Bye Bye Boot Camp; The End Of An Era

On February 1st, 2014 I started my journey with Boot Camp at Bayside. We were living in Westchase and I was, for lack of a better word, overweight. My daughter had just celebrated her 1st birthday and I was ready to get my fitness back.

I used to LOVE the YMCA, and I tried to go back, but unfortunately I had a bad experience with their daycare, and I needed to find something to do when my husband was home. At this time, I was working from home, overnights between 12AM and 6AM. I was usually only scheduled from about 12 to 3 or 4, so I had time before my husband left for work at 10AM or 12PM to make sure I could sneak in a workout before he left or even better, before the baby got up. 

I was super active on Facebook in groups like Westchase Swap and Shop and Westchase Garage Sale, so I started looking for an alternative to some expensive gym with not great class times and someone suggested Boot Camp at Bayside, hosted just over the Oldsmar bridge in wonderful, Safety Harbor. I messaged the person in charge and he said they were having a Saturday workout to come and try it, see if it fits.

So, the day of my daughter's 1st birthday party, I went at 7AM to try it out. I could barely keep up and had multiple wardrobe malfunctions; I was not used to fitness including "mom boobs." I made it through and was invited to come right back on Monday morning at 6:15AM. We took this picture at her party that same afternoon when the soreness was kicking in.

I made it back Monday for a workout called "Island Party" and there was no party about it. I pushed myself, but my trainer eventually cut me off from all the running laps. It was grueling and hard, but the great thing about Boot Camp was it was a workout for every fitness level. You had moms like me, guys that were super athletic and didn't want to deal with the gym, runners, cross-fit fans, and everything in between.

I was a good 50 pounds heavier than when I got pregnant and I'd never been so big. It was time to get to work. It was not an easy 3 month start, but what was great was you started to get to know the people you worked out with too. It was a whole different thing than the gym. I spent the first year of Boot Camp in the 6:15 class and my trainer introduced me to something called, "Savage Race," which I did my first one of just 6 months later. That was so difficult. I barely jogged in between the obstacles and I certainly couldn't do all the obstacles but I got muddy and had fun.

It was also during this time period that an older boot camper heard me talking about working overnight and then coming to boot camp. He said, "You are home all day with the baby, you work from 12AM to 4AM and then come to boot camp at 6:15AM, 3 days a week?" He asked me if my husband could stay home with the baby if I worked during the day shift and said, "We might be able to find you something that works with your schedule," and handed me a business card to a car dealership.

I went in for an interview and was hired; and it was all because of Boot Camp. By the end of 2014, I had a new job, was down at least 30 pounds, had finished one Savage race, was training for another in 2015. I was ready to keep working hard. 

When I got the job at the dealership and decided I wanted to get much stronger, I started going to the 5:15AM Boot Camp class, which was much faster and more dedicated than those in the 6:15AM class. Then I started doing 2 hours of Boot Camp to train for Savage Race, and jog on my days off. I ran 2 Savage Races in 2015, March and October, and the March one was my best because I didn't get super sick after all that exertion, which was good. I sure had cold, muddy fun though!

I was super fit and having a great time, working normal hours and becoming myself again. I started to get to know everyone in my boot camp better. I met a lot of local moms and got to know my trainer to the point where I watched his kiddos from time to time and think he just might consider me a friend. When 2015 ended I was doing great and we had just moved into Safety Harbor, also with the help of Boot Camp, who recruited the Bayside Men's Group to help haul, load and unload. We provided bagels and coffee.

Boot Camp became a staple in my life. It was just always there. And I knew enough people in the group that we would always check in on each other and keep each other motivated. If you missed too many boot camps and weren't on vacation, you'd hear about it. You could be at the store and run into someone asking if you were okay, you could be on Facebook posting funny gym memes, or my favorite, in traffic and a Boot Camper pulls up next to you shouting about where you were that morning. It's a family.

I met most of my closest mom friends in Boot Camp, and in 2016, Boot Camp literally was our saving grace when we got into the car accident. In June 2016, a Wednesday morning after boot camp, and on my way to my job at the dealership, we got into a nasty car accident that put us all into the hospital, 2 out of 3 of us had severe injuries.

My boot camp mom squad and I used to have a morning Facebook group chat with, knew I was always quick to respond to anything. That morning they'd heard nothing from me and they knew something was wrong. One of my boot camp mom friends, and someone who I consider a mentor, beat us to the hospital when I called her to come help. And when my trainer checked in on us, I made a snarky comment about all we need is lots of money, and he took up a boot camp collection the next morning. He also showed up with a bunch of hand me down toys for my kiddo and helped us arrange anything we needed.

My boot camp family got me clothes for the hospital. Boot Campers bought us a new bed for our recovery because our old one wouldn't work. They CLEANED MY FILTHY HOUSE while we were in the hospital. They set up food delivery of casseroles and bought my kiddo toys and projects for her recovery. They donated gift cards, pizza money, spending cash and one mom even stocked my fridge with beer. They checked in often and I can now reveal, you boot campers made my big husband cry because I was so lucky to know you all. We even had a friend mow our lawn every two weeks for 2 months because my husband's shoulder was messed up.

Boot Camp at Bayside has helped me become healthy in more ways than one. And, sadly, Friday is the last day. This is not just for me; two weeks ago my trainer announced that the church no longer wished to host our morning routines and he would be looking into alternatives. While he has other plans in motion, the 5:15AM class days are officially over. 

This hit me really hard because no matter what over the past few years, Boot Camp was just there. It was a kind of "home base" for fitness and friendships. It was insanely affordable, comfortable and you worked out with your friends who were like family. No matter what our personal lives threw at us, we had boot camp. It didn't matter if you gained weight, ate too much, or had a bad week, people would encourage you and push you a little bit more to do better. 

In 2018 I joined another gym in addition to boot camp to get back into cycling and boot camp was still my most consistent routine. When you've been waking up at 4:45 for 4 years, you kind of get used to it. And even with weight fluctuations, I've kept a good 40 pounds off and stayed strong.

 

Closing Boot Camp at Bayside was a depressing announcement and he got a lot of people talking to him about, well what next? For me, it just broke me that the family I had known so well wouldn't congregate anymore. Sure you can always change up a routine, and you won't lose the relationships but Boot Camp is a GREAT workout! And even the workouts of the day I "hate" are still good for me! It's the end of an era!

Friday is my last day of 5:15AM Boot Camp at Bayside with all of my favorite people and I may actually cry. How do you say goodbye to something so simple, that completely changed your life for the better? Boot Camp kicked my butt into losing weight, and got me back into church to meet amazing people and helped me find job opportunities and direct me to where I belong. Boot Camp was my stability and a rock of fitness; always dependable. It will be missed. That may even be an understatement

While I'm super glad my trainer is moving onto new things, there is a part of me that will always be sad that it couldn't last forever but what is that saying, "Nothing good can stay?"

The memories and workouts will always be there, and the friendships will definitely outlast the Boot Camp at Bayside legacy. 

So for my year of 34, it might not have Boot Camp but it certainly has new challenges and positive changes. So Friday morning we will say goodbye to our Boot Campers and close the book on a pretty big fitness chapter. I will definitely be in mourning though, because losing this routine is a huge hit, but if Boot Camp left me with anything, it's the ability to work through it all, especially physically!

Let's Get Serious And Talk About...Serving Sizes

This is a real discussion people...excuse my french but serving sizes these days, are BULLSHIT. No, seriously, we need to reevaluate our consumer lives I think.I have struggled with weight, I DO struggle with my weight, and I've had many a battle with food issues. But yesterday it sparked something blog-worthy.

Yesterday I started to feel off. I've been very conscious about what I'm eating and that I'm eating properly. Some may call me a food extremist because I can eat everything or nothing and still function, granted some ways of functioning are better than others. Nowadays, it's about paying attention to what I'm actually eating, how much of it and when I'm munching.

It's been easier than I thought, and productive. So I had a great breakfast and packed some apple sauce, some veggies and then some more fruit. My stomach started getting crampy, so of course I went for the banana to ease this early on. When water wouldn't help it to chill out, I broke out the apple sauce. By lunch it was still unhappy and I had to run to Publix anyway so I got myself a small to go pack of Cheez-Its:

The bag says, "Grab N Go." It's roughly the same size as a sandwich bag, maybe smaller. It was just $1.00, I hadn't had them in a long time and yay for salt! There was a 150 calorie count on the front under my thumb but what I looked at on the back was that they consider this "Grab N Go" bag to be 3 servings. THREE SERVINGS in this bag. Let me ask you, who is buying this bag to revisit once a day for 3 days? Because that person is an intensely specific, careful person!

So as you can see, the entire bag is 430 calories, which is roughly the same amount of calories as a breakfast bagel. This is just considered a snack. I got weirdly annoyed by this and it sparked this whole question of, how are we supposed to be "healthy" when Grab and Go snacks have the same calorie count as a small meal?

We live in a world with endless brands, choices and opportunities. There is gluten free, vegan, real cheese, processed cheese, fat free, low fat, no trans fat, reduced fat, etc, etc. It can be overwhelming, as life is already overwhelming. Trying to maintain the idea of "healthy" is ever-changing and really hard, in my opinion.

It's like in the 50's you had bacon, eggs, ham, toast and orange juice for just breakfast but everyone smoked cigarettes and looked trim! Now it's egg whites only or a super sized Big Mac meal with a Diet Coke and all the different sweeteners give you cancer. How can we keep up?

Full disclosure, I inhaled the entire Grab and Go pack, I mean, it was on the label to Grab and Go, I was just following directions. But also, my body needed something to calm it down. I used to do calorie and points count for weight watchers but I discovered that, for me, counting calories and points and getting on the scale so often created more unhealthy habits as a result. So I just found comfort with moderation. I can have a damned cupcake, I can't have 3. I can have a glass of wine, not a bottle.

But I stared at this package and thought, this is what's wrong with everyone being unhealthy; on the front it says 150 and in tiny tiny letters it discloses, "per serving" and then the back it shows you all the negative nutrition facts. It's like when you go to Starbucks and all of the calories are in huge numbers next to the price and name. You practically pay a penny a calorie for the latte anymore. This is why I switched to just black coffee. Less to obsess about, more caffeine.

I happen to have an extraordinarily horrible metabolism. It's the worst. I'm one bad test away from hyperthyroidism on the low end, but still. I work out hard, to be able to eat what I want...within reason. So I had some pangs of guilt with each Cheez-It but they were delicious and calmed my stomach so, win.

This calorie stuff bugged me. Sometimes I just don't want to know. I used to LOVE the caramel apple cider at Starbucks in the winter on a cold afternoon. When I was on weight watchers, I found out it was 8 points and like 800 calories. I could have 3 cans of soup and still not use that many calories. I will never drink one again. Sometimes I wish I never knew it was an evil yet delicious drink. 

There are many ways in which it's important to know what you're putting into your body, especially with chemicals and preservatives and all, but can't we just have some buffalo chicken egg rolls without punishment? I just want the chocolate mousse without the side of guilt. Food is so awesome, let's stop shaming, shall we?

At and old job, I was working super hard on losing weight, and I got a serious public eating phobia. I had to be seen by these guys as the healthy person, I couldn't inhale Chik-Fil-A along side them. I had to look like the healthy girl. So I starved myself during my shifts a lot or just ate granola bars and a smoothie. It was not fun.

We are in a body positive place now more than ever, and it makes my heart happy because I want everyone to eat what they want, but there are definitely consequences when you do, and you have to be able to accept them. I do think that all of the calorie stuff, nutrition facts and serving sizes are poorly explained and marketed. These days I feel like we need need a class just to break this down for people because it's all a little crazy.

If you think about it, one meal at McDonald's is an entire day's calorie count or more, but will still leave you hungry. Some drinks could qualify as a meal's worth of calories. Keeping track can feel defeating at times and often, unfair. Every once in awhile a milkshake is due! We can splurge, just not every night. And finding that balance is so hard.

This is why "Cheat" days are a thing and they don't work for me personally, because I can pack a lot away in a day. I'd rather just be mindful of what I'm actually eating and allow myself a dessert or two when it occurs than shove it all into one day and starve myself the rest of the week. "Oh man I can't have that bread because Saturday I ate a whole loaf and then a cake, better stick with just lemon water and broth;" that's how it goes in my mind!

I used to think I could eat what I want and lose weight. Not so much. I made some pretty intense changes to allow for the occasional cupcake and a few glasses of wine. As you get older, workouts get harder, and you need to change up routines. But 400 some calories in Cheez-Its from time to time is worth an extra lap or two, in my opinion. 

I'm not saying we need to individually package each serving and waste resources and plastic but I think it should be much easier to be healthy. From organic food being more expensive, to gym memberships being costly, to junk food seemingly being "always on sale" it's kind of a lot to expect us to adhere to serving sizes and put our money where our mouths are, so to speak. It takes a lot of effort to be conscientious. 

So while this may come out as a bitter whining diatribe about first world problems, for me it is kind of a cry out of, "Can we make living healthy lifestyles, no matter what your size or preference, EASIER, and less stressful please?" I'm sure not everyone sits there, sees the serving size and thinks..."so do I not eat the whole thing even though I'm starving and it won't be good later, or do I eat the whole thing and then drink a lot of water the rest of the day?," but for those of us who already have an entire realm of food-related issues, it shouldn't be such a mental wrestling match. LET US EAT CAKE! 

And while serving sizes are necessary, they feel pretty ridiculous lately. I mean two girl scout cookies are a serving size and like 200 calories, but don't lie to me and tell me you don't eat a whole ROW of them from the package. THEY ARE GIRL SCOUT COOKIES! Let's just be real people, and give us real servings, serving sizes and calorie counts, up front! Or we could make it funny, like "Eat the row and that's the same as bacon and eggs, just have a handful and you're good." I always opt for funny.

Parks and Rec's whole satire around Paunch Burger, the sugar and the sodas was so insanely funny, because it's entirely too true! In contrast, they had an episode where they had to make Kale and Chard, "sexy," and Leslie admitted how gross healthy food could be. We need to improve upon that but also allow ourselves to love and enjoy food. It is the spice of life, after all. Or is that something else.

So after this whole post, I bring us this, let's be conscious but not completely insane about serving sizes and allow everything in moderation. And now I ask that all of the food companies actually make serving sizes realistic because if you call it a grab and go bag that highly suggests a single serving. At least at McDonald's when you super size something, you know what you're getting. So Oreos, Snack Crackers and Junk Food alike, let's be real, just put the calorie counts of the whole bag on there so we know what we're up against. Even Starbucks tells you how many calories in a pumpkin spice latte, no matter how depressing. They don't expect you to condense 20oz into two servings. 

Down off the weird soapbox, or perhaps food crate, I go!

Under Active Is My Middle Name

My lunch break usually involves Publix. I had to get bananas for the class Valentine's Day party and for the past few visits I've found myself looking at different kinds of pasta as if to accept my fate. You see the Chriss fam moved up a bit in life, we have decent insurance now. So we did what you're supposed to do with insurance and we went to the doctor. And for me that included two blood draws and low levels of something or other that say "Under Active Thyroid."

The official diagnosis is just once test away but I'm already overthinking. Funny how my body under-acheives in some ways and overdrives in other. I'd first heard about this with another mom friend like months ago and lets just say we'll have many talks over wine after all this is said and done.

I did what you should never do and looked on WEB MD. Unfortunately like 10 out of the 12 symptoms are all Alison. Things like "Extreme sensitivity to cold, fatigue, always feeling tired, dry skin, trouble losing weight, depression." It was all just stuff I was used to. I thought that was just who I was now.

Then I saw the "Foods to avoid," section, which may as well be named "All my favorite things." Included were bread, butter, pasta, spinach, kale, brussel sprouts, sugary things and sweets. Yeah I love those all. My husband makes fun of the fact that I believe bread to be a snack!

So I had a blah day feeling really annoyed and inconvenienced, and a little mad at my body. If you've known me since my teen years I have always struggled with weight. In fact my mom announced to my daughter's after care program that I have "weight issues." It was after my daughter was born that I stopped believing I could eat whatever I wanted and taught myself, "You can eat anything you want...in moderation, and you're going to work for it." I finally felt like I had a healthy relationship with food.

And now I have to adjust. Is this part of resilience again? So I'll be trying zucchini, lentil and chickpea pastas, I'll be saying bye to bread in my regular diet, saying goodbye to most sweets, and replacing my spinach and kale addiction with spring mix and other lettuce. But I do feel like if this makes no damned difference, I'd rather just continue my healthy affair with food and exercise as it was established.

You see I'd accepted being uncomfortably cold and I now live in Florida. I've always just been that person that needs 8 hours of sleep to be kind and productive. The dry skin didn't happen until after the baby, but that's what lotion is for. And depression has been around forever. It's not until you look at everything together that it all clicks.

This is a manageable situation for sure, but I am very resistant to western medicine. Maybe I spent too long in Oregon, but I always try to go for natural, holistic methods and ways to deal with my body first, before the drugs get brought in. Yes, I'm that hippie.

I think what bothers me is the dancing around the "diagnosis." I mean is my thyroid under active? Is it on strike? Maybe it's really mad at me. Oh and I also read that stress makes everything much worse. To quote How I Met Your Mother, "Hey, have you met Ted?" I'm the queen of stress. I'm 90% stress and anxiety incarnate!

So I've just been Pinteresting and Googling and talking everything out, trying to get a grasp on this for the next test. I'm fully open to suggestions or commiserations and ready to just know what I'm dealing with but I'm not ready to say no to cupcakes, I will miss bread dearly and thank goodness they make different kinds of vegetable related pasta because I tried the gluten free pasta and that is NOT pasta. Sorry, not sorry.

Maybe this is more of my resilience or maybe that tiredness makes me too exhausted to fight back. Maybe I figure it can't hurt to try and abide by the food restrictions to see if I feel any different. Maybe this is just a part of adulthood. Maybe the test will come back and my thyroid will have gotten its act together. So many maybes!

This week is kind of my last hurrah, like a cheat meal because next week I have to take it all more seriously. I'm sure there will be many more reports of these shenanagins. Please feel free to message me if you have advice or have dealt with this stuff yourself and also, just know that the Under Active Thyroid club apparently has many members. I just feel we should meet at the bar, preferably a taco bar with margaritas. 

Mom Bods: We Carry More Weight In More Ways Than One

This morning I did the unthinkable. I did something that bothered me to every fiber of my being. Something that I haven't done in over six years. I got on the scale to see what I weighed. Why did I cave into doing something I loathe in this way? Well, yesterday I went to my annual lady check up on a cold Florida morning and they made me get on their scale, and completely clothed, mind you. After obsessively working out with no time to eat too much, of course I expected to drop 20 pounds immediately because I deserved it dammit! Alas, I weighed maybe a pound or two less than last year, which was super disappointing.

So, I tossed and turned, hit the gym this morning and decided, "I can't actually weigh that much because I had on boots and serious layers and I started 2018 very puffy and uncomfortable. I refuse to believe I've made no progress." So I did it and as I suspected, 6 pounds less with no layers and boots. Score! And I looked at that number and realized, I was a good 40 pounds lighter than when I had Luna, but 24 pounds heavier than my skinniest. The best part? Those numbers didn't defeat me. 

Exactly 10 years ago when I was in Oregon, finishing my last semester at University of Oregon (Go Ducks) and finishing my depression and anxiety treatment, fitness was everything to me. In just 2 months in the future, I'd be engaged and then married the day after I graduated college. 

I was friends with a trainer that worked at the U of O fitness complex so between her and weight watchers I ended up trimming down to the absolute most fit I've ever been. I worked really hard because when you're a college student working only part time, you have all the time in the world to eat, but then again to work out also. When I actually looked at weight watchers and saw how many points were assigned to everything, I wanted to become anorexic or bulimic. Luckily I went through way too many years of orthodontia to ruin my teeth so anorexia became way more appealing than pigging out. Who was I kidding though, I didn't have that discipline and I was in love with food. 

I replaced binge-eating and emotional snacking with working out. My last semester at U of O I actually won the Nike Fit Female of the month and was up to 3 workouts some days. When I got married, I was legitimately thin. I was so terrified to put it back on because I LOVE FOOD and also wine and amazing cocktails. I maintained really well our first 2 years in Florida because it is mandatory you have a "beach body." With age and stress, I allowed myself a little more wiggle room until pregnancy and then after a really great first 4 months of growing a person, I just went for it. All I wanted was steak, potatoes, Twizzlers and Chik Fil A and also, if you can't eat like a pig when you're pregnant, when can you?

I got on the scale after Luna was born and there may have been tears over the post baby belly. It took me a year of motherhood until I allowed myself to take much time for me and when I hit boot camp, it was so hard. The first 90 days were the most brutal but I did it. I got down to my thick comfy size after a year. After two years I was in my pre-baby size but on the top of that range too. This past year was about stress and anxiety though.

We'd had a wedding to attend last summer that would be filled with beautiful people and I wanted to be one of  them. I had made grand designs to start in March only to have them completely derailed and halted. Not being able to work out my normal routine and being left with no other options sank me into a pretty bad depression. What helped? Bread and ice cream. Not together, just as my comfort cheats.

Finally I'd had enough. My mom, who has given me enough body issues to sustain multiple lifetimes, was of course on board to watch Luna so I could go workout during the weeknights so I could "start to feel better and fit into real clothes again," as she so lovingly describes my journey and struggle. So, I got a gym membership and went back to full time boot camp. Before I knew it I was working out twice a day again and every time I got angry or sad or anxious, I took it out in spin or on the treadmill. 

I stopped getting on the scale when I started Boot Camp because when I felt better, I noticed my sleep getting more sound and my clothes fitting differently so that was all I needed. I also had a tribe of people who supported me and told me I was looking healthier, happier and different. Working at the car dealership at the time also helped because I was surrounded by a bunch of 45+ old married dudes who loved to make inappropriately strange compliments from time to time; always a nice ego boost.

But I stayed away from that scale. Why? Because when I was younger with way more free time, all I had was time to obsess about food and all the rationalizations of "If I want that I have to work out more to earn it." In my old age I just decided, "Oh I'm having that cake, but just one small piece, not 3 because someone pissed me off today. Someone will piss me off every day, take it out on the elliptical. That's how you have your cake and eat it too mama!" Yes, I literally pep talk myself often. 

Even after the car accident, my stomach, an already super self-conscious area for me because my mom used to pat it and promise I'd "grow out of the baby fat and then be pretty and thin," got so smashed and bruised from the seat belt and impact that today there are little scar type crumples and bumps that I despise. It was hard for me to get really back into working out because I was so sore and swollen and awkward for a couple months. So my patience with my body has since evolved.

With all of the mental stuff that came with that, I just didn't take care of myself. So last year I took it back. Now due to adulting, the gym membership expires next week, however I have multiple back up plans to keep me healthy, but this morning was about my needing that validation that it was paying off. I have a few people who's opinion of my physical appearance I trust undoubtedly past the whole "Uh huh, yeah that matches" type thing, but I think I still needed a little affirmation for myself.

I don't intend to get obsessive about the numbers. I will admit I was a little disappointed, yes, but having the numbers be more already lost than more I need to lose was positive. And I've found that we all have these things about us, these strengths and weaknesses about our own personal imagery. And on these journeys, maybe we post too much about it on Instagram, but these routines for health we've established can sometimes be our saving grace. For me, the gym is a place where nothing else matters but my time to kick butt, everything else can slow down for a minute.

As moms we all carry weight so differently, which is why I hate the scale. I weigh the same as women 2 feet taller than me but it's all in my stomach and thighs, and maybe they carry it in their waist or bust. You never know. And us moms have it worse than you single ladies because our bodies went through uncontrollable changes. Sure we can try to keep everything together but pregnancy and childbirth change our figures forever! My hips can tell you that personally, and my boobs too! I didn't even have boobs before baby! And they still haven't even left me!

Already as moms we feel that pressure to be fit and look good even on the days we feel like a tired old handbag ready to be thrown in the Goodwill pile. I remember this weird feeling after I had Luna where I had to "dress like a mom." What did that even mean? I mean I had shirts with weird band logos and swear words. I guess I shouldn't show up to the park in those but did I need an Ann Taylor credit card? How does one dress like a mom? I still don't know.

We all have our own style and ways for ever facet of motherhood, especially how we carry our physical and emotional weight. Mom Bods carry it all, both figuratively and physically, so be gentle on each other, and be gentle on ourselves. It's progress over perfection and the last cliche of today is, the only workout you regret, is the one you didn't do! You got this mamas! WE got this! See you in the gym!

Working Out: It's In The Name That You "Work"

Luna has one neighborhood friend and they live a block away, which I love because there's no waiting for someone to get home to play drama. It just so happens I ran into my neighbor at the gym so we have that now too. Well, actually I had to cancel my membership so probably not but she said happily, "Now I know who I can work out with!" 

Uh, not so much. Yeah I'm an antisocial workout person in terms of, when I go to workout, I'm on a mission so I'm not there to chat. If you want to chat, I'll meet you at a coffee shop no problem, but I don't do the "workout and hangout." I can't multitask that way. I can't count my reps and have a discussion about anything else with you. 

When I was younger my mom had a few words to describe my physical appearance and the one that has always stuck with me is "round." I've always been at the top of my weight range for my height. I blame this on growing up in the land of ShooFly Pie, TastyKakes, Pen Supreme Iced Tea and all things Pennsylvania Dutch, but also, my mom was a junk foodie and I ate all the things at friends houses I could never have too.

When I was in like 7th grade I did my first and only season of Basketball. I slimmed down a bit. When I was in high school, I played tennis. This was after my mom and dad had split up so left under my dad's dietary rules, I got skinny. It was even unbeknownst to me that I became fit until I saw some homecoming pictures from one year to the next. I learned quickly that I can eat stuff, but I also have to work out a lot to burn it off. 

As soon as I spent one year with my mom I gained a bunch back because I was eating out all the time, I wasn't playing any sports and my friend worked at Baskin Robbins. That's when I really saw the difference. When I got shipped back to live with my Dad I got back into the gym. This is where the obsession began. I had taken a few spin classes here and there but I loved group fitness like step class, weight training and yoga. Anything where I could go and be told what to do and earn some yummy food later, I was in. But I never needed a friend to go with me; I was always most comfortable solo.

I found my first nanny job because of a YMCA kickboxing class. Little known fact, I was almost a step instructor in my early 20s but too many of my friends got me away from that being a feasible idea. By the time 21 hit and it was all about drinking your calories and hangover food I had gotten "round" again. During a really bad time for me mentally and personally as I entered into therapy, part of my depression and anxiety management was working out and maintaining routines.

I was already on a strict schedule when I got married and I'm happy to say, I was as skinny and healthy as I ever was for our wedding. I was able to maintain about a 10 pound range of that and worked out consistently from then on, until I became pregnant. Not only did movement the first 3 months just make me want to puke in general, but all I wanted to do was sleep. Then I ate all the things for my last two trimesters and gained way too much.

When my daughter was a year old I went back to it and found my faithful favorite, a local Boot Camp, which has since helped me lose about 40 pounds, on top of toning and strengthening. This was not easy. The first 6 months were brutal. Then my trainer challenged me to try something called The Savage Race. The first one nearly killed me and I couldn't even jog the whole thing. But then I challenged myself to two more, and the second of 3 was my most successful. To train for this I did 2 hours of boot camp, not just one, and ran a couple miles on off days. It worked.

I don't know if I'll ever quite be as skinny as the wedding days me, but now I'm at least in my pre-baby pants size range. Now knowing this, here is what you must understand, I work out with a group often, I'll enter a race with people but I'm running for me and me alone. I have my own goals and you don't have to keep up with me, nor I you because I'm in it for my own gain, not to socialize. I seriously don't know how people can run and talk. I need music or working out is pointless. And you can bet I have an epic workout playlist!

It's not that I can't go to the gym with people, but don't expect me to chit chat and socialize when I'm trying to kick my own ass. So when people ask me to run, my headphones are in and I'm in my own place. It's me, the music, the challenge. So I get a little socially awkward and put off when people want to be gym buddies and I seriously only offer to go to the gym with someone if they are wanting to commit to kicking some butt. And even then, I don't train "with them," I'm just there for moral support. Odds are I will be on the other side of the gym unless we take a spin or yoga class together.

I feel like working out is meant to be hard work, so why have anything in your way. We get in our own way enough so why have unnecessary exterior distractions. Maybe that's just my strange introverted extroverted ways but that's what works for me.

For me, working out is my most selfish and sacred "me time." It makes me feel better, sleep better and be a nicer human. I have no problem getting up at 4:45AM and going to work out if it makes my entire day easier. I never regret a workout I completed, just the ones I didn't. 

My boot camp buddies and I all keep tabs on each other. We check in and make sure we're missing class for life reasons instead of slacking. We invite each other to try other new things. We push each other. I always fell behind the group and was last across the finish line for Savage Race but my boot campers were always waiting, cheering me on. That's why I'm 5 years strong and would never quit going.

I've made a lot of friends through boot camp, whom I've run races with but not with, if that makes any sense. We see each other there and give hi-fives and maybe encourage each other with a little push but all do our own thing. I very much value the separate togetherness. Even when my husband used to hit the gym with me, he'd be weight training and I'd be in yoga. We all have our own workout routines that work for us.

So sure, I can take one for the team and go work out with some one from time to time, but mostly you'll see me fiercely focused, especially when on the treadmill lip-syncing "Girls" by Beyonce or "Woman" by Kesha. Yeah I tend to rock out when I workout and make sure no one gets the idea to talk to me when I'm in the zone! I'll be over here putting the "work" in "workout."