Trigger-y Things, Illnesses And No More Apologies

I found this the other day after church, right before everything went upside down, and it still rings true. Now we can go back to how the story of my unravelling weekend.

You may have noticed I seemingly dropped off the face of the earth. Being sick can do that to you. So I'll tell you about my last 4 days and we'll go from there.

Saturday was poised to be an epic day. We had horseback riding lessons and then a birthday party 5 minutes from our home with some of our most favorite people for a fantastic day. It was lightly overcast and they had a pool. We were in! 

Saturday was kind of a perfect day, honestly. We were in great company. I was comfortable and relaxed. I loved the vibe and the tribe and was truly having fun. My daughter took awhile to kind of get in and get comfy but once she did, she wouldn't budge. We were there all day for a total of 8 hours of fun. I tried to leave earlier, and it didn't work, because we were just having too much of a great time.

We got home and crashed wonderfully and hard, with Sunday plans on the horizon as well. Normally after that kind of Saturday I would have insisted that we stay home and recuperate, but I was already having early coffee with a friend and I felt like I had to make an appearance at church.

Read that last sentence again. The weight of "get yourself to church," was so intense lately. Admittedly it was about 90% self-imposed, but church life had been a struggle. With my husband working 6 days a week, and now Sunday being one of them, church just hadn't factored in. With my personal struggles and refocus on my family life, church just wasn't a priority. But this Sunday, I put my best foot forward and said, "Okay, let's go." 

I walked in and got the guilt immediately and just tried to power through. The sermon, however, was super trigger-y for me from the previous week. I had recently acknowledged my recent weight gain and discomfort and had gone insanely full blast into double work outs, closely watching what I ate, and making sure I was mindful about everything. The sermon was pretty much about what you put into your body affecting your spiritual life. I had a hard time with a lot of it because for me it was far more complicated than that.

I got the gist, I totally understood all of it, but it's all so much easier said than done, and also didn't have time for the consideration of mental health issues, and addiction issues, in my humble opinion. I come from a place of mental health struggles, food struggles, and a family rooted in addiction and these things are more complicated and all a learning experience. When I found out about my thyroid issues I did all of the recommendations for diet changes only to gain weight and feel worse. Part of my depression therapy was keeping myself on a healthy balance of sleep, exercise and food and finding ways to find joy in them all. I married a chef! Food is life! So having it all tie into spiritual wellness was outside of the box enough to just trigger weird things within me.

So, while the message was positive in intent, and a great discussion it was trigger city for this girl. Why? Because I struggle to balance it all. I'm supposed to take care of and support my family, my daughter, my husband, and my dog, all while making time to work out, stay fit, and be a model for my kid, and keep us all on track for everything in moderation and it's exhausting. Look, from time to time, I want the damned Cheetos, but you learn the balance and moderation, and I follow this with spirituality too. 

Maybe it was a trigger because I had brownies at the party, covered in icing and it was the first day all week I didn't obsess over food, only to walk in and feel kind of mentally ambushed. Maybe it was a trigger because food is a serious weakness for me. That day I didn't eat anything until about 2PM. 

We had snuck in an impromptu play date on Sunday at 3PM and I honestly tried to keep the kid eating and happy but wasn't as food-attentive as I usually am. I managed a quick grocery shop in between things too. We'd had almost no down time. By 6PM we were all feeling tired and done when my daughter found her own way to end the play date, by puking on our floor.

I'm not the mom that freaks out about this. I'm the mom that calmly cleans it up, snuggles the kid and makes sure she is comfy. Thus began our long night.

She didn't stop the every-so-often evacuation of her system until about 10PM and by 9PM I had resigned to the fact I'd be calling out Monday and snuggled her in with me, kicking out my husband to the guest room, which he gladly took over. But, at 11PM something came for me by way of stomach cramps and discomfort. Mine was seemingly less than my daughter had suffered. What did we catch? Not a single fever. Both normal temperature-d as ever. We returned to sleep until about 7 the next morning.

Monday morning my kid was ready to eat. Mommy had a slight headache. We had some toast and crackers. Things were mostly okay. When my daughter was bouncing into full recovery that's when her exact progression from the night before hit me, hard and I had to call in my husband for back-up. It was discovered we had intensive heat exhaustion and dehydration. Tuesday was "learn how to eat again" and recover day. Today is my first day back to life.

I kept thinking in the throws of pain and suffering that we shouldn't have gone to church. It was laughable irony, all that ungodly food being forced from our bodies. It was not as though that had cursed us or worked against us or was somehow bad, but just that I should have guarded us better for rest. And then I found the list above. "I don't need to do what everyone wants me to do." Just because church was a good thing awhile ago, doesn't mean I should force it now, especially if it is just too much in every way.

"I don't have to anticipate everyone's needs." It's my job to anticipate the needs of my daughter, my husband, my dog and myself. That's it. Everyone else can chill out, please and thank you. Sometimes I'm a tired mama. "I don't need anyone to approve of me." Okay we ALL struggle with this one. We all want people to like and approve of us, it's completely human. This one is a work in progress. I certainly don't want to be the red-headed heathen.

"I don't have to explain myself." This one I need tattooed on my forehead because I really don't. Sorry, not sorry. No more apologies! "I don't need to feel guilty about my boundaries." No I don't, if I just need some time, I just need some time. "I don't have to say yes if I want to say no." I need to repeat this daily because I get cornered into stuff I don't want to do, TOO OFTEN. Again, sorry not sorry.

"I don't need to feel bad for staying home." Yeah I'm not doing that anymore. My home is my haven and you can find me there, and I will no longer feel bad about choosing my safe space over anything stressful. "I don't have to over-extend myself to be enough." Oh man do I wrestle with that one too! One day at a time right?

"I don't need to feel the way someone else feels." This one was Sunday in a nutshell. I liked the spirit of the message, I just won't pretend I feel exactly the same about things and I won't pretend it didn't trigger me. "I don't have to minimize my emotions." No I do not. I can feel what I want, and so can you! 

"I don't need to pretend I'm different than I am." THIS ONE! I'm a full time working mother of an amazing child, wife to a chef who are both working so hard on their marriage, and I'm the daughter of addiction, divorce and dysfunction trying to find my way. I'm not pretending to be anyone but her. 

"I don't have to put others before myself." My kid, my husband and my dog, in that order, are the only people I might "have to" put before me, but really that is just motherhood and marriage. Regardless, the rest of the world I don't need to keep putting before me and I think I need to read and write that repeatedly.

This weekend and the two sick days put an obscene amount of things into perspective for me and I'm carrying them close beside me. I was reminded that working hard, playing hard and resting harder are way more important than over-booking and should-ing all over myself on a regular basis. I realized how far my husband my husband and I have come, just in the last few months on being there for each other. I realized how much of a mom I am, for better or for worse and I should never let my guard down when it comes to momming right, if you will.

But mostly I realized I'm too old for all the guilt, drama, and putting extra stress on myself for no reason. Life can give you enough trouble as it is, I definitely don't need to make my own. For the rest of this week, I'll blog when I can. I'll do what I can, and I'll feel grateful for where I am on the journey. I have a feeling the posts might even get better as I find my footing again. Thanks for sticking with me!

Ask And Ye Shall Receive...The Most Out Of Shape Person Who Works Out There Ever Was

It's been almost exactly 3 months since boot camp ended; 3 months. I miss it, I do but I don't miss running. At my latest obsession, 9 Rounds Kickboxing Fitness, you don't have to run. It is my single favorite thing about the new gym. No running.

I haven't hidden my recent weight and self esteem struggle at all. I think it popped up in May and at every nagging voice about my weight, I'd shove something down it's metaphorical throat to shut it up. I went through clothes in May and some shorts were a little bit tighter than last summer. I gave them away because "they weren't sparking joy." I justified. I was trying so hard to stay positive but it was killing me.

No diet change, I'm working out 5 to 6 times a week at 9 Rounds, sometimes even a double workout day one of those days, how could I have gained weight? Then I caved and did the thyroid. Maybe it was worse than I thought right? Boy did I pay for being wrong on that one!

It wasn't until my blissful, yet bloated weekend with my husband that I finally realized, okay something is just off. I had a glimmer of hope with some summer spin class time, but then I started obsessing about it mentally. 

I thought, "Okay you've only lost weight since the baby, when you're doing double work outs, so, maybe that is just what your body is demanding of you. You can do that." But then I realized, I have very limited time to do extra anymore. Perhaps I could bribe my child to sit idly at 9 Rounds in the evenings, but she needed her chill time, hell, so did I so that doesn't seem fair.

Then I asked my husband to clean the garage after taking to Pinterest and pinning all those workouts I'll never ever do but are a click away if I need them! I told my husband we needed a mock work out space near the heavy bag so we have less excuses. He actually cleared space yesterday.

But I also realized something and it was like a light-bulb going off in my frenzied mind; the apartment complex adjoining our office suite has a fitness center and I bet we have access to it, because we're all in one big ass space. I'm actually quite good friends with the building manager, I should at least ASK.

Of course that afternoon she took much longer than usual to reply but she said, yes, it is very much available for me to use and directed me to it. I ran right up there, low to no expectations to check it out. It was perfect! Two treadmills, an elliptical and a bike, some weights...and not a soul was in there...this was it!

So I plotted and planned and I decided that since I eat my lunch at my desk anyway, I will be using that room daily and just changing in and out and de-sweating a bit, and 30 minutes of a treadmill run or bike ride will make all the difference. Today was my first day, and MY GOODNESS!

I am officially the most out of shape person who works out 6 days a week that there ever was. How could this be? Let me tell you...BECAUSE I STOPPED JOGGING! It made me so mad. I got on that treadmill and felt like I hadn't run in a year. I said, okay, maybe not at the speed I was 6 months ago. Then everything started to hurt, and I only made it 10 minutes. I caved, I walked the treadmill then hopped over to the elliptical.

It was then that it dawned on me; my body was so used to such large levels of cardio that the kickboxing just wasn't enough. This is discouraging for a million reasons but I'll just list my top five. 1) I feel more intensely like I'm burning more in kickboxing than I had a boot camp. 2) I don't actually "enjoy" running. 3) I practice mindful eating habits, in that I do my best to do everything in moderation. 4) I drink less than half of what I did 2 years ago so this feels very unfair. 5) I'm working out 6 days a week at 30 minutes a pop, I really shouldn't be getting thicker!

Everyone said I was nuts, "Oh you look fine." I got on that My Fitness Pal and did a one day food log and my normal day to day was not only less than 2,000 daily calories, but less than 1,500 unless I splurged, which technically still leaves me 500 left AND I work out! What the hell man! It was becoming so daunting and mentally oppressive.

I had a friend starting Keto and a new workout thing and I have my own personal reservations and issues with Keto, well and all diets really but I just know it's not for me. I've seen people thrive on Keto, so more power to them, you have my full support but it is not for me.

When I got on that treadmill today, it all became clear. I need more hardcore cardio, whether I like it or not. Instead of getting all annoyed, I actually just embraced it. I had a cute little free fitness studio to myself. A secret lunch getaway for me to spend an hour the best way I can, and still have an evening to be a mom. I couldn't ask for more!

The sweaty work return thing, I know sounds less than desirable but here's the thing, there is a seriously creepy guy at work, and the more revolting I am, this can only help keep him on the other side of the office. Also, I don't share an immediate space that would have any B.O. I so possess, being so offensive that I would literally have hygiene complaints although I will report back if I'm stinkier than I think.

I love 9 Rounds and definitely won't give up on that any time soon, but I definitely feel lucky I have this opportunity to actually get me back into shape AND that I got the validation that I needed because I was starting to feel insane. I have no problem working out extra to combat the thyroid drama and my crappy metabolism. I have a huge problem working out a normal amount and gaining for no good reason. If I'm going to gain weight, I better be living the high life with Champagne, steak and all the cheese and bread I can stand! 

I'm always ready for new challenges and I think this will be my best one yet. Of course I'm sure you'll read all about it. Happy Wednesday readers!

Learning Self Love, Navigating Awkward Moments and Accepting What You Can, Letting Go Of What You Can't

Self love is not for the weak. I realized, and especially when my body was fighting that medicine, that I wasn't being very nice to myself. You see, I got frustrated with my body and it's curves and it's stage in life, and I thought, well maybe this pill can help. My body responding with a long, resounding "NO WAY."

Self love is all about patience. We are flawed, messed up people. We all have our brokenness. I think we all have great days of self love, and wobbly days. We just can't ignore it or digress into the darkness. You gotta remember that you and this body you have are it, you gotta work together, and that's not always easy.

Weight gain sucks. Losing weight is hard. Although I have no beauty pageants to win and no one to impress, I definitely just want to look healthy and I don't mean that as skinny. I've always been curvy and "thicker" as my mother has so ingrained in me, but with pregnancy, motherhood and definitely now age, I'm learning to embrace it more, and attack it less.

The thyroid thing was a rough awakening. I realized that I'm at my most fit and technically healthy when I'm working out twice a day and mixing cardio and weights. TWICE A DAY. That's kind of a lot. And in general I don't eat that much! I don't watch it too much because I'm smart enough to know I will get dangerously obsessive. I know myself well enough to know what works. 

This morning my body felt stiff and tired and I still have more workouts planned this week, but I let myself rest. This is hard for me, but completely okay. My anxiety kicked in like "Oh maybe I should have sucked it up and gone. Maybe I can go later tonight!" One day off is fine! I remind myself pretty consistently that I need to be kinder to myself.

It can get really awkward navigating all of this because there are times when I'm put in a position I don't know how to respond to well or kindly, and I don't want to just come across as the bitch. I had a friend tell me yesterday that you can't send along an annoyed tone via text. I disagree but apparently it is maintained that's factual. 

Recently I've been asked repeatedly to do something I've said, face to face, via text and explained in more ways than one, that I am not into doing right now. It's honestly made me so frustrated I just have avoided everyone involved in the event, so I don't have to be made to feel badly about saying no. The thing is, it's super awkward because being not helpful in this situation looks bad on the outside, but inside, I'm really self-preserving and not being bullied --in a way-- into doing something that is mentally taxing on myself.

This is where I have to accept what I can from people, and just let go of what I can't really accept or understand. I struggle a lot with societal norms, etiquette, politeness, gratitude and appreciation, especially between family members. My husband and I have worked on this a lot because I feel like it's super important to be thanked and feel appreciated for the little things like, "Hey thanks for unloading the dishwasher before you went to work."

When these things go unappreciated they can fester and for me it triggers some politeness and gratefulness issues. This comes into play more and more in my life. When someone travels to see people, I feel like the gratefulness for that or appreciation for that is reflected in being taken out to eat, or being able to stay somewhere for free, or taking someone to do something nice. In turn, the words thank you should be flying about everywhere. "Thank you for making the trip" and "thanks for letting me crash here," and so on and so forth. For me, when these things are broken, it is unnerving.

I recently had to take a huge step back, and a huge breath and say to myself, "Okay not everyone will do what you think they should. Not everyone will react the way you think is appropriate. Everyone operates on a different wavelength and you just have to let it go."

You see I will always want the best for and of everyone. When I see someone succeed I want them to be celebrated properly. When someone is hurting and struggling, I want them to have no question that I have their back and can help if needed. But sadly, we live in a world where this isn't the norm anymore, and people won't just wake up and treat you as you'd like to be treated. Many people these days lack that capacity.

I feel like this is just all intertwined. All of it. I can love others better when I love myself. I can be more at peace when I love myself. I can navigate awkward moments better when I'm open to accepting things as they are, and letting go of frustrating incidents. Life is anything but easy but I've finally gotten it through my stubborn skull that my reaction to the hard parts, is half the battle. This is a battle I intend to win! 

Coffee Is My Friend

Last night I was doing what I do best, watching Friends, and I realized that I grew up watching a show completely immersed in coffee culture. My dad always drank coffee, and then I came into adulthood in the Pacific Northwest, where Starbucks was for people who liked coffee flavored like hot chocolate, Dunkin Donuts had gone extinct and the craft coffee places ruled all. It's no wonder I'm a coffee snob, and if anything messes with my caffeinated state, I want to harm people.

Don't get me wrong, I'm Starbucks' target audience for the Pumpkin Spice Latte, the frappaccino on a hot day, and perfect White Chocolate Mocha any old day. I try to try their new stuff but always end up disappointed and $10 doesn't even buy you two coffees anymore. I'm lucky that in our town we have a local Costa-Rican grown coffee shop with their own beans, flavor extracts and amazing people so I spent my fortune there.

Dunkin Donuts is NOT coffee. It's coffee water. It's watered down flavor with crappy coffee. McDonalds coffee is NOT coffee. Shall I continue? Yes, I am a coffee snob. If you are a Starbucks aficionado, good for you. If you go to Dunkin Donuts for something other than Donuts, good for you. If you love a McCafe Frappe, good for you. Not for me, no thanks, with the exception of a quick Starbucks visit for PSL season.

When my horrible thyroid medicine was making me ill, it ruined my coffee to the point where I had to sugar it up and make it easier on my body. I once worked with someone who summed up my coffee order perfectly, a male who once joked, "I like my coffee like I like my men, black and on the run." While completely inappropriate and not true about the men part, I drink BLACK coffee. Just plain. 

My husband likes to think I got too lazy to put stuff into it. The truth of it is this, after pregnancy and with a new baby, when I finally wanted coffee, putting all the creamer and stuff was not only a waste of calories, but would just make it cool down to fast. I could sip it slowly and savor every bit of brewed optimism I could get.  The whole point became that coffee was my morning luxury and the very point of quiet and calm to wake me up and remind me I could do it. Fluffing it up with extra crap does nothing but keep you bloated and get in the way of the caffeine.

If you ever want to convey to me that I'm important, you buy me coffee. To me, this is the ultimate gift. When we go to Oregon to visit and my brother in law makes my first cup, and he makes the best coffee in all the land by the way, that's when I know I'm home.

At our local coffee spot I add their natural flavor but no cream. They make natural extracts like, Lavender Vanilla, Marshmallow, White Chocolate, Violet and seasonal ones as well. I love them. To me that's worth the money and the calories.

Coffee is also one of the few things I do not have to share with my child. She will hog and steal my juice, she will want to have my ice cream, milkshake, and even iced tea. Sometimes she gets a taste of them but giving your child coffee gives the bad mom award right to me, so I always say, "You can't have mommy's coffee," and it sounds even better because I'm right.

When I studied in London, I was made fun of for my "filthy American" coffee habit. Most of the best coffee there was found in little deli-type places and definitely not Starbucks, however, they are definitely all about the tea over there.

This morning I finally enjoyed a completely epic dark roast of fresh coffee and just realized that it's one of my few luxuries. I don't mean to say I go out every day and buy coffee, I just mean that I allow myself that coffee every day. I make sure I have good coffee, every day. Hell my Mother's Day present was a coffee grinder!

I don't get massages often enough, maybe twice I year. I don't get my nails done more than twice a year either. I don't buy fancy clothes, purses, shoes or housewares. I pack my lunch every day. We rarely go out to dinner. I am NEVER without coffee. Never. Coffee has become quite the great friend to me, and I never ever want to be without it. 

So here is my ode to coffee and to our beautiful relationship. This blog does advertise diatribes so here one is, and on Wednesday of all days! Reminder that Saturday and Sunday will be post-less as I will be attempting to enjoy a true weekend away!

The Side Effects Of Attempting To Be Health-Conscious

Maybe I spent too many years around hippies. Maybe I spent too long on crazy diets and hating my body. Maybe I am just a stubborn woman, but last week I hit my max and I opted for western medicine. Today I'm struggling with the side effects.

In attempts of adulting we are low-grade insured but insured regardless. So we went and got physicals and blood draws. My 3 draws over the past 9 months kept returning worse and worse levels of thyroid stuff meaning I have an under-active thyroid. When I Googled this, turns out I had like 10 out of 13 symptoms. None of these symptoms felt, un-manageable to me. I have a hard time losing weight but lots of people do. I'm always tired but I'm a mom who works full time. I have dry skin and hair because, well sometimes that's par for the course, right?

When I switched workout routines in no way did I expect some miracle weight loss. I'm not dieting nor do I believe in crazy diets anyway anymore, but my diet hasn't changed and I've gained some weight. I work out 30 minutes 5 or 6 times a week, I haven't been eating in excess or changed my normal regime and I've gained...for no apparent reason. Not okay for me.

My last bad blood test finally brought up the idea of medication to which I said we could wait for, but with this whole weight gain thing, enough was enough. I decided to get the prescription. I have a friend who recently started treating her thyroid stuff too and she gave me lots of good resources and advice. So Saturday I started the medicine.

I have to take it at the same time daily and I can't eat food or drink coffee for an hour after having the medicine. This part wasn't difficult for me. I'm up at 5AM five days a week to workout, and if I take it around then, by the time I get home from the gym, make my lunch, make the coffee, and make breakfast, that's well after an hour. I was told the common side effect is it messing with your sleep. Unfortunately I've had other fun side effects instead.

This is day 4. Day one ended with a nasty migraine and nausea. Day two was okay but I had a lot of rest. Yesterday I had intense dry mouth, thirst and nausea. I also felt really spacey and had fluctuations in hot and cold. Today is much more nausea, intense thirst and dry mouth again, spacey and hot flashes among general discomfort. I'm told this is all trial and error but are we there yet?

I know I have to be patient, but boy is it rough. I'm not good at feeling "off." I'm not good at feeling "less than" or not capable of all things normal but I hope to push through. It's ironic that feeling all of this is supposed to get me healthier. I'm having to remind myself of the greater good, the big picture and one day at a time. Some moments are easier than others.

I've never really taken anything besides prenatal vitamins that were prescribed and it's definitely a journey. I'm drinking so much water I swear I'm in the bathroom once an hour and it takes me most of the morning to get over the spacey feeling. I definitely need a good night's sleep tonight too.

I think my mental struggle is that thyroid issues can cause heart problems so I don't want to mess around there, but unless I start to generally feel better, am I actually being health conscious with all of this? That's where I'm having a rough time.

Temporary. Everything is temporary. These reminders are crucial right now and I carry them with me. So I ask all of you to be a little patient with the blog as I'm not on my usual game right now but am here if you all want to reach out to me for story ideas and suggestions. Happy Tuesday!

Weight A Minute

Weight stuff sucks. I just text my husband a "feeling fat" reference and he told me that your body fluctuates up to 3 to 5 pounds difference a day and not to feel discouraged. My shorts are telling me something else, I feel.

I gave up "diets" forever ago and I found that everything in moderation works best. I can be super extreme about diets. When I was on Weight Watchers a decade ago, I used to eat like 4 servings of low fat soup, and save all of my calories and cheat points for liquid calories or an order like this one:

I can also just not eat. It's like a medieval challenge for me to starve. This is not the correct approach, I found. I also hate the idea of missing out on food, or fun because of dieting.

For years I worked in close proximity to what I call "Food Shamers." You were damned if you do, damned if you don't. You were highly praised for losing weight when noticed, and side comments were always made. It was not a happy environment. If you were given "free lunch" you would feel guilted into eating but then shamed for eating Pizza, Chik-Fil-A or whatever, later. It was maddening.

It was after that I realized I wanted to eat and do whatever. That also backfired. Calories suck. It is now, with many workouts, endless therapy, age and my thyroid working against me, that it's all about moderation, all the time.

So this morning I put on my shorts that I haven't worn since...October maybe? In October I was still going to spin and boot camp. I had just toned up like a boss and was gradually getting out of obsessive workout mode and into mental health matters. The shorts were a little tight. Frustrating.

I refuse to watch the Marie Kondo thing on Netflix but I get the whole "not sparking joy" thing to the point where I purged my whole closet. Any pants that made me feel fat or less than, have moved on. And also some pairs of shorts. I refuse to feel "badly" about myself in what I'm wearing.

So I talked myself down, "Okay, you haven't negatively changed your diet. You are still transitioning from Boot Camp to kickboxing which is just a whole new routine for your body to adjust to. You also just got the diagnosis that you have an underactive thyroid working against you. You don't LOOK unhealthy. You're good girl."

I text some friends for moral support. I did the mirror check at work. Then I listened to my Dax Shepard podcast and he said how important physical activity is, not for vanity, but for mental health and my self esteem perked right back up, why?

I'm in a way healthier mental space now, then I was consumed with double workouts, hating to run and feeling lack luster about routines. So what if my pants disagree. This is just affirmation of why I adore leggings more. 

I consider myself a body positive person, but also get a little worried when it comes to those heavier people that are technically and medically unhealthy. Be curvy, gorgeous women, but also be healthy. You can embrace your size but don't eat McDonald's 5 times a week. The health standards and balanced diets exist for a reason. You don't have to technically fit in, but also don't risk unnecessary health problems and shorter life span just because you want to not care about what you can eat.

By technical standards, I have never fit the "ideal weight" for my height and even at my most fit, and most skinny, I didn't fit into them, but my BMI was healthy, and had no health concerns. Sure, my thyroid is being a ridiculous challenge that has me fearing western medicine, but I work out 30 minutes a day 5 to 6 days a week, sometimes longer. I don't eat junk routinely and drink maybe one night a week or one night every few weeks, if that. I'm still curvy and not a size 0. Everyone is different.

I think we all struggle with our weight, whether or not we want to admit it, but we just need to "weight a minute." Life happens, some days you need two cupcakes, some days you don't. Food is amazing and I've never regret eating anything...anything that didn't give me food poisoning that is.

I love trying new things, desserts, and having great wine with it all. I'm willing to work for that, no questions asked. I realized very young that I cannot sit around and eat what I want. However, if I work out or participate in athletic activities I can care less about what I'm eating and just work on moderation. One cupcake, not four.

We will all have bad days, bloated and frumpy days, and days we think we're Beyonce. Just saying. 

My encouragement and pep talk is, do what works for you and makes you happy for your health level. Just "weight a minute" the next time you get a case of the "feeling yucky body moments" and think about your health. If you're doing what you can, and not pushing too many boundaries for your metabolism and such, you're doing awesome. Maybe there are other ways to improve upon? Aren't there always? 

Stay strong readers and just "weight a minute," because we all have those days when we just feel so, "bleh." But remember, you are Beyonce, always!