Quotes, Notes And Being In The Same Boats

I am a self -proclaimed "quote hoarder." My attachment to Instagram is 90% quote and affirmation related. I have notebooks in storage just filled. Why? Quotes are a great pick me up. Ironically I'd heard a story about someone during world suicide awareness week and in reference to people's struggle with suicidal thoughts it was mentioned that maybe Social Media was a negative influence and when we are down we don't need to find the next inspirational quote but look to higher powers.

While I appreciate the sentiment, I'm the opposite. When I'm in the worst mood or head-space, I look to the perfect quote, perfect song lyric or perfect phrase to support where I am mentally and to give me a perspective on it. Notes come along the same lines in terms of, sending a note or positive affirmation when you're having a bad day might in turn shape someone else's day into something better.

As far as being in the same boat or boats for cutesy rhyming title reasons, I think that feeling as though you're not alone and adrift is kind of important. Yesterday was a Monday of a Monday. Not only did I "party" hard on Sunday with calories and all things meant for Saturdays in retrospect, but effectively reminded myself of my age, and that my body is slightly delicate. Yesterday I was just off my game. 

My entire household stayed up too late Sunday pretending it wouldn't matter. My daughter and I suffered the most and just ended the day fragile and in a funk. Yesterday instead of having a shorter attention span in my exhaustion, however, I was able to channel some soft maternal instincts and be a serious mother.

When I picked up my little one I could tell she was down a peg. She's not sick but her allergies are killing her. We have a regimen to combat it but when she started feeling better, we got lazy and she had a bit of a revisit from the snots and sinus stuff. Yesterday I said, "Okay let's forget the normal rules and get you to just chill."

We made some agreements on how the night would go. I let some of the rules slide and she did pretty well. When I got her to communicate properly her anxiety about being assigned "new jobs" in class tomorrow was part of the issue, but also just needed a good night's sleep and some medicine to help with her feeling a little off. I was able to keep my calm in my hangry, sleepy state.

Okay I lost it once when she tried to get sour cream and then Nutella on my sheets. EW! I said go clean up and keep your face off my linens! Kids are gross!

There was a weird sense of comfort knowing we were both in the same boat. She was anxious about school. I was anxious about life. I literally admitted to myself yesterday that I had extended myself out to people and was in over my head, like, I was not equipped to handle their drama.

Last night and today I have been saving and pinning and noting all the quotes. Some are silly. Some are inspirational, and some are ironic. I've posted in excess on Instagram because I'm sorting things out with all of my coping mechanisms. Sometimes I feel like in this age of technology my emotions and rationalizations are a vision board of all the feels. Anxiety makes me feel scattered and all over, but if I can collect my thoughts into one succinct sentence, maybe I can re-frame them into something pretty? Like a collage!? 

I also build scenarios for the reactions of others. I go over how conversations may or may not play out. Yes, it is exhausting being inside my head. This is why I work out. I physically tire out my body so my mind gets shut off as my body hits "sleep mode" at bed time. Ridiculous but true.

I feel comforted with quotes. I feel comfort with being in the same boat or boats with like-minded people. With the quotes, I feel it's a reminder that someone, somewhere felt that too, and now you have the words to put the feelings down on paper. With the boats I just feel like not being alone is always a good thing to remember, I mean the planet is packed. Alone alone would be quite an achievement, but finding commonality is crucial.

Sometimes when I see my daughter acting too much like me, it can be cringe-worthy but last night being in the same tired, whiny boat with her made me more compassionate and considerate, which I really held close to my heart. Being able to turn it out and "be a mom," is not something I do with confidence, so when it happens I kind of want to do a happy dance. Ironically yesterday I did find an awesome quote about how moms need to take care of themselves, how moms need self care because kiddos need them, so maybe that quote did the work necessary to carry me through.

As I'm rounding out all the ideas for this installment of the blog, I would want to leave this idea with my readers; we all have our own coping mechanisms for when we are going through mentally stressful times. We all have our own triggers, so what works for you, let work FOR you. Maybe all my posting will have people asking "What is she doing?" Maybe people will just think "She's probably sorting things out." Maybe people won't even notice. For now, for me, for this day and this time and this mentality that I'm operating within, the quotes, the notes and the being in same boats are all pushing me through process. Find what's yours and keep working!

Finding All The Time; The Question Of When

That phrase, "There are not enough hours in the day," must have been written for parents, and mothers specifically. As an avid supporter of therapy, I will admit that in a therapy session when our therapist was talking to us about making time to communicate, it took every fiber in my being not to shout..."When?"

We are supposed to have the time to "do it all." I'd like to reveal to you all, it's complete and utter bullshit. It may also be impossible. 

Timing and finding the time, is really difficult. Date nights, solo errands, nights out with friends, calm conversations, dinner not being a rush, all of these things require planning and timing and I'm not going to lie, it's all really exhausting. This is coming from someone who only has one child, mind you. 

I used to sit and admire the moms that could "do it all." But then I actually started listening to them and befriending them and I realized it's not that they "do it all" but rather they have different methodologies and routines they have found that work for them. So I've just tried to do the same for me.

Most of us are running on very little sleep, although I maintain that sleep is my single favorite hobby and if I have the opportunity to get as much as possible, you better believe I will! 

My biggest struggles are time for myself, and time with my husband. Time with my husband is completely maddening because we operate on extremely different wavelengths. I have a cup of coffee and am firing on all cylinders from 8AM to about 3PM. He isn't truly awake until at least 1PM, even if he wakes up at 7AM, and at 9PM is ready to hang out...just as I'm past my bed time! It stinks, to say the least. Opposite schedules are a hindrance. 

So when do we find time to do what we need? A lunch break? If hubby and I catch a lunch date it has a specific end time, talk about killing a moment. All other walks of life are interrupted by my child, because she is sassy and six. So, therefore, I repeat, when?

We get many, many, MANY, suggestions, which are often kind and thoughtful for that answer. Almost all of them are just not conducive to our life. I work hard on my time management but that doesn't just make everything happen. Between kid schedules, work schedules, and my precious sleep, it seems to always be a struggle.

I am a scheduled, organized person. I've tried to schedule time together and it rarely works. Date nights, depending on the babysitter, usually end up having consequences, and again, we operate on opposite levels in most walks of life. He's tired and hungry later, I'm tired and hangry all the time. 

I used to make the large mistake of taking to Facebook to complain about this. I had moms who agreed and then other people with their snarky comments that made me so mad. Only a few understood enough to think to offer help. Those are my favorite people. This is also not some inadvertent hint to text me after reading by the way. No, seriously.

The "WHEN" has always been such a looming and sad question for me because it never has an easy answer of "4PM Tuesday," and 90% of the time "When" turns into the dreaded, "As soon as," ellipsis. No fun.

My life is filled with "As soon as." Sometimes it feels like a reflex. I've had to be more assertive in following through with these things that come up for "as soon as," also, which is tough at times. We always think we have plenty of time. We always think we will have time and these assumptions make things even more sticky, because life is a lot shorter than we'd like to admit.

With age I have become so much more careful with my time. It is much like money where it must be spent wisely and this is a great first step. As with any circumstance, we do what we can. We sneak it in here or there but I've certainly stopped pouring my time into proverbial glasses that aren't half empty or half full, but cracked and draining! All the metaphors!

The "whens" and "as soon as's" are just so daunting, but nonetheless a part of life. Much like our children asking the never ending "why" and our need to say "no" we all find a way to make life work with balancing time, energy and all the things.

There is no sure fire way to find all the time, and there's no good answer for the question of when, especially not that of "as soon as...". But we are here and we persist. Life is wonderful and exhausting and, for me, it comes with these points of "Oh my gosh when would I find that time?", that I can rearrange and better align my life so I CAN find the time. 

No one "Does it all!" Okay, MAYBE Oprah! But we need to do what we can, day by day, and make an effort to find the time and answer the question of when, more simply. If we can tell a child when she can have a toy back, we can tell our husbands when date night is. We can find all the time we need, when we need the time with our people. Make it work, readers!

Sorry Not Sorry Is Truly An Epic Phrase

There are only a few phrases in terms of slang that I actually enjoy. For instance the phrase "Throw shade at," is a slight against God and all that is unholy in any grammar usage. I'm also not that big of a fan of "Bae," it just feels like someone forgot the other "b" in "babe."

However, the whole "sorry not sorry" phenomenon, is actually quite insightful, or so I think.

We go through life learning to apologize at an early age. "Say you're sorry!," become the mantra of mothers. We are supposed to teach accountability right? But as women, the whole sorry thing is just another level.

With all the women's empowerment movements the above quote from one of my favorite famous humans, Amy Poehler, is beyond perfect. Women are taught to be sorry for, being loud, especially if it means raising our voice to a man. We are made to apologize for having children "inconveniencing" other walks of life. We have to apologize for dressing provocatively or being "too sexy" and therefore attracting the "wrong kind of attention." We apologize too much, in my opinion but to sum up, "I'm sorry, I'm NOT sorry."

The reason this phrase is both easily thrown around and very appropriate is because you can feel regret that you aren't feeling badly about something you are "supposed" to feel badly about. Think about this: should we feel bad that we stood up for ourselves? Sorry, not sorry. Should we feel badly that we left a situation where we were treated poorly? Sorry, not sorry. And should we feel bad that we say "no" to doing things that "don't spark joy?" Sorry, I'm not sorry.

I started thinking about all of this in reaction to an argument with my six year old. She is 6 going on 16 and said something sarcastic. She gets her sass from me unfortunately. Anyway, I sent her to her room to cool down and feel her feelings and then she made a rude, hurtful remark. So, I took away some precious privileges and cracked down. In effect, I'm sorry that she is upset, but I'm not sorry I disciplined her. She needs to learn respect, even when she feels like things are unfair. Most of life is unfair, but we don't get to be horrible to people just because we are having a bad day, or at least that is the lesson I hope to convey.

I also had the sorry, not sorry, thing come up this morning. In most cases of parental life, weekends are packed. This was the first one in a long time that wasn't completely booked with everything and where we could all just decompress. We had a weird couple of weeks too. As mentioned often before, to me, relaxing is a foreign concept. There is always something I "should be doing," and this morning my husband made me stop, and was actually able to stop with me. On a good week, my husband and I have about 16 hours together, and I'm not exaggerating. Days when we can actually just chill, are few and far between.

So this morning, I was sorry that I blew off the "obligatory," but not sorry that I was lazy and binge-watching Hulu with my husband, a pile of pancakes and bacon. Sorry, not sorry. I'm sorry that I don't feel badly that I said no to things that I wasn't feeling happy or calm about. And, sorry but I'm especially not sorry that I didn't fake some social interactions this weekend just so I could feel like I was socially accepted. Sorry not sorry.

As you get older you become more and more unapologetic and it's not always a mean or snarky thing, but once you get mid thirties, you are kind of like, "So this is who I am now." For me, I will do just about anything for a friend who can treat me kindly and not make me feel badly about myself or my life. But, if you are just going to make me feel like crap, sorry, not sorry, you can just head the opposite direction.

And sorry, not sorry; I'm very done feeling sorry for myself. Life is hard. All you can do is grow. It's not about being, "so strong," it's not about the "resilience," it's about just living. Didn't Matthew Mcconaughey tell us in the cult classic, Dazed and Confused it's just about "livin," "L-I-V-I-N,?" I think so.

So with all do respect, I am truly sorry I'm not sorry. However I maintain that sometimes that is okay. If I actually cause some harm an owe apologies I'm not just going to be that person who refuses to apologize, but overall, let's just turn the Demi Lovato hit up, and keep L-I-V-I-N!