamond, which I hadn't indulged in in a long time, I thought, this is the shit she will remember. She will be driving one day and hear a song and think, "God my mom used to sing this all the time." I knew this because I recently had those recurring moments and memories with my dad and my uncle Pete. Forever would I hold dear some random Sunday pilgrimage with my uncle where he ran into Wal-Mart to buy my cousins dress shoes for the fancy restaurant we would go to, and came out with a new Temptations CD and belted it out.

I made her read me the albums in organization and we talked about the artists. She helped me wipe things down and move stuff. She got really excited about making the house look nice with me, taking pride in little adjustments. She wanted to report them all to her dad later.

We took a bug hunt walk in between afternoon thunderstorms. We played in her doll house in small increments, in between projects. By 6PM she had done so much and apologized to me for her out-bursts so I let her watch Looney Tunes, also a weird kind of throwback thing, but she appreciated it. She was happy to watch and unwind.

I hadn't been that kind of productive in a long time and it felt so great. We weren't running all day doing whatever, we were cultivating home. There were no time constraints and schedules. There was no "stop and go." It was wonderful, actually.

On Sunday we had a lazy morning with the husband home a bit before running off to work, which was also fantastic. Then her little best friend came over and we did the mom chat thing and they just made messes and had fun. I was still able to reorganize and clean out drawers, finish laundry, change sheets and so on and so forth. It was completely rejuvenating.

I didn't feel like I missed out on anything or needed to go people. I didn't feel like I should go spend money or couldn't do what I wanted without spending unnecessary money. I was able to utilize what we had around and make it work. It felt empowering.

By the time I was done, so was my daughter. We both hid our productivity wall and needed to unwind. We didn't get as much family time with the husband as we would have liked but we did what we could with what we had. Last night we read some chapters together, allowing me to feel like a good mom. 

I realized how much down time I need and deserve, and how much better I do when adequately rested. I realized how well my daughter and I do when we have plans and projects, but also time to just be mom and daughter together. I realized I do really need to work on more concrete self care habits to calm my anxiety and stress levels. It was a good weekend of reflection as well.

Coming off of things being grateful, calm and rested feels long over-due, which is not to say I'm usually ungrateful, but I feel like when things are off their normal routines and you can find that happiness within a struggle, there is so much to be said for that. What a great way to kick off the holiday week!

I Like Being A Homebody

I've been trying to plan this whole mom's night out thing and the first scheduled evening I was ill, and the reschedule isn't producing great confirmations from others of interest but I kind of just chalk it up to the fact that, in the end, I like being a homebody on the weeknights and my motivation to get it together is lacking.

I'm in a pretty strict routine of 5AM wake ups and workouts Monday through Friday, and I'm actually about to add more to my workout plate, as opposed to my dinner plate. I'd love to see the Moms but I'm a Friday and Saturday night party person only. I've worked for so long to get my regular, normal person, run of the mill schedule, that I adhere pretty closely to it.

I don't know what it is, maybe because I finally have a home or a "real house" as my uncle once called it, but I'm perfectly fine folding laundry and being at home most nights. I'll be the first to admit I have plenty of room to just grow and improve routines, and there are some defaulting habits that I dislike, but by the time I get home I'm too tired to embrace the new and change it up! Regardless, I like being home.

I'm discovering more and more just how much time I need to reboot. I'm discovering how much time I need away from social things, but I also work well when I have things to look forward to. It's kind of a weird place to be and the balance for it is delicate.

There are some days and some ways, in which I just can't people anymore and I'm learning that is also very okay. I've wasted a lot of time being guilt-ed into doing things I didn't want to do, being pushed into corners I wasn't comfy in and made to feel bad in general for existing and I've worked so hard to get away from that.

Being a homebody has it's perks. I spend way less money than most people for sure, my house is pretty well kept up because I'm slightly obsessive about it staying clean. It gives my family a chill "safe space" and we utilize the relax factor pretty well. Home is our haven and I think we all have a bit of a sigh of relief once we get through that door.

I learned how to become nomadic by default, but this past decade I've really worked diligently to make any home that we had, a true home. Ironically my daughter has been asking a lot about various residences. She clearly remembers the house that we rented before we bought the one we have now. Every once in awhile she brings up when we'll move again. I always roll my eyes and say, "When you're 18."

The house we bought is it. We've been in it almost 3 years and it just recently started forming into home. We're still reorganizing and de-cluttering and making it ours. We have plans and goals to make it even more ours and I plan on staying as much homebody as I possibly can.

Maybe it is adulthood. Maybe it is age. I just don't feel the need to be out and about all the time. Our Saturdays are quite busy, but I like being around on Sunday to reboot, maybe catch a play date and do nothing. Having a place called home to hide, is amazing, because some are not so fortunate.

My daughter likes to pretend she isn't in love with her room and her house, but I can tell she's attached and loving it more and more. Although kids are far more resilient to change than we will ever be, she does love her space, her home and her routines, just like her mom.

I really don't think there's anything wrong with being a homebody. It certainly beats the bar hopping days and wasting money days. It beats the apartment neighbors and parking lot woes, the shared spaces and annoying faces from apartment complex living. I think being a homebody is proof I'm coming into my own and that's kind of an amazing space to be. 

On this Transformation Tuesday I'm open to changing things up, and I'm open to tweaking routines, but am equally happy in my current situation, and still embracing and getting used to that. And it feels pretty great, I must say.