An Unlikely Best Weekend

This past weekend was freedom after the plague, with no posts again. After an epic therapy session Friday, I realized that my self care game still needs some vast improvement, so if weekend posts become too daunting, why do it? I also just don't have the same easy tools at home as I do at the office. So this weekend inadvertently was the best thing ever, born out of all things unlikely.

The husband has been working 6 days a week. It's been more intense and anxiety-producing than I had imagined. I fashion myself a resilient thing, one to conquer all but I am human. Sometimes things are just crappy, but this too shall pass.

Friday came with a grocery run and grabbing the kid early then home to self care and watch some Hulu, while letting the kid veg out. Saturday was workout then horseback riding. The rest of Saturday was an unlikely success, and one that I'm weirdly proud of.

My daughter is constantly struggling with listening. I can handle a lot. My husband is touch and go with patience, especially with working so much. She was sassy from the Saturday start and I had started mentally compiling and cleaning and organization list for an afternoon at home. I had already planned an epic play date for her Sunday, and made it clear that Saturday was chill at home and get stuff done.

My original image for this was her watching movies and playing video games while I did all the things in the house. However, she had a very, very rough horseback riding lesson and lost her privileges, and that means NO technology - no TV, no tablet, no video games. This is a child's worst nightmare. We sat down to lunch and then I was ready to go. I made her go through and organize her stuff.

I decided also to reorganize my vinyl collection and rock some albums all day. I tortured my kid with my singing of Neil Diamond hits, the Beatles, Elton John, Joni Mitchell, Talking Heads, Dire Straits, and so on. When I was obnoxiously singing Neil Diamond, which I hadn't indulged in in a long time, I thought, this is the shit she will remember. She will be driving one day and hear a song and think, "God my mom used to sing this all the time." I knew this because I recently had those recurring moments and memories with my dad and my uncle Pete. Forever would I hold dear some random Sunday pilgrimage with my uncle where he ran into Wal-Mart to buy my cousins dress shoes for the fancy restaurant we would go to, and came out with a new Temptations CD and belted it out.

I made her read me the albums in organization and we talked about the artists. She helped me wipe things down and move stuff. She got really excited about making the house look nice with me, taking pride in little adjustments. She wanted to report them all to her dad later.

We took a bug hunt walk in between afternoon thunderstorms. We played in her doll house in small increments, in between projects. By 6PM she had done so much and apologized to me for her out-bursts so I let her watch Looney Tunes, also a weird kind of throwback thing, but she appreciated it. She was happy to watch and unwind.

I hadn't been that kind of productive in a long time and it felt so great. We weren't running all day doing whatever, we were cultivating home. There were no time constraints and schedules. There was no "stop and go." It was wonderful, actually.

On Sunday we had a lazy morning with the husband home a bit before running off to work, which was also fantastic. Then her little best friend came over and we did the mom chat thing and they just made messes and had fun. I was still able to reorganize and clean out drawers, finish laundry, change sheets and so on and so forth. It was completely rejuvenating.

I didn't feel like I missed out on anything or needed to go people. I didn't feel like I should go spend money or couldn't do what I wanted without spending unnecessary money. I was able to utilize what we had around and make it work. It felt empowering.

By the time I was done, so was my daughter. We both hid our productivity wall and needed to unwind. We didn't get as much family time with the husband as we would have liked but we did what we could with what we had. Last night we read some chapters together, allowing me to feel like a good mom. 

I realized how much down time I need and deserve, and how much better I do when adequately rested. I realized how well my daughter and I do when we have plans and projects, but also time to just be mom and daughter together. I realized I do really need to work on more concrete self care habits to calm my anxiety and stress levels. It was a good weekend of reflection as well.

Coming off of things being grateful, calm and rested feels long over-due, which is not to say I'm usually ungrateful, but I feel like when things are off their normal routines and you can find that happiness within a struggle, there is so much to be said for that. What a great way to kick off the holiday week!

Missed Posts, Big Little Lies Binge, Back To Me

Yesterday I missed a post and for no other reason than I felt like crap. Detoxing off the evil meds has been better but still taxing and yesterday kicked my butt. So here I am on a Saturday, writing it out and sharing all the things.

I totally just needed to sleep it all off yesterday. I slept like crap Thursday night and just needed to go ahead and sleep it all off. I was lucky enough to leave work early and rest and reboot and party with friends last night. I finally just accepted things. I have no one to impress. I'm not trying to win some beauty pageant so as long as I'm healthy, what else is there? I work out 5 or 6 days a week at 30 minutes a pop, and I don't eat a bunch of junk. If that doesn't work then maybe I'll just stay where I am. I'm still at a lesser weight than I was when I started.

Tomorrow is the Big Little Lies season 2 premiere and season one was a huge thing for me. Not only does it keep all my favorite actors in one series, but the stories of marriage, relationships and parenthood hit home hardcore. And after my disappointment with Game of Thrones, I need something great in my life.

Silly things today have made me feel like I'm back to me. Snuggling, quiet cups of coffee, doggie cuddles, fresh sheets, piles of laundry to handle, homemade salads for dinner, big bowls of popcorn, my daughter watching her shows and movies and being calm, and the rain. We needed the rain and I love the rain.

In a disappointing exchange with the nurse practitioner at my doctor's office, all of the side effects I experienced she "had never heard of that happening." Thanks for the vote of confidence. Well, they did and for now, we're going to stay unmedicated, and happy I might add. I didn't realize how not uncomfortable I was, until that nasty medicine took it's toll on my body.

I'm sorry I missed a post but get ready next weekend because this writer is completely off. That's right I'm taking 48 hours of no posting to spend some much needed time with the husband. For tonight, I'm being lazy with my perfect kiddo and just enjoying that I feel almost completely back to me. Happy weekend readers!