Recipe for Success

It happened. I did it. And that could very well be the end of this entry. Kidding!

I don't cook. I'm not saying that in a snobby "above it all," way. I don't cook. In my childhood my father did all of the cooking. My mom made lasagna and questionable choices. That's about it. Okay and salad.

My dad made Mac and Cheese, full Thanksgiving Dinner, ham and potatoes, potato soup, split pea soup, chili, spaghetti, manicotti, stew, sweet and sour chicken, tacos, sloppy joes, pork chops, fried chicken and so on and so forth. 

When I was 16 my first friend at a new high school taught me how to get boys to make you a girlfriend, and how to scramble eggs. My sister taught me when I was 17 or 18 how to make french toast and grilled cheese. When I tried to make grilled cheese for my dad, he said I was using too much butter and doing it wrong. I no longer make grilled cheese but occasionally bust out some french toast.

I make epic sandwiches and delicious salad combos. I make a lot of plans. I burn rice, I rush things and get frustrated, and I successfully make banana bread that I am the only one that likes, although my daughter will have some on occasion.

I've tried crock pot recipes and nine times out of ten they come out "okay." Later they will be found out to have "needed more or less of x,y,z" or not having all the ingredients, being super annoyed and saying "whatever." My husband has made fun of Pinterest recipes since their very evolution. Last night was my first success.

I'm going to blame my weird control whims. I'm going to say that after being engulfed in all avenues of anxiety, that I thought...how can I harness this for good? I've been struggling with feeling negative and resentful as of late. I've been feeling as though I'm reaching out to certain people and getting little to no response which leaves me feeling impotent and unimportant. Something as simple as a Pinterest recipe did more than I thought.

My husband cooks everything. He is a very wonderful chef and I abuse that often. In that way I am beyond spoiled. I also, however, appreciate ANY meal made for me, even if it's not my favorite, because I am well aware that cooking is a time consuming craft.

When I found this recipe, the "hardest" task on it was, "brown the meat." My husband actually taught me to do that once. I could totally pull it off. Now for time frame and ingredients. Shout out to Wal-Mart pick up order. I got all the ingredients we didn't have, perfectly matched to what we needed, and picked them up after I got the kiddo, with no argument.

With even further recipe review, I realized that all I needed to do what cook the meat and open the cans. My daughter could do everything else without me. What would we be making? Taco soup. Why? Earlier this week I had asked my husband to make tacos and he defrosted some ground beef. Life happened and he had a particularly bad day and it didn't happen. To alleviate "extra" requests and expectations, I said just don't worry about it, we have plenty of other meal options. 

My husband's late night go to is either soup, or some form of nacho. I figured this could be the best of both worlds. This was a way I came up with that was intended to say "I appreciate you, I know you're having an off week, so here is something nice for you." I just really hoped I couldn't somehow mess it up.

I multi-tasked like a bad ass. While browning said meat my daughter did her evening reading for me. Instead of some huge homework fight, even when we were at odds, with me concentrating on not burning and fucking up the food, and her spelling out words she was stuck on, we did good. And when she finished reading, I was ready for her to do the ingredient dump. 

We both rocked it, but she did so incredibly well just listening and stirring and understanding what we were doing for her dad. Too bad she'd never eat it, but she sure was excited to make it. It felt so good to "meal plan." It felt good to put something together thinking it would probably come out good. I set my alarm for 1AM to go turn it off in case the hubby would be later than that. No sooner did I snap that crock pot to "off" and crawl back into bed did I hear him come home, ready to enjoy his super late dinner.

He actually said it was good and he added some cheese and dipped his chips in it. My daughter said she'd remembered the secret ingredient, "Love," when she was making it.

It's weird how something so simple as a Pinterest recipe gone right, and a really easy thing to put together, somehow has given me a spring in my step for Friday like what else can I accomplish!?

When you feel ignored by people you're vying for attention from, you can wilt like a flower honestly. Sure, they are busy and working hard, but sometimes you just want some validation or acknowledgement. We're all human after all. Somehow this recipe for success actually gave me the water I needed to bloom and not wilt. This recipe's success gave me the confidence that with a little attention to detail, planning and confidence, I'm more capable than I think. Perhaps it also left me with feeling like I don't necessarily need to seek out that approval but just keep putting out good vibes, good intentions and good words and things will be returned as they need to be.

I don't think one successful crock pot experience makes me a cook. I don't feel like now I can make anything but rather I have the confidence to try other simple things. I won't pretend those anxious feelings are remotely gone but maybe I'm finding amended coping mechanisms for better handling of them. 

I've had to breathe deeply a lot this week. I've had to be patient in ways that take me out of my comfort zone and have been messing with my emotions and mentality. This concentrated effort to make some taco soup was quite the random accomplishment but I intend to keep it close as a reminder for my capabilities, creativity and an affirmation to self care and some self love. What a way to kick off the weekend!

Support Systems

Our couples therapist said in one of our first sessions that what happens between two people is one may send out receptors here and there in an effort to grab attention or convey what you need and the more those are ignored or not picked up on, the less the person sends them out. I think of this often, even with friendships.

Sunday we went to church and in the sermon there was mention to how Social Media contributes to depression and anxiety but also, we are so connected with technology, we have infinite resources at our finger tips, and we feel more isolated and alone than "back in the day."

All of this is crappy, right? It's about support systems. I have this habit of when I'm having an emotionally rough moment or anxious, depressive whim, I often will reach out to someone and not admit "hey I need someone right now," but instead maybe just send out a nice note. This happened this morning where I just wanted to wish a good month, good day, and remind someone, "You're awesome!"

I wouldn't even say I'm in a bad head space, but I've had so much thinking and "dealing" to do with life's various things that maybe I just wanted to instigate a check in? Ironically, and to my great amusement, that reach out has received no response although the recipient has recently viewed my Instagram story. This is life now.

I laugh at this because our support systems are systematically breaking down. I was watching an HBO dramatic series that I'm particularly into and there was a young girl who had an incident of abuse come up with her high school boyfriend but she insists he still loves her. She sent him over 300 text messages unanswered and she was mentally spinning out and declining. She called a girl buddy who was in the midst of retaining the attention of a boy and basically got blown off. The girl, upset, asked if her friend could blow off the situation because she "Really needed someone right now." Of course in this high school scenario, her friend chose the boy over her plea, but I thought to myself, damn, that poor girl is just sinking and has no one. What a shitty feeling, right?

I am that person who if I'm going to feel alone, I want to actually be alone. I don't like feeling alone next to people. I'd rather just be alone on a mountain top feeling my feelings. We don't always have access to mountains though.

First, I want to say that uttering the words "I need help," in any way shape or form is courageous and can be incredibly difficult for people. Second I want to tell you that most people don't say that exact phrase to attempt to convey that message. For me I've said "I'm having a rough day. I'm feeling really meh. I'm in a bad head space." Sometimes it's, "I'm hanging in there," or "I'm okay." 

When I say the hanging in and okay things, sometimes I'm waiting to figure out if I am really those things, or I need to dive into some stuff with someone a bit. I have two go to friends that I message immediately when I'm not feeling myself, both of whom live thousands of miles away. It's harder to reach out to someone closer sometimes.

Often I will have a feeling or be needing a little extra support and want to revisit a friendship that has dwindled because that's the stuff we used to talk about or whom I felt comfortable with in similar situations. Again I usually revert to sending out a nice, happy message and testing the waters but seeing if it warrants a response.

It can feel like your support system is dwindling or non-existent sometimes. I personally struggle with not wanting to be Angry Ali or a "Debbie Downer." Who wants to be around Captain Complain all the time. There is a fine line.

On my worst days I feel as though I give out so much support but receive only small amounts in reciprocation. On those bad days, I try to look harder, maybe dig a little deeper.

For a truly honest and revealing moment, I will say this. For this year of 2019 I've had to put myself lower than last at times and suck it up buttercup and be super supportive of the husband. There have been times where I have felt as though I had to do this kicking and screaming. I have felt more often than I'd like to admit that this support is a one way street and not reciprocated much, if at all. But then I remember he unloads the dishwasher so I don't have to. He takes my car in on his days off so I don't have to waste a Saturday at the dealership. He puts his laundry away without me nagging him.

There are all those amazing quotes and cliches about the little things being the big things. They are completely true. More often than not, it's not about NOT having a support system but reminding yourself on how your tribe offers you support. With some friends it's funny memes or Instagram story checks. With other's it's texting for an afternoon or a phone call. Maybe a girl friend buys me a coffee or takes me out to eat. It's all there, little and big, but requiring attention.

Things get foggy, especially when you're stressed or stuck in a Social Media rabbit hole. I had to level with my husband just last night and outright admit, LIFE IS HARD. It is! There is no way getting around it. You have to make what you can count and take everything as it comes.

With information at our finger tips, support systems are EVERYWHERE. I remind myself of this daily. It could be, a new book, a coloring book, a moment of retail therapy, some online Scrabble or Solitaire, a text to a family member or friend, an Instagram positive affirmation post, a meme! It could be a Pinterest board or researching a dream vacation. It could be finding a new therapist, finding a crafting class, and so on and so forth.

My hope is this, and I hope this for myself and all the people I love, but don't stop sending those receptors. Translate your "rough day" into "I need someone" and don't let up. I don't meant send 300 plus text messages to someone clearly ignoring you, I just mean, text the reliable friend or treat yourself to a new purse and keep those support systems intact! 

This planet is filled and feeling lonely when surround by people is the worst, in my personal opinion. Grab a support system and go. I know this can seem easier said than done, but I had a friend remind me of this recently and I post a lot about it on my Instagram. I've written other pieces pertaining to it as well. CHECK ON YOUR PEOPLE AND CHECK IN WITH YOURSELF. Like the 60's or 70's tune, "Reach Out!" If you're not being responded to by a few people and you're sinking, keep reaching out and revise your verbiage because "I'm having a bad day" and "I need your help" can have worlds of different connotations. 



This is my Wednesday Wisdom and I hope it reads well! 

The Friend Fade

I've gone on about ghosting and such before, but a long time ago I did a personal journal about what I like to ominously call "The Fade." It is something that used to wear on me heavily and make my heart hurt, but now, recently in fact, I have healed enough to talk about what it all really means.

If you get on Pinterest you can find a million memes and articles about friends drifting apart and ghosting and outgrowing each other and everything to trigger you back to whatever social stuff you went through that makes you a little more attuned to things now. I've gotten sucked into the Pinterest quote and notes and have mixed feelings about whether or not it is helpful, but you can find some wisdom for sure.

I'll share my experience then, and what I have learned from it and how I use it now, and hopefully it can help some others feel less alone.

Before I had my daughter I had a tight knit group of amazing co-workers and befriended someone physically, spiritually and mentally beautiful. She and her family got my pregnant self, my husband and my newborn and infant through our first year as a family and I will forever feel grateful for them and miss them like crazy. Just typing this I'm welling up. They were the best ever.

I think being around them was our first taste of a second family home in Florida and we loved it. I considered her parents to be my daughters grandparents that were close by and considered her and her sister all aunties. They were our second family in my opinion.

Parenthood was rough on my husband and I. There were so many really uncomfortable and unfavorable things at play during that first year as parents and I struggled as a mother to balance everything. Looking back now, I wish I had been more open with my best friend about what was really going on but I can tell you, my family is still healing from some of the pain and trauma from that time period.

By the time my daughter was three my gorgeous Tampa best friend and I were barely speaking much. She hosted my child's first birthday party and was my greatest help and she was gone from my life, just a name on a friends list, a person in the background. At the time it felt painful, awkward and anxious but after a lot of reflection I now understand how and why we grew apart.

Between my friend getting her own adult life with her wonderful boyfriend together, getting away from parental units and getting into school, and with my being a fresh mom with a workaholic husband and no fun money or availability for much of a social life, the shift started easily, although perhaps I was too tired to call it out for what it was. She did so much for me and I miss her daily.

When I was starting to get into my worst, darkest stages, when I was very lost and beginning my year long struggle with job changes, weight loss and adulting stuff, that was when the fade began. I didn't feel abandoned in a time of need, I felt like I needed to let her grow and thrive because she was considerably younger than me and very much allowed to go and have fun and be young without my old self getting in the way.

The fade started with simply changing a lot of plans often, and things coming up. If it wasn't one of us, it was both of us having a hard time scheduling and committing. As I became less available due to family circumstances, it made it easier for her to step back more and more. The tagging on social media posts stopped. The liking of the pictures and statuses became few and far between. The texts went from daily to every other day to once a week to once every couple weeks to maybe once a month to nothing. 

After a few months of almost no contact I scraped together money for Christmas gifts for her and her sister because she'd at least touch base to say thank you, or so I thought. I figured then I could check in and try and talk to her. I messaged her mom to confirm they received them and she sweetly said her sister loved them. I didn't hear anything from best friend about it. Ever. We didn't speak for 6 month after I sent the gifts, until the car accident.

She messaged me and apologized for the lapse in communication. She said she wanted to come bring us lunch. The day of the plans she fell ill and couldn't come. We did the whole, "another time," song and dance well with each other. I may have messaged her some well wishes about having no malice that we just didn't fit in each other's lives anymore. The cancelled lunch plans, however, that was the last I ever heard from her 3 years ago.

We're still on each other's social media but I check on her and she seemingly doesn't check on me. The people who knew us as besties say they are surprised that we don't talk anymore. I sent her messages just saying, "I hope you know I think the world of you and wish you well," and such for awhile but then just wanted to let her be.

Sometimes I wish I could write her a letter and tell her about how messed up things were and how I wish I had been more aware, awake and engaged with her to be a better friend. I wish I could say I understand how and why she outgrew me but all I want is good things for her and wish we could check in from time to time. I wish I could apologize for not being more present for her issues while wrapped in my own. But I realize that things turned out how they should, whether I like it or not.

About a year after we stopped speaking I realized how badly her exit had messed me up. I spiraled into a very dark, self-hating, world-hating, negative place. It was a learning experience I needed to have. I needed to make the mistakes I made to get me to where I am now, but it still was shitty. I found the wrong kinds of friends on the "rebound" from losing her, which somehow made it all even worse.

Sometimes I think she knew it all. I think she saw me kind of starting to wither and maybe she just couldn't do it so she just politely excused herself from the table and never returned to dinner. I often find myself wishing I could tell her that I'm okay now; I'm better and still working on my growth.

I cry typing right now because I hate that my daughter only has small memories of all that my wonderful ex-bestie and her family did for us. I hung onto so many silly things from her just because I liked remembering when we were good and close and happy. I talk to my daughter about her on occasion. I like to remind my daughter that she has always been surrounded by good people and love, even when we had rough times. 

The friend fade is rough though. She's not the only person it has happened with but I feel like with the rest of the situations, people have moved onto new cities, bigger opportunities and different horizons but we still do that check in on social media or text where we just say, "Hey I'm so glad you are doing this," or "Congrats." Her and I don't even have the check in. We don't have anything anymore, and that still breaks my heart a little.

If she reads my blog, which I highly doubt, then now she knows all this stuff. If not, the hippie part of me just wanted to put this into the universe because it's part of the healing and growing process.

I've experienced other versions of the fade as well, some with a friend return, and others with a complete ghosting effect but none of it is an easy thing. I don't think I'll ever stop wishing we could feel closure with things. I will always want that kind of resolution, but I'm smart enough to realize that's just not how life works. 

My other sad musing is that, we lose out and experience the fade because we hit rough phases of life that we are so engulfed in that we can't adequately share and reach out to those we need the most during such trials. Maybe it is age but I feel like, we often have these friends that we just hold close that we claim are our "everything" and "always," those people that we will never picture our life not having around, and then they move on and we look back fondly but realize that we can actually live without them, perhaps we just enjoyed things more when we had them by our sides.

I lost a lot of good people that I was very close to during my family trauma. I'm just now owning most of it, and finding my way to talk about it with everyone that survived all of my whims and flakiness in the midst of it all. There's been so much shame and regret to work through but I can now have some real conversations about it. 

I still hold hope she'll message me one day. I've seen it happen with other friends and I will always hold hope, even if we're 80, that we can reconnect. I've made peace with the fact we probably won't. To quote Pam Beasley on The Office, "And it only took 3 years to summon the courage."

Losing my previous Tampa bestie has made it easier for me to endure the whims of other friendships and learn how to balance the positive and negative aspects of those relationships too. I've learned that I have to walk away peacefully knowing that, I put the good vibes out there for a friend but they must return and reciprocate by their own free will. I can't make them be the "kind" of friend I want or need in that moment, that day or that situation. 

Losing her has made me appreciate the longevity of other friendships like my Oregon friends from college and my two oldest friends that have known me since Kindergarten and 3rd grade from Pennsylvania. We still talk regularly. Losing her has made me grateful that I had someone like her to call a friend at all. Sometimes it is more bittersweet than other times.

I've seen some sappy articles about this on social media but this one is from the heart. Some of you will know exactly who I wrote this about, and those of you who have never heard me mention her, now you know why. 

I will always be grateful for the role she had in my life. I feel blessed that I knew her when I did. I feel blessed I can still see her on Facebook and Instagram and know that she is doing okay, thriving even. If you have ever lost someone like this, it can trigger many different reactions and emotions. It happens to more people than we can imagine, and it's often a tough tale to tell, but for today I'm glad I shared mine. 

The Vomit Draft

I'm sitting here listening to Dax Shepard interview Mike Schur on my ArmChair Expert podcast, and for those of you who don't pay attention to sitcom writers, Mike Schur did a lot of work on the American adaptation of The Office, he did Parks and Recreation and now has brought us my new obsession, The Good Place. They are talking about all kinds of things but I was very attentive as they started to talk about writing.

As a serious fan of these shows, meaning, I can quote the Office like Friends, Parks and Rec is just becoming more and more my default binge-watch, and The Good Place is just so frigging awesome, it's pretty interesting to hear Mike Schur talk about the writing process and how he operates. Dax Shepard brought up something that totally just blew me away, saying that he allows himself to just write terribly from time to time, and to just know that sometimes things will come out horrible and be utter garbage. He accepts this and allows it.

Mike Schur called this "The Vomit Draft." It is named so as something that is just proverbially "puked out," with yuck results but is stuff that you need to get out of you to be able to better write the next draft and the next draft. It seriously got the wheels turning in Anxious Alison's mind.

Dax Shepard also mentioned that if you sit down and think you're going to just write Shakespearean on the first try, you'll probably fail miserably because that's not a realistic expectation or even fair goal. But to allow yourself to have some crap amidst the good is much better.

I'm not sure if I proclaim myself as a "writer" really, as more of a ridiculous blogging enthusiast with some followers. I'd love to be paid to be a writer. Especially if I can write cutting edge things about why the Office is awesome and Parks and Rec is epic as well. I'm not sure I can hob nob with the "writing" elite just yes.

I'd love to have the time and creative space to write a book but, I'm not so sure that's realistic, let alone to be anything like Shakespeare goals. I think that blogging daily is the closest I've gotten in years to getting my writing done in a productive way and I'm pretty sure that Haiku, which was barely a Haiku was a "vomit draft."

The whole thing was fascinating to me. We put these ideals on people and imagine that writing just pours out into liquid gold. We assume that all of the writers of the shows we love have it all figured out and everything is a perfect puzzle. We forget that, they too, have to wade through the crap, er uh, vomit if you will.

Some days I can write these raw, fun, amazing pieces of myself and people read and say "Yay!" Other days I struggle to find something that's not vomit. It's kind of comforting to know that the writers that I admire have the same kind of days.

I also kind of love that it is well known as "The Vomit Draft," apparently. To me this is hilarious. As a mom, you get used to gross things fast, like poop, pee and puke. Ironically my husband has a Vince Vaughn in Four Christmases-like approach,

 

and he just immediately heaves and needs to get himself away. For me, I'll be covered in puke and still comforting the kid. Moms, and I guess writers can handle the vomit. My husband is very much akin to Alec Baldwin in 30 Rock:

I think creativity is rough, regardless, and there will always be someone who can do it better. I once tried to make a wreath at a Halloween thing my crafty mom friend threw, it was better as a centerpiece and could easily be posted as a Pinterest fail. I got to play with a hot glue gun though, so that was fun, but my friend made the wreath perfectly, and 3 other wreaths perfectly so, yeah, she has that part down. There will always be someone who does it differently, and with better results.

I can probably write more easily than others, though, and definitely better than a few. Essays, reviews, summaries and such come so naturally to me. So, everyone has their thing and for me, it's much more writing than anything else, even amidst the "vomit drafts."

Mostly the writing discussion on the podcast made me feel even more affirmation in my Podcasting choices and obsession, but also in my writing. In recent discoveries and acknowledgement of my growth, it seems as though some of these routines have been super fruitful and helpful in different areas of life and I'm embracing that success. Win!

On this particular Tuesday, where I am tired and emotionally a little done, I feel triumphant in knowing I'm doing okay even when I "vomit draft" a haiku or weekend post that is lackluster. For those of you faithful readers that endure it, just know it is part of everyone's writing process; I'm letting you in on my musings, good and bad! 

I Looked On Pinterest For Blog Ideas...Here Is The Result

I just wanted some blog prompt ideas. I really didn't know what would come up. This is one that caught my eye. So, for fun, I'm actually going to do this entire list in this post. Yeah, get ready!

1. Spring Bucket List - I don't think I'm organized enough to have a life bucket list, let alone one for spring. Also, I live in Florida so spring is more of like a pre-summer with varying degrees of sweaty-ness. If I had to put something on my spring bucket list it would be, going to the beach. 

2. Spring and Easter Do It Yourself - I will never give you advice on how to do anything crafty because it would end up on the Pinterest Fail boards. I can follow okay directions but I'm much better with the whole, "Paint the bird house" like it looks in the picture thing. I also feel like I have no business telling anyone to do who, except my husband, child and dog. 

3. Easter Cupcake Recipe - Insert laugh track here. Go buy a Betty Crocker box of cupcake mix, read the directions, cover in icing and sprinkles. Eat. There ya go. I would never instruct others on how to cook. I'm barely allowed in my own kitchen to make a sandwich let alone actually cooking. 

4. Spring Cleaning Tips - Buy a robo-vac. Eufy is my favorite. Best money I have ever spent.

5. Photo Diary - Also known as Instagram. Find me there. Follow me if ya want.

6. Spring Clean Your Wardrobe - I did a huge purge. I feel better. But as far as this goes, it has to be up to you. If it feels overwhelming, wait until you get that urge to just say no to keeping things. Or perhaps make a "maybe" pile in case.

7. Spring Fashion Wishlist - As a mom, are we allowed to have a wishlist outside of "Coffee, quiet and sleep?" I stopped Wishlist-ing things years ago. It became a sad twist of like "remember when you used to want that nice purse but then you needed new tires?" Um no. Fashion Wishlist? How about $40 to spend at Old Navy to see how many items you can come home with? Challenge accepted. Shopping is usually more of a chore than fun anymore. Ugh, adulting blows. 

8. Do a Spring tag - No idea what this means. Like #spring? Not quite sure. 

9. Spring Nail Art Tutorial - Wait, I'm supposed to have the time to cook, clean, bake, do my closet, give craft advice, take myself shopping and do my own nails well? Is this blog idea based on a human or robot. I just had my first manicure in like 2 years people. I'm lucky to get two pedicures a year if that. I'm in no position to tutorial anything nail related unless you need a how to on making an appointment.

10. What you eat in a day - This one should be called - How to loathe yourself in one paragraph. Which day? A good day? A bad day? It goes like this: coffee, cereal, coffee, water, yogurt, some kind of lunch-type small meal, maybe leftovers, coffee/tea then small snack, huge salad with lots of things and La Croix, random candy/cookie type desert, tea, bed. Sometimes I sub the salad with other leftovers or a junk binge. Weekends usually do not have this structure. On a bad day there is twice the coffee and lots of junk food.

11. Spring look book - I can't even. What does this even mean and why does it sound like some kind of Dr. Seuss-ian thing?

12. Favorite Scents - Sweet Pea at Bath and Body Works, Anything Coconut, fresh baked cookies, when my husband makes buffalo sauce and/or tacos, fire pits. 

13. Events in your Town/City - Safety Harbor is all events, all the time. There are few months where there aren't things to do every weekend. Google it all! 

14. Spring Skincare Routine - Is this supposed to differ from my regular skincare routine? Is there like a Peeps FaceMask I'm missing out on? I wash my face, where little make-up all either E.L.F or Covergirl, and then try to remember to moisturize.You're welcome.

15. Easter Egg Taste Test - Okay so my husband and I have very differing views on this. We have never ever done traditional egg-dying with our child. Why? Back in my day we used to dye hundreds of eggs and hide them for the church egg hunt, before plastic eggs were affordable and everywhere. It was less fun and more of a chore so I do not enjoy. Plus no one but my dad ate hard-boiled eggs, I hated the smell and my mom always complained. So, this one is out. 

16. Fitness Routine - I'm up at 5 every morning to hit 9 Rounds Fitness and get my 30 minutes of kickboxing in. If I miss a morning I try to sneak in later and still get my time 5 days a week, minimum.

17. 10 Things I Love About Spring - 1) Easter chocolate sales 2) The smell of Lilacs 3) Rainy days 4) My daughter's Easter Crafts 5) My daughter's excitement about Easter 6) People with pretty and manicured yards that have amazing flowers growing for me to admire passing by 7) Allergies ruining my joy of everything else listed previously 8) The Justin Timberlake It's Gonna Be May memes 9) The time before the humidity comes when it's comfortable outside 10) Fresh fruit

18. Books I will be reading - "Theft By Finding" by David Sedaris will take me quite some time as I'm the slowest reader ever, but that's what's on my nightstand.

19. Spring make-up look - Not too old, not too young, and not like I may be moonlighting as a hooker or stripper. that is what I'm going for at least. Anything to cover the tired.

20. Photography Tips - If you can't get the selfie in the first 10 shots, try again later. Also, by the time you get the phone ready to take the picture you probably just missed the rest of the moment.. Just enjoy the moment. Unlike social media may have you believe, you actually don't need to capture every single moment as proof of "happiness."

21. Spring homeware haul - I. Don't. Buy. Nice. Things. I have a dog and child. That one was super easy.

22. Spring Decor Tour - See #21. That one was even easier.

23. 5 Blogs to Follow - Mine, The one I write daily, Other Mom Blogs, This one, and My blog. 

24. Cafe/Restaurant Review - I'm kind of a harsh critic. I also don't go out to each much. I highly recommend GiggleWaters, Parts of Paris, Mystic Fish, Cafe Vino Tino, Elizabeth's Cafe and Bakery, and the Sandwich on Main. I say with confidence that at those establishments, your money is very well spent.

25. Packing For A Spring Break - I am 34 with a 6 year old and I live in Florida. Spring break does not exist for me, as I work full time and my kid is just in aftercare camp when she's not at school. I would pack clothes though. Good tip, right?

26. Spring GRWM. I got nothing. What does this even mean? Yeah, I'm not going there.

27. Easter/Spring Recipe - I don't cook edible things. Can I make you a reservation?

28. Lush Easter Haul - Like the brand Lush? I don't buy nice stuff anymore, but I did love their bath bombs back in the days where I knew how to relax.

29. How to do the perfect flatlay - I have no idea what a perfect flatlay is. I suppose you could Google it. I have no interest in this really and I realized this list is British so, yeah I definitely feel a little lost in translation here.

30. Best cities to go to for Spring Break - Anywhere that isn't your home? As a Floridian, Spring Break stinks because we are crowded with spring breakers and our beaches much be shared along with restaurants and everything else. So I would imagine just being lucky enough to have a spring break trip would be pretty cool.

So I did thirty little posts and I feel accomplished. Some of them are far more silly than others but what an interesting way to kick off the weekend. Come on 4:15PM, let's get here fast and get this weekend started! Happy Friday Readers!

That's Pinteresting!

Funny story; I have a mom friend and just about 3 years ago she says to me, "I found this new website called Pin-interest! It has so many ideas for the birthday party!" I said sweetly, "Pinterest. It's called Pinterest." Her enthusiasm was right on, even if the pronunciation was off.

All women know Pinterest. This is factual. Nine years ago I tried to get my husband on board and he instantly became pissed off because he could only see pictures of the food, but not recipes. Let's just say Pinterest has come a LONG way. My husband still is not a fan.

As part of my social media break you might think I would avoid Pinterest, but you would be so wrong. I can spend hours on there, mostly because I'm a quote hoarder. I LOVE movie quotes, music quotes, motivational quotes, and little sayings. I'm considering starting to use some as writing prompts for fictional pieces, but sometimes they just get in there and stick. 

While I've noticed my reader numbers are a bit lower (so thank you for those who have stuck with me) I've been enjoying my time away from Facebook and Instagram. I'm still unsure as to when I will reemerge, so I've definitely turned towards Pinterest.

I stopped filling my boards and pins with furniture, clothing, and "things" I'll never have, but mostly just collect all of these quotes. So today we'll walk through a little bit of what has been on my radar.

Part of my social media siesta is getting back to myself. I've disclosed bit by bit it's been a rough run. Sometimes I look in the mirror with judgment and anger, with disappointment and frustration, but without social media influencing my anxieties, I want to keep reminding myself, I've been through some crap but I'm still here.

It's a hard sell, some days, but a good affirmation. I can always visit my board if I need a visual reminder.

This one I've been meditating on A LOT. I've recently lost touch with someone I'd considered a great friend and support. Maybe I can't even say lost touch, but I have two messages unanswered and even a note via snail mail unrecognized, so I'm kinda assuming this is a ghosting type thing? I'm in "hope for the best, prepare for the worst mode." I've just been rationalizing that, I was super great as a friend and will never give up on them, but if they have timed out on that friendship, I just need to let it float on. My coping mechanism is just daily reminders and a lot of just wishing them well with good vibes in the universe because what else is there?

This is also part of the social media stuff. There is a double-edged sword feeling for me when it comes to being able to "check in" on people or be "checked in" on by others. My best friend called me out as "Stalker-y" because I got into that Instagram feature where you can see who viewed your story, almost like a different form of a "like."

I went through a weird phase where being "liked" in that way but not acknowledged in life was mental torture. Then I transformed my perspective into a kind of, this maybe is a person's way of "checking in on you," without having a conversation for x,y,z reasons. But I kind of hit my limit and just decided to breathe deeply and take a long walk towards some peace.

Staying low key is like a superpower. Also, side note, one of my few, but largest issues with Pinterest, is the spelling errors. Low key is two words people. Two.

This one is undeniably true right now; intensely so. I work so hard on cultivating my wants and needs and sometimes the universe saying no is inadvertently a yes in the end. Isn't that Pinteresting?!?

I could do this all day and post 1,000 memes with 5,000 reactions. For me, it is a great distraction and allows me to have necessary reflection points. Sometimes I find those words that I just needed to read in the perfect moment. Sometimes I revisit all the things I've "pinned" and a month ago I was feeling the same and saved something that I needed today. It's a weird kind of new age diary, in a way.

Pinterest also has secret boards where you don't have to share everything with anyone who "follows" you, which I like. I have all kinds of secret nerdy tattoo dreams saved on there and I love them.

Some of my boards are literally things that I know I'm not organized or talented enough for accomplishing well, but a girl can dream! I think that's the fun part, is the dreaming. I stay away from dream trip boards, only because for me personally, it could become a daunting or depressing thing later but some people take their boards very seriously.

I have a few friends I send random pins and memes to, but other than that the whole chatting thing is pretty minimal. I really could spend hours lost and pinning away, especially if I have an upcoming project.

It's so funny when you take a step back you realize how much time you've spent feeding into other sources instead of yourself. Sometimes it can feel almost horrifying, other times perhaps it's sobering. I'm still fresh into the game but I'm feeling more and more positive in confirming this is just what I needed. I definitely wish people were still checking the blog often but my sanity is more important than my advertising.

Please feel free to message or comment suggestions! I'm open to them all! Happy Tuesday readers!