Trying On Clothes Is Not My Favorite

In a fit and purge a few months ago, I ditched most of my clothes. No, I did not watch "Tidying Up," but I did get rid of plenty that did not "spark joy." While this was freeing, it also left me with some limitations. We have had two weddings to attend this year and weddings scream, "New dress."

I will out myself as nothing less than "cheap." In years before baby, shopping was my cardio. I longed for the stuff. As soon as I had a baby and had all the baby stuff, my stuff got old, neglected and uncomfortable. I feel like I've downsized and reprioritized a lot over the years, but it has definitely left me with less to choose from. In some ways this is great, and in others it can get stressful.

I recently fell back in love with Old Navy. They've had amazing styles and prints this season, and with the sales things are very affordable. Also, if they get trashed right away, you didn't pay much so it's not the end of the world. Target's fancy layout remodel and fashionable trends have also been fun to explore, so I've shopped there a lot, too.

I love me some TJMaxx and Marshall's but you have to have some serious, non-distracted time and no expectations for that kind of adventure, which is pretty rare for me. There are a lot of styles that are "cool," right now that don't fit my body type, sad but true. So I'm kind of in a weird place with it all.

The other day after slaying two workouts and having a gym buddy say I looked like my workouts were paying off, I was feeling slimmer and stronger. I thought, "Yay, I'm getting my confidence back a bit." I started dressing a little cuter, and was trying to take my body back in a sense. Knowing I had to have something newer for this upcoming wedding and our weekend free time was dwindling before our trip date, last night I took the time to hit Target.

I window shop online and Jumpsuits and Rompers are "so in." I got a Romper last year but when I ballooned back up into my discomfort zone, that thing was out of any rotation. Plus it made me feel like I was trying too hard to "look young." My best friend and I also created a fun game where, because rompers only compliment some body types and are not for everyone unfortunately, we started pointing out "Rompers" versus "Wrong-pers." It was like our own, "Who wore it best," or "Worst Dressed" list in US Weekly. It may sound catty and unfeeling but we're actually way less mean, or intended to be less mean, and are more silly about it I should say. I have been the victim of "wrong-pers" often LOL. I wish someone had told me!

Yesterday I got to Target and picked out a few things. I tried the regularly priced "nice things" and then hit the clearance rack for my favorite cheap finds. With a few choices, off I went to the dressing room to figure it all out. First of all, it was like the worst lighting ever. I felt like the Walking Dead. Then, just the trendy, skinny kinds of styles made all my self esteem shrink.

So first we have this gem above here. I loved the fall fashion, and the colors were good, but the long dress was not happy with my short body and it hugged my curves in the wrong way. This was not wedding-worthy. My hair was a mess and I have a zit popping but whatever. I didn't feel amazing either way, but I still posted this on Instagram because, meh, I was trying to stay lightened up.

Then we have the ROMPER/Jumpsuit threefold up here. This thing is my color, but I just kept staring thinking it wasn't really complimentary. From the side with the proper "suck it in," so then I would also need some new Spanx, it was okay at best. The front view left me very unsure. 

I found one other dress for the magical price of $9.00 in my other color, which is a golden yellow, and it fit really comfortably, and complimented my shape well, so I bought it because it could be wedding-worthy or but mostly because I can have a $9.00 new dress. The Romper up there was $30.00. I bought it, and was even able to get myself into a small after another try on sesh, not pictured, because I thought it would help the frumpy areas, and took the dress and myself home. The buyer's remorse from the $30.00 clothing purchase is ridiculous, but I seriously am planning on a return ASAP.

I didn't put it on at home again for other opinions, but this morning between my daughter chasing me, my routine closet stare where I figure out today's outfit, and then just my revisiting what I already own I thought to myself, "Wait a minute here." I looked in my shoe area and remembered fondly my blue suede boots.

When I was interning in London I spoiled myself with these beautiful blue boots. These are boots I don't get to wear anymore. Florida is frigging hot! Well this wedding is in October in Georgia at night, which will be cooler so it could work! And then I found a dress my mom bought me, lightweight but long-sleeved and could be worn with the blue suede boots, which BONUS, no more shoe shopping, which is also a nightmare for me. I have freakishly small feet unfortunately. 

For me it's not about being cheap, thrifty or even just a matter of laziness. For me, it's about utilizing what I already have. If I can spend no extra money and throw together something decent, count me in. I honestly don't have the time to shop and try everything on and decide on yes or no very often. I'm pretty consistently stressed about money so it all feels mostly unnecessary to me.

From time to time I need new underwear or a new pair of shorts, but I don't just go drop $200 because I want a "new look." That's not a part of my personal life program anymore. Retail therapy was a huge part of my depressive phases 10 years ago. It is something I have grown out of and refuse to return to. There are varying definitions of "need." I know what I need and don't need though now. And there's no outfit I can't live without.

I do love a good window shop. I love a good sale find. Maybe I've just outgrown being a "shopper." It's not something I do for pleasure but rather out of necessity. Even when I've had a day to shop and "money to burn" so to speak, I always think that money could be put to better use in the end.

After some serious reflection, I feel more grateful towards my body. I feel more grateful towards my growth and adult-ness in terms realizing that I don't "need" to do extra when I have what I need. I have an appreciation for the lessons I've learned over the years. I feel grateful for WHAT I HAVE. This has not always been the case, but being able to say or type that, is a complete and utter Wednesday "wisdomous" win. 

A Normal Family Evening?

Yesterday was an anomaly in our household I feel. Perhaps if I explain this via the blog, I can better understand the phenomenon myself.

I left work insanely early for a dentist appointment. Not only did I get there on time and was taken almost immediately back, everything was fine. There were no complaints, no, "You should probably spend a thousand dollars on THIS." It was pretty painless and only took 30 minutes of my day. It was then I ventured to Target.

Yesterday I had to buy my child what will be her last car seat. It's a weird, bittersweet feeling and although she is 6 and a half and nearly 70lbs I am that mother who makes sure we follow the guidelines for car-seat safety rigorously. Going to Target for this was weird. I went to a Target I used to frequent when she was as baby. It was a store I knew well and used to love. Now it seemed unorganized and scattered. It was out of what I wanted and it was really obnoxious actually.

When I came home to finish up work stuff, my computer was being pretty horrible honestly. It wasn't working in a timely fashion and I ended up using my phone. To my pleasant surprise, my phone worked flawlessly. Had I known this, I could have saved myself a lot of stress. Now it is noted!

My husband actually rested well on his day off AND managed to knock out a bunch of chores we needed done. He then sent me to the gym for another round of punching, picked up the kid and made dinner so we could grab grandma and venture to our favorite haunt, Cold Stone.

We don't do this stuff, especially on weeknights. I don't say that lightly. We don't "go out" on weeknights. And when we stay in the schedules get lax or moved around to the point that things often go awry. I usually hide in my room and let the husband run the show. Yesterday he was on point and kept us on task so much so as to leave enough time for us to start my new favorite show, "The Righteous Gemstones," on HBO.

It was an oddly well put together evening and we all slept well and had fun with each other. Again, this isn't any kind of routine occurrence for the house of Chriss. I don't mean that to say we are a bunch of crazy, mean people who just can't stand each other but quality time is so hard to come by, as is pensive, agreed upon planning.

We have such crazy schedules and so much to do with not enough time to do it, so snagging an evening like that one was like a diamond in the rough. We talked about movies to see at Thanksgiving. We talked about our days and things we wanted to do this weekend. We laughed a lot. Even my mom was pretty tolerable.

These moments are ones I carry closely now. Time seems to be moving faster and faster and I'm more awake, aware and attentive now. The other night I was putting away laundry and spied on my daughter singing a song to the TV and then talking to the dog. She won't always be that cute.

My husband was gloating that he'd completed an entire chore list and started and finished a full laundry cycle without being asked or prompted, and instead of a sassy remark I high-fived him and said thank you.

I had an important conversation with my husband about some triggers and discomfort and where I was with certain weekend routines. We had time together that was real, and uninterrupted, which is rare for us.

This random list, is kind of a big deal in my world. No, it IS a big deal in my world. I realize some people have these things in place and just ease into these moments as no big deal but in my current place of healing and growth, you have to be so grateful for the little things because they make big things feel even bigger!

Someone I admire greatly once told me "Normal is what you know." He said this to me when I was wishing for a "normal family." The normal that I know now, comes leaps and bounds from a dysfunctional normal from a few years ago. I'll take what I can get and stay grateful.

I always say we're "traditionally untraditional" for a family meaning we kinda do our own thing. We have found what works and we keep it moving for us, but that semblance of "normalcy" last night was pretty amazing and I want to revel in it a bit.

We have an upcoming storm watch for us Floridians and when Irma hit, that was rough for our anxiety, our bank accounts and our sanity. This time we are communicating and ready for anything and that is the closest to normal we've ever been!

Blogging should stay consistent through Friday and the rest we'll have to see about as things culminate. Monday is a holiday regardless but we might be having some crazy weather. 

Clean Home, Nacho Tantrums, Dane Cook

To quote the Princess Bride, "Let me explain, no it's too much, let me sum up."

I'm beyond exhausted and I hit my wall. My hubby surprised me with coffee, I conquered the whole going to church thing, stopped at Target to get a birthday gift and then home to clean for 3 hours. Yes it was baseboard day. This was after yesterday we did Horseback riding, then came home to pack for visiting my cousin and her new baby, and then say goodbye to great friends, back near our house.

I finally hit my wall when my husband asked me what I wanted for dinner. How dare he. He deviated from my plans I had mentally laid out and not communicated and how dare he?!? Yes, I was tired, hangry and being ridiculous.

I threw a tantrum until he finally offered to make me my secret pleasure pig out food, nachos. Then he put on our favorite Dane Cook live comedy from the tour we saw, and left me to be lazy. Sometimes he's not that bad, and sometimes exhaustion is for good reason.

I haven't had much time to think, let alone watch, so here I am, with another tiny post, telling you that I will get it back on track Tuesday. Thanks for sticking with me readers!